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She Wasn't Even My Child

I thought my hormone were still crazy and couldn't figure out exactly why. Now I realize it's probably PMS and the fact that I'm cutting down/out pumping. Apparently women go through a bit of a hormone shift when they wean, and since I was pumping a lot during the day and not so much anymore, I think it probably will affect my mood a bit.

Wanna hear a story of caramama's crazy emotional rollercoaster? This one isn't bad, I promise...

I help out at a neighborhood children's choir that my mom put together. Just general things like make sure chair are set up, the kids get their name tags, the kids stay in the room, the kids leave with their parents. Stuff like that.

The other evening, when all of the littler ones were marching around in a circle to keep the beat and sing a silly song lead by the vocal director, one of the girls started crying. She was probably about 5 or so, and my mom got her and lead her out of the circle with pretty much no disruption to the rest of the group. (I later asked my mom what happened, but she didn't know and the girl wouldn't tell her. Maybe she felt left out, maybe she got her toe stomped on. Who knows.) Luckily, this girl's mom was still there, so she was able to get her. She held the little girl in her lap and let her sob. And the girl was sobbing. Her mom rubbed her back and whispered to her. After a little while, the girl felt better, and her mom got some paper and pencils and sat on the floor to draw with her.

So, let me tell you my reaction. When this little girl was sobbing in her mom's arms, I literally started to get tears in my eyes. I was so upset for her, and she wasn't even my child. But that is how emotional I get when kids are hurt, physically or emotionally, lately. I am mush.

How will I ever deal if it's my own little girl?


Becoming Mommy said…
You too will cry, and there's nothing wrong with that.
ImpostorMom said…
yeah i'm the same way lately. there is this one song at the end of one of Boog's signing time videos. Makes me cry every single time.

And before I was pregnant and had a baby I didn't even cry for The Notebook. Crazy, right?
OneTiredEma said…
You just do. You kind of check out, emotionally, and do what has to get done and it hits you later.

I have been with Miss M to the ER twice--the second time it was just me, her, and a newborn AM in an ambulance (our friendly neighborhood ambulance squad, who know us, but STILL!). Instead of being entirely freaked out by the idea that she might have a broken nose, here's what I was afraid of: not having enough diapers for either to last through an ER experience and not having enough snacks for her. I mean, come on, a diaper bag packed for an hour at the park does not equal supplies for an ER trip.

Once Taxman arrived from work--he met us there--I was able to kind of step back and say, "Holy crap!" But in the moment you kind of keep your shit together.
La folle maman said…
I agree with onetiredema. If the circumstance is really dire, something kicks in and you're the strong one until it's over. At least that's the way it was for me when Monkey had to go to the hospital twice for dehydration (he had Norovirus). When they had to hold him down and try 3 times to get an IV into him, I didn't cry (my chest was tightening although). Afterwards, I couldn't decide if I wanted to cry or punch something since it took them 3 times BOTH times we went to the hospital (6 tries in one week)!

I think for the non-critical stuff sometimes we have the luxury of letting ourselves feel the moment. Recently, Monkey fell backwards from the bottom stair. I was right there but had turned my head for a SECOND to talk to DH and BOOM. Down he went. He was crying but we could tell it was more of a scared cry than a hurt cry. I just felt aweful and started to cry, too.

I guess my point is to trust your instincts and gut feelings. They usually guide you the right way.
Shellie said…
Welcome to the club, you find you can cry about a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g!

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