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My Waking Nightmare

Last night was a waking nightmare. I didn't go to sleep until 11:00. I know you want to say, "But caramama, why didn't you go to bed right after you put the Pumpkin to sleep?"

I did.

Do you see what I'm saying??? She didn't go to bed until 11:00!!!! She usually goes to bed between 7 and 8, and I started nursing her at 7:30 last night. There was refusal to stop nursing, waking up fully when I tried to put her in her crib, trying to play in my lap or in my bed, flailing, kicking, crying, screaming and Mama losing her sh$t. More than once.

Finally, after trying EVERYTHING I could think of, she fell asleep while I paced her nursery for 20 minutes. In case you were wondering, it takes me 1 minute to do 8 passes across her room. Also, she is 23 pounds. Do whatever math you'd like with that. Just know that my back, arms and legs are so sore, but she finally did go to sleep and I put her in her crib. What kills me is that I know that if Londo was home, I would have called him to take her after that first hour of nursing when she woke up when I put her down, and it would have taken him 20-30 minutes to get her back asleep and in her crib. I know this because I've seen it happen again and again. She just wouldn't do it for me.

And then she got up at 5:00. I was able to nurse her lying down for about an hour, so I could drift in and out of sleep, but it was mostly out. She is exhausted, so I hope the nanny is able to get her down for a good nap this morning. I really don't want her to be this overtired!

I didn't take the dog to get the surgery today because the night was so bad and so much stress on the dog, I didn't think it was a good idea. I've rescheduled for tomorrow. I'm trying to take a positive attitude about tonight. My goal is to be more zen, have more patience, and call my sister to come over and help if I'm about to lose it again (she has graciously offered). Also, if she won't go to sleep and wants to play again, I'm thinking I don't fight it. I just bring downstairs and let her play while I do dishes and get online. It's not worth it to fight her for 3.5 hours.

All I wanted was to put her down in her crib at her bedtime, do some yoga, take a shower and maybe get online for just a short while before going to bed by 9 or 9:30. All I wanted was to relax last night. I got the completely opposite and was barely able to wash up for bed.

Tonight, if all else fails, someone please send the Gypsies to me. I can make them a great offer...


Don Mills Diva said…
Ack - I'm so sorry - I remember those nights of endless pacing feeling like I was going to collapse. I hope tonight is better...
limboland la la said…
damn, that sucks. now, i just want to know... i've known you all of...oh about 22 years now. And I've yet to see you lose your sh$&@#! So, I just want to know, what does losing your Sh*&&-- entail?
-- if you don't mind me asking... as i feel thinking back might actually cause some more sh*&%# to fly-- so to speak.


mainly i would like to hear about your specific sh*^#&^%& loss, due to the very fact, I too fear a certain lack of control of bowelish movements once the child has arrived.

i really have to think that other S.H.F.S might do me some good. (Sh^%&$ .Hitting .the Fan. Stories)

So please do tell. :)
- Dana said…
:-( sorry about your night. I hope tonight is better for you.

Don't forget you aren't a bad person if you put her in her crib and walk away. She might cry, but if you are at a breaking point it's probably the best thing for the both of you. In her crib she will be safe and if she is just crying that is the least of your worries. Go to a room in the house where you can't hear it and give yourself a 5/10 min break and start over. I've only done this once or twice, but I know it's the best thing I can do when I get really worked up.
Becoming Mommy said…
I know! Dads seem to posess "sleepy spores" or something. Hubby can get Sasha to fall asleep, dead to the world, usually within 15 min. I have to nurse him, sing, rock him and basically take a million years and lose my mind.

And good luck with the dogs surgery. I'm sure everything will be fine. So many of those lumps turn out to be nothing after all. I know we were worried ourselves a few months ago.
Cloud said…
When my Pumpkin is in certain moods (and I have yet to figure out how to recognize them), she will not go to sleep for me, either. My solution (If Hubby isn't around to take over) is to put her down on the floor of her (still dark) room and let her play while I lay on the floor and feel sorry for myself.

She has just come out of a phase where she was really difficult for anyone to get down- she squirmed and fussed if you held her and stood up, rattled her crib gate. It took us 30-60 minutes of back and forth between holding and crib every night to get her down. And then, two nights ago, she just started going to sleep easily again. We have no idea why.

I hope the Pumpkin rediscovers the joys of sleep tonight!
caramama said…
Thanks, guys.

limboland la la - I will expand upon losing my sh$t later, when I have time to articulate it. But I will do it, cause I do lose it.

dana - I did indeed put her in the crib and leave the room at about 9:00, unfortunately it was to take care of the dog, who then stayed outside eating rabbit poop instead of coming in when I called her. So didn't really get to calm down. But later, I did again for about two minutes, and used that time to pet the dog and take deep breaths. But it is so hard to do! And you are right. Next time, I need to go where I can't hear her and actually calm down. :)
ImpostorMom said…
I hate it when I have plans in my head as to what my evening will entail and then the little resident tyrant changes said plans.

Sorry about your rough night and it's amazing how they just know that Mommy does some things and Daddy does others. Hang in there.
Shellie said…
I'll try to send good vibes your way, I feel your pain. It's a good idea to try to relax no matter what. Just in case, I'll see if there's any gypsies around...
Rudyinparis said…
Can I just say how much I appreciate this honest assessment of yourself?

I've always found it's the hardest for me when I have an idea in my head of how it's supposed to go or if I have my heart set on getting something done. So I like your backup plan. If it means throwing up your hands, so be it. At least smoke won't be coming out your ears.
Karen said…
I'm so sorry. I guess I should tell you that we're still fighting this battle with our 5 year old.
La folle maman said…
Hopefully tonight is going better for you. As for the record, I've been known to lose my s#!t here and there as well. I try to walk away and take deep breaths but sometimes they just require you to be there.

Hang in there. Just remember, she HAS to sleep sometime, even if it's 3 hours later than you expected.
Colleen said…
I'm trying to figure out how this week got to be "Dads Abandon Moms with Crazy Children Week" cuz Cooper has been fighting bedtime most of this week,too...granted I didn't get stuck for 3+ hours, but 45 minutes is long when you still have another child to put to bed! :)
I hope she is doing better now (of course, it's probably because Londo is home, but who cares!). :) Have a great weekend and a wonderful Mother's Day.

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