I try to be understanding of others and know that every person, every situation is different and that I don't know everything so I should try not to judge. I do try. And I like most people. I really do. Even when they make different decisions than I do or think in different ways or believe different things. I would hate to be around people who only thought exactly the way I do. How boring would that be?
But...
But, there is this woman who I've had to interact with more and more over the last few months (it's not any of you, I can promise that!).
I usually like people when I meet them. Occasionally, I have some initial misgivings but once I get to know the person I usually like them fine. There are very few people in this world that I don't like at all.
This woman... Almost every time she opens her mouth, I like her less. Almost every time I learn something about her, I like her less. From her attitude to her parenting decisions. You know, it's not even her parenting decisions, but its her reasoning behind those decisions. I just want to ask her "How can you really think that?" all. the. time.
I doubt she likes me much, either. In fact, part of why I don't like her is she has this air of junior high school drama that she thinks she's so cool and is judging everyone around her. That perhaps is what drives me crazy the most. I feel like she was judging me from the minute I met her. I really, really, REALLY try not to judge other people. I think that when I do (like now, apparently), I judge based on good criteria and on behavoir gathering over a period of time.
I have to continue to interact with this woman. So I'm trying to just deal. When I am as grumpy as I am now, I do my best to not be around her--or at least not talk to her least my opinion manifest itself in some way. Because even if I'm silently judging, I will not act that way. It doesn't matter if I like her or not. I still want to be courteous around her.
There. I just had to get that off my chest.
8 comments:
You know, I just read something the other day (on a blog, but don't ask me which one) about coping with this.
The person who wrote it said that she treats it (in her mind) as if they have an incurable disease that makes them act like a jerk. Terminal jerk-osis, if you will. She said it helps her to say (to herself, obviously), "that's just the jerk-osis talking -- I'll ignore it."
I thought it was quite inspired, myself!
On a slightly less adult note ... when I was in college, a girlfriend and I had a little verbal game we played together wherein we imagined an airplane, chartered to fly back and forth across the Bermuda Triangle until it disappeared. We then gave people imaginary seats on said plane (or, if they were especially heinous, we'd give them a JOB they had to do while they were waiting to be sucked into oblivion). It was light-hearted, but allowed us to vent (to each other) our frustrations.
Not so inspired, but fun nonetheless!
Huh. Crazy. You and I obviously know the same person, even though we live in different parts of the country. She gets around, that one. Caramama, seriously, you could have been perfectly describing a person I know who drives me batty. Unfortunately, she is an extended family member. I could complain about her at length, but I know from experience that even thinking about her will only drive me to distraction. Let's just say that she thinks I'm beneath notice, but she really, really likes my husband. She has an "open marriage" but has--oops!--forgot to mention this to her husband. Her long-suffering husband who stays home with the kids when she goes out and gets hammered night after night. This is the same pothead who nursed my SILs daughter to soothe her when my SIL stepped away for a moment. Pretty wild, eh? I avoid her like the plague. See, I can't resist ranting about her! We can be each other's support group. I'm going to take the high road... I'm going to take the high road... (repeat as necessary)
Jan - I like the jerk-osis! I'm going to use that!
RudyinParis - WHAT?? First of all, you don't just nurse someone else's baby (unless you have some sort of agreement that I know happens in some cultures). Second, you don't nurse ANY baby if your smoking pot! I won't even get into the other things! What is wrong with that woman?? You'd have to just ignore and take the high road, wouldn't you? That kind of crazy can't be dealt with in many other ways.
I know! She's the Mayor of Crazytown. Thank you for being appalled. Of course, in her worldview, if you think she's horrible it's because you have all sorts of hang ups or are a fascist or something. God help us.
I think the older I get the more I realize that some people - a very small minority really - are just idiots and I should ignore them. Brutal but surprisingly freeing...
I understand your pain. We'll have to have lunch sometime soon and commiserate.
Yup - I have one of those too!
I don't have a lot of good solutions here, because after a certain point I really have a hard time interacting with people like this. I truly give up and keep conversation to an absolute minimum. Years of destructive family members have taught me to just not fight situations like this and walk away as much as possible.
That just made me smile, because we all have been there and I'm glad you're trying to treat her with respect. I like the jerk-osis thing too. Another thing I've realized is that the few people I meet that really rub me the wrong way are often people I can still find something to love and respect about them, although it takes a LONG time to discover it. Usually at some point something comes to light about the person that puts their issues into a whole new perspective...
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