Saturday, May 10, 2008

Cara Bambina - Molars Suck

Cara bambina,

You poor little girl. You had relief from your teething for approximately one day and one night when your right, lower molar broke through. But now you are miserable again, and I know it's the left, lower molar that's doing it. I know this because you are gnawing on everything (especially your hand) on that side of your mouth, and also because I stuck my finger in your mouth to check the tip of the tooth on the right with no problem, but when I touched the left side you cried out. It must be so tender and uncomfortable.

You are fussy and tired, yet not able to sleep well. You didn't take your afternoon nap yesterday, you didn't sleep well last night, and even though exhuasted, you didn't take a morning nap today. Why is it when you need your sleep the most (to get through these tough periods) that it is hardest for you to sleep? That just doesn't seem fair to you, or to me and your daddy.

Hopefully it is so bad because the tooth is right about to break through. I can't wait until all your molars are through. Although the top two aren't even in site yet. Sigh...

But we'll get through this, and you'll feel better soon. Thank goodness your daddy is back home to help us both out, and in fact he is giving me most of this afternoon to nap and play on the computer and do whatever I want. Tomorrow, your daddy will be helping your uncle and his family move, so it'll be just you and me on Mother's Day. I'm thinking we'll do a little shopping and maybe some baking. We'll have a good time!

Ti amo,
Mama

Friday, May 9, 2008

Things Are Looking Up

In this roller coaster that is life, we are heading back upward. This is in large part due to five things:
1. I adjusted my expectations.
2. The nanny is wonderful, and the one-on-one care is really working out well for the Pumpkin.
3. The dog is fine!!!
4. The Pumpkin's first molar FINALLY poked through.
5. Londo is back home.

Wednesday night, I adjusted my expectations. I wanted to be sure to shower, but I couldn't count on her going to sleep in time for me to do so. So, I took the advice (given to me sometime within the last year) of a good family friend who has five boys, and I showered in the baby's bathroom while the baby* was in the tub! We have a sprayer that we can use instead of the showerhead, and the holder is low enough that I could kneel under it and water would not spray in the Pumpkin's eyes. By kneeling, I was close enough to the baby to be able to interact and wash her up too. She played with her bath toys and kept looking at me laughing. It was silly and fun and we both got clean!

The next expectation I adjusted was how long it would take me to get her to sleep. I went in with the expectation that it would definitely take longer than an hour. And that was okay. I also kept in my head different things to try, but kept returning to nursing, which is usually the way she drifts off to sleep the best. I proud to say that I didn't get frustrated and was able to get her to sleep after 1.5 hours. Not bad, considering the night before it was 3.5! I really think that my frustration the previous night just feed her inability to calm down and go to sleep. So this was much better.

She woke only once, at 3:30. I went in with the expectation that it would probably take an hour, maybe more, to get her back to sleep. And that I would need to walk her around bouncing her. This is the hardest way to calm her down for me, but the easiest and often best way for her. My back, legs and arms were very sore, but I didn't concentrate on that. (Instead, I worked on decorating our family room in my head--it's what I do.) After 45 minutes, I thought she was asleep enough to be put in her crib. But I thought to myself the whole time I was lowering her, "It's okay if she wakes up. It's okay if she wakes up." Luckily, she didn't wake up. But I think I would have been okay if she did.

The next morning, she slept until almost 7:00! We had a good morning, and I was even able to do the final things to get the house ready for the cleaning lady. The nanny has been great, and it's very apparent that the one-on-one care she is getting is really good for her at this particular stage of her development and for her temperment. We are very fortunate that this is all working out.

The dog's surgery went well, and she is recovering well. Best of all, the lump was only a fatty build up, therefore it does not even need to be biopsied! It's definitely not cancerous! As a side bonus, this means the surgery cost less than we were expecting. When I got this news, I felt such a huge relief. I had been trying not to think about it, but my subconscious was apparently worrying more that I was letting myself realize. My poor sweet dog will still have a bit of recovery to do from the surgery, but apparently the growth was so easily removed and the surgery so easy on her body, her recovery should go pretty smoothly. I will keep praying all goes well, though, and not expect it to be an overnight recovery. Adjusting expectations.

Also yesterday, the Pumpkin's first molar broke through and Londo got back in the evening. So last night, the Pumpkin slept through the night! This was especially good for Londo, who was exhausted from his trip. And let's face it, if she had woken, he would have been the one to get her no matter what time of night. Cause I needed the break and there was no changing that expectation!!! Fortunately, she slept until 6:15, and we had another great morning. Dog is doing well. Nanny came over and is fantastic. Londo is taking the day off of work to rest and catch up on household stuff. I'll be able to work late and get more off my plate. I was also able to run errand yesterday evening while hubby watched the kiddo, and then I worked for a couple hours after she was in bed.

So things are looking up, and I'm looking forward to our busy weekend, including a Mother's Day breakfast with my family.

*I'm still calling her a baby! You can't make me stop!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

My Waking Nightmare

Last night was a waking nightmare. I didn't go to sleep until 11:00. I know you want to say, "But caramama, why didn't you go to bed right after you put the Pumpkin to sleep?"

I did.

Do you see what I'm saying??? She didn't go to bed until 11:00!!!! She usually goes to bed between 7 and 8, and I started nursing her at 7:30 last night. There was refusal to stop nursing, waking up fully when I tried to put her in her crib, trying to play in my lap or in my bed, flailing, kicking, crying, screaming and Mama losing her sh$t. More than once.

Finally, after trying EVERYTHING I could think of, she fell asleep while I paced her nursery for 20 minutes. In case you were wondering, it takes me 1 minute to do 8 passes across her room. Also, she is 23 pounds. Do whatever math you'd like with that. Just know that my back, arms and legs are so sore, but she finally did go to sleep and I put her in her crib. What kills me is that I know that if Londo was home, I would have called him to take her after that first hour of nursing when she woke up when I put her down, and it would have taken him 20-30 minutes to get her back asleep and in her crib. I know this because I've seen it happen again and again. She just wouldn't do it for me.

And then she got up at 5:00. I was able to nurse her lying down for about an hour, so I could drift in and out of sleep, but it was mostly out. She is exhausted, so I hope the nanny is able to get her down for a good nap this morning. I really don't want her to be this overtired!

I didn't take the dog to get the surgery today because the night was so bad and so much stress on the dog, I didn't think it was a good idea. I've rescheduled for tomorrow. I'm trying to take a positive attitude about tonight. My goal is to be more zen, have more patience, and call my sister to come over and help if I'm about to lose it again (she has graciously offered). Also, if she won't go to sleep and wants to play again, I'm thinking I don't fight it. I just bring downstairs and let her play while I do dishes and get online. It's not worth it to fight her for 3.5 hours.

All I wanted was to put her down in her crib at her bedtime, do some yoga, take a shower and maybe get online for just a short while before going to bed by 9 or 9:30. All I wanted was to relax last night. I got the completely opposite and was barely able to wash up for bed.

Tonight, if all else fails, someone please send the Gypsies to me. I can make them a great offer...

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

The Few Thoughts I Can Produce

I'm tired. I'm cranky. I'm not getting enough done. And I'm sick of complaining.

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I wanted to write about how that 60-Day Ask Moxie Challenge went (pretty well), but I just can't find the time or energy. I wanted to talk about the new 60-Day Challenge and what I'm doing, but I think I can't do more than list them:
1. Eating 3 servings of fruits/veggies a day.
2. Starting to chart my cycles in mental preparations for when we start trying to conceive.

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Londo left today for a business trip and won't be back until late Thursday. Which will be nice, since the Pumpkin has been extra fussy and up at least 1-2 times a night. I'm really looking forward to the nighttimes all on my own.

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Work is crazy lately, and the next couple of weeks will be especially busy. So if I don't post everyday, you know why.

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Oh! The nanny started at our house full time with one-on-one care for the Pumpkin yesterday. So far (1.5 days in), it's going really well! Most importantly, Londo and I feel really good about this decision.

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I'm taking my dog to the vet to have a lump removed tomorrow. I'm really nervous about it because the last time we had three lumps removed, and one had cancerous cells. It's like skin cancer, though, in that it didn't spread through her system, we caught it early and had it removed, and we are supposed to watch for more lumps. Like we one we found and has gotten bigger. So it will be removed and sent off for testing. I'm trying not to think about what that could mean, so only cheerful responses on this, k?

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I have not been able to keep up with my blog reading lately. Too much going on at work and home. I'm hoping that with Londo out of town, I will have times in the evening to catch up after baby goes to bed, but I might be so exhausted that I have to go to bed by 8:30. We'll see. But I miss knowing how everyone is doing, so I'll catch up soon.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Question of the Week - Wedding Memories

We had a fantastic time at the wedding this weekend. It was Londo's best friend (and the Pumpkin's Godfather) who got married on Sunday in Baltimore's harbor. It was a beautiful day, and the wedding was outside on grassy field on a pier. It was sunny and windy, which made it comfortable to sit in. The reception was in a hotel's reception room with walls lined with floor to ceiling windows and doors that lead out to the balcony running around the room outside with tables and chairs. It was fun to hang out with college friends, see our good friends get married, and enjoy the beautiful day--without having to chase around the toddler!

Also, I got to hold a little 2-month-old baby! She was so precious! Little and sweet and really good during all the festivities. She fell asleep in my arms, as I bounced and walked her. And holding her... weeeellll... itmademewantanotherbaby. There. I said it. Am I nuts? Probably, but Londo's been ready, and I've been close. Of course, then we picked up our little angel from my mom's house, and she proceeded to have a complete melt down and was very difficult to get to sleep. And woke up in the night. But still. We'll probably start trying soon.

Enough about babies. Let's talk about weddings some more. Here's the question of the week:

What is your favorite memory from your wedding? If you are not married, it could be a memory from someone else's wedding or something you hope for your wedding?

I really loved my wedding, and even though it was a blur, I do remember a few things pretty clearly. My favorite part of my wedding was after the ceremony, while all the guests went on to the hotel, Londo and I and our families and bridal party stayed at the church a little longer for additional pictures. The sun was streaming through the stained glass windows, and Londo and I were so happy and excited. Between lining up for the pictures, he and I just were in our own little world, joking and laughing. The photographer even caught some great pictures of those moments.

I didn't know that would be my favorite moment. But looking back almost 6 years later, that was it. How about you? Anything stand out in the blur that was your wedding day?

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Cara Mama - Fun Weekends

Cara Mama,

You may say these weekends are busy, but I just call them fun! I get to meet new people and see family*! And everyone laughs when I clap and giggle! And I get to run around in new place, either stores or grassy fields! I'm having so much fun, and you know how I love to be busy.

Let's be this busy every weekend! What do you mean it's killing you? I don't understand what you mean by "you don't have the energy." What if I nap at least once a day? I can't promise sleeping through the night, but I will sleep at least part of the night. Surely that's enough sleep to spend the weekend days running around, right?

Ti amo,
Pumpkin

*I just wanted to note that the Pumpkin's Godfather and his about-to-be wife are considered family.