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caramama Vs. Londo's Alarm Clock

Sleep is a big variable in our house. There is just no telling if the Pumpkin will sleep through the night, wake up and come to our bed, wake up and want one of us (usually Londo) to sleep in her bed, wake up multiple times during the night, wake up at 5:00 and not go back to sleep... I could go on and on about the different possibilities. When we parents go to bed at night, we literally have no idea how the night will go. There is no "usually" in our house for nighttime sleep.

I can pretty much guarentee that the Pumpkin won't take a nap on the weekends. And she usually takes on average 1.5 hours to get to sleep. But that's about all I can count on, and both of those are "usuals" that I wish unusual.

In order to deal with the different nighttime scenarios, Londo and I have developed different plans for the night and mornings. Over the last two years, these plans have been updated, modified, rejected, and new ones added. But today, I'm going to give you the background of one specific plan and tell you of an epic battle that resulted when it was not properly excuted.

On the nights when Londo goes into the Pumpkin's room and cosleeps with her for the rest of the night/morning, he turns off his alarm and asks me to set mine for whatever time he needs to get up so I can wake him quietly in the Pumpkin's room. We realized this was the best plan for this scenerio months ago when I had difficulty turning off Londo's alarm clock.

You see, he has this crazy, complex radio/alarm clock. He will tell you that it's very awesome with many cool features, including self-setting time which accounts for the Daylight Savings changes, two alarms you can set, a nap timer, and... at this point I've tuned out and all I hear is Charlie Brown's parents' voice... wah wah wah wah. All I know is that there are too many darn buttons!

Months ago, he told me to just press the button on the right two times, and the alarm will turn off instead of snooze. But that still involved me climbing over the bed, making sure I hit the correct button out of the millions on it. And he sets his alarm for way earlier than he gets up so he can snooze it, so I'd be woken up before he even needed to get up, and I'd have to debate if I should wake him then or until the time he really wanted to get up. It's just better if he tells me to set my alarm for the time to get him up.

Two nights ago, the Pumpkin called for DaddyDaddyDaddy!!! to come into her room and sleep with her in HER bed. It's the middle of the night, and as he's stumbling out of bed, he asks me to set my alarm for 6:00 to wake him. I grogily reach over and set my alarm accordingly. Londo ended up sleeping the rest of the night/morning in there with her (although she apparently couldn't get back to sleep and kept Londo up pretty much all night with her tossing and turning and crying).

At 5:00 (maybe a few minutes after), Londo's radio alarm goes off with some loud rap music (huh?). I crawl oh so gracefully with my big belly across my mountain of pillows and hit the button on the right two times. There, I think to myself, alarm is off, I can go back to sleep until my alarm goes off at 6:00. During pregnancy, I have a hard time getting back to sleep whenever I wake up, but right about 8 minutes later, I am able to start drifting off to dreamland, when...

That loud rap music goes off again! WTF? I think to myself. I hit the button on the right twice, that's supposed to take care of that! This time, I get out of bed, walk around to look at his clock. I hit the button on the right twice, but I notice that the Alarm 2 light is still on. That suggests to me that whatever I'm doing is not turning it off. So, frustrated and groggy, I start hitting random buttons on the top of his alarm clock.

This was perhaps not the best plan. The Alarm 2 light isn't going off, and at some point the Nap setting gets turned on. This. Is. Not. Good. I have vague memories of struggling with the darn Nap setting months ago. This is definitely trouble, and all I want to do is go back to sleep.

Eff it! I think to myself, although perhaps without modifying my language. I turn on Londo's bedside light to get a good look at his clock and it's eleventy millon buttons. I finally figure out how to turn off the Alarm 2, but the Nap? That's a different story. I keep hitting buttons, and the Nap just keeps counting down. My good lord! All I want is to go back to sleep! I yell in my mind at the clock.

As my thoughts escalate into worse language, I finally pull the effing plug out of the effing wall, taking some other plug with it! There, that should do it, I say, much calmer, to myself. I crawl back into bed. Granted that stuggle last only a couple of minutes, but it's 5 something in the morning, and I'm freaking tired. Luckily, I was able to start drifting off again pretty quickly. I'm finally relaxed and just barely asleep, and...

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!! BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!!

ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?!?!

That's the Nap alarm going off. The one I couldn't figure out how to turn off, which caused me to unplug the clock and LEAVE IT UNPLUGGED!! That clock hates me so much, it rose from the unplugged grave to wake me with beeps more annoying than the loud rap music Alarm 2 plays!!! (I later learn from Londo, as he's laughing at me hysterically, that his clock has battery backup so it will still go off when unplugged. Lovely.)

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to tell you that I DIDN'T throw that effing clock out the freaking window. I hit something that made it stop beeping, plugged that and whatever else had come unplugged back into the socket, and I went and woke up Londo.

At this point it was 5:30 something, and I figured he could get up now, keep sleeping in our room, or whatever the heck he wanted, just so long as he was around to fix the darn clock if it went off again. He choose to go back to sleep in our room, as did I. I turned off my alarm, and we both slept until after 7:00.

So once again, caramama loses a battle against Londo's alarm clock. But next time Londo forgets to turn the alarm off of his awesome clock? I hope he leaves the window open or else there will be broken glass for him to clean up when I do decide to wake him. I WILL win the final battle.

Comments

Carmen said…
Too funny! I can't believe the beast still rang after unplugging it! We gave up on the alarm clock when Buster started co-sleeping with us. Luckily my husband has an internal clock that rarely fails and when I need an alarm clock I leave my phone on vibrate on my windowsill.

Sleep is a never-ending saga in our house too. I can't believe I'm bringing a newborn into this mess! My best friend has two great sleepers and always tells me about her "hell-week" when she sleep-trained her second daughter. Uh huh. If it was only a hell WEEK then you didn't have a problem. We've had a hell TWO YEARS when it comes to sleep. Oh and now that I've been trying to night-wean, we also get at least an hour of tears in the middle of the night. Fun times. We're just in survivor mode at night.

It's a good thing they're so damn cute.
Mama said…
I would have chucked it out the window the first time. There wouldn't be a second much less a chance for the third.

Thank goodness that we don't use alarm clocks in our house.
Trannyhead said…
I went to visit my hubby where he is in training, currently, a few weeks ago. He had his alarm set for 4:45 (it's JAG school, so it's military early). He neglected to turn the alarm "off" so the first night, the stupid thing went off. I unplugged it. *shudder*

PS - I think you guys deserve a good sleeper with baby #2.
JAB said…
Loved this!
Thanks for sharing; and thanks for the giggles!
Oh man! We have had our own alarm issues.. namely babySaid hitting buttons in the evening and turning the nap feature on... then we head downstairs and wonder what that annoying escalating noise is? Or changing the number of minutes the snooze is... :)
nutmeg96 said…
OMG, I would have thrown that thing out the window.
Shellie said…
I would have unplugged the thing a lot sooner! I hate those complicated things!

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