Cara Mama™

Now That He's Tasted Freedom...

2011-12-05T22:42:00.001-05:00

Londo and I have been tossing around the idea of converting the Pookie's crib to a toddler bed. But when the Pookie wakes up in the morning, he sits in his crib for 30 minutes or more playing. He's confined and happy. I have time to get up and get ready before he's calling for me to get him. And it's hard to change something that's been working so well.

Or had been.

Over Thanksgiving at my inlaws, the Pookie slept in a pack 'n play in a guest room, as he always does. We set it up where we always do, next to the guest bed. It has a lovely wrought iron headboard and footboard, with the footboard about a foot away from the pack 'n play.

Can you guess where I'm going with this?

During the visit, the Pookie figured out how to climb out of the crib. He put a leg over the top and used the footboard to pull himself out. He showed us himself how he did it.

The pack 'n play is so low that it wasn't a problem. But we were concerned about what would happen when we got home and he was in his tall crib.

The first night back, it was too late and I was too tired to figure anything out. So I just rocked him to sleep and put him in his crib as usually. He slept through the night, woke up and started playing in his crib. So I got up and went to wash up, leaving the monitor with Londo.

A little while later, Londo hurried into the bathroom to let me know he was going to get the Pookie. He said that he heard the Pookie over the monitor say, "I get down."

Londo rushed into the nursery to see the Pookie with one leg going over the crib rail. He put the Pookie's ankle back on the inside of the crib. And then got him out of the crib.

And that was the end of the crib.

We converted the crib into a toddler bed, and the Pookie's been transitioning. We've all been transitioning. It's not been easy.

The first night, he was up in the 2:00 hour. I tried to get him back to sleep for an hour and a half, and then I just brought him in bed with us. The Pumpkin was already there anyway. He woke up early, too.

Londo and I have never minded having the kids (and dog and cat) in our bed. It's the main reason we got a king-sized bed. But the rule is that anyone in our bed has to let the others sleep. The Pookie is still learning that rule.

But he is learning. When he wakes up early in the night, he's pretty good about falling back asleep with us. On top of me if the Pumpkin is cuddled next to me, because he's such a mama's boy he has to be close to me.

But when he wakes up at 5:00 or later, he is pretty much awake and trying to play with us or get us up. So I've been teaching him that if he's awake and wants to play, "Where do you go?" He now answers that with, "In my room." And I say, "Go on then." And? He does!

Overall, we've been up early a lot this past week and had some rough nights of sleep. We didn't think this transition would be easy, and boy were we right!

I'll end on a good note, though. Last night, the Pumpkin came in our room in the 2:00 hour, going right to sleep in between Londo and me, not even waking me. The Pookie toddled in our room right about 4:00. He climbed into bed easily enough, and he tried to get comfortable. But he could not get comfortable or settle down.

When he actually sat up and started to look around--for something to get into, no doubt--that's when I said, "Are you awake and want to play?" and after I asked about where he should go to play, he heads off to his room. I fell back asleep.

The other morning that he was up that early and playing in his room, every half hour he would come in to check in on me and see if I was ready to get up. It was disrupted sleep, but it was better then not sleeping at all.

I thought he would do that again. But instead of getting woken up a bunch of times, I woke up when my alarm went off at 6:30. I bolted out of bed, my first thought being what the heck had the boy been up to for the last 2 and a half hours!

I didn't hear anything, so I tiptoed down the hall. I didn't hear anything through the door, so I very quietly eased the door open.

I could barely believe my eyes. The Pookie was sleeping sweetly in his toddler bed, his Cars blanket pulled up around him. Asleep! Back in HIS OWN BED! Which he went to and got in by HIMSELF!

I didn't know kids really did that. And I certainly don't expect it to ever happen again. But it was pretty cool. Who knows what will happen tonight.

So now, every night before I go to sleep I ask myself, "I wonder which kid will come to bed with us first tonight?" It's a sweet thought and a neat place to be in our parenting.

Signs That They Are Listening, and Learning

2011-11-29T22:08:00.003-05:00

We went to the inlaws for a lovely Thanksgiving. My inlaws have a big game room that has lots of toys and exercise equipment. One toy in there is a little ride-on/peddler tractor, which is fun for the kids.

One day, Londo and I were chatting in another room while the kids played in the game room. We heard a scuffle that ended with the Pookie crying. I let out a big sigh, Londo and I shared a look that said "here we go again," and I put down what I was doing. In other words, I didn't run in there to see what was wrong. I went, but I took my time. I figured it was another case of the kids arguing over a toy and whining and crying about it.

When I got to the door and looked in, the Pookie was sitting on the floor next to the tractor toy with the Pumpkin next to him comforting him. She had her arm around him and was telling him it was okay, that he was okay, that she was sorry.

I thought, maybe I was wrong; maybe they weren't arguing and crying over toys. Maybe he hurt himself and his sister was making sure he was okay. But I did hear her say she was sorry, although not for what.

I knelt down next to them and asked the Pumpkin what happened, knowing that she's still at the point where she will tell us when she did things she wasn't supposed to.

She explained that she wanted to ride on the tractor toy, but that her brother wasn't letting her have a turn. So she pushed him off. But he fell and hurt himself and started crying.

I had a split second to decide which way to go with my parenting. I could:
1. Scold her for pushing her brother and lecture them both about taking turns, sharing, etc.
2. I could praise and encourage the compassion she was showing her brother.

It was a no-brainer for me.

If I teach my kids anything, I hope it is to be thoughtful of others. I hope they are compassionate and kind and inclusive and stand up for others. I hope they care about each other and are there for each other throughout their lives. I believe that by teaching thoughtfulness of others, they will be better about sharing and so many other things.

In fact, one of the phrases I repeat again and again in our house is, "It's not fun or funny if someone is upset."

When my daughter told me what happened, I instantly realized that even though my daughter pushed her younger brother off a toy because she wanted to use it, when he was hurt and/or upset her immediate reaction was to comfort him and apologize. Even though there were no adults in the room with them telling her what to do. Even though he was off the toy and she could have it.

She didn't just take the toy and go off on it. She didn't ignore him or laugh at him or anything mean like that. She didn't just care about getting what she wanted.

She immediately left the toy and went to her brother. She immediately cared more about his being upset than the toy. She apologized and comforted him.

And that is success in my book. In that moment, I saw that perhaps my and Londo's parenting was working. That moment was evidence that what I'm trying to teach my kids might actually be sinking in. It was proof that my kids are learning the lessons I think are most important.

It was a moment to remember, cherish, and record for prosperity so I can revisit when I'm wondering if they are listening to me at all.

Happy Thanksgiving -- Four Years Later

2011-11-25T21:39:00.005-05:00

I hope everyone who celebrates it had a happy Thanksgiving. I had a wonderful time, and I'm so thankful for so many things in my life. Including my blog, even though I have not been very active lately.

On Thanksgiving four years ago, I set up this blog and wrote my first post. Over the next four years, I wrote pretty regularly, writing down stories about my kids for posterity, creating poetry to reflect my feelings about motherhood, sharing the wonders and frustrations of parenthood with others going through similar life experiences.

Except for recently.

Lately, I just haven't been writing. I haven't been posting on my blog, on Facebook, on other people's blogs, on Twitter, anywhere.

It's not for lack of material, or even ideas about how to write the stories of my life. I often come up with ideas and write it in my head. I just don't type it up on the blog. It's not as if I'm busier now than I was before, considering how busy and sleep deprived I've been since having kids. I have time to read and play on my iPhone and put together jigsaw puzzles (my latest obsession).

I've just not done it. I've not felt like it. I've not followed through when I have felt like it.

I always wondered why people who blogged regularly slowed down in posting and even stop blogging. I was always sad when bloggers I enjoyed stopped blogging. I never understood how they could just stop blogging.

I don't want to do that. I don't want to stop blogging. I'm not going to close my blog down or just leave it up in the air. Although, now I totally get how it happens.

I'm going to keep blogging. I've been doing it for four years now. I know I'll get inspired to blog more often again. I miss writing and recording my life and stories about my children. I don't know how to feel inspired again, but I will keep working on and try not to let too much time pass between posts. I know that the longer I wait, the harder it is to get back into it.

I am just going to accept that this is where I am in my life. I don't feel guilty for not keeping up with my blogging or my friends' blogs. I refuse the guilt that is so easy for moms to feel. Instead, I'm going to just try to capture my life when I think of things to write, and just do it when I can. That's all I can do.

And how have you all been?

To Tell the Truth

2011-10-19T21:55:00.003-04:00

The Pumpkin has a very active imagination. She loves to make up songs, stories, names and, well, everything. She is taking drama class again this year, and she loves to pretend to be things. Most often lately she's wanted to pretend to be a teacher and I am the mom teacher, which is a cute idea.

She also loves to be silly and does things just to make people laugh. Part of her silliness is making up funny things, combining her love of thinking up things and being silly. She comes up with all sorts of things, and I'm constantly amused, as is Londo and the Pookie.

But it can be hard to figure out exactly what to believe sometimes. I know what she makes up when I'm right there (she is not really marrying her brother), and I can also guess quite a bit of what's made up about school (they do not have a classroom horse so they can learn about taking care of horses). But sometimes there are stories she tells that I don't know if they are true or not.

And just to keep me completely confused, she either doesn't understand the concept of "true" or thinks it means something it doesn't. Because after she told me the story about the classroom horse? She looked at me, nodded her head and said, "It's true." One time she even said, "True story"! Kids these days learn that internet speak early!

One thing that drives Londo crazy is when people lie to him. So he's worked to explain what is true versus what is a lie to the Pumpkin for years. She either isn't getting it or is pushing her boundries to see what stories she can get away with. Either way, it can be frustrating for all involved.

If we can't believe her when she says something is true, then it become really hard to trust that she's doing what she should be. For example, if we ask if she washed her hands after she used the potty, we've heard her insist she has even though we saw her NOT do it. But other times, she insists to the point of tears that she has and we don't know if she has or not, which must be extremely frustrating for her if she really is telling the truth.

I always keep in mind a phrase one commenter on Ask Moxie who was a teacher would say to her students' parents: I'll believe half of what the kids say happen at home if you believe half of what they say happen at school.

I know it's a normal development phase, and the book Nurture Shock claimed that the ability to lie shows intelligence in children. But it's still frustration.

On the bright side, she does have an amazing imagination and tells very interesting stories and comes up with very creative games. That's the part I concentrate on, even when she tells me that she truly had the toy first, not her brother, when I know she didn't. Who knows what that girl of mine is going to come up in her life? I can't wait to find out.

First Camping Trip with Kids

2011-10-06T12:30:00.000-04:00

Two weekends ago, Londo and I took the kids on an overnight camping trip. That's right, this Family That Travels went to the woods! And stayed in a tent!

I may not seem to be a camping or outdoorsy type of gal, but I actually love the outdoors and really have enjoyed camping. I have very fond memories of camping with my family, and I had a great time going with Londo and friends when we were in grad school. The trips haven't always been perfect, but that's part of the point. It's not just that I like the idea of camping, it's that I'm willing to accept that "roughing it" may be rough at time!

On the flip side, Londo has been camping regularly his whole life. He has all this knowledge about living in the outdoors, and he gets more enjoyment from nature (especially woods and mountains) than anyone else I know. He has all the gear and then some.

We've been wanting to take the kids for a few years, but Londo was concerned that the kids were too young. This year, we decided that they were probably old enough for us to try it. We decided we would go this year, this fall. Just an overnight at a nearby campgrounds to try it out. And that's what we did last weekend.

You know how you can like the idea of something but in reality it doesn't live up to your idea? Well, I'm happy to say that didn't happen! And it really was because of Londo. He made sure that things went smoothly, that there was enough to entertain the children, that we had everything we needed and that we were all set up.

It also went so well because we went with my brother, his wife, their teenager and their 5 year old twins. My brother and SIL were campers before having kids, their teenager is awesome, and the twins are fun and play really well with my kids. It was a smart plan to go in a big, fun group.

For this first trip, we rented a camping site at a state park about an hour from our house. My brother's family got the spot directly across from us. It was one of those spots that you pull the car up to and lay out your tent on a flattened, gravel surface. It had a metal, circular area for the camp fire, including a grill top for it. It also had a picnic table, an electrical outlet and was right near the bathrooms.

What can I say. We weren't going to rough it too hard for our first trip with a four year old and two year old!

The first unexpected issue we ran into was one I never suspected we'd have to worry about. Londo had laid out the tarp along the gravel and was just getting the tent ready to put up, when I realized that there were peanut shells EVERYWHERE. This was not some case of a few shells left behind and easy to clean up. They were all over every part of the gravel.

Okay, people. The first rule of camping is leave the area as you found. I don't care if peanut shells are biodegradable. They are litter when left behind all over the place. Not only that, but they are a serious health and safety hazard for my daughter who has a peanut allergy!

This campgrounds are specifically aimed at camping with families. And with peanut allergies on the rise, I find it irresponsible for people to leave behind peanut shells literally covering the ground. There were so many that Londo quickly abandoned the idea of sweeping them away. We ended up switching campsites with my brother's family, and then we all mostly hung out at our peanut shell-free campsite.

I know most people don't have to worry about a peanut allergy, and peanut shells are biodegradable, so I couldn't get too mad about it. It's just that we always have to be so aware of the peanut allergy. We can't leave it home even when we're camping in the woods. And that's why we bring the EpiPen everywhere.

Back to camping. It was my job to keep the kids occupied while Londo set up our tent and campsite. We started off looking at cool mushrooms, moss and bugs (that I didn't even flinch at, for the record). But after a while, they were starting to get interested in what Londo was doing.

So I came up with a game: Nature Scavenger Hunt! I gave them five things to look for (a red leaf, an acorn, a brown leaf, a gray rock and a white flower) and told them the boundries around the campsite where they could look. I helped them find the items and put them in their own piles on the picnic table.

One of the cutest things a kid said during the trip was my nephew who was looking for one of the items and having trouble. This adorable 5 year old says, "Oh who am I kidding. I'm never going to find it!" It was really hard not to laugh at that. Of course I helped him out a bit with that item, and then he ended up winning the Nature Scavenger Hunt!

After that, Londo and my brother taught my teenage neice how to build a fire, while the younger kids ran around inside our big, 6-person tent.

Food was a major source of entertainment. Londo cooked hamburgers and hotdogs for dinner, and we all sat at the picnic table enjoying the meal. Londo also brought a pan of popcorn to put over the fire, and my brother and SIL brought the makings for smores!

Londo also brought each of the kids a glow stick, which of course was a hit! Now there were two problems with those. 1. My kids did not want to put them down to go to sleep because they were so awesome, especially the Pookie who didn't understand why he couldn't keep it and stare at it instead of going to sleep. 2. There wasn't one for me. Hehe.

By bedtime, the kids were totally worn out and went to bed pretty easily--once I seperated them and put Pookie to bed first and then the Pumpkin, like I do at the beach house. When we try to put them to bed at the same time, they just feed off each other and go crazy and don't settle down at all. But Pookie first, then the Pumpkin works well.

Once asleep, the adults all hung out by the campfire, talking and laughing. My kids slept through it. My SIL went to hang out with her teenager for a while, and my brother, Londo and I stayed up a little later until I couldn't keep my eyes open any more. I crawled into the tent, snuggled up to the Pookie and fell asleep to the sound of crickets and two of my favorite guys talking about football.

You may be wondering how we all slept, four of us in a tent, including my not-so-great-sleeper daughter and my very-used-to-his-crib son. And the answer is: crappy--just as we expected. But because we expected crappy sleep, it did not ruin the trip or even really cause concern or dissappointment or frustration. We simply did not expect to sleep well, so when we didn't, it wasn't a problem.

The Pookie woke up crying and trying to get comfortable within 10 minutes of my falling asleep. I finally got him back to sleep by singing Hush Little Baby while jiggling him a little against me. He spent most of the night tossing and turning, sleeping on me more than not. Londo slept on the other side of the tent, next to the Pumpkin, and he said she helicoptered all night. So crappy sleep, but definitely some sleep. And we made it to morning!

One of my favorite parts about camping is waking up in the morning to the sounds of nature, remembering where I am and crawling out of the tent to see what the day is like. And it was a lovely morning.

We had eggs and bacon cooked on the campfire for breakfast. Then, my SIL and I took the kids on a hike through some trails, while the guys took down the tents and packed up the cars. The nature walk was awesome. We saw so many cool-looking mushrooms and moss, a catapiller, falling trees to climb over and even a white-tailed deer that ran right across our path only a few feet from us! We did take a slight wrong turn, so the hike ended up being longer than we'd planned, but no matter! There were piggyback rides and shoulder rides to help the kids along, stops for snacks and cool things to look at all along the way.

The trail ended at the lake, when Londo and my brother came walking up to us and finish the walk around the lake to where they parked the cars, with a brief stop at the lake's empty beach to play in the sand for a couple minutes.

The kids had an awesome time, as did the adults. Even the teenager admitted it was fun. My daughter even declared it the best time ever! In fact, everyone wants to go again as soon as possible! Because, you know, we're a Family That Camps!

Question of the Week - The Things They Remember

2011-10-03T21:20:00.001-04:00

I was driving the kids to school the other day, and we passed by a car that was pulled over by a couple police officers. My daughter said that the police were helping the person whose car was broken or out of gas. I went ahead and told her that they had actually stopped the car because the person in the car had done something they shouldn't have.

So of course the Pumpkin says, "Hey Mommy! Remember that time when the police man pulled you over because you were going to fast?"

Yes, yes I remember. But why must she remember? And why must she bring it up every few months? Grrreeeaaaat!

She doesn't remember the nanny we had for the first 2 years of her life and then the next year for her brother. She doesn't remember the last trip to the zoo. She doesn't remember having adenoid surgery and the wonderful care we gave her after. The girl can't even remember if she brushed her teeth 10 minutes later!

But she does remember the one time I got pulled over for going a little too fast (though at a completely safe speed) trying to get her to school on time.

This week's question of the week is:
What does your kid(s) remember that you wish he/she/they would just forget?

It's often the bad words they remember, or the thing you said that you don't want them to repeat, isn't it? I'm just hoping that she is also remember all the wonderful things I do that show what a good, upstanding citizen I am. Not the time I cursed or got in trouble with the law!

How about your kid? Does she remember the time you flipped out when she pushed the boundaries too far? Does he remember the time you forgot to bring something he needed for school? Do they seem to forget things you think are important but don't let you forget the time you made a mistake? What do you wish your kid would just forget already?

Work/Life Unbalance

2011-09-27T12:59:00.002-04:00

Well. Work just took over my life for a little while there. I mean took over!

For those of you familiar with software development, we were in the final stage of a major release. For those not familiar, software development tends to be cyclical, and at the end of a release cycle, things get insanely busy. That's when everything has to be tested completely, all bugs fixed and retested, all the help completed, all the code finalized and packaged and ready to be deployed. It's hectic. Some releases more than others. This one was a crazy one.

I almost sent out an SOS for chocolate and more software testers! (I wonder what SOS is in binary...)

Before kids, the craziness of the final phases of the release and release weekends was not as big a deal. Sure, I'd miss Londo when I'd work really long hours. Yes, I had to drop activities and housework. Of course I missed snuggling with my dog and cat. But it doesn't last long, and I can make up my time with everything else after the release goes out.

Since having kids, this time period of the software development life cycle is really difficult. Londo has to take on all the things I let go, from housework to dropping off kids. For a few days in a row, I had really long days in the office, barely seeing the kids in the morning and getting home after the kids were in bed. I wasn't able to keep up with the dishes or laundry or cleaning the kitty litter boxes. It was just crazy.

As hard as this can be on Londo, it's even harder on the kids. The Pumpkin handles it okay. She acts out a little for Londo, and she's still adjusting going back to school. I think the area where I see it the most is her interactions with me. I'm having trouble explaining exactly what it is, and maybe it'd be going on anyway, but I feel like I'm getting a LOT of boundary pushing from her. What I really dropped the ball on though is the school stuff and her activities. I missed a deadline to sign her up for an activity I know she wants to take, but I talked with the teacher and they can let her in. Whew.

The Pookie, who is a total mama's boy, has really been missing me. I knew that he was fussy at home with Londo. And in the mornings when I would see him, he was totally clingy to me, not even eating breakfast unless he was in my lap. But I talked to two of his teachers (one yesterday afternoon when I picked him up and the other this morning when I dropped him off), and they both immediately said that he'd been really clingy at school. They wanted to make sure everything was okay. When I explained that I hadn't been able to be around much because of work, they both said that made sense and explained why he was so clingy. I assured them that the busy period was over and told them about how we spent all weekend together*. They both said that he'd been a lot better yesterday and that explained that also.

I truly believe in having a balanced work/life balance. But sometimes things don't work out in an even or fair way. Sometimes, work takes over. Or when I was out with knee surgery, life takes over. It's not just for my sanity that I can't be a workaholic and work crazy hours like that regularly at this point in my life. My kids need me to be Mom, too.

And now, I can get back to my normal balancing act, with a few fun things thrown in for me, too. Like blogging.

Dinosaur Shorts

2011-09-09T08:00:00.000-04:00

The other morning I was getting the Pookie out of his crib and marveling at how much of a boy my 2 year old is. I said to him, "My boy, my boy! You are such a little boy now! What happened to my baby?"

He looked at me with his big, blue-green eyes and said the words I wanted to hear so badly, "I your baby."

"You are?" I just about squealed, as I nuzzled into his neck. "You're my baby?"

"Yeah," he nodded and he cuddled into me. "I your baby T Rex."

And you know what I said to that? "I'll take it!"

As my husband later pointed out, when the Pookie pretends to be Baby T Rex (a regular game of pretend in our house), he is especially cuddly. Also, I will take the cuddles and babying any way I can.

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My kids love dinosaurs, and not just as a rain coat. The kids regularly pretend to be dinosaurs, especially T Rexes and Baby T Rex. They like to stomp around and roar. They also have a couple of little dinosaur toys that they play with. We also have a really great dinosaur book that they, especially the Pookie, loves to read and push the button that makes the T Rex roaring and stomping sounds.

One morning over this last weekend, the Pookie brought me the dinosaur book with some other books, and I sat there reading out the names of the dinosaurs, which he and his sister attempted to repeat. Some of these names are so funny to me, because it sounds like someone simply added "osaurus" to the end of a descriptive term. For example, there is the giganotosaurus, who is one of the largest (or most gigantic) of all the dinosaurs, even bigger than the T Rex. And there is also the Spinosaurus, who had (can you guess it?) spines on his back!

The Pumpkin started telling me about other "dinosaurs," ones that she was obviously making up. There was the Circleosaurus, who was the shape of a circle! And the Dinnerosaurus, who really liked to eat his dinner. I of course added the Kidosaurus, which was my kids when they were dinosaurs!

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My kidosauruses have been loving that show Dino Dan. It's a cute show, although it makes me wonder if older kids hallucinate too.

Hallucinations or not, the show is actually making it tricky for me to explain that dinosaurs are no longer alive on this planet. We seriously have enough arguments about whether or not trolls and other monsters exist (and are in the Pumpkin's room at night when the lights are off). And I'm still working on how I know things don't exist or if I've just never seen one.

(By the way, THANKS Tinkerbell's The Great Fairy Rescue! No, I've never seen a fairy, and no, I don't really believe they exist. But just because I've never seen one doesn't mean they don't exist, right little girl in the movie Lizzie who proves to her father that they do exist and he feels bad for doubting her? This totally validates for my daughter her getting upset about going to school because she is waiting to see if fairies come to the fairy house she built them. Sigh...)

But the kids, they love Dino Dan. When it comes on, my son goes, "Eh Dino Dan! Eh Dino Dan!" And they've come up with fun pretend games based on the show.

I don't mind the show in half-hour doses, but Dan is so obsessed with dinosaurs, I'm not sure I could be around him much in real life.

Question of the Week - Quick Trips Out with the Kids

2011-09-06T20:54:00.000-04:00

I hope you all had a good weekend. Here in the US, Monday was Labor Day, so we had a three-day weekend. It was a long weekend. A very long, LONG weekend.

We had just spent 6 weeks on summer break from school, and the first week back to my kids' preschool was only 3 and a half days. And then a three-day weekend. This is probably good for easing the kids back into the routine of school. But for us parents, we are just ready to be back into the school routine and not be so worried about what to do with kids who are getting bored at home.

We had hopes of going to the zoo one day, but I wasn't sure about my knee. I wanted to test my knee out, and I really NEEDED to get out of the house by Sunday afternoon, so we took a walk around the neighborhood. Londo pushed the double stroller on the downhills and uphills, which I found difficult with my knee. We aimed high on where we wanted to go, but my knee fell short. There was no way I was going to be able to make it to the far pond/lake, but I luckily realized in time that I was about as far as I could go and still make it back. So we turned back. No way I was going to make it around the DC zoo, which is all uphill/downhill, depending on where you start.

By Monday afternoon, I was going more stir-crazy than the kids, which is not unusual. I think I do better with the kids when we are out and about. I also think they tend to be better behaved when we are out and about. I got it in my head to go visit the pet store in the shopping center across the street. So after the Pookie's nap, I got their shoes on, got them in the car and headed to the pet store.

I like to call the pet store "the poor man's zoo." Sure the DC zoo is free, but it takes money to Metro down or park the car, and it takes a lot of time and effort to get downtown and around the zoo. But the pet store? It's across the street from us, free to park and has some cool animals to see!

So we went into the pet store and saw: lizards, a snake, a turtle, parakeets, canaries, lots of other birds, hamsters (though they were all sleeping), guinea pigs, chinchillas (CHINCHILLAS! how cool is that?), a rat, lots of cats including kittens, goldfish, catfish and all sorts of other fishes! Plus, there were a couple of dogs that people brought into the store to shop with them.

Oh, it was a lot of fun! The kids enjoyed themselves, and it was just a quick jaunt there and back. We left after the Pookie woke up from his nap and we were back in time to help cook dinner!

This week's question of the week is:
Where do you take the kids when you need to get out of the house for a quick and entertaining trip?

We generally go out for a walk or to the grocery store. We've also gone to home improvement stores and I've taken them to Target quite a bit. Errands with the kids can be fun, and you can get stuff done. But I think the best nearby store to take my kids is definitely the pet store. I even picked up some cat treats while we were there!

Where do you whisk the kids out to when you are desperate to get out? Do you run errands with your kids? Have you discovered a great store to entertain your kids for free? Do you get as stir crazy as I do spending long weekends at home? Or do you prefer to just kick back and let the kids play at home?

Monkey See, Monkey Do

2011-09-01T09:00:00.001-04:00

My kids are two years and three months apart. This has been really good spacing for my kids (although it can be rough sometimes on us parents). They get along really well. This makes me more happy that I can adequately express. I know that this is not the situation for all families. And I don't know if it will last, but it's absolutely heart-meltingly awesome to see my kids play together, hug each other, care for each other and generally enjoy each other.

Of course, they don't always get along. They fight and bicker and scream at each other and mess with each other. They are still siblings, after all. And I never want to put some rose-colored view of parenthood on this blog. But probably 80-90% of the time, they get along really well. They love each, and they love to do things together.

The Pumpkin is the oldest at almost 4.5, and she is used to taking charge. It's not that she is bossy, because she's really not bossy at all. It's more that she comes up with ideas of what she wants to do and she does them. Usually it is something really active and imaginative, and it looks like a lot of fun. So other kids tend to want to do what she's doing. And even if no one else wants to do what she's doing? She does it anyway. She loves to play with others, especially her brother, so she will encourage people to join her, but she won't stop her game if no one else is joining in. But because she has so much fun doing fun things, kids often join in. Especially her brother.

The Pookie is almost 2 years and 3 months old, and he loves to join in just about whatever his sister is doing. Not just because it looks fun, and not just when she encourages him to join her. Pretty much whatever she is doing, whenever she is doing them. Even when it's something she shouldn't be doing.

I'm sure you've seen the same behavior in action, perhaps in your own house or those of your family and friends.

In our house, we call this common and well-known phenomenon Monkey See, Monkey Do. The monkey in both cases is usually my son, though it can be my daughter as well. The Pookie sees his sister doing something or acting some way, and he does the same. I will then refer to him as Monkey Boy. And he will respond by saying, "oo oo ah ah." (It's very cute.)

The Monkey See, Monkey Do phenomenon can be a wonderful thing. When the Pumpkin is listening and helping clean up and sitting at the table for dinner and doing the things she's supposed to be doing, the Pookie follows right along! He listens, he behaves, he helps clean. But when the Pumpkin is acting up and misbehaving and not listing and not doing what she's supposed to? Well, Monkey See, Monkey Do. Which means it's TWO children misbehaving and having tantrums and killing us parents!

We have pointed out to the Pumpkin that her brother will do whatever she is doing, so she needs to be careful about what she does in front of him. This is especially the case when she is able to physically do things that he can't, because the situation can become unsafe. And she is starting to take that to heart.

However, we do worry about putting too much pressure on her modifying her behavior because of what her brother might do. That's just doesn't seem fair to a young child. So there is a balance somewhere that we are trying to find.

And I'm sure at some point the Pookie will not want to do anything his sister is doing. He certainly doesn't always do what she's doing now or want to play with her all the time. He does like to do play on his own (something my daughter almost never wants to do), sitting quietly and contently with his train set or blocks or books. And there are plenty of times that the Pumpkin will join in whatever he is playing and doing.

I'll take the Monkey See, Monkey Do phenomenon, even when they are both acting up and driving me crazy. I'm just so happy that my kids get along and like to do what the other is doing. Yes, it can make for some difficult parenting moments, but as I've even told my daughter before, they are siblings and should be on each others' sides. And if I'm yelling at them? They should especially be there for each other and support each other*. I didn't say this part, but I'd rather they bond together, even against us parents, than be divided from each other.

And isn't imitation the best form of flattery?

*This was when my daughter started mimicking me and yelled at her brother, who then yelled back at her. That's not the Monkey See, Monkey Do that I want to encourage. More a situation of Do As I Say, Not As I Do.

Why Girls Wearing Blue Isn't Enough

2011-08-30T15:30:00.001-04:00

My husband and I had an interesting discussion last spring about raincoats. Kids raincoats and the gender implications of what is socially acceptable for girls to wear versus boys.

In this discussion, we talked about how my daughter has a dinosaur rain coat. It was a hand-me-down from a family friend whose two boys had outgrown a bag full of clothes, which they gave us for the Pookie. But the clothing, including the really cute dinosaur raincoat, were in sizes 3T and 4T. The perfect size for the Pumpkin, who loved that raincoat the minute she saw it.

The Pumpkin has always liked dinosaurs, which we've encouraged as much as we've encouraged dolls. So there was no issue in either of our minds that we'd let her wear the raincoat and that it would be socially acceptable. In this day and age, it is most people don't think it's a big deal if girls wear blue and dinosaurs and play with cars and trucks and be into most of the same things that boys are.

But what about the Pookie wearing his sister's green raincoat with pink strawberries and a pink lining? That does not yet seem socially acceptable, but why not? And will we, as parents of a young boy, let him wear a girl's raincoat? Will we let him wear pink as he gets older? Will we care if he still likes to play with dolls in front of his friends in a few years?

This is a big feminist issue for me, and has been for a long time. I feel like women have fought hard to come as far as we have with it being acceptable for us to wear blue, play with "boy" toys and run around in the same games and sports as males. But men, especially boys? They don't make pink clothes for boys (although my husband has some really nice pink shirts and ties). It's not socially acceptable for boys to play with dolls as they get older, unless they are "action figures." Older boys aren't generally invited to go to tea parties or have their hair and nails done at a party.

First of all, this is a shame for boys and men, this limiting of them from a young age on. Why is there an issue if boys mimic their moms and their dads in many cases by taking care of a baby doll or cooking in a play kitchen or playing with little dolls in a dollhouse? What if a boy really likes playing dress up and painting his nails and has a fondness for unicorns and pink and purple? Really, what is so wrong with that?

And what is it about the color pink that is so appalling to some men? Why do we call it pink instead of light red, which is all it is. (White added to red is called pink, yet white added to blue is called light blue.) I just don't get it. Nor do I get what makes a color a girl color versus a boy color. I don't believe it's based in anything evolutionary or innate. I think it's more likely due to marketing strategies by clothing companies.

Let's talk a little more about the raincoats, as a true example of how limiting society and marketing is to boys. During our discussion about the raincoats, we went to a website that had the dinosaur raincoat that my daughter wears, and we evaluated the raincoats on the site. This may be the same site that Londo and I looked at, but it was half a year ago and doesn't have exactly the same raincoats. However, it is very similar and has many of the same raincoats, including the same dinosaur one. I'd love for you all to follow along with the little exercise Londo and I did, so click the link and the site will open in a new window.

There are 15 raincoats on that site (when we looked, it had 16). Of those 15, how many do you think would be socially acceptable for a girl to wear? How many do you think would be socially acceptable for a boy to wear? If you walked into a physical store, which do you think (and count how many) do you think would be located in the "boys" side of the store and which (and how many) on the "girls" side?

Even if you subtract those three patterned but obviously girl-shaped ones at the bottom, there are still more than half that most people wouldn't put a boy in. But for girls? I honestly would think that a girl could get away with wearing ALL of them. Some people might not be comfortable putting a girl in the pirate or fireman or maybe even the space hero, but I wouldn't think twice about a girl in those.

But what about the boys? You know that most people would pick only five of those, and only five of those would be found in the boys side of a store. And honestly? I wouldn't have a problem putting my son in all but the bottom three, and then because those have that belted style is feminine, not because the pattern or colors. But if my son loves to dance, why not put him in a raincoat with ballet shoes? Why should he stifle his love for cats or fairies?

Not everyone would put their sons in all the ones I would, but don't you think we could start to stretch the boundaries a little for our boys? The ladybug one surely should be okay, as should that butterfly one. Those are bugs, after all, and boys are supposed to love bugs, right? Or do people pick only the parts of the stereotypes that they want to follow, with certain ones trumping others?

Just as I believe my daughter can do anything she wants and I encourage her interests in all (age-appropriate) areas, I think the same should be for my son. But I know that it's socially not (yet) as acceptable for a boy to do and like all the same things as girls. At a certain age, he and his peers will start being cognizant of what is considered okay and what is not. But how do (general)we change that for our kids?

But limiting our boys is not the only issue.

Let's now think about what all this says about typically "girl" things. Girl things are not good enough for boys. Girl things are simply too girly, therefore lesser and unacceptable. The "girly" things, from colors to toys to sports, are discriminated against.

What does this do to our girls as they grow up? What message are we sending to both sexes?

Women are expected to do it all. We are now expected not just to take care of the majority of the house work and childcare, but often we are expected to work full time too! To break through glass ceilings, we are required to talk and walk like the men around us who are in control of the business world, but we are also expected to still remain lady-like, keep our femininity, be sexy and nice and all that other crap that is lumped onto us.

Funny thing about my rant is, I like to be all those things! I love to wear skirts and makeup and jewelry to work, and still cuss like a sailor when we can't fix the defects in the computer system I work on. I like to talk trash in my fantasy football league, then sign off at the end with "Hugs and kisses!" I love having both worlds open to me.

But I've also felt the sting of sexism in the office. I've also been very aware when the men around me get certain opportunities that I don't get. I've also seen how maternity leave affects my assessment cycles, which are tied to my raises. And I've regularly been expected by some people to be the main person in charge of the grocery shopping and cooking in my house, even though I work as much as my husband. (For the record, he does almost all of the grocery shopping and cooking meals, while I have other household responsibilities like doing the majority of the dishes and bathroom cleaning. And no, that does not make him some wonderful, special man. It makes him my equal partner in our household. And I'm just as appreciative of him and all that he does as he is of me.)

I look at the women in politics or Fortune 500 companies, and I see the expectations for women who rise to the levels that were historically for men and the double standards regularly applied. Yes, women are "allowed" into the man's world. But we are still expected to retain the feminine.

The feminine that is considered lesser. The feminine that a man wouldn't dare wear/play/do. The feminine that is STILL considered lesser by men, because if it wasn't lesser then of course they would want to be able to wear/play/do it, too. And even though some might want it, even though our boys may have a ton of fun having tea parties, playing with princesses, taking a dance class or wearing a kitty cat raincoat, society will eventually either stamp it out of them or cause us parents to limit them so they won't be teased or bullied.

And that, my friends, sucks for everyone. Because it affects everyone. Not just us who are women, but also women's and men's mothers, wives, partners, friends, sisters and daughter.

We do have the opportunity to change this. Those of us with kids, we are raising the next generation. Let's raise them by showing them that girls things are fun and good and NOT lesser. They are just as good for boys as they are for girls. And those without children still are part the society who can either shame parents into following the limiting behaviors with our children or proudly support the changing of this paradigm.

We can change this dis-equilibrium, this discrimination. I hope we will. One raincoat at a time.

Question of the Week - New Passions

2011-08-29T08:00:00.003-04:00

I've been thinking about Jac and SarcastiCarrie's comments on my last post. Specifically, I've been thinking about how becoming a parent can bring out things we didn't realize we cared a lot about until we had children. Whether it's realizing we think more about feminist issues after having a girl as opposed to boy or about the institutional sexism of school systems that are geared towards girls over boys or even about high fructose corn syrup in bread, there are topics and areas of, well, life that simply didn't cross our radar until we had kids.

As I said recently, I've always been a feminist. I've even always been a bit of a hippie. But since having kids, I have become passionate about topics that I hadn't even thought about before. I'll bet you have too.

This week's question of the week is:

What have you become passionate about since having kids?

I've become passionate about feminism from a mother's perspective and how sexism will affect my kids. I've become passionate about eating healthy foods, organic foods and cutting down on sugars, artificial dyes and other processed foods. I've become passionate about breastfeeding and supporting breastfeeding. I've become passionate about infertility and the availability of fertility treatments to everyone. And I've become passionate about the Montessori method of teaching and Montessori schools.

It's not that I always rant about these things, or even follow through with the support I want to provide others and myself. But internally, I feel the passion for these things. I may not be able to afford to buy all organic, but I do prioritize some organic foods, especially the foods the kids eat. I may not want to give my son processed chicken tenders with high fructose corn syrup, but since it's all he'll eat most days I do give them to him. I may not be breastfeeding my kids anymore, but I do give a smile of encouragement and support when I see another mother breastfeeding in public. I may not have a lot of time to be involved with my kids' Montessori school, but I do explain the method and why it's been so good for my kids to people around when the topic of my kids' pre-school comes up.

As the kids get older and I start to have more time and money to myself, I do plan to support my new passions more. But even before then, I do feel the passion. And it amazes me that things I feel passionate about I didn't even have a clue about pre-kids.

What about your passions? Have you developed new ones since having kids? Do you feel fired up internally about feminist issues or race issues or the state of the schools today? Do you do anything to support other parents or their kids under the umbrella of your passions? Do you now buy all organic, locally grown foods when you used to live on Hot Pockets? Which new interests have you developed since becoming a parent?

Expanding My Thoughts and Topics

2011-08-25T08:51:00.000-04:00

I have been feeling a bit stiffled on my blog lately, and I think it's because I'm not writing some major things I've been thinking about. I'm skipping some serious topics that pertain to my parenting because of some arbitrary distinction I made when I started this blog to stay away from things that might cause arguments or controversy.

But you know what? I'm not in that place anymore. I'm not as sensitive from pregnancy and nursing hormones. I'm not as unable to put together complex thoughts on deeper topics due to sleep deprivation. The focus of my thoughts have expanded outside the limitations of getting babies and toddlers to sleep, eat and poop. Although they certainly include those thoughts, too!

I'm a feminist, and I would argue that most people I know are to some degree as well. Do you think that a woman should be paid the same amount as a man doing the same work? Do you know that your daughter can be anything she wants to be when she grows up? Do you believe that women should have the same rights as men? I would say that most of the women and men I know would agree to all those. And that, my friends, makes them feminists. Your degree of feminism may vary from mine, but if we want our daughters and sons to be raised in a fair world where they can both be whatever they want to be, then be scared to say we are feminists!

So why don't I speak about feminist topics on my blog? I believe very strongly in raising my children with a firm foundation of feminism, as does my husband. Why don't I talk about issues of race or religion? These are also topics that I feel strongly about but rarely even talk about them offline. What good does that do anyone?

Keeping the thoughts and ideas we have in our heads means they stay in our heads. If we don't open dialogues about important topics such as racism, sexism, religion and politics, then how can we progress or come to agreements or simply just understand each other better? We will never be able to "just get along" unless we try to understand where others are coming from and communicate with each other.

I'm not saying that I'm changing the focus of my blog. Afterall, all the topics I had deep conversations about in college now have a different slant to them since I've experienced more of the world and, most importantly, since I've had kids. I have a different perspective now as a parent. I have different concerns as a parent. I have to make choices I never worried about before as a parent.

I guess what I'm saying I said in the title. I'm going to expand my thoughts and topics here on my blog. As always, it's important to me for me and anyone else commenting on my blog to be respectful and kind to each other. I love to hear other perspectives and ideas, so I hope others will share and not shy away from commenting.

Let's see how this goes.

Question of the Week - Behind Closed Doors

2011-08-24T08:27:00.000-04:00

As I said I would, I've been making a lot of trip to my parents' new beach house this summer. In fact, last week I spent the week there with both my kids and my mom (although we had to leave early because the Pumpkin got a fever). While there, I share a room with my two kids. Right next to the room is the bathroom we use.

I've realized that I feel very much at home there when I go in the bathroom to use the potty (yes, I call it that now all the time. Having kids, you know?). In fact as I go into the bathroom, I have to remember that I'm not at home and really think about who else is in the house. This is because I almost never shut the door when I use the bathroom in my own house.

I'm not sure if that's normal. It might just be because I have so little modesty. It's not like I ever shut the door before having kids, so it's not a forgetful-parent thing. It's just easier to leave it open. I feel less disconnected from my family members. And I just don't care if my husband or kids sees or hears me go to the bathroom. Although there are certain times when I do need privacy and shut the door.

This week's question of the week is:

What do you do in the privacy of your own home that you wouldn't do elsewhere?

Do you walk around naked? Do you pick your nose? Do you sing at the top of your lungs? Do you shake your booty to music playing as loud as it can go? Do you and your kids run around screaming happily? What do you do at home that you don't do outside your home?

Sensory Sensitivies

2011-08-17T20:33:00.000-04:00

She leans against the tile of the tub,
chin to chest, staring at the white
linoleum floor. Tears are streaming down
her rosy cheeks, her sparkley silver pants
are undone around her waist. She can't explain
exactly what is wrong. She can't find the
right words. She knows only that the pants
don't feel right, the waist hurts, she
doesn't like the buttons. She can't just
get over it, deal with it and move on.
In a hurry to get her to school and get
myself to work, I start to get frustrated.
But she stands there crying real tears,
and my mind brings me back to childhood.
I'm overwhelmed by a memory of a feeling.

(I lean back against the green chair,
eyes cast down, staring at the green-gray
rug. Tears are wet on my cheek, and I'm
kicking the pink shoes with white laces
off my feet. I'm so uncomfortable, frustrated,
upset that I can't explain what's wrong. I can
only cry and yell, insist it's not right. The
shoe isn't tight enough, it doesn't match
the other, it doesn't feel right. I can't just
get over it, deal with it and move on. Nothing
else matters; I can't focus on anything but the
wrongness of the shoe. I won't put my jacket on
and get in the car already. School can wait. This
shoe must be fixed, must be just right or I
won't be able to think about anything else.)

Mimicking my mother from almost 30 years
earlier, I take a deep breath and kneel
down to be on her level. I tell her I
understand it doesn't feel right, tell her
we'll figure out what's wrong. It turns out
to be the adjustable waist band, the buttons
inside the pants. (The shoe string is too
loose on one side, not as tight as the other,
uneven.) I loosen the elastic and fold
it over the buttons so they won't push
into her sensitive skin. (She undoes
the bow and tightens the laces.) I
check with her, and she nods, her face
starting to brighten. I zip and button
the fly. (She checks with me, and I nod,
starting to calm down and feel better.
She ties a new bow.) One last check;
all better. (One last check; all better.)

After dropping her off at school, silver
pants perfect around her waist, I call
my mom. I tell her about my morning. I
thank her for the patience, the understanding
she showed me when I would meltdown over
things not feeling right. I hear her smile
over the phone line. Of course she was
patient about my sensitivities. After all,
she has always had similar sensory issues
herself. Her mother was not as understanding,
and when her memories come to her, I know
she chose to act differently from her
own mom. I respect her even more.

---------------------------

This was a scene from the spring of 2011, and from my own childhood. Though I don't have sensory processing disorder (SPD), I have always dealt with sensory issues, which I believe is also true to some degree for my daughter. I have great respect for those who have to deal with SPD either themselves or with their children. It is not easy to deal with, and it can be hard to find the extra patience and understanding that is needed in situations that arise from the disorder or sensory sensitivities.

Some (of Many) Parenting Difference and Child Order

2011-08-10T19:18:00.002-04:00

There is no question in my mind that child order plays a part in the whole nurture part of the nature/nuture equation. For the record, I'm a true believe in BOTH nature and nuture playing significant roles in childrens' personalities, temperment, behavoir and all that.

Since having the Pookie, I've been noticing some major differences in the ways I have taught things my first born and my second born. I would like to say I'm simply catering to the different ways that my children learn, but that's not it. It is definitely more a matter of child order and the fact that parenting two children is just different than parenting one. I am certain that parenting three or four or more would also be very different from parenting two.

For example, with the Pumpkin I would often ask her to recite things like numbers, the alphabet, words in other languages, animal noises, shapes, colors, etc. I would ask her all the time, and she loved to list the things she knew and answer any questions I asked her (well, on a good day when she wasn't being contrary).

Her nature has always been that she need interaction and attention, especially from adults, and she has always been very verbally advanced. Since her birth order was first born, we were able to give her a lot of the attention she wanted and she had my husband and me to converse with to advance verbal skills. And in order to entertain myself, I would teach her the names and sounds for everything (and I believe my husband did similar).

With the Pookie as a wonderful addition to our family, there is a lot more juggling and chaos in our household. I realized that I don't focus on him in the same way I did with the Pumpkin. I don't naturally sit there and teach him lists of things or quiz him on shapes and colors. I have to really think about teaching and asking him to name things.

His nature is such that he's more content to sit and entertain himself, and he's always thrived with fine motor skills over verbal skills. As the second born, he has his older sister to follow around and learn from, while Londo and I don't have as much time to focus on only him. This is definitely a different dynamic than we had with only one child in the house.

So though there's probably some nature involve, I have definitely nurtured my children's learning in different ways. Sometimes I worry about it, feel a little twinge of that mommy guilt. But mostly, I try to focus on the fact that the Pookie has three people to learn from in the house, and that he's picking up a lot of different skills from all of us. He also learns some things from his sister (who is two years older) that she didn't have the opportunity to learn at his age.

A good example of that is that the Pookie learned how to play pretend really young. I remember when he was just starting to interact with his sister, just starting to sit up and hold things, and she was very into using the play kitchen and pretending to make, serve and eat pretend food. At first, that baby boy looked so confused when she offered him a handful of nothing to eat, but he quickly caught on and pretended to munch on everything she handed him.

Instead of feeling guilty, I am going to keep focusing on the social interaction he gets from his sister and the fact that they are both able to learn a lot from each other. He'll get his share of learning lists and getting quizzed on what he's learned through his school career in the many years to come.

Question of the Week - Time for Projects

2011-08-09T14:38:00.000-04:00

We are in summer break from the Montessori school that both kids attend. When we decided to put the kids in the Montessori school, we knew that there would be a 6 week period that we would have to cover somehow. Although the Pumpkin is old enough to go to some camps and the Pookie's previous daycare allows kids to come for a day or a week or whatever, those things cost money. And money is tight right now for us as it is for everyone else.

Luckily, Londo and I have wonderful, helpful family who live close enough to make kid coverage (mostly) work. My mom watched the kids one week, my MIL came up for another week, and they both will do other days coming up. In addition, Londo took the kids for one week and I will take them for another week. That will cover us for most of the 6 week period.

So that's what's been going on. It's quite a logistical feat, to get all this organized in a way that works for everyone, especially the kids. And things will come up to rock the boat, as they already have. But overall, it's a good plan and working pretty well.

Last week was Londo's week with the kids, and he took them down to his parents house for the week. That's right. I had the house TO MYSELF all week last week! I'll bet you think I would have spent the week sleeping in and writing blog posts and watching movies and generally laying around enjoying the peace and quiet.

Of course I didn't! I decided that with everyone out of the house, that was the perfect time to get some projects done. After all, the house has been in a state of disarray since I tore my meniscus just after I start a re-organization project in my closet and the guest room/my office. But finishing the organization of my closet depended on moving my old dresser out and into my daughter's room. But first I wanted to paint it so it would be cute, not old and fuggly. And finishing the organization of the guest room/office depended on painting the room first.

So that's what I did last. I painted. I may have taken on slightly too many painting projects, but it's been years since I painted ANYTHING. BC (Before Children), I used to refinish furniture, and I've missed that hobby a great deal. But that hobby, like with all painting, requires a lot of time devoted to it in which you get messy and can't stop in the middle of it. It also requires a lot of prep time and clean up time. And a place to do all of that without kids running around.

By the end of the week, I had two coats of a brownish, rosy color on the guest room/office walls, matching headboard and dresser for my daughter's room, and halfway painted shelves for my son's room (which I will finish this week sometime). Though my body aches in places I'd forgotten existed and my knee has really gone to the edge of its capabilities, I'm really proud of what I've done and so happy that I've gotten to do those projects! Now I can finish organizing everything!

This week's question of the week is:

What projects do you have on your To Do list that you haven't had time to get to yet?

The painting and reorganizing has been on my list for years, so I'm really glad I can cross them off. But I have other projects on my list.

Next up is hanging curtains! We have lots of curtains that we brought with us from our old house FIVE YEARS AGO. Besides lacking the time and energy, we also have some weird issues with the blinds on all the windows which has made it difficult to find curtain rods that will fit correctly.

I also want to frame and hang many prints, posters and pictures on walls of numerous rooms. And work on decorating the dining room better. And completely redo our kitchen (but we totally don't have money for that one!) And probably a ton of other things, but that's all I can let myself think about for now.

What about you? What projects have been on your list? Are they house-related, personal, kid-related or maybe even couple-related? What have you not been able to find the time to do? What would you do with a week at home by yourself?

Learning to Love the Beach

2011-08-05T13:27:00.000-04:00

I love the beach. I mean, I LOVE the beach. It's my happy place, it's where I feel recharged, it's where I go in my head to escape where I am. (For example, when I was lying on a surgery table after 16 hours of labor, body shuddering and constantly dry-heaving, worried as heck about my baby who was not coming out, I turned to my husband and said, "I'm going to the beach." And I did. And then my little girl was born!)

I love everything about the beach. The endless expanse of ocean, the rhythmic crashing of the waves, the hot sun blazing down, the soft sand shifting beneath me. I enjoy lying down reading a book while I bake, sitting up under an umbrella watching the kids and people around me, standing in the surf while the waves come and go, and walking out into the water to dive through the waves just as they crest. I love it all.

I am a Beach Girl.

My kids, however, I'm not so sure about... yet. I'm pretty confident that I can turn them into Beach Kids, but it turns out it's not an instant thing. Good thing my parent now have a beach house less than 3 hours away, and good thing we are going to be a Family That Travels! Because I am working on it as much as I can.

Not last weekend, but the two weekends before that, I took the kids to my parents' beach house. The first weekend we went, I drove myself and the kids down to the beach house, where my parents and my brother's family were already vacationing. The second weekend, I went with my mom, my kids and my 5-year-old niece. Both times were good times, with fun dynamics. I mean, how cool is it to go on vacations with cousins who are close to you in age? I got to do that every summer at my grandparent's house in Cape Cod with my two cousins from my mom's side. It was always such a great experience. And now I can pass that on to my kids as well.

But back to the issue at hand. The kids and the beach.

We went last year, but the Pookie was too little to really have an opinion. He enjoyed digging in the sand and tried to eat handfuls of sand. The Pumpkin had been in previous years, and she was excited about it. But then we had a little incident where she got swept off her feet by a wave. Even though I immediately had her up and on her feet, it scared her and gave her a healthy respect for the ocean.

I don't know if she remembered that incident on some level of her consciousness or if she is just at an age where things are scarier than they were before. But either way, she was very scared of the water and waves this year. She clung to my hand or ran from the water the whole time we were at the beach that first weekend. She sat just at the edge of where the waves could reach and built a wall (out of sand, which didn't really last as long as she had hoped). I didn't want her to feel and think that she was "scared" of the water, so I gave her the words, "I'm a little nervous about the water" which was super cute to hear her say to other people.

At first, my son seemed excited about the water. He enjoyed getting his feet wet and feeling the sand. I sat him down with his sister to play in the wet sand and build the wall together. These kids of mine spend their entire outdoor playtime at school in the sandbox, so I knew they would love to sit and dig in the sand. And they were really enjoying themselves.

Then a big wave came all the way up to where they were sitting. I had my back to the water, so I didn't realize it and didn't give the kids a warning. It surged over the Pookie unexpectedly. It surprised him and was uncomfortable for his to suddenly have sand and cool water all over his legs, while he was simply sitting in the sand playing. Meanwhile, his sister jumped up, shrieking, and ran back a bit higher in the sand.

I laughed and said "whooa," and he was starting to settle down. But then it happened again. And that was it for him. He was UPSET! I picked him up and helped him back to our umbrella and chairs way back on the beach. He did NOT want to be by the water. He insisted, "No wawa! No wawa!" He didn't even want ME by the water. For the rest of the day.

We hung out back on the beach, out of view of the surf. My parents and brother watched and played with my daughter and her cousins. Then my brother, dad and the cousins went back to the beach house, while my mom and I stayed with my kids.

It was at that point, I was no longer willing to sit so far away from the water (practically out in the dunes!) and out of view of my daughter playing. I also wanted to help my boy get used to the being around the ocean, since my plan is to go to the beach house as much as possible (see above about me being a Beach Girl).

I moved my chair, the toys, our other stuff and my self down to where my mom and daughter were, encouraging my son the whole time to come. He came most of the way, then flipped out about him and me being closer to the water. My mom went back with him to where our stuff had been, and I sat down with my daughter to build a wall.

The tide had gone out a bit, and the beach was less crowded. I could see the Pookie, and he was upset about me being closer to the water, but he was more unhappy being away from me and having no toys back where our stuff had been. He soon came with my mom back to where the Pumpkin and I were playing.

He started getting upset again, but I quickly moved into distraction mode, as well as adamantly telling him I wasn't moving and that the water was not where we were. Plus, I got his sister to start playing with him.

Before I knew it, we were all happy. I had a great view of the ocean, the kids were playing in the sand, and my mom was able to sit down and relax. In one day, we'd come a long way. And even both kids even dipped their feet in the water right before we left, as the four of us all held hands, standing in the surf. It was lovely.

The next morning at the beach went more smoothly. I knew to set up closer to the water from the get-go, I made sure both kids were comfortable with their location (the Pookie started getting upset, but he was quickly mollified). We had a lovely time.

Plus, did I mention the airplanes? The Pookie LOVES airplanes (and any vehicle, or go-go), and he pointed out every. single. one that flew over the beach with advertisements. To everyone around. It was really cute. And we saw boats and seagulls and even dolphins! Both kids loved seeing those things and pointing them out. You know, like Beach Kids do.

The next weekend went even better! From the first hour at the beach, they were playing in the surf with their cousin. They stood their holding my and my mom's hands. Then they wanted to stand on their own more and more.

My daughter ran up and down the slope to the beach, chasing and running from the waves in a fun game. She stood "strong" in the water with her cousin, pretending their feet were on surf boards. My mom lifted them (one at a time) to jump over the edges of the waves as the water came up the beach. She jumped in the water and stood still so her feet would get covered in sand, depending on her mood and current game.

My son wanted to do what the girls were doing. He played and jumped and stood still and wanted me to let go of his hand before long (which was okay for little bits of time, but the waves and riptides at this beach are unpredictable, so I mostly held on to him or at least stood right next to him). At one point, he even said, "mo wawa!" A big change from the previous weekend! So I picked him up and carried him till I was waist deep in the water, with waves surging up higher. I even had to sheild his head with my body when one wave crashed right on our heads! That was as I was just walking us back out of the water. He started to look upset about that one, but I think he didn't because he saw I was laughing and having so much fun!

They are well on their way to becoming Beach Kids now! I feel like I got them both over the initial humps we encountered. I do want them to understand and be slightly wary of the power of the ocean. It's important to know what riptides can do, and why it's important to stay with an adult. We really did have a few scary-ish moments when a strong riptide came out of a seemingly small wave and start to pull the kids with it. They are still small, and the ocean is strong and vast. Luckily, my mom and I and the other adults in my family know and understand what needs to be done to keep them safe, without ruining the enjoyment of the beach.

Because, you know, we're a Beach Family!

Question of the Week - Pick an Era

2011-08-02T10:36:00.004-04:00

I actually went out to the movies with my sister on Saturday night. I KNOW! I didn't think it was possible either, but events worked out in a way that we were both able to make it to a late show. And the stop at Starbucks for coffee made it possible to stay up to watch it.

We saw Midnight in Paris, which was a really good movie. Not only did I enjoy the plot and acting and directing and all that, but the movie focused quite a bit on the main character's (Owen Wilson) love of the 1920s (in Paris, no less).

I fell in love with the 20s back when I was in junior high. It wasn't just that the whole literary and artistic movements caught my fancy, but I became fascinated with the breaking away from traditional Victorian conventions to more progressive ideologies. Women were fighting for the right to vote, to wear short skirts, to be treated more equally with men. Automobiles were becoming a normal part of life, and changing every aspect of day-to-day life, from making traveling more convient to providing a private place for young women and men to make out. Speak easies, flappers, gangsters, partying all night, going about without chaperones, defying proper conventions... And on and on. This era had a vibrancy to it, a feeling of the world on the verge of big changes.

I enjoy history, and there are many eras that I really like. The 60s would have been a fascinating time to live in. The Regency era would have been intriguing. Heck, ancient Greece would have been thrilling! But there is something about the Roaring 20s that speaks to me.

So this week's question of the week is:

What era are you drawn to? And in any particular location?

The 20s in Paris is obviously what I am drawn to. But would I actually live then? No, I don't think I'd pick any other era to live in (at least in the past--a future era however...). I really enjoy the modern conviences of today's world, like the internet. I really appreciate all the rights and abilities I have as a women, considering how women have been so limited in the past. I am able to have a wonderful family with an equal partner, work in a job I enjoy (and make good money on par with the men in my position), travel to locations I want to visit, read, write and enjoy other hobbies as I want to.

And most importantly, I am totally in love with my wonderful husband and fabulous children. Who knows what my situation in another era would be. Would my chilren be this healthy? Would I be able to care for them as well as I can here, now? Would I have even been able to get pregnant, considering our need for fertility treatments?

After all, we weren't all Cleopatra in a previous life. Someone would have had to have been the village lunatic and all the serfs working the land.

What about you? What time period do you love? Would you want to live in a different time? And would the location matter? Do you think you could adjust to any time, any where, or are you happy right where you are?

And does anyone else love the Jimmy Buffett line from Boat Drinks, "You pick the century and I'll pick the spot"?

A Family That Travels

2011-07-18T19:09:00.002-04:00

Back in the Spring, before my torn meniscus and knee surgery and before Londo's back started acting up, I declared to Londo that we were going to be a Family That Travels. Sure, we've always been a family that travels (minus the first 18 months of the Pumpkin's life when she screamed bloody murder when in the car and carseat for more than 5 minutes). But we were now going to be a Family That Travels!

My parents bought a beach house about 3 hours from our house, and I planned to go almost every weekend from May to September! I would go with Londo and kids, by myself with both kids, with one kid or even by myself. When the kids went on summer break, we would take some of the vacation time to go to the beach and to my inlaws and camping and visiting friends! We were going to be so good at traveling as a family, that we'd be ready to hit Europe next summer (if only we could afford it)! Our bags would be halfway packed at all times, our cars ready to go, our mindsets open for whatever comes up. We'd be ready to go anywhere at the drop of a hat!

In fact, we started this new paradigm one weekend in May, when on a Thursday we decided to go to visit my inlaws (a 5 hour drive with no stops--so about 7 hours with two kids). We just packed up and went, and we had a great time... until I killed my knee while hiking up a hill. A hiatus on the traveling was forced upon me.

It's been a hard month and a half with me laid up recovering and Londo limited. But finally, finally!, we are starting to get into the swing of being a Family That Travels!

Two weekends ago, I took the Pumpkin with me to visit a friend. We handled a very (VERY!) difficult car ride up quite well. This past weekend, I took both kids with me to my parents beach house, and we had a great trip! Plus my brother and his family were there until Saturday, and my parents were there the whole weekend. We've got some good plans for the upcoming weekends and weeks while the kids are out of school. Not all of them are travel weekends, but we are going to be flexible in deciding when we stay and when we go. And when we go? No problemo! Because we are a Family That Travels.

There was a time period in my life when I thought I'd become a travel writer, even going to grad school for journalism, concentrating in magazine writing. That was not the road I ended up on, but I still love to read travel stories and I love to write about my travels. In fact, I hope to write more with my new outlook on travel with a husband and kids. Until I'm able to get some travel under my belt in my Family That Travels, I am enjoying reading travel stories about other families. Currently, I'm reading Family Travels: The Farther You Go, the Closer You Get, short stories by my favorite travel guide series, Travelers' Tales Guides. I have A Mother's World: Journeys of the Heart waiting to be read next!

I'm inspired by what I am reading about other families and their travels, far and wide. I know that it can be difficult to travel with kids. But I'm hoping with the right mindsets and the decree that we are a Family That Travels, we will take the difficulties in stride and really focus on the fun things we can do and see as we travel. I know that it is possible, because I grew up in a Family That Travels. Oh, the stories I could tell you...

When You've Had a Runner

2011-07-12T19:28:00.002-04:00

Last weekend, my daughter and I had a girls road trip! We went up to visit a friend of mine (MommyEm) about 4 hours away (with no stops, traffic or GPS giving bad directions--in other words way longer than a 4 hour drive). Her oldest is 4, just 3 months older than the Pumpkin, and her youngest is 1. We had a really great visit, and the girls got along pretty well, after a transition and warm-up period.

Most importantly, I had a great time hanging out with one of my best friends.

We spent a lot of time talking about our kids, who have some similar "spirited" traits. But they also have some very key differences. As do our parenting styles. But we support each other and don't judge each other. We know that kids can be difficult, and parenting is hard. Most importantly, there are a million "right" ways to do things, both as a child and a parent.

There were a few things that we had different limits about that got me thinking. Specifically, there are three times I'm thinking of:

1. When the girls were running around outside playing tag with another girl and my daughter went running off, I told her to freeze and come back. I hadn't been outside the whole time, so I checked in with my friend. She said that she lets the girls run all the way up to a spot that was WAY out of my comfort zone. So we modified it so that the girls stayed closer.

2. When we were walking from the car to the pool (where we had a fantastic time!), I told my girl not to run on the sidewalk. When we were leaving, I had no problem let the Pumpkin run down the grassy hill, which ended in a flat green area.

3. When going to and from the car in any parking lot, as well as crossing all streets, the rule is that the Pumpkin has to hold an adult's hand. (Although I do let the Pumpkin hold only the Pookie's hand as long as I'm holding the Pookie's other hand and I'm sure she won't let go of his hand.) Even going from a curb to the car door when there is no chance that the car next to us is going to move.

For one of these (or maybe more, I can't exactly recall), my friend asked why I was or wasn't okay with what was happening. I tried to figure it out, but what I said didn't feel right. I don't even remember what it was. But it certainly got me thinking.

But as I insisted on holding my 4 year old's hand the few feet to her car door, I realized what the difference probably was*. I turned to my friend and asked her, "Was your daughter a runner?"

My friend said that she wasn't. Her daughter would never have run off or into anything that might be dangerous.

My daughter meanwhile? Well, just image what a toddler with advanced gross motor skills, no sense of danger and who loved to run would be like. My daughter? She was a Runner. Before you could blink, she would be running straight for a street, a steep hill or whichever way you didn't want her to go.

I told my friend the story of when I was really pregnant with the Pookie one Easter and Londo got sick and couldn't go with us on the egg hunt in my parents' yard. As we walked outside, I enlisted my brother in law's help to chase after her when (not if) she started running off. Sure enough, we were in the un-fenced part of the yard for under a minute when she started running off. She's was a Runner.

Because she loves to run so much, I have created room for her to run, within limits. After the Pookie was born, I would let her run as I was getting all my stuff (and the Pookie when he started daycare) into the car. I gave her limits on where she could run to, when she could start (no cars could be moving anywhere on our street) and when she had to stop (if I say "freeze" she has to stop right away). For the first week or so, I ran with her, and then I watched her like a hawk, and finally relaxed a bit when I was sure she would stay within the boundaries I gave her.

But there are still too many scenarios that are just too dangerous in case she randomly bolts. And I have memories of a couple times when I nearly had a heart attack because she ran in an unsafe situation. So I will likely continue holding her hand on any asphalt, and I will still put careful limits on where she can run around, and I will worry about her running too close to the street.

Having had a runner, I have been irrevocably changed. It has become ingrained to worry about my child near a road or in a store or near a steep hill with a busy road at the bottom. I'm not sure those who haven't had runners will fully understand, and they might wonder why I still hold my child's hand crossing a deserted street. They might wonder why I yell "freeze" when my child is just playing tag with friends. Some might think I'm over-protective or a helicopter parent. (Again, this does not reflect my friend, just thoughts I've had over the years.)

But if you ever had the constant fear that your child might run off into a busy street with no warning, so fast you weren't sure you could catch them in time, and with so little thought about serious consequences... well, you probably are still holding your kids' hands, too.

*To be honest, I have no idea of other 4 year olds have to hold their parents' hands whenever they are on asphalt. I didn't pay attention to whether or not my friend had the same rule with her 4 year old. But I'm pretty sure I've seen other 4 year olds at my kids' school go in and out of cars and even cross the street without holding an adult's hand.

Question of the Week - Teaching by Example

2011-06-28T17:22:00.000-04:00

This morning was I was on my own with the kids for the first morning since having knee surgery. Londo did get the Pookie out of his crib and watched him until he had to leave for work, letting me (and the Pumpkin who was in bed with me, of course) sleep as long as possible. Which was very helpful, considering I stayed up way to late last night because someone was wrong on the internet! (Love that pic, and thanks to @Cloud for linking to it in one of her posts.)

But I did stay up too late, and I was sore from the previous day, which was my first day back in the office including driving myself around. I was trying not to be grumpy, but I was. I snapped at my daughter and started walking away over her dillydallying instead of getting ready. After about three steps (hobbles with cane!) down the hallway, I realized I wasn't reacting well. So I took a deep breath, and said out loud so my daughter could hear, "I shouldn't have yelled. That wasn't right. I shouldn't lose my patience like that. I need to try that again."

I walked back into the bathroom and explained to my girl that it was hard for me to stand so long while she was flopping around, that my knee was very sore, that I was grumpy and I lost my patience. Playfully, I said, "I need to find more patience. Where do you think some might be?" And she laughing said there was some over there, pointing to the other side of the bathroom.

I went over and got some "patience." Then I told her I wanted us both to try again. I said that I was going to keep my patience and I needed her to focus on getting ready. Then she added, "And you shouldn't yell because it makes me sad." I told her I would do my best, and that I needed her to do her best.

Next thing you know, she's ready for the day in cute pigtails, the Pookie was already in a cute t-shirt with cars, and I was ready to drop them off at school and go to my first physical therapy appointment.

I tell that part of the morning to point out the way I talk things out loud in front of my daughter. Things I want her to learn and understand and also imitate when she is feeling the same way. This is a huge part of the way I parent. And I know it helps, because she adds things like the fact that I shouldn't yell, and she does try again with me, and we generally do better when I use this parenting tactic.

As the kiddos ate breakfast, I got some last minute things. I was finally ready to start thinking about leaving the house and making sure I had everything I needed for my physical therapy appointment. Then, I thought about the time.

THE TIME! Oh, man!

Normally, I usher the kids to the front hall and the "getting ready" chairs at 8:30 so we can be in the car and leaving by 8:45 to get to their school at about 9:00. BUT this morning, my physical therapy was at 9:00. I made that appointment before I knew that Londo couldn't do drop off that day and that my mom was out of town. I had to do the morning, do the drop off and still make my 9:00 appointment, which meant I had to have kids in the car BY 8:30!

And of course, it was already 8:30. And everything was taking me slightly longer than usually because limping with a cane is slower than walking with two working legs. I started to freak out, making it very clear to the kids that I was very frustrated that I hadn't accounted for the time correctly and that I wasn't mad at them. But I was freaking out. The kids? They were awesome. They hurried, put up only a little fuss about shoes and sun block, and generally were helpful and focused. But even with that, it was 8:48 by the time I got them in the car and backed out my driveway.

I was so upset. I started crying a little bit from the stress and frustration. And do you know what my daughter said? She said, "It's okay, Mommy. You just need to calm down a bit. Try taking some deep breathes, like this... in and out, in and out." I listened to her and did what she said. Darned if she wasn't right! I DID feel better!

I thanked her, told her I did feel better and then asked for no talking for a minute while I finished calming down. I handed them the rest of their toast that they didn't have time to finish in the rush out the door. And then I was able to think and figure out what to do. I called the place, told them I would be late to the appointment, and they said it was no problem. And I felt a TON better.

I thanked my daughter and told her that because she helped me calm down, I was able to "think think think" and figure out what I needed to do, which was call the place, and they said it was no problem that I was going to be late!

This week's question of the week is:
What have you seen/heard your kid(s) do/say that reflects something you've been teaching them by example?

Unfortunately, it's not always good things we teach them by example. Nor do they always use the lessons correctly.

My son has been saying, "I mad!" all the freaking time lately. He's not always really mad, but he likes to say it. The reason we taught him this was so he'd learn the words to say he was mad and stop his foot to show how mad instead of the hitting and pushing and biting he was starting to do. So even though it was a good lesson that the Pumpkin and I showed him how to express his anger, he's now doing it just to get a reaction out of us. But, you know, he's Two.

How about your kid(s)? Have you shown them how to do something? Have you expressed your words hoping they will do the same? Does it work for you? Or are they repeating your curse words instead of the good job praises?

Just Say Yes, Of Course

2011-06-25T19:47:00.000-04:00

The Pumpkin has been in a phase where instead of saying "yes" she answers "of course." Like most phases, it started out cute, but has become a problem.

At first, she just said it ocassionally. "Pumpkin, can I have a kiss?" "Of course!" It was adorable, and we would laugh. The girl loves to make people laugh. She said it in response to sweet questions, and we found it adorable.

But then she started saying it more, and it was a little frustrated. "Pumpkin, do you want milk?" "Of course!" She didn't say it all the time, but just enough to cause Londo and I to sigh. How would we know if she wanted milk? There was no "of course" about it.

I'm sure you can guess what happened next. She started saying it all the time. So much, that it has started driving us crazy. "Pumpin, are you going to do what I've been telling you to do?" "Of course!" Now, she was using it in ways that were in way "of courses." Things she was ignoring until we practically had to force her to do or answer, and we'd get "Of course!"

Finally, one day I'd had it. I responded back that it was not "of course." That "of course" was for when the answer was pretty much known, and that I had no idea that she had heard me and was going to do what I told her or that I didn't know for sure that she wanted milk. I old her that instead of answering "of course" that she should just say "yes."

She seemed to get it. And the next few times she said of course, I said, "Not of course. Just yes." And she'd say, "Oh, right. Yes." And after a few times of that, she stopped herself from saying of course and said yes instead. I noted it and praised her for remembering.

There has been a noticable difference in the last couple weeks. She really has cut way back on "of course" and mostly just answers "yes." This is how I know we are in one of those equilabrium stages, because she is making the adjust quickly, easily and without big arguments or meltdowns.

So let's hear it for the ability to modify behavoir at age 4! She listened to what I wanted, paid attention to why I wanted it, and has worked very hard to stop doing it. Do you think I can translate this ability to other areas of behavoir? Of course I'm gonna try!

Re-Thinking This Year's Vacation

2011-06-23T19:46:00.000-04:00

Years ago, my dad (and mom) and I (and Londo) decided to buy a timeshare at a nearby beach from a family friend. It is a duplex with a deck overlooking the 9th green of a golf course, and has 3 bedroom, 2 bath, a kitchen open to dining area and family room. We would have it for one week and the end of May/beginning of June every year. It was a good size for us and our plans to grow the family. It was a set week every year, so that my dad and I could plan on our vacations way in advance.

This worked out perfect for me and my dad. I didn't have to worry about finding a place at the beach and coordinating the week and location and price and everything else, because it was already taken care of. It had access to a parking lot right on the beach with a clubhouse that included a bathroom and cafe. It was right on the golf green, and an easy walk to the golf course's clubhouse. There were lots of amenities that both my dad and I were very happy with.

Though it wasn't a good time of year for either my mom or for Londo, my dad and I have gone every single year since we got it, except the one when I was due any day with the Pookie (my dad went with my SIL and her twins).

In fact, the fertility cycle which we got pregnant with the Pumpkin was while I was at the timeshare. I did the 2.5 drive back and forth for two appointments and gave myself shots while at the beach house. The year after having the Pumpkin, we brought her to the beach house at 3 months old--her first beach experience. A couple years we had friends and/or family stay with us with their kids.

I love the place. I love the specific time set aside to go to the beach. I love hanging out with my dad and mom. I love bringing the kids, even though it's difficult to get them to sleep and the place isn't really kid-proofed. I love that it feels like a family vacation place.

But this year, I had to re-think the family vacation I had been planning all year. I had to re-think a lot of plans I had for May and June, which my half-organized closet can attest to.

This year, there was no way I could take the kids for any of the vacation as the only parent with my torn meniscus. My parents a great help, but I literally would not have been able to do any parenting of the kids. And this was their vacation, too, and it wouldn't have been fair to ask them to watch my kids and wait on me all week.

Londo and I had a big discussion about it. The beach is not his ideal vacation, and he didn't exactly relish the idea of spending his vacation days from work chasing both kids around in the hot sun with sand getting everywhere then going back to a place that wasn't kid-proofed. He would much rather stay home with the kids, where they would continue going to school during the day so he could work and where everything was set up to meet their needs at home. But he told me I should go with my parents.

In fact, he pretty much insisted on it. Saying it would actually be easier for him, because he wouldn't have to take care of me in addition to the kids! The vacation was between the time I had the MRI and my appointment with the orthopedic surgeon, so I was free to go.

So I went. Sounds fantastic, right? Almost a full week at the beach without the kids and with my parents taking care of me!

The problem was, that was not the vacation I planned. It was not the vacation I wanted. It was not the annual family vacation that it was supposed to be. Stupid meniscus.

All I could see on the drive and at the beach and everywhere I went were the adorable kids. Moms were everywhere, and most of them seemed to have kids right around my kids' ages. As I hobbled around with my cane, I watched the kids longingly. When I was back at the house, I remembered how cute my kids were at the table there and playing in the family room. At the beach, all I could think about was how the kids played in the waves and dug in the sand the year before, and how I had envisioned taking them again this year. Heck, I even reread my own poem about it! It was tough, believe it or not.

I must admit, I did have a wonderful time. Just because it was not the vacation I planned, doesn't mean that it wasn't a good vacation. I actually spent the first couple days with two of my best friends from junior high, who also happened to be at the beach that same weekend. My parents really took wonderful care of me, making sure I didn't push myself and hurt my knee worse. Best of all? I actually got to lay down on the beach, read and worship the sun like I haven't been able to since having kids. I was even able to dig a hole just right for my knee so I could lie on my stomach.

The only reason I was even okay going without my kids and husband is because, as Londo pointed out, my parent now own a house 2 miles from a beach just a town up from the one where the timeshare is. He promised we'd take our family vacation for a week in August at my parent's house, when the kids were on summer break and my knee was healed up. After a bit of talking, I realized that this was the better plan for the family vacation.

I had thought I would go to my parent's beach house just about every weekend, from May through September. The torn meniscus changed my plans, and I've had to re-think my entire summer. I am glad that I got to go to the beach in June, and I'm looking forward to the family vacation in August.

And now my recovery from the surgery and the physical therapy I will be doing is of even more importance to me. If they go well, and quickly, I believe that my weekend plans in July will involve a lot of trips to my parent's beach house with the kids, and hopefully without Londo since goodness knows he needs and deserves a lot of time for himself as soon as I possibly can give it to him!

Originally, I had figured I would go to my parent's beach house without kids a couple of weekends in July or August. I was not ready for that time in June when I hadn't even gotten to take the kids to the beach by myself even once. I didn't need the time away from the kids I had barely been able to play with or put to bed for weeks. But that's how it worked out. Now, I can't wait to spend my weekends with my kids, at the beach and at home, with two working knees.

Question of the Week - There's an App for That

2011-06-21T14:44:00.002-04:00

Well, I did it. I got an iPhone. For years I had been balking at the idea of "smart phones." I didn't need a phone that was smart. I need one that would make phone calls. And maybe take pictures. Okay, I liked the texting ability too (though not while driving). But that was IT. That was all I needed. When I was off the clock, I wanted to be disconnected from the world! Unlike all those people (*cough*Londo*cough*) who couldn't get away from work, I was happy to say that I wasn't on the computer so couldn't get my email.

But then these "smart" phones started having more and more cool stuff. And the designs were getting really usable. Touch screens? Very cool. Connect to the internet and look up information whenever you want, settling arguments and resolving brain farts in an instant? That'd be pretty nice. Ability to take high-quality pics and load them directly to Facebook? Keep talking. Being able to tweet from where I was with funny thoughts that my fellow tweeps might appreciate? I'm getting there. A calendar that I can take with me and send invites to my hubby's calendar from whichever doctor's office I'm in? Um, well, that DOES sound convenient. Games and entertainment for ~~myself~~ the kids while we are waiting in some line? I could really use that. The ability to pick up my Nook book and continue reading it no matter where I am? SOLD!

Really what did it for me is when I realized that this little pieces of technology were not "smart" phones. They are barely even phones. These things are Pocket Computers! So let's phrase the question this way: caramama, do you want a computer that fits in your pocket? HECK YEAH, I DO!

And that is exactly what it is. It's a pocket computer like on all the sci-fi shows that take place in the future. But... THE FUTURE IS NOW!!!

Londo and I had been talking about upgrading our phones because mine was totally outdated (and not smart at all) and his ~~crackberry~~ blackberry kept crashing. Plus we had these credits towards new phones that we needed to take advantage of. We put it off for a few months mostly because of money, but also because I was researching which Pocket Computer would best meet my needs (turns out, any of them!).

Finally, I was about to go to the beach for a week without hubby and kids, thanks to my torn meniscus. I wanted to be able to be in touch with them regularly. And I knew I'd need surgery when I got back. With little movement possible while on vacation and laid up in bed after the surgery, a Pocket Computer would sure come in handy! And we finally made time to go to the store before I headed to the beach.

And thus began my love affair with Polly, my Pocket Computer (get it? Polly Pocket? Pocket Computer? Well, I find it amusing). Oh, the apps I can download! The music I can listen to! The calls that work good enough to get by. I love it more than I even thought I would!

I know that many of you out there have had a new-fangled Pocket Computer for a while now. Londo, for example, keeps chuckling at my amazement that it does this or that, since his smart phone has been able to do that for years, yet I would hear none of it before. And others out there do not have one of their own, but surely have seens these devices do some pretty awesome things. But I am new to this world, and I am happy to discover more and more.

So this week's Question of the Week is:

What is your favorite app for smart phones/pocket computers? Feel free to tell me about more than one!

Of course I love the Facebook app and the Twitter app. But oh how I love the Pandora app! Right there on my Pocket Computer! And the Nook app makes me so happy and has been so useful that I want to cry tears of joy! Games, notes, calendars, alarm clocks--they are all cool. But my favorite apps so far are the following:
1. iPeriod - This is a period tracker app, which not only accurately predicted my last period and ovulation, but also allows me to track all the symptoms which I've suspected are related to my cycle AND forcasts my period/fertile days 12 months ahead. When I told Londo about this app, he immediately requested that I download it to his Pocket Computer, and I set it up with a 7 day notification to be sure he was aware of my PMSing!
2. Money Journal - We have been working incredibly hard at paying off our debts, and it's been critical that I budget my money by getting out only a certain amount of cash each month, and that I keep track of exactly what I'm spending my money on. For example, I've had a lot of doctor's appointments lately, and that comes out of my overall budget. Thankfully, I've not been driving so I haven't had to pay for gas in a while, which is where I'm making up for the doctor co-pays! This app was easy to set up and it's always with me on my Pocket Computer, so I don't forget about the coffee and dessert I splurged on which is why I have only $10 left in my purse. I track by categories, and I was able to set categories for the kids' expenses I take care of too. I now know ahead of time how much I have left and where I need the money to go, thanks to this app.
3. CardStar - I scanned in all those bonus cards I use, and don't use, into this app. Now I don't have to clutter my purse with them or dig around to find them when in the store! It's really handy!

Yeah, it's a Pocket Computer. It's not the games and contact lists or even email that gets me all excited about having it. These little "smart" phones are what the Palms were, except more and better. This little personal assistant I carry with me helps me keep track of my life, entertain my kids and keep in touch with work my husband. I seriously am in loooooooove with it and keep it by my side always.

What about you guys? What apps float your boat? What do you use the most or have lusted over when you've seen it elsewhere? Are you all with me in loving these Pocket Computers? Do you believe the future is now?!? Or are you still carving out messages in stone?

Explaining Ouchies, Surgery and Recovery

2011-06-17T11:50:00.002-04:00

Today is the day of my surgery! And I think a blog post is just the thing to distract myself from my growling stomach and throbbing head due to not being able to eat from midnight last night until my surgery at 3:00 plus the post-op time (about 3 hours left to surgery and I'M STARVING!) I don't do well without food. But it'll be worth it when my knee is better.

Over the last 4 weeks, I've spent a lot of time reminding my 4 year old and now 2 year old to be careful of my hurt/ouchie knee. The Pumpkin has been doing pretty well, remembering to walk around my leg when I have to stick it out from a chair, being patient when it takes me time to hobble over to get her something, and listening/following directions when I ask her to stop swinging her legs because they bang my chair and hurt my bad knee. There was only one time that she threw a package of socks to me which hit me EXACTLY in the worst spot of my knee, and when she realized what she'd done, she said sorry immediagely. (I never realized a soft package of socks could hurt so bad!)

The Pookie has less understanding and memory for these things, but he has also really be good about it and gets better and better with regular reminding. I regularly tell him when he gets near my left leg, "Mommy's hurt knee. Ouchie. No touch." Now he pats my left thigh or shin, looks up at me and says, "Ur knee? ur knee?" for hurt knee. And I respond, "That's right. Hurt knee. No touch." Then he pats my right leg somewhere and says, "Goo knee?" And I respond, "Yes, that's Mommy's good knee." When I put him to bed, he has gotten used to not rocking and he's been more and more careful about where he puts his feet and legs when he's sitting on my lap.

I'm constantly amazed at what kids can adjust to in a short amount of time.

Yesterday, I explained to the kids (well, mostly the Pumpkin) again that I'm going to have surgery and what it is. I told them that something is torn inside Mommy's knee (showing my daughter what a tear is using a piece of paper) and that the doctor needs to go inside my knee and fix it up. The Pumpkin seemed to understand that pretty well, especially since I know it takes a few times of explaining for kids to get things, so I have explained it a few times. Most of it is still over the Pookie's head, but hey, he can tell me that the car is blue!

Yesterday I mentioned to the Pumpkin that I would have to spend a few days after the surgery "recovering." I don't think I had gotten into this with her before, and she asked what "recovering" meant. I explained that recovering was spending time in bed, not moving much and not doing much of anything except things like watching shows on TV or reading and maybe some snuggling so that the knee would get all better after the surgery. I told her that I wouldn't be able to get up and play or do much of anything. But that once I was recovered and I did some exercises, my knee would be all better and that I would be able to do everything I did before!

She seemed to take all this in fine. In fact, she told me that when I was recovering, she was going to go into her room and get some books from her bookshelf for me to read. How sweet is that?!?!

Thankfully, my mother-in-law and father-in-law are staying with us to help Londo with the kids so he can take me to the surgery and take care of me while I recovery. Recovery for this surgery should be only a day or two, but as Londo pointed out to me a couple weeks ago, I generally take almost twice as long to recover from things as the doctors say. So I'm planning on 2-4 days, but I know that I will keep getting better and better until I'm back to normal and can run around with my kids again!

Happy 2nd Birthday to the Pookie!

2011-06-14T22:56:00.003-04:00

Today, my baby boy turned 2! TWO! I can't even believe it!

He's not a baby anymore. He's even starting to move beyond being a toddler. And he is completely amazing.

He loves cars (go-goes) and trains and his sister. He playing pretend, racing and, well, whatever his sister comes up with. He gets so excited when Daddy or Mommy come into the room that it warms our hearts. He's great at so many things and learning so quickly. Just today, he was able to tell me the color of the car he was holding was "boo" (although he also said the red one was blue, so colors are a work in progress).

He's able to do so much physically, running and jumping and climbing up and down everything. He is putting together whole sentences! His pronounciation is getting more clear, and he generally is able to get across what he means. And he tells us "ah woh oo" all the time, even when we don't say I love you first!

It seems like just yesterday he was a babe in my arms. And now, he's a little boy.

Happy Birthday, Pookie! Thanks for being such a wonderful part of our family of four.

An aside: My babies are growing up so quickly! In fact, I don't have babies anymore! Two years since my youngest was born? Do you know what this is doing to my ovaries?!? My mom heard a term that describes it perfectly: womb wistfulness. I never thought I would actually miss the newborn/infant/baby stage, but there you have it.

Two Working Knees Are Overrated

2011-06-13T21:45:00.000-04:00

Sooooo... I tore the meniscus in my knee. It's my left knee, and it's a pretty bad tear. I've been hobbling around with a cane and a knee brace on, trying to stay off my leg as much as possible. It ranges from sore to painful, it's especially hard to "watch" (all parents know that translates into "chase after") the kids, and I feel old--especially with my "old woman cane."

I'm having surgery on Friday, then I will be laid up in bed for a couple days, on crutches for a week or two and going through physical therapy for about 4 weeks. As frustrating as all that sounds, it's going to be WAY better than how it feels now and how limited I am now.

And doesn't it sound serious? Surely, you are thinking that I had some major accident, like a sports incident like Keri Strug. Or that I was fighting off criminals using some choice Krav Maga moves. Or simply that I was doing my own stunts, when I know there are people who are paid to do them!

Nope. In fact, I didn't even realize what I had done at first.

In the beginning of May, my knee started feeling like it was popping in and out of alignment when I'd try to stand up without first straitening my leg. So imagine you are sitting criss-cross-applesauce on the floor with your kids. Then you go to stand up. Your legs kind of unfold as you are standing, right? Not so much with mine. My left leg wouldn't unfold completely, and I couldn't put any weight on it at all. I had to sit back down, straighten in out, and then stand up keeping my left leg aligned straight.

Yeah, I know that doesn't sound right. But this is the knee I've had problems with since I as a young teenager. The cartiledge around my kneecap started wearing away back then, and I just assumed it was related to that issue. Once I had straightened my leg, it was as if there was never a problem. So no, I didn't go to the doctor then or really think much about it.

A couple weeks later, we went down to my inlaws. They live out in the mountains, with lots of beautiful woods, and it's very much the country. There is a long involved story (which ends with the fact that I am not to go walking around on my own down there), but the pertinent part is that I decided to hike up the steep hill from the bottom where I was to the top where my inlaws house is.

It was a lovely, though very hot, Saturday afternoon. It was so hot, that I realized I needed to walk in the shade. I turned as I was taking a step on the uneven ground to head to the shade over the path. My foot kind of slid or something, I'm not even sure. All I know is that my knee popped out while I was taking a step, and I couldn't take another step.

I don't think I've adequately gotten across what happened. YEOWZA!!! My knee just popped out of alignment! The STABBING PAIN!!! The inability to stand on my leg! I had to sit down, at the edge of the shade, still at the bottom of the hill, in a lot of pain, with NO ONE AROUND!

Fortunately, I was able to kind of massage it a bit and get it aligned right. Once aligned, I stood up no problem and hiked the whole way up the hill without any issues. Weird, yes. But then it was fine.

Until the next morning, when I tried to get up from the floor. It popped out, and did not go back in. I could not realign it again. I could not massage it away. I could not walk on it, and it was painful constantly. There was no more shrugging this knee issue away. Thankfully, my inlaws had a cane that they were able to lend me, which has been invaluable ever since.

Two doctor's appointments, one x-ray and one MRI later, we knew for sure it was a torn meniscus. An appointment with the orthopedic surgeon, another doctor's appointment, a blood draw and lots of paperwork later, I'm set to go for surgery on Friday. After lots of googling, talking with others who had torn meniscuses (menisci?), and conferring with the doctors, and I'm pretty sure I've figured out what happened.

In the early days of May, I was getting the kids set in the car to go to school. I was stretched across the Pumpkin's carseat in order to hand something to the Pookie in his carseat. I was stretched and turned and precarious, and then... the car door shut on my leg.

HOLY SMOKES! It hurt a lot!!! It was a big, heavy door, and my driveway is an uphill one, so there was lots of gravity added to the weight of the door. I had big bruises on both sides of my leg: shin and calf. In fact, I still have the bruise on my shin over 6 weeks later. I thought that was all it was, though, just bad bruises. I did not connect this incident with the issue about my knee popping in and out when I stood up until much later when I realized that the knee issue started about the same time as that.

The popping in and out was because part of the torn meniscus was getting into the knee joint, causing the "popping" feeling and preventing the knee from aligning correctly unless I realigned it first.

When I was hiking and did that funny thing to my knee, it actually made the tear in the meniscus worse and caused swelling and inflamation. I got it aligned and okay before the swelling and inflamation got too bad, so I was fine the rest of that day. But the next morning, when I didn't align my leg before getting up, the torn meniscus slipped into the knee joint and all that swelling and inflamation kept it from being fixed easily.

I've done my best to stay off my leg as much as possible since, but that is hard to do with two young children. Londo has taken on so much, and my family has really been amazing help. In addition, the Pumpkin has been pretty great help too. We call her "Helpie Girl" and she just lights up when she gets to help!

But I've had to cut back on all my plans for weekends, the family beach vacation, household projects, and the birthday party plans for the Pookie (whose birthday is tomorrow!). Luckily, I've been able to work from home. But I'm sick of sitting around the house and staring at all the things that I have to do but can't.

Not much longer until the surgery and hopefully a relatively quick recovery. Then I can jump back into enjoying summer with two working knees and two kiddos full of energy!

Four Year Old World of Extremes

2011-05-24T16:24:00.000-04:00

I don't know if it's a phase or the age or her personality or something she is picking up from those around her (like her parents), but lately the Pumpkin has living in extremes. It's not just the "ever"s or "never"s she is constantly saying, but it is also often about who is the "best" or "most" or "better" or "faster" or... well, you get the point.

I mostly just let it go. I know she doesn't mean it when I give her a hug or kiss I didn't know she didn't want and she says she is never going to hug or kiss me ever again. Or when we insist she cleans up her toys or brushes her teeth and she says she is never going to do it again. Or even when her brother does something she didn't want him to do and she says she's never going to play with him again.

It's the heat of the moment. It's her feeling her emotions to the fullest. It's her lashing out. At least it's not her hitting or pushing. She is using her words... but words can hurt and I know we will need to address it when she can understand a little better how those words hurt and when she has the control to not just lash out. In other words, when she's a little older... like 30... or maybe 40. I'll let you know when I've figured it out myself. Heh.

I do get a wee bit frustrated when she is so competitive about things. She has to "win" at everything, from finishing her food before her brother to going up the stairs to building a tower with blocks, she wants to beat him. While I think this is probably a normal phase for her age, I want her to know NOW that it's okay not to win, and that not everything needs to be a competition.

Just this morning, she finished her toast first and said she won. I said (as I have many times before) that it's not a race. You eat what you are hungry for until you are full. You don't need to eat it fast, and that it's better to take your time so you digest better. I have a feeling that I will have to continue making these statements for a while.

A little healthy competition is good. My husband has good results getting the kids to do some things by making it a race or seeing who can do it fastest. But when it's about everything and it's all about winning, I worry about it. I want her to have fun playing and doing things. I want her to encourage her brother and others with supportive comments. I want her to want to win in competions, but not be crushed if she loses. Most importantly, I want her to learn to be a good sport no matter if she wins or loses.

It doesn't have to be the tallest tower. She doesn't have to be the fastest up the stairs, especially when we are trying to be calm on our way to bed. She doesn't have to finish her food first. She doesn't have to say she'll never hug me again. It doesn't have to be all about the extremes.

We've been watching the Cars movie (SPOILER WARNING: I'm going to talk about the end of the movie and who won the final race!!!), and yesterday when it was near the end and they were doing the final race, she said that Lightning McQueen and the King won. And Londo and I explained to her that they didn't win. Chick won. Lightning went back to help his friend, The King. We explained that it was more important to him to help his friend than it was to win the race. That was the lesson that Lightning learned. This was just after we had talked about the things he learned from his friends that he used in the race.

She was quiet for a minute, watching the movie. Then she said, "Lightning learned two things from his friends. He learned to go backwards from Tow Mater. And he learned to turn from Doc." Londo said, "Yes, he learned those two things about driving for the race. But he also learned a third thing." I said, "He also learned that it's more important to help his friend than to win the race." Even though we had just said this, it felt important to repeat it.

These are the lessons we will work on. Right now, she is living in extremes. I've always said that the Pumpkin feels her emotions to the fullest. If she is happy, she is giddy with happiness. If she is sad, she is devestated. If she is angry, she is furious. She is my girl with the curl right in the middle of her forhead. I feel emotions like that at times as well. I understand getting overwhelmed and needing to express what I'm feeling. But I also understand how it can feel to be on the receiving end of those emotions, and how important it can be to temper them or find an appropriate outlet.

So we will keep talking about it. We will keep expressing the importance of being a good sport. We will work on teaching how words can hurt and how to express ourselves in ways that are not hurtful to others. And I think we'll be watching the Cars movie a few more times and discussing the lessons we can learn from that.

And maybe the world of extremes will continue. There are worse things that can happen. Hopefully she learns ways to express those extremes that aren't quite so, well, extreme. Time will tell.

Question of the Week - Toddlerese Infiltrates Our Language

2011-05-17T19:31:00.002-04:00

I love the way toddlers say words. The Pumpkin had some adorable words, some that lasted for quite a while like "wobberwhy" for butterfly and "ballerlay" for ballet and "laliloli" for raviloli. But the Pumpkin's verbal skills advanced rather quickly, so there wasn't a whole lot of nicknames for things that she couldn't pronounce, other than those I listed.

But the Pookie, well his verbal skills are developing in their own time frame. He's totally in the range of normal for his age, so we're not worried or anything. He just isn't able to pronounce his words clearly and he has come up with toddlerese words and terms for things he either can't or won't say the right way.

For example, he doesn't pronounce the hard "c" sound very well (or the soft "c"/"s" sound either). In fact, he only pronounces the "cah" sound and "sss" sound when he is repeating just that sound back to us. But when it comes to the word "cat"? He either doesn't say it or can't say it. Instead, he calls cats "meows." It may be in part because our cat's name is kind of similar to the word meow, but he does differentiate the word dog, our dog's name and the sounds a dog makes. But for cats? He refers to them all as meows.

So now the rest of the family? We often call cats meows as well! "Look, Pookie! It's a meow!"

So this week's question of the week is:

What nickname or silly word have you adopted into everyday speech that originated from your kid(s)'s dialect of toddlerese?

The other really big one we've totally started using all the time is the Pookie's word for car: go-go. Actually, it started as a referral to cars, but then morphed to include trucks and motorcycles and trains and, well, anything that has wheels really. "Hey look, Pookie! It's a go-go!" and "Here's your (toy) go-go, Pook" have become regular phrases in our house used by me, Londo and the Pumpkin.

We have started to differentiate the types of go-gos and refer to go-go cars, go-go trucks, go-go trains, etc. I am at the point where I forget when I'm talking with other adults and I'll start to refer to a car as a go-go. And the term go-go is now used by my parents and others when talking to the Pookie!

Sometimes, I think the Pookie is just being stubborn about what he wants to call things though. For a while, the Pookie seemed to be confusing cows with elephants. We'd have arguments where I would say, "elephant" and he'd say "cow" and I'd say "elephant" and he'd say "cow" and this would go on for a little while, and I started to suspect that he was either pulling my leg or just being stubborn. Then we started reading some Italian board books starring an elephant named Elmer. So he started calling all elephants "el-moh." And we'd have disagreements about that as well. "Elephant." "Elmoh." "No, elephant." "No, elmoh!" Until I'd give up and say, "Fine it's an elmer elephant." And now? I often just refer to it as an elmer. Sigh...

What about your household? Any special nicknames or words that have infiltrated your language? Any cute toddlerese that you continue to use? Any that you miss? Any from your childhood? Share with me!

More than Muffins for Mom

2011-05-11T11:20:00.001-04:00

We had been talking about Mother’s Day all week, not just because I was excited that this would be my first Mother’s Day when my daughter actually got it. But also because they’d been talking about it at school and making their mothers a present and preparing for Muffins for Moms Day.

At the previous pre-school my daughter attended, Muffins for Moms was really just a bunch of muffins set out on a table in the front hall, where moms grabbed a muffin on their way out the door after dropping off the kids. Sure, it was nice to get a muffin, but that was all it was.

I didn’t expect a whole lot more at this school, But the Pumpkin talked about Muffins for Moms at her school with me a few times, and I told her I was definitely coming.

Friday morning, the Pumpkin started to throw a fit over nothing. It was because I turned on the lights to the kids’ bathroom. Literally, that’s all I did, and she started throwing a tantrum. Ah, The Fours.

So I said to her, “Isn’t today Muffins for Moms day? I think you should be really nice to me all day!”

And do you know what she said?

She said, “Oh, you’re right! Well, I’m sorry I was crying. It was just an accident. I was just upset because I wanted to use your bathroom, not mine. But I should have just told you that!”

I was floored, but I didn’t let it show. I mean, a complete 180 from crying and yelling angrily to a sheepish apology (even if she still doesn’t quite understand what “accident” means)! But I just smiled and said it was okay, and we moved on to her washing up in my bathroom. And yes, I totally reminded her a few other times that morning when she was starting to get an attitude. Every day should be Muffins for Mom day!

But the best part was once when we got to the kids’ school. The Pumpkin and I dropped the Pookie of at his room, and then I took her to her room. When we got there and hung up her things, her teacher explained to me that I should find a seat and the Pumpkin was going to wash her hands and bring me a muffin.

Sure enough, she served me a muffin and then a drink and napkin! She then got herself some fruit (we don’t chance muffins not made in our own peanut-free kitchen) and sat with me. We enjoyed a yummy breakfast together, sitting in her classroom, talking about her schoolmates and the “work” she likes to do (the activities in the Montessori school are called work).

Next, I went to the Pookie’s room. His face light up when I went in! We sat down together and had mini-muffins. Though his teachers served us muffins and juice, he kept going back for more mini-muffins for him and me. That boy sure likes to eat, especially when someone is sitting with him. After we had a few, it was time for his class’s music class, and I got to sit in on it and sing some songs with him. It was super cute a lot of fun.

Then I went back to the Pumpkin’s room because I promised her I would sit with her while she did some work. She was doing a Practical Life activity, which was neat to see. She has such an imagination that she wasn’t just opening and closing different boxes and jars, but she was feeding a mommy and baby spider in those boxes with the spider food in the jars. This girl of mine is so creative!

Unfortunately, she did NOT want me to leave. She clung and cried, but I had to go in for a meeting so I couldn’t stay any longer. It had already been a while. She just enjoyed having me there so much, she was really upset when I left. And that’s why the school doesn’t let parents stay every day. I totally get it. My son was starting to get upset when I left his room too, but his teachers were able to distract him with the music class.

For all you other pre-schools out there, THIS is how you do Muffins for Mom day! I got to spend time with my kids, got served breakfast by my daughter (and she cleaned up after us!), got to see and be part of what they do at school. Not to mention, I got to totally extend Mother’s Day and it’s required nice behavior to mom to Friday, too!

Question of the Week - Mother's Day Favorites?

2011-05-10T12:40:00.002-04:00

I had a fabulous Mother's Day on Sunday, as well as a wonderful weekend. I hope you all did too.

I seriously have the best husband evah! He took a rough night with the Pookie, let me sleep in late, made me breakfast in bed, ushered the kids out of the room so I could eat it, stayed home with the kids so I could shop with my mom and sister then eat out a nice lunch with them and my SIL, her sister and their mom, continued watching the kids while I went with my mom and sis to visit my grandma, and fixed us all dinner!

I didn't change a single diaper! I didn't cook or administer a single meal! I got homemade pictures from the kids! I got a card that included a recording of the kids singing "I love my mommy, oh yes I do. I love my mommy. That mommy's you!" I got hugs and kisses and all the wonderful aspects of being a mom, with none of the complaining, whining or arguing!

It truly was a wonderful Mother's Day. I didn't spend a majority of it with my kids, but I spent a good portion of Friday and most of Saturday with them.

I thought of all you mothers out there--all my bloggy mom friends who I've not been good at keeping up with lately. I wondered how you all were doing. And I wondered what I'm making this week's (month's?) Question of the Week:

What was your favorite part(s) of Mother's Day?

Through all of those wonderful things that my kids and husband did, I have three favorite parts, though only one is for Sunday itself.

My favorite part of all was on Sunday: My husband did all of those things I listed above and more with such a great attitude! When I mentioned going to visit my grandma or taking time to go shopping or even heading up for a shower, there was no hesitation from him at all. Immediately he would say, "Do whatever you need/want, honey. It's your day!" or "Don't worry about us. I've got the kids, and we're doing great." So the guilt I can feel at time for doing things without the kids or needing him to watch the kids for long periods of time with no breaks? Non-existent! Isn't that the best?

My other favorite parts I hope to write about later, and they included Muffin's for Mom at my kids' school on Friday morning and my daughter's first dance recital.

What about you all? Did you have a good Mother's Day? Did you spend it with your kid(s) or without the kid(s)? Was it relaxing or adventure-filled? Did you get any good gifts? Breakfast in bed? What was your favorite part?

Hoping the World is a Better Place for My Kids

2011-05-05T22:37:00.001-04:00

I'm writing this before I've read any other blog posts about the killing of Osama bin Laden. I don't know what my friends and others I admire in the blogoverse have said about what happened. I have been on Facebook and do know generally what my friends there and family think and feel about it. But I want to get my thoughts and feelings out before I read other blogs, even if this is a big mismatch of ideas and rambling of thoughts, as the beginning seems to be.

I am not conflicted about what happened. I am not conflicted in my heart, soul or conscience about bin Laden getting killed. I keep searching and thinking and analyzing, but nope. I'm not in conflict. I'm not sorry. I'm not upset.

But I'm not exactly celebratory, either. I would not feel comfortable cheering in the streets over a man's death. I wouldn't open champagne or throw a party. However, I can understand that some people would.

People react to things in different ways. People have different ways of finding closure. People need different types of justice to be served. I read this article and realized that there is an evolutionary reason that people want to celebrate this form of justice.

I'm a peace-loving hippie at heart. I really do wish we could all just get along. Although I get it mentally, my heart does not understand why people would start wars. I don't have urges to be cruel to another person or animal. My biggest desire in the world is that every person be kind, respectful and accepting of everyone else.

But my ideal world, my utopia, simply can't exist--at least not in this world today or any time throughout our history. It may not ever be possible for humans to live in perfect harmony and acceptance, because of "human nature." Because how humans have survived, moved forward, evolved in this world is in large part because humans are competitive and... well... self-serving.

Unfortunately, there are some humans on this Earth whose competitive-ness is crazy high and they want to be in charge of and win EVERYTHING, whose self-serving is not balanced by altruism or desire for harmony.

Osama bin Laden was one of those people. Someone who promoted violence against others simply for being "other." Someone who somehow rationalized the killing of thousands in the name of religion and intolerance, killing "others" as well as his own people. Violence, destruction, subjugation, hate, intolerance. Those are just some of the cornerstones of what he stood for.

Imagine a movie with a character like bin Laden. From action movies to sci-fi movies, there have been plenty of characters like him. I always root for those characters to be captured and brought to trial/jail/justice. But if they get killed in the cross-fire? I'm not upset. And in some cases, even I realize that if the evil person continues to live, he/she will continue to cause death and destruction and the only way to truly resolve the movie is for the evil person to die.

I don't wish for the death of other people in real life. But there are people in the world whose death I do/will not regret. He was one of those people. I did not wish him well in this life, and I don't wish him well in the afterlife.

When I first heard reports of his death, I didn't quite know how to feel. But as I started remembering the details of 9/11, remembering what it was like to hear and watch the reports as it was happening, realizing the extent of what happened, learning the details behind the plot, learning the death toll and the aftermath, and most of all thinking about all those who lost loved ones, I realized that I wasn't upset about bin Laden getting killed. As I listened to President Obama's address, I realized that I have no problem with bin Laden's death and have no remorse over it.

And while I personally won't toast his death or cheer in the streets, I understand why others do/did.

I want the world to be a better place. I want to be able to live and raise my kids in my ideal society, my utopia where everyone is respectful and tolerant and helpful of each other. There are evil people in the world who not only keep the world from getting closer to my ideal but actively teach others to do the same.

Osama bin Laden is dead. I did not have a part in his death, but I am not at all upset that he is dead. I'm not at all conflicted. To be completely honest, I hope, even believe, that with his death the world is a slightly better.

Worst Dream Ever

2011-04-21T08:12:00.003-04:00

Well hello April!

Remember when I said that work was killing me but I thought things were calming down? They weren't. It's just been one thing after another.

But last weekend, we released the redesigned system! Yeah! And though it was a TON of hard work, I am really proud of what my team has done. We have really improved a system that is critical for the Agency where I work. We have made it easier for people to do their jobs. We have worked with users to make sure their needs are met by the new system. And we have raised the bar for all the other systems where I work. :-)

The release didn't go smoothly, of course. It rarely does. But because of some constraints, it almost went really poorly. In fact, Friday night we were considering rolling back and delaying the release, which would have caused all sorts of problems. We decided to regroup the next morning.

That night, I had the worst dream of my life. And that is saying something, because in the winters my increase of melatonin gives me really vivid dreams, and my depression and anxiety tend to make the vivid dreams mostly nightmares. I've been in war zones, I've been hunted by snipers, I've been chased by a shark, I've had crazy time limits to do important things, I've had ugly fights with close friends, and goodness knows what else.

Friday night my bad dream went from having problems with the release, to being naked in public, to the worst of all... my son almost drowning. Truly, that was the most awful dream I've had my whole life. I barely got there in time to perform CPR and get him breathing again.

I can't even think about it anymore. And I'm really mad at my psyche! As if I haven't had horrible dreams for a good chunk of my life, my subconscious now knows just how to hit me the hardest. My children.

The good news is that my developers worked late Friday night, so when we re-grouped Saturday morning they had a fix for us to test. We were able to release the fix on Saturday, and the new system was available for users Monday morning!

And now I'm taking a few days off to get a bit of my life back and mostly spend time with my children while their school is off for spring break!

Question of the Week - Signs of a Regression

2011-03-28T16:56:00.001-04:00

Because my daughter goes through those periods of disequilibrium on a quarterly basis (instead of the half-year basis it says in all the books), sometimes it feels like we are constantly dealing with developmental regressions. Which is, of course, frustrating. It can feel like every time we see progress, we back slide in development.

I know this isn't true, though. Not all progress is lost. Not by a long shot. I would say it's actually 3 or 4 steps forward, 1 step back. (Maybe sometimes it's 2 steps back.) And what's really neat about the quarterly developmental cycles is that we get to see the Pumpkin make developmental progress earlier than most her age.

But since we got through these regressions a lot, and now with two kids, we are getting really good at knowing the signs.

The Pumpkin's top 10 signs that she's going through a developmental regression are:
10. She wants help with things she used to want to do herself, like washing her hands.
9. She insists she can't do something she could before and needs us to do it for her, like putting on her shoes.
8. She says she's "scared" of things that she hasn't mentioned in a while, like dark rooms or "biting snakes" and sharks in her room.
7. She goes through a phase of separation anxiety, from school drop-offs to needing us to wait for her so we can go downstairs together.
6. Her ability to concentrate goes out the window, and she flits from one thing to another without putting anything away.
5. Any impulse control she had developed is pretty much gone, with her grabbing things from the counter and doing things she shouldn't like pushing her brother which totally drive us crazy.
4. She has difficulty "listening to her body" when she is hungry or thirsty or has to go potty, resulting in some meltdowns and pee pee in her underpants.
3. She has potty regressions, including emptying her bladder at 3:00 AM in our bed while she slept like a rock through it--until we finally were able to wake her up and she and I had a middle-of-the-night shower while Londo did middle-of-the-night laundry and bed change.
2. There are unreasonable, unforeseen tantrums and meltdowns over things that normally wouldn't be a big deal, like not wanting to wear jeans or even pants even though it's cold outside.

And the number 1 sign that my daughter is going through a developmental regression...

...

...

1. Trouble Sleeping! (Even more than usual, that is.) It all just gets worse than usual, from not being settling down prior to bed, to a long time falling asleep, to being wide awake in the middle of the night or really early in the wee hours of the morning.

Yes, I'm sure you all guessed it. It's pretty obvious. The good news is that it shouldn't last much longer, and at least she is somewhat more able to reason and think things through than she was for any of the previous regressions.

Here's an example of that: When she peed in our bed at 3:00 AM and was so hard to wake, I thought for sure that she would flip out when she finally woke up and I took her into the shower. I thought there would for sure be one of those middle-of-the-night crazy tantrums that we used to go through, especially trying to get her to shower. But no, once she woke up and we explained what happened, I whisked her into the bathroom without her making even a peep. I hurriedly got us both undressed and started warming up the shower.

As I started to usher her into the shower, she balked for a second. Oh, no. Here we go, I thought. But you'll never guess what she did: She reached over for some bath toys and then got in the shower with them and me. No complaining, not upset at all. We even had a fun and quick shower. When we got out and she went to brush her teeth, I had to explain that it was still the middle of the night and we needed to go back to sleep. And she said, "Oh, right." And we did.

So this week's Question of the Week is:
What are the signs your kid(s) displays when they are going through a regression?

My son is still so young (21 months) that his signs are pretty average for toddlers, I think. He needs more help falling asleep. He wakes up in the night, usually just once a night for a few nights in a row. He gets extra clingy to me. He gets extra fussy, especially at the Witching Hour(s) before and after dinner.

What about your kids? Do you get typical signs of clingy-ness and fussiness? Have any fun tantrums or night wakings? Have you figured out any patterns or timing to the regressions? Do share, because I know we all go through it!

Back From Unplanned Hiatus

2011-03-17T06:55:00.002-04:00

Apparently it's been two weeks since I last posted, which is the longest I've gone without posting since I started blogging. I've missed it and written many posts in my head about the many things that are going on, especially my daughter's birthday.

So why haven't I written them? Where have I been?

I've been working.

Let me re-state that: I've been working my BUTT off. Spending mornings, nights, weekends and all day working working working. I haven't been keeping up with dishes or laundry, Londo has taken on most of the kid watching responsibilities, and my mom has been helping with drop offs so I can get into work as early as possible.

Sounds a bit crazy, right? It has been. I almost never talk about my work, at least in any detail, but I'm going to just a little now. Move on if you have no interest, but check back soon for stories about my awesome and frustrating kids!

I work in IT, in software development. There are generally two different types of projects if you work in software: new development or operations and maintenance (O&M).

Since having the Pumpkin, I've been on an O&M project. There were regular releases with fixes and enhancements, and there were some long nights and weekend releases. But overall, the project was pretty predictable and and not too hectic, like most O&M projects.

After having the Pookie, I returned to that project in a different role (one I prefer) and to the plan of a redesign of the system. We were going to redo the system, from the back-end coding to the front user interface. I actually prefer new software development to O&M because I find it more exciting and enjoy figuring out how to make the system work for the users.

The thing about new development is that it is really cyclical. In fact the cycle is called the Software Development Lifecycle (SDLC). And even when you plan really well, and even when you have an awesome team, things still get really busy at the end.

Add to that an unexpected shortening of the schedule and a few shifting priorities, and surely you can imagine the craziness that ensues. Which was especially fun while trying to celebrate the Pumpkin's birthday, plan and throw her party, and bake something for her to bring into school for the celebration there.

From this point on, things will still be crazy, but not overwhelmingly so (I HOPE!). Blogging is important to me as both a release and record for where my memory lacks. Reading other blogs is essential in keeping me sane, as well as keeping me in touch with my internet friends. Therefore, I don't plan to have another lengthy hiatus... but I didn't really plan this one either!

But while I was gone, here's a few things I wanted to mention:
-My daughter turned 4!
-Spring has sprung, and I'm feeling so much better.
-The time change never fails to screw up the sleep in my household.
-My daughter's birthday party was a big hit.
-My son's communication has really advanced, even though his pronunciation has not.
-My daughter definitely goes through quarterly regressions, and this current one is (another) killer!
-My son seems to also be in a regression, which just adds to the fun.
-It's just a phase. It's all just a phase. Just a phase...

So it's been a while. How are you doing?

In Love with a Boy

2011-03-02T06:39:00.001-05:00

I always knew I would love having a daughter. Being one of those females that was part girly-girl (loved pink, dressing up and Barbies) and part tomboy (loved climbing trees, playing superheros and watching football), I figured that I would be able to connect with my daughter no matter what she liked to do. Plus, there were cute dresses and unicorns and dollhouses that we'd get her!

But having a son? That made me a bit nervous. Not a lot nervous, because I have always loved hanging out with the guys. But a bit nervous because everyone said that they are full of energy, are so physical and not as emotionally sensitive as girls. After having my daughter who is full of energy and very physical, I became less nervous still. But it didn't change the fact that I wasn't sure just how I'd feel about having a boy.

I didn't realize was just how much I would love having a son.

I knew I would love him and that I would even enjoy raising a boy. But I just didn't know how much. Because I am loving it, and him, SO VERY MUCH!

My mom told me that having a boy is like having a little boyfriend. You've got this little guy to cuddle and kiss, a little man to go with you to the store or park or wherever, a guy who's face lights up when he sees you.

But I find I'm much more forgiving to my son that I would be to a boyfriend. For instance, I laugh when the Pookie sticks his hands down my shirt or nuzzles my breasts, even if we are around other people. That would not have been okay for a boyfriend. Or the fact that I think it's funny that he sticks his hands down his pants (except during teething phases when I know his hands will shortly be going in his mouth--that's when we make sure he's got a onsie on). The only other time I thought that was funny was when Al Bundy would do it on Married with Children.

Although my little guy LOVES my breasts and thinks nothing of sticking his hands in his diaper, I think the world of him. And to put modesty aside, I know he thinks the world of me. Without my doing anything specific (or perhaps it's more honest to say doing anything different from what I did with the Pumpkin), the Pookie is a mama's boy. And I'm loving every second of it!

Question of the Week - Birthday Party Themes

2011-02-28T05:38:00.004-05:00

Well, I didn't mean to disappear for a week. Sorry about that. Work is just crazy busy right now. In the little spare time I had from work, kids and sleep, I spent reading books.

Between the two books for my two book clubs this month, I tried to slip in another book. I wanted it to be one I'd already bought, heard good things about and had been waiting to read. My mistake was trying to slip in book 1 of a trilogy. I loved The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins, so much that I immediately had to read the next two books (Catching Fire and Mockingjay)! Though I read them fast, I still had to finish my next book club book, which was another amazing book called The Forgotten Garden, by Kate Morton.

So basically I've spent every spare second with my nose glued to my Nook. (I love my Nook!)

The biggest problem I'm now having isn't even catching up on all the wonderful blogs I read or even writing down the millions of things I want to post about. It's planning my daughter's 4th birthday party.

In a little less than 2 weeks, we will be having her birthday party at our house. It will be a family party, so no huge event planning is needed. But we have had the hardest time coming up with a theme. Last year, we did an Arts and Crafts Party, and it was really awesome. I want to come up with something as fun and cool as that. I think I finally might have a good one, but I need to run it by Londo before announcing.

So I've spent a lot of time lately thinking back to the party themes I had for my birthdays growing up. Which brings us to this week's Question of the Week:

What were some of the best themes you had for your birthday parties growing up?

I have a July birthday, so I had a pool party at least one year. I also had a roller skating party. One year my brother and sister took a clown class and came to my party as clowns, which was so fun. But I think my favorite theme was a costume party, which I did for at least two birthdays. (Is it any surprise that I love throwing Halloween parties?)

What about you guys? Weren't parties different back when we were young? What themes did you have at your parties? What was your favorite birthday party?

Pills

2011-02-17T09:48:00.002-05:00

these two to supplement the sun
and two of these to keep me sane
this small one to boost my energy
two bigger ones to help my brain
one of these for my general health
occasionally these for aches and pain
a handful to swallow until the spring
then next fall it starts over again

Question of the Week - That's Not a Kids' Song

2011-02-15T07:01:00.002-05:00

I've always loved to sing. I was in chorus in high school, and I even made the chambers singers group. I took voice lessons through high school and college. And over the years, I was asked many times if I wanted to be a professional singer. Not only was I honest with myself about not being at that level, but I knew that even if I was good enough (which again, I wasn't) I wouldn't want the life of a professional singer. But when I said no, then people would want to know why I kept up with taking lessons. Aside from the joy of singing learning new songs and techniques, my answer was always that I just want to be able to sing pretty lullabies to my future children.

Now that I am a mother, I do indeed sing my babies to sleep. I spent years singing the Pumpkin to sleep, and occasionally still do. I sing the Pookie to sleep every time I put him to bed or down for a nap. If you think about it, that's a LOT of songs. A LOT of the same songs. Over and over and over again.

I have to admit, I get tired of the same old songs again and again. Don't get me wrong, I love the lullabies and even kids' songs. I sing a lot of Rockabye Baby and Twinkle Twinkle and Frere Jacque. But I've got to stay sane, so I also sing some of my favorite jazz and blues standards and some rock songs too.

I remember reading in Jenny McCarthy's book Baby Laughs that she didn't really know any lullabies or kids songs, so she would sing Brittany Spears (I think it was Baby One More Time). And when The Office had that episode with Jan bringing in her baby and she sang Son of a Preacher Man, I didn't think it was really inappropriate of her to sing that to the newborn. After all, at a certain point you've got to sing what you like or you're going to hate singing.

So this week's Question of the Week is:

What song have you sung/do you sing to your kids that borders on or flat out is inappropriate?

This past summer, right after I weaned, I was craving margaritas. In fact, I was walking my son and bouncing him, trying to get him to sleep for his nap, thinking about a nice, cold margarita with salt on the rim of the glass... and I started singing Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville. And wouldn't you know it? The boy calmed down and fell to sleep. He really liked the tune, and I imagine he will become a Parrothead like his daddy was.

And Margaritaville isn't that bad, right? I mean, it's not like it's Let's Get Drunk and Screw!

What about you? Do you sing to your kids? What adult songs to you sing, knowing they don't understand the words? What do you sing or listen to to keep you sane at bedtime?

Oh, The Drama!

2011-02-10T06:25:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, the Pumpkin's school sent home a flier for the after-school classes they were going to offer. I'd just been thinking about signing her up for some classes, but timing is such an issue with Londo and I working full time outside the house. So classes right there at her school while she is there for after-hours care anyway? Sign us up!

There were two classes available for her age, Art Class and Drama Class. At the moment, we are (still) totally strapped for moolah, so we could only sign her up for one class at her school (I had already told her I would sign her up for dance classes, and that's outside of her school). I believe both Londo and I were ready to just sign her up for the Art Class, knowing how much she always has loved art. But I had the thought that we should offer her both and let her pick.

I told her that her school was offering Art Class or Drama Class, and she could pick one. She asked what drama was, and when I explained that it was pretend play where you could pretend to be other people and dress up and sometimes sign and dance... well it was like rainbows and unicorns and roses were falling into her lap!

With a voice full of excitment and wonder, she immediately said, "Drama!"

I responded, "Really? You want to take Drama and not Art?"

"Yes," she said, emphatically. "Drama!"

Even though it seems like an obvious fit for her now, at the time Londo and I both had really assumed she'd want to do art. So we were surprised. Not just at her answer, but her assuredness in her answer about this new thing. And she was sure. Londo doubled checked next, and she held strong with her answer of "Drama!" I asked one more time before we filled in the paperwork and wrote the check. "Drama!"

Once we thought about it, it made so much sense. The Pumpkin is highly energetic, loves to be the center of attention, and is very dramatic in pretty much everything she does. The girl is a Drama Girl. She enjoys dressing up, and she especially loves playing pretend. She has an incredible imagination, and she is really good at making up scenarios with imaginary friends from TV shows (we've had Dora, Boots and Benny over for tea many times, and lately the Animal Mechanicals Rex and Sasquatch have been playing with us). She loves to sing and dance. And watch out if you give that girl a microphone!

She had the first Drama Class last Friday, and she said it was lots of fun. They apparently ran around in a circle a lot doing different movements. She said they galloped, and I'm guessing they pretended to be a horse or something like that. One class in, and she's loving it.

Coincidentally, my sister's daughter's 5th birthday party last Saturday was at the local theater watching a children's play. It was an hour long musical called Click Clack Moo, based on the children's book of the same name. Although the Pumpkin was a bit upset when I explained that we would just be sitting in the audience, not actually doing the drama, she was still excited to go.

She sat through the whole thing fascinated. I was quite impressed that through the show she didn't fidget much, didn't get up at all, didn't really talk, laughed at the funny parts, and really followed what was going on. It was a lot of fun to be able to go to the theater with her and watch a play together. I feel like a whole new world is opening up to us for fun things to do together.

And in the spring? She will be part of the play that her Drama Class is going to put on! I keep imagining the fun we will have going to plays with our Drama Girl!

And Least Poop Wasn't All Over the Crib

2011-02-08T16:54:00.004-05:00

This morning, the Pookie woke up and played in his crib for a while, like he does the majority of his mornings. (This is such an unbelievable phenomena in our house, since the Pumpkin NEVER did that.)

The Pumpkin was already awake, so she and I went to the nursery door to go get him up and out of the crib. Not only does the Pumpkin love to go get him (and has before gone in without me before I was ready to get him), but she knows the routine. On our way down the hall, she said, "I'll open the door, and you get Pookie out and change his diaper and then he and I can go play!"

So she opened the door... and...

That baby was in the middle of getting naked! For the first time ever, he had unzipped his sleeper and was pulling his arms out of it. For a second, I thought, how cute! But then I realized that his boy parts were hanging out of the front, unzipped part.

Um, where was his diaper?

That's went I realized the normal routine, which the Pumpkin had outlined so nicely, was going to change. Instead of the normal pick-up, hug and squeeze, and cheek kisses I usually give him first thing in the morning, I had to carry him awkwardly to the changing table to better assess the daiperless situation.

I was especially worried about his peeing outside the diaper, in his sleeper, in the crib and possibly on me while I carried him. At least, I was worried about that... until... I smelled the poop.

Once I smelled the poop and realized his diaper was pushed down one leg of his sleeper, I hurriedly carried him even more awkwardly straight into the bath tub. When I stripped the sleeper off of him, I found the poop. I big ball of it at the bottom of a leg of the sleeper.

Seriously gross.

Oh, I also found poop smeered all over the inside of the sleeper, all over his (adorable little baby) bottom and all down one of his legs. Surprisingly, none was on his hands--and I worked hard to keep it that way.

I had to wipe him down with multiple wipes, then spray him off with the shower nozzle, soap him all up and wash him off again. He was not thrilled about the shower nozzle, even though it's hand-held so I was able to direct it below his head while he stood there. Actually, he was not happy about the whole thing.

But once he was cleaned up, toweled off, diapered, dressed and snuggled, he was in a great mood and ready to play with his sister!

So what the heck happened? I just don't know. Was a diaper mishap that caused the poop to get outside of the diaper, so he started taking his sleeper off because it was uncomfortable? Was it because he was taking his sleeper off that the poop fell out of the diaper? Did he unzip his sleeper, push his diaper around and off, then the poop fell out so he tried to get out of his sleeper?

The boy does love putting his hands down his pants and inside his diaper. Unfortunately, he still puts his hands in his mouth a lot, and that's why he wears a sleeper to bed! (And onsies to school under his clothes!)

You know what? I'm going to stop trying to analyze it, unless it happens again. If it happens again, I'll have to evaluate the sleepers--maybe find ones that zip in the back or something. Let's call it a freak diaper incident. It's just another poop story to add to the list.

It wasn't so bad, as poop stories go. But did I mention that I hadn't even had my coffee yet?

Question of the Week - Next Level of Shows

2011-02-07T06:27:00.002-05:00

Before I talk about the Pumpkin's developmental growth more, I want to clarify that reasoning doesn't always work. But I would say that over 50% of the time it does, and those are winning odds in my book!

Something else that has come along with her development spurt are new shows. My girl has always liked certain shows, but gets bored with the same episodes and even same shows after a while. She likes new, different and varieties.

So when she was home sick for two weeks and we watched a lot of TV (because she was too sick to do much else for a lot of that time), she got very bored with the same old shows. She had seen the Dora and Diego episodes that were On Demand way too many times. She was feverish and listless and BORED.

One afternoon, I realized that I had to find her some new shows to spark her interest and keep her entertained while she couldn't run around. It occurred to me that her recent development meant that she was probably ready for some shows at the next level. Remembering that I'd heard good things about the PBS shows, I checked what was playing on that channel.

And welcome to our world, Word Girl!

It's got language and vocabulary! It's got a female a superhero! It's got bad guys and a monkey sidekick! It's got fights (that aren't too violent) and witty humor! It's a win for everyone who ~~has to~~ gets to watch it!

This week's question of the week is:

What shows are your kids watching these days? Or what shows to plan to move to when they are ready for the next level?

We've just traded our nightly routine of Dora and Diego for Super Why and Word Girl. Instead of WonderPets, we watch Animal Mechanicals (on The Hub). Rarely do we watch a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse when we could watch Sid the Science Kid.

What about in your house? Do your children become bored with the same old shows? Do they watch shows that you enjoy too? And any good recommendations for my daughter?

See How They Grow

2011-02-02T06:26:00.003-05:00

It's really amazing to me to watch these children of mine grow. Seeing the Pookie go through phases that his sister went through before him, reminds me of how far she's come. Which in turn, reminds me of how far the Pookie's come and where he still will go.

At 19 months old, the Pookie is really learning his words and how to tell us exactly what he wants. But when we don't understand or he can't have what he wants, he has a big meltdown. Just like the Pumpkin used to.

At almost 4, however, the Pumpkin starts to get SO upset when we tell her she can't have something, but then I hold up a finger and say, "Hey, hey, hey! Don't you want to hear why you can't do it?" And she stops freaking out, asks to hear why, and then usually understands the reason and is either okay with it or comes up with a compromise or something that works for us all.

Just yesterday morning, the Pumpkin said she wanted a juice box for her lunch. Fine. She's can have one cup of juice a day. I put one in her lunch bag. Then she got one out herself, and she was getting the straw out of it's plastic when I saw what she was doing. I was in the middle of washing some dishes and my hands were all soapy, so I was telling her no, but she was doing it anyway. As she put the straw to her lips, I went towards her, drippy soapy hands and all, saying, "I told you no!"

She said that she wanted a juice now. I said that we already put a juice in her lunch bag, and she was only allowed one juice a day. So she said, "Well, I just want the juice now, not for lunch." So I made sure she understood that meant she'd have water for lunch, and she said fine.

This thinking ahead, understanding limitations, working through the rules and how to get what she wants within the limitations of the rules... It's just amazing to me to watch. Instead of freaking out about wanting to watch a show in the family room, she now understands that if it's not on TV or On Demand, we have to watch it up in my room where it's recorded. Or maybe it's not recorded and she simply has to wait until it comes on later. She GETS it. She understands and doesn't freak out.

And it's really making life easier around here!

Even the Pookie is at an easier stage. He does still freak out when thwarted, but because he's able to say more and indicate more, it's much easier to get him what he is asking for, instead of him just screaming NO until we guess correctly.

The Pookie is also able to understand more complex directions. Instead of just "Give that toy to your sister," I can tell him, "That's your sister's toy, and this one is yours. Give your sister her toy, and you can play with yours." Of course, he doesn't always want to do it, but he does understand and he usually does it.

I'm just really amazed by my kids. I really enjoy watching them learn, grow, develop. I love that my daughter uses the bathroom all by herself in the early morning hours so I don't have to get out of bed. I love that my son gets his own bowl and spoon and box of cereal every morning (and randomly throughout the day, which is a little frustrating when it's almost dinner time and Londo's cooked a delicious meal, but that's a different post!). I especially love to watch them play together and work out their differences and start to understand each other on a new level.

This parenthood thing is definitely worth it.

Question of the Week - Car Games

2011-01-26T06:39:00.003-05:00

The weekend before the sickness struck down my house like the plague, the Pumpkin and I had a special weekend together with my parents.

My parents just bought a house at the beach about 2.5 hours away. That weekend was my first chance to see it since they got it in November. January in Maryland is too cold to go to the actual beach, but I wanted to see the house and spend a weekend with my girl. So the Pumpkin and I took a little road trip!

We had a great weekend together and with my parents. The house is beautiful and very comfortable. It's a 5-10 minute drive from the beach. There are three guest rooms, each with two twin beds, plus a pull-out couch in the living room. They are making it kid friendly, with a big room they are calling The Rumpus Room.

Best of all? They have agreed that it will be a peanut-free house! As soon as I brought up the issue with my mom, she quickly assured me that it would have to be a peanut-free house so that we could relax there and bring the Pumpkin without worrying constantly for her safety. What a relief!

I am planning many many MANY trips out there this spring and summer! I'm planning to go as a family, bring one or both kids myself, go by myself, and spend a lot of time with my parents, sister's family and brother's family. Plus whichever friends of our families can go. I think the only person more excited about the beach house is my parents!

But this means a lot of 2.5-3.5 hour car trips coming up. That's not too long, but just long enough to start needing some entertaining car games. My favorite car game from growing up, which I still play with Londo or even by myself, is The Alphabet Game. That's when you look out the window of the car and get each letter from A to Z. The first one to find them all wins.

The Question of the Week is:

What car games do you and your kids like to play?

My daughter is too young for the alphabet game, so I started making up some others on our way back from the beach. We looked for colors outside, calling out where we see the color (green sign!), and we looked for shapes. We also guessed the animal by the animal noise we made.

But my favorite to play with her, and I'm pretty sure he favorite also, was Name That Song! I would whistle a song, and she would call out what it was. Then she would hum one, and I would call out the name. It turns out that my girl is REALLY good at guessing the songs! We've been playing this on other car rides since then, or at other times during the day.

What about you and your family? What did you play in the car growing up? What do you play with your kids on car trips now? What games are you waiting on until they are old enough to play with you? Or do you just sing along with the radio?

Sickness and Sweetness

2011-01-25T16:06:00.000-05:00

The flu knocked me flat on my butt last week. I haven't been that sick in a long, long time. Three or four days are a feverish blur of trying to care for the kids and sleeping. Another three days of still being really sick. And now I've developed bronchitis. Good times.

Over the last week plus, each member of my family has been sick to some degree. We also spent the week and both weekends watching a six-month-old puppy for a friend and added my parent's dog for the last weekend.

In other words, things have been C-R-A-Z-Y at my house!

But amongst all the sickness, there has been some moments of overwhelming sweetness. I'm going to try to capture it all.

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Sickness
It all started with a phone call from the kids' school on Friday afternoon saying the Pookie had thrown up and needed to be picked up.

Though he seemed a little better on Saturday morning (no more throwing up), he went down early for his nap and after four hours, we started to worry. I went in to check on him, and he was burning up and his nose was running like a leaky faucet. Poor guy looked miserable! Not only that, but when I changed his diaper, his bottom was bleeding. I got really worried, and then I noticed one of his fingers was really inflamed and swollen, with a pus-filed, crusty scab on the side of his nail. Definitely time to call the doctor on call.

In addition to those things, the doctor heard my boy's wheezy breath while I was on the phone with her. It didn't take long for her to say I needed to take him to the emergency room to get his breathing and finger checked, though she wasn't worried about his bottom.

That was the first trip to the emergency room with one of our kids. Londo stayed home with the Pumpkin, while I hurried the Pookie to the ER 5 minutes down the road. There was a pediatrics wing of the ER, and we were brought almost straight back.

My boy was a real trooper! Though feverish and miserable, he didn't fuss or cry while getting checked on. Not even when they poked a needle in his infected finger to drain the pus! Not even the first time they put him in some contraption to hold him still for a chest x-ray. We actually had to redo the x-ray, and that second time he did start wailing because I took his cracker away while he was in it. (To be honest, we all kind of wanted him to cry because it gets a better x-ray when they fill up their lungs for a big cry, and we didn't want to have to redo the x-ray another time.)

Luckily, his lungs were fine (and his little ribs in the x-ray were so cute!). But he did have the beginnings of an ear infection, a severe diaper rash, and an infection on his finger called a paronychia. After another dose of medication for his fever finally brought his temperature down, a dose and prescription for antibiotics and a prescription for antifungal cream for his bottom, we were discharged. At home, I got him a quick, late dinner, and put him straight to bed.

Sunday, he was still not feeling too well, but by Monday he was fine. His school was closed for MLK Day, but he was doing much much better. Tuesday, school was closed due to the snow and ice, but he was back at school Wednesday. He had a follow-up appointment with his pediatrician Thursday, and she said everything looked really good by then!

I'm sure I don't have to say how worried I was, taking him to the ER and all those things wrong with him. It broke my heart! I held him and cuddled him the whole time at the hospital (except during the x-ray). And I'm sure I don't have to say how relieved Londo and I were when he bounced back so quickly!

Sweetness
Because Londo picked up the Pookie early from school on Friday, I picked up the Pumpkin at her normal time. She has just gotten used to the Pookie being at her school and the new drop off and pick up routines (he started the first week of January). And that day was the first time he wasn't part of the normal pick up.

When I explained to her that the Pookie had thrown up and was home with Daddy because he was sick, she got really upset. She started tearing up, and said, "I'm very worried about him! I'm crying because my brother is sick! I need to go home and check on him!" I carried her to the car, assuring her we would check on him as soon as we got home.

Sweetness
As I was grabbing a couple diapers and a cup of water to take with us to the hospital, I asked Londo if I should bring anything else? Was there any comfort item that he might want with him? And Londo responded, "Just you. You are his comfort item." And it's true.

Sickness
I was the next one to get sick. Sunday morning, I started to feel run down. By afternoon, I was feverish, with body chills, shaking, delirious, foggy, unable to stay awake or think clearly. There was also a runny nose, coughing, post-nasal drip and my body ached like I'd been hit by a truck. I was a mess.

I spent the next few days in and out of that foggy haze of a fever, most of the time sleeping under piles and piles of blankets. I barely ate, barely spent any time with the kids or dogs, no time with Londo, didn't get to all the cleaning I had to do, and certainly didn't work more than an hour or two here or there. For the whole week, I was out from work, and watching the kids and dogs fell to Londo for the majority of the time.

Finally, my fever broke on Wednesday morning. I even took the Pookie to school, though I think that caused a bit of a relapse. I got myself to the doctor on Thursday afternoon, and he said it sounded like I'd had the flu and post-nasal drip. And he said that I now had bronchitis. Which apparently doesn't go away in a day or two.

So I'm still coughing and a bit congested. I'm taking cough suppressants and cough drops. I'm back at work and crazy busy, but trying to at least be still as much as possible. It's when I move much that the hacking starts up again.

Sweetness
Sunday afternoon, while the Pookie napped, Londo brought the Pumpkin into our room. She got up on the bed with me, and we put on a show for her to watch. Londo said, "I need to go to the grocery store. You take care of Mommy while she naps, because she's sick and needs you to take care of her."

And she did. She rubbed my back, made sure I was covered and cuddled next to me while I dozed in and out of consciousness. She was very proud of being able to take care of me while I was sick.

Sickness
Next, the flu struck the Pumpkin. She started getting a little sick over the weekend, but by Monday she was getting bad. She had the same symptoms I had, and her fever got pretty bad by Wednesday or so. She stayed home the rest of the week, with Londo and me taking turns watching her.

I had the Pookie's follow-up appointment on Thursday morning, and I called Wednesday afternoon saying I wanted to bring in the Pumpkin, too. Though the Pookie was looking good, the Pumpkin was not. The pediatrician was worried about her breathing, so she gave my girl a breathing treatment right there and then listened to her chest again afterwards. The concern was that what the pediatrician was hearing was pneumonia, so it was important that she do the treatment and let the doctor listen again. Luckily, the breathing treatment cleared her right up and the doctor was able to be sure it wasn't pneumonia.

The Pumpkin did not like having to do the breathing treatment, but she is fortunately at an age where she can be reasoned with and still be distracted. We got through those long minutes by my making up a story for her about a flying horse and a dragon and a princess, one of the Princess Pumpkin stories I make up for her.

The good news (besides clear lungs for her) was that her throat looked fine AND HER EARS LOOKED FINE!!! I am sure that she would have had an ear infection from this congestion if she hadn't had the adenoid removal surgery. She got ear infections every other time she had congestion even half this bad!

The bad news was that her fever persisted. Londo called me a little while ago and said he thinks it finally broke, and I sure hope so. She's been miserable--lethargic during the day, coughing all night, fussy and clingy. She's fallen asleep almost every day of the last week, my girl who doesn't nap! She's been going to bed in our room before dinner, barely eating anything.

The doctor said the fever might last another 5-10 days from the appointment last Thursday. So even though we've been worried, we've also not been freaking out. Plus, she really does exactly the symptoms I had, just for longer. Which doesn't surprise me. My girl does everything to the extreme!

Sweetness
When the nurse first put the breathing mask on the Pumpkin's face, she was crying a bit and saying she didn't want to do it. She tried to pull it off, but the nurse and then I held it on until she could adjust to it and be distracted by my story.

Well, the Pookie watched all this, and he got really upset. He climbed up to his sister in her chair and tried to rip the mask off her face for her, kind of hollering while he grabbed at it. If he had a full vocabularly, I'm sure he would have sound like, "Get that off my sister! She doesn't like it! Don't do that to her!"

Though I had to keep him from pulling it off of her, keep holding it on her, distract her with a story and try to keep him occupied by something else, my heart melted at his protectiveness over his sister and what was upsetting her. Once she calmed down and even held the mask herself, he calmed down about it too.

Sickness
And this whole time, Londo has been struggling with sickness as well. He hasn't had it as bad as the Pumpkin or me, but he has been pretty sick and very run down. But that hasn't stopped him from taking care of me, the kids, the dogs, work, the house and goodness knows what else! I so badly want to be better and have enough energy to tell him to take a few days for just himself, doing whatever he wants. I'm just not sure I'll be able to for a while.

Sweetness
Londo had been planning a game night with some friends he works with. He had been looking forward to it for weeks. He cleaned up the basement so it's usable again (instead of a storage overflow in the living area of the basement). He scheduled a babysitter for the evening. He invited his friends. He planned out the games and the food and drinks. He said looking forward to that night was the only thing keeping him going through some of the times lately.

The game night was to be last Saturday, and we had some concerns that it would happen, what with all the sickness and dogs in the house. I'm happy to say that we pulled it off! Although the Pumpkin was still sick, I was almost myself by Saturday afternoon. I was even able to help cleaning and setting up! I also put the Pookie to bed while the babysitter put the Pumpkin to bed. And I even stayed up until 11:30 playing games, even though I was still feeling so run down and exhausted.

We had a lot of fun, and Londo felt so much better having a real night of fun with adult friends. It makes us realize that we will be able to do more and more entertaining and spending time with adults as the kids continue to get older.

And sometimes, the sweetest thing of all is feeling like you not only get through the tough times but also enjoy those times as well.

Parenting with SAD, Part 3: Conception, Miscarriage and Pregnancy

2011-01-19T08:34:00.000-05:00

Once Londo and I were ready to start a family, I really had to think in depth about my disorder and how it would affect my parenting and my kids. I still wasn’t able to find much about how SAD affects parenting, but I did research into recurring depression. Turns out, women who suffer from depression are at a higher risk for postpartum depression (PPD). Londo and I thought it would be better if we had a baby in the late spring or summer for the PPD reason, and also because I was worried about having the energy every fall or winter to plan and deal with birthday parties.

Unfortunately, we had fertility issues, and at a certain point with those issues you have to give up trying to time an ideal birthday and simply do whatever you can to get pregnant. It was really hard to give that up. Adding to the heartbreak of infertility, we had to come to terms with the fact that if we did get pregnant, we might have a baby at a really rough time for us, making things extra hard. But though it was difficult, we did our best to make peace with it and began fertility treatments.

When we finally did get pregnant, we found out in December and the due date was September 3rd, so we started to mentally prepare ourselves for a very tough winter the following year with a newborn. Unfortunately, that baby was not meant to be, and the tough winter was right then.

It’s an understatement to say that dealing with a miscarriage in January was difficult and emotionally rough. A miscarriage in and of itself is (or can be) devastating, especially after trying for so long already. Add to that the chemical issues that normally have me exhausted and depressed, and well, it wasn’t pretty. It was not a hard decision for us to decide to take a cruise in early March down in the Caribbean, both to ease the pain of the lost baby and to get me more sunlight.

My next pregnancy, the one that resulted in my awesome and beautiful Pumpkin girl, started in June. I thought this would be a good thing, but the exhaustion of the first trimester is very much like the exhaustion I feel in winters. So instead of having half a year or so of energy, I had almost a full year of close to overwhelming exhaustion. I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t have easy pregnancies anyway, but I definitely found it rough that entire 41.5 weeks.

Surprisingly, my third trimester in January and February was not as bad as we thought it would be. I made sure I had enough time to do my light therapy, Londo saw to my comforts and my dad drove me to and from work (which was close to his office at the time). My work was incredibly busy and stressful, but I was able to work from home 2-3 days a week, and full time in the 2 weeks prior to my due date and until I went into labor. I was disappointed that I didn’t have the energy and time to do all the nesting that my instincts were screaming for, but we got enough done to be ready for a new baby.

The Pumpkin’s due date was early March. I was concerned about my lack of energy becoming an issue during labor and delivery, so we lined up a duola. Although I knew Londo would be an excellent couch, I figured a duola could provide additional help and might have ways to help me through rough patches. I believe that it really did help having the duola there, even though I ended up with a C-section. And I feel very confident that the C-section had nothing to do with the Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Overall, that pregnancy was manageable, though difficult.

But being pregnant while having a toddler during the winter? That was the hardest time period in my life.

The Pumpkin has always been a spirited, active little girl who needs a lot of attention and interaction. In the winters, I become more introverted, needing to decrease my interactions with others and needing to have a certain amount of time to myself. In addition, I need time to do my light therapy, which again is too strong of a light to have in front of the little, developing eyes of toddlers and I have to sit still in front of instead of running around after a kiddo.

In winters prior to having kids, Londo had not only helped take care of some of my basic needs, but he also took over pretty much all of the pets’ care and the majority of the household chores. After having the Pumpkin, Londo had to also take over the majority of her care as well. On top of all that, I was having a rough pregnancy and becoming more and more depressed, even though I was doing lots of light therapy and had even started medication.

Depression during pregnancy was no fun. When I started losing weight in my second trimester, was barely making it into work, and was resenting the time I spent in front of my light instead of with my toddler who was having fun with her daddy, I knew it was time to make a change. I talked with my doctor and decided to up my medication dosage, and I made some additional changes to help me and Londo get through that winter. It was hard to admit that my depression was out of my control and that I needed more help. But at a certain point, I just had to bite the bullet and admit I couldn't manage on my own, especially when the health and well-being of my toddler and the baby in my belly was at risk.

But thanks to help from family, special considerations from work, and upped medication and light therapy, we made it through that winter! The Pookie was born healthy and happy (though again through a C-section after a failed attempt at a VBAC) in June.

Perhaps other people with Seasonal Affective Disorder have had easier pregnancies. Perhaps they were able to conceive with no problems, deliver at an ideal time, don't have miscarriages in the depths of winter. Perhaps the glow of pregnancy kept them warm and happy all winter long, the crazy pregnancy hormones providing energy and happiness through the short days and long nights. I hope that is the case for others, but it simply was not the case for me.

So yes, trying to conceive, the miscarriage and the pregnancies were tough for me. But the biggest upside to this condition is that I (and my family and friends) know that things will get better in the spring. Of course, the biggest downside is that I (we) have to deal with it every fall through winter. Those of us with SAD have to continue on with our lives and manage the disorder through the tough times. We can't stop planning our futures, our families, our lives because half of the year is a tough time for us. It's just about figuring how to get through the tough times, managing our health, and forging ahead, knowing that things will get easier over time.

And isn't that the case with just about everything difficult in life?

Fun Family Shorts

2011-01-06T06:47:00.000-05:00

Now that 2010 has closed, I thought I would write some snippets about what fun we've been having together as a family of four over the last year, especially recently. My daughter is 3.75 years old, and my son is 18 months old. Londo and I are really enjoying these ages--despite the frustrations of Three and the whining of 18 Months. We are a fun, silly family and that's what's making life so good right now.

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The other day, the Pumpkin told me that she and her brother were having pretend names. The Pookie was "Midnight," and she was "Kookie." She asked what my name was going to be, and then named me "Boopie." Unfortunately, when she said it, it sounded either like boobie or poopie, so I told her I wanted to be "Strawberry."

Then she asked Londo what his pretend name was. He said, "You may call me... Tim." I got a good chuckle out of that.

And then the game began. "Tim" sat on the couch, and any time one of us would get close, he would grab us and hold us. We would call for the others to come save us. It was so funny to hear my daughter call out, "Strawberry, we've got to save Midnight!" And save him we did.

And this game? We pretty much play many variations of it all the time.

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We were down at my inlaws for Christmas. We had a great time, and got to spend a lot of time with each other and my husband's family.

One day as we were all playing in the game room, the Pumpkin said we were going to go to a bird show. So we gave tickets and pretended to learn about and feed the birds. Then for some reason, Londo said he was a penguin. So he started walking around in a penguin waddle with his arms down at his side but his hands sticking out. If you've seen the Diego where he shows how to waddle like a penguin, you know what I'm talking about.

So then, the Pumpkin started waddling like a penguin, and they were both waddling around saying "waddle, waddle, waddle" and pretending to eat fish and giving penguin hugs.

Of course I jumped into the new game, and started waddling. The Pookie had been watching and laughing, but he is always quick to join in, too. So he did his best to imitate the waddling, and we all walked around in circles as a penguin family. It was really cute.

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When I was a kid, my family used to play a game we called "Stack 'Em Up." My dad would lie on the ground and call out "stack 'em up!" My brother, the oldest kid, would lie down on my dad. Then my sister, the middle child, would lie down on my brother. And then I, the youngest, would climb on and lie down on the top. My mom would watch (and I now suspect she also tried to make sure no one got hurt) and laugh. We'd all laugh. Though simple, it was a really fun game.

So of course I've started the same game at my house! Before the Pookie could play, Londo would lie down, I would lie on him and the Pumpkin would climb on top of me. Now, either Londo or I lie down, then the Pumpkin and then the Pookie climbs on top (while the other parent makes sure the Pookie doesn't fall). I can foresee the time when the Pookie is able that we will all be part of the stack!

We've got variations, too. Although it's supposed to go from largest on the bottom to smallest on the top for obvious reasons, occasionally we mix it up a bit, being very careful of smaller people below us. Also sometimes just the Pumpkin and the Pookie will play, and that's really cute.

I recently told my siblings and parents that we've carried on the tradition of playing this game, and my SIL said that my brother's family plays a similar game but they call it making a sandwich!

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One of the games the Pumpkin got for Christmas is called Elefun. It's this toy elephant with a very long tube of a nose. You put "butterflies" in the elephant, turn it on and it blows them out the nose. You use nets to catch the butterflies as they are shot out the nose, which is taller than me (but I am short)!

So the other morning, the Pumpkin wanted to play for the first time while the Pookie was around. I thought it was safe enough, so I got it out, handed both kids a net, and started it up. As we were laughing and cheering for each other, Londo joined in too!

I was so excited and happy to have the whole family play what is basically a game in the board game category! I have always wanted to have a Family Game Night once a week or every other week. We are close to being able to have that now, and that makes me happy.

A family that plays together, stays together, right?

Question of the Week - Something New

2011-01-04T16:26:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone had a wonderful New Year and New Year's Eve. Londo was not feeling well New Year's Eve, so I took the kids up to my sister's by myself, and we celebrated the Parisian New Year with her, my BIL and their kids. Why the Parisian New Year? Because it was 6:00 our time, so the kids were up and just starting dinner and we all got to say happy new year together! My almost-4-year-old daughter and almost-5-year-old niece had sparkling cider and the adults had champange. It was fun, especially since this was the first year my daughter had a clue as to what was going on. And we have fun hanging out with my sis and her family.

I'm working on some New Year's Resolutions, but I'm not ready to really write them down yet. Except for one: This year, I will do something I've always wanted to do but haven't yet done.

In fact, I think that every year I'm going to do one thing I've always wanted to, whether it's read a book or see a movie I've meant to read/see for years or go someplace I've never been before or do something I've never done before.

This week's Question of the Week is:

What is something that you've always wanted to do but haven't done yet?

Feel free to pick something you want to do this year, too!

I actually haven't completely decided yet. Maybe I'll do all of the things on my list, or maybe I'll just say I'll do one of the following:

- Go camping with my hubby and kids. (I've been with Londo before, but that was prior to kids, which will add a whole other dimension.)
- Read Jane Eyre. (I have seriously been meaning to read this book since high school. I can't believe I STILL haven't read it.)
- See the movie Sliding Doors. (I often think about the concept of this movie, yet never have actually seen the movie and have been meaning to since it came out in the theaters.)
- Get my PMP certification. (It's a project management certification for work. I've been talking about getting it for years, and now that I'm out of the baby-fog, I feel I really can get it done.)

What about you? Do you have things you've always wanted to do but never done? Any big adventures you want to plan? Any books covered with dust that you are dying to read? Do you think you'll do something this year that you've always wanted to do?

Parenting with SAD, Part 2: Treatment

2010-12-30T11:28:00.002-05:00

Last week, I was late to the holiday party at my son’s daycare because I had to sit in front of a special therapy light before heading to the party. I debated skipping the afternoon session of light therapy so I could make it to the beginning of the party, but I had missed my afternoon session the day before and barely made it through the evening, falling asleep while putting my daughter to bed at 8:00. It’s better for my kids (as well as myself and my husband) if I am late to the party instead of missing a session of light.

Treatment for my Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) that will truly work for me within the constraints of my life is critical to my health, my children’s well-being and Londo’s sanity. It has taken me years to figure out what the right treatment is for me, and unfortunately the constraints of my life seem to change every year since having kids. At least every year I learn something from the year prior, and each year I’m getting better and better at staying on top of my treatments.

Before I had children, I started doing light therapy sessions once I realized I had SAD. I bought a couple of special therapy lights, which are bright lights that mimic the sunlight minus the harmful (and tanning) UV rays. Light therapy sessions involve sitting in front of the light at a certain distance with eyes open so as to “receive” the light through the eyes, the only truly proven way that the light therapy works. So I don’t get a nice tan, I can’t just sleep through the light therapy session, and I can’t move around because I have to stay that certain distance. It’s bright, which makes it hard for me to do certain thing like watch TV and makes it very obvious to anyone nearby that it’s not a normal light. The amount of light therapy I need increases the later into the winter it gets. Also, since the light helps reset the body’s circadian rhythm/internal wake-sleep clock, people with SAD are supposed to do the light first thing in the morning, and certain people (me included) also need a shorter session in the afternoon for a late-day boost.

When it’s late winter, I need the most light therapy, which would end up being almost 2 hours in the morning and another hour in the afternoon. That is 3 hours a day sitting in front of this bright light. That was manageable before kids and when I had an office with a door I could shut at work.

But now? I don’t have 3 hours to spend sitting around, except when I’m at work—but I sit in a cubicle now and am not going to have a light bright enough to land airplanes shining in my eyes while people are walking around me. I am not going to wake up at 4:00 in the morning to make sure I get 2 hours of light therapy in before my toddler wakes up—I don’t get enough sleep as it is!

And even with 3 hours of light therapy a day, I would just barely get by. I was still exhausted all the time, and only slightly depressed, which at least was an improvement to being so depressed that I couldn’t get off the couch to take basic care of myself. The 3 hours of light therapy and a dawn simulator (my alarm clock that starts to light up gradually 30 minutes prior to the alarm going off) was just enough to get me out of bed, to work, and back home. Once home, maybe I’d eat a dinner and watch TV with Londo, or maybe I’d curl up on the couch and stare off into space until Londo made me eat something and go to bed. (I could go on about how bad it would get, but I don’t think I need to. If you’ve ever been depressed or if you remember the exhaustion you felt in the first trimester of pregnancy, you’ve got an idea of what I would go through.) Though the light therapy kept me from being unable to function, it just hasn’t been enough for me to truly feel like myself all year round.

Thank goodness for medication!

Going on Zoloft in the winters, combined with (shorter amounts of) light therapy, has made such a huge difference in my life. It was a hard decision for me to make, but once I did I wondered why I ever hesitated! What made me decide to try the medication was knowing I was going to be pregnant during the winter, and time for and effect from the light therapy was just not going to cut it.

This winter is my third on medication, and I can’t tell you what a difference it has made! I am able to care for myself, my children, my house, my husband, my pets without feeling overwhelmed or exhausted. I have good days and bad, good weeks and bad--but who doesn’t? Granted my bad weeks really suck, but that usually means that I’ve not kept on top of the medication or my light or or my vitamins (multivitamin, vitamin D supplements and fish oil) or getting enough sleep, all of which I have to be very cognizant of upping dose or time as needed.

I’ll be honest, I wish I didn’t have to spend any time in front of the therapy light. But I tried going with just medication as treatment this fall, and that did not work out so well. At least with the medication, I don’t have to spend as much time in front of my light.

And that’s the toughest part about treating SAD as a parent. The time it takes. My kids are still to young to be right in front of the light (this is my opinion, as I’ve not found any age-specific recommendations for safety), and if they are in the same room as me, they often want to see what I’m doing or I need to get up to figure out what they are into. It’s not the relaxing time I need to settle down in front of my light. And the time I spend in front of my light takes away from my time with the kids, either playing with them or getting them ready for pre-school/daycare, or it takes time away from sleep, of which I need more in the winter than in the summer with a minimum average of 8 hours a night. Making sure I get that sleep and the time for my light therapy in the morning takes away spending time with Londo in the evenings or having time to myself or watching TV shows or reading or blogging. Or it means that Londo has to take more night-shift duty with the kids, which gets hard on him.

SAD seems like it’s easy to treat: medication, light therapy, dawn simulator alarm, vitamins and supplements, getting enough sleep or whichever combination of these that works for a person. And exercising and eating right would totally help! But it really is a struggle and a trade-off for each treatment, especially with young kids in the house. There are side effects of medication. The light therapy takes time away from other things. The dawn simulator might wake my daughter who comes into bed with us every night, so I haven’t been using it. Missing dosages of vitamins or supplements causes immediate reactions. Getting enough good-quality sleep is something I dream of when I’m trying to sleep (see previous sentence about daughter in bed, plus night-wakings with toddler during teething episodes like last night).

Fortunately, I know that the trade-offs are worth it considering what going without treatment does to me. And as I said earlier, each year I’m able to learn more about how to stay on top of my treatments and how to better incorporate what I need to get through the winter within the constraints of my life with young children. I have high hopes that each year will continue to get better.

Question of the Week - Do You Believe in Magic

2010-12-29T16:28:00.000-05:00

This is the first year that the Pumpkin really has any idea who Santa is. I wasn't sure I would play along with the whole Santa thing, but it just kind of happened.

The first year we had the Pumpkin, I had this big conversation with Londo about how I didn't think I'd want to do the "Santa thing." I felt like it was actively lying to our children to pretend that Santa really came to our house, left presents and ate cookies. Londo pointed out that it was a tradition in both our families and that he wanted to have presents from Santa for our kids.

At the time, the Pumpkin was still little, and I figured she'd never know. So I let it go, and we had presents from Santa. I justified it and the books about Santa in my mind as just stories, the way Frosty the Snowman is a story. It was just a passive omission that those characters weren't real.

But this year... Well, this year she knew who Santa was. This year was the deciding year for whether or not we played along with what I've decided to call "The Santa Game." And this year, as happens with many things in our lives, Londo and I flipped positions. Maybe we didn't change positions--it could be that I didn't fully understand his position, but I definitely flipped mine.

I knew that the bike she was getting and the ride-on excavator that the Pookie was getting were the Santa gifts--the big presents of the year that we write from Santa, as my parents did for me and my siblings into our adulthood. And I don't know, I just decided to go for it. Not realizing fully where Londo stood on the issue, I started talking to the Pumpkin about Santa and asking what she wanted him to bring her. We saw lots of Santa stories on her shows (she especially loved the Dora Christmas special, of course). I also started saying that we'd set out stocking and such for Santa.

In talking with the almost 4 year old, I made that step from passive omission to active deception. Apparently Londo was of the mindset this year that he didn't mind giving presents from Santa, but he didn't feel right about actively lying to the kids.

Whoops.

(The bigger issue that Londo has with the whole being good for Santa is the same one I do, which is we don't want to use Santa as a bribe/threat to get the kids to be good or they don't get their presents. First of all, it'd be an empty threat from us, because we are going to give them the gifts. Second, that's not the way we discipline, so it wouldn't be comfortable for us. Even before he said that to me, I'd already been careful about not making The Santa Game about bribes or threats. Instead, we've been talking about the importance of being nice and good to each other, especially around the holidays when people are doing nice things for us like getting us presents, baking with us and spending time with us.)

But the damage was done. I had started the ball rolling, and it wasn't going to stop. So Christmas Eve, the Pumpkin and I set out cookies and apple juice (cause he gets milk everywhere else) for Santa and an apple and bowl of water (her idea!) for the reindeer. We set out stockings and we talked about Santa coming that night. She was excited, and I have to admit how much joy I got out of doing those things. Those are the games of childhood, putting out treats for pretend people and animals, thinking about Santa coming with a big bag of gifts for all the kids, getting excited about stocking stuffers and big presents. And being the one to eat the cookies and set out a bike with a bow on it "from Santa"? It was neat to be the adult on that side of the ritual as well.

And so, here we are. We are doing The Santa Game at least on some level. We won't be super careful about hiding it from her, because Londo wants her to be able to figure it out and not feel like we tricked her. And her face and the Pookie's face when they saw the big presents from Santa and got to open their stockings and when she saw the cookies were gone and the apple had bites out of it? It was awesome!

So this week's Question of the Week is:

In what ways have you incorporated magic into your kids' lives?

Londo and I have yet to talk about The Tooth Fairy. Right now, she's just starting to understand pretend versus real, and I did agree with her when she said that Tinkerbell and fairies are pretend and I did tell her that ghosts aren't real. But I didn't enlighten her to the reality about mermaids, though, even when there was an opportunity. If she asks, I don't think I'll lie. But she didn't ask.

What about you? Do you have a Binky Fairy (I know @Cloud does!)? Do you do Santa? Any ghosts or goblins around for Halloween? Will there be leprechauns for St. Patrick's Day? Unicorns or wizards? What kind of magic exists in your house?

Parenting with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), Part 1: Valid Concerns

2010-12-23T10:30:00.001-05:00

Two days ago was the winter solstice: the day of the year with the shortest amount of daylight in the northern hemisphere. That’s a problem for me, because I have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Sunlight increases the production of serotonin (a happy brain endorphin) and decreases the production of melatonin (the brain chemical that makes you sleepy). The lack of sunlight in the winter causes me to go from tired to exhausted to depressed to severely depressed.

I’ll never forget when I first figured out that I had SAD 8 years ago. It was such a relief to finally know why I had recurring depression and to understand the cause of it! Not everyone who suffers with depression gets a definitive reason for it and the ability to give a scientific explanation about chemical reactions of the body to an outside source. I had those, and I was also able to look back on my life and put pieces in place that did not previously make sense. To think back to difficulties in my childhood and disparities between my personality and behavior in the winter versus summer and be able to understand what was going on in my life! Oh, it was priceless.

But as cathartic as it was to figure it out and make sense of things in my past, it was also a daunting diagnosis when thinking about the future. This is a recurring condition. I was going to go through the exhaustion/depression every. single. winter. It would affect my life every year. It wouldn’t just go away if I thought positively or exercised or drank more coffee. I would have to figure out treatments and follow through every fall through spring.

Even back then, I started to think ahead to life as a parent. It was a natural extension of my previous concern: How was I going to raise children when I would occasionally get depressed for no reason I could understand? Now that I understood the whens and whys of my depression and exhaustion, my concern about raising kids as a mother with recurring depression was still a valid concern. And back then, I didn’t even take into account how the SAD would affect my pregnancies and postpartum time.

When I first started looking into information about SAD, the treatments and any helpful advice about living with the disorder, I didn’t find much relating to being a parent with this disorder. In fact, the only thing I remember finding was that the therapy light was too bright for developing eyes, so infants and young children should not be around it. (I have since learned that young children are okay around it, so long as they aren’t staring at it.) I wasn’t too worried at the time, because we hadn’t even started on our long journey of trying to conceive.

But I had heard stories from people who had a parent who suffered with depression. I heard about mothers locking themselves in bathrooms to cry, meanwhile the kids think they did something to make their mom sad. Or of fathers who basically disappeared somewhere in the house in a dark room and didn’t interact or respond to their kids, who didn’t understand what was wrong with their dad. Most of all, I heard about how the depressed parent wouldn’t name what was wrong or talk about it, making the kids think that it was some big, dark, shameful secret.

Depression shouldn’t be a dark, shameful secret. It’s hard enough to deal with as it is, especially when it’s so hard to reach out for help while you are depressed. Depression should be understood as a medical condition that limits what a person can do. Depression should be treated and talked about and supported as a family, the way diabetes or some other medical disorder would be.

Even before I had kids, I was determined to be open about my SAD with my family and close friends, and definitely with my future kids. But how to do that? What is age appropriate to tell them? How will I find time for my light therapy with young children? How will I deal with the winter while the sleep deprivation that infants and young children bring? I had so many questions, and I still do, but no one to ask.

Every year since I was first pregnant, I’ve googled combinations of SAD and parenting to see if I could read anyone else’s experiences and/or tips. I haven’t really found any that go into the information I wanted or the depth I wanted. So after 4 winters as a parent, I’ve decided to write my own experiences. I apparently have a lot to write, so I’m going to do it in parts, including discussing the treatments that work for me as a parent, what it was like to go through pregnancy and the postpartum period, what it’s been like parenting young children through the winter, and my goals for the future as the kids get older.

Maybe these posts will help someone out there struggling with SAD as a parent. Maybe it will help my friends and family who don’t know what I go through understand what the winters are like in caramama’s casa. Definitely writing these posts will help me, since writing about things and putting it “out there” tends to be cathartic for me. And since it’s winter now, I am going to do all I can to help myself, which in turn helps my parenting and my kids.

Question of the Week - Holiday Moments

2010-12-21T11:27:00.003-05:00

Two weekends ago, we pulled out the Christmas/holiday decorations. With the Pumpkin close to 4 years old and the Pookie 18 months, Londo and I were really excited to decorate with the kids this year. These are the ages where they can actually help and enjoy the decorating and be excited by all the of the neat decorations we have.

In fact, this year has been really special with the Pumpkin. She is learning Christmas songs, which is bringing the joy of Christmas music back to Londo (who spent too many winters in retail at a mall). She knows about Santa and Rudolph and Frosty. She knows about the menorah I set out to recognize Jesus's religion. And she was/is super excited about the lights and tree.

So this year, when I pulled out the boxes that contain the Christmas ornaments, my daughter had such a look of anticipation. As we pulled out the ornaments and set them out to decide which to put where, my daughter was delighted by each discovery. As she helped me hang the ornaments on just the right branches, my daughter felt a part of Christmas traditions.

I thought back to the Christmases of my past, when my mom would pull out the special boxes of ornaments. I remembered how excited I would be to see all the ornaments: the delicate ones, the handmade ones, the sentimental ones, the silly ones. I thought about the ritual of pulling out the boxes, opening them and ohhhing and ahhhing over each item with my mom and sister and brother and dad.

Those moments. Those are the treasures of the holidays. The ornaments and the navity scene and the advent calendar and the holiday cookies and candies--they are made special not just because of the holiday, but because they are put out only once a year with loving hands and ritualized behavoir.

Those are the moments that my daughter will start remembering from this age on. Those are the moments that my son is able to start participating in from this age on. Those are the moments I look forward to sharing with my family, just as I remember fondly from when I was growing up.

This week's Question of the Week is:
What holiday moments do you remember fondly and/or enjoy sharing with your kids?

I have spent years looking for a nativity scene that reminds me of my mom's, and this year I found one that was similar, looks generally safe for kid use and was on a fantastic sale! I am looking forward to setting that up with my kids and spending time playing with it, as I did with my mom's set when I was young.

What about you? What moments make the holidays special for you and your family? What are your kids able to participate in and enjoy now? Any special memories you want to share?

Clumsy Toddling

2010-12-08T20:02:00.000-05:00

A few months ago, the Pookie walked up to Londo with his little toddling steps, looked at him, roared like a lion and then... fell down. This is pretty typical for my little boy.

For months now, my son has really loved walking around everywhere. He loves to climb and run and do that arms-thrown-up-legs-going-from-bent-to-strait-not-really-jumping jump and try to keep up with his sister. He didn't start crawling or walking as early as his sister did, but he's definitely within the range of normal. And once he did start moving, he didn't want to stop.

The problem is, well, he is clumsy. It's also probably in the range of normal for a toddler, but Londo and I just aren't sure. In addition to being early with her gross motor skills, the Pumpkin also had natural balance and, I don't know, the opposite of being clumsy. And when she did fall, she would just laugh, get back up and keep going. She rarely actually got hurt, and we think she must have naturally braced herself with her hands and moved her body to absorb the falls better. Or something.

The Pookie, well he is a different person than his sister. He will be running or even walking and then fall down. Even when there is nothing to trip over or cause him to fall down that we can see. And he inevitably ends up with a cut or bruise, usually on his face. Right now, he has a big bruise between his eyes from sliding off the rocking glider and a cut on top of that bruise from falling somewhere else. Even though he was on his stomach on the glider and I thought he would be perfectly fine, he slid right off and banged his face on the wooden legs. And started crying his little heart out. The next day, he fell on something else and that black and blue bruise split into a cut.

It kills us when we are right. there. with him! Watching him, trying to ensure he is safe. And then... BAM! He's down, face first, crying and bleeding. I don't know if most toddlers are this clumsy. I don't know if this is a normal part of the learning curve. I don't know if it's something he'll grow out of or if he'll always be a little clumsy.

Luckily, he is getting better and better controlling his body. He's really stable now when he walks, he's getting much better at climbing, and he's tripping over less things. He still falls a bit and gets bruises and cuts (see earlier incident from glider and who-knows-what-else). But we are getting better and better and being okay with it. It's just part of who he is.

Sometimes, it's even funny. Like when we watch both kids run across the room. The Pumpkin takes off fast... the Pookie takes off right behind her... the Pumpkin makes it halfway across the room... the Pookie goes down with a THUMP! Londo and I just shake our heads and chuckle. I mean, what can you do? We keep looking at each other saying, at least he's adorable. Even with the bumps and bruises.

Question of the Week - Childhood Cartoons

2010-12-06T20:07:00.003-05:00

It's amazing how much better one feels when one is on the correct dosage of medicine (and light therapy), plus a weekend of sleep and rest. I was having a tough week, but I'm doing better now. Hopefully I can get back into the bloggy swing of things.

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People on Facebook have been changing their profile pics to cartoon characters from when they were kids. I'm not going to get into urban legends about why this trend started or what changing your profile picture will do or won't do. I personally just thought it was a fun way to remember the cartoons from our childhoods. I especially enjoyed seeing who picked which cartoon. (I'm not alone in my love of Jem!)

Man, I loved cartoons when I was a kid. I was really into the action cartoons, although I also loved me some girlie girl cartoons as well. I wished that everyone had changed their profile pic, because there weren't nearly enough of my favorites represented. So I though this week's Question of the Week should be:

What were some of your favorite cartoons when you were a kid?

My absolute favorite was probably Voltron. In fact, I had changed my profile pic to be Princess Allura. A princess wearing pink and kicking butt with the boys? She was awesome. Along those lines, I also LOVED She-Ra, Jem, and Wonder Woman from Super Friends. I was also a big fan of G.I. Joe (Scarlet, Duke and Snake Eyes were my favs), Spiderman and Friends, Batman, He-Man and Thundercats. In the more tame areas, I liked Shirt Tails, The Warner Brothers (with Yakko, Wakko and Dot), Tail Spin and Smurfs (who didn't like the Smurfs?).

I told you I watched and liked a lot of cartoons! I have more, but I'm going to leave it off there.

What about you? What did you wake up for on Saturday mornings? What did you hurry home for after school? Did you go for the adventurous or the humorous cartoons?

Holidays Are Really Becoming Enjoyable

2010-12-01T14:19:00.003-05:00

Before I start my blathering about Thanksgiving, I want to send out a congratulations to Jac. on her new baby girl! Welcome to the world, little one!

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As I said previously, Thanksgiving was lovely. Truly, it was.

The Pumpkin was fully recovered from her surgery, and spent her Wednesday off from school at my mom’s “helping” her cook and decorate. When I called my mom in the afternoon and asked if the Pumpkin was truly helping or hindering, she laughed and said, “Both!” I know how that goes, and in fact I got to experience it once again on Thanksgiving when we baked together.

Because of my love of and skill for baking, I bring a pie for family holidays. Londo makes the best mashed potatoes and mashed sweet potatoes I’ve ever had (except possibly tied with his mom’s mashed potatoes), so I ~~insist~~ encourage him to make that for our holidays. I let Londo have the kitchen first, and it worked out that the Pookie needed an early nap so I was able to bake with the Pumpkin while he napped and Londo was done ~~hogging~~ using the kitchen.

The Pumpkin is getting better and better about waiting to “help” until I’ve got things set up and waiting for my instructions before touching things. Generally. What we got into an “argument” about was that she kept trying to eat the pie dough before I had rolled it. I told her she could have some of what was left after I rolled the crusts so we would be sure to have enough for the pie, but she kept sneaking pieces. Not so sneakily. I got frustrated enough that I got her down from the chair she was standing on and told her she couldn’t help anymore. After that, she listened. Mostly.

I tried a new recipe for the pie filling, which is very similar to the way I usually make my apple pies. It was delicious! And overall, it was enjoyable to bake with my little girl. It was really nice to be able to announce to the extended family that the Pumpkin and I made the pie together!

We went to my parents’ house for the family gathering and dinner. I am so fortunate that my sister and brother and their families live right around us, as do members of my extended family. Holidays and gatherings at my parents’ house is full of family, friends, great food, good conversations and lots of love and laughter.

For the last few years, though, there has been an added element to our holidays. Make that elementS plural. The Young Kids. First my sister’s daughter, who turns 5 (FIVE!) in February, then my brother’s twins who turn 5 (FIVE!) in May, then my daughter (four in March), my son (18 months in December) and my sister’s son (1 last September). Plus my brother’s oldest, who will be SIXTEEN in December!!!

The Young Kids bring with them chaos, more laughter, yelling, crying, more love, clinginess, playfulness, toys, cuteness, and did I mention the chaos?

But this year… this year… the chaos wasn’t as chaotic? The yelling wasn’t as loud? My daughter is capable of playing on her own more, and my ~~baby~~ toddler is not as clingy to me. The cousins and my daughter are fine going off to play or hanging out in the family room with toys or sitting around the appetizers on counter stools. My sister’s son actually took a nap during the commotion in the kids room upstairs. And my son? He spent the whole time happily toddling around, mostly pushing cars in the doll stroller, going around and around the circuit of my parent’s main floor. Only twice did I “lose” him, and only once was he into something he shouldn’t have been.

When Londo realized I was looking for him (for a second time), he joined in the search and found him coming up the stairs from the basement. Um, whoops. We didn’t know he could go DOWN stairs! We still think he shouldn’t be doing that alone. And from now on I’ll watch him more carefully when he’s near the stairs at my parent’s house. Probably. (Londo, if you are reading this, I totally will! I only put probably for comedic effect!) (If you aren’t Londo, than I really did mean probably. But don’t tell him that. Heh.)

There was some yelling and I did have to search out my nieces at one point and herd them back into the kitchen/family room area. And there certainly was commotion. But it was the wonderful kind of commotion that you (or at least I) expect and even want from a family gathering.

For the actual dinner, we set up the pre-schoolers at the kitchen table, calling it The Kids’ Table, while we adults went into the dinning room for dinner (with my toddler with us in a high chair—my sister’s boy was still napping). I have such fond memories of the kids’ table at the family gatherings at my grandmother’s house, that I was excited for my kids to start that tradition. My sister, BIL, brother and SIL were an easy sell. Although it didn’t last too long, it was a great first attempt at having a separate kids’ table. I can’t wait until we can set the toddlers up at the kids table with the pre-schoolers. I think they will have so much fun.

It’s just amazing to watch my kids and my siblings’ kids grow up and become more and more capable and more interesting. From my daughter running into the family room when we first arrived yelling “Hello, everybody!” to my nieces playing on their own to my son and sister’s son following after their older boy cousin to the kids eating at The Kids’ Table.

It was a lovely Thanksgiving.

Question of the Week - First Movies

2010-11-30T11:07:00.002-05:00

I hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving. We certainly did. We (okay, I) also packed it full of Things To Do, which included a number of firsts for the kids. The Pumpkin's first? Seeing a movie in a theater!

Londo and I agreed that the Pumpkin was now old enough to probably sit through a movie in the theater and handle the experience. So the Pumpkin and I joined my sister and brother and their 4 year olds (and my brother's teen!) in seeing the movie Tangled!

The Pumpkin is in this phase where all sorts of things "scare" her, even things that aren't really scary. Knowing the Disney formula, I warned her on the way to the theater that there would be scary parts, but it would also be funny and adventurous. I reminded her about how a part that seemed scary in the Tinkerbell movie we watched recently wasn't really scary (spoiler alert: the cat just wanted to play, not to hurt the fairies). We talked about that a little, and I also told her that if she wanted to leave the theater because it was scary or any other reason, we could do that. At any time, we could take a break from the movie or just go home, if she wanted.

The minute we sat down and the previews and commercials (URG!) started, she was enthralled! The screen was so big, the sound was surrounding, the popcorn was delicious! She got right into the theater experience.

The movie itself was really good. Kids and adults laughed so much, and we all really enjoyed the adventure. There were certainly a few scary parts, and when a few scary things happened in a row, the Pumpkin told me that she wanted to take a break from the movie. She had already moved to my lap during an earlier scary part, and I had offered her a break just a minute before she said that she needed one.

No problem. I carried her just outside the theater and held her and talked about what was scary, why it was scary, what was really happening that we couldn't see yet, and what was going to happen. I even asked if she wanted to hear how it ended, and told her when she said yes. I explained that we had to get through the scary parts to see the happy ending (it's a Disney movie, so that's not a spoiler).

Once she'd calmed down (and I heard the movie settling down to a calmer part), she was ready to go back in. She finished the movie and really seemed to enjoy it. I know I did.

To be honest, this was actually our best case scenario. I'm very proud of my girl for sitting through the whole movie, remembering the movie theater etiquette, taking a break when she needed it, going back in after she calmed down, and enjoying the movie as a whole. I was ready for all sorts of other outcomes, and I'm really thrilled that we only left the theater once, and then went back in!

This week's question of the week is:

What movie was your kid's first in the theater? Or what was your first?

I'm not sure if it was my first movie in a theater, but the first one I remember going to see was Mary Poppins. My mom and aunt took me, my sister, my brother and my two cousins to see it. I loved it so much, my mom asked me at the end if I wanted to see it again. I totally did! My mom stayed with me through the next showing--this was back when they would let you just stay through it again if you asked nicely. It's still one of my favorite movies, and I just watched the first 30 minutes with my daughter at home this past weekend.

What about you and your kids? Have they seen a movie in the theater yet? Which movie? How did it go? Do you remember your first movie theater experience? Are you planning on seeing any soon?

Question of the Week - Thanksgiving Dishes

2010-11-24T13:11:00.004-05:00

Well, people, things have been busy round here. Very busy. The Pumpkin is recovering from her surgery and doing better now. The Pookie is in a clingy-and-only-mama-will-do phase (is it a phase if it's all the time since birth?). Work is crazy busy. Thanksgiving is tomorrow. And I'd like to spend a little time with my husband. Unfortunatly, that means that the 3 posts I'm in the middle of writing, including the one about the Pumpkin's surgery, are simply not getting finished.

Even though I don't have a chance to finish those, I at least want to hear from my bloggy friends! Considering tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the US, this week's question of the week is:

What is your favorite dish at Thanksgiving/family holiday dinners?

Since I know not everyone is in the US and celebrating Thanksgiving, I thought I'd make the question more general. Feel free to answer about any holiday you'd like, or multiple holidays.

My favorite dishes are the pies. Of course. I have a crazy sweet tooth, and I especially love pies and pastries. I make a delicious apple pie and pecan pie, and I'll be making the apple pie for Thanksgiving and likely for Christmas too. I've stopped making the pecan pie because of the concern of pecans having cross-contamination with peanuts, but at least I can enjoy eating them when others make them!

I also love the cranberry relish my mom makes for every holiday dinner, which I also make some years especially for the holidays we have at my inlaws, since they'd never had it before but really enjoy it when I make it. And I LOVE my husband's mashed sweet potatoes! They are even better than his regular mashed potatoes! I insist he make them for the holidays we are at my parents, because I just can't get enough of them!

How about you? What is your favorite holiday dish to eat and/or make? What do you look forward to every year? Who makes the best mashed potatoes in your family? Who's planning to pig out on turkey and stuffing tomorrow like I am? Just save room for pie!

Question of the Week - Taking My Mind Off Surgery

2010-11-16T12:24:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow morning is the Pumpkin's adenoid removal surgery. I am (understandably) nervous about the whole thing, as is Londo. I hear that the adenoid removal surgery by itself is usually pretty easy and kids recover very quickly. But as Londo pointed out last night, we can never expect anything to be easy or even typical with our daughter. Hope for the best, but plan for the worst, I always say.

I took her to a pre-op physical with her pediatrician yesterday, and even though she has a cough and a bit of a cold, they gave her the go-ahead. The appointment was not with our regular doctor, but I did pass by our regular doctor in the hall and told why were were there and that her surgery is on Wednesday. Our doctor looked at me and said, (I quote) "Good. I really think this is a good idea and the right thing to do for her." She really thinks it will help the Pumpkin's breathing and generally improve her quality of life, possibly even her quality of sleep. That helped a lot to hear, especially from the doctor who knows (and doesn't judge) everything about my daughter.

I have to be honest though, I'm not counting on anything. My hope for this surgery is that she doesn't get as many ear infections through this cold/flu season. She had 5 ear infections and multiple additional times that fluid was backed up in her ears though not infected. The ENT said that her ears look fine and she doesn't need tubes. We think the adenoids being enlarged might be causing the fluid backups and subsequent infections.

So that's my hope. And that's enough of a reason to get this surgery done. In an ideal world, it will help her breath better and sleep better, but I am pretty resigned to life with a poor sleeper.

Anyway, I'm trying not to dwell on it too much. In fact, this week's question of the week is simply designed to try and take my mind off the upcoming surgery...

Got anything good to share?

I'll start by saying that Londo introduced me to Cee Lo Green's F@#% You, aka Forget You, song and video last night. Not only that, but then he showed me this video clip from Glee. I loved it, so I am sharing it with you. You're welcome. Also, I have no idea why I'm not watching that show, except that it's on at a bad time for me and my DVR.

What about you? Got a good story? Funny website? Awesome video? Please share something with me to help take my mind off my worries! TIA!

Getting What He Wants Without Words

2010-11-10T14:30:00.000-05:00

The Pookie is almost 17 months old. He has really great receptive language skills. He obviously understands a great deal, and he generally knows what the words are that we are saying to him. His own verbalizing, however, is not as advanced as his receptive skills. He does have quite a few words, but his pronounciation leaves a lot to be desired.

For example, instead of "mama," he says "nahnah." I'll take it, of course, cause at least he's saying something intending to be mama. But he does not pronounce Ms when he should. He also says "ick" instead of "milk," but he accompanies it with the sign for milk, which he does for some other words, too. He's makes specific noises and is learning the signs for cracker, cereal, water, more and all done. Actually, he has the words "all done" down pat.

For many other words or to convey meaning, he indicates with gestures and noises which we try to figure out. He gets frustrated, and that frustration comes out in ways I'm sure you all know. He gets mad and yells, he fusses and whines, and he throws things and has tantrums when thwarted or unable to get what he wants. In other words, he's a toddler with limited verbal skills.

Yesterday morning, the boy was up at 5:00. I tried to get him to go back to sleep, but it was no use. I let him play in his room for a while, but he kept fussing. Finally, at about 6:30 I brought him downstairs to feed the dog and just be somewhere else where he hopefully wouldn't wake up his sister and dad.

He was very happy to be downstairs. He helped me feed the dog and let her out, and then I went to get him milk. In fact, he asked for milk by name, though not sign. "Ick! Ick!" he said, pointing to the fridge. "Yes, yes. I'm getting your milk," I told him.

But when I handed him his sippy cup of milk, he yelled, "NO!" and slammed it down. "But little guy, that's what you asked for," I reminded him. But still, no. He didn't want the sippy cup. I decide to try him with water, which is sometimes what he wants instead of milk. Nope, no water. He again says milk and points to the fridge. I try to hand him his sippy cup, but that's still not what he wants.

He went to the cabinet with the kids' stuff. Oh, have I mentioned that he can totally undo all the baby-proofing on the cabinets? Yeah, that's fun. So he opens the baby-proofed cabinet and takes out a kid spoon. He walks back to the table. I think, well, maybe he's hungry. I try to put him in his highchair, but he freaks out.

Okay, no highchair. That's not new. Lately, he's started climbing in the real chairs around the table and wanting to be there unstead of the highchair. Over the weekend, we pulled out the Pumpkin's old booster seat for him to use at the table, and he's liked that a lot. Which of course means he rarely wants to be in the highchair, although he still sometimes tries to climb in it to indicate that he's hungry.

Even in my half-awake daze, I realize that he seems to want something specific. I start to piece it all together. He got a spoon and wants milk from the fridge. He is by the table but doesn't want to get in his highchair. It's morning and he's been up for quite a while, and he didn't eat much for dinner the night before. I think he must be hungry, and he usually has cereal in the morning. He doesn't usually remember the sign for cereal and I've never heard him say the word cereal, at least in a way I've understood.

So I ask him, "Do you want cereal?" He makes babbles that are not in disagreement. I go to the kids' cabinet and pull out a kid bowl. He looks excited by this development. I put the bowl on the table. I pull out Life and Cheerios and offer both to him. He quickly moves straight for the Life cereal.

I put that and the spoon on the table and help him climb into the booster seat at the table. He picks up the spoon and points to his bowl, making "ooo ooo" noises. I pour in the cereal, and he's obviously happy. He says "ick ick!" and I pour in the milk.

Delighted, he happily starts digging in to his cereal with both spoon and hand, as he does these days. He's sitting where he wants, eating exactly what he wants, eating the way he wants. Oh yes, he's a happy boy now!

Although he can get across what he wants without having the words, it would have been much easier and quicker if he did have the words. Someday, he will. For now, we'll keep trying to figure it out in other ways and teach him more signs.

Question of the Week - Joining the Circus

2010-11-09T07:45:00.004-05:00

I just finished the book Water for Elephants, by Sara Gruen. I LOVED it. It's been a while since I found a book this engaging, this enjoyable from cover to cover. It was well written and well researched, with interesting characters and a good plot. Best of all? It was all about the circus!

There is just something about the circus. Something dreamy, something magical. Even knowing that some of it is pure illusion, there is still a lot of hard work and the feats that people and animals can do is just amazing.

Londo's never been to the actual circus. When we were in grad school in Georgia, the circus was coming to town. I really wanted to take him, but he said he wanted to wait and go his first time with his own kids. That was so sweet that I didn't push it, even though I would have really enjoyed going to the circus. (A few years later, we did go to a Cirque du Soleil show, and though absolutely amazing, it's not the same as an actual circus.)

So I've been waiting... until we had kids... until the kids were old enough... still waiting, but the time is getting closer.

In fact, just yesterday, the Pumpkin was pretending that we were in a circus. She put the booster seat on the ground and stood on it like she was the ring master, and she called out to me and the Pookie, "Okay guys! We are in the circus. We are going to do tricks. Mommy, you go first!"

So I did some jumps and then bowed while she clapped. Then she did some silly dance, and we clapped. Then we got the Pookie to stomp his foot, which he does when someone says "stomp." He stomps one foot while saying, "stomp stomp stomp." And we clapped for him. It was great fun. But not nearly as much fun as we'll have after they've seen their first real circus! I can't wait to see what tricks they pretend to do then!

This week's question of the week is:

If you were in the circus and could do anything, what act/trick would you want to do?

Although I love the idea of doing an act with animals, I have always wished that I could be a trapeze artist. All that swinging and flying around from bar to bar. Flipping in the air and getting caught (hopefully!) and swung again. It sounds thrilling! I have heard that there is a camp or something that you can take somewhere where you can learn to swing on a trapeze. Maybe someday I can at least do that.

What about you? What would your circus act be? Did you ever dream of running off to join the circus? Did you ever threaten to send the kids (or pets) to the circus? I've done both, although not the latter actually to the kids. Yet. Heh.

Halloween with Peanut Allergies Wrap-Up

2010-11-05T12:21:00.004-04:00

We had a wonderful Halloween at Casa Di caramama! The neighborhood party had pizza and juice, and the trick-or-treating was great fun afterwards. Though we carried the epipen around, we didn't need to use it!

I even dressed up at a fairy to go with my daughter's unicorn costume and my son's dragon (/dinosaur) costume, although I put a jacket and pants on, with the wings on the outside of the jacket. It got pretty cold that night.

At first, I brought the Pookie up to the houses with the Pumpkin, but after a half dozen houses, the Pookie sat in the wagon while Londo pulled him around. He was very happy just watching all that was going on. Such is his personality. At 7:00, Londo took him home and put him to bed while I continued around with the Pumpkin.

She had a blast! She loved going up to houses and saying trick-or-treat. She loved the decorations and the costumes and talking with the kids and adults at each house. We held hands between just about every house, and I went up to every door with her.

At first, she would say, "Trick or treat!" and I would then pipe up with, "Something without peanuts, please." But I quickly realized that the people opening the doors were focused on the kids, so it took them a minute to process what I was saying. I also realized that my daughter is really fantastic about her allergy, and she could just ask them herself. So she amended what she was saying to:

"Trick or treat! No peanuts, please!"

I still smile when I think of her saying that. It was truly adorable, in addition to easing my worries and making me proud! And it really made each adult and/or kid handing out candy pay attention and think about what they had in their buckets.

There were only 2 or 3 houses that didn't have any candy without peanuts, and one of those houses gave her a juice box instead. The Pumpkin was fine even at those houses. We said, "That's okay. Thanks anyway!" And at least one said that they hadn't thought about peanut allergies and would be sure to get some peanut-free candy next year. Look at that! We educated others while having fun!

We let the Pumpkin take candy that didn't have peanuts in it, even if they were made in a facility that also has peanuts. (And yes, at this point we know where they are manufactured and how safe pretty much all of the candies are.) She isn't eating those candies, but she's trading them in for the safe candy I already bought.

She and I stayed out pretty late for her, walking all around the neighborhood. We got home just after her lights-out time, quickly got her ready for bed, let her watch 10 minutes of TV to unwind (and it's part of her normal bedtime routine), and when I took her to her bed, she fell asleep within 2 minutes! A personal best record, for her.

So Halloween was a success on many levels. The most important being that the kids were safe and had a lot of fun! I hope everyone out there had as much fun as we did!

An Allergic Reaction, But From What?

2010-10-27T11:59:00.001-04:00

Sunday morning was Londo's turn to sleep in. I had a great morning with the kids and fixed them a breakfast of eggs and toast. In fact, I thought I was doing awesome because I staved off a tantrum over the toast with some quick thinking.

The Pumpkin had requested regular toast with jelly, so I fixed it just the way she likes it and put some homemade strawberry jelly from my MIL on top. After a couple bites, all of a sudden the Pumpkin said she wanted toast with just butter. She was about to freak out about it (ah, Three-And-A-Half, you don't make things easy), when I offered to give her the cinnamon raisin toast with butter I was just fixing for myself. Well, that would do nicely! And tantrum averted!

At the end of breakfast, I saw a couple red spots on my daughter's face. The Pumpkin has sensitive skin, so she is always getting odd bumps and spots of eczema and the recent impetigo and whatever else. So I looked at it as I wiped her off and thought I'd keep my eye on them.

Within 10 or 15 minutes, the spots looked bigger, redder, worse. I called her over from playing and examined them again. That's when I noticed a more blister-like appearance. Like a lightbulb came on, I realized they were hives. It must have been an allergic reaction, and the only thing she is allergic to (that we know of) is peanuts.

I wasn't sure how to react. I kept my eye on it for another 5 or 10 minutes. During that time, I proceeded to go through everything she ate or touched that morning. She's had eggs for years, cooked the same way, with salt and pepper, and it's never been a problem. The regular bread is the same one I make her sandwiches on every day with no problems. The jelly? The one that she said she wanted and then pushed away after two bites? Hmmm. Was that the same jelly that we've had before finding out about her peanut allergy? Was that the same jelly I used to use for PBJs? I have no idea. While it didn't seem likely, I couldn't rule it out entirely. What else had she touched? Just the same toys she'd been playing with since yesterday.

What on earth could have caused the hives? Where were the peanuts hiding? How could she have come into contact and/or ingested peanuts?

The hives started to look like they were fading. I realized I needed to wake up Londo. I wanted to be sure he saw what I saw before they were gone (we debated for a year over our perceptions of what happened when the Pumpkin first tried a little bit of peanut butter). And I needed my co-parent to talk through what happened and what we should do.

Londo and I started talking through what it could have been and what we should do (and I should have done). He threw out the jelly, just in case it had been contaminated. But he also pointed out that we just brought a bunch of unsafe candy into the house from the the trunk-or-treat the kids did at the Pookie's daycare. Although we didn't have any candy with actual peanuts in it(aside from plain M&Ms), there were candies manufactured in places that also have peanuts and there were a couple from a bowl that also had packaged peanut butter cups.

But she had been playing with all that stuff the day before with no reaction. And that morning, she hadn't gone near any of it! In fact, I had put all the candy up in a cabinet so she wouldn't ask for candy for breakfast (like she had the day before). Could it really have been from touching something like a counter that had touched some candy that was made in a place that also had peanuts? And then when she ate breakfast, she got some little remnant in her mouth? Really?

She was fine, and the hives went away after an hour or so, definitely within two hours. She didn't need the epipen, but it occurred to me after the fact that I should have at the very least given her benedryl as soon as I realized they were hives. I don't know about giving her the epipen, and I think I need to talk to the allergist. If her reaction was just hives, I don't want to freak her out by stabbing her in the leg with a needle. She was breathing fine and didn't say her throat felt funny, even when I asked. But I should have given her the benedryl. And woken Londo sooner.

This experience has freaked us out a bit.

On the bright side, her reaction was minor. A couple of hives? That's not bad. If that's her reaction to being exposed to peanuts, maybe we don't have to worry as much as we have been.

However, what we've learned about peanut allergies is that it's basically russian roulette with reactions. With one additional exposure, she could have an anaphylactic reaction. It doesn't necessarily have to be progressively worse reactions over many exposures. So, we still need to be hyper-vigilant.

And on the really-freaking-me-out side, even though it was a minor reaction, her exposure to peanuts must have been a really really tiny exposure through some cross-contamination because nothing she ate or was around had actual peanuts in it. We haven't had any peanuts or peanut products in our house in over 6 months. There are very few things in the house that are even made in facilities that also have peanuts, and those aren't things that she eats or even goes near.

We've been careful. So careful! And still, she somehow was exposed to something that caused the hives. Some tiny, unseen bit of a peanut. Some unaccounted for cross-contamination in my own house! My house that is supposed to be a safe haven for her!

This is making Londo and me really worried about the upcoming trick-or-treating. I thought we had a good plan in place, but now I don't know what to think. All I know for sure is that we will be extra vigilant and carry her epipen with us where ever we go. There's no telling what her next reaction will be... or what will cause the reaction.

Last Night

2010-10-26T11:31:00.001-04:00

It's his teeth.
Again.
The hard, sharp, white edges
pushing through
soft, sensitive, pink gums.
This painful
process seems flawed in design.

The molars are the worst. They
push through,
recede,
push through again,
recede again,
before finally coming out for good.

His sleep is disturbed.
He can't settle
himself. His cries escalate, disturbing
our sleep. We take turns
going to him
because he is uncomfortable lying down.

I walk with him in my arms more steps
than I care
to count. I pace the floor for longer
than I want to track. Is
he asleep enough now? Or should I continue
another minute,
two minutes, five minutes?

I try putting him down. I rub
his back when
he stirs, settling him back
down. I ease up the crib rail.
He stays asleep.
I tiptoe across the room, avoiding

the creaky spots in the floor.
He stays asleep.
I carefully turn the door knob.
It clicks loudly.
He wakes crying, reaching for me.
I sigh and return to him.
Again.

Question of the Week - Halloween Fun

2010-10-25T12:32:00.002-04:00

Halloween is my favorite holiday, and since having kids of my own, it's gotten even more fun for me. I don't yet have the time or energy or belief in the consistency of 3.5 year old choice to make costumes for the kids myself, but I do plan on that in the future. For now, we've bought costumes, Londo has put out the outdoor decorations, I've ordered peanut-free candy which has arrived, and we've already done one set of trick-or-treating!

This past Friday, the Pookie's daycare had "trunk or treat" in which a bunch of parents decorated the trunks of their cars, lined them up in the parking lot and handed out candy to the kids who went around trunk-or-treating. The daycare is a nut-free school, so we felt relatively safe letting the Pumpkin go trunk-or-treating with her brother (although not all parents were thorough about the no nuts, included one parent having Reese's Peanutbutter Cups in their bag of candy to hand out! URG!). And the daycare/school didn't mind at all, especially since that is where the Pumpkin went over the summer, so all the teachers and administrative types know her.

I informed Londo that I had signed us up to be one of the cars at trunk or treat and that we were using his car, since his interior is black. Besides, he's the one who does, oh, 90% of all the holiday decorating at our house (that pesky Seasonal Affective Disorder continuously gets in the way of my energy to decorate). Luckily, I long ago infected him with my love of Halloween, and he was on board.

He did a totally awesome job decorating the trunk of our car with all sorts of spooky-but-not-scary Halloween decor, including layering the bottom with orange and black balloons, which all the kids loved. He also played our Halloween playlist through the car speakers, which was a nice touch.

Our kids had so much fun walking around from car to car looking at all the decorations and taking the candy and putting it into their pumpkin buckets. My daughter was a unicorn, and my son was a dragon (although it was a dinosaur costume, it was close enough to call him a dragon). Londo mostly stayed at the car and handed out safe candy. I got to walk hand in hand with my unicorn and dragon and help them pick out the candy, making sure we got lots that Mommy and Daddy like. Heh heh.

I thought the trunk or treat was such a neat idea! We hadn't heard of it before, so it was new and fun for us on my favorite holiday. And this week's question of the week is:

What kind of fun activities do you or your kids' daycares/schools do for Halloween or the Fall season?

My daughter's school doesn't have them dress up for Halloween. But instead, this Friday her after-school care class is doing a Silly Hat Parade! This is another neat idea I hadn't heard of before and can totally get into.

Yesterday, the Pumpkin and I had over a friend and her mom, and we made silly hats out of paper bags. I'd seen the idea before, and then found this website with simple directions. I got some paper grocery bags, pulled out the arts and crafts, including sponge paint and hot glue gun, and we made some awesome hats! I'll try to post pictures soon.

Not only did we have fun making the crafts (my daughter LOVES arts and crafts projects), but she has a beautiful hat to wear on Friday. And for once, I'm not scrambling last minute to get her ready for something at school! I may get the hang of this parenting thing before the kids are completely grown up!

What about you guys? Whacha doing for Halloween or the Fall or as silly artsy projects? Anything good going on at your kids' schools or daycare? Are you planning any good Halloween kids parties in the neighborhood? What's your Halloween fun this year?

Our First Parent-Teacher Conference

2010-10-21T16:22:00.000-04:00

We had our first Parent-Teacher Conference the other day. This to me is a sign that the Montessori school is a real pre-school, not just a daycare pre-school, like the Pumpkin's earlier pre-schools were. No, this was a real appointment on a day she had off from school where we sat down with her teachers (in very little chairs) and discussed how she is doing.

And the first thing that her main teacher said was, and I quote, "She's not having as many meltdowns anymore."

Greeeeaaaaaaaat!!!! I believe that Londo and I both put our hands to our heads. We didn't know there were meltdowns at school. Certainly, there's been plenty at home, but you know kids. They don't really talk about what happens at school.

Apparently, she'll get upset about something (mostly minor things, it sounds like), start crying and saying that so-and-so "hurt her feelings." The teachers noted that they don't usually hear that verbalized from 3 year olds. I explained that we'd been working on it with her to combat some mean phrases she picked up at that first school, phrases like, "you're not my friend" and "you're a baby." I also explained that she'd always been verbally and physically advanced, but that she was emotionally very much still three and a half. They assured us that those mean phrases were not tolerated at this school, and that they were working with the Pumpkin to not get too upset over the little things.

But other than that, she's doing great. She likes to watch the teachers give lessons, especially to the older kids for the materials that she's not quite ready for. Then she wants to use those materials, but the teachers explain that she first needs to master the materials leading up to the older ones. That's the Montessori way. They said that she accepts that and moves on to other things.

The teachers and Londo and I talked a bit about how we can't force this child to do things, since that makes her just dig in her heels even more. Her main teacher said that she generally tells her that when she's ready, let her know, and the Pumpkin does. I've used that tactic before with success myself.

She likes the language materials, the puzzles, the steps and blocks, the life skills materials. She is interested and engaged. She is independant and able to roll out her mat and do her work on her own. She is picking up on a lot of the skills the first time she uses the material (SUPERGENIUS!) (You know I had to say it!). The teachers will be sure she moves along at a pace that will keep her interested without overwhelming her.

On a few occassions when I walked the Pumpkin down to her room before class started, I would go into the classroom and talk with the teacher a bit. When I did, I would watch as my daughter quickly went from clinging to me outside the classroom to hurrying off to a table or shelf where she immediately started doing or watching some activity. There was no looking back, no tears, no meltdowns, no running around and getting into trouble.

This is a good school for her. We like the teachers (mostly*), we love the Montessori method. We thought it would be a good fit for her, and we are glad to hear that it is so far.

*There is one that we aren't in synch with, but that's not one of the Pumpkin's main teachers.

Question of the Week - What Are You Drinking?

2010-10-19T11:54:00.004-04:00

A couple months ago, I was annoyed at my husband. I don't even remember why now, other than it really wasn't a big deal. I'll be honest, I was PMSing and stressed about work and the kids had been sick (again!). I was doing dishes while he was putting the Pumpkin to bed, and I was thinking about some little thing that Londo did, getting more and more annoyed over what was virtually nothing (I mean, I literally don't even remember what it was now).

A glass and a half of wine later, I realized I was getting pissy over nothing. The mellow from the wine had kicked in, and I started to let it go. Instead, I started thinking about what a great dad and husband and worker and man he is. There he was, putting our daughter to bed after a difficult evening for all of us. I was cleaning dishes from the dinner he had made the family, drinking the wine he had picked up for me from the store. None of us are perfect, and he has a lot going on lately.

I also started thinking about a phrase he uses during some of our difficult times: I need you to cut me some slack. Written like that, it looks abrupt. But he never says it rudely. He actually says it or asks very nicely, and he often says that we should cut each other slack when we've got a lot going on.

So there I am, finishing up my second glass of Chianti, doing the last of the dishes, thinking to myself, "Yeah. I'm going to cut him some slack."

This could be a post about how we should all cut each other slack, or about how we should appreciate the good things our partners and others do for us, or about letting the little things go so that we don't stress out about everything, or about how we should all support each other especially during difficult times.

But it's not.

This post is about how I enjoy a nice glass (or two) of wine in the evenings, about how it helps me relax and enjoy things a little more. Some nights I don't have anything to drink, some nights I have a glass with dinner, and some nights I have a couple glasses after the kids go to bed. But since I've stopped nursing and I'm not pregnant, I have started to have wine more regularly to help de-stress. And I'm glad I am, for my sake, my husband's sake and my kids' sake! ;-)

This week's question of the week is:

What's your drink of choice?

Lately, my drink of choice is either Chianti or Chardonnay. My favorite mixed drink is vodka tonic, which happens to be my dad's drink also. My favorite drink for the beach is Captain and Coke. My favorite non-alcoholic relaxing drink is herbal tea. And my favorite morning drink is coffee!

What about you? What do you like to drink? Do you have different drinks for different occasions? Have you got a good way to mellow out at the end of a stressful day? Does it involve alcohol, like mine?

Individuality and Clothes

2010-10-14T13:54:00.000-04:00

They called me tacky turtle.

I was a fourth grader, and they were fifth graders. It would happen in the lunch room, since our lunch tables were next to each other. Either my clothes didn't match or they were too loud or too patterned or too... I don't know... different, I guess.

When I read a recent post by Her Bad Mother, it all came back to me. Just like her daughter, I didn't care what was in style or what would be normal or what would be considered matching by typical standards. Instead, just like her daughter, I wore what I felt like wearing that day based on my own desires.

No, the clothes didn't always match. They were probably even tacky. It was the 80s, after all. I have this picture of me at that age wearing splatter-paint paints in primary colors, a jaguar sweatshirt, a florescent pink belt and a pastel pink satin jacket. It totally didn't match. But those were all of my favorite things at the time, and I wanted to wear them all at once.

So, they called me tacky turtle. It was a stupid name, but it hurt. In fact, it hurt for many years. It was only a year or two ago that I could say or write the name without wanting to cry. Tacky turtle. There, I can write it now. I can even say it outloud. Tacky Turtle. That's what they called me.

I don't know if it was considered bullying at the time, or if it would be considered that now. I've always just said that I was picked on about how I dressed, I was teased about what I wore. It hurt, and it affected me deeply. More deeply than I showed to them, I'm sure. I'm pretty sure I didn't cry, at least in front of them. I think I just tried not to react at all. Whatever I did, I think it worked because it didn't last long. The teasing, that is. The emotional affects lasted a very long time.

In the following two or three years, I started dressing in black more and more. I doubted myself and my fashion sense. My mom says that my sister started dressing in basic black at that time, and perhaps I was picking it up from her, though her style was always pretty preppy and mine was not. But I also remember thinking that everything goes with black, so I'd wear that. I couldn't mismatch or look tacky in black. So I wore more and more black, blending in with those around me during those difficult middle school years.

By the time I reached high school, we had moved and I was in a new school with all new people. I don't know what it was that motivated me specifically, but I decided I was not going to simply wear black and blend in anymore. I was going to figure out what was fashion and, more importantly, what was my style. I wanted to feel confident in what I wore, but not simply mimic what everyone else was wearing. I didn't want to dress preppy like my sister or in clothes my mom picked out for me. I wanted to wear things I thought were fun and cute and ME, but in a way that was fashionable and not "tacky."

I got a subscription to Vogue magazine and I started paying attention to high fashion. The clothes in Vogue and on the runway were not anything I could actually wear. That's not the point of high fashion. The point is set style trends that can be toned down in regular wear. It was the early 90s now, and the age of the supermodels was in full force. Fashion was diverse and interesting to me. And I decided to try it all.

In high school, I wore the grunge style, with ripped jeans and flannel shirts. I wore hippy clothes, with long flowy skirts and an anklet of bells. I wore preppy clothes, with white buttondown shirts and khaki pants. I wore the hip-hop style, with body suits and baggy jeans. I wore what I wanted to wear, with a confidence that gave me the ability to pull off just about anything and with complete disregard to what anyone else thought about my clothes. I went to college with the same diversity of style and the same confidence to pull it all off.

Instead of being a tacky turtle in high school and college, I was known for being stylish with cute and fun clothes. I was also known for not caring what others thought about what I wore. When my good friend in college joked to me about my baggy black and white stripped "prison" pants, I laughed and said that I loved them. When my roommate was surprised that I put fake dreadlocks I put in my hair, I made her take a picture of the temporary style so I would always remember it. When I would go to my sorority parties, I paired my chunky heels and a lime green cardigan with my little black dress. When I came back from studying abroad in Italy, I wowwed Londo in black leather pants with a fitted t-shirt the night I met him.

Over the many years since I was called tacky turtle, I've occasionally thought, "Why did my mom let me out of the house in those clothes?" Every time I've had that thought, I immediately dismissed it for two reasons:
1. Even at that age, I would very stubbornly insist on wearing what I wanted to wear.
2. She let me explore what I liked no matter what others might have thought, and it's because of that support that I was able to later develop my own style.

I must admit, I have mostly tamed down my natural inclinations ever since fourth grade. I realize that if left to my own devices, I would probably wear some really gaudy outfits. I LOVE animal print, bright colors, big patterns, fake fur, four-inch heels and anything sparkly. But I've learned how to match patterns and how to pair loud items with plainer items, like putting my animal print shoes with my brown suit or a bright blouse with a black blazer.

As a mother, I care a lot about how my kids look, including their clothes. I find myself explaining to my daughter what colors and styles match, and I do try to encourage her to pick clothes that generally go together. But I'm not going to get into a big fight over what she wears. As long as the clothes are age appropriate and weather appropriate, she can pick out what she wants. Most of the clothes in her closet are ones I picked out and bought for her, but I'm trying to encourage her to pick out her own clothes in the stores. I also try to buy fun clothes that I think she will like, especially items with monkeys on them, since she's my monkey girl.

Right now, the Pumpkin only vaguely cares about what she wears. I usually pick something out, and either she agrees to wear it or not. If she doesn't want to wear the first outfit, I tell her to pick out what she wants to wear, as long as it's appropriate and still fits. Just this morning, she refused the cute patterned shirt I picked, and instead picked out a bright blue shirt.

I want my kids to develop their own sense of style. I want them to have fun with clothes and shoes and accessories. Though I don't want them to go through the teasing and self-consciousness I went through, I also don't want to limit them or impose conformity on them. I especially don't want them to try to impose conformity on others. I want them to not only thrive in their own individuality, but to I want them to support and stick up for others who are eccentric or outside the norm.

What this world needs is less judgement and more individuality. From fifth graders to the parents who insist that their children and all children must wear clothing that blends in. The leaders in fashion have always pushed the boundries of what is normal and even okay to wear. And as I learned in high school, it's the high fashion that trickles down into everyday wear, turning what was once unacceptable into the style of the day.

Maybe my daughter or son will push the boundries. Maybe they won't care at all about fashion. Maybe they will be teased for how they dress. Maybe their style will be admired and copied. I just hope that they wear what they want and that they don't tease others for doing the same.

Spending My Time

2010-10-13T13:40:00.000-04:00

I am totally out of my normal rhythm, so you'll have to excuse me if I'm not keeping up with the blogosphere. There are good reasons, and not-so-good reasons.

First, this weekend I went away with one of my BFFs and my cousin's college-age daughter to my cousin's house at a nearby lake. My BFF and I left husbands and kids behind for a girls' weekend! It was fantabulous! We stayed up late talking or playing games, we slept in late in the mornings, we ate out for every meal, we saw Life As We Know It and got ice cream, we sat outside on the deck reading in the sun on a beautiful fall day, and we generally did whatever we wanted!

I came back Sunday night, immediately picked up my daughter and Mom and aunt, and drove up to my brother's house for my mom's birthday dinner. The Pookie had a stuffy nose, so Londo stayed home with him. I had a great time, especially since the Pumpkin and her cousins that are around her age all ran off into the basement to play BY THEMSELVES! It's a good age.

Although we had a bit of a rough night that night, Monday was another good day. Both my husband and I were working from home that day (my office was closed for Columbus Day), but the kids' schools were open. So I dropped them off in the morning and went back home.

It was a beautiful day, so it didn't take much for Londo to convince me to pick up some food and go on a picnic. We had such a lovely time that we decided not to head back to the house right away to go back to work. Instead, we hiked around a park for a while, enjoying the weather and each other's company.

This was much needed for us, this reconnection. We had been short with each other lately, with so much stressors going on in our lives. It's too easy to take out the stress and frustration on the ones we are closest to, though we try so hard not to. An afternoon outside exploring and being together was just what we needed. And it helped to get us in the right spirits for what we had to deal with the next day.

You see, Sunday night I had noticed a little red bump on the Pumpkin's bottom. It's not unusual for her to get irritation bumps, since she has such sensitive skin. And on Sunday night, we had to borrow a pair of underwear from my niece due to a pee pee accident. I figured that her skin was just irritated by a different kind of detergent.

But then on Monday night, we noticed there were more bumps as she got into the bath with her brother. They looked odd, but I wasn't yet worried. I was only slightly worried the next morning when I noticed even more bumps, and that some looked like whiteheads. As I got her ready for the day, I saw a couple small bumps on her ribs and thighs. I was puzzled, but continued with our morning.

In fact, I didn't truly worry until I was getting the Pookie out of his highchair (about to get his shoes on and go out the door with both kids) and I noticed some small bumps on his leg. That's when I called a halt to the morning. It was one thing for my daughter to be getting a weird rash on her sensitive skin, but it's another to see the same rash on the other child. That quite clearly indicates that it can spread, which means no going to school.

I'd been hearing about bed bugs a lot lately, so I immediately start to panic that it was bed bugs and we'd have to sanitize the entire house! (It's not bed bugs.) I called the nurse at my doctors. I answer her questions, including the fact that the spots don't seem to be ichy to either kid. She doesn't think it's chicken pox, but now I start to worry that it's chicken pox. (It's not chicken pox. And no, neither kid has had that vaccine yet, although they will soon.) The nurse asks if I want to bring the kids in. And yes, I very much do want to bring them in!

It's impetigo. As soon as the doctor looks at it, she said right off that it's impetigo, from either a staph or strep infection. But just on the skin -- skin infection. Neither kid has a fever or sore throat, so that's good at least. We just apply a topical antibiotic three times a day until it clears up and cover with long pants and long sleeves.

I never thought I'd be so glad that my kids have a staph or strep infection! But what a relief that it's not bed bugs or chicken pox or some other worse skin disease. We still are keeping the Pumpkin home, because it apparently often spreads in pre-schoolers via the toilet, which explains the bumps on her bottom that were in the horseshoe shape of a toilet seat. My guess is she picked it up at school, but it could have been anywhere. I don't even know where she used the bathroom over the weekend, and I'm not going to bother to try to figure it out. Though I did clean our bathrooms from top to bottom.

So I stayed home with the kids yesterday, and I quite enjoyed playing with them all day. It's been like I had a double weekend, with plenty of time to enjoy myself (weekend away), my BFF (weekend away), my family (Sunday night), my husband (Monday) and my kids (Tuesday). But now, I have SO MUCH WORK TO DO and need to spend time at work. Oh well. It's almost the weekend again!

Sometimes She Confuses Me (Shorts)

2010-10-07T11:09:00.000-04:00

Lately my daughter has been talking about "biting snakes" which I assume are snakes that bite, as opposed to those that don't. Generally, she talks about being scared of biting snakes and look out because there are biting snakes over there (with the crocodilles and giants who invade our house, apparently). And then the other morning, she shared this nugget of information:

Pumpkin: Biting snakes are scared of ghosts. Biting ghosts.
After a short pause, while I stood there a bit confused, but hadn't said anything...
Pumpkin: Biting ghosts are the same as regular ghosts except they are not regular. They are biting ghosts.

Glad we got that all cleared up!

------------------------

The other morning in the car, we had the following conversation:
Pumpkin: Do you want to hear a song about the highway?
caramama: I really do.
Pumpkin: Highway, highway. Every day is the highway.
Highway, highway. Every day is the highway.*
Pumpkin stops singing and asks me: Do you want to hear a song about the low way**?
caramama: Definitely.
Pumpkin: But I'm not done with the song about the highway!
caramama, trying not to laugh: Okay. Then let's hear the rest of the highway song.
Pumpkin continues to sing all sorts of "lyrics" about not rolling windows down on the highway because it's too windy and goodness knows what else.

I didn't do was ask her why she would offer up a different song when she wanted to sing more of the first song. I didn't bother to go there, because I suspect the answer would have confused me just as much.

*She totally made this song up. She makes up a lot of songs, and she's getting really good at it.

**For like a year now she's been distinguishing roads by whether they are highways or "low ways" such as neighborhood roads. We think it's so cute that we keep calling them that too.

The ENT Specialist's Recommendation

2010-10-06T11:00:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago, I brought the Pumpkin to an appointment with an ENT specialist recommended by our pediatrician. After the multiple ear infections last winter/spring (five total) plus the regularity of liquid build up in her ears when she had any sort of cold, the pediatrician thought it would be a good idea to get her ears checked out by a specialist. Knowing that we tend on the side of less medical intervention, she recommended a specialist she said was generally conservative in his recommendations.

I put off making the appointment, as I tend to do. The Pumpkin's ears weren't bothering her this summer, so I just wasn't thinking about it or worried about it. But then, we started having sleep issues again. And then I read a blog post about tonsils and adenoids that got me thinking: Maybe there is more to the ear infections and even sleep issues. Maybe there is some underlying health reason for both, in addition to my girl's personality making it difficult for her to go to sleep and sleep well.

After just a little bit of research on adenoids and a phone call with the pediatrician, I made the appointment with the ENT. I knew going in that she wasn't having any ear issues, but I was going to see if he said anything about her adenoids. And if he didn't bring it up, I was going to.

The Pumpkin did great for her appointment. The doctor was an older man who was really good with kids, and even had Spiderman cuff links and a Mickey Mouse watch, both of which my daughter loved. He asked some general questions related to her health, ears and sleep.

Here was the conversation as he was checking her out:

ENT Doc: Does she breath through her mouth at night?
caramama: Yes.
ENT Doc: Does she ever snore?
caramama: Yeah. That's actually how we know for sure she's fallen asleep at night. She starts snoring gently.
ENT Doc: Does she come in your room at night?
caramama: Oh yeah.
ENT Doc: Often?
caramama: Oh yeah.

We talked a bit about the ear infections and how the liquid buildup could have been because the adenoids are blocking the normal drainage... or something like that.

Sure enough, her ears looked fine but her adenoids were enlarged. My mother's instinct was right on!

Then, I discussed with the generally conservative doctor whether or not she should have surgery. Here's how that conversation went:

ENT Doc: Well, next time she's asleep, go into her room and check on her. See if she is breathing through her mouth, snoring, and tossing and turning a lot.
caramama: Doctor, I can tell you now. She does all of those things. She sleeps with us enough for me to know for sure.
ENT Doc: So her sleep is regularly disrupted? Does she seem tired during the day?
caramama: She's never slept well, and she does have signs that she is sleep deprived (this was part of what I discussed on the phone with our pediatrician). She has trouble focusing, she gets fussy, and she gets that wildness that kids get when they are over-tired. I mean she gets those things more than I've seen in other kids her age.
ENT Doc: It sounds to me like the enlarged adenoids are affecting her quality of life.
caramama: Probably our whole household's quality of life!
We both chuckled.
ENT Doc: When the quality of life is being affected, especially to this degree, I do recommend surgery.

So, that's where we are. The ENT doctor recommends surgery for my 3.5 year old's enlarged adenoids. Luckily her tonsils are fine, so it would just be to remove the adenoids. Londo and I talked it over, and we think we should have it done. We discussed it again with our pediatrician, and she agrees that we should do it. There doesn't appear to be any negative consequences of having the adenoids removed (aside from dealing with the surgery itself), and it could greatly improve her sleep and quality of life.

Now, I just have to stop sitting on this referral and make the appointment for the surgery. I know I need to, and I should do it sooner rather than later. But I'm finding it really hard to make the call for surgery, aside from my normal procrastination of making appointments. Cause, you know, it's surgery. For my 3.5 year old. My firstborn. My little girl.

This is the part of being a parent that sucks. Having to do the hard stuff when it's probably best for the child. Sigh...

Question of the Week - At the Zoo

2010-10-04T10:33:00.002-04:00

The rainy, cloudy skies cleared Saturday morning, making it a lovely day for an outdoor activity. It was sunny and warm, but not hot. A perfect day to go to the zoo! We packed up a day bag, put the double stroller in the car, and headed down into the city and to the zoo.

Since the Pumpkin was born, we've been to the DC zoo quite a few times. However, each time it has been hectic at one point or another. Either we leave late after a baby's morning nap and then don't have much time there in the afternoon, or we have to leave early for an afternoon nap. Because of the time crunch, we usually hit a few key spots and then go. This time, with one child who doesn't nap and the other who has napped in a stroller, we thought things might be different, though we were ready to be flexible.

We got there a little before 11:00 and saw the lions and tigers lying around looking beautiful. Then, we stopped in the restaurant for lunch. After lunch, we decided to stroll all the way to the top of the zoo (the DC zoo is on a big hill, and we usually park at the bottom). After all, neither Londo nor I could remember the last time we saw the animals at the top of the hill other than the Bird House. We usually were busy hitting other spots in our targeted visits.

By the time we got to the top of the hill, the Pookie had fallen asleep in the stroller. I got the Pumpkin out so we could walk around and see the cheetah and zebras, while Londo continued to stroller the napping Pookie. And then we continued down the path to so many other animals!

What a blast we had! The Pumpkin walked or rode on my back in a piggy-back ride. We took the time to visit houses that we had passed by in the past and to go down smaller paths to see animals like the giant anteater or the gibbons. Once the Pookie woke up (after about 45 minutes!), the Pumpkin went back in the double stroller with him, they had a snack, and we continued down the path all the way to the bottom to visit Amazonia, a house I'd never even been to before!

It was a beautiful day, and we all had so much fun. What a difference it is to be able to spend a leisurely, full day at the zoo seeing whatever we want. Not only did we get to see our favorite animals, but we got to see many others that we normally don't get the opportunity to see.

This week's question of the week is:

What is your favorite animal at the zoo? Or what is your kids' favorite animal(s)?

My favorite is the tiger, so we always make a point to walk around the great cats' habitat. My second favorite is the elephant, and we usually see them out in their yard, too.

My daughter says her favorite is the monkey, although at the DC zoo we see the orangutans, gorillas and gibbons, all of which she loves to see. We especially love to see the baby gorilla, Kibibi, with her mommy. She says her second favorite is the zebra, and we saw three of those at the zoo.

I think my son's favorite was the gibbon, since he kept pointing to the gibbon hanging and swinging at the top of the net over their yard, babbling excitedly at us and the gibbon. I think he would have liked the elephants, but he was sleeping when we saw them. Oh, he did also get really excited about the gorillas, sitting up and widening his eyes when he saw the first one in the yard.

What about you and your kids? What are you favorite animals at the zoo? Do you get to go much? Are you at a point where you can enjoy a whole day out there or anywhere?

My Solo Parenting Journey

2010-10-01T11:41:00.000-04:00

I previously wrote that I was doing the solo parenting thing a bit lately. I knew I'd be doing it more and could handle it. But in the second week of being the sole parent, I realized I was going to be taking both kids down to visit my inlaws BY MYSELF! We would meet Londo down there, but the 7 hour trip (5.5 without-kids trip) would be me, a 3 year old and a 1 year old. That was when I really started to feel overwhelmed, both by the solo parenting and by the idea of taking the car trip with the kids on my own.

So I did what any parenting blogger in my position would do: I reached out to another blogger who would have some good advice. In this case, I knew that Kristen wrote a column called The Sometimes Single Mom, so I tweeted her and asked if she had any posts she'd recommend in particular for what I was going through already and any for taking a solo trip with kids.

Not only did Kristen give me links to a few posts to help me in the solo parenting in general, but she even wrote up a post just to answer my question about taking a solo parenting trip! Isn't she awesome? And have I mentioned that I love the internet, especially this online community of parenting bloggers and commenters?

And now, I will share with you all how I did the 7 hour car trip on a holiday weekend with two kids by myself. Feel free to pat me on the back any time you'd like. ;-)

Because we were going down for Labor Day weekend, a major travel holiday at least in my area, I took off Friday and planned to leave early in the morning. Really early. So early that I packed up almost everything the night before and staged it all by the front door so I could load it all in the car first thing in the morning.

Here's what I packed:

my bag of clothes

my bag of toiletries (last minute items packed in the morning)

the kids' bag of clothes

the kids' bag of toiletries (toothbrushes, medicines, etc.)

a box of diapers and wipes

the kiddie potty (for emergencies on the car trip)

bag with crib sheets and blankets for the Pookie

bag of toys and books for the Pumpkin (she helped me pick them out and pack them)

bag of toys and books for the Pookie

car bag of quiet toys for the Pumpkin (I packed this as a surprise, and it included a doodle pad, a sticker book and a couple action figures) (the Pookie already has some car toys in the car)

my diaper bag

a bag with clothes for the day and the kids' toiletries bag (for our breakfast stop)

a bag of food for our destination (foods we are sure are peanut-free and made in peanut-free facilities)

a bag of food for the car (snack foods for the kids and me)

a cooler with cups of milk and baby yogurt

the double stroller

It was a lot of stuff. There was a point in my life when I traveled light (like when I backpacked around Europe). That point is over. I know travel with kids and need to be prepared.

You may not realize what is missing from that list. The DVD player. That is because it was in Londo's car at our destination. So I had to make the trip without the DVD player to help me through. Luckily, I do have a bunch of kids CDs in my car.

So almost all the bags are packed and by the front door. I stayed up until 11:30 getting it all packed. I woke up with my alarm at 4:30, quickly got myself ready for the day, fed and let out the dog, packed all the last minute items (my toiletries and the cooler) and then I packed up the car. I finished packing the car, put the dog in her crate (my mom was picking her up later that morning to stay at her house while we were gone), and went up to get the kids by 5:00.

I had prepped the Pumpkin the day before. She knew it was going to be a "super silly morning!" and what was going to happen, and in what order. First, I got up the very sleepy Pumpkin, put her on the potty with only the nightlight as our light, washed her hands, and carried her out to the car. I strapped her into her car seat, made sure she was safe and sound, and went back in the house. Then, I got the very sleepy Pookie out of his crib, changed his diaper, got the dolphin he sleeps with (or rather, I keep in his crib while he is sleeping), and carried him out to the car, locking the front door as I went. I strapped him into his car seat (still rear-facing, so they can look at each other), made sure he was comfy, got in the drivers seat, and off we went! We were on the road by 5:30!

My hope was that they would fall back asleep, all snug in their pajamas in the moving car while it was still dark out. That didn't happen. It was too unusual of a situation, I think. There was newness, excitement and general awakeness. BUT they WERE sleepy, so they both just hung out in their carseats for about an hour.

So they didn't sleep for the first hour. I figured I should stop for gas then just in case they actually did fall asleep after that. We went in for a bathroom break also, and I gave the kids milk and snacks in the car. We got back on the road.

At about 7:30, they still weren't sleeping, and the snacks weren't enough. It was time to stop for breakfast. We went into a McD's, since I feel comfortable with them being peanut-free. I washed and dressed the kids in the bathroom, and we sat down for breakfast. Me and the two kids. Having breakfast on our road trip. It was actually a lot of fun.

When we got back in the car, I put on the kids music. The Pumpkin loves music--heck so does the Pookie! So we enjoyed that for a while. Not too long after, the Pookie fell asleep. I pulled out the sticker book and action figures for the Pumpkin to play with quietly while the Pookie slept. I was able to keep her quiet and let the baby sleep for about 45 minutes. But then she was getting frustrated about something and wouldn't stay quiet, and that was it for any sleeping in the car the rest of the trip.

We did one more bathroom stop, but the rest of the trip was really uneventful. The kids played with car toys, looked out the window, listened to music. The Pumpkin and I also sang, which entertained the Pookie.

They were really well-behaved in the car. I will never forget the 1.5-2 years of difficult car trips when the Pumpkin was a baby and couldn't stand the carseat. It was so hard to visit relatives or friends or go on vacation, because she was so miserable. But now? She is a champ in the car! And luckily, the Pookie hasn't had a problem with the car.

When we were driving in the mountains, getting very close to my inlaws' town, I started pointing out the forests, mountains, rocks and valleys. I would call out what I saw and point to it. So then the Pumpkin started doing that for her brother. And then the Pookie starting vocalizing and pointing out his window. I just thought it was so cute!

I feel like there should be more to this tale, but it went pretty smooth and we had a lot of fun. Our stops went well, and the kids seemed to be entertained and had fun. When we got to my inlaws' house, Londo was there to greet us and help get us and all our stuff into the house. We ate lunch, and then I took a nap.

So, it turns out: being the the solo parent on a car trip with two kids can go pretty smoothly. I think the keys things are:

Plan the timing that will work best for you and your kids. Usually, Londo and I do the trips at least partially at night so the kids will fall asleep in the car (we did this on the way back). But I knew that I'd be too tired to drive at night, so I decided on a morning trip.

Pack almost everything in advance. That way you are less likely to forget anything important. And it makes leaving the house more smooth at any time.

Pack toys or other entertainment items for the car ride. My girl loved having a special "car bag" next to her.

Keep the things you need for yourself and the kids REALLY handy. I was so glad I had the following handy: the snack foods in little bowls with lids, the sippy cups of milk, the car toys, the CDs with kids music and snacks for me.

Prepare the kids for the journey. I told my girl ahead of time to make sure she knew what to expect, what may happen, what wasn't going to happen, and the general timing of everything, especially that the trip was going to be LONG. That really helped things to smoothly.

Now that I've done this once, I find the idea a lot less intimidating. Now I know that just because Londo might not be able to go somewhere, that doesn't have to stop me from going with the kids. I'm already planning lots of beach trips for next summer!

Question of the Week - What Can You Do Now?

2010-09-28T06:16:00.005-04:00

Before the 3.5 period of disequilibrium gets any worse, I want to write something good about my girl's age! And also the 15 month age of my son, before any disequilibrium strikes!

The caramama family had such a great weekend this weekend (for the most part). Saturday was an especially good day. The four of us had a lovely morning, playing around and cleaning up and setting up for a card game. Then some of Londo's college buddies came over, some with wives and kids.

You see, before kids, we all got together for cards once a month, usually at our house or my husband's BFF's house. We were the first of this group to have a kid, and since the Pumpkin's birth, the regularity of the games had gone way down. But now that other people are having kids, and now that our kids are getting older and a bit more self-sustainable, we are hoping to get back into having regular games.

Mostly, the wives/girlfriends don't play, and that was true before any had kids. One other female college friend and myself are usually the only women playing. And that's been a struggle for Londo and I over the past few years, because one of us either can't go or we take turns watching the kid(s). More often, it was me not going or not playing cards, because this is Londo's group of college friends, although I knew them at college. I would insist that Londo either play the whole time or at least most of the time, because it's an outlet that he really enjoys. Plus I'd be leaving to nurse the babies and try to get them to nap and whatnot.

Anyway, my point is that the games were tough to do over the last 3.5 years.

This past Saturday, we had the game at our house. It is a kid-friendly house, so wives came and a couple other babies came. After everyone got settled in, I put the Pookie down for his nap. At that time, I went with a couple other women on a walk with the Pumpkin and one of the babies. After the walk, it was time for the Pumpkin to have a rest (of course not nap), and so she sat on the couch watching a show while the ladies played with the baby.

And I went and played cards!

As the day continued on, both my kids were in and out of the dining room where the game was, often sitting with us, playing or eating. At one point, the Pumpkin went up to her room and brought down her dress up stuff. She and her brother then played with the dresses, shoes, beaded necklaces, feather boas, etc. at the edge of the dining room while Londo and I gave help here and there and continued playing.

It was really neat! This is how life continues once you are out of the baby stage! This is how you incorporate the kids into your lives as adults! Now that our kids are old enough, we can now get together with our friends and continue to enjoy grown-up activities while they play together and play around us!

So this week's question of the week is:

What can you do now that your kids are the age they are now?

Now that the Pookie is over a year, has been weaned and doesn't even need milk to go to bed, Londo and I take turns putting him to bed. This is such a relief for me. When I put the Pumpkin to bed, I no longer am putting them both to bed (unless Londo is working late or out of town). And a couple of times, Londo has put them both to bed! Not only is this a relief in general, but it also means that I can go away for an upcoming weekend with a girlfriend and possibly my sister!

As for the Pumpkin, she's just capable of so much now. But my favorite? Over the last few months, I've been able to do an amazing thing: Take a nap while my daughter is with me!

Now, let me break this down for you all. Let's say it's just me watching the kids, solo parenting. It's the weekend, and I'm tired. I put the Pookie down for his nap, and he's going to be out for 1.5 hours or more. Ideally, this is the time my daughter, who is NOT going to nap, should be resting. So I put on a TV show, something she hasn't seen a million times so it will actually hold her interest. Maybe I also set her down at the table with puzzles or with those markers that only color on the special paper.

And then? I lie down on the couch and take a little nap! My daughter even pulls up the blanket over me and gives me a kiss. She may wake me up between shows to tell me that one is over or which the next one is, but she generally lets me sleep.

It. Is. Awesome!

This is not something I could really do before. But now that she is old enough to understand what's going on, now that she doesn't need constant attention, now that she does fine playing or watching a show on her own, now that she is used to being around a bunch of kids napping while she stays awake, my taking a nap during the day around her is possible!

What about you guys? What are you able to do now that you couldn't do before? Are you able to do any pre-kid activities? Are your kids a little more self-sufficient? Can you sneak a nap in or hand over a bedtime? What's great about your kids' ages?

Baby's Breath -- In Two Haikus

2010-09-24T15:36:00.002-04:00

Tiny, white buds are
sprinkled across light green stems--
soft, sweet, barely there.

His small, rosy lips
exhale across my bare skin--
soft, sweet, barely there.

Pushing Her Boundries

2010-09-23T12:38:00.005-04:00

We know that it takes my daughter time to transition. Even when the big transitions seem to go smoothly, especially at first, Londo and I are very aware that there are going to be issues. The Pumpkin needs a lot of advance notice and time to adjust to the thought of something new. If it's a big thing, like a new schoool, we plan way ahead (usually). We also know to allow for time after the transition for her to get used to the new situation.

This is the fourth week my daughter will have been at her new school. (Or as she calls it, "Another new school" just to twist the knife in her mama's heart. Heh.) Her teachers say she's doing great. Apparently, she is learning the rules, starting to do the "work," adjusting to the Montessori method, getting along fine with the other kids, and generally doing fine. I'm betting they don't believe me (or probably simply don't even remember that I told them) that the Pumpkin needs time to transition.

So things are going pretty smoothly at school. Guess where the difficulties with the transition are showing up? You know it's at home!

Of course, in addition to the school transition, she's also 3.5, which is supposed to be the start of (yet another) period of disequilibrium. All I know is that things are (yet again) really tough.

She's contantly arguing and being contrary. She's throwing things and specifically doing things she knows she not supposed to. She kicked the dog on purpose. She pulls blankets that the Pookie is holding on to, knowing it will make him fall. And most lovely of all, she's started spitting. Which, it turns out, is one of my hot buttons that I didn't know about until she looked right at me and spit at me this morning! URG!

Londo says that time outs aren't working for him, and they only work for me in the sense that it sometimes gets her out of the downward spiral of bad behavoir that she gets into. It certainly doesn't work as punishment, because it takes some effort, and therefore interaction, for us to keep her in time out. Which turns it into a game for her and just cranks up our seeing-red factor. We are going to have a talk, probably tonight, about what we might actually work for punishments, since we feel she is old enough to get in actual trouble for kicking the dog, throwing things at her brother or spitting at us.

I know, I know, that it's their "job" to test their boundries. This is what pre-schoolers do. I know, I know, that she does this with us because she knows we will love her no matter what, that she feels comfortable enough with us to let out her emotions, have her tantrums and push her boundries.

But frankly, it's exhausting and SOOOO frustrating.

The good thing--actually, the really great thing is that she is so awesome most of the time. She is able to do so much! She's like a little person now, not some baby or toddler. She can think things through, she remembers a ton and notices details, she can play in more imaginative ways and even by herself, she is interested in books and puzzles and arts and crafts, and she is able to have interesting conversations.

She's funny and smart and an amazing child. I want to concentrate on that, but I do still have to vent about those boundries that she pushes. It's her job to push them, I just wish she didn't take her job so seriously and wasn't so darn good at it.

Mama's Boy

2010-09-21T13:43:00.002-04:00

Recently, Londo pointed out that the Pookie is definitely easier for me than for him. We've known this and talked about it before. It's been true since his birth, really. He's just always been a mama's boy.

Of course we are both very attached and bonded with both kids, but this is a different set of relationships. When the Pumpkin goes through clingy phases, she generally clings to either me or Londo. Since she was an infant, either one of us was able to calm her down. But with the Pookie? It's me he wants more often than not.

For example, when the Pookie was just an infant, Londo could not get him to sleep. He tried everything! All the things that worked with the Pumpkin and then some, and yet nothing worked. The boy wanted his mama, and usually to nurse. When I needed to get a chunk of sleep, I would have to nurse that boy into a deep, deep sleep and then very carefully pass him over to Londo who would hold him until he woke up hungry again, giving me a couple of hours by myself until the Pookie settled back into my arms for the rest of the night.

As an older baby and as a toddler now, he still will fuss and fret for Londo way more than me. When I get home from work, walk in the door and pick the boy up, he's as happy as can be. That is often when Londo informs me that he's been fussing non-stop and nothing Londo or even the Pumpkin did could make him happy. At those times, I love to look at my wonderful husband like he's crazy and say, "What are you talking about? He's perfectly happy!" Hehe.

Last night, I had to work late. I got home just barely in time to see my boy before Londo took him in the nursery to get him to sleep. He practically leaped out of Londo's arms into mine, which is his preferred way to get to me. He immediately cuddled all into my shoulder, tucking his arms into my body in just the same way he does when I rock or walk him to sleep. His whole body relaxed into mine. He was happy.

Then I transferred him back to Londo. I still had my work clothes on, and the Pookie was really exhausted, so Londo needed to continue putting him to bed right then. Of course, the boy freaked! out! He screamed at the top of his lungs, and it was really hard for me to not grab him back and tuck him back into my arms. Ah, mother's instinct. But Londo got him to sleep very quickly and easily without me.

It's very sweet to have a child who clings to me like that. It's a special relationship, and it is very heart warming. But it's not without its down side.

About once a week lately, the Pookie is waking up in the middle of the night. It seems to be related to his molars coming through, but it could also be some developmental spurt/regression/wonder week. When he wakes up fully, he requires one of his parents to get him back to sleep, and it takes 1.5 hours.

Many times, Londo goes in first and spends 45 minutes or more (depending on how much he can take and the time of the night) trying to get him back to sleep. If he's not back asleep, Londo gets me to take over. There have been other nights/early mornings when I've gone in the whole 1.5 hour, trying to doze in the glider while holding the boy. I don't think it would work AT ALL for me to go in for some of that time and then get Londo. He would pretty much freak out, because once he has me, he wants only me.

So last night, the Pookie woke up fussing and didn't settle back down. I woke up Londo to go in and get him. Once Londo made his way down to the nursery, I heard the Pookie go from general fussy-crying to screaming! Moments later, Londo comes back into our room.

"He freaked out when I tried to get him. He crawled to the opposite side of the crib, as far from me as possible. When I picked him up anyway, he head-butted me!" Londo said.

I was already getting out of bed. I was exhausted and barely able to move (it was the time of night when I have the most difficulty getting up for any reason, and that's why Londo gets him at that time). But I made my way down the hall and into the nursery.

The minute I stepped into the nursery, the Pookie stopped fussing and held his arms up. He just wanted his mama. Today I'm exhausted and my legs ache for having spent 1.5 hours not-sleeping while rocking in that darn glider. But sometimes the boy just wants his mama. And I'm okay with that.

Question of the Week - Coming to Terms

2010-09-20T11:06:00.002-04:00

Londo and I had a big talk last night about, shall we say, family planning. I'm not going into it, and there was no real final decision made. It was just about talking through where we are in our heads and hearts. When it comes to the heart, there are cases to be made on both sides. When it comes to the head, there are cases to be made on... well really just one side. Even though I have this biological, emotional and mental desire to have three kids, I actually want to want to be done with two.

So we had this really great discussion, laying everything out there. It helped me to start thinking about things differently. Because even though I previously said I'd give it a year or two and focus on how things are currently, I wasn't. I was constantly thinking about how to work another child into our lives. It was an obsessive thought that was detracting from my enjoyment of my life, my relaxation into how things are currently.

And now? Now I think if I could only come to terms with having a family with two kids, everything would be much easier. It may be weird to say it this way, but it's pretty accurate. If I could just let go the desire for another child, blame it on biology and long-held fantasies, it would ease this burden I feel, the stress I feel about not being done. I'm working on it--for now.

This week's question of the week is:

What would make your life easier if you could just come to terms with what's going on?

In another area of my life, I think I would be less stressed if I just came to terms with the fact that I'm not going to get to work before 10. On the rare occassions when it happens? What a nice treat! But otherwise, I need to just accept the fact that the two drop offs, especially the one at the Pumpkin's school which happens between 9:00 and 9:15, are just going to mean that I'm not into work until 10. I need to just be okay with this. We've moved back our dinnertime to 6:00 to fit in with the later time in for me, and we might need to consider making it 6:15 or 6:30 so I can actually be home in time to sit down with everyone. I can't keep getting frustrated about how late I get into work when I know it just isn't going to change.

What about you guys? What do you wish you could come to terms with? What would ease your burden if you could only just accept it? How could you go with the flow to make your life better?

Question of the Week - I Actually Enjoy That!

2010-09-15T17:56:00.000-04:00

I always thought that doing laundry was a big pain in the butt. Having to check the pockets, making sure stains have something sprayed on them, making sure socks are crumpled so that the dirty spots don't get washed, turning t-shirts inside out so the prints don't wear out. All the trips up and down stairs with heavy baskets. Remembering to gather the dirty clothes from the bedsides, bathrooms, front hall, etc. Just a big, pain-in-the-butt chore. And thank goodness my hubby does his own laundry!

But recently, I've actually enjoyed doing the laundry. The cute little girl clothes and underwear and the adorable little boy outfits? SO cute! I don't even mind scrubbing out stains, and I love discovering what's in the little pockets!

This week's question of the week is:
What is something that you didn't think you would like doing for the kids but you actually do like doing?

In addition to laundry, I am really enjoying packing lunches for the Pumpkin! This was something I never thought I would like to do, but I do like it! Shopping for different items to that she will like, thinking up what to put in, and even fixing sandwiches! (She loves chicken salad sandwiches! Who knew there was actually a sandwich she would like? I just need to remember to cover everything in either mayo or butter!) It adds time to my evenings/nights, but it's not bad and it feels good to have all that prep done and lunches ready to go for the morning!

I've been giving it some thought, and I don't think my enjoyment is really from doing the chores. It's that these activities bring out a very maternal feeling in me. This is what a Mom (or Dad) does for her (or his) kids. These are the things that parents do daily/weekly to care for and provide for their children. I'm a mom, and I do my kids' laundry and pack their lunches. I do many other things, but these are two things that I didn't know I would enjoy about being a mom. And I really do.

What about you? Any specific chores you thought would be a pain but turn out to be fun? Do any little chores bring out parental feelings in you? What do you things do you enjoy doing for your kids?

Summer Viruses

2010-09-14T11:54:00.000-04:00

Some days are covered in vomit,
shit and snot. Bacteria and viruses
abound in the adorable petri dishes
who live with me. They ooze putrid
liquids, sticky and stinky. They infect
each other and those nearby. In their
misery, they fuss, whine, cry, cling
spreading their sick germs with
every nuzzle of their soft heads,
every embrace of their sweet arms.

These two are not simply offspring-
genetic carriers of my DNA. They are
my and my love's children, the
miracle of my heart walking outside
my body. Their throw up and diarrhea
do not overwhelm me, do not
disgust me. Their slimy snot and crusty
boogers do not offend me. My mother's
instinct has me reach out to catch
upchucked food remnants. The nessecities
of parenthood have me scrubbing brown
stains from underpants. The familial bond
has me spreading cool cream on red bottoms.

My patience isn't boundless. Sick kids
are trying, frustrating, cranky. They are
up in the middle of the night for hours,
unable to settle comfortably. They require
multiple trips to the doctor and pharmacies-
long waits with restless children, missed
hours from work. They do not eat the healthy
meals cooked with care, turn their noses up
at my hard effort of providing good food.
Nothing feels right, they complain
with words, actions, whines and cries.

They curl their bodies into mine, seeking
soft curves to pillow their achy bodies.
I hold them, carry them, calm them,
love them. I see them through their illnesses.
My heart bursts with love, in health and
in sickness. I take time off work, keep them
home with me. I measure the medicines,
check their temperatures, provide liquids,
clean them up. I am not a doctor, but I
nurse them till they are better, even at
risk of my own health. I wade through the bile,
crap and mucus to get them well again.

Repeated Sicknesses

2010-09-10T10:30:00.003-04:00

Over the last three weeks, the Pookie and the Pumpkin keep getting sick. Especially the Pookie. Three weeks ago on Firday, I got called to pick him up early from school because he had a fever. He got better over the weekend, but I was called the following Thursday because he got a fever again. And then again on the following Thursday! Not to mention that the Pumpkin got a fever between the Pookie's first two, and then this past weekend as well. And of course once her fever was gone, the Pookie threw up... twice... on our seven hour car trip home.

It's especially hard to solo parent when one or both kids are sick. I'm a person who gets stir-crazy sitting around the house for a couple days, so when I was by myself with one sick kid and another with pent-up energy for two weekends in a row? I nearly went mad! Let me just say thank goodness for my parents, who let me bring the sick kids over to their house on that Sunday to just have a change of scenery!

We had brought my daughter in with her first fever to make sure she didn't have strep, which has been going around. She didn't. It was just a summer virus, they said. So I didn't bother to bring in the boy until he got his third fever (second child, you know how it is).

The doctor said he looked fine. No spots or redness in his throat. No stomach issues, breathing issues or ear issues. She asked when he started at the daycare, and reminded me that June was not that long ago. She thinks he is still just adjusting to the daycare environment. And apparently there have been a lot of viruses going around this summer. In addition, the teething probably are having a roll in some of the symptoms of sickness.

As we were talking, she asked about vitamins. I said that we hadn't been doing any vitamins because I had been nursing. But since I just stopped nursing a month ago, I really should get him on them.

Then we both looked at each other. And I said our thoughts out loud, "I just stopped nursing a month ago, and he has come down with multiple fevers and sicknesses since I stopped!"

Hello? Why yes, I have a brain. And sometimes I actually use it!

I decided to keep my brain in gear after that appointment and really think about some things. The boy is teething. Those back two molars on the bottom keep poking through, receding, and then poking through again. Sure it brings on elevated temps, fussiness, extra drool including drool he swallows which can cause runny poops and even throwing up, disrupted sleep, picky eating and constantly having his hand in his mouth.

Back up. I just wrote "constantly having his hand in his mouth." That hand which is touching everything at his daycare, including the things that other kids have had in their mouths and the other kids themselves.

Even though it's frustrating that the little 15 month old guy keeps getting sick (and passing it on to his sister), I'm feeling better because I think I know why. And I don't think it's anything serious. I think it's due to the following combination:
1. He's still adjusting his immune system to the daycare environment.
2. He just stopped nursing a month ago and is more susceptible to germs.
3. Because he is teething, he putting things in his mouth which likely have germs on them.

I'm really glad I got him checked out by the doctor so I know it's nothing serious causing his recurring sickness. Just the normal toddler stuff. But I still hope he stops getting sick all the time. I seriously out of leave time from work! Oh, and because I hate to see him sick, even though he's all cuddly and sweet.

Question of the Week - What Would You Write About?

2010-09-09T09:35:00.006-04:00

Well, it's been a pretty crazy busy time for me. For the majority of the previous three weeks, I have been the solo parent to the two kids, the caretaker of the dog, cat and house (and sometimes the garden, which I didn't kill off thankyouverymuch!), and a worker full time (mostly) out of the house at a really busy time in my project. On top of it all, I'm still trying to be there for my husband, as well as my family and my friends. Add in the sicknesses that seem to be plaguing my house, and, well, I've had little time for writing posts or even reading and commenting on my favorite blogs.

I don't think I'm alone in my business or inability to write about everything that I want to write about. So this week's Question of the Week is:

What have you been planning to or want to write about if you had time (and a blog, for those of you who don't)?

Here are some things I hope to post on soon, but if I don't at least I'm mentioning it here:
- I am feeling pretty amazing about how I'm juggling everything and that I really can be the solo parent to two kids when I need to be.
- My daughter started at the Montessori school, and so far it seems to be going well.
- My son is doing some really fun and amazing things, not to mention he and the things he does are so cute it melts my heart.
- My daughter must have gone through yet another developmental spurt, because she is even more capable and picking up on ideas and concepts that she wouldn't have understood just a couple of months earlier.
- My son keeps getting sick while teething, and I've got some thoughts about why.
- My kids are playing together more and more, and it's awesome.
- When I'm with my husband, we are having amazing sex. Yeah, I said it. And I might say more about it later!
- I took the two kids on the 7 hour car ride to my inlaws house BY MYSELF! (Londo was already down there.) Without a DVD player! And... it went really well!
- Sometimes, my daughter goes to bed without Mommy or Daddy in the room. When the incentive is greater than her need for one of us.
- One of the best decisions Londo and I made for the Pumpkin was to move her out of her old pre-school and put her for the summer in the pre-school where the Pookie is going to daycare. I debated and was unsure, but now that I can look back, I know it was a really great move.
-The hardest part for me (and I think many others) about being a sometimes single parent is finding the co-parenting rhythm again.

I've got more, but I'll leave it there for now. And now I'm going to visit some of my favorite people to try and start participating in the blogging community again (outside of Twitter). I've missed you guys!

How about you guys? Anything major going on? What have you been planning to write but just haven't gotten to? Who's wishing they had a blog just so they could talk about something in their lives? Do you have a long list of things like me or just one or two things you'd like to get off your chest?

Question of the Week - Class is in Session

2010-08-30T09:57:00.002-04:00

I'm so excited for my daughter to start at the Montessori school tomorrow! Wait... tomorrow? YIKES! I'm not ready! Hopefully she is ready. At least mentally and emotionally, because I don't have any of her things ready to go with her.

I was going to take her out to get school supplies this weekend, but the Pookie got sick on Friday afternoon so we stayed in pretty much all weekend. Plus I don't even know what she'll need. I feel like I should know, but juggling one sick kid and one kid with pent-up energy has kept me from checking any school lists and ready all the back-to-school information. Tonight is Back To School night, though, so hopefully they will tell me everything I need to know with enough for me to run by a store and pick up last minute things for the first day.

Luckily, the first day on Tuesday is a half day, so I've been figuring we can go together to the store in the afternoon and get anything she needs. I do love shopping for school supplies! It's almost as much fun as shopping for office supplies. Am I right?

Between the Pumpkin starting at a real pre-school and two of my cousins each having a daughter starting college, my head is totally in school stuff. So this week's question of the week is:

What is your favorite aspect of getting ready to start school in the fall? This could be for yourself when you were younger or for your kids.

I think my favorite back-to-school activity was going shopping with my mom for fall/school clothes (which I still haven't done for my kids!). At the end of every summer, she would take us to get new clothes to start the school year. Even the years when my parents didn't have much money, she would save up and we'd look for sales to buy clothes that fit our growing bodies. Those clothes would have to last through the fall and winter seasons, because we didn't usually go clothes shopping again until late spring/early summer to get shorts, t-shirts and bathing suits. And I relished the opportunity to pick out a wardrobe for the school year.

I also loved (and still love) to pick out school/office supplies. All those pens, pencils, notebooks, scissors, papers, post-it notes... and don't forget the backpacks and lunch boxes!

So, what did you like about getting ready for the school year? Was it seeing your friends again? Picking classes when you were an older kid? Doing that fall shopping? Or do you get more pleasure getting your kids all ready? Organizing areas for school bags or homework? Helping them pick out their first-day-of-school outfit? Simply getting them out of the house so you can have some peace and quiet?

Cancelled: August Get Together for DC Area People

2010-08-27T08:04:00.004-04:00

Update: The get together is cancelled! Sorry, but the people who had actually responded that they could come have had to cancel. Which is actually good for me, because my son is sick (again) and I was having trouble getting childcare coverage. Maybe next time it will work out better!

Don't forget that tomorrow is the DC area get together for the grown ups! We're meeting for lunch at Gordon Biersch in Tyson's Corner II, McLean, VA, at 11:00. Table will be in the name "Cara." Anyone else able to make it? Comment or send me an email so I know if I'm getting the right size table!

When It Rains...

2010-08-25T12:40:00.004-04:00

It's been pouring over here at caramama's house. Not literally. Well, actually literally right at before last week started we had an insane storm with pouring rain, including a brief power outage that happened while the Pumpkin was sitting on the potty in the bathroom without any windows. That was a fun way to start the day.

But this past week was pouring more in the figurative sense. I was just going list what's been going on day-by-day, but it's just depressing me to write it all that way. Let me try to sum it up.

Last Monday, Londo called me at work to talk with me about something that came up at his work. He was asked to manage a project/task that would last a week, but really good for his career, but mean insane hours for 7-8 days straight. As in, out the door before kids are awake and home after they are asleep, working all weekend, long hours. I told him to do it. I could handle a week of kid care by myself, and it would be very worth it for him. I just needed to rearrange my week so I could do drop offs, pick ups, morning care, dinner times bedtimes, and childcare and meals all weekend long. That's all.

(As an aside, wasn't it awesome of him to consult with me before saying yes? Not everyone would have! He's a thoughtful guy, and that's one of the many reasons why I love him.)

So I did the solo parenting thing from last Tuesday at dinnertime until Tuesday morning of this week (aka yesterday). Londo almost always leaves the house before the kids wake up, but Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Monday he didn't get home until after they were in bed. That was tough for everyone, including Londo. He's not used to not seeing his kids for days at a time.

Luckily, he was able to work from home on both Saturday and Sunday. He had business calls, deadlines and long hours in the home office, including working until midnight or later both nights. But at least he was able to let me sleep in on Saturday morning, give me an hour break later that day, feed the kids on Saturday night, and put the Pumpkin to bed on Sunday night.

Those long hours with the kids? Exhausting! Especially with one kid sick. The Pookie threw up Thursday evening as I put him in his highchair. He spewed on everything! Twice! I stuck him in the tub and sprayed him off, cleaned up the highchair enough so that the dog wouldn't keep licking it (why are dogs so gross?), set the Pumpkin in front of the TV and put the baby to bed early. Poor sick boy had also developed a fever and was tired and cranky. Once he was asleep, the Pumpkin and I finished dinner, I put her to bed, I took the highchair outside and hosed it down in the dark, and I rinsed and put in the washer the chair cover, clothes and towels which were all covered in vomit. All the while, I was making frantic calls to family members and friends to find someone to watch the Pookie the next morning. Oh, that was a fun night.

But that wasn't the only health issue I got to deal with during the past week. Oh no. Not the only one at all.

I got a call from my mom on Tuesday saying my 95-year-old Grandma fell and was in the hospital. She was okay and recovering, but she has three broken ribs and needed to be transferred to a nursing home on Saturday while my mom was out of town. The last few years, she's been living with my mom, but my mom can't take care of her, physically or otherwise, with broken ribs and in need of physical therapy.

On Friday morning, the Pumpkin had an appointment with an ENT which I did NOT want to have to reschedule. That was why I frantically called around to find some Friday morning coverage for the Pookie so I could take the Pumpkin to the ENT. I'll write a longer post about that, but the short story is that the Pumpkin's adenoids are enlarged, and we are going to schedule a surgery for October. Wheeee! Actually, this could be a very good thing. But just another thing to deal with.

Meanwhile, we learned that another family member is having a serious health issue. It's not my place to talk about, so I'm not going to discuss any details. But it is not good and affects Londo and I mentally and emotionally, and it will affect the kids and our scheduling. To say nothing of how it affects the family member and other family members.

But the kids and I did have some really good times. When I tweeted that I didn't know how single parents, parents with partners who work long hours or SAH parents do it, I got a response from awakingsleep that said I would find my own single-parenting rhythm. She was absolutely right. And even though I breathed a sigh of relief when the weekend was over and I headed back to work, by the end of the day on Monday I was dying to pick up the kids and see them again and spend time with them again. I will have more solo parenting coming up soon, and--I can't believe I'm going to say this--I'm even looking forward to it a little bit!

Okay, maybe I really have lost my mind. Or maybe I'm delirious with fever. Oh, didn't I mention? Yesterday the Pumpkin came home from school with a fever and is home sick today, luckily being watched by my mom since I have NO time left to take off and hubby has to do his actual regular work. And the Pookie was up for two hours in the middle of the night.

And the hits just keep on coming!

Question of the Week - Thank Your Parents

2010-08-23T22:18:00.002-04:00

We looked into a lot of pre-schools before deciding on the Montessori school where the Pumpkin will start next Tuesday. Londo and I both really felt that this school was the right one for her (despite it not being a nut-free school). But although we think it is the right place to send her, there are some drawbacks for us.

Money is the big one, especially with the application fees, the registration fees and the advanced payment schedule. Whew! That's been tougher than I care to blog about or even hint at to most people. So I'm going to pretend like our finances all just fine and move on to something else.

The school is inconveniently located. For those who live in or are familiar with the DC area, you know that traffic is a HUGE pain. Just getting to work and back can take up way more of your day than should be legal! Add in school drop offs, and it gets more frustrating. Now add in two different drop offs, plus one of those that is 10-15 minutes (depending on lights) further north when you work south, and you start to get what I mean by inconveniently located. We will do it, but it will take more time away from being home with the kids having fun.

Anyway, I said all that to say this... About a month or so ago, I dropped off both kids at their current place and then headed up to the Montessori school to drop off paperwork. As I did that, I was able to foresee what my morning commute is going to be like this fall with the added location. And I thought back to the year I went to private school, about 20 minutes away from my house. Instead of walking to a bus stop and taking the bus to the local public junior high school, my mom drove me to and from the private school every morning and afternoon. Then I started thinking about all the times I missed the public school buses and my mom took me to or from school. And all those activities that I did? She drove me to them, and my sister and brother to theirs. Not to mention all the trips for me to visit with friends, including two of my best friends who lived in the next town up. Wow. My mom did a lot of driving for me.

There I was, driving up to this new school just to drop off the paperwork. I put in my hands-free earpiece, and I called my mom. "Hey, Mom. I'm driving to the Pumpkin's new school and I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for all the driving you did when I was younger, especially to the private school. Thank you for doing that for me." She laughed and said I was welcome and of course she would do those things for me. We talked about how great that private school was, and how I hoped that the Montessori would be a good fit for my daughter.

Then I told her, "I think everyone should have a kid, not just cause kids are wonderful, but so everyone can actually understand what their parents did for them! Having children has been the biggest eye opener for me about things I previously took for granted."

So this week's question of the week is:

Now that you have kids, what do you want to thank your mom or dad for doing for you as a child?

On that same phone call, I once again thanked my mom for putting up with my physical sensitivities. One of my family's stories is about me as a child and my shoes. I could not STAND IT when the socks weren't exactly right or if the shoes were tightened the exact same amount. I would throw a fit. Not because I was some temperamental diva. But because I simply could not leave the house and function unless my socks and shoes were just right. Now I know that at times I have bordered on having Sensory Processing Disorder, but back then I luckily had a very understanding mother.

On that same phone call, after I thanked her once again for putting up with all that, she said she understood because she has skin/physical sensitivities also. And then I realized that I could now see signs of those sensory issues in her as well. In fact, I believe that the search for the perfect nightgown for her continues to this day!

For my dad, I have before, and will again, thank him for treating me like I was capable of doing anything. He did not assume that my sister or me couldn't do the things my brother did just because we were girls. No, he taught us how to fix things and build things. He had me help move the couch and finish dry-walling the basement. He passed on his love of power tools and football to me, which has come in very handy over the years. Having a daughter and a son of my own, I see how it could be easy to treat them differently based on societal expectations of gender, even when it's not reasonable to do so. I'm so glad my dad knew that my sister and I were able to do most things that our brother did, as long as we were interested.

What about you? What did your parents do for you that you wish you could thank them for now? What struggles are you discovering in parenthood that give you new or more respect for what your parents did? Do you call them up and thank them? If not, you totally should.