Thursday, January 7, 2010

She Runs Hot and Cold

After another fabulous night in the caramama household (you all know that's sarcastic, right?), my daughter woke up grumpy. This is not unusual lately, as she is going through some lovely stage of Twoness/almost-Threeness where tantrums abound and rudeness is unabashed. I'm exhausted and depressed (I do so hate the winter), but I'm trying really hard to get up every morning and get myself and the two kids ready for the day. So far, I've been able to do it every weekday (and Londo gives me some weekend days off from morning duty).

But this morning... This morning when I finally got out of bed because both kids were up, we all were in my bathroom starting to get ready. Well, the Pumpkin was playing with the Pookie while I was starting to get ready. I don't remember what set her off--could have been anything, and was probably the mention of needing to change her diaper/pull-up--but the Pumpkin started to fuss and cry and generally begin tantrum behavoir.

I did my usual I'm-here-when-you-are-ready-to-talk thing, but she started telling me to "Go away!" This started a few weeks ago and is now a regular part of her tantrum repetoire. I usually ignore it and go about my business. But this morning, she wanted me to "Go away!" from my own bathroom as I was washing up. That was NOT going to happen, which I explained.

She spent the next 10 minutes or so telling me to "Go away!" or "Leave me alone!" while I continued to get ready. I could just feel the love. Luckily, I don't take offence at this behavoir, but it is still frustrating.

Now, let's fast forward through another meltdown when her pull-up leaked and I had to wash off her legs, move straight through the improving mood as she picked out something to wear (out of options I gave her), and even beyond the smiles we had when I carried both kids downstairs at the same time and laughs at breakfast over the spoon "jumping" into the yogurt cup.

Let's skip to my favorite part of this morning. When the Pumpkin and I finally got into the car and were driving to her school, she asked me, "Mommy, are you my best friend?"

Another phrase she recently added to her regularly-repeated-phrases-depending-on-her-mood is "Are you my friend?" We are all friends in our house. And yes, you can have more than one friend. And yes, we regularly check that everyone is friends with everyone else in our house.

But this was the first time I'd heard her ask if I was her "best" friend. I don't know if she truly gets what it means, but I sure do. So of course I answered, "Yes. I'm your best friend. And you are my best friend." I smiled at her in the rearview mirror, and the smile she returned to me could have light up the entire planet! It surely melted my heart into a puddle of goo.

That's one of those moments that I'm talking about in my header. That's one of the "beautiful shining moments" that I live for. An impossibly bright smile from my best friend.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Nighttime Mother

Originally written in November 2009

She shuffles into the room
with sleepy eyes and a hacking cough. Without a word,
she climbs into our bed, around the dog, and flops
down between her father and me. On my other side
is the baby boy, stirring but drifting
back to sleep.

Her cough is keeping her
awake. She coughs so hard, she throws
up. Now, we are all awake.

We remove the pillow, do some basic
wiping up, make sure she doesn’t have any
on herself. Everyone settles back in. She
snuggles into my side, the baby nursing on my
other side. I bask in the feeling of being mother.

Later, the baby is fussy. I put him in the swing and get
back in bed. She climbs on top of me, laying her
entire body on mine, her head nestled under
my chin, her arms
drapped
on either side of me. Her legs
stretched
along mine.
I wrap my arms around her, and I think
how her entire body once fit
inside of mine.

We drift back to sleep,
entwined together,
mother and daughter.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Question of the Week - Resolved to Do Some Resolutions

It's a new year and a time to make resolutions. There are some I wish I could make, but I know that I don't have the power to change certain things *cough*badsleepers*cough*. Instead, I'm trying to be realistic and set the bar pretty low.

So of course this week's question is:
What are your new year's resolutions?

Over the next year, I hope to:
-Incorporate yoga back into my life more regularly.
-Take an activity/class with each of my kids. (I'm thinking of doing a yoga class with one or both of them, combining this with my previous resolution!)
-Fix up a desk for me at home (and it may take all year to actually get this done).
-Reduce dairy in my diet. (I now realize that going completely without dairy is not feasible for me right now, since chocolate is important to my mental health right now!)
-Find a GP doctor.
-Start posting reviews on my review blog again.

What about you? Any major or minor changes you hope to make? Anything you simply want to get done within the year? How resolved are you?