There was an evening function last night that many of my coworkers went to. I didn't go, as I'm too tired and had just gotten back from my trip. But one of my coworkers told me this morning about a conversation they had during the dinner portion of the evening, a conversation in which I played a prominent role.
Of the four women I work with, three have been pregnant at least once. But the fourth is fresh out of college and does not have kids. The topic of pregnancy came up, since one of the three women with kids is pregnant again. The fourth woman mentioned that she is nervous about ever getting pregnant because it does not sound like a good experience. Pretty much everyone there said that's because she was talking to me too much (she and I often walk to the deli together because we eat at the same time of day). They assured her that not all pregnacies are as rough as mine, and that I particularly don't enjoy being pregnant.
It's so true. In fact, it's more than dislike. I realized this time that I hate being pregnant. It's hard for me to get pregnant and be pregnant. I also don't love the infant/baby stage. But I do LOVE the toddler and young kids stage. I really think I'll even enjoy the older kid, preteen and teen stages. And I really do love being a mom and having a family. But the pregnancy? Notsomuch.
Considering how long it took us to get pregnant with the Pumpkin, what we had to go through to get pregnant each time and how badly I wanted to BE pregnant, I really thought I would be a happy, excited pregnant woman who enjoyed even all the difficults of being pregnant. But I didn't and don't. Fortunately, I'm okay with that.
Because the goal for Londo and me was never to BE pregnant or to have a BABY. It was to have a CHILD(REN), to RAISE a child(ren). So I try to focus on that and remember that pregnancy is just a means to an end. I am going to try to stop complaining too much in front of my coworkers, although I always tell them it's just me and I don't like being pregnant and I'm having a rough pregnancy and that I know plenty of other people who had easy pregnacies and enjoyed being pregnant.
Instead, I'm going to list out a bunch of complaints here and hope that I can get it out of my system. I'm not sure I can get it all out of my system, considering I still have a little over 2 months to go. But if you all don't want to hear me complain, you can click away. Although I'd rather have you join in so I don't feel like such a miserable person who hates the beauty of being the vessel of the child.
1. After 6 months of nausea, I'm finally mostly over it. I was lucky in that I didn't constantly throw up, but the constant nauseousness and smells bothering me and difficulty eating foods was pretty miserable. I love food! With the Pumpkin, I was really only nauseous in my first trimester. This time, it went on and on. It really sucked.
2. A fun game my husband likes to play is asking whether or not I peed my pants after I've sneezed, laughed hard, coughed, gaged (especially when brushing my teeth--isn't that fun?), who know's what else! Maybe I did, or maybe I was able to hold my legs together in time for the sneeze. I'm just saying: Thank goodness for pantiliners.
3. I ache everywhere, all the time. I ache when I sit, stand, walk, lie down, move, stay still. I can't kneel at all, and I can barely bend over to do my shoes and socks or wash my feet in the shower or even put on pants! My joints have never been that great (bad knee, bad hip, TMJ, etc.), but with the extra weight and loosening of joints and muscles, I am not in good shape. Ugh.
4. The glucous screen test sucked. I love sugary foods and drinks, but that orange crap is disgusting! It was especially hard to drink (within 5 minutes) while I was so nauseous, too! Luckily, I've not gotten a message that says I didn't pass.
5. Although my hair seems to have stopped it's normal falling out, it does not shine or glow or look rich and luxurious. It's still frizzy and full of split ends. Of course, this may be due more to the fact that I'm way overdue for a hair cut (I'm embarrassed to say how long it's been). Hmmm. I think I'll make an appointment right now, now that I'm not too nauseous to stand the smells of a salon. (Wooo hooo! Appointment next Tuesday!)
6. My skin did not get magically beautiful with pregnancy. I still break out, and now I'm getting weird bumps in different places on my body. I hate bumps. They really bother me, but what can you do?
7. Oh, pregnancy insomnia! How I hate thee! It's hard enough to get good sleep in my house, what with the existing child who doesn't sleep well. Thank goodness for Tylenol PM, which helps with the aches and pains at night and helps me get a really good chunk of sleep and helps me fall back asleep when I wake up to roll over or to go to the bathroom.
8. Speaking of the bathroom, I'm now at the point where I have to pee every hour or two. I find this exceptionally annoying, since I have been called a camel for how long I can wait to use the bathroom--especially on car trips. The 4 legs of the car trip down to Atlanta which should have been 5 hours each? Turned into 6 hours each with a minimum of 3 stops on each leg for me to use the restroom! And recently? There have been times when I'll use the bathroom, go do something for 5 minutes or so (like brush my teeth), and then I have to GO AGAIN! It's insane!
9. The tiredness does not end for me. I'm so constantly tired, but I don't get to nap during work days. There was no burst of energy for me, and as I've mentioned, the winter was particularly rough for me. I'm just so freaking tired all the time. There is no way I can keep up with my toddler. Luckily, I'm getting good at coming up with games to play with her where I get to sit. Lately, she LOVES to color, which suits me perfectly.
10. My stomach is totally in the way. I have trouble reaching sinks, which makes it hard to do dishes (and kills my back), washing my face, and just cleaning things off in a sink. I can't reach things that used to be in my reach (and I'm short, so I barely reach much anyway). It's harder and harder to hold my (34.5 pound) toddler, who is a great cuddler and often wants to be held.
11. I miss my high heels and rings. I had to ditch the heels for flat, sensible (but still nice looking) shoes pretty early on. My beautiful, cute, 3-4 inch heels! I miss you! And I also haven't been able to wear my wedding rings. Before we left for Atlanta last week, I tried one last time to put them on so I could look like a married pregnant woman at the wedding. After trying to jam them on my finger, I held up my hand to show my husband what I was doing, pout on my face, and he noted that my finger was turning purple. They hadn't been on more than a minute, and I never did get them on all the way. Last pregnancy, I bought a fake band to wear, but this time I'm not bothering. I love my rings, and I just miss them.
Well, that's all I'll complain about for now. I do think it's so funny how big my belly is and how my butt jiggles now. I also really like how nice everyone is to me when pregnant. People really go out of their way to help me or just be nice to me. It's really a great part of this experience. I can eat all sorts of good stuff (now that I'm not nauseous) that I would limit myself on when not pregnant. And there are other good parts, but I'm currently too tired and achy to think about them.
Tonight, I'm going to take a nice, long bath in which I hope to forget how uncomfortable I am and enjoy a good romance novel. Too bad I can't get a nap in right now...
