I Can't Count Them Without Remembering

I have two children. Two wonderful, beautiful, healthy, happy children. My two little kids who bring me so much joy (and so little sleep). My first child, the Pumpkin, is 2.75 years old; my second child, the Pookie, is 6 months old.

But every time I say my "first" and my "second," I think, "well, not exactly..."

I've already written my miscarriage story, and it helped a lot to write it and put it out there. Time has helped heal the wound of the miscarriage, though I know I'll ever completely get over it.

Still, I'm surprised by how and when it comes up in my mind. I expect it around the anniversary of the due date. But I hadn't expected to think about that baby who wasn't (which is how I think of that baby) every time I call the Pumpkin my "first" child or the Pookie my "second" child.

I was very careful never to label my pregnancies with the Pumpkin or the Pookie as my first or second, because they truly were my second and third pregnancies. But my children really are my first and second children, because the baby who wasn't simply... well... wasn't.

Yet, every time I count them in that way--my first, my second--I think, "well, except for..." And I'm surprised. And of course a bit sad. And I wonder if I will always think of the baby who wasn't when I count my children. And I worry that I won't.

On the Contrary

I recently mentioned some of the fun we are having with the Pumpkin being Two. Well, I'm finding the contrariness to be confusing at times.

Usually, it goes something like this:
caramama: Pumpkin, I've got to put my shirt on.
Pumpkin: No, that's not your shirt! That's Daddy's shirt!
caramama: It's my shirt. It's just a button down, like Daddy's shirts.
Pumpkin: NO! That's DADDY'S shirt!
caramama: It does look like Daddy's shirts, but it's mine.
Pumpkin: NOOOOO! IT'S DADDY'S SHIRT!
caramama: Fine. Whatever.

But the other morning, she asked for apple-flavored yogurt. I got her the yogurt out of the fridge, and she opened it and stirred it up. (I LOVE that she can do so much by herself these days!) She took a bite and the conversation that followed went like this:

Pumpkin: That's not apple. That's pear.
caramama: That's apple, honey.
Pumpkin: No, it's not apple. It's pear.
caramama: It's apple.
Pumpkin: No. It's pear.

And I stopped arguing because why bother. But maybe I should have been tipped off by the fact that she didn't start getting louder but just asserted that it was pear in a normal voice. Because a minute later I walked over the the table and happened to look at the yogurt.

Guess what? It was pear! I laughed and told her she was right.

The real issue is now going to become when is she actually telling the truth and when is she just being contrary to be contrary? Especially since the "truth" is apparently so nebulous at this age. And by "this age" I mean 33 as well as 2. Hehe.

Growing Boy

The Pookie is growing. He turned 6 months yesterday, and that's a big milestone in the life of babies. A big milestone for growing. There is a 6-month growth spurt. There is a developmental (growth) spurt around the 6-month mark. And there are teeth growing in--well about to come in anyway.

Growing, growing, growing. And growing physically requires more to eat. And growing developmentally requires comfort. And growing in teeth requires pain-easement. And in a breastfeeding relationship, all these things generally boil down to nursing for nurishment, comfort and to ease any pains.

And do you know what my baby boy loves above all else in the world even when everything is hunky dory? To NURSE! Yes, he does.

So can you guess what we are doing all. the. freaking. time? You got it. Nursing.

But remember how Mommy goes to work all day long? Yeah, it's causing some problems. The two major ones being:
1. I'm not pumping enough to cover what he is eating during the day. This means my precious freezer stash is running precariously low. It also means that I am going to have to start pumping more at work and/or at home. Ugh.
2. The baby boy basically wants to nurse all night long. Nothing else will do.

I remember when the Pumpkin went through these stages where she'd nurse all night long. It was frustrating and tiring and hard on me, and it is right now as well. But I know that it's just a phase, and I can already see he's grown physically and developmentally. The teeth haven't come in yet, but they will. This phase will end.

Until then, we are working on other methods of nurishment and comfort for him. We've started him on solids, using the baby-led weaning/feeding method we did with the Pumpkin. So far, we've given him avacodos and bananas. He has no idea what to do with the food, but he'll figure it out. He seems to enjoy tasting the foods, even though he doesn't swallow anything.

I'm also starting to try and help him discover his hand/fingers to suck on at night, instead of my nipples. He used to take the pacifier at least a little, but is now rejecting it completely. So instead, I'm hoping he learns to self-soothe with an arm and hand unswaddled. We'll see.

On the bright side of all the growing, he is now rolling over back-to-front and front-to-back with abandon. Although not yet crawling, he is shifting, rolling and squirming all around. He's getting really close to staying sitting up on his own. He's really capable with his hands and manipulating all sorts of things with hands and fingers.

Also, his careless babbling has now become very deliberate attempts at making noises and trying to talk ("di DI da da DA"). And he is usually laughing and smiling and generally pretty easy and happy. As long as he's well-rested and well-fed. He loves watching his sister and his dog, and he's starting to be fun to interact with for them too!

Question of the Week - Don't Jinx It!

Today, the Pookie is 6 months old! I can't believe it's been half of a year since we've had him in our lives and we've been a family of four (six, if you count the animals). Happy Half-Birthday to the Pookie!

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On Friday, I was talking on the phone with Londo. Something about the Pumpkin's sleeping came up, and Londo mentioned that since she turned two, she has mostly been sleeping through the night in her own bed. I've discussed before how she doesn't always and what our parenting stance is on that, but I'd say about 2/3s to 3/4s of her nights since she turned two have been her sleeping through on her own.

Anyway, Londo dared to say the words out loud! And added that she's been sleeping through all the time lately! I quickly said, "Don't say it! You'll jinx it!"

Londo responded, "I don't believe it'll jinx it. It's not like this is football. She's either going to sleep well or not, regardless of whether we talk about it."

Now I'd like to point out three things:
1. Londo totally believes that random things people do or say WILL jinx a football game, team or player.
2. Friday night? The Pumpkin woke up from bad dreams before midnight and spent a rough, unsettled night in our bed. Therefore, the jinx happened (and I totally blame Londo).
3. Now that I've written about it, I am fully aware that I've jinxed it and she'll certainly be up tonight.

So this week's question of the week is:
What jinxes do you believe in?

While I roll my eyes at wearing a sports hat a certain way because it will affect a game, I totally believe that talking about good sleep means the end of it. I've just seen it happen time and time again. Of course, with my bad sleepers, it probably would happen anyway, but I try not to chance it.

How about you? Do you think you can jinx something? What do you do to ensure your favorite sports team wins?