I've been a parent for just over 7 years now. It's been wonderful. And a pain in my butt. And rewarding. And madness-inducing. And everything in between.
I've strived to be honest about what parenthood has been like to me. On this blog, I spent years writing about the good, the bad and the ugly. In real life and on Facebook, I share the joy and the pain. After all, being a parent is not easy, and anyone who says different is either a liar, delusional, a bad parent or extremely lucky (possibly all of those).
During the early years, the baby years, I struggled. But I kept thinking that it would get easier. That we'd get through the developmental and growth spurts and make it to the other side. The thing is, there is no other side. Just as life itself is really a circle, a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, so is parenthood.
I now have a 7 year old and an almost 5 year old. It's not easier to parent them, but it is different in so many ways. Their personalities don't change, but what they are dealing with and how they act do change.
There are different challenges to having a 7-year-old girl who gives me sass than the challenges of her looking at me defiantly while doing what I just told her not to do when she was a toddler. There are different challenges to having an almost-5-year-old boy who says I'm a mean mommy because I make him take a bath than the challenges of him throwing a tantrum and trying push me away when he needed his diaper changed.
What I've come to realize is that it's all variations on a theme. Their themes. So it doesn't necessarily get easier to parent them as they get older, but the challenges changes. The dynamics change. The tricks and techniques I and Londo use as parents have to adapt.
And though I believe it is so important to talk about the difficulties and not paint parenthood in some unrealistic way, I also believe it's vital to keep in mind the wonderful aspects of being a parent.
My daughter still is an amazing communicator and loves to snuggle up to us, just like when she was a toddler. My son still tells me how much he loves me and is great at puzzles and putting like things together, just like when he was a toddler.
We still deal with developmental regressions (and corresponding leaps forward) on a quarterly basis with both kids. And though the regressions are and always will be frustrating, the leaps forward are incredible! The things they can do now! It's just amazing!
So, no, it isn't easier. But it is still absolutely worth every second of the ups and downs to watch these wonderful kids of mine grow, develop and learn.
Showing posts with label development. Show all posts
Showing posts with label development. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Going to Sleep on Their Own!
I have news! HUGE news! (No, I'm not pregnant.)
Last night, both of my kids went to bed on their own, with their doors shut, without a parent even sitting in the hallway!!!!
Why yes, my daughter is now 5.5 years old and my son is over 3. And no, I do not want to hear about how someone else's kids have been doing that since they were infants. Mine have struggled with going to sleep and sleep in general.
Although I hesitate to talk or write about any good sleep/going to sleep situations in our house since doing so always seems to jinx it, I really wanted to include this one good night on my (mostly inactive) blog. Considering the YEARS we've struggled with bedtimes and nighttimes and all the posts I've written to keep my sanity about things related to sleep (or lack thereof), I figured if there was any reason to write a third post this year, LAST NIGHT was the reason!
With the Pumpkin, we have had to make a very slow transition to just get out of her room while she goes to sleep. I think the Pookie would have transitioned quicker to going to sleep on his own, but since we had to stay with his sister, he wanted the same. We have made small steps, slowly progressing from nursing them to sleep, to rocking them to sleep, to lying down with them and signing, sitting next to their beds, sitting in their doorways, to actually one person sitting in the hall while they both go to sleep in their beds!
That last one was HUGE for us! It also freed us up a bit, since one person could sit in the hall reading or playing on the iPhone/iPad while they both went to sleep. Londo has been able to take a gym class twice a week at night, and I've joined an adult chorus once a week and still go to book club once a month.
But lately in my opinion (opinions differ in our house on this), the Pookie has seemed to need more sleep. He wakes up early and won't go back to sleep, so I have insisted that we start putting him to bed earlier than his sister. (Let's skip the parental disagreements here...) But I wanted to make sure we could put him to bed earlier and still maintain that bit of indepence we have in the evenings when one of us can actually go out and do something while the other puts the kids to bed, without causing the bedtime parent to sit in the hall for hours. My solution was to get the Pookie to go to sleep on his own with his door closed.
Apparently, Londo and I were on the same page about how the Pookie could go to sleep. Three nights ago, while I was at chorus, Londo did the bedtime routine, gave the Pookie a kiss, told him he had to check on the Pumpkin, shut the Pookie's door, tucked in the Pumpkin, went back to check on the Pookie like 5 minutes later and the Pookie was asleep.
Not even knowing that, two nights ago while Londo was at his gym, I did the bedtime routine, kissed the Pookie and explained that his sister was still doing something that might be noisy so I needed to close his door for him to go to sleep. I told him that big boys go to sleep with their doors closed (he wants to be big and strong lately) and that he was so capable that I thought he could do it! He was pushing back a little, but then I went with offering a reward, which often works with him. I told him he could have a special treat if he tried it. He said, "Okay. I can try it."
And guess what? He did it!
I sat in the hall while his door was shut and while the Pumpkin had her door open as she practiced writing and reading. I made sure she saw me there the whole time, so she knew that I was there even if the door was shut. When it was time for her to go to bed, I asked her if she wanted her door shut, and she said, "No. I like it the way it is every night."
I said in a tentative, tired voice, "Okay." And she asked why I said okay like that. I was trying to come up with an explanation when she said something along the lines of me thinking she should have the door shut. I explained that some day, she would need to be able to go to sleep by herself with her door shut. She said she understood, but she did not offer to do it that night. She went to sleep in her room with the door open while I sat in the hall.
But the next day, when she heard about and saw the Pookie get his extra piece of Halloween candy for going to sleep by himself with his door shut, she wanted to try it! So last night, the Pookie went to bed by himself again! And then, Londo put the Pumpkin in her room, kissed her and closed the door.
Within minutes, she was back in our room. I thought, "there goes that!" BUT, she just came out to tell her dad that it wasn't as scary as she thought it would be! And Londo pointed out that we were right in the room next door, doing exactly what we had been doing when the Pookie went to bed by himself.
She went back to bed and went to sleep! On her own! With her door shut!
Plus we started a rule a few weeks ago that neither kid can come into our room and bed at night until we open the door. We stay up watching TV or spending time together with the door shut. When we go to bed, we open the door. The Pookie almost never comes to our room before we go to bed anyway, and the Pumpkin is getting better about it. In fact, a couple nights ago, when we reminded her that she needed to go back to her own room, she went back in and went to sleep by herself (after a potty break)!
So nighttimes are going better in the caramama household! I have hope! At least until the next regression, when all bets are out the window!
Last night, both of my kids went to bed on their own, with their doors shut, without a parent even sitting in the hallway!!!!
Why yes, my daughter is now 5.5 years old and my son is over 3. And no, I do not want to hear about how someone else's kids have been doing that since they were infants. Mine have struggled with going to sleep and sleep in general.
Although I hesitate to talk or write about any good sleep/going to sleep situations in our house since doing so always seems to jinx it, I really wanted to include this one good night on my (mostly inactive) blog. Considering the YEARS we've struggled with bedtimes and nighttimes and all the posts I've written to keep my sanity about things related to sleep (or lack thereof), I figured if there was any reason to write a third post this year, LAST NIGHT was the reason!
With the Pumpkin, we have had to make a very slow transition to just get out of her room while she goes to sleep. I think the Pookie would have transitioned quicker to going to sleep on his own, but since we had to stay with his sister, he wanted the same. We have made small steps, slowly progressing from nursing them to sleep, to rocking them to sleep, to lying down with them and signing, sitting next to their beds, sitting in their doorways, to actually one person sitting in the hall while they both go to sleep in their beds!
That last one was HUGE for us! It also freed us up a bit, since one person could sit in the hall reading or playing on the iPhone/iPad while they both went to sleep. Londo has been able to take a gym class twice a week at night, and I've joined an adult chorus once a week and still go to book club once a month.
But lately in my opinion (opinions differ in our house on this), the Pookie has seemed to need more sleep. He wakes up early and won't go back to sleep, so I have insisted that we start putting him to bed earlier than his sister. (Let's skip the parental disagreements here...) But I wanted to make sure we could put him to bed earlier and still maintain that bit of indepence we have in the evenings when one of us can actually go out and do something while the other puts the kids to bed, without causing the bedtime parent to sit in the hall for hours. My solution was to get the Pookie to go to sleep on his own with his door closed.
Apparently, Londo and I were on the same page about how the Pookie could go to sleep. Three nights ago, while I was at chorus, Londo did the bedtime routine, gave the Pookie a kiss, told him he had to check on the Pumpkin, shut the Pookie's door, tucked in the Pumpkin, went back to check on the Pookie like 5 minutes later and the Pookie was asleep.
Not even knowing that, two nights ago while Londo was at his gym, I did the bedtime routine, kissed the Pookie and explained that his sister was still doing something that might be noisy so I needed to close his door for him to go to sleep. I told him that big boys go to sleep with their doors closed (he wants to be big and strong lately) and that he was so capable that I thought he could do it! He was pushing back a little, but then I went with offering a reward, which often works with him. I told him he could have a special treat if he tried it. He said, "Okay. I can try it."
And guess what? He did it!
I sat in the hall while his door was shut and while the Pumpkin had her door open as she practiced writing and reading. I made sure she saw me there the whole time, so she knew that I was there even if the door was shut. When it was time for her to go to bed, I asked her if she wanted her door shut, and she said, "No. I like it the way it is every night."
I said in a tentative, tired voice, "Okay." And she asked why I said okay like that. I was trying to come up with an explanation when she said something along the lines of me thinking she should have the door shut. I explained that some day, she would need to be able to go to sleep by herself with her door shut. She said she understood, but she did not offer to do it that night. She went to sleep in her room with the door open while I sat in the hall.
But the next day, when she heard about and saw the Pookie get his extra piece of Halloween candy for going to sleep by himself with his door shut, she wanted to try it! So last night, the Pookie went to bed by himself again! And then, Londo put the Pumpkin in her room, kissed her and closed the door.
Within minutes, she was back in our room. I thought, "there goes that!" BUT, she just came out to tell her dad that it wasn't as scary as she thought it would be! And Londo pointed out that we were right in the room next door, doing exactly what we had been doing when the Pookie went to bed by himself.
She went back to bed and went to sleep! On her own! With her door shut!
Plus we started a rule a few weeks ago that neither kid can come into our room and bed at night until we open the door. We stay up watching TV or spending time together with the door shut. When we go to bed, we open the door. The Pookie almost never comes to our room before we go to bed anyway, and the Pumpkin is getting better about it. In fact, a couple nights ago, when we reminded her that she needed to go back to her own room, she went back in and went to sleep by herself (after a potty break)!
So nighttimes are going better in the caramama household! I have hope! At least until the next regression, when all bets are out the window!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Now That He's Tasted Freedom...
Londo and I have been tossing around the idea of converting the Pookie's crib to a toddler bed. But when the Pookie wakes up in the morning, he sits in his crib for 30 minutes or more playing. He's confined and happy. I have time to get up and get ready before he's calling for me to get him. And it's hard to change something that's been working so well.
Or had been.
Over Thanksgiving at my inlaws, the Pookie slept in a pack 'n play in a guest room, as he always does. We set it up where we always do, next to the guest bed. It has a lovely wrought iron headboard and footboard, with the footboard about a foot away from the pack 'n play.
Can you guess where I'm going with this?
During the visit, the Pookie figured out how to climb out of the crib. He put a leg over the top and used the footboard to pull himself out. He showed us himself how he did it.
The pack 'n play is so low that it wasn't a problem. But we were concerned about what would happen when we got home and he was in his tall crib.
The first night back, it was too late and I was too tired to figure anything out. So I just rocked him to sleep and put him in his crib as usually. He slept through the night, woke up and started playing in his crib. So I got up and went to wash up, leaving the monitor with Londo.
A little while later, Londo hurried into the bathroom to let me know he was going to get the Pookie. He said that he heard the Pookie over the monitor say, "I get down."
Londo rushed into the nursery to see the Pookie with one leg going over the crib rail. He put the Pookie's ankle back on the inside of the crib. And then got him out of the crib.
And that was the end of the crib.
We converted the crib into a toddler bed, and the Pookie's been transitioning. We've all been transitioning. It's not been easy.
The first night, he was up in the 2:00 hour. I tried to get him back to sleep for an hour and a half, and then I just brought him in bed with us. The Pumpkin was already there anyway. He woke up early, too.
Londo and I have never minded having the kids (and dog and cat) in our bed. It's the main reason we got a king-sized bed. But the rule is that anyone in our bed has to let the others sleep. The Pookie is still learning that rule.
But he is learning. When he wakes up early in the night, he's pretty good about falling back asleep with us. On top of me if the Pumpkin is cuddled next to me, because he's such a mama's boy he has to be close to me.
But when he wakes up at 5:00 or later, he is pretty much awake and trying to play with us or get us up. So I've been teaching him that if he's awake and wants to play, "Where do you go?" He now answers that with, "In my room." And I say, "Go on then." And? He does!
Overall, we've been up early a lot this past week and had some rough nights of sleep. We didn't think this transition would be easy, and boy were we right!
I'll end on a good note, though. Last night, the Pumpkin came in our room in the 2:00 hour, going right to sleep in between Londo and me, not even waking me. The Pookie toddled in our room right about 4:00. He climbed into bed easily enough, and he tried to get comfortable. But he could not get comfortable or settle down.
When he actually sat up and started to look around--for something to get into, no doubt--that's when I said, "Are you awake and want to play?" and after I asked about where he should go to play, he heads off to his room. I fell back asleep.
The other morning that he was up that early and playing in his room, every half hour he would come in to check in on me and see if I was ready to get up. It was disrupted sleep, but it was better then not sleeping at all.
I thought he would do that again. But instead of getting woken up a bunch of times, I woke up when my alarm went off at 6:30. I bolted out of bed, my first thought being what the heck had the boy been up to for the last 2 and a half hours!
I didn't hear anything, so I tiptoed down the hall. I didn't hear anything through the door, so I very quietly eased the door open.
I could barely believe my eyes. The Pookie was sleeping sweetly in his toddler bed, his Cars blanket pulled up around him. Asleep! Back in HIS OWN BED! Which he went to and got in by HIMSELF!
I didn't know kids really did that. And I certainly don't expect it to ever happen again. But it was pretty cool. Who knows what will happen tonight.
So now, every night before I go to sleep I ask myself, "I wonder which kid will come to bed with us first tonight?" It's a sweet thought and a neat place to be in our parenting.
Or had been.
Over Thanksgiving at my inlaws, the Pookie slept in a pack 'n play in a guest room, as he always does. We set it up where we always do, next to the guest bed. It has a lovely wrought iron headboard and footboard, with the footboard about a foot away from the pack 'n play.
Can you guess where I'm going with this?
During the visit, the Pookie figured out how to climb out of the crib. He put a leg over the top and used the footboard to pull himself out. He showed us himself how he did it.
The pack 'n play is so low that it wasn't a problem. But we were concerned about what would happen when we got home and he was in his tall crib.
The first night back, it was too late and I was too tired to figure anything out. So I just rocked him to sleep and put him in his crib as usually. He slept through the night, woke up and started playing in his crib. So I got up and went to wash up, leaving the monitor with Londo.
A little while later, Londo hurried into the bathroom to let me know he was going to get the Pookie. He said that he heard the Pookie over the monitor say, "I get down."
Londo rushed into the nursery to see the Pookie with one leg going over the crib rail. He put the Pookie's ankle back on the inside of the crib. And then got him out of the crib.
And that was the end of the crib.
We converted the crib into a toddler bed, and the Pookie's been transitioning. We've all been transitioning. It's not been easy.
The first night, he was up in the 2:00 hour. I tried to get him back to sleep for an hour and a half, and then I just brought him in bed with us. The Pumpkin was already there anyway. He woke up early, too.
Londo and I have never minded having the kids (and dog and cat) in our bed. It's the main reason we got a king-sized bed. But the rule is that anyone in our bed has to let the others sleep. The Pookie is still learning that rule.
But he is learning. When he wakes up early in the night, he's pretty good about falling back asleep with us. On top of me if the Pumpkin is cuddled next to me, because he's such a mama's boy he has to be close to me.
But when he wakes up at 5:00 or later, he is pretty much awake and trying to play with us or get us up. So I've been teaching him that if he's awake and wants to play, "Where do you go?" He now answers that with, "In my room." And I say, "Go on then." And? He does!
Overall, we've been up early a lot this past week and had some rough nights of sleep. We didn't think this transition would be easy, and boy were we right!
I'll end on a good note, though. Last night, the Pumpkin came in our room in the 2:00 hour, going right to sleep in between Londo and me, not even waking me. The Pookie toddled in our room right about 4:00. He climbed into bed easily enough, and he tried to get comfortable. But he could not get comfortable or settle down.
When he actually sat up and started to look around--for something to get into, no doubt--that's when I said, "Are you awake and want to play?" and after I asked about where he should go to play, he heads off to his room. I fell back asleep.
The other morning that he was up that early and playing in his room, every half hour he would come in to check in on me and see if I was ready to get up. It was disrupted sleep, but it was better then not sleeping at all.
I thought he would do that again. But instead of getting woken up a bunch of times, I woke up when my alarm went off at 6:30. I bolted out of bed, my first thought being what the heck had the boy been up to for the last 2 and a half hours!
I didn't hear anything, so I tiptoed down the hall. I didn't hear anything through the door, so I very quietly eased the door open.
I could barely believe my eyes. The Pookie was sleeping sweetly in his toddler bed, his Cars blanket pulled up around him. Asleep! Back in HIS OWN BED! Which he went to and got in by HIMSELF!
I didn't know kids really did that. And I certainly don't expect it to ever happen again. But it was pretty cool. Who knows what will happen tonight.
So now, every night before I go to sleep I ask myself, "I wonder which kid will come to bed with us first tonight?" It's a sweet thought and a neat place to be in our parenting.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
To Tell the Truth
The Pumpkin has a very active imagination. She loves to make up songs, stories, names and, well, everything. She is taking drama class again this year, and she loves to pretend to be things. Most often lately she's wanted to pretend to be a teacher and I am the mom teacher, which is a cute idea.
She also loves to be silly and does things just to make people laugh. Part of her silliness is making up funny things, combining her love of thinking up things and being silly. She comes up with all sorts of things, and I'm constantly amused, as is Londo and the Pookie.
But it can be hard to figure out exactly what to believe sometimes. I know what she makes up when I'm right there (she is not really marrying her brother), and I can also guess quite a bit of what's made up about school (they do not have a classroom horse so they can learn about taking care of horses). But sometimes there are stories she tells that I don't know if they are true or not.
And just to keep me completely confused, she either doesn't understand the concept of "true" or thinks it means something it doesn't. Because after she told me the story about the classroom horse? She looked at me, nodded her head and said, "It's true." One time she even said, "True story"! Kids these days learn that internet speak early!
One thing that drives Londo crazy is when people lie to him. So he's worked to explain what is true versus what is a lie to the Pumpkin for years. She either isn't getting it or is pushing her boundries to see what stories she can get away with. Either way, it can be frustrating for all involved.
If we can't believe her when she says something is true, then it become really hard to trust that she's doing what she should be. For example, if we ask if she washed her hands after she used the potty, we've heard her insist she has even though we saw her NOT do it. But other times, she insists to the point of tears that she has and we don't know if she has or not, which must be extremely frustrating for her if she really is telling the truth.
I always keep in mind a phrase one commenter on Ask Moxie who was a teacher would say to her students' parents: I'll believe half of what the kids say happen at home if you believe half of what they say happen at school.
I know it's a normal development phase, and the book Nurture Shock claimed that the ability to lie shows intelligence in children. But it's still frustration.
On the bright side, she does have an amazing imagination and tells very interesting stories and comes up with very creative games. That's the part I concentrate on, even when she tells me that she truly had the toy first, not her brother, when I know she didn't. Who knows what that girl of mine is going to come up in her life? I can't wait to find out.
She also loves to be silly and does things just to make people laugh. Part of her silliness is making up funny things, combining her love of thinking up things and being silly. She comes up with all sorts of things, and I'm constantly amused, as is Londo and the Pookie.
But it can be hard to figure out exactly what to believe sometimes. I know what she makes up when I'm right there (she is not really marrying her brother), and I can also guess quite a bit of what's made up about school (they do not have a classroom horse so they can learn about taking care of horses). But sometimes there are stories she tells that I don't know if they are true or not.
And just to keep me completely confused, she either doesn't understand the concept of "true" or thinks it means something it doesn't. Because after she told me the story about the classroom horse? She looked at me, nodded her head and said, "It's true." One time she even said, "True story"! Kids these days learn that internet speak early!
One thing that drives Londo crazy is when people lie to him. So he's worked to explain what is true versus what is a lie to the Pumpkin for years. She either isn't getting it or is pushing her boundries to see what stories she can get away with. Either way, it can be frustrating for all involved.
If we can't believe her when she says something is true, then it become really hard to trust that she's doing what she should be. For example, if we ask if she washed her hands after she used the potty, we've heard her insist she has even though we saw her NOT do it. But other times, she insists to the point of tears that she has and we don't know if she has or not, which must be extremely frustrating for her if she really is telling the truth.
I always keep in mind a phrase one commenter on Ask Moxie who was a teacher would say to her students' parents: I'll believe half of what the kids say happen at home if you believe half of what they say happen at school.
I know it's a normal development phase, and the book Nurture Shock claimed that the ability to lie shows intelligence in children. But it's still frustration.
On the bright side, she does have an amazing imagination and tells very interesting stories and comes up with very creative games. That's the part I concentrate on, even when she tells me that she truly had the toy first, not her brother, when I know she didn't. Who knows what that girl of mine is going to come up in her life? I can't wait to find out.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Monkey See, Monkey Do
My kids are two years and three months apart. This has been really good spacing for my kids (although it can be rough sometimes on us parents). They get along really well. This makes me more happy that I can adequately express. I know that this is not the situation for all families. And I don't know if it will last, but it's absolutely heart-meltingly awesome to see my kids play together, hug each other, care for each other and generally enjoy each other.
Of course, they don't always get along. They fight and bicker and scream at each other and mess with each other. They are still siblings, after all. And I never want to put some rose-colored view of parenthood on this blog. But probably 80-90% of the time, they get along really well. They love each, and they love to do things together.
The Pumpkin is the oldest at almost 4.5, and she is used to taking charge. It's not that she is bossy, because she's really not bossy at all. It's more that she comes up with ideas of what she wants to do and she does them. Usually it is something really active and imaginative, and it looks like a lot of fun. So other kids tend to want to do what she's doing. And even if no one else wants to do what she's doing? She does it anyway. She loves to play with others, especially her brother, so she will encourage people to join her, but she won't stop her game if no one else is joining in. But because she has so much fun doing fun things, kids often join in. Especially her brother.
The Pookie is almost 2 years and 3 months old, and he loves to join in just about whatever his sister is doing. Not just because it looks fun, and not just when she encourages him to join her. Pretty much whatever she is doing, whenever she is doing them. Even when it's something she shouldn't be doing.
I'm sure you've seen the same behavior in action, perhaps in your own house or those of your family and friends.
In our house, we call this common and well-known phenomenon Monkey See, Monkey Do. The monkey in both cases is usually my son, though it can be my daughter as well. The Pookie sees his sister doing something or acting some way, and he does the same. I will then refer to him as Monkey Boy. And he will respond by saying, "oo oo ah ah." (It's very cute.)
The Monkey See, Monkey Do phenomenon can be a wonderful thing. When the Pumpkin is listening and helping clean up and sitting at the table for dinner and doing the things she's supposed to be doing, the Pookie follows right along! He listens, he behaves, he helps clean. But when the Pumpkin is acting up and misbehaving and not listing and not doing what she's supposed to? Well, Monkey See, Monkey Do. Which means it's TWO children misbehaving and having tantrums and killing us parents!
We have pointed out to the Pumpkin that her brother will do whatever she is doing, so she needs to be careful about what she does in front of him. This is especially the case when she is able to physically do things that he can't, because the situation can become unsafe. And she is starting to take that to heart.
However, we do worry about putting too much pressure on her modifying her behavior because of what her brother might do. That's just doesn't seem fair to a young child. So there is a balance somewhere that we are trying to find.
And I'm sure at some point the Pookie will not want to do anything his sister is doing. He certainly doesn't always do what she's doing now or want to play with her all the time. He does like to do play on his own (something my daughter almost never wants to do), sitting quietly and contently with his train set or blocks or books. And there are plenty of times that the Pumpkin will join in whatever he is playing and doing.
I'll take the Monkey See, Monkey Do phenomenon, even when they are both acting up and driving me crazy. I'm just so happy that my kids get along and like to do what the other is doing. Yes, it can make for some difficult parenting moments, but as I've even told my daughter before, they are siblings and should be on each others' sides. And if I'm yelling at them? They should especially be there for each other and support each other*. I didn't say this part, but I'd rather they bond together, even against us parents, than be divided from each other.
And isn't imitation the best form of flattery?
*This was when my daughter started mimicking me and yelled at her brother, who then yelled back at her. That's not the Monkey See, Monkey Do that I want to encourage. More a situation of Do As I Say, Not As I Do.
Of course, they don't always get along. They fight and bicker and scream at each other and mess with each other. They are still siblings, after all. And I never want to put some rose-colored view of parenthood on this blog. But probably 80-90% of the time, they get along really well. They love each, and they love to do things together.
The Pumpkin is the oldest at almost 4.5, and she is used to taking charge. It's not that she is bossy, because she's really not bossy at all. It's more that she comes up with ideas of what she wants to do and she does them. Usually it is something really active and imaginative, and it looks like a lot of fun. So other kids tend to want to do what she's doing. And even if no one else wants to do what she's doing? She does it anyway. She loves to play with others, especially her brother, so she will encourage people to join her, but she won't stop her game if no one else is joining in. But because she has so much fun doing fun things, kids often join in. Especially her brother.
The Pookie is almost 2 years and 3 months old, and he loves to join in just about whatever his sister is doing. Not just because it looks fun, and not just when she encourages him to join her. Pretty much whatever she is doing, whenever she is doing them. Even when it's something she shouldn't be doing.
I'm sure you've seen the same behavior in action, perhaps in your own house or those of your family and friends.
In our house, we call this common and well-known phenomenon Monkey See, Monkey Do. The monkey in both cases is usually my son, though it can be my daughter as well. The Pookie sees his sister doing something or acting some way, and he does the same. I will then refer to him as Monkey Boy. And he will respond by saying, "oo oo ah ah." (It's very cute.)
The Monkey See, Monkey Do phenomenon can be a wonderful thing. When the Pumpkin is listening and helping clean up and sitting at the table for dinner and doing the things she's supposed to be doing, the Pookie follows right along! He listens, he behaves, he helps clean. But when the Pumpkin is acting up and misbehaving and not listing and not doing what she's supposed to? Well, Monkey See, Monkey Do. Which means it's TWO children misbehaving and having tantrums and killing us parents!
We have pointed out to the Pumpkin that her brother will do whatever she is doing, so she needs to be careful about what she does in front of him. This is especially the case when she is able to physically do things that he can't, because the situation can become unsafe. And she is starting to take that to heart.
However, we do worry about putting too much pressure on her modifying her behavior because of what her brother might do. That's just doesn't seem fair to a young child. So there is a balance somewhere that we are trying to find.
And I'm sure at some point the Pookie will not want to do anything his sister is doing. He certainly doesn't always do what she's doing now or want to play with her all the time. He does like to do play on his own (something my daughter almost never wants to do), sitting quietly and contently with his train set or blocks or books. And there are plenty of times that the Pumpkin will join in whatever he is playing and doing.
I'll take the Monkey See, Monkey Do phenomenon, even when they are both acting up and driving me crazy. I'm just so happy that my kids get along and like to do what the other is doing. Yes, it can make for some difficult parenting moments, but as I've even told my daughter before, they are siblings and should be on each others' sides. And if I'm yelling at them? They should especially be there for each other and support each other*. I didn't say this part, but I'd rather they bond together, even against us parents, than be divided from each other.
And isn't imitation the best form of flattery?
*This was when my daughter started mimicking me and yelled at her brother, who then yelled back at her. That's not the Monkey See, Monkey Do that I want to encourage. More a situation of Do As I Say, Not As I Do.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Some (of Many) Parenting Difference and Child Order
There is no question in my mind that child order plays a part in the whole nurture part of the nature/nuture equation. For the record, I'm a true believe in BOTH nature and nuture playing significant roles in childrens' personalities, temperment, behavoir and all that.
Since having the Pookie, I've been noticing some major differences in the ways I have taught things my first born and my second born. I would like to say I'm simply catering to the different ways that my children learn, but that's not it. It is definitely more a matter of child order and the fact that parenting two children is just different than parenting one. I am certain that parenting three or four or more would also be very different from parenting two.
For example, with the Pumpkin I would often ask her to recite things like numbers, the alphabet, words in other languages, animal noises, shapes, colors, etc. I would ask her all the time, and she loved to list the things she knew and answer any questions I asked her (well, on a good day when she wasn't being contrary).
Her nature has always been that she need interaction and attention, especially from adults, and she has always been very verbally advanced. Since her birth order was first born, we were able to give her a lot of the attention she wanted and she had my husband and me to converse with to advance verbal skills. And in order to entertain myself, I would teach her the names and sounds for everything (and I believe my husband did similar).
With the Pookie as a wonderful addition to our family, there is a lot more juggling and chaos in our household. I realized that I don't focus on him in the same way I did with the Pumpkin. I don't naturally sit there and teach him lists of things or quiz him on shapes and colors. I have to really think about teaching and asking him to name things.
His nature is such that he's more content to sit and entertain himself, and he's always thrived with fine motor skills over verbal skills. As the second born, he has his older sister to follow around and learn from, while Londo and I don't have as much time to focus on only him. This is definitely a different dynamic than we had with only one child in the house.
So though there's probably some nature involve, I have definitely nurtured my children's learning in different ways. Sometimes I worry about it, feel a little twinge of that mommy guilt. But mostly, I try to focus on the fact that the Pookie has three people to learn from in the house, and that he's picking up a lot of different skills from all of us. He also learns some things from his sister (who is two years older) that she didn't have the opportunity to learn at his age.
A good example of that is that the Pookie learned how to play pretend really young. I remember when he was just starting to interact with his sister, just starting to sit up and hold things, and she was very into using the play kitchen and pretending to make, serve and eat pretend food. At first, that baby boy looked so confused when she offered him a handful of nothing to eat, but he quickly caught on and pretended to munch on everything she handed him.
Instead of feeling guilty, I am going to keep focusing on the social interaction he gets from his sister and the fact that they are both able to learn a lot from each other. He'll get his share of learning lists and getting quizzed on what he's learned through his school career in the many years to come.
Since having the Pookie, I've been noticing some major differences in the ways I have taught things my first born and my second born. I would like to say I'm simply catering to the different ways that my children learn, but that's not it. It is definitely more a matter of child order and the fact that parenting two children is just different than parenting one. I am certain that parenting three or four or more would also be very different from parenting two.
For example, with the Pumpkin I would often ask her to recite things like numbers, the alphabet, words in other languages, animal noises, shapes, colors, etc. I would ask her all the time, and she loved to list the things she knew and answer any questions I asked her (well, on a good day when she wasn't being contrary).
Her nature has always been that she need interaction and attention, especially from adults, and she has always been very verbally advanced. Since her birth order was first born, we were able to give her a lot of the attention she wanted and she had my husband and me to converse with to advance verbal skills. And in order to entertain myself, I would teach her the names and sounds for everything (and I believe my husband did similar).
With the Pookie as a wonderful addition to our family, there is a lot more juggling and chaos in our household. I realized that I don't focus on him in the same way I did with the Pumpkin. I don't naturally sit there and teach him lists of things or quiz him on shapes and colors. I have to really think about teaching and asking him to name things.
His nature is such that he's more content to sit and entertain himself, and he's always thrived with fine motor skills over verbal skills. As the second born, he has his older sister to follow around and learn from, while Londo and I don't have as much time to focus on only him. This is definitely a different dynamic than we had with only one child in the house.
So though there's probably some nature involve, I have definitely nurtured my children's learning in different ways. Sometimes I worry about it, feel a little twinge of that mommy guilt. But mostly, I try to focus on the fact that the Pookie has three people to learn from in the house, and that he's picking up a lot of different skills from all of us. He also learns some things from his sister (who is two years older) that she didn't have the opportunity to learn at his age.
A good example of that is that the Pookie learned how to play pretend really young. I remember when he was just starting to interact with his sister, just starting to sit up and hold things, and she was very into using the play kitchen and pretending to make, serve and eat pretend food. At first, that baby boy looked so confused when she offered him a handful of nothing to eat, but he quickly caught on and pretended to munch on everything she handed him.
Instead of feeling guilty, I am going to keep focusing on the social interaction he gets from his sister and the fact that they are both able to learn a lot from each other. He'll get his share of learning lists and getting quizzed on what he's learned through his school career in the many years to come.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
When You've Had a Runner
Last weekend, my daughter and I had a girls road trip! We went up to visit a friend of mine (MommyEm) about 4 hours away (with no stops, traffic or GPS giving bad directions--in other words way longer than a 4 hour drive). Her oldest is 4, just 3 months older than the Pumpkin, and her youngest is 1. We had a really great visit, and the girls got along pretty well, after a transition and warm-up period.
Most importantly, I had a great time hanging out with one of my best friends.
We spent a lot of time talking about our kids, who have some similar "spirited" traits. But they also have some very key differences. As do our parenting styles. But we support each other and don't judge each other. We know that kids can be difficult, and parenting is hard. Most importantly, there are a million "right" ways to do things, both as a child and a parent.
There were a few things that we had different limits about that got me thinking. Specifically, there are three times I'm thinking of:
1. When the girls were running around outside playing tag with another girl and my daughter went running off, I told her to freeze and come back. I hadn't been outside the whole time, so I checked in with my friend. She said that she lets the girls run all the way up to a spot that was WAY out of my comfort zone. So we modified it so that the girls stayed closer.
2. When we were walking from the car to the pool (where we had a fantastic time!), I told my girl not to run on the sidewalk. When we were leaving, I had no problem let the Pumpkin run down the grassy hill, which ended in a flat green area.
3. When going to and from the car in any parking lot, as well as crossing all streets, the rule is that the Pumpkin has to hold an adult's hand. (Although I do let the Pumpkin hold only the Pookie's hand as long as I'm holding the Pookie's other hand and I'm sure she won't let go of his hand.) Even going from a curb to the car door when there is no chance that the car next to us is going to move.
For one of these (or maybe more, I can't exactly recall), my friend asked why I was or wasn't okay with what was happening. I tried to figure it out, but what I said didn't feel right. I don't even remember what it was. But it certainly got me thinking.
But as I insisted on holding my 4 year old's hand the few feet to her car door, I realized what the difference probably was*. I turned to my friend and asked her, "Was your daughter a runner?"
My friend said that she wasn't. Her daughter would never have run off or into anything that might be dangerous.
My daughter meanwhile? Well, just image what a toddler with advanced gross motor skills, no sense of danger and who loved to run would be like. My daughter? She was a Runner. Before you could blink, she would be running straight for a street, a steep hill or whichever way you didn't want her to go.
I told my friend the story of when I was really pregnant with the Pookie one Easter and Londo got sick and couldn't go with us on the egg hunt in my parents' yard. As we walked outside, I enlisted my brother in law's help to chase after her when (not if) she started running off. Sure enough, we were in the un-fenced part of the yard for under a minute when she started running off. She's was a Runner.
Because she loves to run so much, I have created room for her to run, within limits. After the Pookie was born, I would let her run as I was getting all my stuff (and the Pookie when he started daycare) into the car. I gave her limits on where she could run to, when she could start (no cars could be moving anywhere on our street) and when she had to stop (if I say "freeze" she has to stop right away). For the first week or so, I ran with her, and then I watched her like a hawk, and finally relaxed a bit when I was sure she would stay within the boundaries I gave her.
But there are still too many scenarios that are just too dangerous in case she randomly bolts. And I have memories of a couple times when I nearly had a heart attack because she ran in an unsafe situation. So I will likely continue holding her hand on any asphalt, and I will still put careful limits on where she can run around, and I will worry about her running too close to the street.
Having had a runner, I have been irrevocably changed. It has become ingrained to worry about my child near a road or in a store or near a steep hill with a busy road at the bottom. I'm not sure those who haven't had runners will fully understand, and they might wonder why I still hold my child's hand crossing a deserted street. They might wonder why I yell "freeze" when my child is just playing tag with friends. Some might think I'm over-protective or a helicopter parent. (Again, this does not reflect my friend, just thoughts I've had over the years.)
But if you ever had the constant fear that your child might run off into a busy street with no warning, so fast you weren't sure you could catch them in time, and with so little thought about serious consequences... well, you probably are still holding your kids' hands, too.
*To be honest, I have no idea of other 4 year olds have to hold their parents' hands whenever they are on asphalt. I didn't pay attention to whether or not my friend had the same rule with her 4 year old. But I'm pretty sure I've seen other 4 year olds at my kids' school go in and out of cars and even cross the street without holding an adult's hand.
Most importantly, I had a great time hanging out with one of my best friends.
We spent a lot of time talking about our kids, who have some similar "spirited" traits. But they also have some very key differences. As do our parenting styles. But we support each other and don't judge each other. We know that kids can be difficult, and parenting is hard. Most importantly, there are a million "right" ways to do things, both as a child and a parent.
There were a few things that we had different limits about that got me thinking. Specifically, there are three times I'm thinking of:
1. When the girls were running around outside playing tag with another girl and my daughter went running off, I told her to freeze and come back. I hadn't been outside the whole time, so I checked in with my friend. She said that she lets the girls run all the way up to a spot that was WAY out of my comfort zone. So we modified it so that the girls stayed closer.
2. When we were walking from the car to the pool (where we had a fantastic time!), I told my girl not to run on the sidewalk. When we were leaving, I had no problem let the Pumpkin run down the grassy hill, which ended in a flat green area.
3. When going to and from the car in any parking lot, as well as crossing all streets, the rule is that the Pumpkin has to hold an adult's hand. (Although I do let the Pumpkin hold only the Pookie's hand as long as I'm holding the Pookie's other hand and I'm sure she won't let go of his hand.) Even going from a curb to the car door when there is no chance that the car next to us is going to move.
For one of these (or maybe more, I can't exactly recall), my friend asked why I was or wasn't okay with what was happening. I tried to figure it out, but what I said didn't feel right. I don't even remember what it was. But it certainly got me thinking.
But as I insisted on holding my 4 year old's hand the few feet to her car door, I realized what the difference probably was*. I turned to my friend and asked her, "Was your daughter a runner?"
My friend said that she wasn't. Her daughter would never have run off or into anything that might be dangerous.
My daughter meanwhile? Well, just image what a toddler with advanced gross motor skills, no sense of danger and who loved to run would be like. My daughter? She was a Runner. Before you could blink, she would be running straight for a street, a steep hill or whichever way you didn't want her to go.
I told my friend the story of when I was really pregnant with the Pookie one Easter and Londo got sick and couldn't go with us on the egg hunt in my parents' yard. As we walked outside, I enlisted my brother in law's help to chase after her when (not if) she started running off. Sure enough, we were in the un-fenced part of the yard for under a minute when she started running off. She's was a Runner.
Because she loves to run so much, I have created room for her to run, within limits. After the Pookie was born, I would let her run as I was getting all my stuff (and the Pookie when he started daycare) into the car. I gave her limits on where she could run to, when she could start (no cars could be moving anywhere on our street) and when she had to stop (if I say "freeze" she has to stop right away). For the first week or so, I ran with her, and then I watched her like a hawk, and finally relaxed a bit when I was sure she would stay within the boundaries I gave her.
But there are still too many scenarios that are just too dangerous in case she randomly bolts. And I have memories of a couple times when I nearly had a heart attack because she ran in an unsafe situation. So I will likely continue holding her hand on any asphalt, and I will still put careful limits on where she can run around, and I will worry about her running too close to the street.
Having had a runner, I have been irrevocably changed. It has become ingrained to worry about my child near a road or in a store or near a steep hill with a busy road at the bottom. I'm not sure those who haven't had runners will fully understand, and they might wonder why I still hold my child's hand crossing a deserted street. They might wonder why I yell "freeze" when my child is just playing tag with friends. Some might think I'm over-protective or a helicopter parent. (Again, this does not reflect my friend, just thoughts I've had over the years.)
But if you ever had the constant fear that your child might run off into a busy street with no warning, so fast you weren't sure you could catch them in time, and with so little thought about serious consequences... well, you probably are still holding your kids' hands, too.
*To be honest, I have no idea of other 4 year olds have to hold their parents' hands whenever they are on asphalt. I didn't pay attention to whether or not my friend had the same rule with her 4 year old. But I'm pretty sure I've seen other 4 year olds at my kids' school go in and out of cars and even cross the street without holding an adult's hand.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Question of the Week - Teaching by Example
This morning was I was on my own with the kids for the first morning since having knee surgery. Londo did get the Pookie out of his crib and watched him until he had to leave for work, letting me (and the Pumpkin who was in bed with me, of course) sleep as long as possible. Which was very helpful, considering I stayed up way to late last night because someone was wrong on the internet! (Love that pic, and thanks to @Cloud for linking to it in one of her posts.)
But I did stay up too late, and I was sore from the previous day, which was my first day back in the office including driving myself around. I was trying not to be grumpy, but I was. I snapped at my daughter and started walking away over her dillydallying instead of getting ready. After about three steps (hobbles with cane!) down the hallway, I realized I wasn't reacting well. So I took a deep breath, and said out loud so my daughter could hear, "I shouldn't have yelled. That wasn't right. I shouldn't lose my patience like that. I need to try that again."
I walked back into the bathroom and explained to my girl that it was hard for me to stand so long while she was flopping around, that my knee was very sore, that I was grumpy and I lost my patience. Playfully, I said, "I need to find more patience. Where do you think some might be?" And she laughing said there was some over there, pointing to the other side of the bathroom.
I went over and got some "patience." Then I told her I wanted us both to try again. I said that I was going to keep my patience and I needed her to focus on getting ready. Then she added, "And you shouldn't yell because it makes me sad." I told her I would do my best, and that I needed her to do her best.
Next thing you know, she's ready for the day in cute pigtails, the Pookie was already in a cute t-shirt with cars, and I was ready to drop them off at school and go to my first physical therapy appointment.
I tell that part of the morning to point out the way I talk things out loud in front of my daughter. Things I want her to learn and understand and also imitate when she is feeling the same way. This is a huge part of the way I parent. And I know it helps, because she adds things like the fact that I shouldn't yell, and she does try again with me, and we generally do better when I use this parenting tactic.
As the kiddos ate breakfast, I got some last minute things. I was finally ready to start thinking about leaving the house and making sure I had everything I needed for my physical therapy appointment. Then, I thought about the time.
THE TIME! Oh, man!
Normally, I usher the kids to the front hall and the "getting ready" chairs at 8:30 so we can be in the car and leaving by 8:45 to get to their school at about 9:00. BUT this morning, my physical therapy was at 9:00. I made that appointment before I knew that Londo couldn't do drop off that day and that my mom was out of town. I had to do the morning, do the drop off and still make my 9:00 appointment, which meant I had to have kids in the car BY 8:30!
And of course, it was already 8:30. And everything was taking me slightly longer than usually because limping with a cane is slower than walking with two working legs. I started to freak out, making it very clear to the kids that I was very frustrated that I hadn't accounted for the time correctly and that I wasn't mad at them. But I was freaking out. The kids? They were awesome. They hurried, put up only a little fuss about shoes and sun block, and generally were helpful and focused. But even with that, it was 8:48 by the time I got them in the car and backed out my driveway.
I was so upset. I started crying a little bit from the stress and frustration. And do you know what my daughter said? She said, "It's okay, Mommy. You just need to calm down a bit. Try taking some deep breathes, like this... in and out, in and out." I listened to her and did what she said. Darned if she wasn't right! I DID feel better!
I thanked her, told her I did feel better and then asked for no talking for a minute while I finished calming down. I handed them the rest of their toast that they didn't have time to finish in the rush out the door. And then I was able to think and figure out what to do. I called the place, told them I would be late to the appointment, and they said it was no problem. And I felt a TON better.
I thanked my daughter and told her that because she helped me calm down, I was able to "think think think" and figure out what I needed to do, which was call the place, and they said it was no problem that I was going to be late!
This week's question of the week is:
What have you seen/heard your kid(s) do/say that reflects something you've been teaching them by example?
Unfortunately, it's not always good things we teach them by example. Nor do they always use the lessons correctly.
My son has been saying, "I mad!" all the freaking time lately. He's not always really mad, but he likes to say it. The reason we taught him this was so he'd learn the words to say he was mad and stop his foot to show how mad instead of the hitting and pushing and biting he was starting to do. So even though it was a good lesson that the Pumpkin and I showed him how to express his anger, he's now doing it just to get a reaction out of us. But, you know, he's Two.
How about your kid(s)? Have you shown them how to do something? Have you expressed your words hoping they will do the same? Does it work for you? Or are they repeating your curse words instead of the good job praises?
But I did stay up too late, and I was sore from the previous day, which was my first day back in the office including driving myself around. I was trying not to be grumpy, but I was. I snapped at my daughter and started walking away over her dillydallying instead of getting ready. After about three steps (hobbles with cane!) down the hallway, I realized I wasn't reacting well. So I took a deep breath, and said out loud so my daughter could hear, "I shouldn't have yelled. That wasn't right. I shouldn't lose my patience like that. I need to try that again."
I walked back into the bathroom and explained to my girl that it was hard for me to stand so long while she was flopping around, that my knee was very sore, that I was grumpy and I lost my patience. Playfully, I said, "I need to find more patience. Where do you think some might be?" And she laughing said there was some over there, pointing to the other side of the bathroom.
I went over and got some "patience." Then I told her I wanted us both to try again. I said that I was going to keep my patience and I needed her to focus on getting ready. Then she added, "And you shouldn't yell because it makes me sad." I told her I would do my best, and that I needed her to do her best.
Next thing you know, she's ready for the day in cute pigtails, the Pookie was already in a cute t-shirt with cars, and I was ready to drop them off at school and go to my first physical therapy appointment.
I tell that part of the morning to point out the way I talk things out loud in front of my daughter. Things I want her to learn and understand and also imitate when she is feeling the same way. This is a huge part of the way I parent. And I know it helps, because she adds things like the fact that I shouldn't yell, and she does try again with me, and we generally do better when I use this parenting tactic.
As the kiddos ate breakfast, I got some last minute things. I was finally ready to start thinking about leaving the house and making sure I had everything I needed for my physical therapy appointment. Then, I thought about the time.
THE TIME! Oh, man!
Normally, I usher the kids to the front hall and the "getting ready" chairs at 8:30 so we can be in the car and leaving by 8:45 to get to their school at about 9:00. BUT this morning, my physical therapy was at 9:00. I made that appointment before I knew that Londo couldn't do drop off that day and that my mom was out of town. I had to do the morning, do the drop off and still make my 9:00 appointment, which meant I had to have kids in the car BY 8:30!
And of course, it was already 8:30. And everything was taking me slightly longer than usually because limping with a cane is slower than walking with two working legs. I started to freak out, making it very clear to the kids that I was very frustrated that I hadn't accounted for the time correctly and that I wasn't mad at them. But I was freaking out. The kids? They were awesome. They hurried, put up only a little fuss about shoes and sun block, and generally were helpful and focused. But even with that, it was 8:48 by the time I got them in the car and backed out my driveway.
I was so upset. I started crying a little bit from the stress and frustration. And do you know what my daughter said? She said, "It's okay, Mommy. You just need to calm down a bit. Try taking some deep breathes, like this... in and out, in and out." I listened to her and did what she said. Darned if she wasn't right! I DID feel better!
I thanked her, told her I did feel better and then asked for no talking for a minute while I finished calming down. I handed them the rest of their toast that they didn't have time to finish in the rush out the door. And then I was able to think and figure out what to do. I called the place, told them I would be late to the appointment, and they said it was no problem. And I felt a TON better.
I thanked my daughter and told her that because she helped me calm down, I was able to "think think think" and figure out what I needed to do, which was call the place, and they said it was no problem that I was going to be late!
This week's question of the week is:
What have you seen/heard your kid(s) do/say that reflects something you've been teaching them by example?
Unfortunately, it's not always good things we teach them by example. Nor do they always use the lessons correctly.
My son has been saying, "I mad!" all the freaking time lately. He's not always really mad, but he likes to say it. The reason we taught him this was so he'd learn the words to say he was mad and stop his foot to show how mad instead of the hitting and pushing and biting he was starting to do. So even though it was a good lesson that the Pumpkin and I showed him how to express his anger, he's now doing it just to get a reaction out of us. But, you know, he's Two.
How about your kid(s)? Have you shown them how to do something? Have you expressed your words hoping they will do the same? Does it work for you? Or are they repeating your curse words instead of the good job praises?
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Just Say Yes, Of Course
The Pumpkin has been in a phase where instead of saying "yes" she answers "of course." Like most phases, it started out cute, but has become a problem.
At first, she just said it ocassionally. "Pumpkin, can I have a kiss?" "Of course!" It was adorable, and we would laugh. The girl loves to make people laugh. She said it in response to sweet questions, and we found it adorable.
But then she started saying it more, and it was a little frustrated. "Pumpkin, do you want milk?" "Of course!" She didn't say it all the time, but just enough to cause Londo and I to sigh. How would we know if she wanted milk? There was no "of course" about it.
I'm sure you can guess what happened next. She started saying it all the time. So much, that it has started driving us crazy. "Pumpin, are you going to do what I've been telling you to do?" "Of course!" Now, she was using it in ways that were in way "of courses." Things she was ignoring until we practically had to force her to do or answer, and we'd get "Of course!"
Finally, one day I'd had it. I responded back that it was not "of course." That "of course" was for when the answer was pretty much known, and that I had no idea that she had heard me and was going to do what I told her or that I didn't know for sure that she wanted milk. I old her that instead of answering "of course" that she should just say "yes."
She seemed to get it. And the next few times she said of course, I said, "Not of course. Just yes." And she'd say, "Oh, right. Yes." And after a few times of that, she stopped herself from saying of course and said yes instead. I noted it and praised her for remembering.
There has been a noticable difference in the last couple weeks. She really has cut way back on "of course" and mostly just answers "yes." This is how I know we are in one of those equilabrium stages, because she is making the adjust quickly, easily and without big arguments or meltdowns.
So let's hear it for the ability to modify behavoir at age 4! She listened to what I wanted, paid attention to why I wanted it, and has worked very hard to stop doing it. Do you think I can translate this ability to other areas of behavoir? Of course I'm gonna try!
At first, she just said it ocassionally. "Pumpkin, can I have a kiss?" "Of course!" It was adorable, and we would laugh. The girl loves to make people laugh. She said it in response to sweet questions, and we found it adorable.
But then she started saying it more, and it was a little frustrated. "Pumpkin, do you want milk?" "Of course!" She didn't say it all the time, but just enough to cause Londo and I to sigh. How would we know if she wanted milk? There was no "of course" about it.
I'm sure you can guess what happened next. She started saying it all the time. So much, that it has started driving us crazy. "Pumpin, are you going to do what I've been telling you to do?" "Of course!" Now, she was using it in ways that were in way "of courses." Things she was ignoring until we practically had to force her to do or answer, and we'd get "Of course!"
Finally, one day I'd had it. I responded back that it was not "of course." That "of course" was for when the answer was pretty much known, and that I had no idea that she had heard me and was going to do what I told her or that I didn't know for sure that she wanted milk. I old her that instead of answering "of course" that she should just say "yes."
She seemed to get it. And the next few times she said of course, I said, "Not of course. Just yes." And she'd say, "Oh, right. Yes." And after a few times of that, she stopped herself from saying of course and said yes instead. I noted it and praised her for remembering.
There has been a noticable difference in the last couple weeks. She really has cut way back on "of course" and mostly just answers "yes." This is how I know we are in one of those equilabrium stages, because she is making the adjust quickly, easily and without big arguments or meltdowns.
So let's hear it for the ability to modify behavoir at age 4! She listened to what I wanted, paid attention to why I wanted it, and has worked very hard to stop doing it. Do you think I can translate this ability to other areas of behavoir? Of course I'm gonna try!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Happy 2nd Birthday to the Pookie!
Today, my baby boy turned 2! TWO! I can't even believe it!
He's not a baby anymore. He's even starting to move beyond being a toddler. And he is completely amazing.
He loves cars (go-goes) and trains and his sister. He playing pretend, racing and, well, whatever his sister comes up with. He gets so excited when Daddy or Mommy come into the room that it warms our hearts. He's great at so many things and learning so quickly. Just today, he was able to tell me the color of the car he was holding was "boo" (although he also said the red one was blue, so colors are a work in progress).
He's able to do so much physically, running and jumping and climbing up and down everything. He is putting together whole sentences! His pronounciation is getting more clear, and he generally is able to get across what he means. And he tells us "ah woh oo" all the time, even when we don't say I love you first!
It seems like just yesterday he was a babe in my arms. And now, he's a little boy.
Happy Birthday, Pookie! Thanks for being such a wonderful part of our family of four.
An aside: My babies are growing up so quickly! In fact, I don't have babies anymore! Two years since my youngest was born? Do you know what this is doing to my ovaries?!? My mom heard a term that describes it perfectly: womb wistfulness. I never thought I would actually miss the newborn/infant/baby stage, but there you have it.
He's not a baby anymore. He's even starting to move beyond being a toddler. And he is completely amazing.
He loves cars (go-goes) and trains and his sister. He playing pretend, racing and, well, whatever his sister comes up with. He gets so excited when Daddy or Mommy come into the room that it warms our hearts. He's great at so many things and learning so quickly. Just today, he was able to tell me the color of the car he was holding was "boo" (although he also said the red one was blue, so colors are a work in progress).
He's able to do so much physically, running and jumping and climbing up and down everything. He is putting together whole sentences! His pronounciation is getting more clear, and he generally is able to get across what he means. And he tells us "ah woh oo" all the time, even when we don't say I love you first!
It seems like just yesterday he was a babe in my arms. And now, he's a little boy.
Happy Birthday, Pookie! Thanks for being such a wonderful part of our family of four.
An aside: My babies are growing up so quickly! In fact, I don't have babies anymore! Two years since my youngest was born? Do you know what this is doing to my ovaries?!? My mom heard a term that describes it perfectly: womb wistfulness. I never thought I would actually miss the newborn/infant/baby stage, but there you have it.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Four Year Old World of Extremes
I don't know if it's a phase or the age or her personality or something she is picking up from those around her (like her parents), but lately the Pumpkin has living in extremes. It's not just the "ever"s or "never"s she is constantly saying, but it is also often about who is the "best" or "most" or "better" or "faster" or... well, you get the point.
I mostly just let it go. I know she doesn't mean it when I give her a hug or kiss I didn't know she didn't want and she says she is never going to hug or kiss me ever again. Or when we insist she cleans up her toys or brushes her teeth and she says she is never going to do it again. Or even when her brother does something she didn't want him to do and she says she's never going to play with him again.
It's the heat of the moment. It's her feeling her emotions to the fullest. It's her lashing out. At least it's not her hitting or pushing. She is using her words... but words can hurt and I know we will need to address it when she can understand a little better how those words hurt and when she has the control to not just lash out. In other words, when she's a little older... like 30... or maybe 40. I'll let you know when I've figured it out myself. Heh.
I do get a wee bit frustrated when she is so competitive about things. She has to "win" at everything, from finishing her food before her brother to going up the stairs to building a tower with blocks, she wants to beat him. While I think this is probably a normal phase for her age, I want her to know NOW that it's okay not to win, and that not everything needs to be a competition.
Just this morning, she finished her toast first and said she won. I said (as I have many times before) that it's not a race. You eat what you are hungry for until you are full. You don't need to eat it fast, and that it's better to take your time so you digest better. I have a feeling that I will have to continue making these statements for a while.
A little healthy competition is good. My husband has good results getting the kids to do some things by making it a race or seeing who can do it fastest. But when it's about everything and it's all about winning, I worry about it. I want her to have fun playing and doing things. I want her to encourage her brother and others with supportive comments. I want her to want to win in competions, but not be crushed if she loses. Most importantly, I want her to learn to be a good sport no matter if she wins or loses.
It doesn't have to be the tallest tower. She doesn't have to be the fastest up the stairs, especially when we are trying to be calm on our way to bed. She doesn't have to finish her food first. She doesn't have to say she'll never hug me again. It doesn't have to be all about the extremes.
We've been watching the Cars movie (SPOILER WARNING: I'm going to talk about the end of the movie and who won the final race!!!), and yesterday when it was near the end and they were doing the final race, she said that Lightning McQueen and the King won. And Londo and I explained to her that they didn't win. Chick won. Lightning went back to help his friend, The King. We explained that it was more important to him to help his friend than it was to win the race. That was the lesson that Lightning learned. This was just after we had talked about the things he learned from his friends that he used in the race.
She was quiet for a minute, watching the movie. Then she said, "Lightning learned two things from his friends. He learned to go backwards from Tow Mater. And he learned to turn from Doc." Londo said, "Yes, he learned those two things about driving for the race. But he also learned a third thing." I said, "He also learned that it's more important to help his friend than to win the race." Even though we had just said this, it felt important to repeat it.
These are the lessons we will work on. Right now, she is living in extremes. I've always said that the Pumpkin feels her emotions to the fullest. If she is happy, she is giddy with happiness. If she is sad, she is devestated. If she is angry, she is furious. She is my girl with the curl right in the middle of her forhead. I feel emotions like that at times as well. I understand getting overwhelmed and needing to express what I'm feeling. But I also understand how it can feel to be on the receiving end of those emotions, and how important it can be to temper them or find an appropriate outlet.
So we will keep talking about it. We will keep expressing the importance of being a good sport. We will work on teaching how words can hurt and how to express ourselves in ways that are not hurtful to others. And I think we'll be watching the Cars movie a few more times and discussing the lessons we can learn from that.
And maybe the world of extremes will continue. There are worse things that can happen. Hopefully she learns ways to express those extremes that aren't quite so, well, extreme. Time will tell.
I mostly just let it go. I know she doesn't mean it when I give her a hug or kiss I didn't know she didn't want and she says she is never going to hug or kiss me ever again. Or when we insist she cleans up her toys or brushes her teeth and she says she is never going to do it again. Or even when her brother does something she didn't want him to do and she says she's never going to play with him again.
It's the heat of the moment. It's her feeling her emotions to the fullest. It's her lashing out. At least it's not her hitting or pushing. She is using her words... but words can hurt and I know we will need to address it when she can understand a little better how those words hurt and when she has the control to not just lash out. In other words, when she's a little older... like 30... or maybe 40. I'll let you know when I've figured it out myself. Heh.
I do get a wee bit frustrated when she is so competitive about things. She has to "win" at everything, from finishing her food before her brother to going up the stairs to building a tower with blocks, she wants to beat him. While I think this is probably a normal phase for her age, I want her to know NOW that it's okay not to win, and that not everything needs to be a competition.
Just this morning, she finished her toast first and said she won. I said (as I have many times before) that it's not a race. You eat what you are hungry for until you are full. You don't need to eat it fast, and that it's better to take your time so you digest better. I have a feeling that I will have to continue making these statements for a while.
A little healthy competition is good. My husband has good results getting the kids to do some things by making it a race or seeing who can do it fastest. But when it's about everything and it's all about winning, I worry about it. I want her to have fun playing and doing things. I want her to encourage her brother and others with supportive comments. I want her to want to win in competions, but not be crushed if she loses. Most importantly, I want her to learn to be a good sport no matter if she wins or loses.
It doesn't have to be the tallest tower. She doesn't have to be the fastest up the stairs, especially when we are trying to be calm on our way to bed. She doesn't have to finish her food first. She doesn't have to say she'll never hug me again. It doesn't have to be all about the extremes.
We've been watching the Cars movie (SPOILER WARNING: I'm going to talk about the end of the movie and who won the final race!!!), and yesterday when it was near the end and they were doing the final race, she said that Lightning McQueen and the King won. And Londo and I explained to her that they didn't win. Chick won. Lightning went back to help his friend, The King. We explained that it was more important to him to help his friend than it was to win the race. That was the lesson that Lightning learned. This was just after we had talked about the things he learned from his friends that he used in the race.
She was quiet for a minute, watching the movie. Then she said, "Lightning learned two things from his friends. He learned to go backwards from Tow Mater. And he learned to turn from Doc." Londo said, "Yes, he learned those two things about driving for the race. But he also learned a third thing." I said, "He also learned that it's more important to help his friend than to win the race." Even though we had just said this, it felt important to repeat it.
These are the lessons we will work on. Right now, she is living in extremes. I've always said that the Pumpkin feels her emotions to the fullest. If she is happy, she is giddy with happiness. If she is sad, she is devestated. If she is angry, she is furious. She is my girl with the curl right in the middle of her forhead. I feel emotions like that at times as well. I understand getting overwhelmed and needing to express what I'm feeling. But I also understand how it can feel to be on the receiving end of those emotions, and how important it can be to temper them or find an appropriate outlet.
So we will keep talking about it. We will keep expressing the importance of being a good sport. We will work on teaching how words can hurt and how to express ourselves in ways that are not hurtful to others. And I think we'll be watching the Cars movie a few more times and discussing the lessons we can learn from that.
And maybe the world of extremes will continue. There are worse things that can happen. Hopefully she learns ways to express those extremes that aren't quite so, well, extreme. Time will tell.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Question of the Week - Toddlerese Infiltrates Our Language
I love the way toddlers say words. The Pumpkin had some adorable words, some that lasted for quite a while like "wobberwhy" for butterfly and "ballerlay" for ballet and "laliloli" for raviloli. But the Pumpkin's verbal skills advanced rather quickly, so there wasn't a whole lot of nicknames for things that she couldn't pronounce, other than those I listed.
But the Pookie, well his verbal skills are developing in their own time frame. He's totally in the range of normal for his age, so we're not worried or anything. He just isn't able to pronounce his words clearly and he has come up with toddlerese words and terms for things he either can't or won't say the right way.
For example, he doesn't pronounce the hard "c" sound very well (or the soft "c"/"s" sound either). In fact, he only pronounces the "cah" sound and "sss" sound when he is repeating just that sound back to us. But when it comes to the word "cat"? He either doesn't say it or can't say it. Instead, he calls cats "meows." It may be in part because our cat's name is kind of similar to the word meow, but he does differentiate the word dog, our dog's name and the sounds a dog makes. But for cats? He refers to them all as meows.
So now the rest of the family? We often call cats meows as well! "Look, Pookie! It's a meow!"
So this week's question of the week is:
What nickname or silly word have you adopted into everyday speech that originated from your kid(s)'s dialect of toddlerese?
The other really big one we've totally started using all the time is the Pookie's word for car: go-go. Actually, it started as a referral to cars, but then morphed to include trucks and motorcycles and trains and, well, anything that has wheels really. "Hey look, Pookie! It's a go-go!" and "Here's your (toy) go-go, Pook" have become regular phrases in our house used by me, Londo and the Pumpkin.
We have started to differentiate the types of go-gos and refer to go-go cars, go-go trucks, go-go trains, etc. I am at the point where I forget when I'm talking with other adults and I'll start to refer to a car as a go-go. And the term go-go is now used by my parents and others when talking to the Pookie!
Sometimes, I think the Pookie is just being stubborn about what he wants to call things though. For a while, the Pookie seemed to be confusing cows with elephants. We'd have arguments where I would say, "elephant" and he'd say "cow" and I'd say "elephant" and he'd say "cow" and this would go on for a little while, and I started to suspect that he was either pulling my leg or just being stubborn. Then we started reading some Italian board books starring an elephant named Elmer. So he started calling all elephants "el-moh." And we'd have disagreements about that as well. "Elephant." "Elmoh." "No, elephant." "No, elmoh!" Until I'd give up and say, "Fine it's an elmer elephant." And now? I often just refer to it as an elmer. Sigh...
What about your household? Any special nicknames or words that have infiltrated your language? Any cute toddlerese that you continue to use? Any that you miss? Any from your childhood? Share with me!
But the Pookie, well his verbal skills are developing in their own time frame. He's totally in the range of normal for his age, so we're not worried or anything. He just isn't able to pronounce his words clearly and he has come up with toddlerese words and terms for things he either can't or won't say the right way.
For example, he doesn't pronounce the hard "c" sound very well (or the soft "c"/"s" sound either). In fact, he only pronounces the "cah" sound and "sss" sound when he is repeating just that sound back to us. But when it comes to the word "cat"? He either doesn't say it or can't say it. Instead, he calls cats "meows." It may be in part because our cat's name is kind of similar to the word meow, but he does differentiate the word dog, our dog's name and the sounds a dog makes. But for cats? He refers to them all as meows.
So now the rest of the family? We often call cats meows as well! "Look, Pookie! It's a meow!"
So this week's question of the week is:
What nickname or silly word have you adopted into everyday speech that originated from your kid(s)'s dialect of toddlerese?
The other really big one we've totally started using all the time is the Pookie's word for car: go-go. Actually, it started as a referral to cars, but then morphed to include trucks and motorcycles and trains and, well, anything that has wheels really. "Hey look, Pookie! It's a go-go!" and "Here's your (toy) go-go, Pook" have become regular phrases in our house used by me, Londo and the Pumpkin.
We have started to differentiate the types of go-gos and refer to go-go cars, go-go trucks, go-go trains, etc. I am at the point where I forget when I'm talking with other adults and I'll start to refer to a car as a go-go. And the term go-go is now used by my parents and others when talking to the Pookie!
Sometimes, I think the Pookie is just being stubborn about what he wants to call things though. For a while, the Pookie seemed to be confusing cows with elephants. We'd have arguments where I would say, "elephant" and he'd say "cow" and I'd say "elephant" and he'd say "cow" and this would go on for a little while, and I started to suspect that he was either pulling my leg or just being stubborn. Then we started reading some Italian board books starring an elephant named Elmer. So he started calling all elephants "el-moh." And we'd have disagreements about that as well. "Elephant." "Elmoh." "No, elephant." "No, elmoh!" Until I'd give up and say, "Fine it's an elmer elephant." And now? I often just refer to it as an elmer. Sigh...
What about your household? Any special nicknames or words that have infiltrated your language? Any cute toddlerese that you continue to use? Any that you miss? Any from your childhood? Share with me!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Question of the Week - Signs of a Regression
Because my daughter goes through those periods of disequilibrium on a quarterly basis (instead of the half-year basis it says in all the books), sometimes it feels like we are constantly dealing with developmental regressions. Which is, of course, frustrating. It can feel like every time we see progress, we back slide in development.
I know this isn't true, though. Not all progress is lost. Not by a long shot. I would say it's actually 3 or 4 steps forward, 1 step back. (Maybe sometimes it's 2 steps back.) And what's really neat about the quarterly developmental cycles is that we get to see the Pumpkin make developmental progress earlier than most her age.
But since we got through these regressions a lot, and now with two kids, we are getting really good at knowing the signs.
The Pumpkin's top 10 signs that she's going through a developmental regression are:
10. She wants help with things she used to want to do herself, like washing her hands.
9. She insists she can't do something she could before and needs us to do it for her, like putting on her shoes.
8. She says she's "scared" of things that she hasn't mentioned in a while, like dark rooms or "biting snakes" and sharks in her room.
7. She goes through a phase of separation anxiety, from school drop-offs to needing us to wait for her so we can go downstairs together.
6. Her ability to concentrate goes out the window, and she flits from one thing to another without putting anything away.
5. Any impulse control she had developed is pretty much gone, with her grabbing things from the counter and doing things she shouldn't like pushing her brother which totally drive us crazy.
4. She has difficulty "listening to her body" when she is hungry or thirsty or has to go potty, resulting in some meltdowns and pee pee in her underpants.
3. She has potty regressions, including emptying her bladder at 3:00 AM in our bed while she slept like a rock through it--until we finally were able to wake her up and she and I had a middle-of-the-night shower while Londo did middle-of-the-night laundry and bed change.
2. There are unreasonable, unforeseen tantrums and meltdowns over things that normally wouldn't be a big deal, like not wanting to wear jeans or even pants even though it's cold outside.
And the number 1 sign that my daughter is going through a developmental regression...
...
...
1. Trouble Sleeping! (Even more than usual, that is.) It all just gets worse than usual, from not being settling down prior to bed, to a long time falling asleep, to being wide awake in the middle of the night or really early in the wee hours of the morning.
Yes, I'm sure you all guessed it. It's pretty obvious. The good news is that it shouldn't last much longer, and at least she is somewhat more able to reason and think things through than she was for any of the previous regressions.
Here's an example of that: When she peed in our bed at 3:00 AM and was so hard to wake, I thought for sure that she would flip out when she finally woke up and I took her into the shower. I thought there would for sure be one of those middle-of-the-night crazy tantrums that we used to go through, especially trying to get her to shower. But no, once she woke up and we explained what happened, I whisked her into the bathroom without her making even a peep. I hurriedly got us both undressed and started warming up the shower.
As I started to usher her into the shower, she balked for a second. Oh, no. Here we go, I thought. But you'll never guess what she did: She reached over for some bath toys and then got in the shower with them and me. No complaining, not upset at all. We even had a fun and quick shower. When we got out and she went to brush her teeth, I had to explain that it was still the middle of the night and we needed to go back to sleep. And she said, "Oh, right." And we did.
So this week's Question of the Week is:
What are the signs your kid(s) displays when they are going through a regression?
My son is still so young (21 months) that his signs are pretty average for toddlers, I think. He needs more help falling asleep. He wakes up in the night, usually just once a night for a few nights in a row. He gets extra clingy to me. He gets extra fussy, especially at the Witching Hour(s) before and after dinner.
What about your kids? Do you get typical signs of clingy-ness and fussiness? Have any fun tantrums or night wakings? Have you figured out any patterns or timing to the regressions? Do share, because I know we all go through it!
I know this isn't true, though. Not all progress is lost. Not by a long shot. I would say it's actually 3 or 4 steps forward, 1 step back. (Maybe sometimes it's 2 steps back.) And what's really neat about the quarterly developmental cycles is that we get to see the Pumpkin make developmental progress earlier than most her age.
But since we got through these regressions a lot, and now with two kids, we are getting really good at knowing the signs.
The Pumpkin's top 10 signs that she's going through a developmental regression are:
10. She wants help with things she used to want to do herself, like washing her hands.
9. She insists she can't do something she could before and needs us to do it for her, like putting on her shoes.
8. She says she's "scared" of things that she hasn't mentioned in a while, like dark rooms or "biting snakes" and sharks in her room.
7. She goes through a phase of separation anxiety, from school drop-offs to needing us to wait for her so we can go downstairs together.
6. Her ability to concentrate goes out the window, and she flits from one thing to another without putting anything away.
5. Any impulse control she had developed is pretty much gone, with her grabbing things from the counter and doing things she shouldn't like pushing her brother which totally drive us crazy.
4. She has difficulty "listening to her body" when she is hungry or thirsty or has to go potty, resulting in some meltdowns and pee pee in her underpants.
3. She has potty regressions, including emptying her bladder at 3:00 AM in our bed while she slept like a rock through it--until we finally were able to wake her up and she and I had a middle-of-the-night shower while Londo did middle-of-the-night laundry and bed change.
2. There are unreasonable, unforeseen tantrums and meltdowns over things that normally wouldn't be a big deal, like not wanting to wear jeans or even pants even though it's cold outside.
And the number 1 sign that my daughter is going through a developmental regression...
...
...
1. Trouble Sleeping! (Even more than usual, that is.) It all just gets worse than usual, from not being settling down prior to bed, to a long time falling asleep, to being wide awake in the middle of the night or really early in the wee hours of the morning.
Yes, I'm sure you all guessed it. It's pretty obvious. The good news is that it shouldn't last much longer, and at least she is somewhat more able to reason and think things through than she was for any of the previous regressions.
Here's an example of that: When she peed in our bed at 3:00 AM and was so hard to wake, I thought for sure that she would flip out when she finally woke up and I took her into the shower. I thought there would for sure be one of those middle-of-the-night crazy tantrums that we used to go through, especially trying to get her to shower. But no, once she woke up and we explained what happened, I whisked her into the bathroom without her making even a peep. I hurriedly got us both undressed and started warming up the shower.
As I started to usher her into the shower, she balked for a second. Oh, no. Here we go, I thought. But you'll never guess what she did: She reached over for some bath toys and then got in the shower with them and me. No complaining, not upset at all. We even had a fun and quick shower. When we got out and she went to brush her teeth, I had to explain that it was still the middle of the night and we needed to go back to sleep. And she said, "Oh, right." And we did.
So this week's Question of the Week is:
What are the signs your kid(s) displays when they are going through a regression?
My son is still so young (21 months) that his signs are pretty average for toddlers, I think. He needs more help falling asleep. He wakes up in the night, usually just once a night for a few nights in a row. He gets extra clingy to me. He gets extra fussy, especially at the Witching Hour(s) before and after dinner.
What about your kids? Do you get typical signs of clingy-ness and fussiness? Have any fun tantrums or night wakings? Have you figured out any patterns or timing to the regressions? Do share, because I know we all go through it!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
In Love with a Boy
I always knew I would love having a daughter. Being one of those females that was part girly-girl (loved pink, dressing up and Barbies) and part tomboy (loved climbing trees, playing superheros and watching football), I figured that I would be able to connect with my daughter no matter what she liked to do. Plus, there were cute dresses and unicorns and dollhouses that we'd get her!
But having a son? That made me a bit nervous. Not a lot nervous, because I have always loved hanging out with the guys. But a bit nervous because everyone said that they are full of energy, are so physical and not as emotionally sensitive as girls. After having my daughter who is full of energy and very physical, I became less nervous still. But it didn't change the fact that I wasn't sure just how I'd feel about having a boy.
I didn't realize was just how much I would love having a son.
I knew I would love him and that I would even enjoy raising a boy. But I just didn't know how much. Because I am loving it, and him, SO VERY MUCH!
My mom told me that having a boy is like having a little boyfriend. You've got this little guy to cuddle and kiss, a little man to go with you to the store or park or wherever, a guy who's face lights up when he sees you.
But I find I'm much more forgiving to my son that I would be to a boyfriend. For instance, I laugh when the Pookie sticks his hands down my shirt or nuzzles my breasts, even if we are around other people. That would not have been okay for a boyfriend. Or the fact that I think it's funny that he sticks his hands down his pants (except during teething phases when I know his hands will shortly be going in his mouth--that's when we make sure he's got a onsie on). The only other time I thought that was funny was when Al Bundy would do it on Married with Children.
Although my little guy LOVES my breasts and thinks nothing of sticking his hands in his diaper, I think the world of him. And to put modesty aside, I know he thinks the world of me. Without my doing anything specific (or perhaps it's more honest to say doing anything different from what I did with the Pumpkin), the Pookie is a mama's boy. And I'm loving every second of it!
But having a son? That made me a bit nervous. Not a lot nervous, because I have always loved hanging out with the guys. But a bit nervous because everyone said that they are full of energy, are so physical and not as emotionally sensitive as girls. After having my daughter who is full of energy and very physical, I became less nervous still. But it didn't change the fact that I wasn't sure just how I'd feel about having a boy.
I didn't realize was just how much I would love having a son.
I knew I would love him and that I would even enjoy raising a boy. But I just didn't know how much. Because I am loving it, and him, SO VERY MUCH!
My mom told me that having a boy is like having a little boyfriend. You've got this little guy to cuddle and kiss, a little man to go with you to the store or park or wherever, a guy who's face lights up when he sees you.
But I find I'm much more forgiving to my son that I would be to a boyfriend. For instance, I laugh when the Pookie sticks his hands down my shirt or nuzzles my breasts, even if we are around other people. That would not have been okay for a boyfriend. Or the fact that I think it's funny that he sticks his hands down his pants (except during teething phases when I know his hands will shortly be going in his mouth--that's when we make sure he's got a onsie on). The only other time I thought that was funny was when Al Bundy would do it on Married with Children.
Although my little guy LOVES my breasts and thinks nothing of sticking his hands in his diaper, I think the world of him. And to put modesty aside, I know he thinks the world of me. Without my doing anything specific (or perhaps it's more honest to say doing anything different from what I did with the Pumpkin), the Pookie is a mama's boy. And I'm loving every second of it!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Oh, The Drama!
A few weeks ago, the Pumpkin's school sent home a flier for the after-school classes they were going to offer. I'd just been thinking about signing her up for some classes, but timing is such an issue with Londo and I working full time outside the house. So classes right there at her school while she is there for after-hours care anyway? Sign us up!
There were two classes available for her age, Art Class and Drama Class. At the moment, we are (still) totally strapped for moolah, so we could only sign her up for one class at her school (I had already told her I would sign her up for dance classes, and that's outside of her school). I believe both Londo and I were ready to just sign her up for the Art Class, knowing how much she always has loved art. But I had the thought that we should offer her both and let her pick.
I told her that her school was offering Art Class or Drama Class, and she could pick one. She asked what drama was, and when I explained that it was pretend play where you could pretend to be other people and dress up and sometimes sign and dance... well it was like rainbows and unicorns and roses were falling into her lap!
With a voice full of excitment and wonder, she immediately said, "Drama!"
I responded, "Really? You want to take Drama and not Art?"
"Yes," she said, emphatically. "Drama!"
Even though it seems like an obvious fit for her now, at the time Londo and I both had really assumed she'd want to do art. So we were surprised. Not just at her answer, but her assuredness in her answer about this new thing. And she was sure. Londo doubled checked next, and she held strong with her answer of "Drama!" I asked one more time before we filled in the paperwork and wrote the check. "Drama!"
Once we thought about it, it made so much sense. The Pumpkin is highly energetic, loves to be the center of attention, and is very dramatic in pretty much everything she does. The girl is a Drama Girl. She enjoys dressing up, and she especially loves playing pretend. She has an incredible imagination, and she is really good at making up scenarios with imaginary friends from TV shows (we've had Dora, Boots and Benny over for tea many times, and lately the Animal Mechanicals Rex and Sasquatch have been playing with us). She loves to sing and dance. And watch out if you give that girl a microphone!
She had the first Drama Class last Friday, and she said it was lots of fun. They apparently ran around in a circle a lot doing different movements. She said they galloped, and I'm guessing they pretended to be a horse or something like that. One class in, and she's loving it.
Coincidentally, my sister's daughter's 5th birthday party last Saturday was at the local theater watching a children's play. It was an hour long musical called Click Clack Moo, based on the children's book of the same name. Although the Pumpkin was a bit upset when I explained that we would just be sitting in the audience, not actually doing the drama, she was still excited to go.
She sat through the whole thing fascinated. I was quite impressed that through the show she didn't fidget much, didn't get up at all, didn't really talk, laughed at the funny parts, and really followed what was going on. It was a lot of fun to be able to go to the theater with her and watch a play together. I feel like a whole new world is opening up to us for fun things to do together.
And in the spring? She will be part of the play that her Drama Class is going to put on! I keep imagining the fun we will have going to plays with our Drama Girl!
There were two classes available for her age, Art Class and Drama Class. At the moment, we are (still) totally strapped for moolah, so we could only sign her up for one class at her school (I had already told her I would sign her up for dance classes, and that's outside of her school). I believe both Londo and I were ready to just sign her up for the Art Class, knowing how much she always has loved art. But I had the thought that we should offer her both and let her pick.
I told her that her school was offering Art Class or Drama Class, and she could pick one. She asked what drama was, and when I explained that it was pretend play where you could pretend to be other people and dress up and sometimes sign and dance... well it was like rainbows and unicorns and roses were falling into her lap!
With a voice full of excitment and wonder, she immediately said, "Drama!"
I responded, "Really? You want to take Drama and not Art?"
"Yes," she said, emphatically. "Drama!"
Even though it seems like an obvious fit for her now, at the time Londo and I both had really assumed she'd want to do art. So we were surprised. Not just at her answer, but her assuredness in her answer about this new thing. And she was sure. Londo doubled checked next, and she held strong with her answer of "Drama!" I asked one more time before we filled in the paperwork and wrote the check. "Drama!"
Once we thought about it, it made so much sense. The Pumpkin is highly energetic, loves to be the center of attention, and is very dramatic in pretty much everything she does. The girl is a Drama Girl. She enjoys dressing up, and she especially loves playing pretend. She has an incredible imagination, and she is really good at making up scenarios with imaginary friends from TV shows (we've had Dora, Boots and Benny over for tea many times, and lately the Animal Mechanicals Rex and Sasquatch have been playing with us). She loves to sing and dance. And watch out if you give that girl a microphone!
She had the first Drama Class last Friday, and she said it was lots of fun. They apparently ran around in a circle a lot doing different movements. She said they galloped, and I'm guessing they pretended to be a horse or something like that. One class in, and she's loving it.
Coincidentally, my sister's daughter's 5th birthday party last Saturday was at the local theater watching a children's play. It was an hour long musical called Click Clack Moo, based on the children's book of the same name. Although the Pumpkin was a bit upset when I explained that we would just be sitting in the audience, not actually doing the drama, she was still excited to go.
She sat through the whole thing fascinated. I was quite impressed that through the show she didn't fidget much, didn't get up at all, didn't really talk, laughed at the funny parts, and really followed what was going on. It was a lot of fun to be able to go to the theater with her and watch a play together. I feel like a whole new world is opening up to us for fun things to do together.
And in the spring? She will be part of the play that her Drama Class is going to put on! I keep imagining the fun we will have going to plays with our Drama Girl!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
See How They Grow
It's really amazing to me to watch these children of mine grow. Seeing the Pookie go through phases that his sister went through before him, reminds me of how far she's come. Which in turn, reminds me of how far the Pookie's come and where he still will go.
At 19 months old, the Pookie is really learning his words and how to tell us exactly what he wants. But when we don't understand or he can't have what he wants, he has a big meltdown. Just like the Pumpkin used to.
At almost 4, however, the Pumpkin starts to get SO upset when we tell her she can't have something, but then I hold up a finger and say, "Hey, hey, hey! Don't you want to hear why you can't do it?" And she stops freaking out, asks to hear why, and then usually understands the reason and is either okay with it or comes up with a compromise or something that works for us all.
Just yesterday morning, the Pumpkin said she wanted a juice box for her lunch. Fine. She's can have one cup of juice a day. I put one in her lunch bag. Then she got one out herself, and she was getting the straw out of it's plastic when I saw what she was doing. I was in the middle of washing some dishes and my hands were all soapy, so I was telling her no, but she was doing it anyway. As she put the straw to her lips, I went towards her, drippy soapy hands and all, saying, "I told you no!"
She said that she wanted a juice now. I said that we already put a juice in her lunch bag, and she was only allowed one juice a day. So she said, "Well, I just want the juice now, not for lunch." So I made sure she understood that meant she'd have water for lunch, and she said fine.
This thinking ahead, understanding limitations, working through the rules and how to get what she wants within the limitations of the rules... It's just amazing to me to watch. Instead of freaking out about wanting to watch a show in the family room, she now understands that if it's not on TV or On Demand, we have to watch it up in my room where it's recorded. Or maybe it's not recorded and she simply has to wait until it comes on later. She GETS it. She understands and doesn't freak out.
And it's really making life easier around here!
Even the Pookie is at an easier stage. He does still freak out when thwarted, but because he's able to say more and indicate more, it's much easier to get him what he is asking for, instead of him just screaming NO until we guess correctly.
The Pookie is also able to understand more complex directions. Instead of just "Give that toy to your sister," I can tell him, "That's your sister's toy, and this one is yours. Give your sister her toy, and you can play with yours." Of course, he doesn't always want to do it, but he does understand and he usually does it.
I'm just really amazed by my kids. I really enjoy watching them learn, grow, develop. I love that my daughter uses the bathroom all by herself in the early morning hours so I don't have to get out of bed. I love that my son gets his own bowl and spoon and box of cereal every morning (and randomly throughout the day, which is a little frustrating when it's almost dinner time and Londo's cooked a delicious meal, but that's a different post!). I especially love to watch them play together and work out their differences and start to understand each other on a new level.
This parenthood thing is definitely worth it.
At 19 months old, the Pookie is really learning his words and how to tell us exactly what he wants. But when we don't understand or he can't have what he wants, he has a big meltdown. Just like the Pumpkin used to.
At almost 4, however, the Pumpkin starts to get SO upset when we tell her she can't have something, but then I hold up a finger and say, "Hey, hey, hey! Don't you want to hear why you can't do it?" And she stops freaking out, asks to hear why, and then usually understands the reason and is either okay with it or comes up with a compromise or something that works for us all.
Just yesterday morning, the Pumpkin said she wanted a juice box for her lunch. Fine. She's can have one cup of juice a day. I put one in her lunch bag. Then she got one out herself, and she was getting the straw out of it's plastic when I saw what she was doing. I was in the middle of washing some dishes and my hands were all soapy, so I was telling her no, but she was doing it anyway. As she put the straw to her lips, I went towards her, drippy soapy hands and all, saying, "I told you no!"
She said that she wanted a juice now. I said that we already put a juice in her lunch bag, and she was only allowed one juice a day. So she said, "Well, I just want the juice now, not for lunch." So I made sure she understood that meant she'd have water for lunch, and she said fine.
This thinking ahead, understanding limitations, working through the rules and how to get what she wants within the limitations of the rules... It's just amazing to me to watch. Instead of freaking out about wanting to watch a show in the family room, she now understands that if it's not on TV or On Demand, we have to watch it up in my room where it's recorded. Or maybe it's not recorded and she simply has to wait until it comes on later. She GETS it. She understands and doesn't freak out.
And it's really making life easier around here!
Even the Pookie is at an easier stage. He does still freak out when thwarted, but because he's able to say more and indicate more, it's much easier to get him what he is asking for, instead of him just screaming NO until we guess correctly.
The Pookie is also able to understand more complex directions. Instead of just "Give that toy to your sister," I can tell him, "That's your sister's toy, and this one is yours. Give your sister her toy, and you can play with yours." Of course, he doesn't always want to do it, but he does understand and he usually does it.
I'm just really amazed by my kids. I really enjoy watching them learn, grow, develop. I love that my daughter uses the bathroom all by herself in the early morning hours so I don't have to get out of bed. I love that my son gets his own bowl and spoon and box of cereal every morning (and randomly throughout the day, which is a little frustrating when it's almost dinner time and Londo's cooked a delicious meal, but that's a different post!). I especially love to watch them play together and work out their differences and start to understand each other on a new level.
This parenthood thing is definitely worth it.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Clumsy Toddling
A few months ago, the Pookie walked up to Londo with his little toddling steps, looked at him, roared like a lion and then... fell down. This is pretty typical for my little boy.
For months now, my son has really loved walking around everywhere. He loves to climb and run and do that arms-thrown-up-legs-going-from-bent-to-strait-not-really-jumping jump and try to keep up with his sister. He didn't start crawling or walking as early as his sister did, but he's definitely within the range of normal. And once he did start moving, he didn't want to stop.
The problem is, well, he is clumsy. It's also probably in the range of normal for a toddler, but Londo and I just aren't sure. In addition to being early with her gross motor skills, the Pumpkin also had natural balance and, I don't know, the opposite of being clumsy. And when she did fall, she would just laugh, get back up and keep going. She rarely actually got hurt, and we think she must have naturally braced herself with her hands and moved her body to absorb the falls better. Or something.
The Pookie, well he is a different person than his sister. He will be running or even walking and then fall down. Even when there is nothing to trip over or cause him to fall down that we can see. And he inevitably ends up with a cut or bruise, usually on his face. Right now, he has a big bruise between his eyes from sliding off the rocking glider and a cut on top of that bruise from falling somewhere else. Even though he was on his stomach on the glider and I thought he would be perfectly fine, he slid right off and banged his face on the wooden legs. And started crying his little heart out. The next day, he fell on something else and that black and blue bruise split into a cut.
It kills us when we are right. there. with him! Watching him, trying to ensure he is safe. And then... BAM! He's down, face first, crying and bleeding. I don't know if most toddlers are this clumsy. I don't know if this is a normal part of the learning curve. I don't know if it's something he'll grow out of or if he'll always be a little clumsy.
Luckily, he is getting better and better controlling his body. He's really stable now when he walks, he's getting much better at climbing, and he's tripping over less things. He still falls a bit and gets bruises and cuts (see earlier incident from glider and who-knows-what-else). But we are getting better and better and being okay with it. It's just part of who he is.
Sometimes, it's even funny. Like when we watch both kids run across the room. The Pumpkin takes off fast... the Pookie takes off right behind her... the Pumpkin makes it halfway across the room... the Pookie goes down with a THUMP! Londo and I just shake our heads and chuckle. I mean, what can you do? We keep looking at each other saying, at least he's adorable. Even with the bumps and bruises.
For months now, my son has really loved walking around everywhere. He loves to climb and run and do that arms-thrown-up-legs-going-from-bent-to-strait-not-really-jumping jump and try to keep up with his sister. He didn't start crawling or walking as early as his sister did, but he's definitely within the range of normal. And once he did start moving, he didn't want to stop.
The problem is, well, he is clumsy. It's also probably in the range of normal for a toddler, but Londo and I just aren't sure. In addition to being early with her gross motor skills, the Pumpkin also had natural balance and, I don't know, the opposite of being clumsy. And when she did fall, she would just laugh, get back up and keep going. She rarely actually got hurt, and we think she must have naturally braced herself with her hands and moved her body to absorb the falls better. Or something.
The Pookie, well he is a different person than his sister. He will be running or even walking and then fall down. Even when there is nothing to trip over or cause him to fall down that we can see. And he inevitably ends up with a cut or bruise, usually on his face. Right now, he has a big bruise between his eyes from sliding off the rocking glider and a cut on top of that bruise from falling somewhere else. Even though he was on his stomach on the glider and I thought he would be perfectly fine, he slid right off and banged his face on the wooden legs. And started crying his little heart out. The next day, he fell on something else and that black and blue bruise split into a cut.
It kills us when we are right. there. with him! Watching him, trying to ensure he is safe. And then... BAM! He's down, face first, crying and bleeding. I don't know if most toddlers are this clumsy. I don't know if this is a normal part of the learning curve. I don't know if it's something he'll grow out of or if he'll always be a little clumsy.
Luckily, he is getting better and better controlling his body. He's really stable now when he walks, he's getting much better at climbing, and he's tripping over less things. He still falls a bit and gets bruises and cuts (see earlier incident from glider and who-knows-what-else). But we are getting better and better and being okay with it. It's just part of who he is.
Sometimes, it's even funny. Like when we watch both kids run across the room. The Pumpkin takes off fast... the Pookie takes off right behind her... the Pumpkin makes it halfway across the room... the Pookie goes down with a THUMP! Londo and I just shake our heads and chuckle. I mean, what can you do? We keep looking at each other saying, at least he's adorable. Even with the bumps and bruises.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Holidays Are Really Becoming Enjoyable
Before I start my blathering about Thanksgiving, I want to send out a congratulations to Jac. on her new baby girl! Welcome to the world, little one!
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As I said previously, Thanksgiving was lovely. Truly, it was.
The Pumpkin was fully recovered from her surgery, and spent her Wednesday off from school at my mom’s “helping” her cook and decorate. When I called my mom in the afternoon and asked if the Pumpkin was truly helping or hindering, she laughed and said, “Both!” I know how that goes, and in fact I got to experience it once again on Thanksgiving when we baked together.
Because of my love of and skill for baking, I bring a pie for family holidays. Londo makes the best mashed potatoes and mashed sweet potatoes I’ve ever had (except possibly tied with his mom’s mashed potatoes), so Iinsist encourage him to make that for our holidays. I let Londo have the kitchen first, and it worked out that the Pookie needed an early nap so I was able to bake with the Pumpkin while he napped and Londo was done hogging using the kitchen.
The Pumpkin is getting better and better about waiting to “help” until I’ve got things set up and waiting for my instructions before touching things. Generally. What we got into an “argument” about was that she kept trying to eat the pie dough before I had rolled it. I told her she could have some of what was left after I rolled the crusts so we would be sure to have enough for the pie, but she kept sneaking pieces. Not so sneakily. I got frustrated enough that I got her down from the chair she was standing on and told her she couldn’t help anymore. After that, she listened. Mostly.
I tried a new recipe for the pie filling, which is very similar to the way I usually make my apple pies. It was delicious! And overall, it was enjoyable to bake with my little girl. It was really nice to be able to announce to the extended family that the Pumpkin and I made the pie together!
We went to my parents’ house for the family gathering and dinner. I am so fortunate that my sister and brother and their families live right around us, as do members of my extended family. Holidays and gatherings at my parents’ house is full of family, friends, great food, good conversations and lots of love and laughter.
For the last few years, though, there has been an added element to our holidays. Make that elementS plural. The Young Kids. First my sister’s daughter, who turns 5 (FIVE!) in February, then my brother’s twins who turn 5 (FIVE!) in May, then my daughter (four in March), my son (18 months in December) and my sister’s son (1 last September). Plus my brother’s oldest, who will be SIXTEEN in December!!!
The Young Kids bring with them chaos, more laughter, yelling, crying, more love, clinginess, playfulness, toys, cuteness, and did I mention the chaos?
But this year… this year… the chaos wasn’t as chaotic? The yelling wasn’t as loud? My daughter is capable of playing on her own more, and mybaby toddler is not as clingy to me. The cousins and my daughter are fine going off to play or hanging out in the family room with toys or sitting around the appetizers on counter stools. My sister’s son actually took a nap during the commotion in the kids room upstairs. And my son? He spent the whole time happily toddling around, mostly pushing cars in the doll stroller, going around and around the circuit of my parent’s main floor. Only twice did I “lose” him, and only once was he into something he shouldn’t have been.
When Londo realized I was looking for him (for a second time), he joined in the search and found him coming up the stairs from the basement. Um, whoops. We didn’t know he could go DOWN stairs! We still think he shouldn’t be doing that alone. And from now on I’ll watch him more carefully when he’s near the stairs at my parent’s house. Probably. (Londo, if you are reading this, I totally will! I only put probably for comedic effect!) (If you aren’t Londo, than I really did mean probably. But don’t tell him that. Heh.)
There was some yelling and I did have to search out my nieces at one point and herd them back into the kitchen/family room area. And there certainly was commotion. But it was the wonderful kind of commotion that you (or at least I) expect and even want from a family gathering.
For the actual dinner, we set up the pre-schoolers at the kitchen table, calling it The Kids’ Table, while we adults went into the dinning room for dinner (with my toddler with us in a high chair—my sister’s boy was still napping). I have such fond memories of the kids’ table at the family gatherings at my grandmother’s house, that I was excited for my kids to start that tradition. My sister, BIL, brother and SIL were an easy sell. Although it didn’t last too long, it was a great first attempt at having a separate kids’ table. I can’t wait until we can set the toddlers up at the kids table with the pre-schoolers. I think they will have so much fun.
It’s just amazing to watch my kids and my siblings’ kids grow up and become more and more capable and more interesting. From my daughter running into the family room when we first arrived yelling “Hello, everybody!” to my nieces playing on their own to my son and sister’s son following after their older boy cousin to the kids eating at The Kids’ Table.
It was a lovely Thanksgiving.
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As I said previously, Thanksgiving was lovely. Truly, it was.
The Pumpkin was fully recovered from her surgery, and spent her Wednesday off from school at my mom’s “helping” her cook and decorate. When I called my mom in the afternoon and asked if the Pumpkin was truly helping or hindering, she laughed and said, “Both!” I know how that goes, and in fact I got to experience it once again on Thanksgiving when we baked together.
Because of my love of and skill for baking, I bring a pie for family holidays. Londo makes the best mashed potatoes and mashed sweet potatoes I’ve ever had (except possibly tied with his mom’s mashed potatoes), so I
The Pumpkin is getting better and better about waiting to “help” until I’ve got things set up and waiting for my instructions before touching things. Generally. What we got into an “argument” about was that she kept trying to eat the pie dough before I had rolled it. I told her she could have some of what was left after I rolled the crusts so we would be sure to have enough for the pie, but she kept sneaking pieces. Not so sneakily. I got frustrated enough that I got her down from the chair she was standing on and told her she couldn’t help anymore. After that, she listened. Mostly.
I tried a new recipe for the pie filling, which is very similar to the way I usually make my apple pies. It was delicious! And overall, it was enjoyable to bake with my little girl. It was really nice to be able to announce to the extended family that the Pumpkin and I made the pie together!
We went to my parents’ house for the family gathering and dinner. I am so fortunate that my sister and brother and their families live right around us, as do members of my extended family. Holidays and gatherings at my parents’ house is full of family, friends, great food, good conversations and lots of love and laughter.
For the last few years, though, there has been an added element to our holidays. Make that elementS plural. The Young Kids. First my sister’s daughter, who turns 5 (FIVE!) in February, then my brother’s twins who turn 5 (FIVE!) in May, then my daughter (four in March), my son (18 months in December) and my sister’s son (1 last September). Plus my brother’s oldest, who will be SIXTEEN in December!!!
The Young Kids bring with them chaos, more laughter, yelling, crying, more love, clinginess, playfulness, toys, cuteness, and did I mention the chaos?
But this year… this year… the chaos wasn’t as chaotic? The yelling wasn’t as loud? My daughter is capable of playing on her own more, and my
When Londo realized I was looking for him (for a second time), he joined in the search and found him coming up the stairs from the basement. Um, whoops. We didn’t know he could go DOWN stairs! We still think he shouldn’t be doing that alone. And from now on I’ll watch him more carefully when he’s near the stairs at my parent’s house. Probably. (Londo, if you are reading this, I totally will! I only put probably for comedic effect!) (If you aren’t Londo, than I really did mean probably. But don’t tell him that. Heh.)
There was some yelling and I did have to search out my nieces at one point and herd them back into the kitchen/family room area. And there certainly was commotion. But it was the wonderful kind of commotion that you (or at least I) expect and even want from a family gathering.
For the actual dinner, we set up the pre-schoolers at the kitchen table, calling it The Kids’ Table, while we adults went into the dinning room for dinner (with my toddler with us in a high chair—my sister’s boy was still napping). I have such fond memories of the kids’ table at the family gatherings at my grandmother’s house, that I was excited for my kids to start that tradition. My sister, BIL, brother and SIL were an easy sell. Although it didn’t last too long, it was a great first attempt at having a separate kids’ table. I can’t wait until we can set the toddlers up at the kids table with the pre-schoolers. I think they will have so much fun.
It’s just amazing to watch my kids and my siblings’ kids grow up and become more and more capable and more interesting. From my daughter running into the family room when we first arrived yelling “Hello, everybody!” to my nieces playing on their own to my son and sister’s son following after their older boy cousin to the kids eating at The Kids’ Table.
It was a lovely Thanksgiving.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Getting What He Wants Without Words
The Pookie is almost 17 months old. He has really great receptive language skills. He obviously understands a great deal, and he generally knows what the words are that we are saying to him. His own verbalizing, however, is not as advanced as his receptive skills. He does have quite a few words, but his pronounciation leaves a lot to be desired.
For example, instead of "mama," he says "nahnah." I'll take it, of course, cause at least he's saying something intending to be mama. But he does not pronounce Ms when he should. He also says "ick" instead of "milk," but he accompanies it with the sign for milk, which he does for some other words, too. He's makes specific noises and is learning the signs for cracker, cereal, water, more and all done. Actually, he has the words "all done" down pat.
For many other words or to convey meaning, he indicates with gestures and noises which we try to figure out. He gets frustrated, and that frustration comes out in ways I'm sure you all know. He gets mad and yells, he fusses and whines, and he throws things and has tantrums when thwarted or unable to get what he wants. In other words, he's a toddler with limited verbal skills.
Yesterday morning, the boy was up at 5:00. I tried to get him to go back to sleep, but it was no use. I let him play in his room for a while, but he kept fussing. Finally, at about 6:30 I brought him downstairs to feed the dog and just be somewhere else where he hopefully wouldn't wake up his sister and dad.
He was very happy to be downstairs. He helped me feed the dog and let her out, and then I went to get him milk. In fact, he asked for milk by name, though not sign. "Ick! Ick!" he said, pointing to the fridge. "Yes, yes. I'm getting your milk," I told him.
But when I handed him his sippy cup of milk, he yelled, "NO!" and slammed it down. "But little guy, that's what you asked for," I reminded him. But still, no. He didn't want the sippy cup. I decide to try him with water, which is sometimes what he wants instead of milk. Nope, no water. He again says milk and points to the fridge. I try to hand him his sippy cup, but that's still not what he wants.
He went to the cabinet with the kids' stuff. Oh, have I mentioned that he can totally undo all the baby-proofing on the cabinets? Yeah, that's fun. So he opens the baby-proofed cabinet and takes out a kid spoon. He walks back to the table. I think, well, maybe he's hungry. I try to put him in his highchair, but he freaks out.
Okay, no highchair. That's not new. Lately, he's started climbing in the real chairs around the table and wanting to be there unstead of the highchair. Over the weekend, we pulled out the Pumpkin's old booster seat for him to use at the table, and he's liked that a lot. Which of course means he rarely wants to be in the highchair, although he still sometimes tries to climb in it to indicate that he's hungry.
Even in my half-awake daze, I realize that he seems to want something specific. I start to piece it all together. He got a spoon and wants milk from the fridge. He is by the table but doesn't want to get in his highchair. It's morning and he's been up for quite a while, and he didn't eat much for dinner the night before. I think he must be hungry, and he usually has cereal in the morning. He doesn't usually remember the sign for cereal and I've never heard him say the word cereal, at least in a way I've understood.
So I ask him, "Do you want cereal?" He makes babbles that are not in disagreement. I go to the kids' cabinet and pull out a kid bowl. He looks excited by this development. I put the bowl on the table. I pull out Life and Cheerios and offer both to him. He quickly moves straight for the Life cereal.
I put that and the spoon on the table and help him climb into the booster seat at the table. He picks up the spoon and points to his bowl, making "ooo ooo" noises. I pour in the cereal, and he's obviously happy. He says "ick ick!" and I pour in the milk.
Delighted, he happily starts digging in to his cereal with both spoon and hand, as he does these days. He's sitting where he wants, eating exactly what he wants, eating the way he wants. Oh yes, he's a happy boy now!
Although he can get across what he wants without having the words, it would have been much easier and quicker if he did have the words. Someday, he will. For now, we'll keep trying to figure it out in other ways and teach him more signs.
For example, instead of "mama," he says "nahnah." I'll take it, of course, cause at least he's saying something intending to be mama. But he does not pronounce Ms when he should. He also says "ick" instead of "milk," but he accompanies it with the sign for milk, which he does for some other words, too. He's makes specific noises and is learning the signs for cracker, cereal, water, more and all done. Actually, he has the words "all done" down pat.
For many other words or to convey meaning, he indicates with gestures and noises which we try to figure out. He gets frustrated, and that frustration comes out in ways I'm sure you all know. He gets mad and yells, he fusses and whines, and he throws things and has tantrums when thwarted or unable to get what he wants. In other words, he's a toddler with limited verbal skills.
Yesterday morning, the boy was up at 5:00. I tried to get him to go back to sleep, but it was no use. I let him play in his room for a while, but he kept fussing. Finally, at about 6:30 I brought him downstairs to feed the dog and just be somewhere else where he hopefully wouldn't wake up his sister and dad.
He was very happy to be downstairs. He helped me feed the dog and let her out, and then I went to get him milk. In fact, he asked for milk by name, though not sign. "Ick! Ick!" he said, pointing to the fridge. "Yes, yes. I'm getting your milk," I told him.
But when I handed him his sippy cup of milk, he yelled, "NO!" and slammed it down. "But little guy, that's what you asked for," I reminded him. But still, no. He didn't want the sippy cup. I decide to try him with water, which is sometimes what he wants instead of milk. Nope, no water. He again says milk and points to the fridge. I try to hand him his sippy cup, but that's still not what he wants.
He went to the cabinet with the kids' stuff. Oh, have I mentioned that he can totally undo all the baby-proofing on the cabinets? Yeah, that's fun. So he opens the baby-proofed cabinet and takes out a kid spoon. He walks back to the table. I think, well, maybe he's hungry. I try to put him in his highchair, but he freaks out.
Okay, no highchair. That's not new. Lately, he's started climbing in the real chairs around the table and wanting to be there unstead of the highchair. Over the weekend, we pulled out the Pumpkin's old booster seat for him to use at the table, and he's liked that a lot. Which of course means he rarely wants to be in the highchair, although he still sometimes tries to climb in it to indicate that he's hungry.
Even in my half-awake daze, I realize that he seems to want something specific. I start to piece it all together. He got a spoon and wants milk from the fridge. He is by the table but doesn't want to get in his highchair. It's morning and he's been up for quite a while, and he didn't eat much for dinner the night before. I think he must be hungry, and he usually has cereal in the morning. He doesn't usually remember the sign for cereal and I've never heard him say the word cereal, at least in a way I've understood.
So I ask him, "Do you want cereal?" He makes babbles that are not in disagreement. I go to the kids' cabinet and pull out a kid bowl. He looks excited by this development. I put the bowl on the table. I pull out Life and Cheerios and offer both to him. He quickly moves straight for the Life cereal.
I put that and the spoon on the table and help him climb into the booster seat at the table. He picks up the spoon and points to his bowl, making "ooo ooo" noises. I pour in the cereal, and he's obviously happy. He says "ick ick!" and I pour in the milk.
Delighted, he happily starts digging in to his cereal with both spoon and hand, as he does these days. He's sitting where he wants, eating exactly what he wants, eating the way he wants. Oh yes, he's a happy boy now!
Although he can get across what he wants without having the words, it would have been much easier and quicker if he did have the words. Someday, he will. For now, we'll keep trying to figure it out in other ways and teach him more signs.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Pushing Her Boundries
We know that it takes my daughter time to transition. Even when the big transitions seem to go smoothly, especially at first, Londo and I are very aware that there are going to be issues. The Pumpkin needs a lot of advance notice and time to adjust to the thought of something new. If it's a big thing, like a new schoool, we plan way ahead (usually). We also know to allow for time after the transition for her to get used to the new situation.
This is the fourth week my daughter will have been at her new school. (Or as she calls it, "Another new school" just to twist the knife in her mama's heart. Heh.) Her teachers say she's doing great. Apparently, she is learning the rules, starting to do the "work," adjusting to the Montessori method, getting along fine with the other kids, and generally doing fine. I'm betting they don't believe me (or probably simply don't even remember that I told them) that the Pumpkin needs time to transition.
So things are going pretty smoothly at school. Guess where the difficulties with the transition are showing up? You know it's at home!
Of course, in addition to the school transition, she's also 3.5, which is supposed to be the start of (yet another) period of disequilibrium. All I know is that things are (yet again) really tough.
She's contantly arguing and being contrary. She's throwing things and specifically doing things she knows she not supposed to. She kicked the dog on purpose. She pulls blankets that the Pookie is holding on to, knowing it will make him fall. And most lovely of all, she's started spitting. Which, it turns out, is one of my hot buttons that I didn't know about until she looked right at me and spit at me this morning! URG!
Londo says that time outs aren't working for him, and they only work for me in the sense that it sometimes gets her out of the downward spiral of bad behavoir that she gets into. It certainly doesn't work as punishment, because it takes some effort, and therefore interaction, for us to keep her in time out. Which turns it into a game for her and just cranks up our seeing-red factor. We are going to have a talk, probably tonight, about what we might actually work for punishments, since we feel she is old enough to get in actual trouble for kicking the dog, throwing things at her brother or spitting at us.
I know, I know, that it's their "job" to test their boundries. This is what pre-schoolers do. I know, I know, that she does this with us because she knows we will love her no matter what, that she feels comfortable enough with us to let out her emotions, have her tantrums and push her boundries.
But frankly, it's exhausting and SOOOO frustrating.
The good thing--actually, the really great thing is that she is so awesome most of the time. She is able to do so much! She's like a little person now, not some baby or toddler. She can think things through, she remembers a ton and notices details, she can play in more imaginative ways and even by herself, she is interested in books and puzzles and arts and crafts, and she is able to have interesting conversations.
She's funny and smart and an amazing child. I want to concentrate on that, but I do still have to vent about those boundries that she pushes. It's her job to push them, I just wish she didn't take her job so seriously and wasn't so darn good at it.
This is the fourth week my daughter will have been at her new school. (Or as she calls it, "Another new school" just to twist the knife in her mama's heart. Heh.) Her teachers say she's doing great. Apparently, she is learning the rules, starting to do the "work," adjusting to the Montessori method, getting along fine with the other kids, and generally doing fine. I'm betting they don't believe me (or probably simply don't even remember that I told them) that the Pumpkin needs time to transition.
So things are going pretty smoothly at school. Guess where the difficulties with the transition are showing up? You know it's at home!
Of course, in addition to the school transition, she's also 3.5, which is supposed to be the start of (yet another) period of disequilibrium. All I know is that things are (yet again) really tough.
She's contantly arguing and being contrary. She's throwing things and specifically doing things she knows she not supposed to. She kicked the dog on purpose. She pulls blankets that the Pookie is holding on to, knowing it will make him fall. And most lovely of all, she's started spitting. Which, it turns out, is one of my hot buttons that I didn't know about until she looked right at me and spit at me this morning! URG!
Londo says that time outs aren't working for him, and they only work for me in the sense that it sometimes gets her out of the downward spiral of bad behavoir that she gets into. It certainly doesn't work as punishment, because it takes some effort, and therefore interaction, for us to keep her in time out. Which turns it into a game for her and just cranks up our seeing-red factor. We are going to have a talk, probably tonight, about what we might actually work for punishments, since we feel she is old enough to get in actual trouble for kicking the dog, throwing things at her brother or spitting at us.
I know, I know, that it's their "job" to test their boundries. This is what pre-schoolers do. I know, I know, that she does this with us because she knows we will love her no matter what, that she feels comfortable enough with us to let out her emotions, have her tantrums and push her boundries.
But frankly, it's exhausting and SOOOO frustrating.
The good thing--actually, the really great thing is that she is so awesome most of the time. She is able to do so much! She's like a little person now, not some baby or toddler. She can think things through, she remembers a ton and notices details, she can play in more imaginative ways and even by herself, she is interested in books and puzzles and arts and crafts, and she is able to have interesting conversations.
She's funny and smart and an amazing child. I want to concentrate on that, but I do still have to vent about those boundries that she pushes. It's her job to push them, I just wish she didn't take her job so seriously and wasn't so darn good at it.
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