While I've Been... Nowhere

I don't know about everyone else out there in the world, but I suspect most people are feeling completely stir-crazy... the way I'm feeling. I was doing fine for many months. But now we are about to start the sixth month of being shut in and limiting, well, everything. 

You see, last winter I learned I have hypertension, which puts me in a higher-risk category for COVID-19. And this spring I learned that when it comes to pandemics, I'm on the extremely wary side of the caution spectrum. Also, I've worked too long supporting the health market/industry/government and with too many epidemiologists to not be flat out terrified of this novel virus.  

So our household is locked down as much as possible. None of us meet people for social-distanced walks or lunches in a park. We don't chance any gatherings, do any shopping, or eat anywhere but home. Londo has done almost all of the required trips out, and we follow a strict process for anything that comes into the house.  

In general, we've managed pretty well. However, I realized recently that I've reached my limit in being fine staying in. I now truly have gotten stir crazy and frustrated. I feel isolated. I long to spend physical time with family and friends. I deeply miss activities in places I will not go these days. 

It occurred to me the last time I felt trapped at home, isolated, and lonely for other humans was when I had babies... and that is why I started this blog in the first place! So it seems like a good time to try to start writing again. 

I will start with what I have done during these pandemic months, and what I've learned from doing them. In the past five months, I have: 

• Stayed home with my husband, two kids, and two dogs.
  I have learned... it's a good thing I like the people I live with! We all truly like each other and enjoy the time we spend together. Except the dogs--they don't really like each other or get along.
• Learned to cook curries!
  I have learned... there are easy recipes that make cooking Indian food not as hard as I thought it would be. And apparently I LOVE chickpea and sweet potato curry!
• Been working out regularly, including doing the Insanity workout again, and 'm currently in the second to last week (I've done the workout in previous years two other times). 
  I have learned... even at 44, I can be in really good shape, and I still love crazy hard workouts. 
• Spent a week with the kids at my parents' beach house (near the beach, not right at it, and we did not actually go to the beach).
  I have learned... a change of indoor scenery is really nice, even if you don't go out anywhere. I need to do that again soon.
• Supported the kids through virtual camps (they each had three virtual camps).
  I have learned... although they didn't enjoy all of the camps, they did have fun and learned things. And it was good for them to be able to do things other than watch TV. This has been the summer of TV for them. 
• Created a camp I called Candy Camp for my kids and my best friend's youngest to do remotely. 
  I have learned... I can create pretty professional distance/remote camp, and it is really fun to make up your own candy and help your kids realize their delicious designs. 
• Had many virtual lunches, happy hours, teas, and chats.
  I have learned... I'm perfectly fine doing these things virtually in place of being in person. While not the same, it works for me as a substitute.
• Gone to the doctors' office, lab for blood work, pharmacy, grocery store (once), comic book store (once), and Goodwill's donation drive-thru (once).
  I have learned... I can shop for most things online and do most appointments virtually. 
• Gotten new kitchen appliances!
  I have learned... they make stove ranges with double ovens!!! And that people can really be great and supportive over the phone while you make big purchases. 
• Interviewed, accepted, and started a new job.
  I have learned... It is possible to leave a company and start with a new one all virtually. 
• Worked from home full time.
  I have learned... I'm really glad I redid my office/guest room last winter! Working from home is so much better if you have everything set up in a way that is conducive to the way you work and in an environment that makes you happy. 

Huh. I really have done a lot. There is a lot more I can do, also. Including writing again. 

We Take to the Slopes

In January, I planned a ski weekend for my family with my brother, his twins and my parents. (My sister and her kids couldn't make it.) I'm very lucky that we have family who has a house by a ski resort within a few hours of where we live, so we had a free place to stay. My brother and I priced out how much the skis, lift tickets and classes would be for us all, and we went for it!


I first learned to ski when we were on a trip to New Hampshire when I was probably 8 or 9. I remember... bundling up in my furry gray and white coat... how difficult it was to move around in skis... the lesson I took with my sister... how lost I felt when I slipped off the J-bar behind the trees when no one else was around... and the exhilaration of sliding down the hill while in control of my movements and speed! I loved it! After that, we went skiing pretty much every year at one of the ski resorts close to where we lived.


Londo used to ski, but he didn't grow up skiing like I did. Then, he hurt his knee pretty bad the last time he went skiing,--which was why it was the last time he went skiing. Londo really enjoyed skiing prior to that, and he supported taking the kids to learn to ski. In fact, he would have gone on the bunny slopes with us, except he got really sick with a cold and couldn't be outside and/or active. But he did come up for the weekend and stayed at the lodge with my parents while my brother and I took the four kids out to the slopes.


The Pumpkin was VERY excited to learn to ski. She was almost 10, and I felt she was ready to ski. When I first mentioned it a couple of months earlier, she immediately said she wanted to learn. The Pookie was not so sure. He is two years younger (7 and a half), and these days he gets anxious about learning new things or trying things outside his normal routines. But I showed them both a video of some little kid doing the pizza wedge (I grew up calling it the snowplow) down a bunny hill, and that got him interested. He thought it looked pretty easy and maybe even a little fun. He agreed to try it.


My brother's kids were only kind of interested, but they don't always want to try new things either. However, the twins are about to turn 11, and my brother wanted to make sure they at least attempted to learn at this age. He loves to ski as much as I do, so he wanted to share it with them. In order to preempt any arguments about it, he outright bribed them. He offered them each $10 if they at least tried the lesson.


We rented all our gear (with Londo being our hero and running across the entire resort to get us goggles even though he was sick); however we had to wait a while for the next class to begin. So my brother and I showed the kids how to put the skis on and take them off. We showed them how to move around on the flattish ground, but it is not nearly as easy as it looks! Still, the Pumpkin seemed to pick it up pretty quickly, and the Pookie fell a bit but seemed okay. My brother's son fell down constantly, but he got back up every time and kept trying. I was rather impressed with that grit! My brother's daughter struggled to move herself on the skis. I think she was getting pretty frustrated.


My brother and I took the beginners lesson with the kids (which turned out to be SUCH a good idea). When it started, the instructor had us take off our skis and go up the "magic carpets" to the top of the bunny slope.

When we got to the top, I learned that my brother's daughter had opted out. My brother made sure she understood that she would get $10 if she did the lesson, but she was uncomfortable and did not want to continue. (Luckily, the resort let him return her skis later for full reimbursement.) His son then asked if he would get the $10 even if he fell during the lesson, to which my brother said of course! So his daughter went into the lodge with Londo and my parents, and his son continued on with us.


The instructor was great, showing us how to move without our skis actually on. Then we tried with one ski on, then the other, and then both. The Pumpkin seems to pick up on it pretty well, and the Pookie struggled a bit but was making progress. My nephew was still falling a lot, but he continued to get back up and try again!


Then we started moving downhill. The instructor would go across the hill and a little ways down. Then she would signal the next person to come down, and then the next. Sometimes, she would come back up and help a person down (most of the class were kids, and it was everyone's first time, except my brother and me ). I watched as my daughter went down, doing pretty well for her first time! Then I went down... boy, it had been a long time since I've skied! Last time was before kids, so over 10 years ago!


And then I looked up to see my son hesitant to come down. I had been helping him quite a bit at the top of the hill, and I realized too late that I should not have come down before him. The instructor went up to help him, but I felt my heart in my throat when I watched him. He was nervous. He was not steady. Here was my boy up the hill on skis while I watched from below. He held on to the instructor's pole, which she held out horizontally, and came down with her.


The next two passes across the hill were as shallow as the first. The Pumpkin was still doing great, and I went down with the Pookie, with my pole out for him to hold. Then, the instructor went farther down the hill than she had before. I watched my brother, nephew and daughter do fine. Then, I went with the Pookie.


He was really anxious about this pass, since it was steeper than all the others. But I took him slowly, and he did okay. His biggest problem was keeping his skis in a wedge without crossing them, and I realized he would have done a lot better with shorter skis (lesson learned for next time). When we got to the stopping point of this pass, he fell over. I sat on the ground with him and pointed out that we had only a few more passes to go.


His eyes went wide.


"No, Mommy! I just can't do it!" He said to me, pleadingly. And I realized that was as much as he could do. He had done great! He had made it through the lesson itself, and we were just practicing pizza wedges to the bottom. He hadn't complained, he didn't have any meltdowns (something we are dealing with lately), and he really did try hard the whole time! He simply did not have the ability to keep his legs far enough apart in a wedge to keep the skis from crossing.


I looked up at my brother, who quickly said that he could go down with the Pumpkin and his son. She was doing really well and didn't need much supervision. I thanked him and took off my son's skis and my skis. I carried all the skis and poles, and the Pookie and I walked down the last part of the bunny hill.


Londo was at the bottom, and I watched the Pumpkin ski right up to him! She did great! When the Pookie and I walked up to him, I knew he was worried that our son had thrown some sort of fit, so I quickly explained how well he did and that we just walked down the last part. And we all went in to the lodge for lunch!


After lunch, we started talking about what we were doing next. Most people were ready to go back to the house. Just as I started to agree that we should all go back, the Pumpkin piped up, "I want to go back out and ski more! Mom, I wanted to ski with you."


YES! There it is... the thing I was hoping for... the beginnings of a Ski Buddy!


I've needed a ski buddy for years. With Londo not skiing any more (in fact, he stopped before we even met) and most people busy with their kids, I need someone to go with--ideally without leaving Londo with both kids for a weekend. And my kid wanted to go with me! I quickly agreed, and since we took two cars from the house, it worked out well.


This post is too long already, so I will write up my wonderful time skiing with my new ski buddy later.


But here was the after-lunch tally:
- Caramama: Happy to have a ski bunny and going back to the bunny slopes.
- The Pumpkin: LOVED skiing and going back to the bunny slopes.
- The Pookie: Tried skiing, but struggled enough for one day and going back to the house.
- Londo: Really quite sick and going back to the house.
- Brother: Going to the more advanced slopes for some time to ski by himself.
- Nephew: Tried skiing and did alright, but ready to go back to the house.
- Niece: Got on skis, but did not try skiing and very ready to go back to the house.
- Mom: Going back to the house.
- Dad: Staying in the lodge (working on his computer) to wait for us and drive us back. (Isn't he a great guy? This was totally his choice, too, since either my brother or I could have driven back.)


More to come...

First Camping Trip with Kids

Two weekends ago, Londo and I took the kids on an overnight camping trip. That's right, this Family That Travels went to the woods! And stayed in a tent!

I may not seem to be a camping or outdoorsy type of gal, but I actually love the outdoors and really have enjoyed camping. I have very fond memories of camping with my family, and I had a great time going with Londo and friends when we were in grad school. The trips haven't always been perfect, but that's part of the point. It's not just that I like the idea of camping, it's that I'm willing to accept that "roughing it" may be rough at time!

On the flip side, Londo has been camping regularly his whole life. He has all this knowledge about living in the outdoors, and he gets more enjoyment from nature (especially woods and mountains) than anyone else I know. He has all the gear and then some.

We've been wanting to take the kids for a few years, but Londo was concerned that the kids were too young. This year, we decided that they were probably old enough for us to try it. We decided we would go this year, this fall. Just an overnight at a nearby campgrounds to try it out. And that's what we did last weekend.

You know how you can like the idea of something but in reality it doesn't live up to your idea? Well, I'm happy to say that didn't happen! And it really was because of Londo. He made sure that things went smoothly, that there was enough to entertain the children, that we had everything we needed and that we were all set up.

It also went so well because we went with my brother, his wife, their teenager and their 5 year old twins. My brother and SIL were campers before having kids, their teenager is awesome, and the twins are fun and play really well with my kids. It was a smart plan to go in a big, fun group.

For this first trip, we rented a camping site at a state park about an hour from our house. My brother's family got the spot directly across from us. It was one of those spots that you pull the car up to and lay out your tent on a flattened, gravel surface. It had a metal, circular area for the camp fire, including a grill top for it. It also had a picnic table, an electrical outlet and was right near the bathrooms.

What can I say. We weren't going to rough it too hard for our first trip with a four year old and two year old!

The first unexpected issue we ran into was one I never suspected we'd have to worry about. Londo had laid out the tarp along the gravel and was just getting the tent ready to put up, when I realized that there were peanut shells EVERYWHERE. This was not some case of a few shells left behind and easy to clean up. They were all over every part of the gravel.

Okay, people. The first rule of camping is leave the area as you found. I don't care if peanut shells are biodegradable. They are litter when left behind all over the place. Not only that, but they are a serious health and safety hazard for my daughter who has a peanut allergy!

This campgrounds are specifically aimed at camping with families. And with peanut allergies on the rise, I find it irresponsible for people to leave behind peanut shells literally covering the ground. There were so many that Londo quickly abandoned the idea of sweeping them away. We ended up switching campsites with my brother's family, and then we all mostly hung out at our peanut shell-free campsite.

I know most people don't have to worry about a peanut allergy, and peanut shells are biodegradable, so I couldn't get too mad about it. It's just that we always have to be so aware of the peanut allergy. We can't leave it home even when we're camping in the woods. And that's why we bring the EpiPen everywhere.

Back to camping. It was my job to keep the kids occupied while Londo set up our tent and campsite. We started off looking at cool mushrooms, moss and bugs (that I didn't even flinch at, for the record). But after a while, they were starting to get interested in what Londo was doing.

So I came up with a game: Nature Scavenger Hunt! I gave them five things to look for (a red leaf, an acorn, a brown leaf, a gray rock and a white flower) and told them the boundries around the campsite where they could look. I helped them find the items and put them in their own piles on the picnic table.

One of the cutest things a kid said during the trip was my nephew who was looking for one of the items and having trouble. This adorable 5 year old says, "Oh who am I kidding. I'm never going to find it!" It was really hard not to laugh at that. Of course I helped him out a bit with that item, and then he ended up winning the Nature Scavenger Hunt!

After that, Londo and my brother taught my teenage neice how to build a fire, while the younger kids ran around inside our big, 6-person tent.

Food was a major source of entertainment. Londo cooked hamburgers and hotdogs for dinner, and we all sat at the picnic table enjoying the meal. Londo also brought a pan of popcorn to put over the fire, and my brother and SIL brought the makings for smores!

Londo also brought each of the kids a glow stick, which of course was a hit! Now there were two problems with those. 1. My kids did not want to put them down to go to sleep because they were so awesome, especially the Pookie who didn't understand why he couldn't keep it and stare at it instead of going to sleep. 2. There wasn't one for me. Hehe.

By bedtime, the kids were totally worn out and went to bed pretty easily--once I seperated them and put Pookie to bed first and then the Pumpkin, like I do at the beach house. When we try to put them to bed at the same time, they just feed off each other and go crazy and don't settle down at all. But Pookie first, then the Pumpkin works well.

Once asleep, the adults all hung out by the campfire, talking and laughing. My kids slept through it. My SIL went to hang out with her teenager for a while, and my brother, Londo and I stayed up a little later until I couldn't keep my eyes open any more. I crawled into the tent, snuggled up to the Pookie and fell asleep to the sound of crickets and two of my favorite guys talking about football.

You may be wondering how we all slept, four of us in a tent, including my not-so-great-sleeper daughter and my very-used-to-his-crib son. And the answer is: crappy--just as we expected. But because we expected crappy sleep, it did not ruin the trip or even really cause concern or dissappointment or frustration. We simply did not expect to sleep well, so when we didn't, it wasn't a problem.

The Pookie woke up crying and trying to get comfortable within 10 minutes of my falling asleep. I finally got him back to sleep by singing Hush Little Baby while jiggling him a little against me. He spent most of the night tossing and turning, sleeping on me more than not. Londo slept on the other side of the tent, next to the Pumpkin, and he said she helicoptered all night. So crappy sleep, but definitely some sleep. And we made it to morning!

One of my favorite parts about camping is waking up in the morning to the sounds of nature, remembering where I am and crawling out of the tent to see what the day is like. And it was a lovely morning.

We had eggs and bacon cooked on the campfire for breakfast. Then, my SIL and I took the kids on a hike through some trails, while the guys took down the tents and packed up the cars. The nature walk was awesome. We saw so many cool-looking mushrooms and moss, a catapiller, falling trees to climb over and even a white-tailed deer that ran right across our path only a few feet from us! We did take a slight wrong turn, so the hike ended up being longer than we'd planned, but no matter! There were piggyback rides and shoulder rides to help the kids along, stops for snacks and cool things to look at all along the way.

The trail ended at the lake, when Londo and my brother came walking up to us and finish the walk around the lake to where they parked the cars, with a brief stop at the lake's empty beach to play in the sand for a couple minutes.

The kids had an awesome time, as did the adults. Even the teenager admitted it was fun. My daughter even declared it the best time ever! In fact, everyone wants to go again as soon as possible! Because, you know, we're a Family That Camps!

Learning to Love the Beach

I love the beach. I mean, I LOVE the beach. It's my happy place, it's where I feel recharged, it's where I go in my head to escape where I am. (For example, when I was lying on a surgery table after 16 hours of labor, body shuddering and constantly dry-heaving, worried as heck about my baby who was not coming out, I turned to my husband and said, "I'm going to the beach." And I did. And then my little girl was born!)

I love everything about the beach. The endless expanse of ocean, the rhythmic crashing of the waves, the hot sun blazing down, the soft sand shifting beneath me. I enjoy lying down reading a book while I bake, sitting up under an umbrella watching the kids and people around me, standing in the surf while the waves come and go, and walking out into the water to dive through the waves just as they crest. I love it all.

I am a Beach Girl.

My kids, however, I'm not so sure about... yet. I'm pretty confident that I can turn them into Beach Kids, but it turns out it's not an instant thing. Good thing my parent now have a beach house less than 3 hours away, and good thing we are going to be a Family That Travels! Because I am working on it as much as I can.

Not last weekend, but the two weekends before that, I took the kids to my parents' beach house. The first weekend we went, I drove myself and the kids down to the beach house, where my parents and my brother's family were already vacationing. The second weekend, I went with my mom, my kids and my 5-year-old niece. Both times were good times, with fun dynamics. I mean, how cool is it to go on vacations with cousins who are close to you in age? I got to do that every summer at my grandparent's house in Cape Cod with my two cousins from my mom's side. It was always such a great experience. And now I can pass that on to my kids as well.

But back to the issue at hand. The kids and the beach.

We went last year, but the Pookie was too little to really have an opinion. He enjoyed digging in the sand and tried to eat handfuls of sand. The Pumpkin had been in previous years, and she was excited about it. But then we had a little incident where she got swept off her feet by a wave. Even though I immediately had her up and on her feet, it scared her and gave her a healthy respect for the ocean.

I don't know if she remembered that incident on some level of her consciousness or if she is just at an age where things are scarier than they were before. But either way, she was very scared of the water and waves this year. She clung to my hand or ran from the water the whole time we were at the beach that first weekend. She sat just at the edge of where the waves could reach and built a wall (out of sand, which didn't really last as long as she had hoped). I didn't want her to feel and think that she was "scared" of the water, so I gave her the words, "I'm a little nervous about the water" which was super cute to hear her say to other people.

At first, my son seemed excited about the water. He enjoyed getting his feet wet and feeling the sand. I sat him down with his sister to play in the wet sand and build the wall together. These kids of mine spend their entire outdoor playtime at school in the sandbox, so I knew they would love to sit and dig in the sand. And they were really enjoying themselves.

Then a big wave came all the way up to where they were sitting. I had my back to the water, so I didn't realize it and didn't give the kids a warning. It surged over the Pookie unexpectedly. It surprised him and was uncomfortable for his to suddenly have sand and cool water all over his legs, while he was simply sitting in the sand playing. Meanwhile, his sister jumped up, shrieking, and ran back a bit higher in the sand.

I laughed and said "whooa," and he was starting to settle down. But then it happened again. And that was it for him. He was UPSET! I picked him up and helped him back to our umbrella and chairs way back on the beach. He did NOT want to be by the water. He insisted, "No wawa! No wawa!" He didn't even want ME by the water. For the rest of the day.

We hung out back on the beach, out of view of the surf. My parents and brother watched and played with my daughter and her cousins. Then my brother, dad and the cousins went back to the beach house, while my mom and I stayed with my kids.

It was at that point, I was no longer willing to sit so far away from the water (practically out in the dunes!) and out of view of my daughter playing. I also wanted to help my boy get used to the being around the ocean, since my plan is to go to the beach house as much as possible (see above about me being a Beach Girl).

I moved my chair, the toys, our other stuff and my self down to where my mom and daughter were, encouraging my son the whole time to come. He came most of the way, then flipped out about him and me being closer to the water. My mom went back with him to where our stuff had been, and I sat down with my daughter to build a wall.

The tide had gone out a bit, and the beach was less crowded. I could see the Pookie, and he was upset about me being closer to the water, but he was more unhappy being away from me and having no toys back where our stuff had been. He soon came with my mom back to where the Pumpkin and I were playing.

He started getting upset again, but I quickly moved into distraction mode, as well as adamantly telling him I wasn't moving and that the water was not where we were. Plus, I got his sister to start playing with him.

Before I knew it, we were all happy. I had a great view of the ocean, the kids were playing in the sand, and my mom was able to sit down and relax. In one day, we'd come a long way. And even both kids even dipped their feet in the water right before we left, as the four of us all held hands, standing in the surf. It was lovely.

The next morning at the beach went more smoothly. I knew to set up closer to the water from the get-go, I made sure both kids were comfortable with their location (the Pookie started getting upset, but he was quickly mollified). We had a lovely time.

Plus, did I mention the airplanes? The Pookie LOVES airplanes (and any vehicle, or go-go), and he pointed out every. single. one that flew over the beach with advertisements. To everyone around. It was really cute. And we saw boats and seagulls and even dolphins! Both kids loved seeing those things and pointing them out. You know, like Beach Kids do.

The next weekend went even better! From the first hour at the beach, they were playing in the surf with their cousin. They stood their holding my and my mom's hands. Then they wanted to stand on their own more and more.

My daughter ran up and down the slope to the beach, chasing and running from the waves in a fun game. She stood "strong" in the water with her cousin, pretending their feet were on surf boards. My mom lifted them (one at a time) to jump over the edges of the waves as the water came up the beach. She jumped in the water and stood still so her feet would get covered in sand, depending on her mood and current game.

My son wanted to do what the girls were doing. He played and jumped and stood still and wanted me to let go of his hand before long (which was okay for little bits of time, but the waves and riptides at this beach are unpredictable, so I mostly held on to him or at least stood right next to him). At one point, he even said, "mo wawa!" A big change from the previous weekend! So I picked him up and carried him till I was waist deep in the water, with waves surging up higher. I even had to sheild his head with my body when one wave crashed right on our heads! That was as I was just walking us back out of the water. He started to look upset about that one, but I think he didn't because he saw I was laughing and having so much fun!

They are well on their way to becoming Beach Kids now! I feel like I got them both over the initial humps we encountered. I do want them to understand and be slightly wary of the power of the ocean. It's important to know what riptides can do, and why it's important to stay with an adult. We really did have a few scary-ish moments when a strong riptide came out of a seemingly small wave and start to pull the kids with it. They are still small, and the ocean is strong and vast. Luckily, my mom and I and the other adults in my family know and understand what needs to be done to keep them safe, without ruining the enjoyment of the beach.

Because, you know, we're a Beach Family!

Re-Thinking This Year's Vacation

Years ago, my dad (and mom) and I (and Londo) decided to buy a timeshare at a nearby beach from a family friend. It is a duplex with a deck overlooking the 9th green of a golf course, and has 3 bedroom, 2 bath, a kitchen open to dining area and family room. We would have it for one week and the end of May/beginning of June every year. It was a good size for us and our plans to grow the family. It was a set week every year, so that my dad and I could plan on our vacations way in advance.

This worked out perfect for me and my dad. I didn't have to worry about finding a place at the beach and coordinating the week and location and price and everything else, because it was already taken care of. It had access to a parking lot right on the beach with a clubhouse that included a bathroom and cafe. It was right on the golf green, and an easy walk to the golf course's clubhouse. There were lots of amenities that both my dad and I were very happy with.

Though it wasn't a good time of year for either my mom or for Londo, my dad and I have gone every single year since we got it, except the one when I was due any day with the Pookie (my dad went with my SIL and her twins).

In fact, the fertility cycle which we got pregnant with the Pumpkin was while I was at the timeshare. I did the 2.5 drive back and forth for two appointments and gave myself shots while at the beach house. The year after having the Pumpkin, we brought her to the beach house at 3 months old--her first beach experience. A couple years we had friends and/or family stay with us with their kids.

I love the place. I love the specific time set aside to go to the beach. I love hanging out with my dad and mom. I love bringing the kids, even though it's difficult to get them to sleep and the place isn't really kid-proofed. I love that it feels like a family vacation place.

But this year, I had to re-think the family vacation I had been planning all year. I had to re-think a lot of plans I had for May and June, which my half-organized closet can attest to.

This year, there was no way I could take the kids for any of the vacation as the only parent with my torn meniscus. My parents a great help, but I literally would not have been able to do any parenting of the kids. And this was their vacation, too, and it wouldn't have been fair to ask them to watch my kids and wait on me all week.

Londo and I had a big discussion about it. The beach is not his ideal vacation, and he didn't exactly relish the idea of spending his vacation days from work chasing both kids around in the hot sun with sand getting everywhere then going back to a place that wasn't kid-proofed. He would much rather stay home with the kids, where they would continue going to school during the day so he could work and where everything was set up to meet their needs at home. But he told me I should go with my parents.

In fact, he pretty much insisted on it. Saying it would actually be easier for him, because he wouldn't have to take care of me in addition to the kids! The vacation was between the time I had the MRI and my appointment with the orthopedic surgeon, so I was free to go.

So I went. Sounds fantastic, right? Almost a full week at the beach without the kids and with my parents taking care of me!

The problem was, that was not the vacation I planned. It was not the vacation I wanted. It was not the annual family vacation that it was supposed to be. Stupid meniscus.

All I could see on the drive and at the beach and everywhere I went were the adorable kids. Moms were everywhere, and most of them seemed to have kids right around my kids' ages. As I hobbled around with my cane, I watched the kids longingly. When I was back at the house, I remembered how cute my kids were at the table there and playing in the family room. At the beach, all I could think about was how the kids played in the waves and dug in the sand the year before, and how I had envisioned taking them again this year. Heck, I even reread my own poem about it! It was tough, believe it or not.

I must admit, I did have a wonderful time. Just because it was not the vacation I planned, doesn't mean that it wasn't a good vacation. I actually spent the first couple days with two of my best friends from junior high, who also happened to be at the beach that same weekend. My parents really took wonderful care of me, making sure I didn't push myself and hurt my knee worse. Best of all? I actually got to lay down on the beach, read and worship the sun like I haven't been able to since having kids. I was even able to dig a hole just right for my knee so I could lie on my stomach.

The only reason I was even okay going without my kids and husband is because, as Londo pointed out, my parent now own a house 2 miles from a beach just a town up from the one where the timeshare is. He promised we'd take our family vacation for a week in August at my parent's house, when the kids were on summer break and my knee was healed up. After a bit of talking, I realized that this was the better plan for the family vacation.

I had thought I would go to my parent's beach house just about every weekend, from May through September. The torn meniscus changed my plans, and I've had to re-think my entire summer. I am glad that I got to go to the beach in June, and I'm looking forward to the family vacation in August.

And now my recovery from the surgery and the physical therapy I will be doing is of even more importance to me. If they go well, and quickly, I believe that my weekend plans in July will involve a lot of trips to my parent's beach house with the kids, and hopefully without Londo since goodness knows he needs and deserves a lot of time for himself as soon as I possibly can give it to him!

Originally, I had figured I would go to my parent's beach house without kids a couple of weekends in July or August. I was not ready for that time in June when I hadn't even gotten to take the kids to the beach by myself even once. I didn't need the time away from the kids I had barely been able to play with or put to bed for weeks. But that's how it worked out. Now, I can't wait to spend my weekends with my kids, at the beach and at home, with two working knees.

Question of the Week - Mother's Day Favorites?

I had a fabulous Mother's Day on Sunday, as well as a wonderful weekend. I hope you all did too.

I seriously have the best husband evah! He took a rough night with the Pookie, let me sleep in late, made me breakfast in bed, ushered the kids out of the room so I could eat it, stayed home with the kids so I could shop with my mom and sister then eat out a nice lunch with them and my SIL, her sister and their mom, continued watching the kids while I went with my mom and sis to visit my grandma, and fixed us all dinner!

I didn't change a single diaper! I didn't cook or administer a single meal! I got homemade pictures from the kids! I got a card that included a recording of the kids singing "I love my mommy, oh yes I do. I love my mommy. That mommy's you!" I got hugs and kisses and all the wonderful aspects of being a mom, with none of the complaining, whining or arguing!

It truly was a wonderful Mother's Day. I didn't spend a majority of it with my kids, but I spent a good portion of Friday and most of Saturday with them.

I thought of all you mothers out there--all my bloggy mom friends who I've not been good at keeping up with lately. I wondered how you all were doing. And I wondered what I'm making this week's (month's?) Question of the Week:

What was your favorite part(s) of Mother's Day?

Through all of those wonderful things that my kids and husband did, I have three favorite parts, though only one is for Sunday itself.

My favorite part of all was on Sunday: My husband did all of those things I listed above and more with such a great attitude! When I mentioned going to visit my grandma or taking time to go shopping or even heading up for a shower, there was no hesitation from him at all. Immediately he would say, "Do whatever you need/want, honey. It's your day!" or "Don't worry about us. I've got the kids, and we're doing great." So the guilt I can feel at time for doing things without the kids or needing him to watch the kids for long periods of time with no breaks? Non-existent! Isn't that the best?

My other favorite parts I hope to write about later, and they included Muffin's for Mom at my kids' school on Friday morning and my daughter's first dance recital.

What about you all? Did you have a good Mother's Day? Did you spend it with your kid(s) or without the kid(s)? Was it relaxing or adventure-filled? Did you get any good gifts? Breakfast in bed? What was your favorite part?

Question of the Week - Car Games

The weekend before the sickness struck down my house like the plague, the Pumpkin and I had a special weekend together with my parents.

My parents just bought a house at the beach about 2.5 hours away. That weekend was my first chance to see it since they got it in November. January in Maryland is too cold to go to the actual beach, but I wanted to see the house and spend a weekend with my girl. So the Pumpkin and I took a little road trip!

We had a great weekend together and with my parents. The house is beautiful and very comfortable. It's a 5-10 minute drive from the beach. There are three guest rooms, each with two twin beds, plus a pull-out couch in the living room. They are making it kid friendly, with a big room they are calling The Rumpus Room.

Best of all? They have agreed that it will be a peanut-free house! As soon as I brought up the issue with my mom, she quickly assured me that it would have to be a peanut-free house so that we could relax there and bring the Pumpkin without worrying constantly for her safety. What a relief!

I am planning many many MANY trips out there this spring and summer! I'm planning to go as a family, bring one or both kids myself, go by myself, and spend a lot of time with my parents, sister's family and brother's family. Plus whichever friends of our families can go. I think the only person more excited about the beach house is my parents!

But this means a lot of 2.5-3.5 hour car trips coming up. That's not too long, but just long enough to start needing some entertaining car games. My favorite car game from growing up, which I still play with Londo or even by myself, is The Alphabet Game. That's when you look out the window of the car and get each letter from A to Z. The first one to find them all wins.

The Question of the Week is:

What car games do you and your kids like to play?

My daughter is too young for the alphabet game, so I started making up some others on our way back from the beach. We looked for colors outside, calling out where we see the color (green sign!), and we looked for shapes. We also guessed the animal by the animal noise we made.

But my favorite to play with her, and I'm pretty sure he favorite also, was Name That Song! I would whistle a song, and she would call out what it was. Then she would hum one, and I would call out the name. It turns out that my girl is REALLY good at guessing the songs! We've been playing this on other car rides since then, or at other times during the day.

What about you and your family? What did you play in the car growing up? What do you play with your kids on car trips now? What games are you waiting on until they are old enough to play with you? Or do you just sing along with the radio?

Fun Family Shorts

Now that 2010 has closed, I thought I would write some snippets about what fun we've been having together as a family of four over the last year, especially recently. My daughter is 3.75 years old, and my son is 18 months old. Londo and I are really enjoying these ages--despite the frustrations of Three and the whining of 18 Months. We are a fun, silly family and that's what's making life so good right now.

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The other day, the Pumpkin told me that she and her brother were having pretend names. The Pookie was "Midnight," and she was "Kookie." She asked what my name was going to be, and then named me "Boopie." Unfortunately, when she said it, it sounded either like boobie or poopie, so I told her I wanted to be "Strawberry."

Then she asked Londo what his pretend name was. He said, "You may call me... Tim." I got a good chuckle out of that.

And then the game began. "Tim" sat on the couch, and any time one of us would get close, he would grab us and hold us. We would call for the others to come save us. It was so funny to hear my daughter call out, "Strawberry, we've got to save Midnight!" And save him we did.

And this game? We pretty much play many variations of it all the time.

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We were down at my inlaws for Christmas. We had a great time, and got to spend a lot of time with each other and my husband's family.

One day as we were all playing in the game room, the Pumpkin said we were going to go to a bird show. So we gave tickets and pretended to learn about and feed the birds. Then for some reason, Londo said he was a penguin. So he started walking around in a penguin waddle with his arms down at his side but his hands sticking out. If you've seen the Diego where he shows how to waddle like a penguin, you know what I'm talking about.

So then, the Pumpkin started waddling like a penguin, and they were both waddling around saying "waddle, waddle, waddle" and pretending to eat fish and giving penguin hugs.

Of course I jumped into the new game, and started waddling. The Pookie had been watching and laughing, but he is always quick to join in, too. So he did his best to imitate the waddling, and we all walked around in circles as a penguin family. It was really cute.

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When I was a kid, my family used to play a game we called "Stack 'Em Up." My dad would lie on the ground and call out "stack 'em up!" My brother, the oldest kid, would lie down on my dad. Then my sister, the middle child, would lie down on my brother. And then I, the youngest, would climb on and lie down on the top. My mom would watch (and I now suspect she also tried to make sure no one got hurt) and laugh. We'd all laugh. Though simple, it was a really fun game.

So of course I've started the same game at my house! Before the Pookie could play, Londo would lie down, I would lie on him and the Pumpkin would climb on top of me. Now, either Londo or I lie down, then the Pumpkin and then the Pookie climbs on top (while the other parent makes sure the Pookie doesn't fall). I can foresee the time when the Pookie is able that we will all be part of the stack!

We've got variations, too. Although it's supposed to go from largest on the bottom to smallest on the top for obvious reasons, occasionally we mix it up a bit, being very careful of smaller people below us. Also sometimes just the Pumpkin and the Pookie will play, and that's really cute.

I recently told my siblings and parents that we've carried on the tradition of playing this game, and my SIL said that my brother's family plays a similar game but they call it making a sandwich!

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One of the games the Pumpkin got for Christmas is called Elefun. It's this toy elephant with a very long tube of a nose. You put "butterflies" in the elephant, turn it on and it blows them out the nose. You use nets to catch the butterflies as they are shot out the nose, which is taller than me (but I am short)!

So the other morning, the Pumpkin wanted to play for the first time while the Pookie was around. I thought it was safe enough, so I got it out, handed both kids a net, and started it up. As we were laughing and cheering for each other, Londo joined in too!

I was so excited and happy to have the whole family play what is basically a game in the board game category! I have always wanted to have a Family Game Night once a week or every other week. We are close to being able to have that now, and that makes me happy.

A family that plays together, stays together, right?

Question of the Week - Holiday Moments

Two weekends ago, we pulled out the Christmas/holiday decorations. With the Pumpkin close to 4 years old and the Pookie 18 months, Londo and I were really excited to decorate with the kids this year. These are the ages where they can actually help and enjoy the decorating and be excited by all the of the neat decorations we have.

In fact, this year has been really special with the Pumpkin. She is learning Christmas songs, which is bringing the joy of Christmas music back to Londo (who spent too many winters in retail at a mall). She knows about Santa and Rudolph and Frosty. She knows about the menorah I set out to recognize Jesus's religion. And she was/is super excited about the lights and tree.

So this year, when I pulled out the boxes that contain the Christmas ornaments, my daughter had such a look of anticipation. As we pulled out the ornaments and set them out to decide which to put where, my daughter was delighted by each discovery. As she helped me hang the ornaments on just the right branches, my daughter felt a part of Christmas traditions.

I thought back to the Christmases of my past, when my mom would pull out the special boxes of ornaments. I remembered how excited I would be to see all the ornaments: the delicate ones, the handmade ones, the sentimental ones, the silly ones. I thought about the ritual of pulling out the boxes, opening them and ohhhing and ahhhing over each item with my mom and sister and brother and dad.

Those moments. Those are the treasures of the holidays. The ornaments and the navity scene and the advent calendar and the holiday cookies and candies--they are made special not just because of the holiday, but because they are put out only once a year with loving hands and ritualized behavoir.

Those are the moments that my daughter will start remembering from this age on. Those are the moments that my son is able to start participating in from this age on. Those are the moments I look forward to sharing with my family, just as I remember fondly from when I was growing up.

This week's Question of the Week is:
What holiday moments do you remember fondly and/or enjoy sharing with your kids?

I have spent years looking for a nativity scene that reminds me of my mom's, and this year I found one that was similar, looks generally safe for kid use and was on a fantastic sale! I am looking forward to setting that up with my kids and spending time playing with it, as I did with my mom's set when I was young.

What about you? What moments make the holidays special for you and your family? What are your kids able to participate in and enjoy now? Any special memories you want to share?

Holidays Are Really Becoming Enjoyable

Before I start my blathering about Thanksgiving, I want to send out a congratulations to Jac. on her new baby girl! Welcome to the world, little one!

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As I said previously, Thanksgiving was lovely. Truly, it was.

The Pumpkin was fully recovered from her surgery, and spent her Wednesday off from school at my mom’s “helping” her cook and decorate. When I called my mom in the afternoon and asked if the Pumpkin was truly helping or hindering, she laughed and said, “Both!” I know how that goes, and in fact I got to experience it once again on Thanksgiving when we baked together.

Because of my love of and skill for baking, I bring a pie for family holidays. Londo makes the best mashed potatoes and mashed sweet potatoes I’ve ever had (except possibly tied with his mom’s mashed potatoes), so I insist encourage him to make that for our holidays. I let Londo have the kitchen first, and it worked out that the Pookie needed an early nap so I was able to bake with the Pumpkin while he napped and Londo was done hogging using the kitchen.

The Pumpkin is getting better and better about waiting to “help” until I’ve got things set up and waiting for my instructions before touching things. Generally. What we got into an “argument” about was that she kept trying to eat the pie dough before I had rolled it. I told her she could have some of what was left after I rolled the crusts so we would be sure to have enough for the pie, but she kept sneaking pieces. Not so sneakily. I got frustrated enough that I got her down from the chair she was standing on and told her she couldn’t help anymore. After that, she listened. Mostly.

I tried a new recipe for the pie filling, which is very similar to the way I usually make my apple pies. It was delicious! And overall, it was enjoyable to bake with my little girl. It was really nice to be able to announce to the extended family that the Pumpkin and I made the pie together!

We went to my parents’ house for the family gathering and dinner. I am so fortunate that my sister and brother and their families live right around us, as do members of my extended family. Holidays and gatherings at my parents’ house is full of family, friends, great food, good conversations and lots of love and laughter.

For the last few years, though, there has been an added element to our holidays. Make that elementS plural. The Young Kids. First my sister’s daughter, who turns 5 (FIVE!) in February, then my brother’s twins who turn 5 (FIVE!) in May, then my daughter (four in March), my son (18 months in December) and my sister’s son (1 last September). Plus my brother’s oldest, who will be SIXTEEN in December!!!

The Young Kids bring with them chaos, more laughter, yelling, crying, more love, clinginess, playfulness, toys, cuteness, and did I mention the chaos?

But this year… this year… the chaos wasn’t as chaotic? The yelling wasn’t as loud? My daughter is capable of playing on her own more, and my baby toddler is not as clingy to me. The cousins and my daughter are fine going off to play or hanging out in the family room with toys or sitting around the appetizers on counter stools. My sister’s son actually took a nap during the commotion in the kids room upstairs. And my son? He spent the whole time happily toddling around, mostly pushing cars in the doll stroller, going around and around the circuit of my parent’s main floor. Only twice did I “lose” him, and only once was he into something he shouldn’t have been.

When Londo realized I was looking for him (for a second time), he joined in the search and found him coming up the stairs from the basement. Um, whoops. We didn’t know he could go DOWN stairs! We still think he shouldn’t be doing that alone. And from now on I’ll watch him more carefully when he’s near the stairs at my parent’s house. Probably. (Londo, if you are reading this, I totally will! I only put probably for comedic effect!) (If you aren’t Londo, than I really did mean probably. But don’t tell him that. Heh.)

There was some yelling and I did have to search out my nieces at one point and herd them back into the kitchen/family room area. And there certainly was commotion. But it was the wonderful kind of commotion that you (or at least I) expect and even want from a family gathering.

For the actual dinner, we set up the pre-schoolers at the kitchen table, calling it The Kids’ Table, while we adults went into the dinning room for dinner (with my toddler with us in a high chair—my sister’s boy was still napping). I have such fond memories of the kids’ table at the family gatherings at my grandmother’s house, that I was excited for my kids to start that tradition. My sister, BIL, brother and SIL were an easy sell. Although it didn’t last too long, it was a great first attempt at having a separate kids’ table. I can’t wait until we can set the toddlers up at the kids table with the pre-schoolers. I think they will have so much fun.

It’s just amazing to watch my kids and my siblings’ kids grow up and become more and more capable and more interesting. From my daughter running into the family room when we first arrived yelling “Hello, everybody!” to my nieces playing on their own to my son and sister’s son following after their older boy cousin to the kids eating at The Kids’ Table.

It was a lovely Thanksgiving.

Spending My Time

I am totally out of my normal rhythm, so you'll have to excuse me if I'm not keeping up with the blogosphere. There are good reasons, and not-so-good reasons.

First, this weekend I went away with one of my BFFs and my cousin's college-age daughter to my cousin's house at a nearby lake. My BFF and I left husbands and kids behind for a girls' weekend! It was fantabulous! We stayed up late talking or playing games, we slept in late in the mornings, we ate out for every meal, we saw Life As We Know It and got ice cream, we sat outside on the deck reading in the sun on a beautiful fall day, and we generally did whatever we wanted!

I came back Sunday night, immediately picked up my daughter and Mom and aunt, and drove up to my brother's house for my mom's birthday dinner. The Pookie had a stuffy nose, so Londo stayed home with him. I had a great time, especially since the Pumpkin and her cousins that are around her age all ran off into the basement to play BY THEMSELVES! It's a good age.

Although we had a bit of a rough night that night, Monday was another good day. Both my husband and I were working from home that day (my office was closed for Columbus Day), but the kids' schools were open. So I dropped them off in the morning and went back home.

It was a beautiful day, so it didn't take much for Londo to convince me to pick up some food and go on a picnic. We had such a lovely time that we decided not to head back to the house right away to go back to work. Instead, we hiked around a park for a while, enjoying the weather and each other's company.

This was much needed for us, this reconnection. We had been short with each other lately, with so much stressors going on in our lives. It's too easy to take out the stress and frustration on the ones we are closest to, though we try so hard not to. An afternoon outside exploring and being together was just what we needed. And it helped to get us in the right spirits for what we had to deal with the next day.

You see, Sunday night I had noticed a little red bump on the Pumpkin's bottom. It's not unusual for her to get irritation bumps, since she has such sensitive skin. And on Sunday night, we had to borrow a pair of underwear from my niece due to a pee pee accident. I figured that her skin was just irritated by a different kind of detergent.

But then on Monday night, we noticed there were more bumps as she got into the bath with her brother. They looked odd, but I wasn't yet worried. I was only slightly worried the next morning when I noticed even more bumps, and that some looked like whiteheads. As I got her ready for the day, I saw a couple small bumps on her ribs and thighs. I was puzzled, but continued with our morning.

In fact, I didn't truly worry until I was getting the Pookie out of his highchair (about to get his shoes on and go out the door with both kids) and I noticed some small bumps on his leg. That's when I called a halt to the morning. It was one thing for my daughter to be getting a weird rash on her sensitive skin, but it's another to see the same rash on the other child. That quite clearly indicates that it can spread, which means no going to school.

I'd been hearing about bed bugs a lot lately, so I immediately start to panic that it was bed bugs and we'd have to sanitize the entire house! (It's not bed bugs.) I called the nurse at my doctors. I answer her questions, including the fact that the spots don't seem to be ichy to either kid. She doesn't think it's chicken pox, but now I start to worry that it's chicken pox. (It's not chicken pox. And no, neither kid has had that vaccine yet, although they will soon.) The nurse asks if I want to bring the kids in. And yes, I very much do want to bring them in!

It's impetigo. As soon as the doctor looks at it, she said right off that it's impetigo, from either a staph or strep infection. But just on the skin -- skin infection. Neither kid has a fever or sore throat, so that's good at least. We just apply a topical antibiotic three times a day until it clears up and cover with long pants and long sleeves.

I never thought I'd be so glad that my kids have a staph or strep infection! But what a relief that it's not bed bugs or chicken pox or some other worse skin disease. We still are keeping the Pumpkin home, because it apparently often spreads in pre-schoolers via the toilet, which explains the bumps on her bottom that were in the horseshoe shape of a toilet seat. My guess is she picked it up at school, but it could have been anywhere. I don't even know where she used the bathroom over the weekend, and I'm not going to bother to try to figure it out. Though I did clean our bathrooms from top to bottom.

So I stayed home with the kids yesterday, and I quite enjoyed playing with them all day. It's been like I had a double weekend, with plenty of time to enjoy myself (weekend away), my BFF (weekend away), my family (Sunday night), my husband (Monday) and my kids (Tuesday). But now, I have SO MUCH WORK TO DO and need to spend time at work. Oh well. It's almost the weekend again!

Question of the Week - Coming to Terms

Londo and I had a big talk last night about, shall we say, family planning. I'm not going into it, and there was no real final decision made. It was just about talking through where we are in our heads and hearts. When it comes to the heart, there are cases to be made on both sides. When it comes to the head, there are cases to be made on... well really just one side. Even though I have this biological, emotional and mental desire to have three kids, I actually want to want to be done with two.

So we had this really great discussion, laying everything out there. It helped me to start thinking about things differently. Because even though I previously said I'd give it a year or two and focus on how things are currently, I wasn't. I was constantly thinking about how to work another child into our lives. It was an obsessive thought that was detracting from my enjoyment of my life, my relaxation into how things are currently.

And now? Now I think if I could only come to terms with having a family with two kids, everything would be much easier. It may be weird to say it this way, but it's pretty accurate. If I could just let go the desire for another child, blame it on biology and long-held fantasies, it would ease this burden I feel, the stress I feel about not being done. I'm working on it--for now.

This week's question of the week is:

What would make your life easier if you could just come to terms with what's going on?

In another area of my life, I think I would be less stressed if I just came to terms with the fact that I'm not going to get to work before 10. On the rare occassions when it happens? What a nice treat! But otherwise, I need to just accept the fact that the two drop offs, especially the one at the Pumpkin's school which happens between 9:00 and 9:15, are just going to mean that I'm not into work until 10. I need to just be okay with this. We've moved back our dinnertime to 6:00 to fit in with the later time in for me, and we might need to consider making it 6:15 or 6:30 so I can actually be home in time to sit down with everyone. I can't keep getting frustrated about how late I get into work when I know it just isn't going to change.

What about you guys? What do you wish you could come to terms with? What would ease your burden if you could only just accept it? How could you go with the flow to make your life better?

Question of the Week - What Would You Write About?

Well, it's been a pretty crazy busy time for me. For the majority of the previous three weeks, I have been the solo parent to the two kids, the caretaker of the dog, cat and house (and sometimes the garden, which I didn't kill off thankyouverymuch!), and a worker full time (mostly) out of the house at a really busy time in my project. On top of it all, I'm still trying to be there for my husband, as well as my family and my friends. Add in the sicknesses that seem to be plaguing my house, and, well, I've had little time for writing posts or even reading and commenting on my favorite blogs.

I don't think I'm alone in my business or inability to write about everything that I want to write about. So this week's Question of the Week is:

What have you been planning to or want to write about if you had time (and a blog, for those of you who don't)?

Here are some things I hope to post on soon, but if I don't at least I'm mentioning it here:
- I am feeling pretty amazing about how I'm juggling everything and that I really can be the solo parent to two kids when I need to be.
- My daughter started at the Montessori school, and so far it seems to be going well.
- My son is doing some really fun and amazing things, not to mention he and the things he does are so cute it melts my heart.
- My daughter must have gone through yet another developmental spurt, because she is even more capable and picking up on ideas and concepts that she wouldn't have understood just a couple of months earlier.
- My son keeps getting sick while teething, and I've got some thoughts about why.
- My kids are playing together more and more, and it's awesome.
- When I'm with my husband, we are having amazing sex. Yeah, I said it. And I might say more about it later!
- I took the two kids on the 7 hour car ride to my inlaws house BY MYSELF! (Londo was already down there.) Without a DVD player! And... it went really well!
- Sometimes, my daughter goes to bed without Mommy or Daddy in the room. When the incentive is greater than her need for one of us.
- One of the best decisions Londo and I made for the Pumpkin was to move her out of her old pre-school and put her for the summer in the pre-school where the Pookie is going to daycare. I debated and was unsure, but now that I can look back, I know it was a really great move.
-The hardest part for me (and I think many others) about being a sometimes single parent is finding the co-parenting rhythm again.

I've got more, but I'll leave it there for now. And now I'm going to visit some of my favorite people to try and start participating in the blogging community again (outside of Twitter). I've missed you guys!

How about you guys? Anything major going on? What have you been planning to write but just haven't gotten to? Who's wishing they had a blog just so they could talk about something in their lives? Do you have a long list of things like me or just one or two things you'd like to get off your chest?

When It Rains...

It's been pouring over here at caramama's house. Not literally. Well, actually literally right at before last week started we had an insane storm with pouring rain, including a brief power outage that happened while the Pumpkin was sitting on the potty in the bathroom without any windows. That was a fun way to start the day.

But this past week was pouring more in the figurative sense. I was just going list what's been going on day-by-day, but it's just depressing me to write it all that way. Let me try to sum it up.

Last Monday, Londo called me at work to talk with me about something that came up at his work. He was asked to manage a project/task that would last a week, but really good for his career, but mean insane hours for 7-8 days straight. As in, out the door before kids are awake and home after they are asleep, working all weekend, long hours. I told him to do it. I could handle a week of kid care by myself, and it would be very worth it for him. I just needed to rearrange my week so I could do drop offs, pick ups, morning care, dinner times bedtimes, and childcare and meals all weekend long. That's all.

(As an aside, wasn't it awesome of him to consult with me before saying yes? Not everyone would have! He's a thoughtful guy, and that's one of the many reasons why I love him.)

So I did the solo parenting thing from last Tuesday at dinnertime until Tuesday morning of this week (aka yesterday). Londo almost always leaves the house before the kids wake up, but Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Monday he didn't get home until after they were in bed. That was tough for everyone, including Londo. He's not used to not seeing his kids for days at a time.

Luckily, he was able to work from home on both Saturday and Sunday. He had business calls, deadlines and long hours in the home office, including working until midnight or later both nights. But at least he was able to let me sleep in on Saturday morning, give me an hour break later that day, feed the kids on Saturday night, and put the Pumpkin to bed on Sunday night.

Those long hours with the kids? Exhausting! Especially with one kid sick. The Pookie threw up Thursday evening as I put him in his highchair. He spewed on everything! Twice! I stuck him in the tub and sprayed him off, cleaned up the highchair enough so that the dog wouldn't keep licking it (why are dogs so gross?), set the Pumpkin in front of the TV and put the baby to bed early. Poor sick boy had also developed a fever and was tired and cranky. Once he was asleep, the Pumpkin and I finished dinner, I put her to bed, I took the highchair outside and hosed it down in the dark, and I rinsed and put in the washer the chair cover, clothes and towels which were all covered in vomit. All the while, I was making frantic calls to family members and friends to find someone to watch the Pookie the next morning. Oh, that was a fun night.

But that wasn't the only health issue I got to deal with during the past week. Oh no. Not the only one at all.

I got a call from my mom on Tuesday saying my 95-year-old Grandma fell and was in the hospital. She was okay and recovering, but she has three broken ribs and needed to be transferred to a nursing home on Saturday while my mom was out of town. The last few years, she's been living with my mom, but my mom can't take care of her, physically or otherwise, with broken ribs and in need of physical therapy.

On Friday morning, the Pumpkin had an appointment with an ENT which I did NOT want to have to reschedule. That was why I frantically called around to find some Friday morning coverage for the Pookie so I could take the Pumpkin to the ENT. I'll write a longer post about that, but the short story is that the Pumpkin's adenoids are enlarged, and we are going to schedule a surgery for October. Wheeee! Actually, this could be a very good thing. But just another thing to deal with.

Meanwhile, we learned that another family member is having a serious health issue. It's not my place to talk about, so I'm not going to discuss any details. But it is not good and affects Londo and I mentally and emotionally, and it will affect the kids and our scheduling. To say nothing of how it affects the family member and other family members.

But the kids and I did have some really good times. When I tweeted that I didn't know how single parents, parents with partners who work long hours or SAH parents do it, I got a response from awakingsleep that said I would find my own single-parenting rhythm. She was absolutely right. And even though I breathed a sigh of relief when the weekend was over and I headed back to work, by the end of the day on Monday I was dying to pick up the kids and see them again and spend time with them again. I will have more solo parenting coming up soon, and--I can't believe I'm going to say this--I'm even looking forward to it a little bit!

Okay, maybe I really have lost my mind. Or maybe I'm delirious with fever. Oh, didn't I mention? Yesterday the Pumpkin came home from school with a fever and is home sick today, luckily being watched by my mom since I have NO time left to take off and hubby has to do his actual regular work. And the Pookie was up for two hours in the middle of the night.

And the hits just keep on coming!

Question of the Week - Thank Your Parents

We looked into a lot of pre-schools before deciding on the Montessori school where the Pumpkin will start next Tuesday. Londo and I both really felt that this school was the right one for her (despite it not being a nut-free school). But although we think it is the right place to send her, there are some drawbacks for us.

Money is the big one, especially with the application fees, the registration fees and the advanced payment schedule. Whew! That's been tougher than I care to blog about or even hint at to most people. So I'm going to pretend like our finances all just fine and move on to something else.

The school is inconveniently located. For those who live in or are familiar with the DC area, you know that traffic is a HUGE pain. Just getting to work and back can take up way more of your day than should be legal! Add in school drop offs, and it gets more frustrating. Now add in two different drop offs, plus one of those that is 10-15 minutes (depending on lights) further north when you work south, and you start to get what I mean by inconveniently located. We will do it, but it will take more time away from being home with the kids having fun.

Anyway, I said all that to say this... About a month or so ago, I dropped off both kids at their current place and then headed up to the Montessori school to drop off paperwork. As I did that, I was able to foresee what my morning commute is going to be like this fall with the added location. And I thought back to the year I went to private school, about 20 minutes away from my house. Instead of walking to a bus stop and taking the bus to the local public junior high school, my mom drove me to and from the private school every morning and afternoon. Then I started thinking about all the times I missed the public school buses and my mom took me to or from school. And all those activities that I did? She drove me to them, and my sister and brother to theirs. Not to mention all the trips for me to visit with friends, including two of my best friends who lived in the next town up. Wow. My mom did a lot of driving for me.

There I was, driving up to this new school just to drop off the paperwork. I put in my hands-free earpiece, and I called my mom. "Hey, Mom. I'm driving to the Pumpkin's new school and I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for all the driving you did when I was younger, especially to the private school. Thank you for doing that for me." She laughed and said I was welcome and of course she would do those things for me. We talked about how great that private school was, and how I hoped that the Montessori would be a good fit for my daughter.

Then I told her, "I think everyone should have a kid, not just cause kids are wonderful, but so everyone can actually understand what their parents did for them! Having children has been the biggest eye opener for me about things I previously took for granted."

So this week's question of the week is:

Now that you have kids, what do you want to thank your mom or dad for doing for you as a child?

On that same phone call, I once again thanked my mom for putting up with my physical sensitivities. One of my family's stories is about me as a child and my shoes. I could not STAND IT when the socks weren't exactly right or if the shoes were tightened the exact same amount. I would throw a fit. Not because I was some temperamental diva. But because I simply could not leave the house and function unless my socks and shoes were just right. Now I know that at times I have bordered on having Sensory Processing Disorder, but back then I luckily had a very understanding mother.

On that same phone call, after I thanked her once again for putting up with all that, she said she understood because she has skin/physical sensitivities also. And then I realized that I could now see signs of those sensory issues in her as well. In fact, I believe that the search for the perfect nightgown for her continues to this day!

For my dad, I have before, and will again, thank him for treating me like I was capable of doing anything. He did not assume that my sister or me couldn't do the things my brother did just because we were girls. No, he taught us how to fix things and build things. He had me help move the couch and finish dry-walling the basement. He passed on his love of power tools and football to me, which has come in very handy over the years. Having a daughter and a son of my own, I see how it could be easy to treat them differently based on societal expectations of gender, even when it's not reasonable to do so. I'm so glad my dad knew that my sister and I were able to do most things that our brother did, as long as we were interested.

What about you? What did your parents do for you that you wish you could thank them for now? What struggles are you discovering in parenthood that give you new or more respect for what your parents did? Do you call them up and thank them? If not, you totally should.

Question of the Week - How Many Kids?

There has been talk lately about how many kids people are having (see the talk in posts by Moxie (comments section), hush, Cloud, to name a few).

Though there are lots of answers on those posts and comments, I'm asking the question out right here for this week's Question of the Week:

In an ideal world, how many kids are you going to have?

I say "an ideal world" because of my intimate familiarity with infertility. I know there are some out there who want more and are having problems with conceiving and/or carrying another child or even a first child. BTDT.

But for the sake of pretend, let's say that fertility is not an issue. How many kids would you have?

My answer: Hmmm. My answer...

Well, before I had kids, I almost always wanted three kids. I was the youngest of three, as was my husband. I am used to three. I like the dynamics of three. Three is comfortable to me. And heck, if my parents had stopped at two, I wouldn't be here!

There was a short period of time when I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to handle three, and thought just two. This was still before I had kids, but after I years of dealing with recurring depression which turned out to be Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). At the time, taking care of just myself even with the help of Londo seemed overwhelming. But then I figured out that it was SAD and started light therapy during the winters. Life seemed a bit easier.

And then we had the Pumpkin. My vivacious, spirited, active daughter who had such problems with sleeping and requires so much energy. But who also gives back so much joy and laughter and love.

To be honest, that first year of her life, I thought the idea of having more kids was I-N-S-A-N-E! But Londo and I had always planned on having two, at minimum. And after the first year, I started to regain some of my sense of self and sanity and even sleep. I continued to be sure I wanted at least one more. Not knowing how long it would take us to conceive again, we jumped right back into it, and were very lucky that it didn't take long with some help from the specialists.

Then was the really rough pregnancy, during which I swore up and down that that was it. I couldn't do it again. It was too hard, I was too tired. I could not handle another pregnancy. Two was it! I was so 100% sure!

Then... well, then there was the Pookie. He was an easier baby, and I didn't dislike the infant stage so much the second time around. And there were some really sweet moments with two children, and I would say to Londo, "well, maybe three." And he'd usually shake his head and insist that he was done. But once or twice he said "maybe" and meant it. In fact, we both agreed that he would hold off doing something permentant in the way of prevention for five years after the Pookie's birth. Just to be sure.

Enter into the narrative the Pookie's 6 month growth spurt/sleep regression, during which he woke up every. freaking. hour! to nurse! I made my sister promise me that if I ever started talking crazy about having another kid to remind me of that time, that hell of a time with both kids waking in the night, feeling drained and OMG I just could NEVER do that again! No way! I was done! Two and through! (Londo remained steadfast in his stance of just two.)

And now? Since about the time the Pookie was 9 months old on? I'm back to wanting three. I think I'm crazy. I can't imagine doing it again. We certainly can't afford it now AT ALL (which is the main reason I'm not pushing the issue with Londo. Yet). However, I do think I could handle three kids once I'm through the pregnancy and first year, thanks to the medication that was so successful for me last year. Granted it would be harder to have three, but I just don't think it would be exponentially harder. Just a fraction harder. After all, I found going from one to two not NEARLY as hard as going from zero to one. Surely going from two to three won't be as hard, either. (Unless perhaps we are blessed with another spirited child!) (Also, Londo does not feel the same about this. Londo found it harder than I did to go from one to two.)

When I walk around and see other families with three kids, I long for a similar family. When I think about the kids when they are older, I think how nice it would be to have three. When I think of the kids grown, I imagine three kids and spouses/partners and grandchild! There is something about a family with three kids that feels so right to me.

That doesn't mean that we will have three. Londo is still pretty sure his answer is two. I love our two kids, and I will definitely be extremely happy with this family as it currently is. But I worry that I will always feel like I wasn't done. That our family should have had one more. I just won't insist on it at the expense of going to the poor house or Londo having a total breakdown (his threats to leave me are just a joke... but his having a breakdown might have some truth to it).

I may want three kids now, at this moment, but my two are fantastic and I don't want to miss a moment with them. So I will focus on them now, and give it another year or two to decide for sure with Londo. This does mean we have to keep all that maternity clothes and infant clothes and toys for a few more years. It will be nice to get all that out of the house. But I'm not ready yet to say that we are done.

What about you? Are you done with one? Two and through? Three and let it be? Four or more? Has your answer changed over time, especially since actually having kids? Is your partner in agreement? If you don't have a partner, would you be willing to have more on your own? In your ideal world, how many kids would you have, knowing what you know now?

Baby Announcement! And One-on-One Time with the Kids

I want to announce to everyone that my good friend, MommyEm, had her baby on July 4th! Welcome to the world, little baby girl! I am certain that you will be well loved by your mom, dad and big sister (and two cats)! I can't wait to meet you!

While last weekend was a busy weekend for my friend, I actually had a pretty easy, low-key July 4th weekend.

Londo took the Pumpkin down to visit his family for the weekend. They have a big July 4th BBQ party, and he thought they'd have fun. Although I considered going to the fun party and lovely inlaws, I was in greater need of a break from at least half of my parenting responsibilities. Plus, Londo and I thought this would be a great opportunity for us to give the kids some devoted one-on-one time. So I stayed home with the Pookie.

Londo and the Pumpkin left on Friday morning, arriving at the inlaws in the afternoon--in time to pick berries and help garden in my MIL's fantastic, organic garden. Meanwhile, I dropped the Pookie off at daycare and went to work.

The Pookie and I had an easy evening, with his normal (early) dinner time and an early bedtime. He is very exhausted from being at daycare, where they have only one nap a day. So he went to sleep quickly and easily, giving a whole evening BY MYSELF! It was like a piece of heaven.

On Saturday, the Pookie and I went to the pool between his naps, stopping by the neighborhood 4th of July party and eating lunch at the pool. I struck up a conversation with a woman who lives a few houses away and has two kids, ages 2 and 3. I'm really making an effort to make friends with my neighbors, especially those with kids around my kids' ages. And this new friend and her husband invited me over for a BBQ on Sunday! I stopped by for a little while, until it was the Pookie's bedtime. I hope to do more with them soon.

What else did I do on Saturday--or heck, the rest of the weekend? I'm not even sure! Oh, I know I took a nap that afternoon while the Pookie took his second nap. In fact, I napped every day while the Pookie took one of his naps. During his other nap, I was fixing up our front room, into which we've moved the shelves and books to be the library, and the guest room, which has my desk and is going to be my slash-office! This was all set up the previous weekend, with help from Londo, his dad and my dad.

The Pookie apparently needed to catch up on his sleep all weekend. Not only was he taking two naps a day each of the three days we were home together, but the morning naps were 2 - 2.5 hours! He also went to bed early-ish each night. Even though he woke up for 1.5 hours in the middle of one of those nights (let's hear it for the 55 week fussy period/sleep regression!), he still slept a lot overall.

That gave me so much time to clean and organize the house, as well as relax and enjoy time to myself.

But more importantly, I got to spend so much quality, one-on-one time with my baby boy. Being the second child, he really doesn't get much one-on-one time from us parents. Usually, the only time I have alone with him is putting him down for a nap or for bed. That doesn't give me a chance to sit with him and see how he is developing and playing, or let me focus my attention on him while we are out doing things.

For the last two weeks (before he started at daycare, but even more since), he has been especially clingy to me. As he gets better and better at walking away from me, he comes back to me and clings tighter and tighter. That's hard to deal with while juggling a 3 year old who needs large amounts of attention in different ways. By the end of our weekend together, he really wasn't clingy much at all. Until he went back to daycare. Sigh...

It was also such a great weekend for father-daughter bonding down at my inlaws. Londo and the Pumpkin had so much fun down there and in the car trips to and from. (Anyone remember how miserable my daughter used to be in the car? It's a whole new world now, baby!) They had a lot of quality time together. Not all of it was perfect, and the Pumpkin woke up sick on Monday before heading home (and she also got sick in the car on the way home), but we don't look for perfect in the caramama family (or else I'd be in trouble!).

For those of you with two or more kids, I highly recommend splitting them up for a weekend if possible and when they are old enough. It's great to have that one-on-one time, plus it's really fun to be reunited! And after I completely wean the baby, I plan to take the Pumpkin on a trip somewhere with just me, leaving Londo and the Pookie at home.

And someday, Londo and I hope to take a weekend or even a night away together, without the kids! Can you imagine?

Question of the Week - Who Ya Gonna Call?

The other week, I read this really interesting article about how hearing mom's voice can reduce the stress hormone (cortisol) and increase the bonding hormone (oxytocin), which is usually brought out by touch (this isn't the article I originally read, but it is a really good write-up about the research). The study was done on 61 girls, agest 7 to 12, who performed in a stressful situation. One group of girls got physical contact with their moms, another talked to their moms over the phone and the final group watched a neutral movie. At the end a set period of time, they tested the girls' cortisol levels and oxytocin levels. (There was a bit more too it, but that is the gist.)

The girls who had physical contact had the most quickly reduced levels of cortisol and a significant increase in oxytocin. The girls who talked to their moms over the phone had the same amount of cortisol, although it reduced more slowly, and the same increase in oxytocin. The girls who didn't have contact with their moms had elevated levels of cortisol and low levels of oxytocin.

Although I would like to see additional studies done on boys calling their moms, both kids calling their dads, kids getting to choose who they want to call (cause not every mom may be a calming influence) and some other variations, this is very fascinating stuff! Reading about it gives me warm fuzzies (or is that the oxytocin?) both as a mom and as a daughter. Not only does this information help solidify my plans to call my kids when I'm away over the years, but it also makes me think back to all those times in college and after when I would call my mom after something stressful.

It also got me thinking about who I call these days when I'm frustrated or stressed. Which got me wondering who other people call. Which is of course this week's question of the week:

Who do you call when you are stressed out?

I find that I call different people for different types of stress. I don't know if my oxytocin levels increase in any of these cases, but I do think that my cortisol levels probably decrease. Here's who I call for what:

• my hubby - I call him when I'm stressed about the kids and anything else in my entire life. Although lately, phone calls are not conducive to reducing stress, since either he is or I am home juggling kids or at work dealing with business when we call each other. I prefer to talk to him in person, after the kids are in bed, when I am winding down and unloading at the end of the day.
  
• my mom - I still call my mom to talk about various things. Usually kid issues or money frustrations or health concerns. She is really a balm to my spirit in those cases and more.
  
• my dad - When I'm feed up or upset about work, my Dad is my go-to guy to talk to. I don't call him to vent and complain about many things, although I do call him with issues and concerns I have from health stuff to household stuff. More importantly, I call him when I am doing something cool and want to share it with someone, just like he does with me and my siblings.
  
• my sister - On average, I probably have real conversations with my sister either every day or every other day. We have the same general commute schedule and hands-free earpieces, so we chat away while on our drives, in part to keep from getting frustrated in the crappy DC traffic and in part to keep in touch with each other. We talk about everything from kids to health to husbands to pre-schools to upcoming vacations to family to, well, everything! Just this morning, we spent 30 minutes planning a summer vacation! She is the main reason Londo had to up my cell phone minutes a year or two ago. Heh.
  
• good friends - I have 2-3 good friends who are great phone talkers. We tend to take turns complaining and raving about just about everything in our lives. (I have a lot of other good friends who are great in-person talkers but not great phone talkers, so just because I don't call them once or twice a week on my commutes does not mean they aren't treasured friends.)

Who do you call when you need to reach out and touch someone? Do you call different people for different things? Does calling your mom provide you with comfort or raise your stress levels through the roof? If your stress is high, who ya gonna call?

Question of the Week - Powerless

Well. So far, we are surviving the Blizzard of 2010. But there have been casualties. As in most of the contents of our fridge and freezer. And hours of sleep. Because? We lost power for almost two days.

It went out Friday night, was out all day Saturday and Saturday night, and the entire day Sunday. We handled the first night okay, although it got a bit cold, which woke the kids up and made it a rough night for the Pookie especially. We did fine on Saturday, thanks to the gas fireplace to warm the family room and kitchen. But Saturday night was not so good. It was COLD. The Pookie couldn't sleep alone past the first couple of hours, because it was just too cold. But he had trouble sleeping with us and needed me to get up with him to nurse, and it was freaking freezing!

Sunday morning, we all got up and had breakfast. Then I packed a bag for the kids and myself, and Londo took us to my parents house. They had power, heat and welcoming arms. I stayed the entire day and night with the kids, while Londo stayed in our freezing house with the animals and the gas fireplace.

I have a lot more to say about the interesting time, including how awesome my husband is and some things I've learned from the experience. But I'm saving that for another post.

This week's question of the week is:

What would you miss most if your power went out long term?

This answer has become very easy for me: the heat! I'd probably have a different answer in the summer, but I HATE the cold. It was SO COLD! I was miserable, even in layers and layers. I don't mind playing in the snow, as long as I can go inside and get warmed up. When that's not the case, I'm pretty unhappy.

I think I could live without lights, TV, the fridge (we have a gas stove, so we didn't have to worry about that), and even--heaven forbid!--the internet. But I just can't deal with the cold.

What about you? What would you miss the most in a "grid down" scenario? What electrical item would you miss the most? What would make a powerless life miserable for you?

Our Family Christmas

We had a wonderful Christmas! Our first Christmas as a family of four (plus 2 pets). It was special and meaningful and fun.

The Pumpkin is at a great age for the holiday. She is really starting to understand and remember and "get" it. Leading up to Christmas, she helped Londo pick out a tree, she helped us decorate, she read books about the birth of Jesus and about Santa Claus, and she generally participated in the holiday preparations and fun.

We are also starting our own traditions for our family. On Christmas Eve before we went up for bed, we each opened a small present and then hung our stockings up near the fireplace. After putting the kids to bed, Londo and I finished wrapping the presents together down in the family room. It was neat to realize that now WE are the parents and that it's OUR responsibility to get everything taken care of the night before Christmas while OUR children are asleep in their beds with sugarplums dancing in their heads.

On Christmas morning, Londo got up with the Pumpkin and took her downstairs while the Pookie and I slept an extra half hour (not only had we both stayed up a bit late getting ready for Christmas, but I was up with the Pookie for an hour at one point in the middle of the night and I was freaking tired!). He entertain the Pumpkin with the present she'd opened the night before.

When the Pookie and I came downstairs, we took down our stockings and opened them. Then we went into the front room/parlor/future library (when we can afford nice shelves) where the tree is and opened our presents. The Pookie hung out with us in his exersaucer and was pretty entertained by all the hubbub of opening presents. The Pumpkin sat in one of the chairs with us and was a champ at tearing the wrapping paper off and tossing it on the ground. Once a present was opened, she go, "Oh, thank you!" in this delighted voice, even if she wasn't sure what it was.

After presents, we had a delicious breakfast of omeletes that Londo made. Then the kids sat around playing with presents while I put together the apple pie I was bring to my parents' house. We all got ready in our red and green and headed over to my parents'. At my parents' house, we exchanged presents, ate a delicious meal and enjoyed time with family. For the dinner, there were 13 adults (including my almost 96-year-old grandma), one teenager (my 15-year-old niece), 6 pre-schoolers/toddlers (3 of which are my kids' cousins) and two babies (mine and my sister's boys). It was a full house and full table! It was wonderful.

Next year, we'll go down to the inlaws for Christmas. I know I'll miss waking up in our own beds and doing our own traditions, but we really love to visit the inlaws and we always enjoy the holidays there. Too bad there is no teleportation devise so that we could wake up in our house and beam over there for Christmas dinner.

We had a fantastic holiday and are looking forward to many more. Although winters are tough for me, the holidays are definitely a bright spot. I hope you all had happy holidays as well!