To Tell the Truth

The Pumpkin has a very active imagination. She loves to make up songs, stories, names and, well, everything. She is taking drama class again this year, and she loves to pretend to be things. Most often lately she's wanted to pretend to be a teacher and I am the mom teacher, which is a cute idea.

She also loves to be silly and does things just to make people laugh. Part of her silliness is making up funny things, combining her love of thinking up things and being silly. She comes up with all sorts of things, and I'm constantly amused, as is Londo and the Pookie.

But it can be hard to figure out exactly what to believe sometimes. I know what she makes up when I'm right there (she is not really marrying her brother), and I can also guess quite a bit of what's made up about school (they do not have a classroom horse so they can learn about taking care of horses). But sometimes there are stories she tells that I don't know if they are true or not.

And just to keep me completely confused, she either doesn't understand the concept of "true" or thinks it means something it doesn't. Because after she told me the story about the classroom horse? She looked at me, nodded her head and said, "It's true." One time she even said, "True story"! Kids these days learn that internet speak early!

One thing that drives Londo crazy is when people lie to him. So he's worked to explain what is true versus what is a lie to the Pumpkin for years. She either isn't getting it or is pushing her boundries to see what stories she can get away with. Either way, it can be frustrating for all involved.

If we can't believe her when she says something is true, then it become really hard to trust that she's doing what she should be. For example, if we ask if she washed her hands after she used the potty, we've heard her insist she has even though we saw her NOT do it. But other times, she insists to the point of tears that she has and we don't know if she has or not, which must be extremely frustrating for her if she really is telling the truth.

I always keep in mind a phrase one commenter on Ask Moxie who was a teacher would say to her students' parents: I'll believe half of what the kids say happen at home if you believe half of what they say happen at school.

I know it's a normal development phase, and the book Nurture Shock claimed that the ability to lie shows intelligence in children. But it's still frustration.

On the bright side, she does have an amazing imagination and tells very interesting stories and comes up with very creative games. That's the part I concentrate on, even when she tells me that she truly had the toy first, not her brother, when I know she didn't. Who knows what that girl of mine is going to come up in her life? I can't wait to find out.

Just Say Yes, Of Course

The Pumpkin has been in a phase where instead of saying "yes" she answers "of course." Like most phases, it started out cute, but has become a problem.

At first, she just said it ocassionally. "Pumpkin, can I have a kiss?" "Of course!" It was adorable, and we would laugh. The girl loves to make people laugh. She said it in response to sweet questions, and we found it adorable.

But then she started saying it more, and it was a little frustrated. "Pumpkin, do you want milk?" "Of course!" She didn't say it all the time, but just enough to cause Londo and I to sigh. How would we know if she wanted milk? There was no "of course" about it.

I'm sure you can guess what happened next. She started saying it all the time. So much, that it has started driving us crazy. "Pumpin, are you going to do what I've been telling you to do?" "Of course!" Now, she was using it in ways that were in way "of courses." Things she was ignoring until we practically had to force her to do or answer, and we'd get "Of course!"

Finally, one day I'd had it. I responded back that it was not "of course." That "of course" was for when the answer was pretty much known, and that I had no idea that she had heard me and was going to do what I told her or that I didn't know for sure that she wanted milk. I old her that instead of answering "of course" that she should just say "yes."

She seemed to get it. And the next few times she said of course, I said, "Not of course. Just yes." And she'd say, "Oh, right. Yes." And after a few times of that, she stopped herself from saying of course and said yes instead. I noted it and praised her for remembering.

There has been a noticable difference in the last couple weeks. She really has cut way back on "of course" and mostly just answers "yes." This is how I know we are in one of those equilabrium stages, because she is making the adjust quickly, easily and without big arguments or meltdowns.

So let's hear it for the ability to modify behavoir at age 4! She listened to what I wanted, paid attention to why I wanted it, and has worked very hard to stop doing it. Do you think I can translate this ability to other areas of behavoir? Of course I'm gonna try!

Four Year Old World of Extremes

I don't know if it's a phase or the age or her personality or something she is picking up from those around her (like her parents), but lately the Pumpkin has living in extremes. It's not just the "ever"s or "never"s she is constantly saying, but it is also often about who is the "best" or "most" or "better" or "faster" or... well, you get the point.

I mostly just let it go. I know she doesn't mean it when I give her a hug or kiss I didn't know she didn't want and she says she is never going to hug or kiss me ever again. Or when we insist she cleans up her toys or brushes her teeth and she says she is never going to do it again. Or even when her brother does something she didn't want him to do and she says she's never going to play with him again.

It's the heat of the moment. It's her feeling her emotions to the fullest. It's her lashing out. At least it's not her hitting or pushing. She is using her words... but words can hurt and I know we will need to address it when she can understand a little better how those words hurt and when she has the control to not just lash out. In other words, when she's a little older... like 30... or maybe 40. I'll let you know when I've figured it out myself. Heh.

I do get a wee bit frustrated when she is so competitive about things. She has to "win" at everything, from finishing her food before her brother to going up the stairs to building a tower with blocks, she wants to beat him. While I think this is probably a normal phase for her age, I want her to know NOW that it's okay not to win, and that not everything needs to be a competition.

Just this morning, she finished her toast first and said she won. I said (as I have many times before) that it's not a race. You eat what you are hungry for until you are full. You don't need to eat it fast, and that it's better to take your time so you digest better. I have a feeling that I will have to continue making these statements for a while.

A little healthy competition is good. My husband has good results getting the kids to do some things by making it a race or seeing who can do it fastest. But when it's about everything and it's all about winning, I worry about it. I want her to have fun playing and doing things. I want her to encourage her brother and others with supportive comments. I want her to want to win in competions, but not be crushed if she loses. Most importantly, I want her to learn to be a good sport no matter if she wins or loses.

It doesn't have to be the tallest tower. She doesn't have to be the fastest up the stairs, especially when we are trying to be calm on our way to bed. She doesn't have to finish her food first. She doesn't have to say she'll never hug me again. It doesn't have to be all about the extremes.

We've been watching the Cars movie (SPOILER WARNING: I'm going to talk about the end of the movie and who won the final race!!!), and yesterday when it was near the end and they were doing the final race, she said that Lightning McQueen and the King won. And Londo and I explained to her that they didn't win. Chick won. Lightning went back to help his friend, The King. We explained that it was more important to him to help his friend than it was to win the race. That was the lesson that Lightning learned. This was just after we had talked about the things he learned from his friends that he used in the race.

She was quiet for a minute, watching the movie. Then she said, "Lightning learned two things from his friends. He learned to go backwards from Tow Mater. And he learned to turn from Doc." Londo said, "Yes, he learned those two things about driving for the race. But he also learned a third thing." I said, "He also learned that it's more important to help his friend than to win the race." Even though we had just said this, it felt important to repeat it.

These are the lessons we will work on. Right now, she is living in extremes. I've always said that the Pumpkin feels her emotions to the fullest. If she is happy, she is giddy with happiness. If she is sad, she is devestated. If she is angry, she is furious. She is my girl with the curl right in the middle of her forhead. I feel emotions like that at times as well. I understand getting overwhelmed and needing to express what I'm feeling. But I also understand how it can feel to be on the receiving end of those emotions, and how important it can be to temper them or find an appropriate outlet.

So we will keep talking about it. We will keep expressing the importance of being a good sport. We will work on teaching how words can hurt and how to express ourselves in ways that are not hurtful to others. And I think we'll be watching the Cars movie a few more times and discussing the lessons we can learn from that.

And maybe the world of extremes will continue. There are worse things that can happen. Hopefully she learns ways to express those extremes that aren't quite so, well, extreme. Time will tell.

Getting What He Wants Without Words

The Pookie is almost 17 months old. He has really great receptive language skills. He obviously understands a great deal, and he generally knows what the words are that we are saying to him. His own verbalizing, however, is not as advanced as his receptive skills. He does have quite a few words, but his pronounciation leaves a lot to be desired.

For example, instead of "mama," he says "nahnah." I'll take it, of course, cause at least he's saying something intending to be mama. But he does not pronounce Ms when he should. He also says "ick" instead of "milk," but he accompanies it with the sign for milk, which he does for some other words, too. He's makes specific noises and is learning the signs for cracker, cereal, water, more and all done. Actually, he has the words "all done" down pat.

For many other words or to convey meaning, he indicates with gestures and noises which we try to figure out. He gets frustrated, and that frustration comes out in ways I'm sure you all know. He gets mad and yells, he fusses and whines, and he throws things and has tantrums when thwarted or unable to get what he wants. In other words, he's a toddler with limited verbal skills.

Yesterday morning, the boy was up at 5:00. I tried to get him to go back to sleep, but it was no use. I let him play in his room for a while, but he kept fussing. Finally, at about 6:30 I brought him downstairs to feed the dog and just be somewhere else where he hopefully wouldn't wake up his sister and dad.

He was very happy to be downstairs. He helped me feed the dog and let her out, and then I went to get him milk. In fact, he asked for milk by name, though not sign. "Ick! Ick!" he said, pointing to the fridge. "Yes, yes. I'm getting your milk," I told him.

But when I handed him his sippy cup of milk, he yelled, "NO!" and slammed it down. "But little guy, that's what you asked for," I reminded him. But still, no. He didn't want the sippy cup. I decide to try him with water, which is sometimes what he wants instead of milk. Nope, no water. He again says milk and points to the fridge. I try to hand him his sippy cup, but that's still not what he wants.

He went to the cabinet with the kids' stuff. Oh, have I mentioned that he can totally undo all the baby-proofing on the cabinets? Yeah, that's fun. So he opens the baby-proofed cabinet and takes out a kid spoon. He walks back to the table. I think, well, maybe he's hungry. I try to put him in his highchair, but he freaks out.

Okay, no highchair. That's not new. Lately, he's started climbing in the real chairs around the table and wanting to be there unstead of the highchair. Over the weekend, we pulled out the Pumpkin's old booster seat for him to use at the table, and he's liked that a lot. Which of course means he rarely wants to be in the highchair, although he still sometimes tries to climb in it to indicate that he's hungry.

Even in my half-awake daze, I realize that he seems to want something specific. I start to piece it all together. He got a spoon and wants milk from the fridge. He is by the table but doesn't want to get in his highchair. It's morning and he's been up for quite a while, and he didn't eat much for dinner the night before. I think he must be hungry, and he usually has cereal in the morning. He doesn't usually remember the sign for cereal and I've never heard him say the word cereal, at least in a way I've understood.

So I ask him, "Do you want cereal?" He makes babbles that are not in disagreement. I go to the kids' cabinet and pull out a kid bowl. He looks excited by this development. I put the bowl on the table. I pull out Life and Cheerios and offer both to him. He quickly moves straight for the Life cereal.

I put that and the spoon on the table and help him climb into the booster seat at the table. He picks up the spoon and points to his bowl, making "ooo ooo" noises. I pour in the cereal, and he's obviously happy. He says "ick ick!" and I pour in the milk.

Delighted, he happily starts digging in to his cereal with both spoon and hand, as he does these days. He's sitting where he wants, eating exactly what he wants, eating the way he wants. Oh yes, he's a happy boy now!

Although he can get across what he wants without having the words, it would have been much easier and quicker if he did have the words. Someday, he will. For now, we'll keep trying to figure it out in other ways and teach him more signs.

Boy With Words

The Pookie does not like diaper changes. I do many different things to try and keep him from screaming while lying down on the changing pad, including trying different toys, making animal noises and tickling his adorable, exposed belly.

One morning last week, I had just tickle-tickle-tickled his belly and was putting a new diaper under him, when I heard him go, "ticka ticka ticka." This was a new noise, so I looked at him, and his little hands were making tickling motions on his own belly! ADORABLE!!!

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The Pookie hasn't said a lot of words. He's not really signing or speaking or telling me what sound a lion makes. He's gone through periods of babbling, and he does that babbling with intent thing that is super cute. But with a three year old around, and one who was ahead of the curve with talking, I forget the normal development for babies and toddlers learning to talk.

The Pookie's first word was "da da." For a while it was the only babbling he made, but he also definitely used it with intent when looking at Londo. So we called it. His first word at 11 or 12 months old was "da da."

He started saying "dah" for dog, while patting his leg, which is the sign (abbreviated from sign language) we use for dog. Those "da" babbles lasted a while. Finally, just after 12 months, he started making other babbling noises again. But he still didn't really have many words.

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Over the last month, the Pookie has started to use more and more words. Not all of them are actually words, but similar-ish sounds used to indicate the word he means. The beginnings of toddlerese, if you will.

There is the definitely clear "no no no" he says when doing something he shouldn't be doing. Of course, he keeps doing it, but I'm hoping that's more due to a lack of understanding the meaning of the word(s) no (no no) and not willful disobedience. We've got plenty of time for the latter when he's in the Twos and Threes.

He also says "go go go" when we are going somewhere or when I'm kicking the dog out of the kitchen.

He also says "dye dye" for bye bye, as waves his little hand when we are leaving or someone else is leaving us. He's started blowing kisses with his hand, too. It's super cute, and all the ladies at his daycare just laugh and think it's so adorable when he does it. (On a related note, his daycare drop offs are finally getting better!)

Two almost words he uses close to correctly are "dak oo" for thank you and "ja joo" for gentle. I say almost because he says his version of thank you while holding something out for us, as in he is giving us something and we say thank you to him for giving it to us. But he doesn't always want to really give it up. Sometimes, he just wants to hold it up and say "dak oo." As for gentle, that's the word we use when he starts to pet the dog. He is generally gentle, but I believe he thinks it mean pet the animal. He saw the cat yesterday and started saying "ja joo" even though the cat never lets the baby near enough to pet him.

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The day after he started saying "ticka ticka" while tickling himself and trying to tickle us, I had the kids at the table for breakfast. I was turned away from the table, stirring the cream of wheat into the milk, when I heard someone say "ah oh." I assumed it was my daughter, since it was so clear and obvious as to what was said. But then I realized that it wasn't her voice.

I turned around and asked my daughter who said that. Before she could answer, the Pookie dropped another cheerio on the floor and said it again, clear as day! "Ah oh!" The Pumpkin and I started laughing and joining him in his "ah ohs."

Two new words in two consecutive days? Wow. He is really starting to talk. We are now entering a period of development that I love: beginning to talk. It will of course be followed by periods of learning to back talk and argue, but let's focus on the fun cuteness that is toddlerese, shall we? And let's all prepare for more and more stories about the cute things my kids say!

Speaking of which, my daughter still calls Baa Baa Black Sheep: Bla Bla Black Sheep. She also still occasionally uses the phrase "because that's why" in place of the word "because..." when she is trying to explain something. But more and more, she's saying words and phrases the right way. So the Pookie is starting to learn some words just in time!

That Is One Mean Mommy

Sunday night, the Pumpkin and I were playing in her room with her dolls and dollhouse before bed. I was trying to get her to put the dolls to bed in the dollhouse and then go to bed herself. She was insisting the dolls weren't tired, and she wasn't either.

I had the "big sister" doll, and she had the "mommy" doll. This was the conversation the dolls had:

caramama as Big Sister Doll: Oh, Mommy. I'm so tired. I'm going to go up and go to bed now.
Pumpkin as Mommy Doll: No, you do not go to bed now.
caramama as Big Sister Doll: But I'm so tired. Can't I please go up and go to sleep?
Pumpkin as Mommy Doll: No, you cannot. If you go up, then a monster is going to get you and hurt you and eat you up! And you will be very sad!
caramama as herself, trying to stifle laughter: Oh, Pumpkin. Mommy's don't say that. Mommy's never say that to their kids!
Pumpkin as Mommy Doll: Yes I do! And the monster is big and scary and it will get you! So you better stay here with me.

I was really amused, and kind of horrified. So I quickly maneuvered the conversation down a different path. I don't even remember what exactly I said to get her off of that, but we soon were having the Big Sister Doll wash up for bed and the Mommy Doll read her books in bed, while I took over as Daddy Doll to put the Twin Babies Dolls to bed.

The next morning, she told the Pookie that he had to stay somewhere or a crocodile would get him. Yikes! Thankfully, he doesn't yet understand those words.

Question of the Week - Internet Writing

The Internet has changed the way we write. It's influenced how we speak and how we act and, I would even argue, how we think. Being a language person, I really love to think about how language changes and is influenced.

Consider the following ways of writing that are normal on the Internet, but perhaps were not the norm prior:
-Acronyms for often-used phrases (LOL, YMMV)
-Written sounds we make to convey speech (meh, gah)
-Use of punctuation to describe how we are speaking (emphasizing. every. word. A lot!!!)
-Purposely mis-spelled words for effect (teh, haz)
-Brand new words to describe brand new things (tweets, blogosphere)
-Emoticons/phrases to express, well, emotions ( ;-), I <3 your blog)

Those are just a few I thought of off the top of my head. I'm sure there are many more examples of how the Internet is changing our language.

This week's question of the week is:

What is your favorite new way of writing that you get from the Internet?

I've got two: the written sounds and the punctuation to show the speech pattern. I especially love the words "meh" and "gah!" And I'm a huge user of the periods between words and multiple question marks or exclaimation points. It's just cause I love. them. so. MUCH!!!!

What about you? Do you find yourself using the acronyms regularly or throwing some internet words out in real life? Do you like the changes in teh language or r u wishing everyone would still write out the words even if it means longer texts? Any cool interweb speak that I missed which you enjoy?

Question of the Week - Other Languages

I totally had a different question of the week which I haven't had time to post, but then I read Ask Moxie's site today and remembered a different question I've been meaning to ask.

Do you use any words or phrases from different languages in your house as part of your normal lingo? If so, what?

I know there are a few of you who live in other countries and/or have spouses who speak other languages, so I'll bet you guys have a bunch.

For me and my husband, we speak American English and live in the US. BORING! But I used to be pretty fluent in Italian and lived over there for a semester in college. My goal when having kids was to start speak Italian again and get books and music in Italian so that I could teach them Italian. Italian is not super common here in the States, which is part of why it is appealing to me. I want to be able to say things to my kids that they will understand but no one else will. You know, like, "Stop your crying or I'll give you something to cry about!" (You all know I'm kidding with that, right?)

Although I do have some board books and a CD with music, I've not had the time to brush up on my own Italian language skills enough to use regularly with the kids. But there are some words that I have used and continue to use, as well as ones that I hope to use more (please excuse--or better yet, correct--any typos or misuses, as it's been many many years since I spoke the language regularly):

-Basta - means "enough" and I've used this with the dog for years. I'm planning to use it with the kids more, as needed.
-La bocca - means "the mouth" and I used it this with the Pumpkin when referring to her mouth as in open it or close it. I have a feeling I'll be using the phrase "Ferma la bocca" when I want her to shut her mouth in the teenage years! Ha!
-Aperto/Chiuso - ("open/close") I use this when playfully trying to get the Pumpkin to open (and close) her mouth to brush her teeth.
-Ciao - ("hello" and "goodbye" informally) I say this pretty often, especially with the accompanying "bella" (beautiful)
-Di mi - means "tell me" and though I used to say it all the time when living in Italy, I don't now. I plan to use this more.

How about you? Do you tell your child that he/she has that certain je ne sais quoi? When they keep begging for something, do you say nein? Do you greet your child with ni hao in the morning? Do you remind them to say por favor? Di mi!

Learning Her Native Language

I'm so fascinated with how my daughter is learning language. As a person who loves languages and words, seeing how a child's language develops first hand is really eye opening to me. I remember when I lived in Italy and spoke italian almost fluently, I was get so mad at myself when I mixed up pronouns or tenses. But watching my child go through those same things, I'm realizing that it is a natural part of learning any language.

We don't expect children to get even their native language correct from the get go. We know that they will say some words wrong, misuse phrases, mix up pronouns and verb tenses, and generally not understand some things that we usually take for granted. We generally aren't unreasonable in our expectations of children. We correct them or let it go when they don't say things right. It takes years and years and YEARS for them to learn their native language fluently, with higher and higher levels of vocabularly and grammar rules and goodness knows what else!

We tell them to "use their words" when they are frustrated/mad/sad, and it's up to us to teach them those words. Teaching them the words for their emotions, their needs and their wants not only helps us understand them and cuts down on their tantrums, but it also allows them to begin to understand their emotions, needs and wants. If you have a "spirited" child like I do, the book Raising Your Spirited Child has really helped me come up with phrases and ways to say things that I am teaching my daughter so that she will understand herself and be able to help other people understand her.

Recently, we've been working on helping her learn how to go to sleep by herself. It's a long process (no Baby Sleep Boot Camp for this child!), and I will post about my methods soon. Part of my strategy is teaching her the words she needs to know to understand what is going on and what she needs to learn. In the last few nights, I've heard her tell me the following:
-I'm having trouble going to sleep.
-It's hard [to go to sleep].
-I'm going to lay down and try to sleep. (I'm still working on lay versus lie with her)
-I just need to cuddle a little in your lap. (She gets back in bed after I cuddle with her a little.)
-I'm ready for you to go now. (She wasn't, but it was still good to hear the words.)

I believe it is because I'm teaching her the words that truly reflect what's going on that I'm hearing less of the follow at bedtime:
-There's a shark in the anchor (pointed to the cords of the window). It's going to eat me!
-I'm scared to lay down.
-Nooooo! Lay down with me!
-Go away! (and a second later) Don't leave!

And apparently, I'm also teaching her how to say some things simply because I say them all the time. These include:
-Hey--as in, "Hey, everybody!", "Hey, that's not right!", and "Hey! Hey! Hey!" (to get attention).
-Cannot--as in, "No, you cannot do that." I'd heard Londo say to her, "Embrace the use of the contraction," and I couldn't figure out why she was always using cannot instead of can't. Until I heard myself tell her, "No, you cannot do that!" one day. Aha!
-Actually--as in, "Actually, it does fit you." Actually, I have realized I use this word a ton. Actually, it's really cute when she says it, too. Actually, I have no plans to stop saying it.
-Oh my gosh--as in, "Oh my gosh! Those are so cute!" which she said about the clothes I picked out for her this morning, even though she "actually" didn't want to wear the shirt I had picked out. She has always loved to make the surprised face and sound, and now she's added oh my gosh.

But some cute phrases she has either picked up somewhere else or developed on her own. My favorite one lately is:
-By my own. As in, she came up with that one by her own. Not on her own or by herself. She wants to do things by her own. And I love it!

All my observations about how her speech and language develops is making me want to re-learn italian or maybe even another language too. I think I will feel less inhibited about speaking now that I realize that making mistakes and not speaking perfectly is a natural part of learning a language. And maybe I'll come up with some cute little phrases in italian all by my own!

Question of the Week - Ask the Grammar Queen

I want to reiterate here that even though I love grammar and notice mistakes, I do NOT judge anyone based on those mistakes. Unless you are applying for a job as a technical writer/editor and you have mistakes in your resume. Then, I will shake my head, laugh, and toss your resume into the trash.

But on your blog or in comments? No big deal. Heck, I know I make mistakes too. I hate it when I am rereading a post I already published and find grammar mistakes, typos or just confusing writing (usually stemming from sleep deprivation).

I do know grammar pretty well. And after all the comments on last week's post, I thought maybe for the Question of the Week I'd offer you the opportunity to ask me questions:

What question about grammar would you like me to answer?

Shoot me anything that you're not sure about or have always wondered. Heck, see if you can stump me! I'll be honest if I have to look up an answer.

And I'll start with one of my own and see if anyone can tell me:
-What is the difference/when do you use "wish I was" versus "wish I were"?

I had a boss a long time ago who told me the answer, but I have totally forgotten and am always wishing I knew. Anyone out there know?

What have you forgotten? What do you want to know? Are there any grammar or word usage errors that you often make?

A Grammar PSA

Today is National Grammar Day!

I love grammar. I'm a geek like that (and in other ways, too). It certainly stems from my love of language and writing. But not only do I love grammar, I'm really very good at it. I got my undergrad degree as an English major, and my graduate degree in Journalism and Mass Communication. I started my IT career as a technical writer. To this day at work, I'm called The Grammar Queen. During document reviews, I'm the one who always does the grammar check while reviewing.

In fact, I can't help but notice grammar mistakes whenever I read, including published books which have been through a gazillion reviews and edits.

Don't be scared, though! I may notice the mistakes, but I will point them out only if you ask me to. Not only that, I fully believe in different levels of writing, some of which don't have to adhere to grammar standards like text messaging/IMing. And in blogging, emailing and other forms of casual writing? I totally believe in breaking those rules of grammar (as is evidenced in the previous sentence). I prefer to write as I would speak on my blog. In addition, I'm awful at spelling and am constantly using spell check or looking up words in online dictionaries.

However, there are some common mistakes I've noticed over the years in the blogs I read. So I thought I would do a Grammar Public Service Announcement (PSA) in honor of National Grammar Day. Here are some grammar mistakes that we all should try to avoid:

1. Comprise/Compose.
Many people misuse the word "comprise." I use this simple phrase to remember when to use which:
-Part comprise a whole; a whole is composed of parts.

Correct: Many pieces comprise the toy.
Correct: The toy is composed of many pieces.
Incorrect: The toy is comprised of many pieces.

2. Punctuation with quotation marks.
Here's the thing about American English quotation marks: the punctuation goes inside the quotation marks. If you are writing for a British audience, then you put punctuation that is not part of the quote outside the marks. But in American English, the only punctuation that can go outside the marks is a question mark if it is not part of the direct quote. Also, American English uses single quotation marks only for quotes within quotes (unlike British English).

Correct: My daughter says "ballerlay" instead of "ballet."
Incorrect: My daughter calls her socks with lace ruffles "ballerlay socks".

Correct: Did my daughter just say "ballerlay socks"?
Correct: My husband ask, "Is she talking about her socks with ruffles?"

Correct: I also started calling them "ballerlay socks."
Incorrect (unless you are writing in British English): I hope she never stops calling them 'ballerlay socks'.

3. Misuse of commas:
I am one of the few people I know who know, and use correctly, commas every single time. I know when they are required, I know when they are optional but still fine to use, and I know when they are just wrong. I don't expect everyone to use this perfectly every time. Heck, I might misuse them on purpose to make something more clear--no, no I wouldn't.

Here are the general rules for commas:
-If you have two independent clauses (phrases with a subject and a verb), you have to use a comma before the conjunction (the "and," "or," "but," etc.).
Correct: The Pookie woke up only once last night, and the Pumpkin didn't come in our bed until after 5:00.

-If there is only one subject for two verbs, you do not use a comma.
Correct: The Pookie is sitting up and crawling!
Incorrect: The Pookie looked at his sister, and laughed.

-Use the comma for introductory phrases and for both sides of parenthetical phrases.
-Correct: This morning, I was woken up, at least once, by each being in my house.

-The serial comma (the comma that comes prior to the conjunction in a series of items listed in the sentence) is a stylistic choice. Either use it or don't, but be consistent throughout what you are writing.
Correct: I was up with the Pookie, the cat, the Pumpkin, Londo's alarm and the dog.
Correct also: I had to nurse, clean up throw up, escort my daughter into our room with books, try to sleep through loud music, and get throw up in a towel.

There are more, but this is SO long already. And who wants to read about grammar? For those rare people that do, check these out:
-Top Ten Grammar Myths
-How to Use a Semicolon

Not Said Quite Right (Shorts)

In general, I really love the 2-5 age range. I especially love the cute things they say when they don't say things quite right. Here are some that we've gotten to hear over the past year or so.

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When the Pumpkin was younger, we let her try hummus with red peppers and some salsa and other things to see if she liked spicy foods. She did not. After quickly realizing that, we determined that it was easier to tell her not to try something that was "too spicy" for her rather than deal with the mouth-on-fire feeling that she didn't understand.

So for probably about a year now, when the Pumpkin doesn't want to eat something or doesn't like the taste of something, she says, "That's too spicy for me."

We tell her, "I don't think that word means what you think it means."

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Over the last few months, the Pumpkin has been going through that stage of testing out what is scary to her. At first, she wasn't really scared of things, just playing the emotion and motions. Then it seemed like she was actually starting to get a bit scared of some things. And then she started using the word scary simply for things she didn't like or want to do.

For example, at bed time she wanted Daddy to put her to bed. When I said I was going to do it, she said, "No! Mommy scares me!"

Let me be clear: I did nothing that would scare her at all. Another time it seems like the word doesn't mean what she thinks it means.

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Sometimes she repeats things we say or songs she hears, but doesn't get the words right.

Like around Halloween, she and I sang along with the radio (and a CD), "Awoooo. Wearwolves of London!" But she would say something like, "Awoooo. Wear wool of dundun." Cute, but not quite right.

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During this recent regression she went through (and even again last night), it seemed to me that she also regressed in her pronunciation of some words that she used to say just fine. So there would be times I simply could not understand what she was saying no matter how many times she repeated herself or how loud she said it.

So we would ask her, "What does that mean?"

And she would answer, "[Whatever word] is a good idea!"

She would say it as if that's what the word meant, not that whatever it was she was talking about was a good idea to do. So I think she's a bit confused over this one as well.

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Just like Cloud's Pumpkin, our girl has also started talking about when she or me or Londo grow little. As in, when Mommy is a baby, the Pumpkin will feed me. Or when we are littler than her, she will carry us.

I'm sure I could figure out an age-appropriate way to explain time's arrow, but it's just too cute for me to do just yet.

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The Pumpkin has also been working on genders and pronouns over the last few months. Londo calls the Pumpkin his little girl, and she calls him her big boy. But lately she's not getting it quite right. This is partly because she loves to assign us all to play different people, so that I'm Daddy, Daddy is the Pookie, the Pumpkin is Mommy, etc.

But being in a contrary stage, she will totally argue with you when you correct her. So she say that daddy is her big girl. We will try to correct her, but she will say, "No, he is not! Daddy is my big girl!"

I think she mostly gets it, but she just likes to play around or argue or, you know, be Two/Almost-Three.

Cute Things She Says Shorts

I love all the cute things my girl says. She's 2.5 years old now, and I've missed recording so many of the adorable ways she says things. So I'm going to do some snippets of things she's said recently and some from way back.

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I read a lot of books child development and communication. A few of the communication books mentioned that when a child wants something, sometimes you can just acknowledge the want by saying that you wish they could have/do that, and that is enough to satisfy them.

I like this technique and have used it a bit. For example, if she says she wants a cupcake, I'll say, "I wish you could have a cupcake! But we don't have any in the house. I want one too." Or something like that.

So the other morning, this was the conversation:
caramama: Oh, Pumpkin, we still have to brush your teeth.
Pumpkin: I'll do it all by myself!
caramama: Well, Mommy has to do it.
(I have to at least "take a turn" or else she just sucks on the toothbrush and doesn't get any brushing done. She knows this, but often wants to do it herself only.)
Pumpkin, said in a perfect imitation of the tone I use: I wish you could, Mommy. But I'm gonna do it by myself.
caramama (trying not to die laughing): Well, what if we do it together?
Pumpkin: OK!

And we did it together while singing the WonderPets' teamwork song.

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The other morning I called out to her, "Pumpkin* pie?" She replied, "Yes, Mommy pie?"

She did it again this morning when I said, "I love you, Pumpkin pie." She said, "I love you, Mommy pie."

I just love that!

*I used her real name with "pie" after it.

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Back in January or February of this year, she used to say "Where oh where is _____?" when she was looking for something. She ddn't just say "where is ____." She'd say "where oh where is ____" or sometimes just "oh where is ____." I think she got it from the song "Where oh where has my little dog gone?" which I sing to her on occassion.

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Just recently she seems to have the names of colors right. But she used to not say a few colors correctly:

-Yellow: When she was very young, she'd say "lello." But over the last year and a half, she's been calling it "yea-yo."
-Orange: She'd always called it "or-jas" with the soft j sound like you say "je" in French. And it was always plural.
-White: For a long time, she would call things that were white "black." She would just mix up the name for white, although she always got black correct.

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Until just a week or two ago, the Pumpkin would say the word ravioli as "laliloli." It was sooooo cute!

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Last January, I tried to teach the Pumpkin to say Obama and who Obama was. She did not get it. Instead, she started occasionally calling me O Mama or O Mommy. Londo incouraged this behavoir. And though I tried to get her to, she would not say O Daddy.

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I know there are more. Hopefully I'll remember to write them down and share them another time.

Mommy's a Good Helper Too

Sometime last weekend, the Pumpkin asked if I wanted to play with her. Londo had the baby, so I said sure. I put down the dishes I was cleaning and went into the living room to play. She asked me if I wanted to help her and bring the bowl from her play kitchen to her table (the toddler table). This is just the sort of thing we ask her to do when she wants to help us in the kitchen.

Of course I said sure, and I brought the bowl to the table while she pretended to cook at her play kitchen. She said to me, "Good job, Mommy! You are a good helper!" She gave me another bowl, and I did a good job with that one, too!

Multi-Lingual Child

I love other cultures and languages. This is a love that runs in my family and has been cultivated by my family. For instance, my mother's father could speak 6 language fluently and could get by in maybe 5 or 6 more. My mother's mom's speaks Italian, and her mother came over from Italy. My mother majored in French in college and has picked up a decent amount of Italian, Spanish and German over the years. In my father's family, one of his sisters and his brother both married Filipino spouses. Although my dad struggles with languages, many members of his family speak English, Spanish and Tagalog with equal ease.

On all sides of my family, just about everyone has loved to travel. Londo's parents also love to travel and learn about other cultures, so there's definitely interest rom that side as well.

I can't wait until we are ready to travel to other countries with the Pumpkin and the Peanut. (What do you think? Is Peanut a good nickname for the boy?) I can't wait for them to understand and appreciate what other cultures and countries are like. I've already started introducing her to other languages and the idea of other cultures and countries. I've spoken to her some in Italian, read to her some Italian board books, sung nursery rhymes and songs in Italian and French, and played for her an Italian music and language CD for babies to toddlers. Our nanny is originally from Peru and teaches her some words and songs in Spanish. I must admit that TV has also helped, as she learns from Dora and Deigo, Ni Hao Kai Lan, and Toot and Puddle.

I've read that it is good to introduce other languages to children at a very young age. Not so that they can be child prodigies who are fluent in many languages. But for me at least, it's so that she hears the sounds of the other languages and becomes familiar with the idea of other languages. I was reading that often adults can't hear differences in the way some words are spoken in languages they haven't heard until they were adults. The ear loses the ability to distinguish certain sounds that it hasn't heard or needed to use before. So by introducing different languages and sounds to the Pumpkin at such a young age, she will hopefully have the ability to pick up languages later in life, if she so chooses.

She really seems to be enjoying and picking up on the other languages now. She seems to prefer the French "Frere Jacques" version to the "Are You Sleeping" English version. She also loves to sing a Spanish song the nanny taught her to the same tune. She cackles with glee and joins in a bit when I sing her the Italian song (I forget the name)about winter ending and May returning with the song of the coo coo--she loves the coo coo part.

Then one morning a few weeks, she was pretending to need help getting up while I was talking to the nanny before I left for work, and all of a sudden, we hear her go "ayúdeme" (Spanish for help me), which she obviously learned from Dora and Diego. The nanny and I just burst out laughing.

She also says "ni hao" (Chinese for hi) and "xie xie" (Chinese for thank you) to us, which she learned from Ni Hao Ki Lan. She knows some other Chinese and Spanish words for things like push and pull that she randomly throws out there. I need to keep working on Italian words, but I've kind of been slacking on that for a while. I used to tell her "nella bucca" when I wanted her to put her spoon/fork/food in her mouth instead of playing with it, and the Italian "bucca" for mouth sounds the same as the spanish.

As for English, my supergenius is exceeding in that communication for a 25 month old, so I'm not worried about any language delays or confusion due to introducing other languages.

Mostly, I just think it's fun to learn languages and have her learn them. And apparently, she thinks it's fun too!

Quick Thinking with Long-Term Results

I mentioned yesterday (and probably earlier also) that I really do love the toddler/pre-schooler age. I find it so rewarding and exciting. And I deal with the tantrums surprisingly well. I know my daughter really well by now, and I know that she doesn't tantrum to get what she wants (for a great conversation about this, check out a recent Ask Moxie post, with a fantastic answer from Sharon, Mommy Mentor, and great discussion from the commenter). Heck, half the time she has no idea what she wants. We get a lot of "I wan milk!" and a second later "No milk!" for pretty much everything. I know she is mostly frustrated about something and overwhelmed with emotions that she doesn't know how to deal with.

We are working on helping her develop skills to deal with her emotions, tools to use instead of whining and having melt downs. But sometimes, it's just about appeasing the beast so we can move on to whatever needs to be done. Especially at bedtime, which seems to be especially difficult for my child.

The Pumpkin often has trouble settling down and getting comfortable, and I often offered to sing her a song. It usually seems to help her calm down and focus on something besides the fact that she can't get her body comfortable or her mind to stop going at a fast speed. The problem is often finding a song that's acceptable.

caramama: How 'bout Twinkle Twinkle Little Star?
Pumpkin: No tinkle tinkle lillel star!
caramama: How 'bout ABCs?
Pumpkin: No ABCs!

And so on until I can find one acceptable, which often goes like this:
caramama: How 'bout Mary Had a Little Lamb?
Pumpkin: No lillel lamb!
(pause while I'm thinking of another song to offer...)
Pumpkin: How bout lillel lamb?
caramama: Okay! That's a great idea!

But one night a couple months ago, it didn't go so smoothly. I offered a song she wanted, but it wasn't the song she wanted.
caramama: How 'bout Leaving on a Jet Plane (she used to especially love it when I sang the John Denver song)?
Pumpkin: No jet plane!
caramama: How 'bout Twinkle Twinkle Little Star?
Pumpkin: No tinkle tinkle lillel star! (pause) How bout jet plane?
caramama: Sure! I'll sing Jet Plane.
caramama singing: All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go--
Pumpkin: No No No!!! How bout jet plane?
caramama: Sweetheart, that is the jet plane song.
Pumpkin: No No! Jet plane!!!

This back and forth went on for a little while. Logic and reason does not work on a toddler, or at least this toddler. Finally, in a quick-thinking moment of genius, I just made up a song with the words jet plane in it. I'm going to write it down now, so I never forget it. Too bad I can't also record the tune here--I'll have to get it on video or audio sometime.

caramama's Jet Plane Song, dedicated to the fussy Pumpkin:
A plane, a plane, a big jet plane
flying so very high.
A plane, a plane, a big jet plane
way up in the blue sky.
A plane, a plane, a big jet plane
flying through the clouds into the sun.
A plane, a plane, a big jet plane
carrying the people, everyone!

Not my best work, but not bad considering the circumstances.

Anyway, in the ensuing months, during her fussy bedtimes, I still offer to sing. She often requests Jet Plane or I suggest it, since it is often the only song that she wants to hear at night. And she wants to hear it again and again and again. I've been considering making up more verses so I can have more variety during the constant repeatings, but that would require more creativeness and memory than I have after 30-60 minutes of tossing, turning, tantrums and tiredness (both mine and hers).

I have a feeling I'm going to need to use a lot of quick thinking in the years to come, much of which I'll have to remember because it will be requested again and again and it will be the ONLY THING that will work. Thank goodness for blogging and the ability to write it all down!

Question of the Week - Help a Mama Out

I have so many random questions I want to ask around about, so many areas in which I would love some advice and opinions. How can I narrow this week's question of the week down to just one? So...

This week's question of the week is:

Can you help caramama out with answers or advice in any of the following areas?

(Hehe. See what I did there? I'm totally cheating!)

1. My daughter keeps singing some words to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle (or ABCs or Baa Baa Black Sheep--all of those have the same tune), and the words of the second line go something like, "Where you going in the night?" I have no idea where it is from, which means it probably was on some TV show I didn't watch with her (last time we had a mystery song, it turned out to be the Wonderpets song). She is singing the same words over and over, so I'm pretty sure she didn't make it up. Does anyone have any idea what she's singing? It's driving me crazy to not know!

2. I was looking at beds for the Pumpkin's new room, and most of the ones I like with drawers or trundles under have just the platform that you put the mattress on. No box spring. Londo is concerned that just a mattress might be bad for her back. Also the only ones we've slept on like that were super uncomfortable, but I think that has more to do with how hard the mattresses were then the fact that they didn't have box springs. Does anyone know anything about mattresses without box springs? I just know that the bed frames look cute.

3. I know I've gotten sibling/new baby book recommendations before, but I'm totally blanking on all of them. I keep meaning to buy some, but haven't been to a store on made an online order for a while. I'm going to REALLY soon. So, does anyone have any good recommendations for us to read to the Pumpkin to help her prepare for the new "baby brudda"?

4. Does anyone know how to safely (and hopefully easily) get cat urine out of antique fabric on a chair? I won't get into the story except to say, "Grrrrrrrrr!!!"

5. Londo and I were planning to buy a cheap dresser for the Pumpkin's new room because we are sure she will draw on it and put stickers on it and what have you. But my dad mentioned that if it's a cheap dresser it might not be that sturdy. And it is well known that my child LOVES to climb everything she possibly can. My dad was worried she's try to climb in or on a drawer (highly likely) and it would break and she's get hurt. Does anyone have an opinion on cheap vs. sturdy or a good idea to get both? (No need to recommend IKEA. I really like the idea of IKEA and the things I see other people have from there, but I can never find things I like/in my style there, unfortunately.)

6. The Pumpkin LOVES music. She also loves to push buttons, and she loves to turn on the music box attached to the crib in the nursery (where she is currently). So we would like to get her some sort of kids radio/(maybe) CD player for her new room. However, her love of climbing includes standing on toys. Also, she is not really careful with things yet, although she is learning. Anyone have any suggestions on a radio/CD player that would be good for her?

I'm sure I had more, but that's probably enough for now. I hope someone can help us out with any of these!!!

Let's Do That... Later...

When the Pumpkin wants to do something or go somewhere, she knows how to ask for it. When she asks, I repeat it back to her, and if she really does want that thing (rather than just saying something she thought of because it popped in her head), she says, "Okay, let's do that."

For example:
Pumpkin: Mommy, poo poo potty?
caramama: Do you have to go poo poo on the potty?
Pumpkin: Okay, let's do that.
(This is as opposed to her answering: No! No poo poo potty!)

I think this is an incredibly cute phrase for her to use, and she uses it very regularly. She most likely picked it up from me responding to her with that same phrase when she asks to do something or go somewhere. (She also says "Do it!" to herself when she is about to do something big, like jump off the bottom step. Again, I think this is from telling her to "Go ahead and do it" to let her know that I'm okay with whatever she is about to do.)

The Pumpkin asks for a lot of things these days. She knows what she wants, and she regularly demands it. Unfortunately, she can't have everything she wants at the time she wants it. This is why I LOVE the word "later."

I'm not sure she exactly gets the concept of later, but she seems to kind of understand. She knows it's not "no" but she also knows that it's not "yes, you can have that right now." Most of the time, if I tell her later, she will say, "Okay. Later." And she will usually stop asking for it (at least for a while).

For example:
Pumpkin: Mommy, go outside?
caramama: It's raining outside right now. We'll go out later.
Pumpkin: Okay. Later.
(This is as opposed to me saying "no, we can't" and her demanding: Outside! I wan (want) outside!)

Sometimes? After she's agreed to later? She forgets she about it completely and later never comes!!!

I try not to abuse the power of the word later, because it has power unlike any other word in my vocabulary for my instant-gratification demanding toddler. In fact, I usually try to do what she wants, like letting her color with crayons or giving her a cracker. There are other times, when the answer is simply "no" and I move to distract her from activities such as pulling on the lamp's electrical cord.

But then other times, when I know she really wants it, and I'm okay with it but just don't want to deal with the mess/hassle/energy required/bad timing/etc. It's those times when I pull out the power of the word LATER!

Supergenius Knows Her Diaper

The Pumpkin wears Huggies Overnites diapers to bed. These diapers have Mickey Mouse is on the diaper, which she and I have talked about before. (Click here and look at the size 5 diapers to see the picture that we talk about.) So last night, as I'm putting her diaper on, and we have this conversation:

Pumpkin: Mouse!
caramama: Yes, that's Mickey Mouse on your diaper. What's he doing?
Pumpkin: Mouse seeping. (Mouse is sleeping.)
caramama: That's right! And who is with him?
Pumpkin: Teddy bear!
caramama: That's right! You are so smart!

I still can't get over that I can ask her real questions and she can answer. It really just floors me. While she's not ahead of all milestones, she really is quite amazing with her communication skills. In fact, recently a friend mentioned that she keeps thinking that the Pumpkin is older than she really is. I said that it was probably because she is so ahead with talking. Londo looked at me and asked, "Really?" I just nodded and said, "Oh, yeah. Most kids have some words and phrases right now but don't communicate as well as our girl. This is just an area that she happens to be ahead in." (I want to be sure I set his expectations for any future kids, as well as friends and relatives kids.)

I've got a post I'm working on in which I'm going to list a bunch of cute things we taught her to say, some that we didn't teach her, and some that she taught us. I'll probably post that next week.

I also have another post in which I want to note the areas in which the Pumpkin isn't up to or ahead of the milestones (besides sleep and self-soothing), because she has those areas too. Although she is a supergenius!

Question of the Week - Learning Languages

I spent all day today at the DC BlogHer conference, which was totally awesome! I will blog all about it after I've had some time to let it sink in.

I have had the pleasure of viewing, and reviewing on my review blog, Baby Signing Time Volume 3 and Volume 4! I couldn't be more excited about these DVDs, and if you are at all interested, please check out my review and the DVDs.

Teaching babies and toddlers to sign is really teaching them another language, as well as providing them another form of communication to ease up on their (and the parents') frustrations. I think it's so important to teach kids how to communicate, especially in more than one language. If you start teaching another language at a young age, they are more likely to pick up language even as they get older. And in today's globalized world, that is an increasingly important skill.

Which is why this week's question is:

If you could teach your child to be fluent (or you yourself be fluent) in any language, what would it be?

Is it obvious from my blog that I would love for the Pumpkin to learn italian and that I wish I was still fluent in it? I have bought board books in italian, which I read to the Pumpkin so she can hear the words and I can brush up on the language I love so much. I hope to do more with her as the years go on. I think it would be especially neat to be able to talk to my child and future children in a language that not everyone around us understands... even if spanish might be more useful in this country.

A close second for me is sign language. I would love for the Pumpkin and myself to be fluent in sign language. I have such respect for the language and form of communication. We are well on our way, thanks to Baby Signing Time and other resources, such as the ASL browser.

How about you? I know a few of you already so speak other languages with your children, either because you live in other countries or are fluent in other languages. Which are they and why are you glad you are teaching your children those languages? And what about those of you who speak only english? Do you wish you and/or your children could speak other languages?