Question of the Week - Ready or Not...

I had a different question for this week, but I'm going to have to push it to next week. Cause something happened this morning. Something I wasn't ready for.

The Pookie has pretty much stopped nursing. And I'm super emotional about this. Even though I thought I was close to ready, I'm still so sad and don't feel ready. Even though we were down to nursing in the mornings at wake up and at bedtime, I was (mostly) enjoying those times. Even though I had been planning to wean him by next month so I could start medication for this winter for my SAD, I thought I had another month.

Over the last couple of weeks, he's been been trying to do gymnastics in my lap while nursing at night. That has been frustrating and uncomfortable, but he was still mostly settling down to nurse at least for a little while. But not so the last few nights. Instead, his gymnastics had turned into playing games (kissing-instead-of-nursing games! snuggling-while-hiding-his-face games! catch-him-before-he-dives-over-the-arm-of-the-chair games!) and squirming off my lap to play on the floor. After 5 or 10 minutes of playing on the floor, I was able to pick him back up and rock him or walk with him, but he was not interested in nursing! [sob!] And last night? He nursed for maybe 2 minutes, and that was it. He was done.

So I did see it coming. I figured he was ready to stop nursing at night. We'd just nurse in the mornings for the next month. At least we'd have that.

WRONG! This morning? Two sips, which I doubt were even sips since I don't think the milk had even come down yet. And then he was squirming, cause what was the dog doing? Did he hear the Pumpkin? Was that Daddy? What were they doing? What's going on? Move out of my way, Mommy, and stop holding me back!

I thought briefly about pushing the issue. I could have closed the door, turned on the humidifier for white noise, held him in place, but it really wasn't likely that any of that would have helped. So I called in Londo and told him, "I think we are done nursing."

Yes, there was a catch in my voice. Londo knew immediately exactly what was happening and how I felt about it. (He's good like that.) And in addition to the sympathy, Londo pointed out that it was baby-led weaning in action. The baby was ready to stop, and it was better to let it happen naturally now then to have to make it an issue and possible fight in a month.

So that's it. We are done nursing. I am sad, but I am also proud. We nursed for 14 months! It was very tough at times, easy at others, but it was always extremely special. I may not have felt quite ready, but I'm not sure I would ever feel quite ready.

And I have to say this and put this out there: I'm especially sad because if we don't have another baby, then I'm completely done with that aspect of parenthood and my life. That's hard.

So this week's question of the week is:

What did your kid(s) do before you were ready?

For the Pumpkin, it was definitely her physical capabilities. Every time we thought something was baby-proofed, up high enough, not interesting, locked securely, in a child-proofed container, she was able to get into it, reach it, climb it, etc. She was just always so ahead of what we were ready for, especially with her gross motor skills and her height! Not to mention her instinctive ability to figure stuff out. Can't reach the item she shouldn't have that was placed on a high counter? Then she'd just figure out how to pull up a chair to get it.

For 2 years now, we've had to put things on top of the fridge to really keep it away from her! And the only reason she can't open our baby gates is because we splurged for ones that required more hand strength than a child (even our child) has!

What about your kid(s)? What have they been able to do that you weren't expecting? What did they stop doing before you wanted them to? What are they doing whether or not you are ready for it?

Participate in a Breastfeeding Study

Calling all current and past breastfeeding moms! An online friend of mine, Stacy, is working on a study of the cultural differences in breastfeeding. Would you be willing to share some anecdotal stories? Go here for more information. If you are willing to participate, you can contact Stacy at stacyibclc@gmail.com.

That's all I've got for today. The Pumpkin and I are both home sick. Her fever is gone, but mine is still hanging around. How silly I am for thinking sicknesses would be confined to the wintertime. Why did no one warn me about "summer viruses"?

Pumped to Have Pumped (and to Have Stopped)

The Pookie will be one next Monday. (Can you believe that?) And it’s a good thing we are so close to his birthday, typically when babies get the go-ahead for cow’s milk, because I have not been pumping enough milk for him during the day for the last month. This time, pumping has not been as rough for me as it was last time, but I simply have not been pumping enough milk! Thankfully I had built up a pretty good freezer supply, because over the last month the Pookie has had at least one bottle of milk from the freezer a day.

The week before we went of vacation, I counted out how many bags were left and how many days until his one year appointment with the pediatrician, when I was hoping to the doc would say we could start him on cow’s milk. It was going to be close. But if I upped my pumping to 3 times a day, for 30-45 minutes each time and if I pumped over the vacation a few times, we could probably make it.

Of course, that didn't happen. Twice, I was able to pump 3 times, but even that didn't produce enough for the two 4.5 ounce bottles the Pookie takes a day. And on vacation? What can I say... I just didn't do it.

So this last Monday, my first day back to work after our vacation, I pumped twice for 30-40 minutes and got... 2 ounces of milk. Not even enough for ONE of his bottles. I was disappointed and frustrated and stressed. We were down to 4 bags of frozen milk. That would definitely NOT get me to his doctor's appointment next Tuesday.

I thought about what my sister had said, that there wasn't some magical thing that happens on their first birthday that makes them suddenly able to handle cow's milk. What if I started him on cow's milk a week early?

Tuesday morning, with my pumped cleaned and packed, I called the nurse at the pediatricians' office on my commute into work and asked her if it was okay to start the Pookie on cow's milk. We went through some factors, and she said it should be fine, give it a try. I called my hubby and the nanny, and gave them the news. His second bottle of the day was cow's milk, and he did fine.

I didn't pump all day! That was my very first day at work without pumping! I was done pumping for the second time, and it was wonderful. I will still continue to nurse him in the mornings and evenings, as I did with the Pumpkin, but it is so nice to not have to pump during the day.

Yesterday, I wore a dress to work! That was the first time in over a year that I was able to wear a dress to work (since my cute maternity dresses, which I actually miss a lot). In fact, that might have been the first time I wore a dress at all since the Pookie was born. I love dresses, and it was fabulous to be able to wear one again. Also? I have been wearing real! bras!

I'm so glad that I pumped for the Pookie. I am proud that we got through the whole year without needing to supplement, because that is a hard thing to do. In the last 9 months, I have been working on a client site, without access to the Mother's Room my company provides at it's main offices (which I was able to use for the Pumpkin). My desk is a cubicle surrounded by my mostly male coworkers.

I have been to numerous rooms, getting shifted around from whichever room happened to be available at the time. I've had to push and prod to ensure I (and the other nursing mom and soon-to-be-nursing mom) would have a private room with a lockable door where I (and we) could pump. I have pumped in rooms used for storage, surrounded by boxes and extra supplies. I have pumped with my shirt lifted up in freezing cold rooms, empty of everything but a desk and chair. I have pumped in rooms with windows whose blinds wouldn't shut all the way. I've had to figure out when a person with an office would be in meetings so I could use their office to pump. I've had to juggle my schedules and meetings around my pumping time. I've had to figure out what work I can bring with me to rooms that didn't have internet access. I've done a lot to ensure that I (and the other nursing women on this project) was able to pump my milk for my baby.

And I'm a lucky one. Everyone I work with, men and women, people with and without children, everyone supported me in this endeavor. Everyone worked to make sure I would have a place to go when I needed it, and that the place would NEVER be a bathroom or my car or my open cubicle. Even with this support and ability to find a place, it wasn't easy. It was a chore. It was sometimes painful. It would often disruptive of my work schedule.

But it was so worth it to me and my baby. I encourage all mothers to try to make it work as best they can. And I insist that all companies and employers make sure that nursing moms have the opportunity to make it work, and ideally make it even easy for them to pump. Not only does it feel great to have accomplished this feat, but the more women who figure out how to pump at work help it become more and more acceptable, which means that mothers returning to work can still provide what is the natural food and nourishment for their babies. And who wouldn't want that?

My Cuddlicious Plushie

The Pookie's diaper leaked in the middle of the night a few days ago. I think it was about 1:30, and he was wailing. I got him out of the crib, took his sleeper off and changed his diaper, with him screaming the whole time. He was REALLY upset. Probably because I turned the light on when I realized there was a big wet spot in his crib.

Although I had originally planned to change him and change his sheets before nursing him, he was so upset that I ditched that plan once I had him in a new diaper. I knew he was hungry and needed to calm down, for his sake and the sake of his sister sleeping in the room next door. So I cradled him in my arms, sat in the glider and started to nurse him, while he was just in his diaper.

OMG, that boy is SO cuddly! His skin is so soft it's like butter. He has just fattened up a bit, in preparation for the coming growth spurt and for crawling, which his is so close to doing. So many of his features have that adorable round-baby quality. He is, in a word, plush.

I relish this age and stage of babyhood: when he is physically soft and tender, when he is babbling with intent, when he wants to snuggle into me when I hold him. I've said before that I don't particularly enjoy being pregnant or the infant stage. But this stage? I LOVE.

I did finish getting him into a new sleeper, changing the sheets, turning off the light, nursing him on the other side and then "burping him" which was really a bit of cuddle with his head nuzzling into my neck. When I put him back in his crib, he stretched his neck, adjusted his back and fell back asleep.

While I do miss cosleeping with him lying on my arm, we both are sleeping better with him in his crib and me in my bed. And I still get 2-4 times a night to nurse and cuddle with him in the glider. Sometimes, I even get to snuggle his smooth, soft, plush naked skin.

Dairy-less

Today is the first day of me giving up dairy. Again.

That's right, again. Way back when I was in college, I started having regular stomach aches and was burping a lot. More than normal. The doctor I saw was no help, but the nurse! Ah the nurse suggested a few things to try, first and foremost giving up dairy to see if it was lactose intolerance. At this time, I'd never heard of lactose intolerance, nor had any of my friends and family. And it turns out that I didn't have the common symptoms that most people associate with it nowadays. But the nurse was smart enough to suggest that my problems might be that and what I needed to do.

So I cut out dairy from my diet for two weeks. It was not easy, not just because I love ice cream, milk in my coffee and chocolate bars. The byproducts of milk, such as curds and whey, are used in so many things, from processed meats to packaged breads. Lactose is even used as a filler in many supplements (note to self: check the non-active ingredients of the fish oil, vitamin D and iron supplements I take). Amazingly, my stomach issues cleared up. Over the course of the next couple years, I discovered Lactaid milk and ice cream, Lactaid pills, soy milk in my coffee, dairy-free cookbooks and the level of dairy I could consume without having any issues.

So why am I still not off the dairy? Well, when I was pregnant with the Pumpkin, I discovered that I could tolerate pretty much all levels of dairy once again. I quickly jumped back into the world of dairy and loved every second of it.

So why am I giving it up again? It's not for me. It's for the baby boy. And for me. The Pookie seems to be pretty gassy and always has been. He's still waking up a lot (A LOT) at night and seems uncomfortable. Soon after waking, he has a few farts and then seems to feel better. This may very well be totally normal for a baby with a developing digestive system, especially now that he has started solids. Unfortunately, he seems to prefer to be nursing so he can relax and let the gas out. As usual, I. Am. Tired!

I started wondering if the gas could be related to dairy, either how his system handles it or how mine does, since burping and gas was one of my lactose intolerance symptoms. I've noticed that the level of lactose I can handle has gone back down so I need to eat less dairy products that I have been. Maybe it's affecting him?

Maybe it's not. Maybe it has nothing to do with dairy or diet or anything like that. But I can go without dairy for two weeks (again) and see if there is a difference. Doesn't hurt to try.

Well, it hurts a little. Because that veggie omelet I had this morning would have been better with cheese, and the toast would have been better with butter. At least I still like soy milk for my coffee.

(Next diet change to start after the new year will be the Pumpkin's diet, in case dairy or fructose malabsorption are an issue for her. She is currently doing that picky toddler eating/non-eating where she is mostly living on yogurt and air, so I figure I can mess with her diet since it's currently so limited anyway. I've always wondered if she's had an issue with her diet and have been wanting to try and see if we need to change her diet. I suspect our diets affect our bodies a lot more than most people give credence to. So we are going to try!)

Growing Boy

The Pookie is growing. He turned 6 months yesterday, and that's a big milestone in the life of babies. A big milestone for growing. There is a 6-month growth spurt. There is a developmental (growth) spurt around the 6-month mark. And there are teeth growing in--well about to come in anyway.

Growing, growing, growing. And growing physically requires more to eat. And growing developmentally requires comfort. And growing in teeth requires pain-easement. And in a breastfeeding relationship, all these things generally boil down to nursing for nurishment, comfort and to ease any pains.

And do you know what my baby boy loves above all else in the world even when everything is hunky dory? To NURSE! Yes, he does.

So can you guess what we are doing all. the. freaking. time? You got it. Nursing.

But remember how Mommy goes to work all day long? Yeah, it's causing some problems. The two major ones being:
1. I'm not pumping enough to cover what he is eating during the day. This means my precious freezer stash is running precariously low. It also means that I am going to have to start pumping more at work and/or at home. Ugh.
2. The baby boy basically wants to nurse all night long. Nothing else will do.

I remember when the Pumpkin went through these stages where she'd nurse all night long. It was frustrating and tiring and hard on me, and it is right now as well. But I know that it's just a phase, and I can already see he's grown physically and developmentally. The teeth haven't come in yet, but they will. This phase will end.

Until then, we are working on other methods of nurishment and comfort for him. We've started him on solids, using the baby-led weaning/feeding method we did with the Pumpkin. So far, we've given him avacodos and bananas. He has no idea what to do with the food, but he'll figure it out. He seems to enjoy tasting the foods, even though he doesn't swallow anything.

I'm also starting to try and help him discover his hand/fingers to suck on at night, instead of my nipples. He used to take the pacifier at least a little, but is now rejecting it completely. So instead, I'm hoping he learns to self-soothe with an arm and hand unswaddled. We'll see.

On the bright side of all the growing, he is now rolling over back-to-front and front-to-back with abandon. Although not yet crawling, he is shifting, rolling and squirming all around. He's getting really close to staying sitting up on his own. He's really capable with his hands and manipulating all sorts of things with hands and fingers.

Also, his careless babbling has now become very deliberate attempts at making noises and trying to talk ("di DI da da DA"). And he is usually laughing and smiling and generally pretty easy and happy. As long as he's well-rested and well-fed. He loves watching his sister and his dog, and he's starting to be fun to interact with for them too!

Apparently It DOES Need All the Parts

Last night, I went to bed without doing any dishes. That means that I didn't even wash the parts for my pump, which I used every day (twice a day) at work. Which means that I would have to wash them in the morning, while I'm hurrying around getting myself, the Pumpkin and the Pookie ready for our day. This is not an unusual scenario, and I bring it up only to point out that I was in a hurry this morning. Also, I'm not especially great about cleaning my pump parts.

So this morning, I quickly washed up all the little and big parts that need to be washed for the pump. I noticed that there was some gunk in the crevise of one of those parts (the connector piece, for those who care, which connects the bottle, tubing, shield and valve). So I took the nipple cleaner piece from the bottle sponge (you know what I'm talking about, right?) and tried to dig the gunk out. It was in pretty good--it had probably been there a while. I finally was getting it out when... Snap!

I broke a piece of plastic off the connector. I examined the entire connector. Was that piece really needed? It didn't wall off anything completely. It was just kind of hanging down. Surely the pump would be okay without it.

No, it wasn't. It turns out that these things are designed to work a certain way and needs every piece to be where design. Who knew? (Don't answer that!)

When my first pumping session this morning went abysmally with really no suction on one side, I quickly came up with a plan. I happen to work a few blocks away from a baby store. I could buy the parts, but I was pretty sure you are supposed to sterilize them before first use. Aha! They will surely have those sterilization bags, too!

After lunch, I drove up there, bought the connector pieces (they come in a pack of two), another set of valves with membranes (because those pieces are as old as the one that broke, and I might as well get some new ones) and a package of the microwaveable sterilization bags. I got back to work, got the pieces and some water from the bathroom in the bag, used the microwave in the kitchen and got myself all set up.

Now, I'm happy to report that I've got a good amount milk to make up for the lack there of from my morning session. I will also pump again later this afternoon, which will be my real afternoon session. Let's hope this crazy morning of delayed/poor pumping doesn't affect my supply (and that my nipples hold up, though my pumping experience has been MUCH better this time). Because the baby boy LOVES to eat!

Oh, Poopy!

Sometimes, it feels like all I do is nurse the infant and change diapers. The nursing is something that I worked hard to be able to do to with both the Pumpkin* and now with the Pookie. Even through the early days and weeks of sore nipples and constant wakings, through the fussy 5 week nothing-but-nursing-and-being-with-mommy-will-do phase, and now through the 6 week growth spurt and crying on and off the boob for no reason, breastfeeding the infant is so worth it and rewarding to me.

But all the dirty diapers? That's just something you have to deal with as a parent and/or child caretaker. Both of my kids are in diapers (the Pumpkin in Pull Ups), and they generate a good amount of waste. Unfortunately, the waste doesn't always make it into the diaper. For instance, there was a couple times when the Pumpkin pooped in the tub.

And now we can add another time... last night. That was fun. Luckily, the Pookie had fallen asleep, and I was able to put him in the swing while I helped Londo clean up the tub and the Pumpkin.

Early the next morning, just after Londo left for work, the Pookie had a big poop. I heard the big poopy noise as he lay beside me, nursing himself back to sleep (he'd been grunting and squirming in the way I know means he was about to fart or poop). Well, I knew that noise, and I knew I had to jump out of bed and change him quick before his diaper leaked and poop got all over my bed. So, I quickly got him to the changing table and waiting to see if he had more. Once I opened his diaper, he pooped more. I started wiping him, and he pooped again. All over my hand. Really gross. I was able to get a wipe to clean up my hand without getting the poop everywhere. And then he pooped again, with an explosive shot that would have gone across the room if I hadn't already had my hand right there and was able to use the diaper to stop it.

Ah, good times. But, you know, he's an infant. What can you do. The bright side is that that was the only time he'd pooped all night. Which means that he's going less often and in bigger amounts at once. He's consolidating his poop, like he's starting to consolidate his sleeping in to naps (just starting to lately, but not there yet).

As for the Pumpkin, she is in Pull Ups and does use the potty. In fact, we've been putting her on the potty since she was 10 months old. We've not really done potty "training" with her, but we thought it was a good idea to put her on the potty occasionally to get her used to the idea of using the potty. We found that something about sitting on the potty seemed to make it easier for her to poop, and she poops pretty regularly on the potty. She pees too. But with a no pressure attitude from us, and she still goes in her Pull Ups.

You see, I read an article about elimination communication when she was around 10 months. And while I was not ready to really put in the effort to get her diaper-less so young, I really took away from the article the idea to get her used to using the potty. We (as a society) put our kids in diapers for the first 2-3 years of their lives, basically training them to use the diaper when they have to pee or poop. Then, we suddenly say that we want them to do the opposite. Sit on this brand new thing and go in there, not in your diapers. Do a 180, and try not to make any mistakes.

Instead, Londo and I decided to sit the Pumpkin on the potty at least before baths every night starting at 10 months old. Any time we saw the cues for her needing to poop, we would get her to the potty so she could go (or finish going) in the potty. When we stopped doing baths every night (we do every 2-3 nights, or more often as needed), we made the bedtime routine: sit on potty, wash hands, brush teeth. Around when the Pumpkin turned 2, we made her "morning routine" the same thing. We've now started offering the potty more often. After hanging out with her potty-training cousins last weekend she even told Londo she needed the potty and she peed and pooped on it!

We are going to go full force into potty training this month, I hope. She starts pre-school on August 31st, and they said they will work on potty training if we are doing it at home (but won't do it for us on their own, like I know some places will). I had considered starting potty training sooner, but we were concerned about all the recent changes in her life--especially the baby brother! Also, Londo and the nanny didn't seem ready. But I really want her to go into school with "working on potty training" in her papers. So the nanny is offering the potty more (I hope), and we are as well. Still no pressure from us, but I hope that the kids going at school will help her want to do it to.

Won't it be nice to have only one kid's diaper to change, even if he poops on me while I'm doing it?

*Check out this website! Write up your story and submit it! Let's support each other in our endeavors to breastfeed.

On His Due Date

Today was the day my little Pookie was due. I completely expected him to be late or a least closer to his due date, especially since the Pumpkin was ten days late. But not this guy! He is full of surprises already. He was born 5 days early--almost 6 days early. (And thanks so much everyone for your well wishes!!!)

In honor of his due date, I thought I'd write down a few things about having a newborn, in particular this newborn.

I tried to start this post since this morning and have been trying to finish it the rest of the day, but having a newborn means that time frames go completely out the window and what a person wants to accomplish may simply not get done. Hopefully I will get this post out tonight.

We got home from the hospital on Wednesday. The time in the hospital was a blur, and now the time at home has been a blur! What is it about babies that makes time such a blur? Well, until they make even a couple minutes in the middle of the night seem like an eternity. I had a pretty good stay at the hospital this time, especially because of the Mother and Baby Suites they now have, complete with a chair that pulls out into (a very narrow) bed for Londo. When I had the Pumpkin, it was a shared room and husbands were not allowed to stay. That stay was very frustrating for many reasons, almost all of which were not a problem this time!

About the baby... If this baby's eyes are open, he expects there to be a nipple in his mouth. No kidding. I don't remember if this was true about the Pumpkin as a newborn, but it probably was. At this stage, it's not like they know much more than sleep, eat and poop. In fact, Londo just changed his diaper and I've got the babe attached to my nipple right now as he is falling asleep.

I mentioned in the previous post that he is squeaky. It's very cute. And in addition to his squeaking, he has the cutest cry. It's a staccato "Ahhh ahhhh ahhhh." When he is really upset, his tongue meets the roof of his mouth, changing the "ahh ahhh ahh"s to "laaahhh laahhh laahhh." I cannot describe how absolutely adorable it is! Now when he starts to get worked up, we say to him, "la la la."

And the best news so far? On more than one occasion, we have put him down when he's asleep and HE STAYED LYING DOWN AND ASLEEP!!! For 45 minutes to an hour! And now? He's asleep and I'm going to try putting him down into the cosleeper next to my side of the bed!

Question of the Week - Date Night

First, (belated) Happy Mother's Day!! I hope all you mamas had a wonderful day and you daddies aren't too exhausted from shopping for presents and cards, making breakfasts, watching the kiddos and doing housework! I had a wonderful day, and I thank Londo for being so good to me.

Second, there is a fantastic new website/blog, which just went live yesterday, called The Breastfeeding Experience. The purpose is to help support mothers and mothers-to-be by sharing other mother's experiences with breastfeeding. The triumphs, the struggles, the disappointments, the experiences. I shared my story, which was posted last night. (There's even a picture I submitted with it!) Please check out the site and all the fantastic stories that women have shared so far. Please consider sharing your own.

Now on to today's post...

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Here I am, 34.5 weeks (8 months) pregnant. I am feeling huge, achy, uncomfortable, tired, emotional and all that other fun stuff that comes with being this pregnant. I'm nervous and excited about having a second child join the chaos that is our house. But I'm really worried about having time with my husband to simply enjoy each other and stay connected with each other. (I'm also worried about getting any "me time" at all, but that's a different post.)

Thankfully, my dad and mom were so wonderful to babysit Saturday night so that Londo and I could go out to dinner and a movie. We have no idea when we will have another chance to go out to a movie, as we are definitely not going when I'm much closer to my due date. And after that, we will not want to (or at least be able to) go out for a few months.

But my parents gave us the opportunity this Saturday. And what started out as a rush because everything takes me so freaking long these days, turned into a relaxing evening out when Londo convinced me to go to the later movie so we wouldn't rush dinner. And my parents insisted we take our time and enjoy ourselves.

We had a delicious dinner at a Thai restaurant, followed by enjoying the sunny evening at the courtyard of the stores where kids and dogs were playing and we ran into neighbor/friends. Finally, we headed to the theater around the corner and saw the new Star Trek movie (absolutely awesome!!!).

When we got home after 11:00 (so late for me!), my dad was hanging out with our dog and the monitor. The Pumpkin had gone to sleep really easily for my mom just after 8:00 (whew!) and hadn't stirred since then. The perfect end to the night would normally be some romantic time between hubby and me, however, it was way past this pregnant woman's bedtime. I totally fell asleep within minutes after getting ready for bed, and Londo got to watch TV and I think he texted with his brother about how great the movie was.

So it was almost my ideal date night. Delicious dinner, relaxing time chatting while enjoying a summer evening, great movie, and coming home to no problems reported about the toddler. Oh, and we got to sleep through the night without the toddler waking up--BONUS!!! Back in my youth, I might have wanted to go dancing or play pool at the bar or go to a party. But right here, right now, when I'm this pregnant and we have so much else going on, I can't think of a better date night!

Which is this week's question of the week:

What is currently your ideal date night?

Do you just want to stay in and cuddle on the couch? Do you want to geek out at opening night of Star Trek? Do you still want to go dancing all night? What would be perfect for you and your partner right now?

Maybe Her Sibling Wants the Fork

I'm not going to talk about the toddler tantrums that are rampant in our house (especially this morning). Or the fact that I am about to actively start seeking out the gypsies (maybe they'd also take the cat). Instead, I'm going to focus on yesterday early evening when she (and I and Londo) was in a good mood.

The Pumpkin was happily climbing on the couch and then playing with her kitchen toys. I had been wanting to officially tell her about the pregnancy and her becoming a big sister, so Londo and I determined that then was as good a time as any.

We tried to get the Pumpkin's attention, but when she actually turned to us from her kitchen, it was to pass daddy a plate. Finally, Londo just said it.

Londo: Pumpkin, you are going to be a big sister!
Pumpkin doesn't even turn around and keeps playing with her kitchen.
caramama: Pumpkin, look! Mommy has a baby in her belly!
Pumpkin turns around and holds out a fork: Mommy fork!

That was of course just the response we were hoping for! ;-) We knew it was likely she wouldn't get it. She's almost 22 months and none of her friends or cousins have younger siblings (yet). We pretty much assumed it would sound like the Peanuts adults to her (waa waa waa waa), but we finished telling her about how she was going to be a big sister and that the baby in mommy's belly was growing. And I feel much better that we actually told her rather than talk about it around her and with other people in front of her.

Now, we will continue to talk about it around her and to her. In addition, we will buy some books and watch some shows about new babies and being a big sister. We've got five months (holy moley!!! Five months???) to get her ready for the new baby. I think it will also help when my stomach grows more and she can feel it move from the outside.

The one thing we have done at this point is to get her a few baby dolls with different accessories (other great gifts from Christmas) and start to mimic the care of a baby on her dolls. She was already really into putting diapers on her stuffed animals and pretending to feed them by putting them in her highchair. I'm hoping to continue this with her dolls and start to translate the thought to a real baby.

And in odd timing the past few months, the Pumpkin has been pointing to my nipples and saying "Mommy's nurse" which is her way of saying that those are my nipples (she started calling them nurse on her own). A couple days ago, she pointed to her belly button and said, "Pumpkin's nurse!" I corrected her by showing her where her nipples were and told her that they were also called nipples. The point of this paragraph is to say that I'm glad she remembers them and the term nurse, because I do plan to breastfeed the coming baby and I hope this helps her understand what I'm doing.

Finally, Londo and I are trying to stop referring to the Pumpkin as the baby. She will always be our baby, but we don't want to confuse her or cause undue jealousy of being replaced as the baby. So we are going to phase out calling her baby now before the next child comes.

caramama Updates

It has occurred to me that I write about a lot of different things, especially issues we are having, and then I never write any updates or resolutions. So today, I'm going to give some updates.

Let's see...

Weaning the Pumpkin
Although I didn't feel ready to wean the Pumpkin, it actually went surprisingly smoothly. I think this was for two main reasons: the timing and her already taking bottles during the day. Although she really enjoyed nursing, she seemed to be in a stage where she didn't HAVE to have it. She was already taking bottles for her nap and once a week for bedtime (Londo was putting her to bed one night a week to give me a break). So we just switched her morning nursing and the rest of the betimes to bottle. She hasn't really seemed to miss it at all. I have, but she seems to have moved on. And we still get the close, snuggle time when I give her bottles and rock her to sleep.

Big Girl Bed
It's been almost two weeks since we moved the Pumpkin to the twin bed in her room. This has also gone surprisingly smooth. That's not to say that it was some perfect fix for her inability to consistently sleep through the night or her need for us to rock her to sleep. Not at all. But she is sleeping (or not) just as well in the twin bed as she was in her crib. The one thing that is WAY better is that putting her down is so much easier. She used to sometimes wake up when I leaned over to put her down in the crib. Now, it's much smoother of a transition.

When she wakes up in the nights or in the mornings, instead of standing in her crib crying, she now gets out of bed and stands at the door, jiggling the handle, crying/calling, "Mommy, open door! Daddy, open door!" When one of us goes and opens the door, she runs into her room straight for the rocking chair, saying, "Rocking chair!" Then, we rock her back to sleep and slip into bed with her. If we wake up during the night or in the morning and she is fast asleep, we slip out of bed and back into our own bed. I'm much happier with this set up, and I think she is too.

Climbing vs. Childproofing
When I wrote about what a monkey my little girl is, sheSaid said, "I had been wanting to ask you how you balance satisfying her climbing need and childproofing. We don't seem to have enough he can actually climb safely (he's still short so he can only reach certain things)."

The short answer is, I don't know that we do. Balance is such hard work. Also, our girl is very tall on top of able to climb, so she can (and does) get into EVERYTHING! We quickly realized that we had to put locks on all the doors in the kitchen. We are not a family that can get away with not locking them. All of them. In addition, we had to take just about everything off of shelves that were below the counter height. In the last month, I actually had to move everything that was on the counter by the kitchen table and chair to ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE! I'm not kidding. Our bread box and napkins are now up there, which I can barely reach (I'm only 5'2").

She tries to climb on tables now, too. We just keep telling her no, to sit down in the chair or not get on the coffee table. We let her climb in any chair she wants and the couch, but she's not supposed to stand in them. Ha! There's pretty much no stopping her and she isn't good at listening to "No." With her, it's all about putting things up even higher, distracting her, and deciding what to just let go because it's not that big a deal if she plays with it.

We did get one of those toddler cube/slide things for the backyard (yeah for freecycle!) and the babysitter takes her to a playground pretty much every day. But she still tries to climb everything, including us.

Baths
Baths have gotten better mostly since I was losing it. I did a lot of what you all suggested in a throw-everything-including-the-kitchen-sink-at-the-problem-and-hope-something-sticks method. The things I think that have helped the most are getting a bunch of new toys, her being older and therefore better about holding her head back so I can pour water without getting it in her eyes, being sure to take turns with Londo so I don't get overwhelmed, and letting a lot of it go. Hearing that many people just let them drink the bath water helped. I don't really want to offer her a sippy cup or other water, because we try to limit water after dinner. She gets a big bottle before bed, and her diapers are always very full. After a few leaks, we instituted the no water after dinner. But if she drinks some bath water, it won't kill her.

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I'm sure there is a ton more I can update, but those are the big things that come to mind now. Am I missing anything that anyone has been wondering about? (Besides the TTC stuff. I'm not ready to talk more about that yet.)

We are Weaning

The Pumpkin and I are weaning.

I don't want to go into why right now, but it is for a good reason or I wouldn't be doing it. In fact, I'm not really ready to wean, and I'm not sure the Pumpkin is either. We are down to nursing at bedtime and in the mornings, and sometimes she barely even nurses (especially in the morning). But then other times, she really seems to need that time and closeness with me.

There are times when she has asked to nurse that I've said "Not right now," but those were times when she didn't really need it. It was just like something she thought of because I had my shirt and bra off and it came to mind or she was up in the middle of the night and couldn't go back to sleep. Those times it was more like, "Hey, what if we nurse?" not "Hey! I want to nurse!" When I said not right now, she practically shrugged and went about her business.

But those weren't the normal nursing times. It was not disrupting our routine. It was not something she was looking forward to at that specific time. (Okay, I'm totally tearing up right now.) Unlike this morning.

This morning, I coslept with her for an hour before we got up. She woke first and played on the bed, and then she got down and played around on the ottoman. Then she turned to her glider where we nurse every morning (and at bedtime). She looked back and me and inquired, "Nurny?" (This is her latest version in how she says nurse or nursing.) I said to her, "Not right now, honey."

She got an upset look on her face. She walked over to me and tried to take my hand. "Nurny!" She said more forcefully. "Not right now," I answered. Then she walked back to the glider and pounded it with her hands and exclaimed very frustrated and upset, "Nurny!!"

I went to distraction at this point and asked where her toys and books were. Luckily it worked. Once we both got up, I took her downstairs and fixed her a sippy cup of milk. But it's not the same. It's not the same milk, and more importantly it's not the same bonding, special, cuddly, comforting time for Mama and Pumpkin.

This is one of the hardest things I've ever done, and we've just started. I'm exceptionally frustrated that I am even doing it now. I put it off as long as I could, though. Now, unfortunately, it's time.

Question of the Week - Favorite Day?

Today is my favorite day of the year. That's right, I love Bastille Day. You may be wondering why I love the day the French rose up and stormed the Bastille...

Because today is also my birthday!!!

Normally, I would go "wooo hooo" and talk about how much I love my birthday, a special day just for me (and anyone else born today and France). But I'm a bit hormonal because the Pumpkin is nursing at odd times that my body isn't quite ready for, and we had a really rough night of sleep, which lead to us sleeping late and me running behind on everything. I skipped breakfast, and even though I had a decent time at the spa this morning, there were some frustrations. Add to that a fussy toddler and I'm just tired and cranky.

How can I not feel wonderful on my favorite day of the year? After my morning at the spa, paid for (mostly) by a gift certificate that was given to me a year ago, how can I not feel relaxed and pampered? I almost feel the most guilty because I am not enjoying myself. Urg!

But anyway, here's the question of the week:

What's your favorite day of the year?

My birthday truly is my favorite day of the year, but since I've already talked about that, let me answer with my second favorite day of the year: Halloween!

I love Halloween. It's the only day you can dress up as anything you want and no one thinks it's weird, you can eat candy all day long with people giving you more when you ask, and the lore and mythology around the day are fascinating! It's a fun and spooky day and night, in which the whole family can take part--if your family celebrates, that is. We love to celebrate it, and in fact have a Halloween party every year. I can't wait until the Pumpkin and other kids are old enough to have their own party with all their kiddie friends dressed up--hopefully while our adult friends are having our own party.

How about you? Which day is special to you?

Sleeping Woes Make Me Cranky

Happy Earth Day!

Can I just say that I love the men who comment on my blog? Did you see what they wrote on the QotW about confidence? I can confidently speak for all women everywhere that we love you guys. Can you teach classes or write a How To book or something? Better yet, let's all agree to advertise their blogs and send links to all the men we know! Check out My Goofy Daddy and I'm Not Skippy and be jealous of their wives! I would be jealous, but Londo is right up there with them... I mean even above them!! I'll link to Londo's blog, but he doesn't ever update it.

Here's something else I'm confident about: If the Pumpkin doesn't start sleeping through until morning again pretty soon, I will LOSE MY MIND!!!

Remember when I wrote about how the Pumpkin sleep trained herself and I said I knew it wouldn't last? Of course it didn't. Between the teething of molars, the sickness, a developmental spurt and the fact that the stars are in retrograde, we have been in another sleep regression.

Let me tell you a little story about what happened in the early hours of this morning, and you all tell me if this sounds familiar...

The Pumpkin woke up crying a little after 4:00 AM. I got up, went in her nursery, picked her up and walked around with her. That wasn't doing it for her, so I sat down and rocked a little, but HECK NO, that wasn't what she wanted. So I just nursed her. That settled her down... way down... but not quite to sleep. So we switched sides and kept nursing. And then I tried just rocking (because damn I was sore), and then more nursing. You get the picture.

Finally, after over an hour, she had fallen asleep. She was well and good asleep. I debate whether or not to keep rocking her and maybe doze off a bit in the glider/recliner. But I was uncomfortable and it was after 5:00 and I wanted to get back in my bed for just one more hour of sleep.

So I very carefully got up. I tip-toed over to the crib. I ever so gently lowered her (against my body) down onto the mattress. And then...

You know what happened, don't you? Oh yes, I'm sure you do.

That little girl's head popped right up and she started wailing and reaching for me. I was so frustrated, I just wanted to scream! But she was already screaming, so good would it do for me to add to that. It would only wake Londo, who had taken the brunt of the night-wakings the past 3 or 4 nights (maybe longer).

I picked her back up and we got into the twin bed in her nursery. She proceeded to fuss and fidget (goodness, the fidgeting!!!!) and even scream right in my ear for another 10 minutes, trying to get comfortable, until she finally found a good spot and passed out.

So I'm totally cranky today, even after my coffee. She was in a fine mood once we got up. She was in fact very adorable and pretty funny, but also into to everything which I'm not great at dealing with when I'm so tired and cranky. But we made it out the door, and I'll just go to bed by 9:00 again tonight.

The bright side (I'm always trying to find that darned bright side) is that we know what it is like when she's sleeping through the night. And we know she'll do it again once she's through whatever it is she's going through. We've seen the light, and we'll get back there soon. Hopefully, it will be soon enough for me to keep any shred of my sanity!

Question of the Week - Confidence

In general, I'm a pretty self-confident person. Whether it's due to nature or nurture or most likely a combination of both, I generally am not filled with self-doubt or second guess myself. I'm also not filled with modesty, apparently, but I didn't say I was perfect. In fact, I do have many flaws, but I know them well and have learned to just live with them and/or learned to compensate for them in other ways. In general.

This is not to say that I don't go through periods of self-doubt or lack confidence in certain areas. This became very apparent to me during the last year. IMO, there is nothing more humbling than being a first-time parent. As I've said before, there were so many things that I thought which turned out to be way off base simply because I didn't know what being a parent was really like. Especially the parent of a very fussy little girl. Those first few months of trial by fire plus the really difficult times while suffering from PPD, they really rocked my self-confidence in so many ways.

But slowly and surely, I've rebuilt my self-confidence in many areas, including parenting. I didn't do it alone. My therapist and I had many long conversations about parenting, and her praise of my parenting instincts helped build my confidence. Being the obsessive researcher I am, I have researched every area of parenting that seems to affect me. I've read books, perused websites, devoured message boards, obsessed over mommyblogs and daddyblogs, and snatched up many parenting magazines. I've had good conversations with our pediatrician. I've watched my sister and her family, my brother and his family, and many friends and relatives go through these early years of parenting. Most importantly, I listened to myself, my husband and to my baby.

So now I'm feeling pretty confident that the choices Londo and I have made are the right ones for us and for the Pumpkin. Even when those choices are not necessarily the "norms" of society. I've heard of other people getting anything from funny looks to big lectures on some of the choices they've made which are the same that I've made. I've been thinking that I must be very fortunate in that most people haven't given me a hard time about my choices, even when they don't choose the same or may not even agree completely.

But is it just luck? Or is it my confidence in the choices I made and the ability to back up my choices with research or observations about my child? I'm sure it's a combination of both, since I know other confident parents who get harassed by well-meaning (or maybe not well-meaning) people telling them that the decisions they made are wrong. But still, I believe that confidence not only helps to keep other people from questioning you (at least to your face), it also helps you not second guess your decisions based on what some mis-informed and highly opinionated stranger might say to you.

That got me thinking and wondering, which in turn makes me want to ask this Question of the Week:

What parenting decision have you made that you are confident about?

The first one that comes to my mind is "extended" breastfeeding*. I'm continuing to breastfeed past one year. Granted, I did move to whole milk for the Pumpkin during the day, but that was really so I could stop pumping. I still nurse her at night, in the mornings and when I'm home during the weekend and she seems to need/want it. Of course, I researched the natural age for weaning, read the AAP recommendation that "Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child" and discovered that the WHO recommends breastfeeding continue for "up to two years of age or beyond." In addition to having done the research, I'm completely confident that this is the right decision for the Pumpkin and for me and Londo. I know she will continue to get benefits from the breastmilk, and the bonding of nursing is a great benefit to both of us.

I tend to just talk about my continuing to breastfeed as if it's the most normal thing in the world, which I believe it is in most of the rest of the world. If anyone has given me a funny look, I haven't noticed because I simply can't imagine who would. If anyone does look at me funny or indicate that I shouldn't still be nursing, I'm more than happy to educate that person on the medical research and the fact that this decision is right for my family.

Have you made any decision(s) that others could question, or that even you questioned, but now you are confident in the decision(s)? I'd love to hear about it!

*For the record, I hate this term. Just because people breastfeed beyond a year should not label it "extended" when in fact it is both normal and healthy for children to continue breastfeeding beyond a year, our social and cultural norms aside.

Another Rough Night

Disclaimer: Please excuse any typos, misspellings or grammar mistakes. I'm so out of it, and you will read why below. I tried to proof this post, but there were many mistakes so I might have missed some. You'll forgive me, right?

We had a very rough night last night. You all get to hear all about it, because it's all I can think of and I hope writing about it will exorcise the demon from my mind.

First let me say that I'm incredibly glad that we spent the money on a comfortable glider/recliner for the nursery, because that is where I spent most of my night. Londo, the Pumpkin and I are all exhausted. Londo and I talked this morning about how we forget just. how. bad. it. is. when she is waking up this often at night and won't be put down. We know that it was bad, and we remember that going through it was a nightmare. But once we start getting more sleep, we block out just how bad it is until we are going through it again. And then it hits us like a ton of screaming, squirming bricks.

After waking up screaming like a red alert alarm, Londo went in to her. (I was not really awake and totally thought it was Londo's alarm going off and I was snapping at him in that sleepy babbling way to turn off his alarm. That's how much she sounded like an alarm. Or that's how out of it I was at the abrupt waking. Probably both.) Londo tried to put her down I think 4 times in the span of a little over an hour.

When I took over, I quickly realized there would be no putting her down. After 45 minutes of nursing, she finally fell asleep (miraculously not attached to my nipple). When I tried to shift her a bit in preperation of getting up and putting her in her crib, she fussed and cried, and I immediately stopped moving so that I wouldn't fully wake her. And so, I pulled up a blanket, used another blanket for a pillow, put the chair in recliner mode, and drifted to sleep as best I could.

An hour later, she woke up crying in my arms. She still doesn't settle down if I try to only rock her, although I keep trying (maybe only half-heartedly). I ended up nursing her back to sleep, and we both fell asleep. When I woke up an hour later (at 5:30 A-freaking-M), she still had my nipple in her mouth. They are sore, people. Very sore the past week--from this sort of thing, not from anything, you know, good. Luckily I was able to detach her without waking her, and we slept another hour, when she woke up crying again and I said that's it, we are awake for the day because it's 6:30 and that's wake up time and I'm just done.

I really hate it when she wakes up screaming and crying before she even opens her eyes. It must mean that what has woken her is that something inside doesn't feel right. So that makes me feel so bad for her. And it drives me crazy.

Here's the good news (if you can call it that): I think I know why she's having a particularly hard time. Last night I saw, and then felt, some big bumps just under her gums. It looks like her first molars are trying to come in. Her teething has never gone smoothly, so I can only imagine that the molars will be especially hard. Teething would also explain much of what's going on lately, from the fever and off-and-on runny nose to the sleeping problems and fussiness to the wanting to constantly nurse and not wanting to eat much solids.

So I feel a little better knowing that things should get better after her molars are through the skin and up a little ways (if history holds true). But I have a feeling this won't be a quick process... plus, there are going to be four of them, right? Yet I feel only two bumps on the bottom gum...

She Night Weaned and Sleep Trained Herself

Updated below.

I have been debating whether or not to write about this. I know so many other people who are going still getting up in the nights with their kids or who had to work really hard to night wean and/or sleep train their babies. I hate to sound like I'm bragging about something that can be so hard (and in fact I had assumed it would be very hard for us), so I wasn't going to do a whole post about this.

But I was emailing with someone, and she said that she was amazed that I had once said the Pumpkin sleep trained herself. She said that the internet would have you believe that you always have to do the sleep training because they just can't figure it out on their own. But in our case, that wasn't true. I'm guessing it's not true for everyone, and I thought I ought put it out on the internet so that people would know. Some babies night wean themselves. Some babies sleep train themselves. But none of these things happen early, and they will go through regressions.

Anyway, here goes...

Don't hate me, but the Pumpkin night weaned herself and started sleeping through the night on her own. I wish I could say there was something I did to make it happen, but I really didn't. This was just one thing we lucked out on... I think to make up for the many things that have been so hard with the Pumpkin. Although we did some things to set the stage for this which worked for our particular baby and might not work for others. I really think her sleep training and night weaning herself has more to do with what she was simply capable of and our waiting it out through the early months and the rough periods. (I feel like I should be linking to posts that I've written documenting these things, but it's too late and I'm too tired to try spend time looking them up. Sorry.)

First, there is the baby. From week 3 to 3.5 months, she slept 8 hours at night. Keep in mind, for the first 3 weeks, we had to hold her so she would sleep at all. But then the peditrician suggested the swing, and we'd swaddle her and put her in the swing. That was why she slept through the night. When those batteries would die in the middle of the night, it was a mad dash to get new ones in before she was totally awake and screaming bloody murder. At 2 months, we moved her to the co-sleeper attached to my side of the bed. She was still swaddled and still slept for about 8 hours at one stretch. She did not sleep so well once the 4 month sleep regression hit at 3.5 months and continued into the next, lasting until 7.5 months, a period of utter, living hell.

That whole time, I knew she had it in her to sleep for a long chunk. I knew she didn't need to nurse every time she woke up, so we made up our shifts. Londo would get her if it was prior to 2:00 (although I think we started it at 1:00 in the first months of this and later moved it back to 2:00). I would get her after 2:00. We never did CIO or Ferberize or anything like that. When she woke up, she would go from fussing to crying to screaming. She would not calm down or release tension from crying. It was much easier to just get her right away and rock (for Londo) or nurse (for me) her back to sleep*. In addition, I would bring her into bed with me when I'd get her.

But I really think the shifts and the waiting to nurse her until a certain time were part of what helped set the stage at a later age, especially for the night weaning. Moving her into her crib at 6 months during the sleep regression was actually a good idea for us, too. We figured that as long as she was waking up every 30 minutes to an hour anyway, we might as well let her do it in her own room. I think if we waited to transition her to her own room and her own crib until after the sleep regression, we would have had to deal with an adjustment period that would include more lost sleep. After she moved into her room, the cosleeping I would do after getting her was in the bed in her nursery, which I think also helped, since she stayed in that room so there wasn't some big change, but this could be just in my head.

Mostly, she just started sleeping later. Not always, but here and there. When she was going for longer stretches, Londo agreed to extend his shift until 3, then 4, then 5, because if I went in she would just want to nurse. He could almost always rock her back to sleep. But again, she just started sleeping past his shifts and that was how we extended the times between her nursing. But this wasn't until she was maybe 11 months old.

Once things were going well, we would go through another sleep regression, but usually only a few days to a few weeks. Nothing like before. At first, Londo would mostly go in, but when she was waking up 3 or 4 times a night, I would also go in. She still would always expect me to nurse her, and it was just easier to do so. I worried at first that it would cause a regression to stick and she would continue to want to nurse during the night, but it didn't.

Updated for clarity:
As ImpostorMom noted, we did do some level of sleep training. But I wanted to clarify that we pushed back the time Londo would go in after she already started sleeping that long. For example, after she regularly started sleeping until 3 or later, Londo's shift changed to be that late. I think we helped her continue to sleep late, but we didn't push the times ourselves. If that makes sense.

The other point I forgot to make last night when I wrote this was that I'm mainly trying to show that it's not all one way or another. There are levels in between. We certainly assisted with her ability to sleep through the night. But we weren't worried that if we did this she would always do this or if we didn't start doing that she would never do that. For example, people would say to us that once you brought a baby into bed with you even once, the child wouldn't leave until they were 3 or sometimes older. This was not true for our child. We let her cosleep with the only restriction in that we had her start out in her swing/cosleeper/crib (and this was only because she went to bed earlier than us). We rarely cosleep anymore (even though I sometimes miss it). So my point is that there are many shades of gray in between, and it all depends on your needs and abilities and your baby's needs and abilities. That is why I don't believe there is one right solution for everyone.
Updated part over.

Do you hate me? Do you wish I never posted this? I'm really sorry that not all kids do this. If it helps, things aren't perfect. I still have to nurse her to sleep every night until she is in really deep sleep. There is no putting her down drowsy but awake unless you want a screaming baby who you have to spend another 30 minutes to an hour getting back to sleep. She doesn't nap well or consistently. Every time I think about trying to get her on some sort of napping and eating schedule, she throws it right out the window.

I will take what I can get, though. We are in general finally doing okay with sleep. I do not expect it to last, as it never does. She still is often a very fussy, clingy baby who wants--no make that needs to be held often. Luckily, this is easier to deal with when we are getting good sleep. Speaking of which, I better go to sleep now since I totally jinxed it and she will wake up a ton tonight and have a fussy morning that starts at 5:00. Again. Cause we do at least one of those every week or every other week.

Also, I have some bad memories of being told to go back to sleep by my dad from the other room when I'd cry for my mom as a young child, and I could not bring myself to let my child's cries go uncomforted by Londo or me. I understand now why they did that, but it affected me. I was probably around 4, and I don't think babies as young as the Pumpkin are as affected, but the thought of letting her just cry without our comforting her brought back my memories. What other people do in their houses is up to them. This was just our decision mainly because of my experience as a child.

Read This Book (and My April Read and How I Have Time To Read)

On Monday morning, I finished the book How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I simply cannot recommend this book highly enough. Seriously, this book is one of the most amazing books I've ever read.

I don't just recommend this book to parents. I think everyone in the world should read this book. I think the book should be called How To Talk to Other People and Listen To Other People. It's really true. For example, last weekend Londo saw me picking through a bowl of chips he had set out for guests and he started berating me for touching them all (while looking for the best ones). Well, my instinctive feeling was to keep doing it to spite him, even though he was 100% right. I realized it was the way he talked to me that made me feel that way. As an adult, I'm able to do the right thing anyway, but I can totally see that a child would do the instinctive thing that they know is wrong because of the way we say things to them. I had another example of this, but I forgot it. My point stands though, that this book can apply to every. single. person. in. the. world!

It's a quick read and really makes you think about how you are talking and listening and gives concrete ideas for how change the ways you talk and listen. And the bonus is that you don't even have to read the whole book or do the activities in it! They put in little cartoons to illustrate each concept, so all you really have to do is read the cartoons! Although the entire book is well worth the read. It will change your life. I mean it. Read the book. Buy it, check out from the library, borrow it from me (after Londo reads it, that is).

That was a book on my list of TBR Challenge Alternates. I'm actually pretty impressed with myself for getting through not just the TBR books but quite a few of the alternates as well. Now that it is April, I've started my April book, Bel Canto, by Ann Patchett. Here is the story about this book, which has been sitting on my shelf for maybe 3 or 4 years.

My sister bought this book for me as part of my Christmas presents one year. It is an award winning book that was a bestseller and had great reviews. My sister is a great gift buyer, especially when she buys for me. She has great taste, she knows my likes and dislikes, and she has bought me other books that I've totally loved. The fact I haven't read this book is no reflection on her. But honestly, if I had seen it in the store, I doubt I would have bought it. The plot isn't that intriguing to me, but I hear that the plot isn't what makes it great--it's the writing, the looks into the people, that is what is great. It must be good to have won awards and been a bestseller, right?

So, I am finally making myself read it. I will likely love it and wonder why I didn't read it earlier. At least I hope so. I'm not that far in yet, and I think the writing is good, but it hasn't captured me yet. But I haven't had much time to try and get into it. We will see. I'll let you know when I'm done.

Now, I did want to address something that a few people have said online and IRL. Some of you are amazed at how much I read, that I can find time to read at all. First let me say that reading is a hobby that borders on an obsession for me. When I'm into a book, I let so many other things go just so I can read. I sneak in times here and there to get another page in. I also read instead of watch TV or clean or go to bed or play on the internet. It's what I pick to do when I need some me time to relax. It is not something I force myself to do.

But I did wonder about how I have time to read, especially when I'm feeling so crazy busy lately. So, I did a little experiment for you all. I tracked when and how long I read while reading the How To Talk... book. Here is the results:
Tuesday:
-30 minutes while nursing the Pumpkin in the morning
-25 minutes while nursing the Pumpkin to sleep (I use a book light after she closes her eyes)
Wednesday:
-25 minutes while nursing in the morning
-10 minutes while nursing her to sleep
-10 minutes while eating desert
Thursday:
-15 minutes while nursing in the morning
-10 minutes while nursing to sleep
Friday:
-15 minutes while nursing in the morning
-10 minutes while nursing her to sleep
-10 minutes before going to bed myself
Saturday:
-15 minutes while nursing in the morning
-5 minutes while nursing her trying to get her to take a nap (she didn't go to sleep)
-5 minutes while I was in the bathroom
-25 minutes while nursing her to sleep
Sunday:
-15 minutes while nursing in the morning
-25 minutes while nursing her and holding her for a nap
-5 minutes while waiting for the shower to warm up and while brushing my teeth (it was a really interesting part! And I am obsessive!)
-25 minutes while nursing her to sleep
-10 minutes while having a cup of tea
Monday:
-10 minutes while nursing in the morning.

I finished the book Monday morning. The total time I spent reading this book over the course of a little under a week was 305 minutes, or 5 hours and 5 minutes. Granted this book was a fast read, so not all my books are finished this quickly, but I probably do spend about 5 hours a week reading. Some weeks more, some weeks less.

Now that I think about when I'm reading, I wonder what I will do when the Pumpkin weans? How will I fit in my reading time when I'm not nursing? I'm not sure yet, but I know I will. It's what I do.

No More Pump and Circumstance

I'm done with pumping!! Hooray!!!!

At the Pumpkin's 1 year doctor appointment, the doctor okayed putting her on whole milk. I don't plan to stop nursing, but I am more than happy to stop pumping. In fact, I had planned to pump once a day for one last week (the week after her doctor's appointment, about two weeks ago), but I didn't make it.

I was just so done with it. She easily transitioned to (organic) cow milk for the two bottles she takes during the day to go down for her naps. I still nurse her in the mornings when she gets up, at night to go to sleep, and really any other time she wants when I'm around her. I (or Londo) have been giving her cow milk bottles for her naps on the weekends, but that's mainly to give me a break and make sure she is getting enough milk since my supply has gone down during the day.

I love nursing her. It's been an incredible bonding experience. I could really go on and on about how important it's been for us and how wonderful... but that's a different post. This is about my experience pumping.

Disclaimer: Pumping was not pretty on my breasts, so any men (or women) who don't want to hear about it should stop reading now. I might be a little too graphic for some.

Prior to returning to work when the Pumpkin was just over 3 months old, I pumped here and there in order to build up enough milk for her to take three bottles the first day I went to work. This part went okay, although it was not easy to try and find time to pump. I did it and then went back to work where I would pump enough milk for the next day (and sometimes a bit more... sometimes a bit less).

I have been very fortunate in my experience with my company. Unlike other people's companies, my company is extremely supportive of breastfeeding and working moms in general. It's not just lip service, either. All major offices in my area have a Mother's Room. The one in my office was fantastic! It had a sink and fridge in it, different types of chairs, a good size table, a phone and a working internet cable. No windows and a locked door. In addition, when I went back to work, I was the only woman using the room, so I was able to set it up just the way I liked it and not share or anything.

That is where the good part of this story ends. Because although the set up was great, the pumping itself did not go so great. My main issues began the very first time I pumped and continued after I went back to work.

The pumping hurt. The pump sucked in my nipples, rubbing them raw on the sides. After talking with people and researching online, I thought the problem must be with the size of the sheilds. So I bought bigger sheilds. It turns out that those sheilds were not helping too much. So I bought the biggest sheilds. They helped some, but still my nipples were getting raw and cracked from rubbing the plastic edges inside the sheild. Having dealt with thrush in the early months, I was really worried about cracked nipples leading to another bout with thrush. Plus, once the nipple cracked, it would take forever to heal--especially because it would re-open the next time I had to pump.

A friend of mine mentioned a different type of pump that uses soft, pliable sheilds. I wasn't ready to spend the money on a new pump when I'd spent so much already on my Advanced Pump In Style (with the super cute bag!). But that gave me an idea of what to look for, and sure enough I found soft shields for my pump! This really seemed to solve my problem.

But the other issue that went hand in hand with the sheild issue was that I could only use my pump on the lowest setting. If I turned it up even a little, my nipples would start cracking again. So I would use the lowest setting, sitting in the Mother's Room, working (and reading mommy blogs) for 45 minutes to an HOUR three. times. a day!!! This was a significant amount of time to be away from my desk. But my coworkers (mostly men) knew where I was and what I was doing, and they understood and worked with me. We could communicate through email, our company's IM and through the phone. They were good about scheduling meetings around my times up there, and if they couldn't find me in my office, they'd shoot me an email saying to find them when I was done. No one gave me a hard time about what I was doing or how often or how long. I felt very supported by my coworkers and company.

But spending three hours a day in a room that wasn't my office caused me considerable juggling in scheduling and managing work and people.

There was more good... I was able to keep my supply up pretty well for most of the time. And once the Pumpkin was well on solid foods (probably around month 8), I went down to pumping only twice a day, but still 45-60 minutes each time. I had planned to just keep pumping after she turned one, but the thought of continuing made me want to cry. The time it took and the physical pain it was for me just wasn't worth it anymore.

The Pumpkin is over 12 months old, and I'm proud to say that she has never had a drop of formula*. She still nurses, and we have no plans to stop that yet. But I am very thankful to the cows who make it possible for me to stop. And I'm so very thankful to be done with pumping!

*I don't think there is anything wrong with formula, but this is still an achievement I'm proud of because of what I went through to make it happen.