Thursday, April 3, 2008

She Night Weaned and Sleep Trained Herself

Updated below.

I have been debating whether or not to write about this. I know so many other people who are going still getting up in the nights with their kids or who had to work really hard to night wean and/or sleep train their babies. I hate to sound like I'm bragging about something that can be so hard (and in fact I had assumed it would be very hard for us), so I wasn't going to do a whole post about this.

But I was emailing with someone, and she said that she was amazed that I had once said the Pumpkin sleep trained herself. She said that the internet would have you believe that you always have to do the sleep training because they just can't figure it out on their own. But in our case, that wasn't true. I'm guessing it's not true for everyone, and I thought I ought put it out on the internet so that people would know. Some babies night wean themselves. Some babies sleep train themselves. But none of these things happen early, and they will go through regressions.

Anyway, here goes...

Don't hate me, but the Pumpkin night weaned herself and started sleeping through the night on her own. I wish I could say there was something I did to make it happen, but I really didn't. This was just one thing we lucked out on... I think to make up for the many things that have been so hard with the Pumpkin. Although we did some things to set the stage for this which worked for our particular baby and might not work for others. I really think her sleep training and night weaning herself has more to do with what she was simply capable of and our waiting it out through the early months and the rough periods. (I feel like I should be linking to posts that I've written documenting these things, but it's too late and I'm too tired to try spend time looking them up. Sorry.)

First, there is the baby. From week 3 to 3.5 months, she slept 8 hours at night. Keep in mind, for the first 3 weeks, we had to hold her so she would sleep at all. But then the peditrician suggested the swing, and we'd swaddle her and put her in the swing. That was why she slept through the night. When those batteries would die in the middle of the night, it was a mad dash to get new ones in before she was totally awake and screaming bloody murder. At 2 months, we moved her to the co-sleeper attached to my side of the bed. She was still swaddled and still slept for about 8 hours at one stretch. She did not sleep so well once the 4 month sleep regression hit at 3.5 months and continued into the next, lasting until 7.5 months, a period of utter, living hell.

That whole time, I knew she had it in her to sleep for a long chunk. I knew she didn't need to nurse every time she woke up, so we made up our shifts. Londo would get her if it was prior to 2:00 (although I think we started it at 1:00 in the first months of this and later moved it back to 2:00). I would get her after 2:00. We never did CIO or Ferberize or anything like that. When she woke up, she would go from fussing to crying to screaming. She would not calm down or release tension from crying. It was much easier to just get her right away and rock (for Londo) or nurse (for me) her back to sleep*. In addition, I would bring her into bed with me when I'd get her.

But I really think the shifts and the waiting to nurse her until a certain time were part of what helped set the stage at a later age, especially for the night weaning. Moving her into her crib at 6 months during the sleep regression was actually a good idea for us, too. We figured that as long as she was waking up every 30 minutes to an hour anyway, we might as well let her do it in her own room. I think if we waited to transition her to her own room and her own crib until after the sleep regression, we would have had to deal with an adjustment period that would include more lost sleep. After she moved into her room, the cosleeping I would do after getting her was in the bed in her nursery, which I think also helped, since she stayed in that room so there wasn't some big change, but this could be just in my head.

Mostly, she just started sleeping later. Not always, but here and there. When she was going for longer stretches, Londo agreed to extend his shift until 3, then 4, then 5, because if I went in she would just want to nurse. He could almost always rock her back to sleep. But again, she just started sleeping past his shifts and that was how we extended the times between her nursing. But this wasn't until she was maybe 11 months old.

Once things were going well, we would go through another sleep regression, but usually only a few days to a few weeks. Nothing like before. At first, Londo would mostly go in, but when she was waking up 3 or 4 times a night, I would also go in. She still would always expect me to nurse her, and it was just easier to do so. I worried at first that it would cause a regression to stick and she would continue to want to nurse during the night, but it didn't.

Updated for clarity:
As ImpostorMom noted, we did do some level of sleep training. But I wanted to clarify that we pushed back the time Londo would go in after she already started sleeping that long. For example, after she regularly started sleeping until 3 or later, Londo's shift changed to be that late. I think we helped her continue to sleep late, but we didn't push the times ourselves. If that makes sense.

The other point I forgot to make last night when I wrote this was that I'm mainly trying to show that it's not all one way or another. There are levels in between. We certainly assisted with her ability to sleep through the night. But we weren't worried that if we did this she would always do this or if we didn't start doing that she would never do that. For example, people would say to us that once you brought a baby into bed with you even once, the child wouldn't leave until they were 3 or sometimes older. This was not true for our child. We let her cosleep with the only restriction in that we had her start out in her swing/cosleeper/crib (and this was only because she went to bed earlier than us). We rarely cosleep anymore (even though I sometimes miss it). So my point is that there are many shades of gray in between, and it all depends on your needs and abilities and your baby's needs and abilities. That is why I don't believe there is one right solution for everyone.
Updated part over.

Do you hate me? Do you wish I never posted this? I'm really sorry that not all kids do this. If it helps, things aren't perfect. I still have to nurse her to sleep every night until she is in really deep sleep. There is no putting her down drowsy but awake unless you want a screaming baby who you have to spend another 30 minutes to an hour getting back to sleep. She doesn't nap well or consistently. Every time I think about trying to get her on some sort of napping and eating schedule, she throws it right out the window.

I will take what I can get, though. We are in general finally doing okay with sleep. I do not expect it to last, as it never does. She still is often a very fussy, clingy baby who wants--no make that needs to be held often. Luckily, this is easier to deal with when we are getting good sleep. Speaking of which, I better go to sleep now since I totally jinxed it and she will wake up a ton tonight and have a fussy morning that starts at 5:00. Again. Cause we do at least one of those every week or every other week.

Also, I have some bad memories of being told to go back to sleep by my dad from the other room when I'd cry for my mom as a young child, and I could not bring myself to let my child's cries go uncomforted by Londo or me. I understand now why they did that, but it affected me. I was probably around 4, and I don't think babies as young as the Pumpkin are as affected, but the thought of letting her just cry without our comforting her brought back my memories. What other people do in their houses is up to them. This was just our decision mainly because of my experience as a child.

8 comments:

ImpostorMom said...

Certainly don't hate you, goof ball. :P

But I don't agree that she night weaned and trained herself either. From your retelling of it, you guys had a major hand in the progress you've made.

Maybe it wasn't a "sleep expert" approved plan of action but it was a plan of action that you guys developed and who better than you, the experts on the Pumpkin and her sleep.

You said it yourself that Londo would go in and comfort first until 1 until then 2 and 3 and so on. That is systematically removing her nursing sessions because you knew she didn't necessarily need them.

Sleep training isn't only letting them CIO it is helping them learn what they need to fall back asleep. That is different for everyone.

I'm thankful that CIO has worked for Boog because I'm impatient. :P But I by no means think that is the end all be all solution for every family. And I also don't relish hearing my baby cry.

There are some nights that it kills me but for Boog he's basically throwing a tantrum because he doesn't want to sleep and we have a strict don't give in to tantrums policy. Whether it's about sleep or that cookie he wants.

BrooklynGirl said...

Oh man...I don't hate you, but oh how I covet!

My Buddy Mimi said...

We had a similar situation and went to sleeping 8 hours per night even earlier, probably around 6 or 7 months. BUT at age 2 1/2 she is still sleeping 8 to 9 hours per night, so there has never really been any improvements since then. It's hard to complain with a kid that sleeps through the night, but sometimes I get people telling me about their kid sleeping twelve hours per night and still taking a two-hour nap, and I want to throttle them.

-goofydaddy said...

at about 3 months, ours was sleeping from about 9pm-5am. she started waking up at about 1am, so since i was usually working from home that late, I would sleep-feed her at midnight. that was working for about a month, and then we read somewhere that this was a bad idea (go figure). so i just stopped and she decided she didn't want to wake up anymore. then, she started getting tired earlier and earlier in the evening, until she was going to bed at 7:30pm, and waking up at 5am. then she was sleeping in a little later until by about 7months old she was sleeping from 7:30pm-7am! i think we did even less than you guys did!

she went through a bit of a sleep regression, or more a not wanting to go to sleep period after a long trip at 10 months old, but she was over that by 11 months old, and she's been back to the above routine and she's 18 months old now.

at about 14 months old, one day she wasn't tired for her morning nap, so i kept her awake until just after lunch, and she took one long nap. from that day on, that's how it's been.

the toughest thing we've had to do was figure out how to get her to sleep in her crib instead of her car carrier. we had to first put the carrier in the crib, so she was used to the location. then for a week i put her in the crib even though she really wouldn't take a nap longer than 30 minutes. she got used to it, and the rest is history.

you may hate on us all you wish ;-)

sheSaid.purplehouseonpearl.com said...

I don't hate you... at least not in the clear light of day. I think this is really reassuring to hear. That through parenting a child, being consistent and listening to her needs she sleeps well, through the night and you are all where you want to be. I HATE the term sleep training... I get the concept but you train a dog not a baby, you parent a baby... exactly like you did... and it worked... and it is really wonderful to hear :)

Becoming Mommy said...

It looked like you sleep trained/weaned too. It was just a slower process than say, CIO like we decided to do.
But then Pumpkins needs were different.
For us, Sasha had already night weaned (mostly, there was still the 3-5am wakeup to nurse...but that was his 3xwk schedule for normal wakeup so it makes sense). The only disruptions we were having were demands for playtime. I knew in his case, CIO wouldn't hurt. And it didn't.

Shellie said...

Not hate, just jealous, maybe, but in a good way, as in I'm happy for you and I already figured out life isn't fair. :) Maybe she can teach my 16 yo!

La folle maman said...

The night weaning for us was easy. It was the sleep training that was difficult and we still have some trouble with occassionally.

I won't go into all of the gory details but let's just say it took me a while to let go of the feeding to sleep idea. I used to think it was because he got so upset when we didn't do it and that's why I was so against it. But then I realized I was to blame more because I didn't want to give it up and subconsciously was sabotaging our "fall to sleep on your own" efforts.

Just last night I read in the AAP's book Food Fights, that feeding to sleep eventually becomes more than a sleep training issue but a eating habit that's hard to break. Apparently studies have been done which indicate babies who were sent to bed with a bottle (were talking older babies and toddlers) were more likely to be obese later in life. That's definitely a wake up call for me to stop sneaking in the feed to sleeps on nights when Monkey's really tired.