Londo and I had a big talk last night about, shall we say, family planning. I'm not going into it, and there was no real final decision made. It was just about talking through where we are in our heads and hearts. When it comes to the heart, there are cases to be made on both sides. When it comes to the head, there are cases to be made on... well really just one side. Even though I have this biological, emotional and mental desire to have three kids, I actually want to want to be done with two.
So we had this really great discussion, laying everything out there. It helped me to start thinking about things differently. Because even though I previously said I'd give it a year or two and focus on how things are currently, I wasn't. I was constantly thinking about how to work another child into our lives. It was an obsessive thought that was detracting from my enjoyment of my life, my relaxation into how things are currently.
And now? Now I think if I could only come to terms with having a family with two kids, everything would be much easier. It may be weird to say it this way, but it's pretty accurate. If I could just let go the desire for another child, blame it on biology and long-held fantasies, it would ease this burden I feel, the stress I feel about not being done. I'm working on it--for now.
This week's question of the week is:
What would make your life easier if you could just come to terms with what's going on?
In another area of my life, I think I would be less stressed if I just came to terms with the fact that I'm not going to get to work before 10. On the rare occassions when it happens? What a nice treat! But otherwise, I need to just accept the fact that the two drop offs, especially the one at the Pumpkin's school which happens between 9:00 and 9:15, are just going to mean that I'm not into work until 10. I need to just be okay with this. We've moved back our dinnertime to 6:00 to fit in with the later time in for me, and we might need to consider making it 6:15 or 6:30 so I can actually be home in time to sit down with everyone. I can't keep getting frustrated about how late I get into work when I know it just isn't going to change.
What about you guys? What do you wish you could come to terms with? What would ease your burden if you could only just accept it? How could you go with the flow to make your life better?
Monday, September 20, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Question of the Week - I Actually Enjoy That!
I always thought that doing laundry was a big pain in the butt. Having to check the pockets, making sure stains have something sprayed on them, making sure socks are crumpled so that the dirty spots don't get washed, turning t-shirts inside out so the prints don't wear out. All the trips up and down stairs with heavy baskets. Remembering to gather the dirty clothes from the bedsides, bathrooms, front hall, etc. Just a big, pain-in-the-butt chore. And thank goodness my hubby does his own laundry!
But recently, I've actually enjoyed doing the laundry. The cute little girl clothes and underwear and the adorable little boy outfits? SO cute! I don't even mind scrubbing out stains, and I love discovering what's in the little pockets!
This week's question of the week is:
What is something that you didn't think you would like doing for the kids but you actually do like doing?
In addition to laundry, I am really enjoying packing lunches for the Pumpkin! This was something I never thought I would like to do, but I do like it! Shopping for different items to that she will like, thinking up what to put in, and even fixing sandwiches! (She loves chicken salad sandwiches! Who knew there was actually a sandwich she would like? I just need to remember to cover everything in either mayo or butter!) It adds time to my evenings/nights, but it's not bad and it feels good to have all that prep done and lunches ready to go for the morning!
I've been giving it some thought, and I don't think my enjoyment is really from doing the chores. It's that these activities bring out a very maternal feeling in me. This is what a Mom (or Dad) does for her (or his) kids. These are the things that parents do daily/weekly to care for and provide for their children. I'm a mom, and I do my kids' laundry and pack their lunches. I do many other things, but these are two things that I didn't know I would enjoy about being a mom. And I really do.
What about you? Any specific chores you thought would be a pain but turn out to be fun? Do any little chores bring out parental feelings in you? What do you things do you enjoy doing for your kids?
But recently, I've actually enjoyed doing the laundry. The cute little girl clothes and underwear and the adorable little boy outfits? SO cute! I don't even mind scrubbing out stains, and I love discovering what's in the little pockets!
This week's question of the week is:
What is something that you didn't think you would like doing for the kids but you actually do like doing?
In addition to laundry, I am really enjoying packing lunches for the Pumpkin! This was something I never thought I would like to do, but I do like it! Shopping for different items to that she will like, thinking up what to put in, and even fixing sandwiches! (She loves chicken salad sandwiches! Who knew there was actually a sandwich she would like? I just need to remember to cover everything in either mayo or butter!) It adds time to my evenings/nights, but it's not bad and it feels good to have all that prep done and lunches ready to go for the morning!
I've been giving it some thought, and I don't think my enjoyment is really from doing the chores. It's that these activities bring out a very maternal feeling in me. This is what a Mom (or Dad) does for her (or his) kids. These are the things that parents do daily/weekly to care for and provide for their children. I'm a mom, and I do my kids' laundry and pack their lunches. I do many other things, but these are two things that I didn't know I would enjoy about being a mom. And I really do.
What about you? Any specific chores you thought would be a pain but turn out to be fun? Do any little chores bring out parental feelings in you? What do you things do you enjoy doing for your kids?
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Summer Viruses
Some days are covered in vomit,
shit and snot. Bacteria and viruses
abound in the adorable petri dishes
who live with me. They ooze putrid
liquids, sticky and stinky. They infect
each other and those nearby. In their
misery, they fuss, whine, cry, cling
spreading their sick germs with
every nuzzle of their soft heads,
every embrace of their sweet arms.
These two are not simply offspring-
genetic carriers of my DNA. They are
my and my love's children, the
miracle of my heart walking outside
my body. Their throw up and diarrhea
do not overwhelm me, do not
disgust me. Their slimy snot and crusty
boogers do not offend me. My mother's
instinct has me reach out to catch
upchucked food remnants. The nessecities
of parenthood have me scrubbing brown
stains from underpants. The familial bond
has me spreading cool cream on red bottoms.
My patience isn't boundless. Sick kids
are trying, frustrating, cranky. They are
up in the middle of the night for hours,
unable to settle comfortably. They require
multiple trips to the doctor and pharmacies-
long waits with restless children, missed
hours from work. They do not eat the healthy
meals cooked with care, turn their noses up
at my hard effort of providing good food.
Nothing feels right, they complain
with words, actions, whines and cries.
They curl their bodies into mine, seeking
soft curves to pillow their achy bodies.
I hold them, carry them, calm them,
love them. I see them through their illnesses.
My heart bursts with love, in health and
in sickness. I take time off work, keep them
home with me. I measure the medicines,
check their temperatures, provide liquids,
clean them up. I am not a doctor, but I
nurse them till they are better, even at
risk of my own health. I wade through the bile,
crap and mucus to get them well again.
shit and snot. Bacteria and viruses
abound in the adorable petri dishes
who live with me. They ooze putrid
liquids, sticky and stinky. They infect
each other and those nearby. In their
misery, they fuss, whine, cry, cling
spreading their sick germs with
every nuzzle of their soft heads,
every embrace of their sweet arms.
These two are not simply offspring-
genetic carriers of my DNA. They are
my and my love's children, the
miracle of my heart walking outside
my body. Their throw up and diarrhea
do not overwhelm me, do not
disgust me. Their slimy snot and crusty
boogers do not offend me. My mother's
instinct has me reach out to catch
upchucked food remnants. The nessecities
of parenthood have me scrubbing brown
stains from underpants. The familial bond
has me spreading cool cream on red bottoms.
My patience isn't boundless. Sick kids
are trying, frustrating, cranky. They are
up in the middle of the night for hours,
unable to settle comfortably. They require
multiple trips to the doctor and pharmacies-
long waits with restless children, missed
hours from work. They do not eat the healthy
meals cooked with care, turn their noses up
at my hard effort of providing good food.
Nothing feels right, they complain
with words, actions, whines and cries.
They curl their bodies into mine, seeking
soft curves to pillow their achy bodies.
I hold them, carry them, calm them,
love them. I see them through their illnesses.
My heart bursts with love, in health and
in sickness. I take time off work, keep them
home with me. I measure the medicines,
check their temperatures, provide liquids,
clean them up. I am not a doctor, but I
nurse them till they are better, even at
risk of my own health. I wade through the bile,
crap and mucus to get them well again.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Repeated Sicknesses
Over the last three weeks, the Pookie and the Pumpkin keep getting sick. Especially the Pookie. Three weeks ago on Firday, I got called to pick him up early from school because he had a fever. He got better over the weekend, but I was called the following Thursday because he got a fever again. And then again on the following Thursday! Not to mention that the Pumpkin got a fever between the Pookie's first two, and then this past weekend as well. And of course once her fever was gone, the Pookie threw up... twice... on our seven hour car trip home.
It's especially hard to solo parent when one or both kids are sick. I'm a person who gets stir-crazy sitting around the house for a couple days, so when I was by myself with one sick kid and another with pent-up energy for two weekends in a row? I nearly went mad! Let me just say thank goodness for my parents, who let me bring the sick kids over to their house on that Sunday to just have a change of scenery!
We had brought my daughter in with her first fever to make sure she didn't have strep, which has been going around. She didn't. It was just a summer virus, they said. So I didn't bother to bring in the boy until he got his third fever (second child, you know how it is).
The doctor said he looked fine. No spots or redness in his throat. No stomach issues, breathing issues or ear issues. She asked when he started at the daycare, and reminded me that June was not that long ago. She thinks he is still just adjusting to the daycare environment. And apparently there have been a lot of viruses going around this summer. In addition, the teething probably are having a roll in some of the symptoms of sickness.
As we were talking, she asked about vitamins. I said that we hadn't been doing any vitamins because I had been nursing. But since I just stopped nursing a month ago, I really should get him on them.
Then we both looked at each other. And I said our thoughts out loud, "I just stopped nursing a month ago, and he has come down with multiple fevers and sicknesses since I stopped!"
Hello? Why yes, I have a brain. And sometimes I actually use it!
I decided to keep my brain in gear after that appointment and really think about some things. The boy is teething. Those back two molars on the bottom keep poking through, receding, and then poking through again. Sure it brings on elevated temps, fussiness, extra drool including drool he swallows which can cause runny poops and even throwing up, disrupted sleep, picky eating and constantly having his hand in his mouth.
Back up. I just wrote "constantly having his hand in his mouth." That hand which is touching everything at his daycare, including the things that other kids have had in their mouths and the other kids themselves.
Even though it's frustrating that the little 15 month old guy keeps getting sick (and passing it on to his sister), I'm feeling better because I think I know why. And I don't think it's anything serious. I think it's due to the following combination:
1. He's still adjusting his immune system to the daycare environment.
2. He just stopped nursing a month ago and is more susceptible to germs.
3. Because he is teething, he putting things in his mouth which likely have germs on them.
I'm really glad I got him checked out by the doctor so I know it's nothing serious causing his recurring sickness. Just the normal toddler stuff. But I still hope he stops getting sick all the time. I seriously out of leave time from work! Oh, and because I hate to see him sick, even though he's all cuddly and sweet.
It's especially hard to solo parent when one or both kids are sick. I'm a person who gets stir-crazy sitting around the house for a couple days, so when I was by myself with one sick kid and another with pent-up energy for two weekends in a row? I nearly went mad! Let me just say thank goodness for my parents, who let me bring the sick kids over to their house on that Sunday to just have a change of scenery!
We had brought my daughter in with her first fever to make sure she didn't have strep, which has been going around. She didn't. It was just a summer virus, they said. So I didn't bother to bring in the boy until he got his third fever (second child, you know how it is).
The doctor said he looked fine. No spots or redness in his throat. No stomach issues, breathing issues or ear issues. She asked when he started at the daycare, and reminded me that June was not that long ago. She thinks he is still just adjusting to the daycare environment. And apparently there have been a lot of viruses going around this summer. In addition, the teething probably are having a roll in some of the symptoms of sickness.
As we were talking, she asked about vitamins. I said that we hadn't been doing any vitamins because I had been nursing. But since I just stopped nursing a month ago, I really should get him on them.
Then we both looked at each other. And I said our thoughts out loud, "I just stopped nursing a month ago, and he has come down with multiple fevers and sicknesses since I stopped!"
Hello? Why yes, I have a brain. And sometimes I actually use it!
I decided to keep my brain in gear after that appointment and really think about some things. The boy is teething. Those back two molars on the bottom keep poking through, receding, and then poking through again. Sure it brings on elevated temps, fussiness, extra drool including drool he swallows which can cause runny poops and even throwing up, disrupted sleep, picky eating and constantly having his hand in his mouth.
Back up. I just wrote "constantly having his hand in his mouth." That hand which is touching everything at his daycare, including the things that other kids have had in their mouths and the other kids themselves.
Even though it's frustrating that the little 15 month old guy keeps getting sick (and passing it on to his sister), I'm feeling better because I think I know why. And I don't think it's anything serious. I think it's due to the following combination:
1. He's still adjusting his immune system to the daycare environment.
2. He just stopped nursing a month ago and is more susceptible to germs.
3. Because he is teething, he putting things in his mouth which likely have germs on them.
I'm really glad I got him checked out by the doctor so I know it's nothing serious causing his recurring sickness. Just the normal toddler stuff. But I still hope he stops getting sick all the time. I seriously out of leave time from work! Oh, and because I hate to see him sick, even though he's all cuddly and sweet.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Question of the Week - What Would You Write About?
Well, it's been a pretty crazy busy time for me. For the majority of the previous three weeks, I have been the solo parent to the two kids, the caretaker of the dog, cat and house (and sometimes the garden, which I didn't kill off thankyouverymuch!), and a worker full time (mostly) out of the house at a really busy time in my project. On top of it all, I'm still trying to be there for my husband, as well as my family and my friends. Add in the sicknesses that seem to be plaguing my house, and, well, I've had little time for writing posts or even reading and commenting on my favorite blogs.
I don't think I'm alone in my business or inability to write about everything that I want to write about. So this week's Question of the Week is:
What have you been planning to or want to write about if you had time (and a blog, for those of you who don't)?
Here are some things I hope to post on soon, but if I don't at least I'm mentioning it here:
- I am feeling pretty amazing about how I'm juggling everything and that I really can be the solo parent to two kids when I need to be.
- My daughter started at the Montessori school, and so far it seems to be going well.
- My son is doing some really fun and amazing things, not to mention he and the things he does are so cute it melts my heart.
- My daughter must have gone through yet another developmental spurt, because she is even more capable and picking up on ideas and concepts that she wouldn't have understood just a couple of months earlier.
- My son keeps getting sick while teething, and I've got some thoughts about why.
- My kids are playing together more and more, and it's awesome.
- When I'm with my husband, we are having amazing sex. Yeah, I said it. And I might say more about it later!
- I took the two kids on the 7 hour car ride to my inlaws house BY MYSELF! (Londo was already down there.) Without a DVD player! And... it went really well!
- Sometimes, my daughter goes to bed without Mommy or Daddy in the room. When the incentive is greater than her need for one of us.
- One of the best decisions Londo and I made for the Pumpkin was to move her out of her old pre-school and put her for the summer in the pre-school where the Pookie is going to daycare. I debated and was unsure, but now that I can look back, I know it was a really great move.
-The hardest part for me (and I think many others) about being a sometimes single parent is finding the co-parenting rhythm again.
I've got more, but I'll leave it there for now. And now I'm going to visit some of my favorite people to try and start participating in the blogging community again (outside of Twitter). I've missed you guys!
How about you guys? Anything major going on? What have you been planning to write but just haven't gotten to? Who's wishing they had a blog just so they could talk about something in their lives? Do you have a long list of things like me or just one or two things you'd like to get off your chest?
I don't think I'm alone in my business or inability to write about everything that I want to write about. So this week's Question of the Week is:
What have you been planning to or want to write about if you had time (and a blog, for those of you who don't)?
Here are some things I hope to post on soon, but if I don't at least I'm mentioning it here:
- I am feeling pretty amazing about how I'm juggling everything and that I really can be the solo parent to two kids when I need to be.
- My daughter started at the Montessori school, and so far it seems to be going well.
- My son is doing some really fun and amazing things, not to mention he and the things he does are so cute it melts my heart.
- My daughter must have gone through yet another developmental spurt, because she is even more capable and picking up on ideas and concepts that she wouldn't have understood just a couple of months earlier.
- My son keeps getting sick while teething, and I've got some thoughts about why.
- My kids are playing together more and more, and it's awesome.
- When I'm with my husband, we are having amazing sex. Yeah, I said it. And I might say more about it later!
- I took the two kids on the 7 hour car ride to my inlaws house BY MYSELF! (Londo was already down there.) Without a DVD player! And... it went really well!
- Sometimes, my daughter goes to bed without Mommy or Daddy in the room. When the incentive is greater than her need for one of us.
- One of the best decisions Londo and I made for the Pumpkin was to move her out of her old pre-school and put her for the summer in the pre-school where the Pookie is going to daycare. I debated and was unsure, but now that I can look back, I know it was a really great move.
-The hardest part for me (and I think many others) about being a sometimes single parent is finding the co-parenting rhythm again.
I've got more, but I'll leave it there for now. And now I'm going to visit some of my favorite people to try and start participating in the blogging community again (outside of Twitter). I've missed you guys!
How about you guys? Anything major going on? What have you been planning to write but just haven't gotten to? Who's wishing they had a blog just so they could talk about something in their lives? Do you have a long list of things like me or just one or two things you'd like to get off your chest?
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