Realizations and Pretending

I've realized a few things over the past couple of days:

1. I'm transparent. I always suspected this, but the many people who said that they suspected we were trying confirms it. Although I must say I wasn't going out of my way to keep it a secret. I just wasn't laying it out there until now.

2. You people are wonderful. Of course I knew this already, but it hit me again. My friends inside the computer (as well as those IRL) are very supportive and understanding, and I appreciate every kind word you've said to me. Thank you all.

3. It helps to know others who have struggle with IF while I'm going through it again. I was going to write that I no longer feel alone, but that wouldn't have been accurate. Londo was with me every step of the way, and I had great support from my family and some close friends. But no one else had really been through it and totally understood exactly what it felt like. The closest was of course my husband, but as a man, he couldn't experience the same exact things I went through. The internet is really amazing in helping provide this connections to others with the same experience.

Also, I'm really sorry that some of you have also struggled with infertility and miscarriages. My hugs to out to you, too.

And now, on to some cute Pumpkin stories for a lighter note on Friday.

The Pumpkin has recently discovered how to pretend things. It's really quite cute. I would say there are probably three ways in which she pretends, and she does these all. the. time.

1. She pretends to put lotion on her hands and face. It's really cute to watch her rub her hands together (just like Mama!) and also rub her hands down her face (just like Mama!). My hands are really dry, so I'm always putting on lotion. When I do, she used to just also rub her hands together in the same way. Although now the Pumpkin comes up to me and says, "Hans?" (She says hands when she wants to hold your hand and take you somewhere, when she wants to hold your hands to help her down from somewhere, and when she wants to wash her hands. Really, whenever something involves hands.) I give her a touch of my lotion, and she rubs her hands around, which is a little less pretend. Also, every morning I put lotion on my face. The Pumpkin watches this and then pretends to get lotion out of the toothpaste container and rub it around her face. I get such a kick out of this.

2. She pretends to fall down. She does this all the time. She stubbles and falls to her knees totally on purpose. Then she gives this fake cry and says, "Whaaaa. Pumpkin* fall down!" The nearby adult needs to then go hug her or hold her and say something comforting. I think this game started suspiciously close to the time when I taught her Ring Around the Rosies. I figure that she is learning cause and effect and that she's playing through the scenerio of falling in order to deal with real falls. (I highly recommend Playful Parenting, by Lawrence Cohen, to learn about how kids play through scenerios in order to understand how to deal with things in their lives.) This one does get old after a while, but what can you do.

3. She pretends to go to sleep. She lays her head down on a pillow or the floor and says, "Pumpkin* seepin" or some version of that, and then she makes snoring sounds. Sometimes, if there is a blanket nearby, she will pull the blanket up too. This was totally learned from different books we have read, and it has been highly encouraged by her parents and babysitter in the hopes that it will help for real when trying to put her to sleep and in the middle of the night. It might be helping. I like to think it is. Let's humor me and pretend that it's totally helping. I like to play pretend too!

Isn't she adorable? These cute things totally make up for her recent real life game of trying to bite my shoulder when she leans in for a hug. Urg. Mama also plays pretend then... I pretend that I am not about to lose it completely. Sometimes, Mama is not so good at pretend. ;-)


*She says her own name instead of Pumpkin. Which is probably obvious, but I felt the need to clarify anyway.