It has been a tough year for my son. He's in 2nd grade this year, and he is having a rough time. I mean, a really hard time, to the point where his ability to learn is suffering.
We worked with the school addressing his sensory issues during his kindergarten year, and we made it through that year. Then his first grade year went really well! He did great all year long, and his teacher seemed to know just how to handle any issues that came up. And some issues did come up, but the teacher worked with him to resolve them quite successfully.
But this year, a lot of things seem to be coming to a head. His lack of focus, inability to control his impulses and inattentiveness have exacerbated his sensory issues, leading to some serious behavior problems. His teacher is great, really wanting him to succeed and working with him and us to try to get him there. Unfortunately, the things that have worked in the past do not seem to be working now.
In the first week of school, I got two phone calls and an email from the teacher. The second week was about the same. He was not doing the work assigned in class, especially the reading and writing, he was not listening, he was disrupting the class with talking and noises (while the teacher was talking), and he was having meltdowns. We met with the teacher and with the counselor. We talked with the Pookie, we've offered rewards, used behavior charts, we've threatened and punished, we've consoled and supported.
He seems to have the biggest problems adjusting to changes in routines, and neither of my kids have been good with transitions. For example, we've known for years that if there is a substitute teacher in the Pookie's class, he is NOT going to have a good day. We know that he does much better with routines and structure (this is why we did not keep him in a Montessori school), and when there is not a clear routine or when things change, he has a really hard time adjusting.
As the school year progressed, things were getting worse and worse. He was getting upset and leaving the classroom without permission. He'd go in to the bathroom and not come out. For hours. While a staff member sat outside the bathroom to make sure he was okay and to not leave him alone. When they finally got him to talk, he said he wanted some time by himself alone. But the bathroom is no place for that, with other people coming in and out, as they explained to him. One day was extremely bad, and they offered a quiet room that the school has set aside for kids with special needs (small and nothing in it except a mat on the floor), which helped, but the room can't be used as a cool-down place on a regular basis. That day, the second time I was called I said that was it, I was going in to pick him up early. I brought him home and we spent the next few hours doing schoolwork and homework, with him fighting and being contrary the whole time. It was no fun at all for either of us.
He would also bang things, throw things and shove and even hit people when he was upset. He was disrespectful to teachers. But most of all, he was mad at himself!
It was as if he didn't even know what was going on when he'd get so upset. When he was calmed down, he usually wouldn't even remember what happened! I mean, for real, not just trying to get out of trouble. We'd walk him through what lead up to it and then ask about the actual thing that happened, and he would say, "Here's the thing, that's the part I can't remember!" and then he'd say that he was dumb and he hated himself and things like that.
We used to have the added frustration that the Pookie didn't know how to find the words to describe things. At least now, he can do that. But he still has issues finding the words in moments of intense frustration or when he is simply overwhelmed by sensations or emotions. The even bigger issue, though, is that he can't seem to control his actions.
For example, we had my close friend and her two girls stay with us for a weekend. All four kids played well together mostly. (It was really cute, in fact, because they came up with their own play and practiced and made sets and costumes and the performed it for us at the end of the weekend.) At one point, there was some kerfuffle and the Pookie pushed the older girl and then got upset. I sent him to his room to cool down/have a time out, and he asked me to come in after he calmed down. He told me that he was sorry and that he really didn't mean to do it. He said he didn't even realize she was so close to him or that he was using his hands (pushing her) when he was doing it. He said it was like he couldn't even control his own body. It was the best explanation I'd ever heard from him!
So even though he was getting better with using his words to describe what was wrong, he was still having lots of trouble at school, where it's easier to be overwhelmed and there is no place to go to be by himself to calm down.
The absolute worst was how upset he would get with himself. He would say he hated himself and wished he wasn't alive. It's so heartbreaking to hear your child say and think those things about themselves.
He was (and we were) in crisis.
During this time, I bought a lot of books for kids about how to understand and control your emotions, how to recognize sensations in your body, how to calm yourself down, how to meditate (which I've done with the kids on and off for a few years) and about ADHD. I bought him fidgets to help with his anxiety and getting overwhelmed, and to help him stay focused (research shows kids/people with ADHD focus way better when they are able to fidget). I bought him a sensory-input squishy cushion for his desk chair. We talked about techniques for calming down, and I even made him little cards with the three techniques we decided on to keep in his pocket (Flexible Thinking, Meditation, Distraction).
But this was not enough. All the band-aids that Londo and I worked on with him were not enough. There was something more going on, and we needed to address the underlying root cause. At this point, it was very clear to Londo and I that until his inability to focus and control his impulses were addressed, he wasn't going to be successful at school or at home or in his activities.
So while we were doing all the cognitive-behavioral work, we had set up an evaluation for him. We went to the same people that evaluated and diagnosed my daughter. This group is amazing, and the doctor who does the evaluation is really thorough. Like with my daughter, they tested the Pookie for ADHD, learning disabilities and IQ, and I requested that they evaluate him for Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).
As side note about why I requested he be evaluated for ODD: My son is often contrary just to be contrary, says the opposite of what you say just to say the opposite. Like that time when he was literally standing in the rain and said that it wasn't raining--with an angry face, not like he was joking. When I looked at the list of symptoms, the Pookie had many of them. He is very moody, is touchy, argues with anyone if that's his mood, defies his teacher and staff at school, deliberately annoys classmates and his sister. But he is never spiteful or vindictive. And he does not blame others for his mistakes. It seems more like his instinct is just to be contrary, and because he is so impulsive, he can't help himself and then feels bad afterwards. And on the flip side, he is so sweet, cuddly, friendly, supportive, helpful and creative! But just to be sure he did not have ODD, I wanted a professional to evaluate him.
The thorough evaluation came back with no surprises. He definitely had ADHD (it run in my family and Londo's family, and boy does it run in ours!), he is smart, and he has anxiety. They did not evaluate for sensory processing disorder, but we had submitted his previous evaluation for that (by a different group), so that was accounted for in the report we received. The evaluator did not think he has ODD, mainly because he is never spiteful. She provided a thick report that included two pages of recommendations for school and home. This evaluation was well worth the money (and it was expensive)!
We submitted the report to the school, and worked quickly to set up another meeting. This meeting was going to be an IEP screening, because the Pookie was having so many problems we needed to figure out with the school just how much support he would need. We made the meeting for the Wednesday after Thanksgiving.
Meanwhile, we met with our pediatrician(s), submitted the report to them, and discussed medication for ADHD. The Pumpkin was on medication for ADHD again this year, but this year she tried a different kind and it seemed to be helping SO MUCH--but that is a story for another post. The pediatrician suggested we put the Pookie on the same kind, since it worked so well for his sister.
This was right before Thanksgiving. We went to my in-laws' house for Thanksgiving, but we were able to get the prescription filled right before we left town. We didn't want to try new medicine on Thanksgiving itself (we didn't want to even consider an emergency trip to a hospital on Thanksgiving!), so we gave it to him the next day.
Holy. Crap.
The difference between the two days was amazing. He was calm and focused. It was like he was on his best behavior without even trying! From my outside perspective, it appeared to me as if all the noise and buzzing and constant chatter that must go on in his head was quiet. He looked like he could think, instead of just react which was what he had been doing. We had a great day, and he was so proud of himself.
I notified the school on Monday that he had started medication, and he had an amazing day. Tuesday was also a great day. When Londo and I went in for the IEP screening meeting on Wednesday afternoon, we were all a little discombobulated... We were seeing a different kid from just the week before. I mean, it's not like he is not himself. It's more like he was able to show the best sides of himself without all the struggle and contrariness that can come between his best sides.
At a bit of a loss, we all agreed to close the IEP assessment (which can always be reopened) and reconvene in January to discuss a 504 Plan for him. He will still need accommodations, and that is what the 504 provides kids with ADHD.
It's been about a month since he started medication, and he is doing great! Not perfect--he is still a 7-year-old kid, after all. He still has some problematic moments, but overall he is able to control his impulses enough to think before acting and he is able to focus on his tasks at school. His reading has just taken off because he can sit and focus on the words enough to enjoy it!
Most importantly, the Pookie is so proud of himself! With him, the bad will build on the bad and start snowballing into worse and worse (as we saw in the first few months of school)--BUT the good builds on the good! He is feeling better about himself, and he is very happy to be taking the medication. He is able to show everyone (without struggling to do so) how smart and funny and creative and sweet he is!
Monday, December 19, 2016
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
Why I Cry Every Morning
The other day, my husband was giving the kids a pep talk about mornings. You see, he is awake, ready and out the door before the rest of us wake up. I handle the mornings with the kids (and I still hate my mornings). They are never easy mornings. Londo does everything he can to help without being there, including trying to get the kids to listen to me when I tell them to get ready. During this particular pep talk, he said something that included "so mommy doesn't..." And I piped in "...cry every morning!"
The kids looked a little startled at that, and Londo quickly said, "Mommy is just joking." But later in the day, I let Londo, then the Pumpkin and then the Pookie know that I WAS NOT JOKING! Their behavior has made me get angry and yell and/or (usually and) get upset and cry every. single. school. morning. for the last 3 or 4 weeks. Not. Joking.
Over the years, I've tried so many different ways of dealing with the mornings. I used to try to be fun and race the kids! (They always won, after all I have a lot more to do to get ready.) I have tried charts listed what they have to do. I have tried cajoling, threatening, being sweet, being mean, calmly talking through what is needed, getting everything ready for them, being logical, being methodical, being firm, being easy, being silly, letting my frustration show, yelling, letting them do it on their own, praising their efforts... OMG, everything I could think of!
I even had a whole discussion about how I wasn't the enemy, but rather I was their ally in getting ready in the morning. They HAD to get ready and go to school, and I was the one helping them not forcing them to get ready! That one worked for a little while, but eventually, they became difficult again.
Look, I remember how hard it was to get up in the mornings and go to school. It's STILL hard for me, especially in winters with my SAD. But I have to go to work, so I get up and get ready for the day. The kids have to go to school, so they need to get up and get ready for the day. It just has to be done.
So why do they fight me every step of the way?
My daughter gives me saucy attitude, if she even responds to me. My son is contrary about everything and then says mean things. I start off so nice! I really do! I sit on their beds and speak gently about getting up and what the weather is going to be like. Then I insist a little more firmly that they get up, at least start by sitting up. I remind them that we want to have a good morning, right? So they need to get up and get ready nicely. I give them a little time, while I go back to my room to get dressed or put on makeup. I come back and speak even more firmly about how they need to get up. That I don't want to have another bad morning. So don't wait until I'm yelling, but just start moving now.
At this point, I'm usually getting to the end of my patience. And at this point, they are still sassing me. The Pookie is saying that I'm so mean or something like that. Recently, the Pumpkin has started to just shriek in response to me. No words, just a shriek.
That's when I start yelling. Why oh why must they wait until I'm yelling to do what they are supposed to do?!? I try so hard to get them moving and doing the right thing before I start yelling. But inevitably I end up yelling. Usually, this is when the Pookie at least starts doing what he's supposed to, but depending on what kind of mood he's in, he may throw a little tantrum while doing it. The Pumpkin, however, continues to give me attitude and shrieks. Shrieks! What is up with that?
I get so frustrated, so sick of having to push them, remind them, stay on top of them, fight with them, yell at them. After all, what do they need to every morning that is worth this hassle? Get up, get dressed, use the potty and brush their teeth. That is all. I do EVERYTHING else for them, or at least help them with everything else. And yet, they bitch and moan about the very little that they have to do!
And it's this point, 10 to 20 minutes since first waking them up, that I start to cry.
Once I start crying, the Pumpkin feels bad and tries to do the right thing, usually even apologizing. The Pookie definitely turns his behavior around. But I don't want to be in tears for them to realize that they are behaving badly and treating me poorly. I don't want to go through this every morning!
They treat me like crap in the mornings. They are rude, mean and disrespectful. And I keep coming back for more. If they were anyone but my own children, I would have left them! I'm not one to stick around for any abuse! But it's my own children, and I can't leave them. I understand that it's hard for them--they don't do well with transitions nor do they do well at focusing or getting tasks completed without a gazillion reminders. But the emotional upheavals every morning aren't good for anyone!
So I let them know that they are treating me poorly every morning, and that I will keep helping them, but that they really are treating me poorly. Something has got to change, and soon. Since they are still going to have to go to school on time, something else is going to have to change. Hopefully I'll figure out what soon. At least I know I'm not alone in this frustration that is parenthood.
The kids looked a little startled at that, and Londo quickly said, "Mommy is just joking." But later in the day, I let Londo, then the Pumpkin and then the Pookie know that I WAS NOT JOKING! Their behavior has made me get angry and yell and/or (usually and) get upset and cry every. single. school. morning. for the last 3 or 4 weeks. Not. Joking.
Over the years, I've tried so many different ways of dealing with the mornings. I used to try to be fun and race the kids! (They always won, after all I have a lot more to do to get ready.) I have tried charts listed what they have to do. I have tried cajoling, threatening, being sweet, being mean, calmly talking through what is needed, getting everything ready for them, being logical, being methodical, being firm, being easy, being silly, letting my frustration show, yelling, letting them do it on their own, praising their efforts... OMG, everything I could think of!
I even had a whole discussion about how I wasn't the enemy, but rather I was their ally in getting ready in the morning. They HAD to get ready and go to school, and I was the one helping them not forcing them to get ready! That one worked for a little while, but eventually, they became difficult again.
Look, I remember how hard it was to get up in the mornings and go to school. It's STILL hard for me, especially in winters with my SAD. But I have to go to work, so I get up and get ready for the day. The kids have to go to school, so they need to get up and get ready for the day. It just has to be done.
So why do they fight me every step of the way?
My daughter gives me saucy attitude, if she even responds to me. My son is contrary about everything and then says mean things. I start off so nice! I really do! I sit on their beds and speak gently about getting up and what the weather is going to be like. Then I insist a little more firmly that they get up, at least start by sitting up. I remind them that we want to have a good morning, right? So they need to get up and get ready nicely. I give them a little time, while I go back to my room to get dressed or put on makeup. I come back and speak even more firmly about how they need to get up. That I don't want to have another bad morning. So don't wait until I'm yelling, but just start moving now.
At this point, I'm usually getting to the end of my patience. And at this point, they are still sassing me. The Pookie is saying that I'm so mean or something like that. Recently, the Pumpkin has started to just shriek in response to me. No words, just a shriek.
That's when I start yelling. Why oh why must they wait until I'm yelling to do what they are supposed to do?!? I try so hard to get them moving and doing the right thing before I start yelling. But inevitably I end up yelling. Usually, this is when the Pookie at least starts doing what he's supposed to, but depending on what kind of mood he's in, he may throw a little tantrum while doing it. The Pumpkin, however, continues to give me attitude and shrieks. Shrieks! What is up with that?
I get so frustrated, so sick of having to push them, remind them, stay on top of them, fight with them, yell at them. After all, what do they need to every morning that is worth this hassle? Get up, get dressed, use the potty and brush their teeth. That is all. I do EVERYTHING else for them, or at least help them with everything else. And yet, they bitch and moan about the very little that they have to do!
And it's this point, 10 to 20 minutes since first waking them up, that I start to cry.
Once I start crying, the Pumpkin feels bad and tries to do the right thing, usually even apologizing. The Pookie definitely turns his behavior around. But I don't want to be in tears for them to realize that they are behaving badly and treating me poorly. I don't want to go through this every morning!
They treat me like crap in the mornings. They are rude, mean and disrespectful. And I keep coming back for more. If they were anyone but my own children, I would have left them! I'm not one to stick around for any abuse! But it's my own children, and I can't leave them. I understand that it's hard for them--they don't do well with transitions nor do they do well at focusing or getting tasks completed without a gazillion reminders. But the emotional upheavals every morning aren't good for anyone!
So I let them know that they are treating me poorly every morning, and that I will keep helping them, but that they really are treating me poorly. Something has got to change, and soon. Since they are still going to have to go to school on time, something else is going to have to change. Hopefully I'll figure out what soon. At least I know I'm not alone in this frustration that is parenthood.
Monday, September 26, 2016
Mommy: The Dream Crusher
This summer, the kids watched the Olympics with me, something I've been waiting for them to be old enough to enjoy! Well actually, they were at my inlaws without me during the week that had the gymnastics competitions, so I recorded hours and hours and HOURS of Olympics and saved the gymnastics to watch with the kids.
You see, growing up my sports were gymnastics and swimming. I LOVE the summer Olympics, especially the gymnastics and swimming. And I want to share my love of those things (especially especially gymnastics) with the kids. Londo has a vague interest in those sports, in the way that he is vaguely interested in all sports but NOT in the way that he loves football and keeps up with basketball and has this fascination with curling in the Winter Olympics (huh?). But I need to get the kids into gymnastics so I can share the LOVE I have for it with others and watch it and be amazed together!
So when the kids were back home, we'd watch my recorded Olympic gymnastics right before bed. Londo had warned me that the Pookie was not that into it down at my inlaws, but I believe that watching it with me made a difference. I'm able to point out things to look for, I give context to the scoring, I explain why the moves are difficult, I provide the backstory for the gymnasts. They really enjoyed it, and we were amazed together!
But things did not go smoothly one night. I think it was the second night we were watching, and the Pookie pointed out how short the Chinese gymnast was. "She might be shorter than Mommy!" he said surprised.
Yes, I'm short. I'm 5'2", which is short but not really THAT short. But isn't it funny how short Mommy is? Haha! It's sooooo funny! Mommy is soooo short! And Daddy? Daddy is a GIANT! He's crazy tall! He is, in fact, 6'4", which is really rather tall.
Guess which side the kids inherited? Their father's height. They have both always been in the 75-95% or greater for height. Which, of course, means that they will be taller than me in a few years. Or next year! They will all be taller than Mommy next year! Haha! Mommy is so short. Ha. Ha. :-/
So there we were, watching gymnastics, with the Pookie only half joking that the gymnast might be shorter than Mommy, cause Mommy is SO short. And I explained to them that actually, all those gymnasts were shorter than me. They were SHOCKED! I explained that it's true, except one or two who might be the same height as me (I looked up Aly Raisman and Gabby Douglas, who are both also 5'2"). All the other female gymnasts are shorter than I am.
I explained how being so short was helpful to the female gymnasts and how being short helped the gymnasts get to the Olympic level of gymnastics. And then the Pookie commented, "The Pumpkin will never be a gymnast in the Olympics then." And I, like a FOOL, basically agreed. I basically said that she'd be too tall to be an Olympic gymnast.
We continued watching the gymnastics until a few minutes later, when I looked over at the Pumpkin, and saw she was crestfallen. She was even starting to cry! Oh crap! Why was she suddenly upset? I asked her what was wrong.
And she said, "Mommy, you told me I can't be an Olympic gymnast, and I've always wanted to be one! You crushed my dreams!"
I immediately starting saying things like, she could be the first tall Olympic gymnast! If she worked hard, who's to say she can't do it? She just needs to work hard and figure it out and she could be one if she really wanted! Etc. etc. etc.
In my mind, I was going: Wait... what? Since when does she have an interest in being a gymnast? She's "always" wanted to be an Olympic gymnast? Um, she hasn't taken any sort of tumbling class since she was, like, 3? I think 3. She only mentioned maybe taking gymnastics classes once during the Olympics. This is BRAND NEW! How can I be expected to know this BRAND NEW thing and not CRUSH her DREAMS when she's never even talked about it before?
Luckily for me, it blew over pretty quickly. The next morning, the Pumpkin told me that she decided she would be the first tall female Olympic gymnast! I totally supported her! If that's what she wants to do, she should do it! A day or two after that, she told me she was going to do basketball instead, since being tall would really benefit her in that sport. I encouraged this even more! In fact, I signed her up for the after-school basketball class this year.
I really want to be that supportive mom who is a great cheerleader for her kids, a shoulder to cry on when things don't go well, and voice that encourages them back into the game (or whatever it is) when they want to quit. I truly don't want to be a Dream Crusher! But how am I to know I'm crushing dreams when I am just being realistic and they have NEVER said anything about this supposed dream in their lives? Some days, it's just a crap shoot.
You see, growing up my sports were gymnastics and swimming. I LOVE the summer Olympics, especially the gymnastics and swimming. And I want to share my love of those things (especially especially gymnastics) with the kids. Londo has a vague interest in those sports, in the way that he is vaguely interested in all sports but NOT in the way that he loves football and keeps up with basketball and has this fascination with curling in the Winter Olympics (huh?). But I need to get the kids into gymnastics so I can share the LOVE I have for it with others and watch it and be amazed together!
So when the kids were back home, we'd watch my recorded Olympic gymnastics right before bed. Londo had warned me that the Pookie was not that into it down at my inlaws, but I believe that watching it with me made a difference. I'm able to point out things to look for, I give context to the scoring, I explain why the moves are difficult, I provide the backstory for the gymnasts. They really enjoyed it, and we were amazed together!
But things did not go smoothly one night. I think it was the second night we were watching, and the Pookie pointed out how short the Chinese gymnast was. "She might be shorter than Mommy!" he said surprised.
Yes, I'm short. I'm 5'2", which is short but not really THAT short. But isn't it funny how short Mommy is? Haha! It's sooooo funny! Mommy is soooo short! And Daddy? Daddy is a GIANT! He's crazy tall! He is, in fact, 6'4", which is really rather tall.
Guess which side the kids inherited? Their father's height. They have both always been in the 75-95% or greater for height. Which, of course, means that they will be taller than me in a few years. Or next year! They will all be taller than Mommy next year! Haha! Mommy is so short. Ha. Ha. :-/
So there we were, watching gymnastics, with the Pookie only half joking that the gymnast might be shorter than Mommy, cause Mommy is SO short. And I explained to them that actually, all those gymnasts were shorter than me. They were SHOCKED! I explained that it's true, except one or two who might be the same height as me (I looked up Aly Raisman and Gabby Douglas, who are both also 5'2"). All the other female gymnasts are shorter than I am.
I explained how being so short was helpful to the female gymnasts and how being short helped the gymnasts get to the Olympic level of gymnastics. And then the Pookie commented, "The Pumpkin will never be a gymnast in the Olympics then." And I, like a FOOL, basically agreed. I basically said that she'd be too tall to be an Olympic gymnast.
We continued watching the gymnastics until a few minutes later, when I looked over at the Pumpkin, and saw she was crestfallen. She was even starting to cry! Oh crap! Why was she suddenly upset? I asked her what was wrong.
And she said, "Mommy, you told me I can't be an Olympic gymnast, and I've always wanted to be one! You crushed my dreams!"
I immediately starting saying things like, she could be the first tall Olympic gymnast! If she worked hard, who's to say she can't do it? She just needs to work hard and figure it out and she could be one if she really wanted! Etc. etc. etc.
In my mind, I was going: Wait... what? Since when does she have an interest in being a gymnast? She's "always" wanted to be an Olympic gymnast? Um, she hasn't taken any sort of tumbling class since she was, like, 3? I think 3. She only mentioned maybe taking gymnastics classes once during the Olympics. This is BRAND NEW! How can I be expected to know this BRAND NEW thing and not CRUSH her DREAMS when she's never even talked about it before?
Luckily for me, it blew over pretty quickly. The next morning, the Pumpkin told me that she decided she would be the first tall female Olympic gymnast! I totally supported her! If that's what she wants to do, she should do it! A day or two after that, she told me she was going to do basketball instead, since being tall would really benefit her in that sport. I encouraged this even more! In fact, I signed her up for the after-school basketball class this year.
I really want to be that supportive mom who is a great cheerleader for her kids, a shoulder to cry on when things don't go well, and voice that encourages them back into the game (or whatever it is) when they want to quit. I truly don't want to be a Dream Crusher! But how am I to know I'm crushing dreams when I am just being realistic and they have NEVER said anything about this supposed dream in their lives? Some days, it's just a crap shoot.
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Back to Schools
Here we are again at the start of another school year. Yesterday was the first day of school, and the Pumpkin is starting 4th grade and the Pookie is starting 2nd grade. They are both still in elementary school, but they are going to different schools this year. That is because the Pumpkin got into the gifted and talented program in our area, and therefore she is bused to a nearby school that has the GT program.
Look, I'm a mom and this is my blog... so I am going to brag just for a minute!
My daughter got into the gifted and talented program! I KNEW she was a super genius! She's always amazed us at the things she does and says and how much she learns and remembers! Super Genius!!!
Now, back to the post...
The Pumpkin is very excited to start this brand new school and be in this GT program, which is a two-year program covering 4th and 5th grade. To help make the transition easier and more comfortable, we went to an open house for the program last Spring, another one last week, a picnic for incoming 4th graders (to the program) last week and the musical that they put on last June. In addition, one of her good friends from her "home school" (the elementary school she'd been going to) is going, as well as two other kids from her home school--and that's just the 4th grade class! She also knows a 5th grader in the program who went to her home school (who's sister is friends with my son). And best of all? My niece is in the program in 5th grade! In fact, when we talked with her about applying to the program, I told her that her cousin goes there and that's what made her say she wanted to apply for sure!
I'd been worried all summer about how I would get the Pumpkin to one of the close schools where the bus would pick her up to take her to her new school and then get back home to get the Pookie on his bus, which would come 20-30 minutes later. But the mom of the girl in 5th grade who's sister is the Pookie's friend worked out carpooling with me, so I think we've got a good plan now.
The Pookie is happy to be going back to school and starting 2nd grade. He has some friends in his new class, and he thinks he's going to really like his teacher. I can see him on the edge of a big leap forward, too, so I'm excited to see what 2nd grade bring with him!
This past weekend, they got some new sporty shorts, new shoes and haircuts. They cleaned their rooms, and we packed their backpacks. By Sunday night, they were ready to start school! I saw them off on the buses yesterday morning, and they were both happy and excited! And when my son's bus left the big bus stop in our neighborhood (our one bus stop fills the whole bus! it's the only stop for the bus!), we parents literally cheered! It was so fun and funny!
So now we are getting back into the rhythm of school, and I'm really ready for it. The kids seem to be, too. Summers are fun, with lots of interesting things to do, but each week is a different place and schedule! It's been really hard for me to juggle it all, especially with work--I often ended up leaving the office early and having to finish working from home in the evenings. But now, I'm back to regular schedules, and the kids are back to regular routines, and life keeps moving forward...
Look, I'm a mom and this is my blog... so I am going to brag just for a minute!
My daughter got into the gifted and talented program! I KNEW she was a super genius! She's always amazed us at the things she does and says and how much she learns and remembers! Super Genius!!!
Now, back to the post...
The Pumpkin is very excited to start this brand new school and be in this GT program, which is a two-year program covering 4th and 5th grade. To help make the transition easier and more comfortable, we went to an open house for the program last Spring, another one last week, a picnic for incoming 4th graders (to the program) last week and the musical that they put on last June. In addition, one of her good friends from her "home school" (the elementary school she'd been going to) is going, as well as two other kids from her home school--and that's just the 4th grade class! She also knows a 5th grader in the program who went to her home school (who's sister is friends with my son). And best of all? My niece is in the program in 5th grade! In fact, when we talked with her about applying to the program, I told her that her cousin goes there and that's what made her say she wanted to apply for sure!
I'd been worried all summer about how I would get the Pumpkin to one of the close schools where the bus would pick her up to take her to her new school and then get back home to get the Pookie on his bus, which would come 20-30 minutes later. But the mom of the girl in 5th grade who's sister is the Pookie's friend worked out carpooling with me, so I think we've got a good plan now.
The Pookie is happy to be going back to school and starting 2nd grade. He has some friends in his new class, and he thinks he's going to really like his teacher. I can see him on the edge of a big leap forward, too, so I'm excited to see what 2nd grade bring with him!
This past weekend, they got some new sporty shorts, new shoes and haircuts. They cleaned their rooms, and we packed their backpacks. By Sunday night, they were ready to start school! I saw them off on the buses yesterday morning, and they were both happy and excited! And when my son's bus left the big bus stop in our neighborhood (our one bus stop fills the whole bus! it's the only stop for the bus!), we parents literally cheered! It was so fun and funny!
So now we are getting back into the rhythm of school, and I'm really ready for it. The kids seem to be, too. Summers are fun, with lots of interesting things to do, but each week is a different place and schedule! It's been really hard for me to juggle it all, especially with work--I often ended up leaving the office early and having to finish working from home in the evenings. But now, I'm back to regular schedules, and the kids are back to regular routines, and life keeps moving forward...
Friday, July 29, 2016
Laughing With My Girl
The other week we were on vacation at the beach. We have a timeshare place we stay for one week every summer, although we've had to stay at different units over the last couple of years due to the timing of the vacation and the fact that we now have two dogs and need to bring them with us. So, it was a place that was new to us, but still nice. This one had two bedrooms on the middle floor, one with a queen bed for Londo and me, and the other had two twin beds for the kids. There was a downstairs bedroom where my parents stayed (we own the timeshare with them).
One late afternoon, we had come back from a day out doing something (beach or boardwalk or shopping) and were relaxing a bit. For some reason, I got the song "Too Bad You're Crazy" stuck in my head--heck, the reason was probably that someone said "you're crazy" and that is enough to get a song with those word in my head. I started signing it (changing the words "crazy as hell" to "crazy as well"), but the Pumpkin was like, "That's a mean song."
There was a lot going on, so I didn't really get to say much about it at the time. But a little while later, the Pumpkin and I were upstairs in my bedroom. I was lying on my back on the bed and was telling her that the song was still stuck in my head. She thinks its funny, how I get song stuck in my head that go on and on like a loop. I started explaining to her that the song was really supposed to be funny, not mean exactly.
Well, she flopped down on the bed on her stomach and wiggled her way up to be next to me in a very funny way. We started laughing.
She said again that the song sounded mean to her. I told her that it was a bit, but it really was supposed to be funny, especially considering where the song was from (a movie). I added, "I mean, it even has a kazoo playing in it!" She gave me a skeptical look, so I started searching for it on my phone. I found it and played it for her, singing along with it. We laughed pretty hard when the kazoo started playing.
She saw the picture from the movie that was put on the YouTube version of the song I linked to above (the movie was April Fool's Day). I explained to her it was from a movie that was a scary movie and that the silly-sounding song at the end helped lighten the mood of the movie. I told her how it came on as the credits were rolling, and how surprised I was at the silliness of the song after being scared by the movie, which had a really crazy person as the bad guy.
I wasn't quite sure she understood what I mean, and then it occurred to me to explain it was kind of like Holly Quinn! The way Holly Quinn is CRAZY but also rather silly. How the song is kind of like something the Joker would sing, especially at the end when the singer says "I'm a little bit crazy myself." She totally understood at that point, and we listened to the song again and laughed.
There was something about that moment, something about me and my 9-year-old daughter laying on top of the bed, laughing every few sentences. Everyone else (Londo, the Pookie and my parents) were all downstairs. I was sharing something silly from my teenage years with my daughter, and we were just giggling together. There was nothing especially hysterical in what we talked about, it was just this and that, generally focused around a song I always thought was amusing.
But I want to remember that moment. The Pumpkin and I hanging out together, laughing over really nothing, just having a good time being together and being silly. It reminds me of hanging out with girlfriends and laughing for long periods of time over things you can't really explain later. Having those kinds of moments with my kids makes all the difficulties worth while.
One late afternoon, we had come back from a day out doing something (beach or boardwalk or shopping) and were relaxing a bit. For some reason, I got the song "Too Bad You're Crazy" stuck in my head--heck, the reason was probably that someone said "you're crazy" and that is enough to get a song with those word in my head. I started signing it (changing the words "crazy as hell" to "crazy as well"), but the Pumpkin was like, "That's a mean song."
There was a lot going on, so I didn't really get to say much about it at the time. But a little while later, the Pumpkin and I were upstairs in my bedroom. I was lying on my back on the bed and was telling her that the song was still stuck in my head. She thinks its funny, how I get song stuck in my head that go on and on like a loop. I started explaining to her that the song was really supposed to be funny, not mean exactly.
Well, she flopped down on the bed on her stomach and wiggled her way up to be next to me in a very funny way. We started laughing.
She said again that the song sounded mean to her. I told her that it was a bit, but it really was supposed to be funny, especially considering where the song was from (a movie). I added, "I mean, it even has a kazoo playing in it!" She gave me a skeptical look, so I started searching for it on my phone. I found it and played it for her, singing along with it. We laughed pretty hard when the kazoo started playing.
She saw the picture from the movie that was put on the YouTube version of the song I linked to above (the movie was April Fool's Day). I explained to her it was from a movie that was a scary movie and that the silly-sounding song at the end helped lighten the mood of the movie. I told her how it came on as the credits were rolling, and how surprised I was at the silliness of the song after being scared by the movie, which had a really crazy person as the bad guy.
I wasn't quite sure she understood what I mean, and then it occurred to me to explain it was kind of like Holly Quinn! The way Holly Quinn is CRAZY but also rather silly. How the song is kind of like something the Joker would sing, especially at the end when the singer says "I'm a little bit crazy myself." She totally understood at that point, and we listened to the song again and laughed.
There was something about that moment, something about me and my 9-year-old daughter laying on top of the bed, laughing every few sentences. Everyone else (Londo, the Pookie and my parents) were all downstairs. I was sharing something silly from my teenage years with my daughter, and we were just giggling together. There was nothing especially hysterical in what we talked about, it was just this and that, generally focused around a song I always thought was amusing.
But I want to remember that moment. The Pumpkin and I hanging out together, laughing over really nothing, just having a good time being together and being silly. It reminds me of hanging out with girlfriends and laughing for long periods of time over things you can't really explain later. Having those kinds of moments with my kids makes all the difficulties worth while.
Friday, July 22, 2016
Summer Camps
For the last three years, I've signed the kids up for a variety of camps to cover the work days over the summer. We've tried different types of day camps, including art, drama, sports and STEM. I thought we'd try out all different kinds so we could see what the kids like--turns out my kids like ALL types of camps!
The first year, we did a drama camp, a couple of art camps and a general sports/play camp. The Pumpkin tried a soccer camp one week, but it did not really engage her (either because of her age or interest--maybe both). The Pumpkin really enjoyed the drama camp and the art camp, which was no surprise given how much she's always loved drama and arts and crafts. The Pookie struggled a bit with the drama camp, even though his age-group was half art and half drama, and he had a hard time with the all-day art camp (the other art camp was just a half day). I think his issues were due to a combination of his young age (5 years old at the time) and the sensory issues he has. I ended up picking him up early every day from the all-day art camp, and the drama camp let him work by himself on the art parts of the camp even if others had moved on to drama portion. They both LOVED the general sports/play camp, which is just like playing all sorts of games all day long! In fact, when we were coming up to a week I didn't have anything planned and I asked if they want to do one of the camps again, they wanted to go to the all day sports/play camp again. So I signed them up for it again, and they still loved it. They came home happy and exhausted. It was great!
The second year, the kids did the drama camp, an arts camp and the general sports/play camp again. Since the youngest (the Pookie) was now old enough for the STEM camps offered in my area, we added two of those: an invention camp and a science camp. The first week, they did the drama camp, which the Pumpkin LOVED but the Pookie did not. Now that the Pookie was 6, he was grouped with the Pumpkin's age group, and that class was large and did mostly drama. They'd start with art in the morning, which would go fine, but then the whole class transitioned into the big group to work on the play--and this was really hard for the Pookie. He does not do great with transitions, especially ones that involve joining big groups and can seem chaotic. This and similar transitions at that camp were very difficult for him, and by the afternoon he was tired and it was all just too much. He would slip out the door of the big room, not listen to the camp counselors or other people who worked there when they told him to go back, he'd throw fits when he felt forced to do something he didn't want, he tried to leave the building a few times. He could generally manage until afternoon snack time, and then they called me the first two days to pick him up and after that, we worked it out that I (or my mom) would just pick him up then. At the end of the camp day, I would come back for the Pumpkin, who was thriving in the artsy/drama world.
The next week, they had Camp Invention. This was the first year they were going, and we were just coming off a rough week for the Pookie. I was concerned about how he would handle it, but I called the headquarters and talked with them, and the first day of camp I talked with the director onsite, and they all made me feel comfortable about how they could help him through. The adults at the camp were teachers during the school year, so they were quite used to handling kids of all types and were very confident that they could work with him. And boy, were they right. I can't express how impressed I was with that camp! They kids had a blast taking things apart, building new things, coming up with inventions and figuring out and describing how their inventions would work. They had science labs and made up their own mazes. It was AWESOME! And the director had really good ways of getting the Pookie through transitions and different ways to help him calm down when he was getting overstimulated. It was an absolutely wonderful week, and they kids immediately said they wanted to do it again! Unfortunately, it's only offered once a summer, but I promised them we'd sign them up for Camp Invention the next year.
Of course they went to the sports/play camp again that summer. In fact, they went three weeks to that camp over the summer. One of those weeks, the Pookie wanted to try soccer camp, which is offered at the same place. We signed him up for half days at the soccer camps, and then in the afternoons he went to the sports/play camp. The Pookie also did a half day at the art camp where we had to pick him up early the previous year. My mom picked him up after the morning camp and watched him at her house, while the Pumpkin did two half-day camps that made up a full day. The Pookie took the same class he had the previous year, which was a class where they build with Legos and draw. I had given him the option of taking a half day or staying the full day, and he picked half day. He wasn't sure he could do a full day at the camp, and I'm really glad he did just the morning camps, as I think it showed him he could handle the camp and be successful there. The Pumpkin took the Lego robotics camp and pottery camp, which she really enjoyed. In fact, they both really enjoyed those camps! The last camp they had was a science camp, which focused on the science of being spies! It was fun and interesting.
In addition to the actual camps, we also take the kids down to my inlaws' house every summer (and winter) for at least a week. My inlaws live in the mountains, in a rural area which is very much The Country. The kids get to play in the woods, hang out with their grandparents, aunt and uncles, and their cousin. They live about 5-6 hours away, so we don't get to see them as much as we'd like. That's why the week in the summer down there at "Camp Country" is so important to us. Last year, Londo couldn't go down and I couldn't take off from work, so instead I used their internet connection and worked down there for the week the kids were there. That way, the in laws could spend all day with the kids, but I was still the rule-enforcer about dinner and bedtime. It worked out great.
We are also lucky enough to live about 3 hours from the beach and have a timeshare at a place by the ocean. Not only that, but my parent recently bought a house in another town right by the ocean. If I could, I would live right on the beach. I grew up going to the beach every summer at my grandparents house, and I'm very excited that I can raise my kids with the same opportunity. The first summer of the camps, the timeshare week was before school was out, so we took the kids out of school for that. I had just switched jobs, so I didn't have a chance to take another whole week off. Instead, we went down for weekends to my parents' beach house. Last year, I make a point of saving my work vacation hours up so I could take the kids/family to the beach for two weeks (one week at the timeshare and later in the summer a week at my parents' house). Londo is not as much of a beach person as I am, and he couldn't come for the whole weeks both times, but he came down for about one and a half weeks. We all had a great time every time!
This summer has already started, but I'll save the report till the end of the summer. We are having a great time so far, and everyone is happy. I'm really proud of myself because I was able to plan out the whole summer early. With two summers already under my belt, and color-coded spreadsheets to track the camps (and costs), I knew how much we had to save to cover the summer and what camps I was for sure signing them up for--where they definitely wanted to go back and what they wanted to expand on or try out this year. The Pookie did great in his year of 1st grade, so I had more confidence about his ability to handle full days of camp. And because I knew what we were going to do early, I got the early-bird discounts for all the camps! Also, I was able to plan out our times at the beach and at the inlaws. I'm feeling pretty good about handling this summer break thing! Hopefully, I'll feel the same way by the end of the summer!
The first year, we did a drama camp, a couple of art camps and a general sports/play camp. The Pumpkin tried a soccer camp one week, but it did not really engage her (either because of her age or interest--maybe both). The Pumpkin really enjoyed the drama camp and the art camp, which was no surprise given how much she's always loved drama and arts and crafts. The Pookie struggled a bit with the drama camp, even though his age-group was half art and half drama, and he had a hard time with the all-day art camp (the other art camp was just a half day). I think his issues were due to a combination of his young age (5 years old at the time) and the sensory issues he has. I ended up picking him up early every day from the all-day art camp, and the drama camp let him work by himself on the art parts of the camp even if others had moved on to drama portion. They both LOVED the general sports/play camp, which is just like playing all sorts of games all day long! In fact, when we were coming up to a week I didn't have anything planned and I asked if they want to do one of the camps again, they wanted to go to the all day sports/play camp again. So I signed them up for it again, and they still loved it. They came home happy and exhausted. It was great!
The second year, the kids did the drama camp, an arts camp and the general sports/play camp again. Since the youngest (the Pookie) was now old enough for the STEM camps offered in my area, we added two of those: an invention camp and a science camp. The first week, they did the drama camp, which the Pumpkin LOVED but the Pookie did not. Now that the Pookie was 6, he was grouped with the Pumpkin's age group, and that class was large and did mostly drama. They'd start with art in the morning, which would go fine, but then the whole class transitioned into the big group to work on the play--and this was really hard for the Pookie. He does not do great with transitions, especially ones that involve joining big groups and can seem chaotic. This and similar transitions at that camp were very difficult for him, and by the afternoon he was tired and it was all just too much. He would slip out the door of the big room, not listen to the camp counselors or other people who worked there when they told him to go back, he'd throw fits when he felt forced to do something he didn't want, he tried to leave the building a few times. He could generally manage until afternoon snack time, and then they called me the first two days to pick him up and after that, we worked it out that I (or my mom) would just pick him up then. At the end of the camp day, I would come back for the Pumpkin, who was thriving in the artsy/drama world.
The next week, they had Camp Invention. This was the first year they were going, and we were just coming off a rough week for the Pookie. I was concerned about how he would handle it, but I called the headquarters and talked with them, and the first day of camp I talked with the director onsite, and they all made me feel comfortable about how they could help him through. The adults at the camp were teachers during the school year, so they were quite used to handling kids of all types and were very confident that they could work with him. And boy, were they right. I can't express how impressed I was with that camp! They kids had a blast taking things apart, building new things, coming up with inventions and figuring out and describing how their inventions would work. They had science labs and made up their own mazes. It was AWESOME! And the director had really good ways of getting the Pookie through transitions and different ways to help him calm down when he was getting overstimulated. It was an absolutely wonderful week, and they kids immediately said they wanted to do it again! Unfortunately, it's only offered once a summer, but I promised them we'd sign them up for Camp Invention the next year.
Of course they went to the sports/play camp again that summer. In fact, they went three weeks to that camp over the summer. One of those weeks, the Pookie wanted to try soccer camp, which is offered at the same place. We signed him up for half days at the soccer camps, and then in the afternoons he went to the sports/play camp. The Pookie also did a half day at the art camp where we had to pick him up early the previous year. My mom picked him up after the morning camp and watched him at her house, while the Pumpkin did two half-day camps that made up a full day. The Pookie took the same class he had the previous year, which was a class where they build with Legos and draw. I had given him the option of taking a half day or staying the full day, and he picked half day. He wasn't sure he could do a full day at the camp, and I'm really glad he did just the morning camps, as I think it showed him he could handle the camp and be successful there. The Pumpkin took the Lego robotics camp and pottery camp, which she really enjoyed. In fact, they both really enjoyed those camps! The last camp they had was a science camp, which focused on the science of being spies! It was fun and interesting.
In addition to the actual camps, we also take the kids down to my inlaws' house every summer (and winter) for at least a week. My inlaws live in the mountains, in a rural area which is very much The Country. The kids get to play in the woods, hang out with their grandparents, aunt and uncles, and their cousin. They live about 5-6 hours away, so we don't get to see them as much as we'd like. That's why the week in the summer down there at "Camp Country" is so important to us. Last year, Londo couldn't go down and I couldn't take off from work, so instead I used their internet connection and worked down there for the week the kids were there. That way, the in laws could spend all day with the kids, but I was still the rule-enforcer about dinner and bedtime. It worked out great.
We are also lucky enough to live about 3 hours from the beach and have a timeshare at a place by the ocean. Not only that, but my parent recently bought a house in another town right by the ocean. If I could, I would live right on the beach. I grew up going to the beach every summer at my grandparents house, and I'm very excited that I can raise my kids with the same opportunity. The first summer of the camps, the timeshare week was before school was out, so we took the kids out of school for that. I had just switched jobs, so I didn't have a chance to take another whole week off. Instead, we went down for weekends to my parents' beach house. Last year, I make a point of saving my work vacation hours up so I could take the kids/family to the beach for two weeks (one week at the timeshare and later in the summer a week at my parents' house). Londo is not as much of a beach person as I am, and he couldn't come for the whole weeks both times, but he came down for about one and a half weeks. We all had a great time every time!
This summer has already started, but I'll save the report till the end of the summer. We are having a great time so far, and everyone is happy. I'm really proud of myself because I was able to plan out the whole summer early. With two summers already under my belt, and color-coded spreadsheets to track the camps (and costs), I knew how much we had to save to cover the summer and what camps I was for sure signing them up for--where they definitely wanted to go back and what they wanted to expand on or try out this year. The Pookie did great in his year of 1st grade, so I had more confidence about his ability to handle full days of camp. And because I knew what we were going to do early, I got the early-bird discounts for all the camps! Also, I was able to plan out our times at the beach and at the inlaws. I'm feeling pretty good about handling this summer break thing! Hopefully, I'll feel the same way by the end of the summer!
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Go Outside and Play!
Since having kids, I've heard a lot of people joke about how their parents used to send them outside to play, maybe telling them not to come home until dark. The world seems to have changed, we all lament. Kids have play dates, instead of just going down the street to play with other neighborhood kids. Kids stay inside and play video games or watch TV instead of biking and running around the block. Back in our day, our parents told us to go outside and find something to do!
I don't disagree with any of that, but I remember it a little differently. I remember begging my parents to let me go out and play. We had a swing set and a jungle gym in our back yard. My best friend lived behind me, a quick jump over a low fence with a big rock right at the spot we'd climb over. We had tall trees for climbing and little traffic on the streets around my block. The park with a creek and the pool were right down the street, and more friends were a couple streets over. I always wanted to be outside playing with my friends. My parents didn't need to send me out! There was so much to do outside that I wanted to stay out all day!
I really like the neighborhood we live in now. There are lots of other kids and a nice pool. The playgrounds, however, are only okay. There are some of those plastic contraptions with something to climb up and in and a slide. Even when my kids were toddlers, they got bored on the small playground rather quickly. To get to the swings, we have to walk across the entire neighborhood, which my kids can't do on their own at this point. The neighborhoods just aren't the same these days.
During the years when my kids were babies/toddlers/pre-schoolers, we would go out front to do sidewalk chalk and bubbles, and maybe a few of the kids close by would join, but it was only occasionally and had to be constantly monitored. The next few years, the kids were learning to ride bikes and scooters and the like, but my kids are not ones to clamor to do it on their own and head off around the block by themselves. So it was always a lot of effort on our part to go out and help them and be with them. It's always a good time, but it's more limited time since there are so few free hours we adults seem to have.
Now that my kids are a bit older, they are making friends in the neighborhood and wanting to do things with the other kids. But what are they to do with the other kids?
Well, we happen to have a very large backyard--one of the largest in any of the houses in this neighborhood (or in the nearby neighborhoods). We have plans to build a deck and re-do some of the landscaping at some point, but not for a while. The kitchen windows look right out into the backyard,
We've tried sending the kids out back to play soccer or whatever else, but it never lasts very long. The kitchen windows look right out into the backyard, so I can watch them from inside while making dinner or doing the dishes, so I would like to send them out back more.
So after much research, I have found what I think will be the solution! I found this monkey bars/swing/slide playset! I have read that it goes up to age 12, so we still have a few years that we can get good use out of it--not to mention that I'm pretty sure I will love it and I'm WAY over 12!
It is being delivered today, and we plan to set it up this weekend! I showed the kids before I bought it to make sure they thought they'd really use it, and at first my daughter was hesitant about the monkey bars, since she says she can't really do them. She also asked if I would push her on the swing, since she's not very good at pumping herself. And I'm thinking "Oh, my! We are DEFINITELY getting this now! I can't have kids who can't climb and swing on things!" Those were my staples in play when I was growing up, and I realize it is likely because I had the equipment in my own backyard and went out on it all the time. To her credit, after thinking about it she said she really did want the playset so that she could practice the monkey bars and get better at them. I added she should do that with the swing, too, and she agreed.
I want my kids to be able to go out back and have something right there to play on, something right in our yard so they can't say they are bored and come right back in. I want to give my kids the ability to develop their coordination and sense of adventure! Give them something that will help them grow and try new things and develop their athletic abilities. I want something their friends in the neighborhood want to come over and play with. I want them to have a fun backyard, like I did growing up. I want them to beg to go outside and play, even if I have to cook dinner or do other household stuff.
And I want the ability to watch them play on a summer evening while I sit on the (adult) glider and drink a glass of wine. Maybe I'll swing on some monkey bars, too.
I don't disagree with any of that, but I remember it a little differently. I remember begging my parents to let me go out and play. We had a swing set and a jungle gym in our back yard. My best friend lived behind me, a quick jump over a low fence with a big rock right at the spot we'd climb over. We had tall trees for climbing and little traffic on the streets around my block. The park with a creek and the pool were right down the street, and more friends were a couple streets over. I always wanted to be outside playing with my friends. My parents didn't need to send me out! There was so much to do outside that I wanted to stay out all day!
I really like the neighborhood we live in now. There are lots of other kids and a nice pool. The playgrounds, however, are only okay. There are some of those plastic contraptions with something to climb up and in and a slide. Even when my kids were toddlers, they got bored on the small playground rather quickly. To get to the swings, we have to walk across the entire neighborhood, which my kids can't do on their own at this point. The neighborhoods just aren't the same these days.
During the years when my kids were babies/toddlers/pre-schoolers, we would go out front to do sidewalk chalk and bubbles, and maybe a few of the kids close by would join, but it was only occasionally and had to be constantly monitored. The next few years, the kids were learning to ride bikes and scooters and the like, but my kids are not ones to clamor to do it on their own and head off around the block by themselves. So it was always a lot of effort on our part to go out and help them and be with them. It's always a good time, but it's more limited time since there are so few free hours we adults seem to have.
Now that my kids are a bit older, they are making friends in the neighborhood and wanting to do things with the other kids. But what are they to do with the other kids?
Well, we happen to have a very large backyard--one of the largest in any of the houses in this neighborhood (or in the nearby neighborhoods). We have plans to build a deck and re-do some of the landscaping at some point, but not for a while. The kitchen windows look right out into the backyard,
We've tried sending the kids out back to play soccer or whatever else, but it never lasts very long. The kitchen windows look right out into the backyard, so I can watch them from inside while making dinner or doing the dishes, so I would like to send them out back more.
So after much research, I have found what I think will be the solution! I found this monkey bars/swing/slide playset! I have read that it goes up to age 12, so we still have a few years that we can get good use out of it--not to mention that I'm pretty sure I will love it and I'm WAY over 12!
It is being delivered today, and we plan to set it up this weekend! I showed the kids before I bought it to make sure they thought they'd really use it, and at first my daughter was hesitant about the monkey bars, since she says she can't really do them. She also asked if I would push her on the swing, since she's not very good at pumping herself. And I'm thinking "Oh, my! We are DEFINITELY getting this now! I can't have kids who can't climb and swing on things!" Those were my staples in play when I was growing up, and I realize it is likely because I had the equipment in my own backyard and went out on it all the time. To her credit, after thinking about it she said she really did want the playset so that she could practice the monkey bars and get better at them. I added she should do that with the swing, too, and she agreed.
I want my kids to be able to go out back and have something right there to play on, something right in our yard so they can't say they are bored and come right back in. I want to give my kids the ability to develop their coordination and sense of adventure! Give them something that will help them grow and try new things and develop their athletic abilities. I want something their friends in the neighborhood want to come over and play with. I want them to have a fun backyard, like I did growing up. I want them to beg to go outside and play, even if I have to cook dinner or do other household stuff.
And I want the ability to watch them play on a summer evening while I sit on the (adult) glider and drink a glass of wine. Maybe I'll swing on some monkey bars, too.
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
Being a Bus Stop Parent
I love the bus stop.
I remember before my kids were in the public elementary school, I would drive through the neighborhood in the mornings and see all the kids and parents gathered at corner, waiting for the bus. I would think to myself that it was so nice to see all those neighborhood kids together and the parents talking to each other. That must be how you really get to know the other parents in the neighborhood, I realized.
And I was right!
When we first moved into the neighborhood, I was pregnant with the Pumpkin. Once moved in, we had the first baby... then the second... and our world condensed. Our focus at first was simply on surviving those baby and toddler years! Once the youngest was a toddler, we slowly started looking around. We would go outside to play with chalk or bubbles, and we'd wave and chat with neighbors. The kids would draw and blow bubbles with the kids who lived in the houses right around us. But it was irregular and short.
Once the kids started elementary school, I walked them up to the bus stop every morning. I would see the same parents and kids on the way there. We started chatting regularly, walking together. I even learned which kids went with which parents. And my kids started making real friends in the neighborhood.
Now, after the bus picks up the kids, I often stick around a few extra minutes to chat with other parents. I feel like we keep each other informed of what is going on. Oh, tomorrow the 1st graders need to remember their projects! Today the 3rd graders are doing testing in the afternoon? Tonight is the concert for the 4th and 5th grader chorus? Be careful when you cross that road with the kids, because people speed right through the intersection and almost hit one of the girls!
And I like that I get to know the kids, too. At Halloween, I walked around the neighborhood and really knew the kids who joined up with mine to trick or treat or just to chat. I see the kids at school and realize that the girl in the Pumpkin's after-school activity lives around the corner. The girl two houses down has become my daughter's best friend, and I am able to chat with her parents about what is going on.
I grew up in a very neighborly neighborhood, and I really wanted to raise my kids in similar type of neighborhood. The regular trips to the bus stop have been a wonderful way for me to feel the sense of community around me. We have a wonderful school, and it's great to get to know the kids and their parents better, especially when they live right around the corner. And now that it is becoming summer, we will again run into these kids and parents at the neighborhood pool. Because of the bus stop, my kids will have neighborhood friends to play with and I'll be able to chat with the other parents I've been getting to know, and the feeling of community will continue.
I remember before my kids were in the public elementary school, I would drive through the neighborhood in the mornings and see all the kids and parents gathered at corner, waiting for the bus. I would think to myself that it was so nice to see all those neighborhood kids together and the parents talking to each other. That must be how you really get to know the other parents in the neighborhood, I realized.
And I was right!
When we first moved into the neighborhood, I was pregnant with the Pumpkin. Once moved in, we had the first baby... then the second... and our world condensed. Our focus at first was simply on surviving those baby and toddler years! Once the youngest was a toddler, we slowly started looking around. We would go outside to play with chalk or bubbles, and we'd wave and chat with neighbors. The kids would draw and blow bubbles with the kids who lived in the houses right around us. But it was irregular and short.
Once the kids started elementary school, I walked them up to the bus stop every morning. I would see the same parents and kids on the way there. We started chatting regularly, walking together. I even learned which kids went with which parents. And my kids started making real friends in the neighborhood.
Now, after the bus picks up the kids, I often stick around a few extra minutes to chat with other parents. I feel like we keep each other informed of what is going on. Oh, tomorrow the 1st graders need to remember their projects! Today the 3rd graders are doing testing in the afternoon? Tonight is the concert for the 4th and 5th grader chorus? Be careful when you cross that road with the kids, because people speed right through the intersection and almost hit one of the girls!
And I like that I get to know the kids, too. At Halloween, I walked around the neighborhood and really knew the kids who joined up with mine to trick or treat or just to chat. I see the kids at school and realize that the girl in the Pumpkin's after-school activity lives around the corner. The girl two houses down has become my daughter's best friend, and I am able to chat with her parents about what is going on.
I grew up in a very neighborly neighborhood, and I really wanted to raise my kids in similar type of neighborhood. The regular trips to the bus stop have been a wonderful way for me to feel the sense of community around me. We have a wonderful school, and it's great to get to know the kids and their parents better, especially when they live right around the corner. And now that it is becoming summer, we will again run into these kids and parents at the neighborhood pool. Because of the bus stop, my kids will have neighborhood friends to play with and I'll be able to chat with the other parents I've been getting to know, and the feeling of community will continue.
Friday, June 3, 2016
And a Diagnosis for the Boy
Before the Pumpkin got her diagnosis of ADHD, we had a slightly different evaluation done for the Pookie. The Pookie was evaluated to see if he has Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). He does indeed have sensory issues, but it is not quite at the disorder level.
There were signs of sensory issues since he was a baby, and especially as a toddler.
He always needed strong input to his sense of touch. As a toddler, he didn't just run up and hug me, but instead would throw his whole body into me, full force. Every time. He can't just brush up against something, but bangs into things and people. There is no counting how many times I've had to remind him to "be gentle with Mommy" not because he is trying to hurt me (or anyone), but simply because soft touches don't really compute to him.
He always held his hands over his ears and freak out when there were loud noises, especially sudden ones. This could be difficult to deal with, like in public bathrooms with automated flushers! (I learned to keep a post-it note in my purse to put over the automated sensor while he used the potty, then I'd send him out of the stall before removing the post-it and letting it flush.) There was the jazz-for-kids concert I took them too, where he covered his ears and needed to move to the way back, while I hoped that he/we weren't offending the musicians. And of course the Marvel Universe Live! show we were all so excited about seeing, and within the first 5 minutes of bombs and gun blasts and lights flashing, Londo had to take him out of the entire building. Not just the auditorium, but the entire building! When he needed to go potty, Londo convinced him to go back to the building to use the potty there, but Londo told me that his entire body go more and more tense as they got closer (Londo was carrying him and felt it very clearly).
The lights at the Marvel show were an issue in addition to the noise. Sudden bright lights? Freaks him out. And just in general when there is a lot going on, he is overwhelmed. All those years of tough drop offs are partially to do with his getting overwhelmed when he would walk into a classroom. Too much all at once, especially if a bunch of kids try to run up and greet him. Sensory overload.
And then there is the picky eating. Have I mentioned the picky eating? Huh. I don't think I have. Apparently there is a name for kids who are more than just picky eaters--resistant eaters (it really is a thing). And that is what he is. We have struggled for years with his resistance to try anything new or different, and the handful of things he does eat has dwindled, since he gets tired of foods and/or doesn't like them any more. And no one better dare say to me (again!) that if he's hungry enough, he will eat what we server. Turns out? He won't. He'll just get hungrier and crankier, and I have to deal with that on top of everything else! We've tried a few different approaches and seem to be making progress over the years. It's a taste issue, smell issue (he actually doesn't have a good sense of smell), texture issue and a mouth/tongue mechanics issue.
When anyone says "Smell that!" The Pookie's response is "I can't smell." Not that he can't smell that thing, but he means in general he doesn't really smell things. I don't have a great sense of smell, but I certainly can smell things. He has difficulty either smelling or processing the smells or maybe both. Even when he sticks his nose directly into a flower, he just kind of shrugs like he doesn't really notice the smell.
So that covers the senses, right? Did you know there are a few more? There is also:
- Vestibular - the sense for movement and balance in relation to gravity. This sense tells your brain if you are right-side up, upside down or moving left, right, forward, backward, etc.
- Proprioception - the sense of where your body parts are. This sense is used all the time when you are moving, for example I can walk up stairs without watching my feet because of this sense letting my brain know where my foot is.
- Interoception - the sense for what's going inside your body, such as when you are hungry and when you need to go to the bathroom.
Every one of those senses have all an issue for the Pookie to some degree. They have not been an issue to the degree where he is unable to function in almost all circumstances. But he was having issues in daycare and pre-school, which is when we figured out there is something going on with him.
In daycare, he was just sometimes "difficult" or overwhelmed. But in pre-school, we specifically put him in a pre-school that had a teacher who understood that 4-year-old boys would act like 4-year-old boys! They are active! They like to bump into each other! But by the middle of that year, the teacher pulled me aside and said perhaps there was something more going on. Then things got better... for a while... then they got bad again in the spring. And she pulled me aside again and said she was worried about kindergarten. She recommended that we look into this and try to figure out what was going on with him. When I mentioned we were worried about him being labeled (like with ADHD), she pointed out that if we didn't get him a label, the schools would--and we likely wouldn't be happy with that label (such as bad kid, problem child, etc.).
After getting Londo's buy-in, I went to our pediatrician. While we talked, the Pookie played on the fire engine-shaped examination table, making constant noise and being constantly in motion. The pediatrician asked me, "Is he usually like this?" I looked at the Pookie and said yes, he was. The pediatrician suggested that we get him evaluated for sensory processing disorder, and she gave me some names. (If I haven't mentioned it before, I love our pediatrician!)
There were questionnaires and an evaluation appointment. He has sensory issues, but not quite at the disorder level. We did occupational therapy (OT) for a while, and we learned a lot about sensory diets and ways to calm him down when he was overwhelmed and exercises to help his coordination and crossing the midline and all sorts of things! We bought him special shirts that squeeze his body and fidget toys to help him distract his body so he can focus on learning.
He had an amazing kindergarten teacher, who worked with him and us and the school to put in place a behavioral intervention plan (BIP) to provide goals for him and a path to reach those goals, including tools and accommodations. The teacher and the school met with us and discussed and implemented ideas to help him not get so overwhelmed and to calm down if he got too upset.
He is now in 1st grade, and doing great! Early in the school year, we talked with his 1st grade teacher about his issues and what he might need (fidgets, gum, noise-canceling headphones, a rocking chair for morning meeting/circle time). His teacher uses tools he has seen be successful with kids in his previous classes, and he has also given us ideas for helping the Pookie at home. All in all, the Pookie doing really well with his behavior and in school in general!
He is an amazing, creative kid. He is so interesting and interested in all sorts of things. He is energetic and thoughtful. The sensory issues we can work through. After all, he totally gets it from me! So I understand, and we all work together to get where we need to be in life. Everyone has something, right? Sensory issues? We can deal with that.
There were signs of sensory issues since he was a baby, and especially as a toddler.
He always needed strong input to his sense of touch. As a toddler, he didn't just run up and hug me, but instead would throw his whole body into me, full force. Every time. He can't just brush up against something, but bangs into things and people. There is no counting how many times I've had to remind him to "be gentle with Mommy" not because he is trying to hurt me (or anyone), but simply because soft touches don't really compute to him.
He always held his hands over his ears and freak out when there were loud noises, especially sudden ones. This could be difficult to deal with, like in public bathrooms with automated flushers! (I learned to keep a post-it note in my purse to put over the automated sensor while he used the potty, then I'd send him out of the stall before removing the post-it and letting it flush.) There was the jazz-for-kids concert I took them too, where he covered his ears and needed to move to the way back, while I hoped that he/we weren't offending the musicians. And of course the Marvel Universe Live! show we were all so excited about seeing, and within the first 5 minutes of bombs and gun blasts and lights flashing, Londo had to take him out of the entire building. Not just the auditorium, but the entire building! When he needed to go potty, Londo convinced him to go back to the building to use the potty there, but Londo told me that his entire body go more and more tense as they got closer (Londo was carrying him and felt it very clearly).
The lights at the Marvel show were an issue in addition to the noise. Sudden bright lights? Freaks him out. And just in general when there is a lot going on, he is overwhelmed. All those years of tough drop offs are partially to do with his getting overwhelmed when he would walk into a classroom. Too much all at once, especially if a bunch of kids try to run up and greet him. Sensory overload.
And then there is the picky eating. Have I mentioned the picky eating? Huh. I don't think I have. Apparently there is a name for kids who are more than just picky eaters--resistant eaters (it really is a thing). And that is what he is. We have struggled for years with his resistance to try anything new or different, and the handful of things he does eat has dwindled, since he gets tired of foods and/or doesn't like them any more. And no one better dare say to me (again!) that if he's hungry enough, he will eat what we server. Turns out? He won't. He'll just get hungrier and crankier, and I have to deal with that on top of everything else! We've tried a few different approaches and seem to be making progress over the years. It's a taste issue, smell issue (he actually doesn't have a good sense of smell), texture issue and a mouth/tongue mechanics issue.
When anyone says "Smell that!" The Pookie's response is "I can't smell." Not that he can't smell that thing, but he means in general he doesn't really smell things. I don't have a great sense of smell, but I certainly can smell things. He has difficulty either smelling or processing the smells or maybe both. Even when he sticks his nose directly into a flower, he just kind of shrugs like he doesn't really notice the smell.
So that covers the senses, right? Did you know there are a few more? There is also:
- Vestibular - the sense for movement and balance in relation to gravity. This sense tells your brain if you are right-side up, upside down or moving left, right, forward, backward, etc.
- Proprioception - the sense of where your body parts are. This sense is used all the time when you are moving, for example I can walk up stairs without watching my feet because of this sense letting my brain know where my foot is.
- Interoception - the sense for what's going inside your body, such as when you are hungry and when you need to go to the bathroom.
Every one of those senses have all an issue for the Pookie to some degree. They have not been an issue to the degree where he is unable to function in almost all circumstances. But he was having issues in daycare and pre-school, which is when we figured out there is something going on with him.
In daycare, he was just sometimes "difficult" or overwhelmed. But in pre-school, we specifically put him in a pre-school that had a teacher who understood that 4-year-old boys would act like 4-year-old boys! They are active! They like to bump into each other! But by the middle of that year, the teacher pulled me aside and said perhaps there was something more going on. Then things got better... for a while... then they got bad again in the spring. And she pulled me aside again and said she was worried about kindergarten. She recommended that we look into this and try to figure out what was going on with him. When I mentioned we were worried about him being labeled (like with ADHD), she pointed out that if we didn't get him a label, the schools would--and we likely wouldn't be happy with that label (such as bad kid, problem child, etc.).
After getting Londo's buy-in, I went to our pediatrician. While we talked, the Pookie played on the fire engine-shaped examination table, making constant noise and being constantly in motion. The pediatrician asked me, "Is he usually like this?" I looked at the Pookie and said yes, he was. The pediatrician suggested that we get him evaluated for sensory processing disorder, and she gave me some names. (If I haven't mentioned it before, I love our pediatrician!)
There were questionnaires and an evaluation appointment. He has sensory issues, but not quite at the disorder level. We did occupational therapy (OT) for a while, and we learned a lot about sensory diets and ways to calm him down when he was overwhelmed and exercises to help his coordination and crossing the midline and all sorts of things! We bought him special shirts that squeeze his body and fidget toys to help him distract his body so he can focus on learning.
He had an amazing kindergarten teacher, who worked with him and us and the school to put in place a behavioral intervention plan (BIP) to provide goals for him and a path to reach those goals, including tools and accommodations. The teacher and the school met with us and discussed and implemented ideas to help him not get so overwhelmed and to calm down if he got too upset.
He is now in 1st grade, and doing great! Early in the school year, we talked with his 1st grade teacher about his issues and what he might need (fidgets, gum, noise-canceling headphones, a rocking chair for morning meeting/circle time). His teacher uses tools he has seen be successful with kids in his previous classes, and he has also given us ideas for helping the Pookie at home. All in all, the Pookie doing really well with his behavior and in school in general!
He is an amazing, creative kid. He is so interesting and interested in all sorts of things. He is energetic and thoughtful. The sensory issues we can work through. After all, he totally gets it from me! So I understand, and we all work together to get where we need to be in life. Everyone has something, right? Sensory issues? We can deal with that.
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Still Fidgeting, But Now With Diagnosis
It came as no surprise to me or Londo when we got the diagnosis that the Pumpkin has ADHD. There have been YEARS of high activity, constant motion and fidgeting, impulsiveness, inability to focus, inability to organize, forgetfulness of tasks and trouble keeping her attention on tasks. I had suspected it for a long, long time. I'm not saying all fidgety babies will have ADHD, but my daughter was fidgety and had other signs and does indeed have ADHD.
Not only at home have we seen these issues, but also in daycare and every year of school. In the daycares, the teachers would pulling me aside many times saying how the Pumpkin wouldn't sit down and participate in circle time. I remember thinking that not all kids can sit that long. But then I'd stay and observe, and she'd be the only one not sitting, moving around, finding other things to get into to the entire time the other kids sat in circle time. And then there were her issues with nap time. Nap time? What is that? Oh that time period when my daughter has to stay put for over an hour in a darkened room with nothing to do? Yeah, that generally did not go well.
In kindergarten at the Montessori school, I had to go in to meet with the teacher and the director to discuss the Pumpkin's behavior issues. She is spirited, I'd think, and high energy! Aren't there a lot of kids like this? Well, just like the fidgeting as a baby, some kids are just more high energy than others. And the Pumpkin is a lot more. The Pumpkin needed some special treatment (now I've learned the official word is "accommodations") to get her through the day. The teacher explained she did some research on the internet and found some things she was going to try. Ways to keep her on task, a place for her to take a break and calm down, things like that. She mentioned that she found these ideas on a site about kids with ADHD, but she was careful to add that she wasn't saying the Pumpkin had ADHD and that she wasn't suggesting a diagnosis. Just that they had some good ideas for the Pumpkin.
At the time, I was scared of those four letters. When I was growing up, those letters were just starting to be used, and they meant something was wrong with that kid! I didn't understand what it really meant, and I was scared that my child had something wrong and would be labeled.
We got through kindergarten, and the teacher was great working with the Pumpkin. But now I was also starting to research tips for dealing with high-energy kids, which led me to websites about ADHD. I started reading and learning about it. My eyes were opening, and I was starting to understand what ADHD really means and how my daughter had all the symptoms. Londo still wasn't ready to label her with anything, and I agreed. But boy, those sites helped me understand that she wasn't trying to be difficult or make things harder than they needed to be--her brain works differently from mine and others. For many things, she needs help and guidance, not parents getting mad and yelling.
A few weeks into 1st grade, I got an email from the Pumpkin's teacher asking me to come in and talk about some issues she was having. When I sat down with the 1st grade teacher, she explained to me that the Pumpkin was having issues sitting for long periods, focusing on her work, being easily distracted. As every teacher (or even every adult!) who has had the Pumpkin would say, she is very smart! But... she sure did have a lot of energy! And she wasn't finishing her work. She was distracting other kids. Etc., etc., etc. I explained that I was pretty sure she had ADHD, but that we were not ready to get it diagnosed. The teacher was understanding, and we discussed things she could do in the classroom to help the Pumpkin stay focused and get her work done. She was a fabulous teacher, and we worked with her throughout the year to make sure the Pumpkin had a good year.
And 2nd grade, pretty much repeat the paragraph above... email a few weeks in... meeting with teacher... not ready for a diagnosis... I let the 2nd grade teacher know what seemed to work and not work or stopped working for the Pumpkin in 1st grade. At the parent-teacher conference in November, the report was overall good, but she was still having some problems with focusing and finishing her work. Londo and I talked with the teacher about whether or not these issues were interfering with her learning. She said not at that time. But as the year progressed, the Pumpkin was finishing less and less work in class. She would bring it home, and we'd make her finish the school work with her homework. It was excruciating!
In late spring of her 2nd grade year, the teacher emailed again, saying that the issues were now interfering with her learning. The teacher and we parents tried different incentives, but it was still a struggle for her. Londo and I final agreed that it was time to get her diagnosed.
I remember the day I had my eureka moment about myself, when I realized I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. My entire life felt like it made sense. Just having a name for what had been going on for YEARS made me feel better. I was able to look it up and find ways to deal with it.
I wanted that for the Pumpkin.
I met with our pediatrician, basically saying "You know how we have all suspected she has ADHD? We'd like it official now." The pediatrician, who has been the Pumpkin's pediatrician literally since birth, nodded knowingly and gave me names of people who do evaluations.
That spring into summer, we set up all the appointments for the in-depth evaluations. Her 2nd grade teacher, Londo and I filled in numerous questionnaires about the Pumpkin. She went into the appointments and was tested for ADHD, learning disabilities, IQ, and some other things.
Near the end of the summer, Londo and I met with the woman who conducted the evaluations. She reviewed the final report with us. There was nothing surprising in it to Londo and myself. The Pumpkin is extremely smart, very creative and interesting, and great at verbally communicating. There was no doubt at all that she has ADHD. She did not have any learning disabilities. And she also has a diagnosis for general anxiety. Yes, yes, yes and yes. Londo and I just nodded and looked at each other knowingly.
It helped to have the official diagnosis going into 3rd grade. Our school is really fantastic about how they handle different types of kids and all of their needs. We put in place a 504 plan, which documents the accommodations the Pumpkin needs in order to function in class at the same level as her peers. Having the diagnosis and the 504 plan in place means that what she needs is recorded in official documents so that every year each new teacher will know what she needs. The email from a new teacher a few weeks into a school year won't be needed, because we already have information on record and I will reach out to the teachers ahead of time letting know the teachers know about the diagnosis, that she has the 504 plan and that we will support anything the teacher needs.
Now, a year after starting her evaluation, Londo and I are both very knowledgeable about ADHD. Her brain works differently than (most of) her classmates, and that's okay. As we've talked about with her, there are lots of amazing people in the world who have ADHD (her favorite example I gave was Iron Man, because come on! Tony Stark definitely has ADHD!). Having the letters makes no difference in who she is as a person nor her behavior. She is going to be herself, and we love her for it.
This kid has amazing energy and is interesting and is fun and funny and has so many wonderful qualities. She is still very fidgety, but that is just part of the awesome package that is my vivacious, interesting and awesome daughter. This child is going places in life, and we'll help support her getting there.
Not only at home have we seen these issues, but also in daycare and every year of school. In the daycares, the teachers would pulling me aside many times saying how the Pumpkin wouldn't sit down and participate in circle time. I remember thinking that not all kids can sit that long. But then I'd stay and observe, and she'd be the only one not sitting, moving around, finding other things to get into to the entire time the other kids sat in circle time. And then there were her issues with nap time. Nap time? What is that? Oh that time period when my daughter has to stay put for over an hour in a darkened room with nothing to do? Yeah, that generally did not go well.
In kindergarten at the Montessori school, I had to go in to meet with the teacher and the director to discuss the Pumpkin's behavior issues. She is spirited, I'd think, and high energy! Aren't there a lot of kids like this? Well, just like the fidgeting as a baby, some kids are just more high energy than others. And the Pumpkin is a lot more. The Pumpkin needed some special treatment (now I've learned the official word is "accommodations") to get her through the day. The teacher explained she did some research on the internet and found some things she was going to try. Ways to keep her on task, a place for her to take a break and calm down, things like that. She mentioned that she found these ideas on a site about kids with ADHD, but she was careful to add that she wasn't saying the Pumpkin had ADHD and that she wasn't suggesting a diagnosis. Just that they had some good ideas for the Pumpkin.
At the time, I was scared of those four letters. When I was growing up, those letters were just starting to be used, and they meant something was wrong with that kid! I didn't understand what it really meant, and I was scared that my child had something wrong and would be labeled.
We got through kindergarten, and the teacher was great working with the Pumpkin. But now I was also starting to research tips for dealing with high-energy kids, which led me to websites about ADHD. I started reading and learning about it. My eyes were opening, and I was starting to understand what ADHD really means and how my daughter had all the symptoms. Londo still wasn't ready to label her with anything, and I agreed. But boy, those sites helped me understand that she wasn't trying to be difficult or make things harder than they needed to be--her brain works differently from mine and others. For many things, she needs help and guidance, not parents getting mad and yelling.
A few weeks into 1st grade, I got an email from the Pumpkin's teacher asking me to come in and talk about some issues she was having. When I sat down with the 1st grade teacher, she explained to me that the Pumpkin was having issues sitting for long periods, focusing on her work, being easily distracted. As every teacher (or even every adult!) who has had the Pumpkin would say, she is very smart! But... she sure did have a lot of energy! And she wasn't finishing her work. She was distracting other kids. Etc., etc., etc. I explained that I was pretty sure she had ADHD, but that we were not ready to get it diagnosed. The teacher was understanding, and we discussed things she could do in the classroom to help the Pumpkin stay focused and get her work done. She was a fabulous teacher, and we worked with her throughout the year to make sure the Pumpkin had a good year.
And 2nd grade, pretty much repeat the paragraph above... email a few weeks in... meeting with teacher... not ready for a diagnosis... I let the 2nd grade teacher know what seemed to work and not work or stopped working for the Pumpkin in 1st grade. At the parent-teacher conference in November, the report was overall good, but she was still having some problems with focusing and finishing her work. Londo and I talked with the teacher about whether or not these issues were interfering with her learning. She said not at that time. But as the year progressed, the Pumpkin was finishing less and less work in class. She would bring it home, and we'd make her finish the school work with her homework. It was excruciating!
In late spring of her 2nd grade year, the teacher emailed again, saying that the issues were now interfering with her learning. The teacher and we parents tried different incentives, but it was still a struggle for her. Londo and I final agreed that it was time to get her diagnosed.
I remember the day I had my eureka moment about myself, when I realized I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. My entire life felt like it made sense. Just having a name for what had been going on for YEARS made me feel better. I was able to look it up and find ways to deal with it.
I wanted that for the Pumpkin.
I met with our pediatrician, basically saying "You know how we have all suspected she has ADHD? We'd like it official now." The pediatrician, who has been the Pumpkin's pediatrician literally since birth, nodded knowingly and gave me names of people who do evaluations.
That spring into summer, we set up all the appointments for the in-depth evaluations. Her 2nd grade teacher, Londo and I filled in numerous questionnaires about the Pumpkin. She went into the appointments and was tested for ADHD, learning disabilities, IQ, and some other things.
Near the end of the summer, Londo and I met with the woman who conducted the evaluations. She reviewed the final report with us. There was nothing surprising in it to Londo and myself. The Pumpkin is extremely smart, very creative and interesting, and great at verbally communicating. There was no doubt at all that she has ADHD. She did not have any learning disabilities. And she also has a diagnosis for general anxiety. Yes, yes, yes and yes. Londo and I just nodded and looked at each other knowingly.
It helped to have the official diagnosis going into 3rd grade. Our school is really fantastic about how they handle different types of kids and all of their needs. We put in place a 504 plan, which documents the accommodations the Pumpkin needs in order to function in class at the same level as her peers. Having the diagnosis and the 504 plan in place means that what she needs is recorded in official documents so that every year each new teacher will know what she needs. The email from a new teacher a few weeks into a school year won't be needed, because we already have information on record and I will reach out to the teachers ahead of time letting know the teachers know about the diagnosis, that she has the 504 plan and that we will support anything the teacher needs.
Now, a year after starting her evaluation, Londo and I are both very knowledgeable about ADHD. Her brain works differently than (most of) her classmates, and that's okay. As we've talked about with her, there are lots of amazing people in the world who have ADHD (her favorite example I gave was Iron Man, because come on! Tony Stark definitely has ADHD!). Having the letters makes no difference in who she is as a person nor her behavior. She is going to be herself, and we love her for it.
This kid has amazing energy and is interesting and is fun and funny and has so many wonderful qualities. She is still very fidgety, but that is just part of the awesome package that is my vivacious, interesting and awesome daughter. This child is going places in life, and we'll help support her getting there.
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
I Blink, and Years Have Gone By
So. Here I am again. It's been about two years since I last posted anything, and I am still muddling through this parenthood thing.
I miss writing. I miss recording my kids' lives. I miss writing out the issues we're going through so that I can better make sense of things. I miss thinking about the stuff that happens in terms of stories. So, I'm going to try to start back up.
The Pumpkin is at the end of 3rd grade, the Pookie is finishing up 1st grade. They are amazing, smart, healthy and (I can honestly say) happy children. We have our issues... who doesn't? But I would like to work through these issues and even share these issues with others as we figure stuff out.
Even though I often miss blogging, the thing that gave me a kick in the pants to start again is getting the weekly update from my daughter's class--in reading, they are learning about how autobiographies, journals and blogs communicate information. I read that and thought about how much I wish I was still blogging. Why not make that wish come true? I have the power to do it! And hopefully, I will again regularly record my experiences and their activities.
I miss writing. I miss recording my kids' lives. I miss writing out the issues we're going through so that I can better make sense of things. I miss thinking about the stuff that happens in terms of stories. So, I'm going to try to start back up.
The Pumpkin is at the end of 3rd grade, the Pookie is finishing up 1st grade. They are amazing, smart, healthy and (I can honestly say) happy children. We have our issues... who doesn't? But I would like to work through these issues and even share these issues with others as we figure stuff out.
Even though I often miss blogging, the thing that gave me a kick in the pants to start again is getting the weekly update from my daughter's class--in reading, they are learning about how autobiographies, journals and blogs communicate information. I read that and thought about how much I wish I was still blogging. Why not make that wish come true? I have the power to do it! And hopefully, I will again regularly record my experiences and their activities.
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