Virtual Lunches with School Friends

Today was Day 3 of virtual school. I'm happy to say that it seems to be going well so far. Whew! 

My kids are both in middle school now, so they have similar schedules, which are generally like this: 

• Mondays - Live virtual classes for periods 1 - 4
• Tuesdays - Live virtual classes for periods 5 - 8
• Wednesdays - Independent study all day, with optional check-ins for every period
• Thursdays - Live virtual classes for periods 1 - 4
• Fridays - Live virtual classes for periods 5 - 8

As it is the first week of school, everyone is still adjusting. And the truth is, the mental adjustment is probably the hardest part at this point. My kids have been grumpy and moody. No more hanging out all morning, playing video games for lengthy amounts of time, watching TV, not getting dresses... No more summer break!

We all know the best part about going back to school is seeing your friends. This year, they don't even get to really do that, at least in person. So they have to give up the freedoms they get during summer break, adjust to this new way of "going" to school virtually, start doing school work, and they don't even get to chat with friends in hallways, classes, and the cafeteria! 

Yesterday, the Pookie's best friend's mom messaged me and two other moms about letting this group of friends together for a virtual lunch today. Since Wednesday is for independent study and they weren't on video meetings/classes all day, it was the perfect day to let them get online together to eat lunch and play around. What a great idea! We all agreed and finalized the plan this morning. 

The boys had a great time! At one point, one of the other moms messaged the rest of us saying she just heard the best laugh from her son! We all agreed that it went well, and we plan to let them do it every Wednesday. They may not be in a cafeteria together, but they can at least get on a video call and have lunch and a good time playing around together.   

When the Pumpkin heard that her brother was doing a lunch with friends, she asked if she could, also. She has been communicating with her friends pretty regularly--probably even daily, either through messaging or video calls. But this was different, because it is really about finding a way to replace the cafeteria school lunchtimes. Of course I said she could, and her friends were able to also. And of course they had a great time. I told her she should do it every Wednesday. 

So what if they are technically getting more screen time by being on laptops/phones with video calls. So what if they are eating their sandwiches while sitting on the floors of their rooms and not in chairs at a table. So what if one of our dogs ate the sandwich crusts when one of the kids left the bedroom door open after lunch. They are getting a workable substitution for an important part of the school experience. 

Side benefit: They make their own lunches, so I don't have to pack lunchboxes and make sure they remember them, nor do do I need to clean them out after spending hours in backpacks and lockers!

Ready for Virtual School

Tomorrow is the first day of school for the 2020-2021 school year. My school district originally developed plans for both a hybrid approach of in-person and virtual learning, but mid- to late-summer the numbers were still not looking good and there were too many concerns and unknowns, so they decided to plan for everyone to be virtual at least for the first semester. In either case, we were going to keep the kids home to go to school virtually. 

In order to set up the kids for this, Londo and I talked with them to figure out where they feel most comfortable "going to school" virtually and have set them up with the technology, materials, and space we think they will need. We are planning to support them and the teachers, try to help them stay organized and on task, and guide them with technology and work.    

The Pumpkin is starting 8th grade. She worked with me to come up with a compromise so she could work at the dining room table in way that doesn't completely take over the household space. She is staying at one end of the table, using a mat to protect the table, keeping her supplies in an organizer box, and putting papers in clear filing trays. I even set her up a white board/bulletin board propped next to her. 

The Pookie is starting 6th grade--starting middle school! He likes working at the desk in his room, and we've cleared off space and put what he needs handy on the desk and in the drawers. He also have an organizer to write down assignments, a binder and folders for papers, and his desk has a bulletin board with his schedule pinned to it.

I'm really proud of my county for making the decision and creating plans to provide virtual learning for all kids. They developed a plan they shared not only with the school board but also with the public. Many parents weighed in, and they listened. The school board approved the plans only last week, which is cutting it pretty close, but everyone was prepared to move forward with the plan. 

Londo and I were relieved when we heard the virtual option would be offered if they went with a hybrid approach (we are even happier that they are going fully virtually). With the hybrid model, we would keep the kids home anyway by selecting fully virtual so those who really need to be in person could have more space there. We are fortunate that we are working from home, have good internet, and are able to support the kids. In addition, we want to keep the kids home unless/until there is some drastic change for the better. And I don't mean improved numbers or smaller classes so there can be more social distancing. I mean a vaccine or accurate and quick tests or, I don't even know what else.

My problem with the assumptions people are making about kids and this virus is that there are STILL too many unknowns AND that the virus keeps mutating. So it's not like we know that kids won't get it, won't be that affected, or won't carry it to others. It's that we simply DO NOT KNOW what will happen if we put a bunch of kids together in a school, in classes that change every 45 minutes, in narrow hallways, in places to eat lunch, in the doorways and corridors that everyone uses at the same times all day long. 

Except we do, don't we? Don't we at least have an idea of what will happen? Haven't we seen some examples from other countries and in colleges in the US that have already brought kids onto campus? We know that kids can get and transmit the virus, we are learning that they may quite effective at spreading the virus, and we know that some children can get severely sick from the virus. Personally, I do not expect kids to be able to maintain social distancing in school hallways, I just assume that kids (especially the youngest ones) won't want to wear masks, and I am not at all surprised when college kids go to parties and social gatherings. 

Therefore, it's up to us parents, administrators, government, and other adults to be the adults. It is up to us to keep the kids safe, to make decisions based on the well-being of all of those in our community, and to admit that we don't know how this virus will affect kids, mutate, or cause long-term problems. 

I do not want my kids to be guinea pigs in a potentially devastating experiment. I do not want to chance them in unknown situations with potentially lasting and/or lethal repercussions. I do not want anyone to! 

I feel like we have the technology and capabilities for our kids to learn safely, even if it is not an ideal situation. And even if we don't have the best year of education, even if our kids fall behind a little due to the current crisis situation, I believe kids are resilient and will bounce back from this. But only if they are healthy enough to do so. Only if they don't have to live with feelings of guilt for spreading a virus that kids family and friends, even if they don't get sick. 

We all want things to be back to "normal" and the kids to go back into schools. But wanting something to be doesn't make it so. We should all be planning for the worst, even while we hope for the best. We should all be coming up with inventive plans to deal with the NEW normal. We all need to adjust, adapt, innovate, and maybe even evolve--it's what humans do, in every generation, to survive in new circumstances. 

So tomorrow, we try school in a new way, with innovation and hopefully a lot of patience. 

Why I Cry Every Morning

The other day, my husband was giving the kids a pep talk about mornings. You see, he is awake, ready and out the door before the rest of us wake up. I handle the mornings with the kids (and I still hate my mornings). They are never easy mornings. Londo does everything he can to help without being there, including trying to get the kids to listen to me when I tell them to get ready. During this particular pep talk, he said something that included "so mommy doesn't..." And I piped in "...cry every morning!"


The kids looked a little startled at that, and Londo quickly said, "Mommy is just joking." But later in the day, I let Londo, then the Pumpkin and then the Pookie know that I WAS NOT JOKING! Their behavior has made me get angry and yell and/or (usually and) get upset and cry every. single. school. morning. for the last 3 or 4 weeks. Not. Joking.


Over the years, I've tried so many different ways of dealing with the mornings. I used to try to be fun and race the kids! (They always won, after all I have a lot more to do to get ready.) I have tried charts listed what they have to do. I have tried cajoling, threatening, being sweet, being mean, calmly talking through what is needed, getting everything ready for them, being logical, being methodical, being firm, being easy, being silly, letting my frustration show, yelling, letting them do it on their own, praising their efforts... OMG, everything I could think of!


I even had a whole discussion about how I wasn't the enemy, but rather I was their ally in getting ready in the morning. They HAD to get ready and go to school, and I was the one helping them not forcing them to get ready! That one worked for a little while, but eventually, they became difficult again.


Look, I remember how hard it was to get up in the mornings and go to school. It's STILL hard for me, especially in winters with my SAD. But I have to go to work, so I get up and get ready for the day. The kids have to go to school, so they need to get up and get ready for the day. It just has to be done.


So why do they fight me every step of the way?


My daughter gives me saucy attitude, if she even responds to me. My son is contrary about everything and then says mean things. I start off so nice! I really do! I sit on their beds and speak gently about getting up and what the weather is going to be like. Then I insist a little more firmly that they get up, at least start by sitting up. I remind them that we want to have a good morning, right? So they need to get up and get ready nicely. I give them a little time, while I go back to my room to get dressed or put on makeup. I come back and speak even more firmly about how they need to get up. That I don't want to have another bad morning. So don't wait until I'm yelling, but just start moving now.


At this point, I'm usually getting to the end of my patience. And at this point, they are still sassing me. The Pookie is saying that I'm so mean or something like that. Recently, the Pumpkin has started to just shriek in response to me. No words, just a shriek.


That's when I start yelling. Why oh why must they wait until I'm yelling to do what they are supposed to do?!? I try so hard to get them moving and doing the right thing before I start yelling. But inevitably I end up yelling. Usually, this is when the Pookie at least starts doing what he's supposed to, but depending on what kind of mood he's in, he may throw a little tantrum while doing it. The Pumpkin, however, continues to give me attitude and shrieks. Shrieks! What is up with that?


I get so frustrated, so sick of having to push them, remind them, stay on top of them, fight with them, yell at them. After all, what do they need to every morning that is worth this hassle? Get up, get dressed, use the potty and brush their teeth. That is all. I do EVERYTHING else for them, or at least help them with everything else. And yet, they bitch and moan about the very little that they have to do!


And it's this point, 10 to 20 minutes since first waking them up, that I start to cry.


Once I start crying, the Pumpkin feels bad and tries to do the right thing, usually even apologizing. The Pookie definitely turns his behavior around. But I don't want to be in tears for them to realize that they are behaving badly and treating me poorly. I don't want to go through this every morning!


They treat me like crap in the mornings. They are rude, mean and disrespectful. And I keep coming back for more. If they were anyone but my own children, I would have left them! I'm not one to stick around for any abuse! But it's my own children, and I can't leave them. I understand that it's hard for them--they don't do well with transitions nor do they do well at focusing or getting tasks completed without a gazillion reminders. But the emotional upheavals every morning aren't good for anyone!


So I let them know that they are treating me poorly every morning, and that I will keep helping them, but that they really are treating me poorly. Something has got to change, and soon. Since they are still going to have to go to school on time, something else is going to have to change. Hopefully I'll figure out what soon. At least I know I'm not alone in this frustration that is parenthood.

Back to Schools

Here we are again at the start of another school year. Yesterday was the first day of school, and the Pumpkin is starting 4th grade and the Pookie is starting 2nd grade. They are both still in elementary school, but they are going to different schools this year. That is because the Pumpkin got into the gifted and talented program in our area, and therefore she is bused to a nearby school that has the GT program.


Look, I'm a mom and this is my blog... so I am going to brag just for a minute!


My daughter got into the gifted and talented program! I KNEW she was a super genius! She's always amazed us at the things she does and says and how much she learns and remembers! Super Genius!!!


Now, back to the post...


The Pumpkin is very excited to start this brand new school and be in this GT program, which is a two-year program covering 4th and 5th grade. To help make the transition easier and more comfortable, we went to an open house for the program last Spring, another one last week, a picnic for incoming 4th graders (to the program) last week and the musical that they put on last June. In addition, one of her good friends from her "home school" (the elementary school she'd been going to) is going, as well as two other kids from her home school--and that's just the 4th grade class! She also knows a 5th grader in the program who went to her home school (who's sister is friends with my son). And best of all? My niece is in the program in 5th grade! In fact, when we talked with her about applying to the program, I told her that her cousin goes there and that's what made her say she wanted to apply for sure!


I'd been worried all summer about how I would get the Pumpkin to one of the close schools where the bus would pick her up to take her to her new school and then get back home to get the Pookie on his bus, which would come 20-30 minutes later. But the mom of the girl in 5th grade who's sister is the Pookie's friend worked out carpooling with me, so I think we've got a good plan now.


The Pookie is happy to be going back to school and starting 2nd grade. He has some friends in his new class, and he thinks he's going to really like his teacher. I can see him on the edge of a big leap forward, too, so I'm excited to see what 2nd grade bring with him!


This past weekend, they got some new sporty shorts, new shoes and haircuts. They cleaned their rooms, and we packed their backpacks. By Sunday night, they were ready to start school! I saw them off on the buses yesterday morning, and they were both happy and excited! And when my son's bus left the big bus stop in our neighborhood (our one bus stop fills the whole bus! it's the only stop for the bus!), we parents literally cheered! It was so fun and funny!


So now we are getting back into the rhythm of school, and I'm really ready for it. The kids seem to be, too. Summers are fun, with lots of interesting things to do, but each week is a different place and schedule! It's been really hard for me to juggle it all, especially with work--I often ended up leaving the office early and having to finish working from home in the evenings. But now, I'm back to regular schedules, and the kids are back to regular routines, and life keeps moving forward...

More than Muffins for Mom

We had been talking about Mother’s Day all week, not just because I was excited that this would be my first Mother’s Day when my daughter actually got it. But also because they’d been talking about it at school and making their mothers a present and preparing for Muffins for Moms Day.

At the previous pre-school my daughter attended, Muffins for Moms was really just a bunch of muffins set out on a table in the front hall, where moms grabbed a muffin on their way out the door after dropping off the kids. Sure, it was nice to get a muffin, but that was all it was.

I didn’t expect a whole lot more at this school, But the Pumpkin talked about Muffins for Moms at her school with me a few times, and I told her I was definitely coming.

Friday morning, the Pumpkin started to throw a fit over nothing. It was because I turned on the lights to the kids’ bathroom. Literally, that’s all I did, and she started throwing a tantrum. Ah, The Fours.

So I said to her, “Isn’t today Muffins for Moms day? I think you should be really nice to me all day!”

And do you know what she said?

She said, “Oh, you’re right! Well, I’m sorry I was crying. It was just an accident. I was just upset because I wanted to use your bathroom, not mine. But I should have just told you that!”

I was floored, but I didn’t let it show. I mean, a complete 180 from crying and yelling angrily to a sheepish apology (even if she still doesn’t quite understand what “accident” means)! But I just smiled and said it was okay, and we moved on to her washing up in my bathroom. And yes, I totally reminded her a few other times that morning when she was starting to get an attitude. Every day should be Muffins for Mom day!

But the best part was once when we got to the kids’ school. The Pumpkin and I dropped the Pookie of at his room, and then I took her to her room. When we got there and hung up her things, her teacher explained to me that I should find a seat and the Pumpkin was going to wash her hands and bring me a muffin.

Sure enough, she served me a muffin and then a drink and napkin! She then got herself some fruit (we don’t chance muffins not made in our own peanut-free kitchen) and sat with me. We enjoyed a yummy breakfast together, sitting in her classroom, talking about her schoolmates and the “work” she likes to do (the activities in the Montessori school are called work).

Next, I went to the Pookie’s room. His face light up when I went in! We sat down together and had mini-muffins. Though his teachers served us muffins and juice, he kept going back for more mini-muffins for him and me. That boy sure likes to eat, especially when someone is sitting with him. After we had a few, it was time for his class’s music class, and I got to sit in on it and sing some songs with him. It was super cute a lot of fun.

Then I went back to the Pumpkin’s room because I promised her I would sit with her while she did some work. She was doing a Practical Life activity, which was neat to see. She has such an imagination that she wasn’t just opening and closing different boxes and jars, but she was feeding a mommy and baby spider in those boxes with the spider food in the jars. This girl of mine is so creative!

Unfortunately, she did NOT want me to leave. She clung and cried, but I had to go in for a meeting so I couldn’t stay any longer. It had already been a while. She just enjoyed having me there so much, she was really upset when I left. And that’s why the school doesn’t let parents stay every day. I totally get it. My son was starting to get upset when I left his room too, but his teachers were able to distract him with the music class.

For all you other pre-schools out there, THIS is how you do Muffins for Mom day! I got to spend time with my kids, got served breakfast by my daughter (and she cleaned up after us!), got to see and be part of what they do at school. Not to mention, I got to totally extend Mother’s Day and it’s required nice behavior to mom to Friday, too!

Question of the Week - Halloween Fun

Halloween is my favorite holiday, and since having kids of my own, it's gotten even more fun for me. I don't yet have the time or energy or belief in the consistency of 3.5 year old choice to make costumes for the kids myself, but I do plan on that in the future. For now, we've bought costumes, Londo has put out the outdoor decorations, I've ordered peanut-free candy which has arrived, and we've already done one set of trick-or-treating!

This past Friday, the Pookie's daycare had "trunk or treat" in which a bunch of parents decorated the trunks of their cars, lined them up in the parking lot and handed out candy to the kids who went around trunk-or-treating. The daycare is a nut-free school, so we felt relatively safe letting the Pumpkin go trunk-or-treating with her brother (although not all parents were thorough about the no nuts, included one parent having Reese's Peanutbutter Cups in their bag of candy to hand out! URG!). And the daycare/school didn't mind at all, especially since that is where the Pumpkin went over the summer, so all the teachers and administrative types know her.

I informed Londo that I had signed us up to be one of the cars at trunk or treat and that we were using his car, since his interior is black. Besides, he's the one who does, oh, 90% of all the holiday decorating at our house (that pesky Seasonal Affective Disorder continuously gets in the way of my energy to decorate). Luckily, I long ago infected him with my love of Halloween, and he was on board.

He did a totally awesome job decorating the trunk of our car with all sorts of spooky-but-not-scary Halloween decor, including layering the bottom with orange and black balloons, which all the kids loved. He also played our Halloween playlist through the car speakers, which was a nice touch.

Our kids had so much fun walking around from car to car looking at all the decorations and taking the candy and putting it into their pumpkin buckets. My daughter was a unicorn, and my son was a dragon (although it was a dinosaur costume, it was close enough to call him a dragon). Londo mostly stayed at the car and handed out safe candy. I got to walk hand in hand with my unicorn and dragon and help them pick out the candy, making sure we got lots that Mommy and Daddy like. Heh heh.

I thought the trunk or treat was such a neat idea! We hadn't heard of it before, so it was new and fun for us on my favorite holiday. And this week's question of the week is:

What kind of fun activities do you or your kids' daycares/schools do for Halloween or the Fall season?

My daughter's school doesn't have them dress up for Halloween. But instead, this Friday her after-school care class is doing a Silly Hat Parade! This is another neat idea I hadn't heard of before and can totally get into.

Yesterday, the Pumpkin and I had over a friend and her mom, and we made silly hats out of paper bags. I'd seen the idea before, and then found this website with simple directions. I got some paper grocery bags, pulled out the arts and crafts, including sponge paint and hot glue gun, and we made some awesome hats! I'll try to post pictures soon.

Not only did we have fun making the crafts (my daughter LOVES arts and crafts projects), but she has a beautiful hat to wear on Friday. And for once, I'm not scrambling last minute to get her ready for something at school! I may get the hang of this parenting thing before the kids are completely grown up!

What about you guys? Whacha doing for Halloween or the Fall or as silly artsy projects? Anything good going on at your kids' schools or daycare? Are you planning any good Halloween kids parties in the neighborhood? What's your Halloween fun this year?

Our First Parent-Teacher Conference

We had our first Parent-Teacher Conference the other day. This to me is a sign that the Montessori school is a real pre-school, not just a daycare pre-school, like the Pumpkin's earlier pre-schools were. No, this was a real appointment on a day she had off from school where we sat down with her teachers (in very little chairs) and discussed how she is doing.

And the first thing that her main teacher said was, and I quote, "She's not having as many meltdowns anymore."

Greeeeaaaaaaaat!!!! I believe that Londo and I both put our hands to our heads. We didn't know there were meltdowns at school. Certainly, there's been plenty at home, but you know kids. They don't really talk about what happens at school.

Apparently, she'll get upset about something (mostly minor things, it sounds like), start crying and saying that so-and-so "hurt her feelings." The teachers noted that they don't usually hear that verbalized from 3 year olds. I explained that we'd been working on it with her to combat some mean phrases she picked up at that first school, phrases like, "you're not my friend" and "you're a baby." I also explained that she'd always been verbally and physically advanced, but that she was emotionally very much still three and a half. They assured us that those mean phrases were not tolerated at this school, and that they were working with the Pumpkin to not get too upset over the little things.

But other than that, she's doing great. She likes to watch the teachers give lessons, especially to the older kids for the materials that she's not quite ready for. Then she wants to use those materials, but the teachers explain that she first needs to master the materials leading up to the older ones. That's the Montessori way. They said that she accepts that and moves on to other things.

The teachers and Londo and I talked a bit about how we can't force this child to do things, since that makes her just dig in her heels even more. Her main teacher said that she generally tells her that when she's ready, let her know, and the Pumpkin does. I've used that tactic before with success myself.

She likes the language materials, the puzzles, the steps and blocks, the life skills materials. She is interested and engaged. She is independant and able to roll out her mat and do her work on her own. She is picking up on a lot of the skills the first time she uses the material (SUPERGENIUS!) (You know I had to say it!). The teachers will be sure she moves along at a pace that will keep her interested without overwhelming her.

On a few occassions when I walked the Pumpkin down to her room before class started, I would go into the classroom and talk with the teacher a bit. When I did, I would watch as my daughter quickly went from clinging to me outside the classroom to hurrying off to a table or shelf where she immediately started doing or watching some activity. There was no looking back, no tears, no meltdowns, no running around and getting into trouble.

This is a good school for her. We like the teachers (mostly*), we love the Montessori method. We thought it would be a good fit for her, and we are glad to hear that it is so far.

*There is one that we aren't in synch with, but that's not one of the Pumpkin's main teachers.

Question of the Week - Class is in Session

I'm so excited for my daughter to start at the Montessori school tomorrow! Wait... tomorrow? YIKES! I'm not ready! Hopefully she is ready. At least mentally and emotionally, because I don't have any of her things ready to go with her.

I was going to take her out to get school supplies this weekend, but the Pookie got sick on Friday afternoon so we stayed in pretty much all weekend. Plus I don't even know what she'll need. I feel like I should know, but juggling one sick kid and one kid with pent-up energy has kept me from checking any school lists and ready all the back-to-school information. Tonight is Back To School night, though, so hopefully they will tell me everything I need to know with enough for me to run by a store and pick up last minute things for the first day.

Luckily, the first day on Tuesday is a half day, so I've been figuring we can go together to the store in the afternoon and get anything she needs. I do love shopping for school supplies! It's almost as much fun as shopping for office supplies. Am I right?

Between the Pumpkin starting at a real pre-school and two of my cousins each having a daughter starting college, my head is totally in school stuff. So this week's question of the week is:

What is your favorite aspect of getting ready to start school in the fall? This could be for yourself when you were younger or for your kids.

I think my favorite back-to-school activity was going shopping with my mom for fall/school clothes (which I still haven't done for my kids!). At the end of every summer, she would take us to get new clothes to start the school year. Even the years when my parents didn't have much money, she would save up and we'd look for sales to buy clothes that fit our growing bodies. Those clothes would have to last through the fall and winter seasons, because we didn't usually go clothes shopping again until late spring/early summer to get shorts, t-shirts and bathing suits. And I relished the opportunity to pick out a wardrobe for the school year.

I also loved (and still love) to pick out school/office supplies. All those pens, pencils, notebooks, scissors, papers, post-it notes... and don't forget the backpacks and lunch boxes!

So, what did you like about getting ready for the school year? Was it seeing your friends again? Picking classes when you were an older kid? Doing that fall shopping? Or do you get more pleasure getting your kids all ready? Organizing areas for school bags or homework? Helping them pick out their first-day-of-school outfit? Simply getting them out of the house so you can have some peace and quiet?

Starting School with a Peanut Allergy

Yesterday, I ordered my daughter's medical alert ID bracelet. I ordered her name engraved on the front of the ID part of the bracelet, and on the back, I ordered the following:
Peanut Allergy
Use EpiPen
Call 911 then
Call Dad: (Londo's cell)

I let her pick out the one she wanted, emphasizing the fact that this was a special bracelet which she would wear to school every day. She picked the one with pink hearts and white beads. It's very pretty, and she says she'll wear it and seems excited about it. But it's also so scary to me.

The Pumpkin will be starting at the Montessori school on August 31st. I am excited about this pre-school for so many reasons. I really think the Montessori method will be a good fit for the Pumpkin, and this school really impressed me with their facilities, their program, their teachers and staff, and well everything.

The only real concern I have, and it is a major one, is that the school is not a nut-free school. The Pumpkin will be in a nut-free room, but kids--those young, messy beasts who don't remember to wash their hands or be careful with things--will be bringing their lunches to school. The kids in classrooms that aren't nut free will be bringing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, granola bars with peanuts, trail mix with peanuts, peanut butter to dip veggies in, peanut butter cookies, and all sorts of things processed in facilities that also have peanuts. These items will be in the school, on other children's hands, on the playground, on the handles of doors, possibly in the rooms for shared activities.

I. Am. Terrified.

I'm trying not to dwell on it, cause it could paralyze me with fear if I let it. I'm trying to acknowledge it and plan for it. So I ordered her medical alert bracelet. We have up-to-date doses of the EpiPen for her school. And I'm going to order a few more things, including these fantastic labels for her lunchbox and bags that will make sure everyone knows that she has a peanut allergy (I found those through the Cool Mom Picks Back to School Guide 2010, which has some other really awesome things! You should check it out!).

However, the biggest thing I've been doing is trying to is teach my daughter the words she needs to ensure her own safety. Part of that is making sure she understands that she is allergic to peanuts, that peanuts can make her really sick, that she needs to ask if there are peanuts in food that people offer her or ask if the food was made in a place that also has peanuts. I've been telling her about it in normal conversation. I've been making special points of it when we are out and about, such as a recent stop at a bakery where we asked careful questions to ensure there were no peanuts there at all so she could have a special baked treat. And I've been using play to mimic what I do and she should do, such as when we were playing with dolls and she had her doll offer my doll some cake and I had my doll ask if it had peanuts or was made in a place that has peanuts (thankfully, it didn't, so my doll could have some apple cake!). I'm doing these things over and over again to drill it into her head.

I know this time of year is tough on all parents. We are all scrambling to get the gear our kids need, help our kids understand the transition to school, getting all the paperwork in, prepare to pack lunches, set up areas of the house for school work and notices, and all those millions of other things we do to get ready for school. And that doesn't even touch on the emotional prep we need to do for ourselves (my baby girl is going to a real pre-school, not just a daycare/pre-school!) and our kids.

I just never thought about all the added worry, prep and gear I would need with an allergic kid. I never considered that sending my child to school could be sending her into a danger zone that could have such severe health consequences. I never knew that I would be fighting back panic attacks at the thought of most kids' favorite lunch sandwich. Oh God. I'm having trouble breathing. That's probably irony.

Big Changes in Our Childcare

Londo and I are still working out the resolution to yesterday's Question of the Week/You Be the Parent. Keep commenting away, as we are getting a lot of great ideas and others are too! When we figure out what we're going to do and see how it works, I'll post a resolution.

In addition to the normal chaos of having a 3 year old and a 1 year old, there are some serious changes in our childcare situation over the last week. We've spent months of debating about what would be best for our children, and we have decided the following:

1. The Pookie started in a daycare yesterday. He's turned 1, and this makes the most sense for all of us right now.
2. The Pumpkin is going to "summer school" at the same place where the Pookie is going to daycare, and she started on Monday.
3. The Pumpkin will start in a Montessori school this fall. (I'd start her earlier, but the school is closed from mid-July to the end of August, so there was no point.)

1. The Pookie started at a really nice daycare that I think I'll be very happy with. We let the nanny go. I'm so incredibly sad, since she has really become part of the family. She watched the Pumpkin since she was 3 months old, a few hours every afternoon the first year of her life, and then all day as her nanny for the second year of her life. She's so wonderful with our kids, our dog and cat, our house and us. We gave a glowing recommendation to the family she is interviewing with. We wish we could keep her, but we simply can't afford to have a nanny anymore. To be quite honest, we never could. But we stretched past our means because we felt it was the right thing to do for our kids and their needs.

The Pumpkin was not ready to go to a daycare at 1. She needed more focus, more individualized care, a home environment and one-on-one attention. By 2, she was ready for more activity and more socialization. And just after she turned 2, we had the Pookie, so the nanny stayed with us.

But the Pookie... He is more laid back, less needy and fussy. He has just started to walk, so he is extra clingy (to me especially) lately, but overall does really well around other kids and grown-ups. As a second child, he is very used to having another kid around and having to wait for things. At 1, he is ready for daycare and will do fine.

2. The Pumpkin still needs a lot of focus and attention. Besides being unhappy with the turnover rate of teachers and lack of follow up about the bullying incident even after my talk with the director, I have been frustrated with the lack of general communication from the administration. My daughter needs time to get used to transitions, which means we need to KNOW about upcoming transitions. Like when one of her favorite teachers (she has two favorites) is moved to another room or the majority of the kids in her class are moved to the next class up at the beginning of summer. TELL US what's going on before it happens! Or heck, even after it happens!

The Pumpkin has been acting out lately, and I honestly believe that part of the reason is because of all these transitions which we had no ability to prep for. One day last week? When I dropped my child off? I knew 3 other kids in her class of 25 and NONE of the teachers there! Granted it was a weird day with one teacher on vacation, another one home with a sick kid and the other moved to another room (which she told me about herself, not the admin office). I called after I left to ask what was going on and the front desk woman said that she put out a note explaining... which I didn't get... cause it was on the door... which I didn't see... oh, because she put it up AFTER I dropped my daughter off. I was the last parent to drop my kid off. So how helpful was that?

Anyway, I was so frustrated that I called up the place where the Pookie was going to start daycare. They have a pre-school programs, fun summer activities and a spot available for a 3 year old. We did a trial free day on Monday, and then just kept her there. Yes, we're losing our deposit at the old school, but it's way better for her. And though I was kind of concerned about the sudden transition, I realized that her school was already transitioning her without our involvement by changing the kids and teachers around. I didn't think there was really anything to lose there. And she'd already visited the place when we checked it out for the Pookie.

For the summer, the class she's in has around 8 kids with one teacher. Instead of three teachers doing "crowd control" (my sister's term for the same situation at the affiliated school to the Pumpkin's old school, where my niece used to go), this teacher is able to really see what's going on in the classroom. Without the extra chaos of so many 3 year olds, the Pumpkin seems to be settling down and settling in really quickly and well. And she's having a blast doing the summer activities, like water play and digging through sand for gems!

Plus, one drop off! And the ability to check on both kids at once!

3. Although the Pumpkin seems to be doing well at her summer school, we are going to switch her to a Montessori school this fall. Having looked into different types of preschools, I really believe the Montessori method and this particular school will be the right fit for her. Although the classes will be larger than this summer class and there are mixed ages, they promote the idea of the older kids as leaders who help the younger kids and the kids don't sit around waiting for teachers to direct them in everything. The kids take the lead in what they want to do, with the teachers assisting and guiding. The materials are all very hands-on, which is ideal for my girl.

The school has a real school administration who run things efficiently, communicate and remember what you tell them, and are willing to work with you on any issues. Apparently, those are things that I need in a school. They also have a few options for pickup times, so we can get the Pumpkin by 4:30 and are paying only up till 4:30, as opposed to the price of an all day pre-school/daycare which we've been paying even though Londo usually picks her up before 4:00. (This earlier pickup option is how we can afford the school at all.)

The only negative that I can see so far is that they require tuition payments 2 months prior to the start of school, plus a hefty enrollment fee. So we are paying for three schools for our two children in July and August! There go our savings!

A huge plus is that the Pookie can start there after he turns 18 months, so we've enrolled him for January 2011. He will be in the 18 mo/2 yo toddler room, which cost less than the daycare because it's a mixed age group with 2 year olds. So even if I love his daycare as much as I think I will, I suspect the drop in costs, the sibling discount and going back to one drop off will be worth the switch. I sure hope so, because that hefty enrollment fee I paid to hold his spot is non-refundable!

So we are currently house-poor (still! Thanks, housing-market crash!) and childcare-completely-broke. But I feel really good about these changes. Hopefully, my kids do too.

Talk with the Pre-School Director

Thank you all so, so much for all your supportive comments on the last post. It made me feel so much better to hear what you all had to say, and to hear everyone's emotional reactions were the same as mine. And all your advice and different points of view were simply priceless! Thanks again.

I would have written this follow-up post sooner, but Friday we got a call from the pre-school and my daughter had a high fever. Sure enough, she has the HFMD that her brother was finally getting over. With two sick kids, we had to cancel our drive down to the inlaws, where we were going to visit for the weekend. Instead, we've been taking care of the feverish girl and the drooling boy, while trying to continue the spring cleaning including trying to kill all the sick germs that are certainly EVERYWHERE.

But back to the follow up...

On Thursday after writing the post, in fact it around 5:00, the director of the pre-school called me and left a message. I got it just as I was shutting down my computer and heading out the door. I called her back on my way home. I asked if she had time to meet with me in the morning, and though she said yes, she wasn't going to be there until 10:30. So I then asked if she could meet with me that evening, I could be there at 6:00. She agreed.

So instead of going straight home, I drove to the school and met with the director. I did not want to be confrontational. I went in with the mindset that I needed to explain to her exactly what happened, and we would work together to figure out how to deal with it. I know that this woman is the director of the pre-school because she really, truly enjoys the kids. We picked the school because it was obvious to us that those at a high level (including the director of this location--there are three locations) have thought deeply and care greatly about the care the children receive at the school. So I went in assuming we were on the same team.

The director really was wonderful about the whole thing. After I expressed my sympathies about her mother, who is in the hospital, I told her the story. I told her exactly what I saw, heard and said, which adults I talked to, and the reactions of those I spoke with. As up-in-arms as I am about the whole thing, I'm also pretty understanding. I don't believe the front desk woman realized exactly what happened, nor did the teachers assistant. As I continued to talk with them and the Pumpkin's main teacher over Wednesday and Thursday, I believe they started to understand what happened and why it was so upsetting. But it's the director who has the most influence, which is why I was insistent on meeting with her.

She listen to everything I said with sympathy and understanding, taking notes here and there on what we call in my world "action items." I also told her about the incident that happened when the Pumpkin and I were visiting right before she started school there. I noted that it wasn't just striking out in anger that was the problem with these incidents. It was the aspect of more than one older kid (or simply kid) gaining up on one other child physically and verbally. It is the aspect of bullying, which is so in the news lately, that was the bigger issue. I said all those things, and then said to her that I know she does not want bullying to be an issue at her school, because I truly know she does not want even a single incident.

I asked her if bullying is in the curriculum, and she explained that it is for the older kids (they have before and after school programs for elementary-aged kids). For the pre-school kids, they don't want to give it the name "bullying" because that gives it more power. I absolutely agree with that, but I pointed out that they still should address "picking on" other kids. At that, she made another note, so I'm confident that they will address that.

We talked about keeping the older kids and younger kids from being on the playground at the same time, though I again expressed that this was only part of the issue. She said that she and the front desk lady would do more spot checks to add extra eyes to the playground and ensure the teachers were not just sitting around chatting with each other and missing important interactions on the playground.

I requested that she let the parents of the three kids know what happened. I told her that as a mother, I sure as heck would want to know if my kid was picking on someone else. And I know their policy is not to name the other kids involved in any incident, but I told her that she could let the parents know they could talk to me about the incident if they wanted. Because I don't blame the kids or the parents or even the school. This is they type of thing that happens, and it is up to all us adults to watch for incidents and guide the children involved onto the correct path of behavior.

We also talked about how they discipline at the school. Generally, they give one warning and then the child "takes a break" on the bench in the front office. She said there is some flexibility to that, depending on the context of the incident as well as the child and the child's temperament and previous behavior. I remember that when the Pumpkin hit another girl (because she was mad she took a toy from her), the teachers were so surprised that she had done something like that (it was a first for her) that I don't think they brought her to take a break but just talked to her about it.

Generally, I think they have a good approach to this. I think. I believe in giving second chances, but still enforcing the rules. However, in cases like gaining up on someone or intentionally picking on someone (i.e., bullying), I think the children involved should be immediately taken to have a break. The director didn't specifically say that was the case for such an incident, and I didn't push it because the incident would have had to been caught at the time anyway.

I did touch on the teacher turnover in the Pumpkin's class, but we had previously discussed it and there really wasn't more to say. She had previously told me that they were just trying to find the right team for the children. I know there is not the same rate of turnover in the other classes, so I'm hoping that it will all settle down soon. I also didn't bring up the long hours of the teacher's assistant, because I didn't know if she was telling me in confidence. (I had asked her to please please let me know if she was planning on leaving so we could be prepared for the Pumpkin, since the Pumpkin loves her so much. It's felt like the other teachers have just disappeared.) This could have been her way to warn me that she was looking at leaving. And if that is the case, then I'm taking my girl out for sure.

We are still looking at other places. We are almost surely going to put the Pookie into a daycare after he turns 1, so it would be ideal to take them to the same place. The Pumpkin's current school does not take kids under 2. But in addition, I'm still not sure about this school for my girl.

My sister's daughter went to the sister school in the next town over. My niece did great in the 2 year old room, but when she moved up to the 3 year old room she had difficulty. They found a really great place that she is now loving. My niece is a very different child than mine, but what my sister said stayed with me. She said it was like the difference between a public school and private school. I have been to both, and I have nothing against either. But in private schools, the teacher to student ratio is usually smaller, and the teachers are generally more able to work with each child's personality. This is something we really need to consider given the Pumpkin's spirited personality.

I think I'm rambling. I'm tired from dealing with sick kids, and the baby is now up from his nap and crying. I think I touched on everything, but if I remember anything else I will add it.

Unfortunately, I still can't get the image out of my head. I'm working to replace it with other images, but it's hard. And I still kind of want to kick those kids in the butt.

How Bullying Begins

I think I'm finally ready to write about what happened the other day. In fact, I think I need to write about it now. It's long and emotional, but I could really use some support and thoughts.

Before I start on that, I want to mention that the Pookie been pretty sick. He has an ear infection in one ear and coxsackievirus (hand, foot, mouth disease (HFMD)), which is making him pretty miserable all over. Especially in his throat, where he has sores from the HFMD, and ear. He's been pretty miserable, which has affected the rest of us, of course. So that's been going on and keeping me in a pretty constant state of worry.

On to my story...

Londo had to work late on Tuesday and Wednesday, so I left work early to pick up the Pumpkin from school. When I got there on Tuesday, I knew that her group was outside. As I walked up the steps to the front door of her school, I excitedly looked around for my cute little girl in her red and white checked shirt and jeans. There she was, by the infant swings in the corner of the large play yard by the stairs I was walking up!

I noticed that a boy and two girls were standing around her in a semi-circle. Then, I saw the boy kick her in the butt.

I was surprised, and walked to the side of the stairs closer to the fence, trying to figure out what was going on. Were they playing a game or something?

Then one of the girls said, "Yeah. Kick her! She's little!"

(Give me a second, while I take some deep breaths.)

The girl raised her foot, and I immediately said loudly, "Hey! Hey! Hey! No kicking! Don't kick her! Why are you kicking her?"

The kids stopped and looked up at me. One girl said, "Because she's little, like a baby!"

When my daughter is taking in new information or a new experience, she gets a blank look on her face. I learned early on that she was still paying attention to everything. She is just processing what happened or what you are telling her and trying to figure out how to respond. She usually doesn't respond until later, once she's processed the experience and information and has had a chance to sort through her feelings on the matter.

That was look on my daughter's face during this incident. I realized that I could not go on my instincts, which were to jump that fence and show those kids who was really little! I needed to model the type of response I want my girl to have, so she could process that and see how to respond.

So I said, "She is NOT little! She is a big girl. And there is NO kicking!"

The kids then started talking about something else, I don't even know what because I was LIVID and not hearing well. I just gave some "oh really?"s while watching my girl and making sure the others were no longer circling her. The situation was diffusing when one of the Pumpkin's teacher noticed me standing there talking to the kids and came up.

When the teacher said something like, "Oh, it's your mom" to my girl, she took a couple steps towards me. But you can't go through the fence there, so I said to her, "I'll be right there, honey. I have to go through the building."

Now that there was a teacher there, I went inside. I immediately told the woman at the front desk that a boy just kicked my daughter and that another girl called her little like a baby. The front desk woman asked if a teacher was there, and I said she was now. Then, I hurried outside.

When I got outside, the teacher was off herding other kids. That's when I fully realized that she must not have seen what happened. I quickly went up to my girl, and the other kids were still in that area, and they started talking to me about the infant swings being for babies, and one girl liked my shows, etc. My girl was pushing one of the empty swings, still not engaging with the kids, and they weren't really engaging with her. But it was back to normal playtime behavoir.

Once I was sure everything was fine and one of the kids had run off, I told the Pumpkin that I was going to let her teacher know we were going, and then we'd need to leave. I went up to the teacher and told her what had happened. She hadn't seen it. We talked a bit about the name calling that's been going on in the Pumpkin's class and how they are working on it, and that we are working on it at home. Then the teacher (who is really a teacher's assistant) said that she's been working 70 hour weeks, that they don't have enough teachers (they've recently had a bit of turnover in the Pumpkin's class), and that the class had gotten large. She said it is hard especially on the playground to watch all the kids. So, there's that.

But, this isn't the first incident I've seen involving my child getting picked on by (slightly) older kids on the playground (it's in the Update section of this post), and neither incident was seen by a teacher. If I hadn't been there, would any of the teachers have noticed what was going on? It's very rare occassions that I'm at the school while her group is on the playground, yet twice I've seen her get picked on by more than one older kid, which the teachers didn't see. What else is going on that the teachers are missing?

This incident is especially pissing me off making me see red bring out the mama bear troublesome to me. It's not like this was simply a matter of one kid getting frustrated, not using words and hitting another. That has happened a few times, including my kid doing it. This was three kids around my kid picking on her.

That is the start of bullying. I will NOT tolerate that, and neither should the school.

On the way home, I had the following conversation with the Pumpkin:
caramama: You know no one should kick you and you shouldn't kick others, right?
Pumpkin: Right. No kicking.
caramama: What do you do if someone kicks you?
Pumpkin: I say, please do not kick me.
caramama: That's a very nice and polite way to ask them to stop. But what if they don't stop?
Pumpkin didn't know how to respond.
caramama: You tell them firmly, do not kick me. It's not nice.
Pumpkin: Do not kick me. It's not nice.
caramama: But what if they still don't stop?
Pumpkin: I tell the teacher.
caramama: That's right! You tell the teacher.

We went through the same with hitting and name calling, although it got tricky with the name calling cause how do you explain the nuances of calling people silly names for fun as opposed to being mean? She currently likes to say "You're a pickle" both to be silly and when she's mad (though it's definitely an improvement over "You're a baby"). She's picked up the name calling and saying, "You're not my friend" from school. We are working on it at home, and I saw on her daily activity sheet that they are working on the "You're not my friend" at school.

But bullying? Especially physically bullying? Unacceptable!

The next morning, I looked for the Director, but she wasn't in. I called after I got to work, and the front desk woman said she was out for the day with her sick mom. I told her who I was and that I wanted to meet with the Director to talk with her. I'm absolutely positive that the front desk woman knew what it was about.

When I went into the school to pick up the Pumpkin yesterday (it was too rainy for the playground), the front desk woman told me that she talked with the teacher who had come up to the kids when I went into the school. She said the teacher said it was the kids from the next class up, who shouldn't have been out there with the younger class. She said that they will make sure that the older kids go in before the younger ones come out. She said this as if that solved the issue. It doesn't.

I told her that while one girl was from the older class, the boy (T) had only recently moved from the Pumpkin's class to the older class and the girl (M) was still in the Pumpkin's class. She said, "Oh really? I didn't realize that." I asked if they were going to file an incident report. She said that an incident report was only for if they were hurt, and the Pumpkin wasn't hurt. I was surprised and said, "Well, T did kick her! Besides that, they were surrounding her, picking on her." The woman said that they do have behavoiral reports, but I'm not sure if she said she would file one.

Then she said, "Well, I'll talk to M's mom about this." I said, "And T's parents?" She said, "Oh, yes. Them too." I said, "And I don't know the other girl's name, but her parents too." If it was my kid behaving like that, I'd sure as hell want to know! I'd make sure we immediately started addressing that and nipping it in the bud!

When I got to the Pumpkin's classroom, her other teacher asked me what happened, and I told her. She said she would like to address appropriate behavoir on the playground, which is fine. I suggested they also talk about bullying. We went on to talk about some other things.

This morning, I reiterated to the front desk woman that I wanted to talk with the Director. I told her I appreciated how she was handling it, but I wanted to be sure to discuss my concerns with the Director.

I know the teachers can't see everything, but I feel like too many things are let go or slide at the school. Is it unreasonable of me to expect that the teachers and staff are more on top of the hitting and name calling? That they nip this type of behavoir in the bud early, since it catches on so easily at this age? That they take the intiative to talk to all parents involved? That they should have immediately gone and talked to T at the very least when I said that he had kicked the Pumpkin?

What are other daycares and preschools like? Do you all have these sorts of issues, and if so, how are they addressed?

I do know that some of this behavoir is normal for this age. But... let me just say this:
If you saw your kid getting circled by other kids who start to physically abuse her and call her names, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? WHAT WOULD YOU DO? This is an image I cannot erase from my head, and I'm very often on the verge of tears and rage!

As we neared our house after the incident, after we had been through what she should do if kids kicked, hit or called her names, we were quiet a moment or two, then she spoke up:

Pumpkin: That boy kicked me.
caramama: Yes, he did. And he shouldn't have.
Pumpkin: T kicked me.
caramama: Yes, he did. And that was not nice.
Pumpkin: He shouldn't have kicked me. That was not nice.
caramama: That's right.

She is taking it in, processing it, storing it for later. Though I can't erase the image from her head either, I hope that she is able to learn how to stand up for herself. I hope she is able to learn empathy for kids who are younger, smaller or being picked on. I hope that she remembers how I stood up for her, the way I remember my mom running up the street to yell at two boys who were throwing acorns at me.

I also hope that the school will learn something from this and make improvements in some ways that will benefit all the kids who go there. Meanwhile, I'm looking into other pre-schools.

Pre-School is Pretty Cool

The Pumpkin has been going to pre-school for almost two months now, and things are going really well! She seems to love the environment, the activity, the other kids and the teachers. Drop-offs did indeed get easier, and now she just calls out, "Bye, Mommy!" as she goes off to play and I leave.

(Of course now I've totally jinxed it, just like I did when I wrote about how the Pookie was doing pretty well with sleep... RIGHT BEFORE THE FOUR MONTH SLEEP REGRESSIONS!! What was I thinking? It's all a mess now, and I'm exhausted again still.)

Over the last week or two, I've been working to refine our morning routines. Ideally, I need to wake up at 6:30 to start getting ready hopefully before the kiddos wake up. Unfortunately, the Pookie is in a sleep regression (see paragraph above) and I'm not able to get up at 6:30. I generally get up when the Pumpkin comes in the room in the morning, generally after 7:00. In fact, if it's before 7:00, I tell her she has to lie quietly until after 7:00, and that actually works!!! But then it's all rush rush rush to get myself ready for work, the Pumpkin ready for school and the baby entertained and his bottles ready for the nanny. We're getting better, and I have hopes that soon we'll even leave as early as I really need to so I can get to work at a reasonable time!

She's not napping at school. She was occasionally in the first month, but then we switched her to the next group which has late 2 year olds and early 3 year olds. Apparently she's not the only one not napping, unlike the first group with younger 2 year olds. But we are okay with this. We long ago gave up on naps on the weekend, and we learned that it is easier to get her to bed at night. So now we've moved up her bedtime and she goes to sleep pretty quickly and easily. It's a nice change for all of us!

She comes home with art projects all the time. When I ask her on our drive in what she thinks she's going to do at school today, she happily exclaims, "I'll do art!" We do some art at home, like coloring or Playdoh or those markers that only draw on special paper. Though I love arts and crafts, it seems like such an effort to set up and clean up the more messy projects. But she gets to do it as school, so that's okay.

Yesterday, I went with her on her first field trip! It was to a farm where we got to pet animals, take a hayride and pick out pumpkins. It was a lot of fun, but it was especially neat for me to see how she interacts with her friends at school. As far as I can tell, she gets along with everyone. She makes silly noises with one boy, holds hands with another girl, runs off with another boy and generally plays with whomever is by her. Londo and I are pretty much the same way, but it's neat to see that she is as well. The mom of the girl who was holding hands with my girl is going to invite us over for a play date, and I'm so excited, partly because it means a new friend for me too!

So we are having a good experience with school so far. Of course I worried about her starting school, but the Pumpkin has adjusted beautifully. It was definitely the right move to make for her.

Question of the Week - Starting School

Update below

Next Monday, the Pumpkin starts pre-school. I'm excited and nervous and everything in between. She seems excited, and she tends to handle big changes pretty well (like when we stopped nursing, moved to the big girl bed, moved into her big girl room, brought home her baby brother, etc.). But starting school is going to change her entire day, her normal routine that she's had for a year and a half with the nanny.

We are going to have to get up and ready in the mornings, drive her to the preschool and leave her there. I truly think she will thrive in such a social environment, but I am worried about how she will adjust to structure, especially on the days when she is being particularly Two-ish.

So this week's question of the week is...

How did you adjust and help your child adjust to major changes in your child's normal, day-to-day routine(s)?

This morning, we are going to visit the school again. She'll get to play a bit in the room she'll be going to be in. I will get to talk to the teacher(s) and pick up the Parents Handbook (we had a copy, but it's been lost in our having-a-new-baby stupor).

We've been talking up her starting school and pointing out who on her TV shows goes to school. We took her to the store and let her pick out a backpack over the weekend. (Of course, she picked one with Dora and Boots on it, which is against my whole minimizing the marketed material, but she kept picking that one when I offered others. Finally, I just had to let it go. We told her she could pick, and she did. I might not like it, but she really seems to love it.)

We are not adjusting her napping in any way. She still drinks about 3 ounces of milk from a bottle while the nanny (or us parents when we try--and fail) lies with her until she falls asleep. I'm of the mind set that it will be an entirely new environment, so everything can just be different starting next Monday.

What did you do to get ready for a big change like that?

And does anyone want to give me any advice for starting school? I read the comments on Ask Moxie about this same thing, but I would love any additional thoughts!

Update:
We are back from visiting her school. We stayed almost an hour, and we were outside on the playground just about the whole time. She loved the playground, and I got to chat with the teacher about what she will need to bring and how they do things. I also got to tell the teacher a little bit about her. I feel it's very important to tell/remind people that even though she is tall, physically capable and very verbal, she is still just 2. Three of the Pumpkin's cousins are a year older, and often my family and friends forget that she is a year younger and not developmentally where they are yet. It's easy to forget when you see her running around with older kids.

Which brings me to the hardest thing I think I've written yet...

The Pumpkin was off playing on one of the jungle gyms while I was talking with the teacher. I was just wrapping up what I was saying, and we were heading over to her. I noticed two boys from the older room (I think 3 but maybe 4 years old) were talking to her. Then, one slapped her hand!!!

I very calmly said, "Hey, no hitting!" The two boys moved a step or two back from her. The Pumpkin's face fell, and she started crying. I reached her and hugged her. The teacher asked what happened, and I told her one of the boys slapped at the Pumpkin. The teacher asked which one, and the boy who didn't do it said the other boy's name. The boy who had slapped her hand said it was because she was in the area where they wanted to go play. I held the Pumpkin while the teacher explained that she was just two and he shouldn't hit and he should say he was sorry. I was explaining to the Pumpkin that the boys wanted a turn to play, though we know it's not okay to hit. He said sorry. But you know, kids. Do they even get it?

Sounds like it all went okay, right? But inside I'm DYING! I was able to wait until I was home and alone in the bathroom to start crying. We weren't even there an hour! Already, she got hit by some other kid. The teacher hadn't even seen it happen because she was fixing another kid's shoe.

I know what must have happened. The boys must have told the Pumpkin to move, but she didn't get what they wanted or simply was getting ready to do it--or not do it. She takes things in and takes time to adjust to doing what other people want her to do. She generally complies when other kids ask her for something or want her to do something, because she's good about sharing and likes to make other kids happy. But those boys don't know that. They don't know that she probably didn't even understand what they were asking her to do or that they wanted her to move right away. They might have not realized that she was as young as she is. And when kids don't get what they want, many can't resist the urge to hit or bite or shove or whatever.

But that was my little girl! Sure she was fine a minute later, but I am already traumatized. How do I do this? How do I let her go off to school? She's only 2! And she is so wonderful. Will they see that? Will they all realize how special she is? How sensitive she is? How deeply she feels things? Gah!!! I know I'm still totally hormonal with the postpartum, but I don't know how to do this. I've never really had to let go of my children yet. How do I know she will be okay? How can I be okay with it?