Baby Sleep Boot Camp, Part I

So this weekend, we had Baby Sleep Boot Camp. And let me tell you, it went pretty well! But let me start at the beginning.

We don't just sit around and complain about our crappy sleep in my house. I mean, we do, but we ALSO try to do things to improve it. With the Pumpkin, we tried just about everything except full-fledged cry it out (CIO). We did try some fuss it out (FIO), but sleep training along those lines simply was not right for the Pumpkin. We long ago came to the realization that she was not born with any self-soothing skills. She would be calmed only by a person holding her/lying with her/rocking/etc. The times we let her cry of fuss for a while were disasterous. Crying only increased her tension. But whatever, we have figured out what generally works for her, and it's been generally fine.

Then the Pookie was born into our lives, and our nights took on another layer. Not only does this boy simply LOVE to nurse, but as an infant it seemed to be the only was to get him to sleep. We did see that he had potential to be a better sleeper, including some ability to self-soothe and sometimes take a pacifier. He has a different personaly and different issues than the Pumpkin. And we figured out what generally worked for us.

Until recently. Recently, what was working is no longer working. For the Pumpkin, for the Pookie, for Londo and for me.

It appears to me that when the Pookie goes through a growth spurt, he starts nursing a lot more at night. For a while, he was waking up every hour to nurse. When he recently went through the 6 month growth spurt, he started basically nursing all. night. long. I thought it might be the teething or the comfort or whatever else, and I tried just cosleeping with him thinking the nearness was what he needed. And some nights it was okay. But more and more, he was nursing all night. I generally don't have a problem cosleeping, but I am apparently not good with all-night nursing. I am not able to get any real sleep when he does that.

After almost 7 months of very little in the way of decent sleep, including only a handful of times sleeping longer than 2 hours in a row, something was about to give. It was most likely my sanity, which is hanging on by a thread. It was time to close the all-night mommy milk bar and in. But I was having trouble doing that while cosleeping. Also, I was having a lot of trouble getting him off the nipple. Every time he fell asleep and I popped my nipple out of his mouth, he'd wake up and fuss around trying to find it. This was making it harder and harder to put him down in his crib, where I'd been starting him off for the night in his nursery because I need just a little time for myself and for the dishes and such.

Right when I was about to completely lose my mind, my brother's wife made the most awesome offer. In a pay-it-forward gesture, she basically insisted on coming over one night a week to take nighttime duty. Her twins are 3.5 years old and have been sleeping through the night for a long time now. When they were babies and she wasn't getting much sleep, one of her friends came over one night a week and did the same for her.

Londo and I quickly told her we'd take her up on the offer, but first we had to do some work to get the Pookie ready for someone else to put to bed/get back to bed.

So a week ago Sunday, I started changing the pattern of putting him to sleep and trying to set some time limits between his feedings. I started by feed him with the lights on at bedtime. After he was done eating, I would change him and wrap him up in his swaddle (yes, he's still swaddled, something we are going to work on soon). Then I would walk with him, bounce him or rock him to sleep. I decided that I would reserve the rocking chair for nursing in order to establish cues for when he's getting fed and when he is not. So when I'd rock him to sleep, it was on my lap sitting on the bed in the nursery. I also tried to give him the pacifier, which he would take about half the time.

The first night, he was full and content and fell asleep pretty easily. The next four nights, it was like he figured out what was going on and wasn't happy about it. He fussed and cried and squirmed and fussed some more. One night wasn't so bad, but then the dog made a big noise and started him awake, and it took almost an hour to get him back to sleep. BUT Friday and Saturday night, he feel asleep pretty easily while I was walking him. I'm talking within 5 minutes, with a pacifier, fast asleep. I put him down, and he stayed asleep.

I've been amazed! It's like the whole sleep training thing really does work for some kids!

The other aspect of our prepping this week was that I wanted to wait 2 hours between feedings. So if he woke up and it had been less than 2 hours since I feed him, Londo or I would go in and walk him, rock him or bounce him. If he kept crying for an hour, I would go ahead and feed him (because it would have been about 2 hours at that point anyway, and he would have worked up an appetite by then even if he hadn't been hungry originally). At this point, I would let him fall asleep nursing and put him down asleep.

After 11:00 or so, I was tired and would just nurse him cosleeping. I tried to put him back in his crib a few times, but he would wake up and fuss and I didn't have the energy to walk him back to sleep.

But we had moved forward into new territory. He was falling asleep better and starting to figure out how to fall asleep without being nursed. And Saturday night, we were going to start Baby Sleep Boot Camp!

Story continued in Baby Sleep Boot Camp, Part II

She Runs Hot and Cold

After another fabulous night in the caramama household (you all know that's sarcastic, right?), my daughter woke up grumpy. This is not unusual lately, as she is going through some lovely stage of Twoness/almost-Threeness where tantrums abound and rudeness is unabashed. I'm exhausted and depressed (I do so hate the winter), but I'm trying really hard to get up every morning and get myself and the two kids ready for the day. So far, I've been able to do it every weekday (and Londo gives me some weekend days off from morning duty).

But this morning... This morning when I finally got out of bed because both kids were up, we all were in my bathroom starting to get ready. Well, the Pumpkin was playing with the Pookie while I was starting to get ready. I don't remember what set her off--could have been anything, and was probably the mention of needing to change her diaper/pull-up--but the Pumpkin started to fuss and cry and generally begin tantrum behavoir.

I did my usual I'm-here-when-you-are-ready-to-talk thing, but she started telling me to "Go away!" This started a few weeks ago and is now a regular part of her tantrum repetoire. I usually ignore it and go about my business. But this morning, she wanted me to "Go away!" from my own bathroom as I was washing up. That was NOT going to happen, which I explained.

She spent the next 10 minutes or so telling me to "Go away!" or "Leave me alone!" while I continued to get ready. I could just feel the love. Luckily, I don't take offence at this behavoir, but it is still frustrating.

Now, let's fast forward through another meltdown when her pull-up leaked and I had to wash off her legs, move straight through the improving mood as she picked out something to wear (out of options I gave her), and even beyond the smiles we had when I carried both kids downstairs at the same time and laughs at breakfast over the spoon "jumping" into the yogurt cup.

Let's skip to my favorite part of this morning. When the Pumpkin and I finally got into the car and were driving to her school, she asked me, "Mommy, are you my best friend?"

Another phrase she recently added to her regularly-repeated-phrases-depending-on-her-mood is "Are you my friend?" We are all friends in our house. And yes, you can have more than one friend. And yes, we regularly check that everyone is friends with everyone else in our house.

But this was the first time I'd heard her ask if I was her "best" friend. I don't know if she truly gets what it means, but I sure do. So of course I answered, "Yes. I'm your best friend. And you are my best friend." I smiled at her in the rearview mirror, and the smile she returned to me could have light up the entire planet! It surely melted my heart into a puddle of goo.

That's one of those moments that I'm talking about in my header. That's one of the "beautiful shining moments" that I live for. An impossibly bright smile from my best friend.

Nighttime Mother

Originally written in November 2009

She shuffles into the room
with sleepy eyes and a hacking cough. Without a word,
she climbs into our bed, around the dog, and flops
down between her father and me. On my other side
is the baby boy, stirring but drifting
back to sleep.

Her cough is keeping her
awake. She coughs so hard, she throws
up. Now, we are all awake.

We remove the pillow, do some basic
wiping up, make sure she doesn’t have any
on herself. Everyone settles back in. She
snuggles into my side, the baby nursing on my
other side. I bask in the feeling of being mother.

Later, the baby is fussy. I put him in the swing and get
back in bed. She climbs on top of me, laying her
entire body on mine, her head nestled under
my chin, her arms
drapped
on either side of me. Her legs
stretched
along mine.
I wrap my arms around her, and I think
how her entire body once fit
inside of mine.

We drift back to sleep,
entwined together,
mother and daughter.

Question of the Week - Resolved to Do Some Resolutions

It's a new year and a time to make resolutions. There are some I wish I could make, but I know that I don't have the power to change certain things *cough*badsleepers*cough*. Instead, I'm trying to be realistic and set the bar pretty low.

So of course this week's question is:
What are your new year's resolutions?

Over the next year, I hope to:
-Incorporate yoga back into my life more regularly.
-Take an activity/class with each of my kids. (I'm thinking of doing a yoga class with one or both of them, combining this with my previous resolution!)
-Fix up a desk for me at home (and it may take all year to actually get this done).
-Reduce dairy in my diet. (I now realize that going completely without dairy is not feasible for me right now, since chocolate is important to my mental health right now!)
-Find a GP doctor.
-Start posting reviews on my review blog again.

What about you? Any major or minor changes you hope to make? Anything you simply want to get done within the year? How resolved are you?

Happy New Year 2010

Happy New Year!

I know I'm a day late, but yesterday was a rough day. It's better that I didn't post what I had written yesterday. I'm doing much better today, thanks to the relief Londo gave me yesterday.

I have hope (again) for the new year. I know that things will get better. Winters are always rough for me. This winter, my SAD has (again) become PPD. I find that rather depressing (is that irony?). But we'll manage. We always do. I see my doctor on Monday and I'm already extending the time I do my light therapy. Londo and I are working out ways to get me more sleep.

Londo called 2009 The Year of No Sleep. He's not wrong. But 2009 was also the year our family became a family of four. Our beautiful baby boy was born this year, and our amazing little girl has grown so much. Even with the little sleep, this year was wonderful.

I hope you all have a fantastic new year full of sleep!