This is the first year that the Pumpkin really has any idea who Santa is. I wasn't sure I would play along with the whole Santa thing, but it just kind of happened.
The first year we had the Pumpkin, I had this big conversation with Londo about how I didn't think I'd want to do the "Santa thing." I felt like it was actively lying to our children to pretend that Santa really came to our house, left presents and ate cookies. Londo pointed out that it was a tradition in both our families and that he wanted to have presents from Santa for our kids.
At the time, the Pumpkin was still little, and I figured she'd never know. So I let it go, and we had presents from Santa. I justified it and the books about Santa in my mind as just stories, the way Frosty the Snowman is a story. It was just a passive omission that those characters weren't real.
But this year... Well, this year she knew who Santa was. This year was the deciding year for whether or not we played along with what I've decided to call "The Santa Game." And this year, as happens with many things in our lives, Londo and I flipped positions. Maybe we didn't change positions--it could be that I didn't fully understand his position, but I definitely flipped mine.
I knew that the bike she was getting and the ride-on excavator that the Pookie was getting were the Santa gifts--the big presents of the year that we write from Santa, as my parents did for me and my siblings into our adulthood. And I don't know, I just decided to go for it. Not realizing fully where Londo stood on the issue, I started talking to the Pumpkin about Santa and asking what she wanted him to bring her. We saw lots of Santa stories on her shows (she especially loved the Dora Christmas special, of course). I also started saying that we'd set out stocking and such for Santa.
In talking with the almost 4 year old, I made that step from passive omission to active deception. Apparently Londo was of the mindset this year that he didn't mind giving presents from Santa, but he didn't feel right about actively lying to the kids.
Whoops.
(The bigger issue that Londo has with the whole being good for Santa is the same one I do, which is we don't want to use Santa as a bribe/threat to get the kids to be good or they don't get their presents. First of all, it'd be an empty threat from us, because we are going to give them the gifts. Second, that's not the way we discipline, so it wouldn't be comfortable for us. Even before he said that to me, I'd already been careful about not making The Santa Game about bribes or threats. Instead, we've been talking about the importance of being nice and good to each other, especially around the holidays when people are doing nice things for us like getting us presents, baking with us and spending time with us.)
But the damage was done. I had started the ball rolling, and it wasn't going to stop. So Christmas Eve, the Pumpkin and I set out cookies and apple juice (cause he gets milk everywhere else) for Santa and an apple and bowl of water (her idea!) for the reindeer. We set out stockings and we talked about Santa coming that night. She was excited, and I have to admit how much joy I got out of doing those things. Those are the games of childhood, putting out treats for pretend people and animals, thinking about Santa coming with a big bag of gifts for all the kids, getting excited about stocking stuffers and big presents. And being the one to eat the cookies and set out a bike with a bow on it "from Santa"? It was neat to be the adult on that side of the ritual as well.
And so, here we are. We are doing The Santa Game at least on some level. We won't be super careful about hiding it from her, because Londo wants her to be able to figure it out and not feel like we tricked her. And her face and the Pookie's face when they saw the big presents from Santa and got to open their stockings and when she saw the cookies were gone and the apple had bites out of it? It was awesome!
So this week's Question of the Week is:
In what ways have you incorporated magic into your kids' lives?
Londo and I have yet to talk about The Tooth Fairy. Right now, she's just starting to understand pretend versus real, and I did agree with her when she said that Tinkerbell and fairies are pretend and I did tell her that ghosts aren't real. But I didn't enlighten her to the reality about mermaids, though, even when there was an opportunity. If she asks, I don't think I'll lie. But she didn't ask.
What about you? Do you have a Binky Fairy (I know @Cloud does!)? Do you do Santa? Any ghosts or goblins around for Halloween? Will there be leprechauns for St. Patrick's Day? Unicorns or wizards? What kind of magic exists in your house?
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Parenting with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), Part 1: Valid Concerns
Two days ago was the winter solstice: the day of the year with the shortest amount of daylight in the northern hemisphere. That’s a problem for me, because I have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Sunlight increases the production of serotonin (a happy brain endorphin) and decreases the production of melatonin (the brain chemical that makes you sleepy). The lack of sunlight in the winter causes me to go from tired to exhausted to depressed to severely depressed.
I’ll never forget when I first figured out that I had SAD 8 years ago. It was such a relief to finally know why I had recurring depression and to understand the cause of it! Not everyone who suffers with depression gets a definitive reason for it and the ability to give a scientific explanation about chemical reactions of the body to an outside source. I had those, and I was also able to look back on my life and put pieces in place that did not previously make sense. To think back to difficulties in my childhood and disparities between my personality and behavior in the winter versus summer and be able to understand what was going on in my life! Oh, it was priceless.
But as cathartic as it was to figure it out and make sense of things in my past, it was also a daunting diagnosis when thinking about the future. This is a recurring condition. I was going to go through the exhaustion/depression every. single. winter. It would affect my life every year. It wouldn’t just go away if I thought positively or exercised or drank more coffee. I would have to figure out treatments and follow through every fall through spring.
Even back then, I started to think ahead to life as a parent. It was a natural extension of my previous concern: How was I going to raise children when I would occasionally get depressed for no reason I could understand? Now that I understood the whens and whys of my depression and exhaustion, my concern about raising kids as a mother with recurring depression was still a valid concern. And back then, I didn’t even take into account how the SAD would affect my pregnancies and postpartum time.
When I first started looking into information about SAD, the treatments and any helpful advice about living with the disorder, I didn’t find much relating to being a parent with this disorder. In fact, the only thing I remember finding was that the therapy light was too bright for developing eyes, so infants and young children should not be around it. (I have since learned that young children are okay around it, so long as they aren’t staring at it.) I wasn’t too worried at the time, because we hadn’t even started on our long journey of trying to conceive.
But I had heard stories from people who had a parent who suffered with depression. I heard about mothers locking themselves in bathrooms to cry, meanwhile the kids think they did something to make their mom sad. Or of fathers who basically disappeared somewhere in the house in a dark room and didn’t interact or respond to their kids, who didn’t understand what was wrong with their dad. Most of all, I heard about how the depressed parent wouldn’t name what was wrong or talk about it, making the kids think that it was some big, dark, shameful secret.
Depression shouldn’t be a dark, shameful secret. It’s hard enough to deal with as it is, especially when it’s so hard to reach out for help while you are depressed. Depression should be understood as a medical condition that limits what a person can do. Depression should be treated and talked about and supported as a family, the way diabetes or some other medical disorder would be.
Even before I had kids, I was determined to be open about my SAD with my family and close friends, and definitely with my future kids. But how to do that? What is age appropriate to tell them? How will I find time for my light therapy with young children? How will I deal with the winter while the sleep deprivation that infants and young children bring? I had so many questions, and I still do, but no one to ask.
Every year since I was first pregnant, I’ve googled combinations of SAD and parenting to see if I could read anyone else’s experiences and/or tips. I haven’t really found any that go into the information I wanted or the depth I wanted. So after 4 winters as a parent, I’ve decided to write my own experiences. I apparently have a lot to write, so I’m going to do it in parts, including discussing the treatments that work for me as a parent, what it was like to go through pregnancy and the postpartum period, what it’s been like parenting young children through the winter, and my goals for the future as the kids get older.
Maybe these posts will help someone out there struggling with SAD as a parent. Maybe it will help my friends and family who don’t know what I go through understand what the winters are like in caramama’s casa. Definitely writing these posts will help me, since writing about things and putting it “out there” tends to be cathartic for me. And since it’s winter now, I am going to do all I can to help myself, which in turn helps my parenting and my kids.
I’ll never forget when I first figured out that I had SAD 8 years ago. It was such a relief to finally know why I had recurring depression and to understand the cause of it! Not everyone who suffers with depression gets a definitive reason for it and the ability to give a scientific explanation about chemical reactions of the body to an outside source. I had those, and I was also able to look back on my life and put pieces in place that did not previously make sense. To think back to difficulties in my childhood and disparities between my personality and behavior in the winter versus summer and be able to understand what was going on in my life! Oh, it was priceless.
But as cathartic as it was to figure it out and make sense of things in my past, it was also a daunting diagnosis when thinking about the future. This is a recurring condition. I was going to go through the exhaustion/depression every. single. winter. It would affect my life every year. It wouldn’t just go away if I thought positively or exercised or drank more coffee. I would have to figure out treatments and follow through every fall through spring.
Even back then, I started to think ahead to life as a parent. It was a natural extension of my previous concern: How was I going to raise children when I would occasionally get depressed for no reason I could understand? Now that I understood the whens and whys of my depression and exhaustion, my concern about raising kids as a mother with recurring depression was still a valid concern. And back then, I didn’t even take into account how the SAD would affect my pregnancies and postpartum time.
When I first started looking into information about SAD, the treatments and any helpful advice about living with the disorder, I didn’t find much relating to being a parent with this disorder. In fact, the only thing I remember finding was that the therapy light was too bright for developing eyes, so infants and young children should not be around it. (I have since learned that young children are okay around it, so long as they aren’t staring at it.) I wasn’t too worried at the time, because we hadn’t even started on our long journey of trying to conceive.
But I had heard stories from people who had a parent who suffered with depression. I heard about mothers locking themselves in bathrooms to cry, meanwhile the kids think they did something to make their mom sad. Or of fathers who basically disappeared somewhere in the house in a dark room and didn’t interact or respond to their kids, who didn’t understand what was wrong with their dad. Most of all, I heard about how the depressed parent wouldn’t name what was wrong or talk about it, making the kids think that it was some big, dark, shameful secret.
Depression shouldn’t be a dark, shameful secret. It’s hard enough to deal with as it is, especially when it’s so hard to reach out for help while you are depressed. Depression should be understood as a medical condition that limits what a person can do. Depression should be treated and talked about and supported as a family, the way diabetes or some other medical disorder would be.
Even before I had kids, I was determined to be open about my SAD with my family and close friends, and definitely with my future kids. But how to do that? What is age appropriate to tell them? How will I find time for my light therapy with young children? How will I deal with the winter while the sleep deprivation that infants and young children bring? I had so many questions, and I still do, but no one to ask.
Every year since I was first pregnant, I’ve googled combinations of SAD and parenting to see if I could read anyone else’s experiences and/or tips. I haven’t really found any that go into the information I wanted or the depth I wanted. So after 4 winters as a parent, I’ve decided to write my own experiences. I apparently have a lot to write, so I’m going to do it in parts, including discussing the treatments that work for me as a parent, what it was like to go through pregnancy and the postpartum period, what it’s been like parenting young children through the winter, and my goals for the future as the kids get older.
Maybe these posts will help someone out there struggling with SAD as a parent. Maybe it will help my friends and family who don’t know what I go through understand what the winters are like in caramama’s casa. Definitely writing these posts will help me, since writing about things and putting it “out there” tends to be cathartic for me. And since it’s winter now, I am going to do all I can to help myself, which in turn helps my parenting and my kids.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Question of the Week - Holiday Moments
Two weekends ago, we pulled out the Christmas/holiday decorations. With the Pumpkin close to 4 years old and the Pookie 18 months, Londo and I were really excited to decorate with the kids this year. These are the ages where they can actually help and enjoy the decorating and be excited by all the of the neat decorations we have.
In fact, this year has been really special with the Pumpkin. She is learning Christmas songs, which is bringing the joy of Christmas music back to Londo (who spent too many winters in retail at a mall). She knows about Santa and Rudolph and Frosty. She knows about the menorah I set out to recognize Jesus's religion. And she was/is super excited about the lights and tree.
So this year, when I pulled out the boxes that contain the Christmas ornaments, my daughter had such a look of anticipation. As we pulled out the ornaments and set them out to decide which to put where, my daughter was delighted by each discovery. As she helped me hang the ornaments on just the right branches, my daughter felt a part of Christmas traditions.
I thought back to the Christmases of my past, when my mom would pull out the special boxes of ornaments. I remembered how excited I would be to see all the ornaments: the delicate ones, the handmade ones, the sentimental ones, the silly ones. I thought about the ritual of pulling out the boxes, opening them and ohhhing and ahhhing over each item with my mom and sister and brother and dad.
Those moments. Those are the treasures of the holidays. The ornaments and the navity scene and the advent calendar and the holiday cookies and candies--they are made special not just because of the holiday, but because they are put out only once a year with loving hands and ritualized behavoir.
Those are the moments that my daughter will start remembering from this age on. Those are the moments that my son is able to start participating in from this age on. Those are the moments I look forward to sharing with my family, just as I remember fondly from when I was growing up.
This week's Question of the Week is:
What holiday moments do you remember fondly and/or enjoy sharing with your kids?
I have spent years looking for a nativity scene that reminds me of my mom's, and this year I found one that was similar, looks generally safe for kid use and was on a fantastic sale! I am looking forward to setting that up with my kids and spending time playing with it, as I did with my mom's set when I was young.
What about you? What moments make the holidays special for you and your family? What are your kids able to participate in and enjoy now? Any special memories you want to share?
In fact, this year has been really special with the Pumpkin. She is learning Christmas songs, which is bringing the joy of Christmas music back to Londo (who spent too many winters in retail at a mall). She knows about Santa and Rudolph and Frosty. She knows about the menorah I set out to recognize Jesus's religion. And she was/is super excited about the lights and tree.
So this year, when I pulled out the boxes that contain the Christmas ornaments, my daughter had such a look of anticipation. As we pulled out the ornaments and set them out to decide which to put where, my daughter was delighted by each discovery. As she helped me hang the ornaments on just the right branches, my daughter felt a part of Christmas traditions.
I thought back to the Christmases of my past, when my mom would pull out the special boxes of ornaments. I remembered how excited I would be to see all the ornaments: the delicate ones, the handmade ones, the sentimental ones, the silly ones. I thought about the ritual of pulling out the boxes, opening them and ohhhing and ahhhing over each item with my mom and sister and brother and dad.
Those moments. Those are the treasures of the holidays. The ornaments and the navity scene and the advent calendar and the holiday cookies and candies--they are made special not just because of the holiday, but because they are put out only once a year with loving hands and ritualized behavoir.
Those are the moments that my daughter will start remembering from this age on. Those are the moments that my son is able to start participating in from this age on. Those are the moments I look forward to sharing with my family, just as I remember fondly from when I was growing up.
This week's Question of the Week is:
What holiday moments do you remember fondly and/or enjoy sharing with your kids?
I have spent years looking for a nativity scene that reminds me of my mom's, and this year I found one that was similar, looks generally safe for kid use and was on a fantastic sale! I am looking forward to setting that up with my kids and spending time playing with it, as I did with my mom's set when I was young.
What about you? What moments make the holidays special for you and your family? What are your kids able to participate in and enjoy now? Any special memories you want to share?
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Clumsy Toddling
A few months ago, the Pookie walked up to Londo with his little toddling steps, looked at him, roared like a lion and then... fell down. This is pretty typical for my little boy.
For months now, my son has really loved walking around everywhere. He loves to climb and run and do that arms-thrown-up-legs-going-from-bent-to-strait-not-really-jumping jump and try to keep up with his sister. He didn't start crawling or walking as early as his sister did, but he's definitely within the range of normal. And once he did start moving, he didn't want to stop.
The problem is, well, he is clumsy. It's also probably in the range of normal for a toddler, but Londo and I just aren't sure. In addition to being early with her gross motor skills, the Pumpkin also had natural balance and, I don't know, the opposite of being clumsy. And when she did fall, she would just laugh, get back up and keep going. She rarely actually got hurt, and we think she must have naturally braced herself with her hands and moved her body to absorb the falls better. Or something.
The Pookie, well he is a different person than his sister. He will be running or even walking and then fall down. Even when there is nothing to trip over or cause him to fall down that we can see. And he inevitably ends up with a cut or bruise, usually on his face. Right now, he has a big bruise between his eyes from sliding off the rocking glider and a cut on top of that bruise from falling somewhere else. Even though he was on his stomach on the glider and I thought he would be perfectly fine, he slid right off and banged his face on the wooden legs. And started crying his little heart out. The next day, he fell on something else and that black and blue bruise split into a cut.
It kills us when we are right. there. with him! Watching him, trying to ensure he is safe. And then... BAM! He's down, face first, crying and bleeding. I don't know if most toddlers are this clumsy. I don't know if this is a normal part of the learning curve. I don't know if it's something he'll grow out of or if he'll always be a little clumsy.
Luckily, he is getting better and better controlling his body. He's really stable now when he walks, he's getting much better at climbing, and he's tripping over less things. He still falls a bit and gets bruises and cuts (see earlier incident from glider and who-knows-what-else). But we are getting better and better and being okay with it. It's just part of who he is.
Sometimes, it's even funny. Like when we watch both kids run across the room. The Pumpkin takes off fast... the Pookie takes off right behind her... the Pumpkin makes it halfway across the room... the Pookie goes down with a THUMP! Londo and I just shake our heads and chuckle. I mean, what can you do? We keep looking at each other saying, at least he's adorable. Even with the bumps and bruises.
For months now, my son has really loved walking around everywhere. He loves to climb and run and do that arms-thrown-up-legs-going-from-bent-to-strait-not-really-jumping jump and try to keep up with his sister. He didn't start crawling or walking as early as his sister did, but he's definitely within the range of normal. And once he did start moving, he didn't want to stop.
The problem is, well, he is clumsy. It's also probably in the range of normal for a toddler, but Londo and I just aren't sure. In addition to being early with her gross motor skills, the Pumpkin also had natural balance and, I don't know, the opposite of being clumsy. And when she did fall, she would just laugh, get back up and keep going. She rarely actually got hurt, and we think she must have naturally braced herself with her hands and moved her body to absorb the falls better. Or something.
The Pookie, well he is a different person than his sister. He will be running or even walking and then fall down. Even when there is nothing to trip over or cause him to fall down that we can see. And he inevitably ends up with a cut or bruise, usually on his face. Right now, he has a big bruise between his eyes from sliding off the rocking glider and a cut on top of that bruise from falling somewhere else. Even though he was on his stomach on the glider and I thought he would be perfectly fine, he slid right off and banged his face on the wooden legs. And started crying his little heart out. The next day, he fell on something else and that black and blue bruise split into a cut.
It kills us when we are right. there. with him! Watching him, trying to ensure he is safe. And then... BAM! He's down, face first, crying and bleeding. I don't know if most toddlers are this clumsy. I don't know if this is a normal part of the learning curve. I don't know if it's something he'll grow out of or if he'll always be a little clumsy.
Luckily, he is getting better and better controlling his body. He's really stable now when he walks, he's getting much better at climbing, and he's tripping over less things. He still falls a bit and gets bruises and cuts (see earlier incident from glider and who-knows-what-else). But we are getting better and better and being okay with it. It's just part of who he is.
Sometimes, it's even funny. Like when we watch both kids run across the room. The Pumpkin takes off fast... the Pookie takes off right behind her... the Pumpkin makes it halfway across the room... the Pookie goes down with a THUMP! Londo and I just shake our heads and chuckle. I mean, what can you do? We keep looking at each other saying, at least he's adorable. Even with the bumps and bruises.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Question of the Week - Childhood Cartoons
It's amazing how much better one feels when one is on the correct dosage of medicine (and light therapy), plus a weekend of sleep and rest. I was having a tough week, but I'm doing better now. Hopefully I can get back into the bloggy swing of things.
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People on Facebook have been changing their profile pics to cartoon characters from when they were kids. I'm not going to get into urban legends about why this trend started or what changing your profile picture will do or won't do. I personally just thought it was a fun way to remember the cartoons from our childhoods. I especially enjoyed seeing who picked which cartoon. (I'm not alone in my love of Jem!)
Man, I loved cartoons when I was a kid. I was really into the action cartoons, although I also loved me some girlie girl cartoons as well. I wished that everyone had changed their profile pic, because there weren't nearly enough of my favorites represented. So I though this week's Question of the Week should be:
What were some of your favorite cartoons when you were a kid?
My absolute favorite was probably Voltron. In fact, I had changed my profile pic to be Princess Allura. A princess wearing pink and kicking butt with the boys? She was awesome. Along those lines, I also LOVED She-Ra, Jem, and Wonder Woman from Super Friends. I was also a big fan of G.I. Joe (Scarlet, Duke and Snake Eyes were my favs), Spiderman and Friends, Batman, He-Man and Thundercats. In the more tame areas, I liked Shirt Tails, The Warner Brothers (with Yakko, Wakko and Dot), Tail Spin and Smurfs (who didn't like the Smurfs?).
I told you I watched and liked a lot of cartoons! I have more, but I'm going to leave it off there.
What about you? What did you wake up for on Saturday mornings? What did you hurry home for after school? Did you go for the adventurous or the humorous cartoons?
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People on Facebook have been changing their profile pics to cartoon characters from when they were kids. I'm not going to get into urban legends about why this trend started or what changing your profile picture will do or won't do. I personally just thought it was a fun way to remember the cartoons from our childhoods. I especially enjoyed seeing who picked which cartoon. (I'm not alone in my love of Jem!)
Man, I loved cartoons when I was a kid. I was really into the action cartoons, although I also loved me some girlie girl cartoons as well. I wished that everyone had changed their profile pic, because there weren't nearly enough of my favorites represented. So I though this week's Question of the Week should be:
What were some of your favorite cartoons when you were a kid?
My absolute favorite was probably Voltron. In fact, I had changed my profile pic to be Princess Allura. A princess wearing pink and kicking butt with the boys? She was awesome. Along those lines, I also LOVED She-Ra, Jem, and Wonder Woman from Super Friends. I was also a big fan of G.I. Joe (Scarlet, Duke and Snake Eyes were my favs), Spiderman and Friends, Batman, He-Man and Thundercats. In the more tame areas, I liked Shirt Tails, The Warner Brothers (with Yakko, Wakko and Dot), Tail Spin and Smurfs (who didn't like the Smurfs?).
I told you I watched and liked a lot of cartoons! I have more, but I'm going to leave it off there.
What about you? What did you wake up for on Saturday mornings? What did you hurry home for after school? Did you go for the adventurous or the humorous cartoons?
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