More than Muffins for Mom

We had been talking about Mother’s Day all week, not just because I was excited that this would be my first Mother’s Day when my daughter actually got it. But also because they’d been talking about it at school and making their mothers a present and preparing for Muffins for Moms Day.

At the previous pre-school my daughter attended, Muffins for Moms was really just a bunch of muffins set out on a table in the front hall, where moms grabbed a muffin on their way out the door after dropping off the kids. Sure, it was nice to get a muffin, but that was all it was.

I didn’t expect a whole lot more at this school, But the Pumpkin talked about Muffins for Moms at her school with me a few times, and I told her I was definitely coming.

Friday morning, the Pumpkin started to throw a fit over nothing. It was because I turned on the lights to the kids’ bathroom. Literally, that’s all I did, and she started throwing a tantrum. Ah, The Fours.

So I said to her, “Isn’t today Muffins for Moms day? I think you should be really nice to me all day!”

And do you know what she said?

She said, “Oh, you’re right! Well, I’m sorry I was crying. It was just an accident. I was just upset because I wanted to use your bathroom, not mine. But I should have just told you that!”

I was floored, but I didn’t let it show. I mean, a complete 180 from crying and yelling angrily to a sheepish apology (even if she still doesn’t quite understand what “accident” means)! But I just smiled and said it was okay, and we moved on to her washing up in my bathroom. And yes, I totally reminded her a few other times that morning when she was starting to get an attitude. Every day should be Muffins for Mom day!

But the best part was once when we got to the kids’ school. The Pumpkin and I dropped the Pookie of at his room, and then I took her to her room. When we got there and hung up her things, her teacher explained to me that I should find a seat and the Pumpkin was going to wash her hands and bring me a muffin.

Sure enough, she served me a muffin and then a drink and napkin! She then got herself some fruit (we don’t chance muffins not made in our own peanut-free kitchen) and sat with me. We enjoyed a yummy breakfast together, sitting in her classroom, talking about her schoolmates and the “work” she likes to do (the activities in the Montessori school are called work).

Next, I went to the Pookie’s room. His face light up when I went in! We sat down together and had mini-muffins. Though his teachers served us muffins and juice, he kept going back for more mini-muffins for him and me. That boy sure likes to eat, especially when someone is sitting with him. After we had a few, it was time for his class’s music class, and I got to sit in on it and sing some songs with him. It was super cute a lot of fun.

Then I went back to the Pumpkin’s room because I promised her I would sit with her while she did some work. She was doing a Practical Life activity, which was neat to see. She has such an imagination that she wasn’t just opening and closing different boxes and jars, but she was feeding a mommy and baby spider in those boxes with the spider food in the jars. This girl of mine is so creative!

Unfortunately, she did NOT want me to leave. She clung and cried, but I had to go in for a meeting so I couldn’t stay any longer. It had already been a while. She just enjoyed having me there so much, she was really upset when I left. And that’s why the school doesn’t let parents stay every day. I totally get it. My son was starting to get upset when I left his room too, but his teachers were able to distract him with the music class.

For all you other pre-schools out there, THIS is how you do Muffins for Mom day! I got to spend time with my kids, got served breakfast by my daughter (and she cleaned up after us!), got to see and be part of what they do at school. Not to mention, I got to totally extend Mother’s Day and it’s required nice behavior to mom to Friday, too!

Question of the Week - Mother's Day Favorites?

I had a fabulous Mother's Day on Sunday, as well as a wonderful weekend. I hope you all did too.

I seriously have the best husband evah! He took a rough night with the Pookie, let me sleep in late, made me breakfast in bed, ushered the kids out of the room so I could eat it, stayed home with the kids so I could shop with my mom and sister then eat out a nice lunch with them and my SIL, her sister and their mom, continued watching the kids while I went with my mom and sis to visit my grandma, and fixed us all dinner!

I didn't change a single diaper! I didn't cook or administer a single meal! I got homemade pictures from the kids! I got a card that included a recording of the kids singing "I love my mommy, oh yes I do. I love my mommy. That mommy's you!" I got hugs and kisses and all the wonderful aspects of being a mom, with none of the complaining, whining or arguing!

It truly was a wonderful Mother's Day. I didn't spend a majority of it with my kids, but I spent a good portion of Friday and most of Saturday with them.

I thought of all you mothers out there--all my bloggy mom friends who I've not been good at keeping up with lately. I wondered how you all were doing. And I wondered what I'm making this week's (month's?) Question of the Week:

What was your favorite part(s) of Mother's Day?

Through all of those wonderful things that my kids and husband did, I have three favorite parts, though only one is for Sunday itself.

My favorite part of all was on Sunday: My husband did all of those things I listed above and more with such a great attitude! When I mentioned going to visit my grandma or taking time to go shopping or even heading up for a shower, there was no hesitation from him at all. Immediately he would say, "Do whatever you need/want, honey. It's your day!" or "Don't worry about us. I've got the kids, and we're doing great." So the guilt I can feel at time for doing things without the kids or needing him to watch the kids for long periods of time with no breaks? Non-existent! Isn't that the best?

My other favorite parts I hope to write about later, and they included Muffin's for Mom at my kids' school on Friday morning and my daughter's first dance recital.

What about you all? Did you have a good Mother's Day? Did you spend it with your kid(s) or without the kid(s)? Was it relaxing or adventure-filled? Did you get any good gifts? Breakfast in bed? What was your favorite part?

Hoping the World is a Better Place for My Kids

I'm writing this before I've read any other blog posts about the killing of Osama bin Laden. I don't know what my friends and others I admire in the blogoverse have said about what happened. I have been on Facebook and do know generally what my friends there and family think and feel about it. But I want to get my thoughts and feelings out before I read other blogs, even if this is a big mismatch of ideas and rambling of thoughts, as the beginning seems to be.

I am not conflicted about what happened. I am not conflicted in my heart, soul or conscience about bin Laden getting killed. I keep searching and thinking and analyzing, but nope. I'm not in conflict. I'm not sorry. I'm not upset.

But I'm not exactly celebratory, either. I would not feel comfortable cheering in the streets over a man's death. I wouldn't open champagne or throw a party. However, I can understand that some people would.

People react to things in different ways. People have different ways of finding closure. People need different types of justice to be served. I read this article and realized that there is an evolutionary reason that people want to celebrate this form of justice.

I'm a peace-loving hippie at heart. I really do wish we could all just get along. Although I get it mentally, my heart does not understand why people would start wars. I don't have urges to be cruel to another person or animal. My biggest desire in the world is that every person be kind, respectful and accepting of everyone else.

But my ideal world, my utopia, simply can't exist--at least not in this world today or any time throughout our history. It may not ever be possible for humans to live in perfect harmony and acceptance, because of "human nature." Because how humans have survived, moved forward, evolved in this world is in large part because humans are competitive and... well... self-serving.

Unfortunately, there are some humans on this Earth whose competitive-ness is crazy high and they want to be in charge of and win EVERYTHING, whose self-serving is not balanced by altruism or desire for harmony.

Osama bin Laden was one of those people. Someone who promoted violence against others simply for being "other." Someone who somehow rationalized the killing of thousands in the name of religion and intolerance, killing "others" as well as his own people. Violence, destruction, subjugation, hate, intolerance. Those are just some of the cornerstones of what he stood for.

Imagine a movie with a character like bin Laden. From action movies to sci-fi movies, there have been plenty of characters like him. I always root for those characters to be captured and brought to trial/jail/justice. But if they get killed in the cross-fire? I'm not upset. And in some cases, even I realize that if the evil person continues to live, he/she will continue to cause death and destruction and the only way to truly resolve the movie is for the evil person to die.

I don't wish for the death of other people in real life. But there are people in the world whose death I do/will not regret. He was one of those people. I did not wish him well in this life, and I don't wish him well in the afterlife.

When I first heard reports of his death, I didn't quite know how to feel. But as I started remembering the details of 9/11, remembering what it was like to hear and watch the reports as it was happening, realizing the extent of what happened, learning the details behind the plot, learning the death toll and the aftermath, and most of all thinking about all those who lost loved ones, I realized that I wasn't upset about bin Laden getting killed. As I listened to President Obama's address, I realized that I have no problem with bin Laden's death and have no remorse over it.

And while I personally won't toast his death or cheer in the streets, I understand why others do/did.

I want the world to be a better place. I want to be able to live and raise my kids in my ideal society, my utopia where everyone is respectful and tolerant and helpful of each other. There are evil people in the world who not only keep the world from getting closer to my ideal but actively teach others to do the same.

Osama bin Laden is dead. I did not have a part in his death, but I am not at all upset that he is dead. I'm not at all conflicted. To be completely honest, I hope, even believe, that with his death the world is a slightly better.

Worst Dream Ever

Well hello April!

Remember when I said that work was killing me but I thought things were calming down? They weren't. It's just been one thing after another.

But last weekend, we released the redesigned system! Yeah! And though it was a TON of hard work, I am really proud of what my team has done. We have really improved a system that is critical for the Agency where I work. We have made it easier for people to do their jobs. We have worked with users to make sure their needs are met by the new system. And we have raised the bar for all the other systems where I work. :-)

The release didn't go smoothly, of course. It rarely does. But because of some constraints, it almost went really poorly. In fact, Friday night we were considering rolling back and delaying the release, which would have caused all sorts of problems. We decided to regroup the next morning.

That night, I had the worst dream of my life. And that is saying something, because in the winters my increase of melatonin gives me really vivid dreams, and my depression and anxiety tend to make the vivid dreams mostly nightmares. I've been in war zones, I've been hunted by snipers, I've been chased by a shark, I've had crazy time limits to do important things, I've had ugly fights with close friends, and goodness knows what else.

Friday night my bad dream went from having problems with the release, to being naked in public, to the worst of all... my son almost drowning. Truly, that was the most awful dream I've had my whole life. I barely got there in time to perform CPR and get him breathing again.

I can't even think about it anymore. And I'm really mad at my psyche! As if I haven't had horrible dreams for a good chunk of my life, my subconscious now knows just how to hit me the hardest. My children.

The good news is that my developers worked late Friday night, so when we re-grouped Saturday morning they had a fix for us to test. We were able to release the fix on Saturday, and the new system was available for users Monday morning!

And now I'm taking a few days off to get a bit of my life back and mostly spend time with my children while their school is off for spring break!

Question of the Week - Signs of a Regression

Because my daughter goes through those periods of disequilibrium on a quarterly basis (instead of the half-year basis it says in all the books), sometimes it feels like we are constantly dealing with developmental regressions. Which is, of course, frustrating. It can feel like every time we see progress, we back slide in development.

I know this isn't true, though. Not all progress is lost. Not by a long shot. I would say it's actually 3 or 4 steps forward, 1 step back. (Maybe sometimes it's 2 steps back.) And what's really neat about the quarterly developmental cycles is that we get to see the Pumpkin make developmental progress earlier than most her age.

But since we got through these regressions a lot, and now with two kids, we are getting really good at knowing the signs.

The Pumpkin's top 10 signs that she's going through a developmental regression are:
10. She wants help with things she used to want to do herself, like washing her hands.
9. She insists she can't do something she could before and needs us to do it for her, like putting on her shoes.
8. She says she's "scared" of things that she hasn't mentioned in a while, like dark rooms or "biting snakes" and sharks in her room.
7. She goes through a phase of separation anxiety, from school drop-offs to needing us to wait for her so we can go downstairs together.
6. Her ability to concentrate goes out the window, and she flits from one thing to another without putting anything away.
5. Any impulse control she had developed is pretty much gone, with her grabbing things from the counter and doing things she shouldn't like pushing her brother which totally drive us crazy.
4. She has difficulty "listening to her body" when she is hungry or thirsty or has to go potty, resulting in some meltdowns and pee pee in her underpants.
3. She has potty regressions, including emptying her bladder at 3:00 AM in our bed while she slept like a rock through it--until we finally were able to wake her up and she and I had a middle-of-the-night shower while Londo did middle-of-the-night laundry and bed change.
2. There are unreasonable, unforeseen tantrums and meltdowns over things that normally wouldn't be a big deal, like not wanting to wear jeans or even pants even though it's cold outside.

And the number 1 sign that my daughter is going through a developmental regression...

...

...

1. Trouble Sleeping! (Even more than usual, that is.) It all just gets worse than usual, from not being settling down prior to bed, to a long time falling asleep, to being wide awake in the middle of the night or really early in the wee hours of the morning.

Yes, I'm sure you all guessed it. It's pretty obvious. The good news is that it shouldn't last much longer, and at least she is somewhat more able to reason and think things through than she was for any of the previous regressions.

Here's an example of that: When she peed in our bed at 3:00 AM and was so hard to wake, I thought for sure that she would flip out when she finally woke up and I took her into the shower. I thought there would for sure be one of those middle-of-the-night crazy tantrums that we used to go through, especially trying to get her to shower. But no, once she woke up and we explained what happened, I whisked her into the bathroom without her making even a peep. I hurriedly got us both undressed and started warming up the shower.

As I started to usher her into the shower, she balked for a second. Oh, no. Here we go, I thought. But you'll never guess what she did: She reached over for some bath toys and then got in the shower with them and me. No complaining, not upset at all. We even had a fun and quick shower. When we got out and she went to brush her teeth, I had to explain that it was still the middle of the night and we needed to go back to sleep. And she said, "Oh, right." And we did.

So this week's Question of the Week is:
What are the signs your kid(s) displays when they are going through a regression?

My son is still so young (21 months) that his signs are pretty average for toddlers, I think. He needs more help falling asleep. He wakes up in the night, usually just once a night for a few nights in a row. He gets extra clingy to me. He gets extra fussy, especially at the Witching Hour(s) before and after dinner.

What about your kids? Do you get typical signs of clingy-ness and fussiness? Have any fun tantrums or night wakings? Have you figured out any patterns or timing to the regressions? Do share, because I know we all go through it!