Two things about my daughter that I always try to keep in mind when she's not doing what she's supposed to or I want her to do and/or I'm getting frustrated with her:
1. She takes in EVERYTHING, even if she doesn't respond right away.
2. She does NOT like to be backed into a metaphorical corner or feeling like she's being forced to do something.
Having read and really identified with the Raising Your Spirited Child book, I paid special attention to the section about negotiations or getting to "yes" (I can't recall right now if that term was in this book or another, but I do know that the idea of it was in this book). You see, with my child you cannot expect that she will do what you tell her to do just because you told her to do it. I don't care who you are or what method you try in order to force her to do it. If she doesn't want to do something, she will. not. do. it!
Instead, I've spent a lot of time coming up on ways to get my girl on board with what I need her to do, or at least to work out a compromise, or "deal" with her. I know lots of parents say they don't negotiate with terrorists, and certainly sometimes she simply HAS to do what we tell her to do, especially for safety reasons and when there are specific rules in place. But in general, I have learned to pick the true battles when necessary and otherwise work out something that will work for me and her. Maybe it's because as funny as it is, I don't consider her a terrorist. To me, she is a little person with needs and desires of her own, but without the ability to ask for them or to understand why she can't or to do so many of the things she wants.
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I'll never forget that first time she looked at me and said, "Mommy, I want a deal." A few months ago when I was working on bedtime seperation (another post coming on that), making many small transitions over a period of time, I would tell her that we could "make a deal" to meet her needs (potty, drink of water, a little snuggle) without moving back to a previous position/action, thereby undoing the transition I had already made. Sometimes, she would take the deal right off, and others she would not take and therefore had a major tantrum/meltdown that I had to sit through without giving in to do only what she wanted. She HATED being backed into a "do this or else" corner, so those types of ultimatums would not work well during these transitions. But by offering her deals she could take was my way of giving her (and myself) a way out of being backed into a corner, a way for both of us to get to a "yes" that worked for us.
One night she really wanted something (maybe water or a snuggle, I don't recall exactly what), but I was insisting she had to stay in bed. Finally, she sat up, and said that she wanted a deal! I hadn't yet offered one cause I was tired and frustrated and didn't think of it. She was heading in the direction of a tantrum--but so was I! When suddenly, she sat up, looked at me, and told me she wanted a deal! Now, she's only starting to figure out how to offer her own deals, but at that point it was a huge break through for her to tell me she wanted one! I quickly came up with something acceptable to both parties, and we got through that bedtime without ANY tantrums!
She had been listening, taking it all in. What I was doing, what I was saying was not just something in the moment, but it was something she was learning and remembering and using. All those nights and days when I offered deals, all those times I had to make myself be patient and stop being frustrated and calmly offer compromises were starting to pay off.
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She was in a mood one morning last week. Easily distracted and not listening or following any instructions. Not doing anything she KNOWS she's supposed to do in the mornings, and doing things she KNOWS she shouldn't be. After finally getting myself, the Pookie and the Pumpkin dressed and ready, we went downstairs for breakfast. While I was fixing oatmeal, she was sitting at the table and appeared to be playing with the basket in which I keep the napkins. But then I realized what exactly she had done/was doing.
She had broken a piece of the basket off and was playing with it. I said, pretty sternly, "Pumpkin! Don't pull pieces off of the basket! You are breaking Mommy's basket." She is currently really big into the idea of "broken" and knows that not everything that is broken can be fixed. I thought that would be sufficient... or maybe I knew it wouldn't be. Either way, I turned away to do the time-sensitive part of adding the oats to the boiling milk. When I looked back, she had broken off another piece! I was so mad! I yelled at her something along the lines of, "You broke off another piece! You are breaking my basket! I'm so mad that you didn't listen to me and are breaking my basket! You cannot play with that basket!" And I took the basket away.
She got upset. She hurried into the family room (open to the kitchen), sat down and started crying. Gah! What am I going to do with that? I'M the one who should be upset! I'M the one that should be comforted. But there was my girl, crying as if I was in the wrong.
I finished stirring the oatmeal, I gave the Pookie more puffs to hold him over, and then I went to my girl and sat down next to her. I was not in the wrong, and I was not going to make it seem like I was. But I always love her and care about her and her feelings, so I was going to address her feelings and mine.
"Pumpkin. Are you upset because I yelled at you?" She didn't answer, but I knew the answer. "You broke Mommy's basket. That made me very upset, because I really like that basket and because I had already told you not to break pieces off. You broke another piece off anyway, and that makes me sad and mad, so I yelled. I would feel a lot better if you said you were sorry." I said. But, and this is key for my daughter, I added, "When you are ready, I would like you to tell me you are sorry for breaking my basket." Then, I quickly moved on, "Are you hungry? The oatmeal is ready. Come on back into the kitchen when you are ready, and we'll have breakfast." I put in one final reminder as I got up, "And when you are ready, I'd like you to say you are sorry."
I went back in, spooned out bowls of oatmeal, sat down and started feeding myself and the Pookie. She was soon in the kitchen, eating her oatmeal, seemingly fine as could be. We were talking and joking around as if nothing happened. It's usually pretty easy for me to let things go and get things back to normal due to my personality or how I was raised or something, and the Pumpkin seems to be similar in this. After a few minutes, I saw her looking at the basket of napkins, which was on the counter now. Without any prompting beyond the times earlier that I mentioned wanting her to say she was sorry when she was ready, she looked at me and said, "Mommy, I'm sorry I broke your basket."
"Oh, thank you, Pumpkin! That makes me feel so much better to hear you say that!" Then we started talking about the basket a little bit, about how pretty it is and how perfect it is for the napkins. We both decided that we liked the basket and didn't want it to be broken. And that was that.
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The Pumpkin may take her own sweet time in doing things, but I know that she is listening and taking it in. As far as I can tell, very few people like to be backed into a corner of do-it-or-else or even do-what-I-tell-you-because-I-told-you-to. And my intense, persistent, sensitive, perseptive child? She has a good heart and an incredible soul. She just needs the tools and the space and the time to figure things out. I can give her those.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Question of the Week - Who Ya Gonna Call?
The other week, I read this really interesting article about how hearing mom's voice can reduce the stress hormone (cortisol) and increase the bonding hormone (oxytocin), which is usually brought out by touch (this isn't the article I originally read, but it is a really good write-up about the research). The study was done on 61 girls, agest 7 to 12, who performed in a stressful situation. One group of girls got physical contact with their moms, another talked to their moms over the phone and the final group watched a neutral movie. At the end a set period of time, they tested the girls' cortisol levels and oxytocin levels. (There was a bit more too it, but that is the gist.)
The girls who had physical contact had the most quickly reduced levels of cortisol and a significant increase in oxytocin. The girls who talked to their moms over the phone had the same amount of cortisol, although it reduced more slowly, and the same increase in oxytocin. The girls who didn't have contact with their moms had elevated levels of cortisol and low levels of oxytocin.
Although I would like to see additional studies done on boys calling their moms, both kids calling their dads, kids getting to choose who they want to call (cause not every mom may be a calming influence) and some other variations, this is very fascinating stuff! Reading about it gives me warm fuzzies (or is that the oxytocin?) both as a mom and as a daughter. Not only does this information help solidify my plans to call my kids when I'm away over the years, but it also makes me think back to all those times in college and after when I would call my mom after something stressful.
It also got me thinking about who I call these days when I'm frustrated or stressed. Which got me wondering who other people call. Which is of course this week's question of the week:
Who do you call when you are stressed out?
I find that I call different people for different types of stress. I don't know if my oxytocin levels increase in any of these cases, but I do think that my cortisol levels probably decrease. Here's who I call for what:
Who do you call when you need to reach out and touch someone? Do you call different people for different things? Does calling your mom provide you with comfort or raise your stress levels through the roof? If your stress is high, who ya gonna call?
The girls who had physical contact had the most quickly reduced levels of cortisol and a significant increase in oxytocin. The girls who talked to their moms over the phone had the same amount of cortisol, although it reduced more slowly, and the same increase in oxytocin. The girls who didn't have contact with their moms had elevated levels of cortisol and low levels of oxytocin.
Although I would like to see additional studies done on boys calling their moms, both kids calling their dads, kids getting to choose who they want to call (cause not every mom may be a calming influence) and some other variations, this is very fascinating stuff! Reading about it gives me warm fuzzies (or is that the oxytocin?) both as a mom and as a daughter. Not only does this information help solidify my plans to call my kids when I'm away over the years, but it also makes me think back to all those times in college and after when I would call my mom after something stressful.
It also got me thinking about who I call these days when I'm frustrated or stressed. Which got me wondering who other people call. Which is of course this week's question of the week:
Who do you call when you are stressed out?
I find that I call different people for different types of stress. I don't know if my oxytocin levels increase in any of these cases, but I do think that my cortisol levels probably decrease. Here's who I call for what:
- my hubby - I call him when I'm stressed about the kids and anything else in my entire life. Although lately, phone calls are not conducive to reducing stress, since either he is or I am home juggling kids or at work dealing with business when we call each other. I prefer to talk to him in person, after the kids are in bed, when I am winding down and unloading at the end of the day.
- my mom - I still call my mom to talk about various things. Usually kid issues or money frustrations or health concerns. She is really a balm to my spirit in those cases and more.
- my dad - When I'm feed up or upset about work, my Dad is my go-to guy to talk to. I don't call him to vent and complain about many things, although I do call him with issues and concerns I have from health stuff to household stuff. More importantly, I call him when I am doing something cool and want to share it with someone, just like he does with me and my siblings.
- my sister - On average, I probably have real conversations with my sister either every day or every other day. We have the same general commute schedule and hands-free earpieces, so we chat away while on our drives, in part to keep from getting frustrated in the crappy DC traffic and in part to keep in touch with each other. We talk about everything from kids to health to husbands to pre-schools to upcoming vacations to family to, well, everything! Just this morning, we spent 30 minutes planning a summer vacation! She is the main reason Londo had to up my cell phone minutes a year or two ago. Heh.
- good friends - I have 2-3 good friends who are great phone talkers. We tend to take turns complaining and raving about just about everything in our lives. (I have a lot of other good friends who are great in-person talkers but not great phone talkers, so just because I don't call them once or twice a week on my commutes does not mean they aren't treasured friends.)
Who do you call when you need to reach out and touch someone? Do you call different people for different things? Does calling your mom provide you with comfort or raise your stress levels through the roof? If your stress is high, who ya gonna call?
Thursday, May 20, 2010
He's Also Working on Newton's Laws of Motion
Over the past couple of months, the Pookie has discovered Gravity! It's fun to play with! It's dangerous when you are still wobbly! It can make the dog your best friend, or make the dog run from you!
The Pookie's been crawling since just before he turned 9 months old. Soon after he turned 9 months, he figured out how to stand up on his own. Last month (when he was 10 months old), he actually let go of the couch with both hands for the first time in order to clutch one of the Pumpkin's toys to his chest in glee. He has since stood for a few wobbly seconds a handful of times. It's very cute to watch, but also a bit worrisome, since he sometimes ends these moments by falling over and clunking his head instead of carefully reaching back out for the couch or something else to steady himself.
But even more fun for him and the dog, though not for me and Londo, he has realized that when he lets go of something (like food) while holding it from up above (like his highchair), it will fall! All the way to the ground! Woo hoo, such fun this Gravity is! He likes to do it over and over. And try it from other places, like toys in his crib or playpen or exersaucer. Unfortunately, this game leaves his highchair tray, crib, playpen and exersaucer empty of things to stick in his mouth and play with.
And that's when the squeeling begins. Perfectly entertained one minute, screaming from frustration and boredom the next minute. Ah, the life of a baby!
The Pookie's been crawling since just before he turned 9 months old. Soon after he turned 9 months, he figured out how to stand up on his own. Last month (when he was 10 months old), he actually let go of the couch with both hands for the first time in order to clutch one of the Pumpkin's toys to his chest in glee. He has since stood for a few wobbly seconds a handful of times. It's very cute to watch, but also a bit worrisome, since he sometimes ends these moments by falling over and clunking his head instead of carefully reaching back out for the couch or something else to steady himself.
But even more fun for him and the dog, though not for me and Londo, he has realized that when he lets go of something (like food) while holding it from up above (like his highchair), it will fall! All the way to the ground! Woo hoo, such fun this Gravity is! He likes to do it over and over. And try it from other places, like toys in his crib or playpen or exersaucer. Unfortunately, this game leaves his highchair tray, crib, playpen and exersaucer empty of things to stick in his mouth and play with.
And that's when the squeeling begins. Perfectly entertained one minute, screaming from frustration and boredom the next minute. Ah, the life of a baby!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Mother's Day Moments
The Pookie did not have the best night's sleep the night before Mother's Day. Londo helped ease the difficulty of getting him back to sleep at least once. But when the Pookie woke up at 6:00, I was just too tired to get right out of bed. Luckily, he usually entertains himself for about a half hour after waking up for the day, so I went back to sleep.
About 30 minutes later, I woke up and jumped out of bed. The monitor was off, which isn't unusual in the mornings, since I turn it off if he's playing happily in his crib. But the door to our bedroom was shut! With the monitor off, I need the door open so I can hear him when he is really crying and upset and hungry and ready to GET UP. We always leave the door open during the night, but the Pumpkin often shuts it when she comes into bed with us during the night.
And sure enough, as I jumped out of bed, I noticed that the Pumpkin was in our bed. But... Londo wasn't! Oh, Happy Mother's Day to me! Londo got the baby so that I could sleep in. I climbed back in bed, cuddled up with a very snuggly Pumpkin, and went back to sleep.
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Around 7:00, the Pumpkin started stirring. I opened my eyes, and she was smiling at me.
caramama: Did you know it's Mother's Day?
Pumpkin: Oh, it is?
caramama: Yes, it is. Can you tell me "Happy Mother's Day"?
Pumpkin: Happy Mother's Day!
caramama: Oh, thank you!
Pumpkin (after contemplative a moment): Where's Daddy?
caramama: He's downstairs with [the Pookie's real name]. Do you want to go down with them?
Pumpkin: No, I just want to snuggle with you.
caramama (heart melting): Okay.
After a minute or less...
Pumpkin: I want to go downstairs. Do you want to come with me?
caramama (not surprised by this not-unusual turn of events): No, I'm going to sleep in a little bit. You can go downstairs with daddy and [the Pookie's real name].
Pumpkin: Okay. You sleep in a little. I'll rub your back.
Then, she rubbed my back a little bit. I closed my eyes, acting like I was going to sleep and trying so hard to not smile. And then? She leaned over and kissed my cheek! Next, she got up, off the bed, opened the bedroom door, closed it behind her and called out to her Daddy to tell him she wanted to go downstairs (there is a babygate at the top of the stairs that she hasn't completely figured out yet).
Although I wasn't able to fall back asleep, I did lie in bed reading for like an hour or more, while Londo dealt with breakfast, tantrums and general whiny-ness. And when I did go downstairs for breakfast, Londo made me sweet rolls and cheesy eggs, as I requested. Londo gave me cards from him and the kids, and he gave me a gold baby booty charm for the charm bracelet I will eventually have, but for now looks lovely on a necklace chain. It was wonderful morning.
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The Pumpkin's swim class is now on Sundays (which we go to with one of my BFFs and her son). We get in our swim suits before we leave, and take off our outer clothes in the locker room. This week, the Pumpkin wanted to put her flipflops on by herself, but I told her that the ground was dirty and I didn't want her to sit on the floor in the locker room. I told her to sit on the bench. She promptly, without a word, slide off the bench and leaned down, looking like she was going to sit on the floor. I got frustrated at this very common experience of her ignoring what we are telling her to do/not do and trying to do what she wants anyway. I firmly reminded her that I didn't want her sitting on the floor, and I put her back on the bench. She slide off, and as I started to get mad, she finally explained that she wasn't going to sit on the floor. She "just wanted to stand up to put them on." Well, that's a fine compromise, and I told her so and explained why it was a compromise (not sitting on the floor, not sitting on the bench).
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The activities in the swim class are hit or miss with my girl. Some activities she generally likes, some she doesn't. Sometimes she doesn't like the same activity she loved the week before, or vise versa. She never likes to put her head, ears or eyes under the water, and although we've been working on it, I'm not going to push it especially on Mother's Day. Not worth the fight, when I know she'll get there in her own time.
This week, she LOVED jumping off the bench/ledge that's in the water. She puts her arms up "like Supergirl" and jumps to me. She loved this activity so much, that she would jump as soon as I had put her down on the ledge, way before I was ready. I explained that she had to wait until I was ready, and that she should ask me if I'm ready before she jumps. She started doing just that on the very next jump. Which was nice, because through most of the class she didn't listen to what I or the teacher told her to do. She didn't follow any instructions really, and kept hanging on and pulling me.
Near the end of class, she begged to go down the clam slide. She loves slides. The teacher accommodated her request by hurrying through the last activity. Then, we told her she could go down once. She got to the top of the slide, and freaked out. The previous week, she went down it twice, but you land in water at the bottom, and she did NOT like that. So there she was at the top, and she started getting all upset. At the teacher's suggestion, I got her to come around the side of the slide and just put her on halfway and hold her as she went down, making sure she didn't dunk at the bottom. That was a success.
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After swim class, the Pumpkin thinks it's really fun to take a shower in the locker room. I got her shampoo and soap for the shower, and she started taking off her flipflops. I explained that she needed to leave them on in the shower. She tried to take them off anyway. I insisted that if she wanted to shower here, she had to leave them on. She did, and we headed to the shower. Where she promptly turned up the volume on defying, ignoring and arguing with me.
We were maybe in the shower for a minute--two tops!--and I had already told her twice that if she wanted to take a shower there, she had to listen and follow my instructions. I told her that she had one more chance, and if she didn't listen we were going to go home without finishing the shower. Literally, 10 seconds later, she continued arguing/whining, sitting bare-bottomed on the gross floor. She insisted that she didn't want her hair washed. The hair that already had some shampoo in it. The hair that I didn't even finish rinsing off, as I grabbed her off the floor, sobbing and whining. I bundled her in a towel and out of the shower. I explained firm, and angrily, that I was putting her clothes on and my clothes on and then we were leaving. She'd have to shower at home. She kept crying that she wanted a shower there in the locker room. And I basically (and probably verbatim) said too bad.
Do you know how the sound in locker rooms carry and echo? Yeah, that was fun.
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Over the past year, we've tried numerous times to get the Pookie to nap at my parents' house when we are there for family gatherings. But it's like he knows there is all sorts of fun going on elsewhere, and he refuses to sleep! So on Mother's Day I realized that we needed to get that boy a nap at our own house before going to my mom's for a cookout. This was really a good idea.
While he was napping, the Pumpkin and I made pudding, and we got ready to go over. We got over there about 4:30, had some early dinner and played with everyone. It was a good time, made so much better by having a well-rested baby. The Pumpkin is now old enough to go off and play with her cousins, which she did at one point, but she still likes to stay around the adults.
For dessert, my mom had ice cream and toppings available. I had brought the pudding with blackberries to go on top. My husband started dishing out the ice cream, and called out, "Who wants ice cream?" Of course all the kids came running. My girl was one of them, and she was especially interested in the sprinkles/jimmies to go on top. Although this was prior to the Pumpkin's allergy appointment, we had been careful all year long since we first suspected the peanut allergy. So before Londo gave any to her, I reminded him, "Be sure to check the label." My dad said, "There are no nuts in it. It's vanilla!" I responded, "But we have to check to see if there are any nuts in the facility where it was made and packaged." Sure enough, Londo read out loud, "Made in a facility that also contains peanuts, treenuts..."
So no ice cream for the Pumpkin. Luckily, I did have the pudding, and I quickly dished her a bowl and Londo put sprinkles on top, and she was as happy as could be! (Although later I realized that we didn't check the sprinkles' label! Doh!)
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We got home right at bedtime. Londo and I swept the kids straight upstairs and started their bedtime routines. As part of the bedtime routines, the Pumpkin (and now the Pookie) has always given us a hug and kiss goodnight. But lately, the Pumpkin has not wanted to give me one before I go to put the Pookie to bed. In fact, probably every night the week leading up to Mother's Day was without a kiss. I don't believe in forcing them, but I do want it to be part of the bedtime routine.
So that night, I said to her that I would like my hug and kiss while she was on bed. She rolled away from me, as usual. I kneeled down and looked her in the eye and said, "Pumpkin, I've had a really wonderful Mother's Day. You have made it so special for me! What would really be special is if you gave me a hug and kiss goodnight right now. That would make me so happy!" She thought about it for a minute, and then she sat up and gave me a wonderful hug and kiss! A beautiful end to a (mostly) lovely day.
About 30 minutes later, I woke up and jumped out of bed. The monitor was off, which isn't unusual in the mornings, since I turn it off if he's playing happily in his crib. But the door to our bedroom was shut! With the monitor off, I need the door open so I can hear him when he is really crying and upset and hungry and ready to GET UP. We always leave the door open during the night, but the Pumpkin often shuts it when she comes into bed with us during the night.
And sure enough, as I jumped out of bed, I noticed that the Pumpkin was in our bed. But... Londo wasn't! Oh, Happy Mother's Day to me! Londo got the baby so that I could sleep in. I climbed back in bed, cuddled up with a very snuggly Pumpkin, and went back to sleep.
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Around 7:00, the Pumpkin started stirring. I opened my eyes, and she was smiling at me.
caramama: Did you know it's Mother's Day?
Pumpkin: Oh, it is?
caramama: Yes, it is. Can you tell me "Happy Mother's Day"?
Pumpkin: Happy Mother's Day!
caramama: Oh, thank you!
Pumpkin (after contemplative a moment): Where's Daddy?
caramama: He's downstairs with [the Pookie's real name]. Do you want to go down with them?
Pumpkin: No, I just want to snuggle with you.
caramama (heart melting): Okay.
After a minute or less...
Pumpkin: I want to go downstairs. Do you want to come with me?
caramama (not surprised by this not-unusual turn of events): No, I'm going to sleep in a little bit. You can go downstairs with daddy and [the Pookie's real name].
Pumpkin: Okay. You sleep in a little. I'll rub your back.
Then, she rubbed my back a little bit. I closed my eyes, acting like I was going to sleep and trying so hard to not smile. And then? She leaned over and kissed my cheek! Next, she got up, off the bed, opened the bedroom door, closed it behind her and called out to her Daddy to tell him she wanted to go downstairs (there is a babygate at the top of the stairs that she hasn't completely figured out yet).
Although I wasn't able to fall back asleep, I did lie in bed reading for like an hour or more, while Londo dealt with breakfast, tantrums and general whiny-ness. And when I did go downstairs for breakfast, Londo made me sweet rolls and cheesy eggs, as I requested. Londo gave me cards from him and the kids, and he gave me a gold baby booty charm for the charm bracelet I will eventually have, but for now looks lovely on a necklace chain. It was wonderful morning.
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The Pumpkin's swim class is now on Sundays (which we go to with one of my BFFs and her son). We get in our swim suits before we leave, and take off our outer clothes in the locker room. This week, the Pumpkin wanted to put her flipflops on by herself, but I told her that the ground was dirty and I didn't want her to sit on the floor in the locker room. I told her to sit on the bench. She promptly, without a word, slide off the bench and leaned down, looking like she was going to sit on the floor. I got frustrated at this very common experience of her ignoring what we are telling her to do/not do and trying to do what she wants anyway. I firmly reminded her that I didn't want her sitting on the floor, and I put her back on the bench. She slide off, and as I started to get mad, she finally explained that she wasn't going to sit on the floor. She "just wanted to stand up to put them on." Well, that's a fine compromise, and I told her so and explained why it was a compromise (not sitting on the floor, not sitting on the bench).
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The activities in the swim class are hit or miss with my girl. Some activities she generally likes, some she doesn't. Sometimes she doesn't like the same activity she loved the week before, or vise versa. She never likes to put her head, ears or eyes under the water, and although we've been working on it, I'm not going to push it especially on Mother's Day. Not worth the fight, when I know she'll get there in her own time.
This week, she LOVED jumping off the bench/ledge that's in the water. She puts her arms up "like Supergirl" and jumps to me. She loved this activity so much, that she would jump as soon as I had put her down on the ledge, way before I was ready. I explained that she had to wait until I was ready, and that she should ask me if I'm ready before she jumps. She started doing just that on the very next jump. Which was nice, because through most of the class she didn't listen to what I or the teacher told her to do. She didn't follow any instructions really, and kept hanging on and pulling me.
Near the end of class, she begged to go down the clam slide. She loves slides. The teacher accommodated her request by hurrying through the last activity. Then, we told her she could go down once. She got to the top of the slide, and freaked out. The previous week, she went down it twice, but you land in water at the bottom, and she did NOT like that. So there she was at the top, and she started getting all upset. At the teacher's suggestion, I got her to come around the side of the slide and just put her on halfway and hold her as she went down, making sure she didn't dunk at the bottom. That was a success.
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After swim class, the Pumpkin thinks it's really fun to take a shower in the locker room. I got her shampoo and soap for the shower, and she started taking off her flipflops. I explained that she needed to leave them on in the shower. She tried to take them off anyway. I insisted that if she wanted to shower here, she had to leave them on. She did, and we headed to the shower. Where she promptly turned up the volume on defying, ignoring and arguing with me.
We were maybe in the shower for a minute--two tops!--and I had already told her twice that if she wanted to take a shower there, she had to listen and follow my instructions. I told her that she had one more chance, and if she didn't listen we were going to go home without finishing the shower. Literally, 10 seconds later, she continued arguing/whining, sitting bare-bottomed on the gross floor. She insisted that she didn't want her hair washed. The hair that already had some shampoo in it. The hair that I didn't even finish rinsing off, as I grabbed her off the floor, sobbing and whining. I bundled her in a towel and out of the shower. I explained firm, and angrily, that I was putting her clothes on and my clothes on and then we were leaving. She'd have to shower at home. She kept crying that she wanted a shower there in the locker room. And I basically (and probably verbatim) said too bad.
Do you know how the sound in locker rooms carry and echo? Yeah, that was fun.
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Over the past year, we've tried numerous times to get the Pookie to nap at my parents' house when we are there for family gatherings. But it's like he knows there is all sorts of fun going on elsewhere, and he refuses to sleep! So on Mother's Day I realized that we needed to get that boy a nap at our own house before going to my mom's for a cookout. This was really a good idea.
While he was napping, the Pumpkin and I made pudding, and we got ready to go over. We got over there about 4:30, had some early dinner and played with everyone. It was a good time, made so much better by having a well-rested baby. The Pumpkin is now old enough to go off and play with her cousins, which she did at one point, but she still likes to stay around the adults.
For dessert, my mom had ice cream and toppings available. I had brought the pudding with blackberries to go on top. My husband started dishing out the ice cream, and called out, "Who wants ice cream?" Of course all the kids came running. My girl was one of them, and she was especially interested in the sprinkles/jimmies to go on top. Although this was prior to the Pumpkin's allergy appointment, we had been careful all year long since we first suspected the peanut allergy. So before Londo gave any to her, I reminded him, "Be sure to check the label." My dad said, "There are no nuts in it. It's vanilla!" I responded, "But we have to check to see if there are any nuts in the facility where it was made and packaged." Sure enough, Londo read out loud, "Made in a facility that also contains peanuts, treenuts..."
So no ice cream for the Pumpkin. Luckily, I did have the pudding, and I quickly dished her a bowl and Londo put sprinkles on top, and she was as happy as could be! (Although later I realized that we didn't check the sprinkles' label! Doh!)
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We got home right at bedtime. Londo and I swept the kids straight upstairs and started their bedtime routines. As part of the bedtime routines, the Pumpkin (and now the Pookie) has always given us a hug and kiss goodnight. But lately, the Pumpkin has not wanted to give me one before I go to put the Pookie to bed. In fact, probably every night the week leading up to Mother's Day was without a kiss. I don't believe in forcing them, but I do want it to be part of the bedtime routine.
So that night, I said to her that I would like my hug and kiss while she was on bed. She rolled away from me, as usual. I kneeled down and looked her in the eye and said, "Pumpkin, I've had a really wonderful Mother's Day. You have made it so special for me! What would really be special is if you gave me a hug and kiss goodnight right now. That would make me so happy!" She thought about it for a minute, and then she sat up and gave me a wonderful hug and kiss! A beautiful end to a (mostly) lovely day.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Question of the Week - Other Languages
I totally had a different question of the week which I haven't had time to post, but then I read Ask Moxie's site today and remembered a different question I've been meaning to ask.
Do you use any words or phrases from different languages in your house as part of your normal lingo? If so, what?
I know there are a few of you who live in other countries and/or have spouses who speak other languages, so I'll bet you guys have a bunch.
For me and my husband, we speak American English and live in the US. BORING! But I used to be pretty fluent in Italian and lived over there for a semester in college. My goal when having kids was to start speak Italian again and get books and music in Italian so that I could teach them Italian. Italian is not super common here in the States, which is part of why it is appealing to me. I want to be able to say things to my kids that they will understand but no one else will. You know, like, "Stop your crying or I'll give you something to cry about!" (You all know I'm kidding with that, right?)
Although I do have some board books and a CD with music, I've not had the time to brush up on my own Italian language skills enough to use regularly with the kids. But there are some words that I have used and continue to use, as well as ones that I hope to use more (please excuse--or better yet, correct--any typos or misuses, as it's been many many years since I spoke the language regularly):
-Basta - means "enough" and I've used this with the dog for years. I'm planning to use it with the kids more, as needed.
-La bocca - means "the mouth" and I used it this with the Pumpkin when referring to her mouth as in open it or close it. I have a feeling I'll be using the phrase "Ferma la bocca" when I want her to shut her mouth in the teenage years! Ha!
-Aperto/Chiuso - ("open/close") I use this when playfully trying to get the Pumpkin to open (and close) her mouth to brush her teeth.
-Ciao - ("hello" and "goodbye" informally) I say this pretty often, especially with the accompanying "bella" (beautiful)
-Di mi - means "tell me" and though I used to say it all the time when living in Italy, I don't now. I plan to use this more.
How about you? Do you tell your child that he/she has that certain je ne sais quoi? When they keep begging for something, do you say nein? Do you greet your child with ni hao in the morning? Do you remind them to say por favor? Di mi!
Do you use any words or phrases from different languages in your house as part of your normal lingo? If so, what?
I know there are a few of you who live in other countries and/or have spouses who speak other languages, so I'll bet you guys have a bunch.
For me and my husband, we speak American English and live in the US. BORING! But I used to be pretty fluent in Italian and lived over there for a semester in college. My goal when having kids was to start speak Italian again and get books and music in Italian so that I could teach them Italian. Italian is not super common here in the States, which is part of why it is appealing to me. I want to be able to say things to my kids that they will understand but no one else will. You know, like, "Stop your crying or I'll give you something to cry about!" (You all know I'm kidding with that, right?)
Although I do have some board books and a CD with music, I've not had the time to brush up on my own Italian language skills enough to use regularly with the kids. But there are some words that I have used and continue to use, as well as ones that I hope to use more (please excuse--or better yet, correct--any typos or misuses, as it's been many many years since I spoke the language regularly):
-Basta - means "enough" and I've used this with the dog for years. I'm planning to use it with the kids more, as needed.
-La bocca - means "the mouth" and I used it this with the Pumpkin when referring to her mouth as in open it or close it. I have a feeling I'll be using the phrase "Ferma la bocca" when I want her to shut her mouth in the teenage years! Ha!
-Aperto/Chiuso - ("open/close") I use this when playfully trying to get the Pumpkin to open (and close) her mouth to brush her teeth.
-Ciao - ("hello" and "goodbye" informally) I say this pretty often, especially with the accompanying "bella" (beautiful)
-Di mi - means "tell me" and though I used to say it all the time when living in Italy, I don't now. I plan to use this more.
How about you? Do you tell your child that he/she has that certain je ne sais quoi? When they keep begging for something, do you say nein? Do you greet your child with ni hao in the morning? Do you remind them to say por favor? Di mi!
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