I don't know if it's a phase or the age or her personality or something she is picking up from those around her (like her parents), but lately the Pumpkin has living in extremes. It's not just the "ever"s or "never"s she is constantly saying, but it is also often about who is the "best" or "most" or "better" or "faster" or... well, you get the point.
I mostly just let it go. I know she doesn't mean it when I give her a hug or kiss I didn't know she didn't want and she says she is never going to hug or kiss me ever again. Or when we insist she cleans up her toys or brushes her teeth and she says she is never going to do it again. Or even when her brother does something she didn't want him to do and she says she's never going to play with him again.
It's the heat of the moment. It's her feeling her emotions to the fullest. It's her lashing out. At least it's not her hitting or pushing. She is using her words... but words can hurt and I know we will need to address it when she can understand a little better how those words hurt and when she has the control to not just lash out. In other words, when she's a little older... like 30... or maybe 40. I'll let you know when I've figured it out myself. Heh.
I do get a wee bit frustrated when she is so competitive about things. She has to "win" at everything, from finishing her food before her brother to going up the stairs to building a tower with blocks, she wants to beat him. While I think this is probably a normal phase for her age, I want her to know NOW that it's okay not to win, and that not everything needs to be a competition.
Just this morning, she finished her toast first and said she won. I said (as I have many times before) that it's not a race. You eat what you are hungry for until you are full. You don't need to eat it fast, and that it's better to take your time so you digest better. I have a feeling that I will have to continue making these statements for a while.
A little healthy competition is good. My husband has good results getting the kids to do some things by making it a race or seeing who can do it fastest. But when it's about everything and it's all about winning, I worry about it. I want her to have fun playing and doing things. I want her to encourage her brother and others with supportive comments. I want her to want to win in competions, but not be crushed if she loses. Most importantly, I want her to learn to be a good sport no matter if she wins or loses.
It doesn't have to be the tallest tower. She doesn't have to be the fastest up the stairs, especially when we are trying to be calm on our way to bed. She doesn't have to finish her food first. She doesn't have to say she'll never hug me again. It doesn't have to be all about the extremes.
We've been watching the Cars movie (SPOILER WARNING: I'm going to talk about the end of the movie and who won the final race!!!), and yesterday when it was near the end and they were doing the final race, she said that Lightning McQueen and the King won. And Londo and I explained to her that they didn't win. Chick won. Lightning went back to help his friend, The King. We explained that it was more important to him to help his friend than it was to win the race. That was the lesson that Lightning learned. This was just after we had talked about the things he learned from his friends that he used in the race.
She was quiet for a minute, watching the movie. Then she said, "Lightning learned two things from his friends. He learned to go backwards from Tow Mater. And he learned to turn from Doc." Londo said, "Yes, he learned those two things about driving for the race. But he also learned a third thing." I said, "He also learned that it's more important to help his friend than to win the race." Even though we had just said this, it felt important to repeat it.
These are the lessons we will work on. Right now, she is living in extremes. I've always said that the Pumpkin feels her emotions to the fullest. If she is happy, she is giddy with happiness. If she is sad, she is devestated. If she is angry, she is furious. She is my girl with the curl right in the middle of her forhead. I feel emotions like that at times as well. I understand getting overwhelmed and needing to express what I'm feeling. But I also understand how it can feel to be on the receiving end of those emotions, and how important it can be to temper them or find an appropriate outlet.
So we will keep talking about it. We will keep expressing the importance of being a good sport. We will work on teaching how words can hurt and how to express ourselves in ways that are not hurtful to others. And I think we'll be watching the Cars movie a few more times and discussing the lessons we can learn from that.
And maybe the world of extremes will continue. There are worse things that can happen. Hopefully she learns ways to express those extremes that aren't quite so, well, extreme. Time will tell.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Question of the Week - Toddlerese Infiltrates Our Language
I love the way toddlers say words. The Pumpkin had some adorable words, some that lasted for quite a while like "wobberwhy" for butterfly and "ballerlay" for ballet and "laliloli" for raviloli. But the Pumpkin's verbal skills advanced rather quickly, so there wasn't a whole lot of nicknames for things that she couldn't pronounce, other than those I listed.
But the Pookie, well his verbal skills are developing in their own time frame. He's totally in the range of normal for his age, so we're not worried or anything. He just isn't able to pronounce his words clearly and he has come up with toddlerese words and terms for things he either can't or won't say the right way.
For example, he doesn't pronounce the hard "c" sound very well (or the soft "c"/"s" sound either). In fact, he only pronounces the "cah" sound and "sss" sound when he is repeating just that sound back to us. But when it comes to the word "cat"? He either doesn't say it or can't say it. Instead, he calls cats "meows." It may be in part because our cat's name is kind of similar to the word meow, but he does differentiate the word dog, our dog's name and the sounds a dog makes. But for cats? He refers to them all as meows.
So now the rest of the family? We often call cats meows as well! "Look, Pookie! It's a meow!"
So this week's question of the week is:
What nickname or silly word have you adopted into everyday speech that originated from your kid(s)'s dialect of toddlerese?
The other really big one we've totally started using all the time is the Pookie's word for car: go-go. Actually, it started as a referral to cars, but then morphed to include trucks and motorcycles and trains and, well, anything that has wheels really. "Hey look, Pookie! It's a go-go!" and "Here's your (toy) go-go, Pook" have become regular phrases in our house used by me, Londo and the Pumpkin.
We have started to differentiate the types of go-gos and refer to go-go cars, go-go trucks, go-go trains, etc. I am at the point where I forget when I'm talking with other adults and I'll start to refer to a car as a go-go. And the term go-go is now used by my parents and others when talking to the Pookie!
Sometimes, I think the Pookie is just being stubborn about what he wants to call things though. For a while, the Pookie seemed to be confusing cows with elephants. We'd have arguments where I would say, "elephant" and he'd say "cow" and I'd say "elephant" and he'd say "cow" and this would go on for a little while, and I started to suspect that he was either pulling my leg or just being stubborn. Then we started reading some Italian board books starring an elephant named Elmer. So he started calling all elephants "el-moh." And we'd have disagreements about that as well. "Elephant." "Elmoh." "No, elephant." "No, elmoh!" Until I'd give up and say, "Fine it's an elmer elephant." And now? I often just refer to it as an elmer. Sigh...
What about your household? Any special nicknames or words that have infiltrated your language? Any cute toddlerese that you continue to use? Any that you miss? Any from your childhood? Share with me!
But the Pookie, well his verbal skills are developing in their own time frame. He's totally in the range of normal for his age, so we're not worried or anything. He just isn't able to pronounce his words clearly and he has come up with toddlerese words and terms for things he either can't or won't say the right way.
For example, he doesn't pronounce the hard "c" sound very well (or the soft "c"/"s" sound either). In fact, he only pronounces the "cah" sound and "sss" sound when he is repeating just that sound back to us. But when it comes to the word "cat"? He either doesn't say it or can't say it. Instead, he calls cats "meows." It may be in part because our cat's name is kind of similar to the word meow, but he does differentiate the word dog, our dog's name and the sounds a dog makes. But for cats? He refers to them all as meows.
So now the rest of the family? We often call cats meows as well! "Look, Pookie! It's a meow!"
So this week's question of the week is:
What nickname or silly word have you adopted into everyday speech that originated from your kid(s)'s dialect of toddlerese?
The other really big one we've totally started using all the time is the Pookie's word for car: go-go. Actually, it started as a referral to cars, but then morphed to include trucks and motorcycles and trains and, well, anything that has wheels really. "Hey look, Pookie! It's a go-go!" and "Here's your (toy) go-go, Pook" have become regular phrases in our house used by me, Londo and the Pumpkin.
We have started to differentiate the types of go-gos and refer to go-go cars, go-go trucks, go-go trains, etc. I am at the point where I forget when I'm talking with other adults and I'll start to refer to a car as a go-go. And the term go-go is now used by my parents and others when talking to the Pookie!
Sometimes, I think the Pookie is just being stubborn about what he wants to call things though. For a while, the Pookie seemed to be confusing cows with elephants. We'd have arguments where I would say, "elephant" and he'd say "cow" and I'd say "elephant" and he'd say "cow" and this would go on for a little while, and I started to suspect that he was either pulling my leg or just being stubborn. Then we started reading some Italian board books starring an elephant named Elmer. So he started calling all elephants "el-moh." And we'd have disagreements about that as well. "Elephant." "Elmoh." "No, elephant." "No, elmoh!" Until I'd give up and say, "Fine it's an elmer elephant." And now? I often just refer to it as an elmer. Sigh...
What about your household? Any special nicknames or words that have infiltrated your language? Any cute toddlerese that you continue to use? Any that you miss? Any from your childhood? Share with me!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
More than Muffins for Mom
We had been talking about Mother’s Day all week, not just because I was excited that this would be my first Mother’s Day when my daughter actually got it. But also because they’d been talking about it at school and making their mothers a present and preparing for Muffins for Moms Day.
At the previous pre-school my daughter attended, Muffins for Moms was really just a bunch of muffins set out on a table in the front hall, where moms grabbed a muffin on their way out the door after dropping off the kids. Sure, it was nice to get a muffin, but that was all it was.
I didn’t expect a whole lot more at this school, But the Pumpkin talked about Muffins for Moms at her school with me a few times, and I told her I was definitely coming.
Friday morning, the Pumpkin started to throw a fit over nothing. It was because I turned on the lights to the kids’ bathroom. Literally, that’s all I did, and she started throwing a tantrum. Ah, The Fours.
So I said to her, “Isn’t today Muffins for Moms day? I think you should be really nice to me all day!”
And do you know what she said?
She said, “Oh, you’re right! Well, I’m sorry I was crying. It was just an accident. I was just upset because I wanted to use your bathroom, not mine. But I should have just told you that!”
I was floored, but I didn’t let it show. I mean, a complete 180 from crying and yelling angrily to a sheepish apology (even if she still doesn’t quite understand what “accident” means)! But I just smiled and said it was okay, and we moved on to her washing up in my bathroom. And yes, I totally reminded her a few other times that morning when she was starting to get an attitude. Every day should be Muffins for Mom day!
But the best part was once when we got to the kids’ school. The Pumpkin and I dropped the Pookie of at his room, and then I took her to her room. When we got there and hung up her things, her teacher explained to me that I should find a seat and the Pumpkin was going to wash her hands and bring me a muffin.
Sure enough, she served me a muffin and then a drink and napkin! She then got herself some fruit (we don’t chance muffins not made in our own peanut-free kitchen) and sat with me. We enjoyed a yummy breakfast together, sitting in her classroom, talking about her schoolmates and the “work” she likes to do (the activities in the Montessori school are called work).
Next, I went to the Pookie’s room. His face light up when I went in! We sat down together and had mini-muffins. Though his teachers served us muffins and juice, he kept going back for more mini-muffins for him and me. That boy sure likes to eat, especially when someone is sitting with him. After we had a few, it was time for his class’s music class, and I got to sit in on it and sing some songs with him. It was super cute a lot of fun.
Then I went back to the Pumpkin’s room because I promised her I would sit with her while she did some work. She was doing a Practical Life activity, which was neat to see. She has such an imagination that she wasn’t just opening and closing different boxes and jars, but she was feeding a mommy and baby spider in those boxes with the spider food in the jars. This girl of mine is so creative!
Unfortunately, she did NOT want me to leave. She clung and cried, but I had to go in for a meeting so I couldn’t stay any longer. It had already been a while. She just enjoyed having me there so much, she was really upset when I left. And that’s why the school doesn’t let parents stay every day. I totally get it. My son was starting to get upset when I left his room too, but his teachers were able to distract him with the music class.
For all you other pre-schools out there, THIS is how you do Muffins for Mom day! I got to spend time with my kids, got served breakfast by my daughter (and she cleaned up after us!), got to see and be part of what they do at school. Not to mention, I got to totally extend Mother’s Day and it’s required nice behavior to mom to Friday, too!
At the previous pre-school my daughter attended, Muffins for Moms was really just a bunch of muffins set out on a table in the front hall, where moms grabbed a muffin on their way out the door after dropping off the kids. Sure, it was nice to get a muffin, but that was all it was.
I didn’t expect a whole lot more at this school, But the Pumpkin talked about Muffins for Moms at her school with me a few times, and I told her I was definitely coming.
Friday morning, the Pumpkin started to throw a fit over nothing. It was because I turned on the lights to the kids’ bathroom. Literally, that’s all I did, and she started throwing a tantrum. Ah, The Fours.
So I said to her, “Isn’t today Muffins for Moms day? I think you should be really nice to me all day!”
And do you know what she said?
She said, “Oh, you’re right! Well, I’m sorry I was crying. It was just an accident. I was just upset because I wanted to use your bathroom, not mine. But I should have just told you that!”
I was floored, but I didn’t let it show. I mean, a complete 180 from crying and yelling angrily to a sheepish apology (even if she still doesn’t quite understand what “accident” means)! But I just smiled and said it was okay, and we moved on to her washing up in my bathroom. And yes, I totally reminded her a few other times that morning when she was starting to get an attitude. Every day should be Muffins for Mom day!
But the best part was once when we got to the kids’ school. The Pumpkin and I dropped the Pookie of at his room, and then I took her to her room. When we got there and hung up her things, her teacher explained to me that I should find a seat and the Pumpkin was going to wash her hands and bring me a muffin.
Sure enough, she served me a muffin and then a drink and napkin! She then got herself some fruit (we don’t chance muffins not made in our own peanut-free kitchen) and sat with me. We enjoyed a yummy breakfast together, sitting in her classroom, talking about her schoolmates and the “work” she likes to do (the activities in the Montessori school are called work).
Next, I went to the Pookie’s room. His face light up when I went in! We sat down together and had mini-muffins. Though his teachers served us muffins and juice, he kept going back for more mini-muffins for him and me. That boy sure likes to eat, especially when someone is sitting with him. After we had a few, it was time for his class’s music class, and I got to sit in on it and sing some songs with him. It was super cute a lot of fun.
Then I went back to the Pumpkin’s room because I promised her I would sit with her while she did some work. She was doing a Practical Life activity, which was neat to see. She has such an imagination that she wasn’t just opening and closing different boxes and jars, but she was feeding a mommy and baby spider in those boxes with the spider food in the jars. This girl of mine is so creative!
Unfortunately, she did NOT want me to leave. She clung and cried, but I had to go in for a meeting so I couldn’t stay any longer. It had already been a while. She just enjoyed having me there so much, she was really upset when I left. And that’s why the school doesn’t let parents stay every day. I totally get it. My son was starting to get upset when I left his room too, but his teachers were able to distract him with the music class.
For all you other pre-schools out there, THIS is how you do Muffins for Mom day! I got to spend time with my kids, got served breakfast by my daughter (and she cleaned up after us!), got to see and be part of what they do at school. Not to mention, I got to totally extend Mother’s Day and it’s required nice behavior to mom to Friday, too!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Question of the Week - Mother's Day Favorites?
I had a fabulous Mother's Day on Sunday, as well as a wonderful weekend. I hope you all did too.
I seriously have the best husband evah! He took a rough night with the Pookie, let me sleep in late, made me breakfast in bed, ushered the kids out of the room so I could eat it, stayed home with the kids so I could shop with my mom and sister then eat out a nice lunch with them and my SIL, her sister and their mom, continued watching the kids while I went with my mom and sis to visit my grandma, and fixed us all dinner!
I didn't change a single diaper! I didn't cook or administer a single meal! I got homemade pictures from the kids! I got a card that included a recording of the kids singing "I love my mommy, oh yes I do. I love my mommy. That mommy's you!" I got hugs and kisses and all the wonderful aspects of being a mom, with none of the complaining, whining or arguing!
It truly was a wonderful Mother's Day. I didn't spend a majority of it with my kids, but I spent a good portion of Friday and most of Saturday with them.
I thought of all you mothers out there--all my bloggy mom friends who I've not been good at keeping up with lately. I wondered how you all were doing. And I wondered what I'm making this week's (month's?) Question of the Week:
What was your favorite part(s) of Mother's Day?
Through all of those wonderful things that my kids and husband did, I have three favorite parts, though only one is for Sunday itself.
My favorite part of all was on Sunday: My husband did all of those things I listed above and more with such a great attitude! When I mentioned going to visit my grandma or taking time to go shopping or even heading up for a shower, there was no hesitation from him at all. Immediately he would say, "Do whatever you need/want, honey. It's your day!" or "Don't worry about us. I've got the kids, and we're doing great." So the guilt I can feel at time for doing things without the kids or needing him to watch the kids for long periods of time with no breaks? Non-existent! Isn't that the best?
My other favorite parts I hope to write about later, and they included Muffin's for Mom at my kids' school on Friday morning and my daughter's first dance recital.
What about you all? Did you have a good Mother's Day? Did you spend it with your kid(s) or without the kid(s)? Was it relaxing or adventure-filled? Did you get any good gifts? Breakfast in bed? What was your favorite part?
I seriously have the best husband evah! He took a rough night with the Pookie, let me sleep in late, made me breakfast in bed, ushered the kids out of the room so I could eat it, stayed home with the kids so I could shop with my mom and sister then eat out a nice lunch with them and my SIL, her sister and their mom, continued watching the kids while I went with my mom and sis to visit my grandma, and fixed us all dinner!
I didn't change a single diaper! I didn't cook or administer a single meal! I got homemade pictures from the kids! I got a card that included a recording of the kids singing "I love my mommy, oh yes I do. I love my mommy. That mommy's you!" I got hugs and kisses and all the wonderful aspects of being a mom, with none of the complaining, whining or arguing!
It truly was a wonderful Mother's Day. I didn't spend a majority of it with my kids, but I spent a good portion of Friday and most of Saturday with them.
I thought of all you mothers out there--all my bloggy mom friends who I've not been good at keeping up with lately. I wondered how you all were doing. And I wondered what I'm making this week's (month's?) Question of the Week:
What was your favorite part(s) of Mother's Day?
Through all of those wonderful things that my kids and husband did, I have three favorite parts, though only one is for Sunday itself.
My favorite part of all was on Sunday: My husband did all of those things I listed above and more with such a great attitude! When I mentioned going to visit my grandma or taking time to go shopping or even heading up for a shower, there was no hesitation from him at all. Immediately he would say, "Do whatever you need/want, honey. It's your day!" or "Don't worry about us. I've got the kids, and we're doing great." So the guilt I can feel at time for doing things without the kids or needing him to watch the kids for long periods of time with no breaks? Non-existent! Isn't that the best?
My other favorite parts I hope to write about later, and they included Muffin's for Mom at my kids' school on Friday morning and my daughter's first dance recital.
What about you all? Did you have a good Mother's Day? Did you spend it with your kid(s) or without the kid(s)? Was it relaxing or adventure-filled? Did you get any good gifts? Breakfast in bed? What was your favorite part?
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Hoping the World is a Better Place for My Kids
I'm writing this before I've read any other blog posts about the killing of Osama bin Laden. I don't know what my friends and others I admire in the blogoverse have said about what happened. I have been on Facebook and do know generally what my friends there and family think and feel about it. But I want to get my thoughts and feelings out before I read other blogs, even if this is a big mismatch of ideas and rambling of thoughts, as the beginning seems to be.
I am not conflicted about what happened. I am not conflicted in my heart, soul or conscience about bin Laden getting killed. I keep searching and thinking and analyzing, but nope. I'm not in conflict. I'm not sorry. I'm not upset.
But I'm not exactly celebratory, either. I would not feel comfortable cheering in the streets over a man's death. I wouldn't open champagne or throw a party. However, I can understand that some people would.
People react to things in different ways. People have different ways of finding closure. People need different types of justice to be served. I read this article and realized that there is an evolutionary reason that people want to celebrate this form of justice.
I'm a peace-loving hippie at heart. I really do wish we could all just get along. Although I get it mentally, my heart does not understand why people would start wars. I don't have urges to be cruel to another person or animal. My biggest desire in the world is that every person be kind, respectful and accepting of everyone else.
But my ideal world, my utopia, simply can't exist--at least not in this world today or any time throughout our history. It may not ever be possible for humans to live in perfect harmony and acceptance, because of "human nature." Because how humans have survived, moved forward, evolved in this world is in large part because humans are competitive and... well... self-serving.
Unfortunately, there are some humans on this Earth whose competitive-ness is crazy high and they want to be in charge of and win EVERYTHING, whose self-serving is not balanced by altruism or desire for harmony.
Osama bin Laden was one of those people. Someone who promoted violence against others simply for being "other." Someone who somehow rationalized the killing of thousands in the name of religion and intolerance, killing "others" as well as his own people. Violence, destruction, subjugation, hate, intolerance. Those are just some of the cornerstones of what he stood for.
Imagine a movie with a character like bin Laden. From action movies to sci-fi movies, there have been plenty of characters like him. I always root for those characters to be captured and brought to trial/jail/justice. But if they get killed in the cross-fire? I'm not upset. And in some cases, even I realize that if the evil person continues to live, he/she will continue to cause death and destruction and the only way to truly resolve the movie is for the evil person to die.
I don't wish for the death of other people in real life. But there are people in the world whose death I do/will not regret. He was one of those people. I did not wish him well in this life, and I don't wish him well in the afterlife.
When I first heard reports of his death, I didn't quite know how to feel. But as I started remembering the details of 9/11, remembering what it was like to hear and watch the reports as it was happening, realizing the extent of what happened, learning the details behind the plot, learning the death toll and the aftermath, and most of all thinking about all those who lost loved ones, I realized that I wasn't upset about bin Laden getting killed. As I listened to President Obama's address, I realized that I have no problem with bin Laden's death and have no remorse over it.
And while I personally won't toast his death or cheer in the streets, I understand why others do/did.
I want the world to be a better place. I want to be able to live and raise my kids in my ideal society, my utopia where everyone is respectful and tolerant and helpful of each other. There are evil people in the world who not only keep the world from getting closer to my ideal but actively teach others to do the same.
Osama bin Laden is dead. I did not have a part in his death, but I am not at all upset that he is dead. I'm not at all conflicted. To be completely honest, I hope, even believe, that with his death the world is a slightly better.
I am not conflicted about what happened. I am not conflicted in my heart, soul or conscience about bin Laden getting killed. I keep searching and thinking and analyzing, but nope. I'm not in conflict. I'm not sorry. I'm not upset.
But I'm not exactly celebratory, either. I would not feel comfortable cheering in the streets over a man's death. I wouldn't open champagne or throw a party. However, I can understand that some people would.
People react to things in different ways. People have different ways of finding closure. People need different types of justice to be served. I read this article and realized that there is an evolutionary reason that people want to celebrate this form of justice.
I'm a peace-loving hippie at heart. I really do wish we could all just get along. Although I get it mentally, my heart does not understand why people would start wars. I don't have urges to be cruel to another person or animal. My biggest desire in the world is that every person be kind, respectful and accepting of everyone else.
But my ideal world, my utopia, simply can't exist--at least not in this world today or any time throughout our history. It may not ever be possible for humans to live in perfect harmony and acceptance, because of "human nature." Because how humans have survived, moved forward, evolved in this world is in large part because humans are competitive and... well... self-serving.
Unfortunately, there are some humans on this Earth whose competitive-ness is crazy high and they want to be in charge of and win EVERYTHING, whose self-serving is not balanced by altruism or desire for harmony.
Osama bin Laden was one of those people. Someone who promoted violence against others simply for being "other." Someone who somehow rationalized the killing of thousands in the name of religion and intolerance, killing "others" as well as his own people. Violence, destruction, subjugation, hate, intolerance. Those are just some of the cornerstones of what he stood for.
Imagine a movie with a character like bin Laden. From action movies to sci-fi movies, there have been plenty of characters like him. I always root for those characters to be captured and brought to trial/jail/justice. But if they get killed in the cross-fire? I'm not upset. And in some cases, even I realize that if the evil person continues to live, he/she will continue to cause death and destruction and the only way to truly resolve the movie is for the evil person to die.
I don't wish for the death of other people in real life. But there are people in the world whose death I do/will not regret. He was one of those people. I did not wish him well in this life, and I don't wish him well in the afterlife.
When I first heard reports of his death, I didn't quite know how to feel. But as I started remembering the details of 9/11, remembering what it was like to hear and watch the reports as it was happening, realizing the extent of what happened, learning the details behind the plot, learning the death toll and the aftermath, and most of all thinking about all those who lost loved ones, I realized that I wasn't upset about bin Laden getting killed. As I listened to President Obama's address, I realized that I have no problem with bin Laden's death and have no remorse over it.
And while I personally won't toast his death or cheer in the streets, I understand why others do/did.
I want the world to be a better place. I want to be able to live and raise my kids in my ideal society, my utopia where everyone is respectful and tolerant and helpful of each other. There are evil people in the world who not only keep the world from getting closer to my ideal but actively teach others to do the same.
Osama bin Laden is dead. I did not have a part in his death, but I am not at all upset that he is dead. I'm not at all conflicted. To be completely honest, I hope, even believe, that with his death the world is a slightly better.
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