Cancelled: August Get Together for DC Area People

Update: The get together is cancelled! Sorry, but the people who had actually responded that they could come have had to cancel. Which is actually good for me, because my son is sick (again) and I was having trouble getting childcare coverage. Maybe next time it will work out better!

Don't forget that tomorrow is the DC area get together for the grown ups! We're meeting for lunch at Gordon Biersch in Tyson's Corner II, McLean, VA, at 11:00. Table will be in the name "Cara." Anyone else able to make it? Comment or send me an email so I know if I'm getting the right size table!

When It Rains...

It's been pouring over here at caramama's house. Not literally. Well, actually literally right at before last week started we had an insane storm with pouring rain, including a brief power outage that happened while the Pumpkin was sitting on the potty in the bathroom without any windows. That was a fun way to start the day.

But this past week was pouring more in the figurative sense. I was just going list what's been going on day-by-day, but it's just depressing me to write it all that way. Let me try to sum it up.

Last Monday, Londo called me at work to talk with me about something that came up at his work. He was asked to manage a project/task that would last a week, but really good for his career, but mean insane hours for 7-8 days straight. As in, out the door before kids are awake and home after they are asleep, working all weekend, long hours. I told him to do it. I could handle a week of kid care by myself, and it would be very worth it for him. I just needed to rearrange my week so I could do drop offs, pick ups, morning care, dinner times bedtimes, and childcare and meals all weekend long. That's all.

(As an aside, wasn't it awesome of him to consult with me before saying yes? Not everyone would have! He's a thoughtful guy, and that's one of the many reasons why I love him.)

So I did the solo parenting thing from last Tuesday at dinnertime until Tuesday morning of this week (aka yesterday). Londo almost always leaves the house before the kids wake up, but Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Monday he didn't get home until after they were in bed. That was tough for everyone, including Londo. He's not used to not seeing his kids for days at a time.

Luckily, he was able to work from home on both Saturday and Sunday. He had business calls, deadlines and long hours in the home office, including working until midnight or later both nights. But at least he was able to let me sleep in on Saturday morning, give me an hour break later that day, feed the kids on Saturday night, and put the Pumpkin to bed on Sunday night.

Those long hours with the kids? Exhausting! Especially with one kid sick. The Pookie threw up Thursday evening as I put him in his highchair. He spewed on everything! Twice! I stuck him in the tub and sprayed him off, cleaned up the highchair enough so that the dog wouldn't keep licking it (why are dogs so gross?), set the Pumpkin in front of the TV and put the baby to bed early. Poor sick boy had also developed a fever and was tired and cranky. Once he was asleep, the Pumpkin and I finished dinner, I put her to bed, I took the highchair outside and hosed it down in the dark, and I rinsed and put in the washer the chair cover, clothes and towels which were all covered in vomit. All the while, I was making frantic calls to family members and friends to find someone to watch the Pookie the next morning. Oh, that was a fun night.

But that wasn't the only health issue I got to deal with during the past week. Oh no. Not the only one at all.

I got a call from my mom on Tuesday saying my 95-year-old Grandma fell and was in the hospital. She was okay and recovering, but she has three broken ribs and needed to be transferred to a nursing home on Saturday while my mom was out of town. The last few years, she's been living with my mom, but my mom can't take care of her, physically or otherwise, with broken ribs and in need of physical therapy.

On Friday morning, the Pumpkin had an appointment with an ENT which I did NOT want to have to reschedule. That was why I frantically called around to find some Friday morning coverage for the Pookie so I could take the Pumpkin to the ENT. I'll write a longer post about that, but the short story is that the Pumpkin's adenoids are enlarged, and we are going to schedule a surgery for October. Wheeee! Actually, this could be a very good thing. But just another thing to deal with.

Meanwhile, we learned that another family member is having a serious health issue. It's not my place to talk about, so I'm not going to discuss any details. But it is not good and affects Londo and I mentally and emotionally, and it will affect the kids and our scheduling. To say nothing of how it affects the family member and other family members.

But the kids and I did have some really good times. When I tweeted that I didn't know how single parents, parents with partners who work long hours or SAH parents do it, I got a response from awakingsleep that said I would find my own single-parenting rhythm. She was absolutely right. And even though I breathed a sigh of relief when the weekend was over and I headed back to work, by the end of the day on Monday I was dying to pick up the kids and see them again and spend time with them again. I will have more solo parenting coming up soon, and--I can't believe I'm going to say this--I'm even looking forward to it a little bit!

Okay, maybe I really have lost my mind. Or maybe I'm delirious with fever. Oh, didn't I mention? Yesterday the Pumpkin came home from school with a fever and is home sick today, luckily being watched by my mom since I have NO time left to take off and hubby has to do his actual regular work. And the Pookie was up for two hours in the middle of the night.

And the hits just keep on coming!

Question of the Week - Thank Your Parents

We looked into a lot of pre-schools before deciding on the Montessori school where the Pumpkin will start next Tuesday. Londo and I both really felt that this school was the right one for her (despite it not being a nut-free school). But although we think it is the right place to send her, there are some drawbacks for us.

Money is the big one, especially with the application fees, the registration fees and the advanced payment schedule. Whew! That's been tougher than I care to blog about or even hint at to most people. So I'm going to pretend like our finances all just fine and move on to something else.

The school is inconveniently located. For those who live in or are familiar with the DC area, you know that traffic is a HUGE pain. Just getting to work and back can take up way more of your day than should be legal! Add in school drop offs, and it gets more frustrating. Now add in two different drop offs, plus one of those that is 10-15 minutes (depending on lights) further north when you work south, and you start to get what I mean by inconveniently located. We will do it, but it will take more time away from being home with the kids having fun.

Anyway, I said all that to say this... About a month or so ago, I dropped off both kids at their current place and then headed up to the Montessori school to drop off paperwork. As I did that, I was able to foresee what my morning commute is going to be like this fall with the added location. And I thought back to the year I went to private school, about 20 minutes away from my house. Instead of walking to a bus stop and taking the bus to the local public junior high school, my mom drove me to and from the private school every morning and afternoon. Then I started thinking about all the times I missed the public school buses and my mom took me to or from school. And all those activities that I did? She drove me to them, and my sister and brother to theirs. Not to mention all the trips for me to visit with friends, including two of my best friends who lived in the next town up. Wow. My mom did a lot of driving for me.

There I was, driving up to this new school just to drop off the paperwork. I put in my hands-free earpiece, and I called my mom. "Hey, Mom. I'm driving to the Pumpkin's new school and I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for all the driving you did when I was younger, especially to the private school. Thank you for doing that for me." She laughed and said I was welcome and of course she would do those things for me. We talked about how great that private school was, and how I hoped that the Montessori would be a good fit for my daughter.

Then I told her, "I think everyone should have a kid, not just cause kids are wonderful, but so everyone can actually understand what their parents did for them! Having children has been the biggest eye opener for me about things I previously took for granted."

So this week's question of the week is:

Now that you have kids, what do you want to thank your mom or dad for doing for you as a child?

On that same phone call, I once again thanked my mom for putting up with my physical sensitivities. One of my family's stories is about me as a child and my shoes. I could not STAND IT when the socks weren't exactly right or if the shoes were tightened the exact same amount. I would throw a fit. Not because I was some temperamental diva. But because I simply could not leave the house and function unless my socks and shoes were just right. Now I know that at times I have bordered on having Sensory Processing Disorder, but back then I luckily had a very understanding mother.

On that same phone call, after I thanked her once again for putting up with all that, she said she understood because she has skin/physical sensitivities also. And then I realized that I could now see signs of those sensory issues in her as well. In fact, I believe that the search for the perfect nightgown for her continues to this day!

For my dad, I have before, and will again, thank him for treating me like I was capable of doing anything. He did not assume that my sister or me couldn't do the things my brother did just because we were girls. No, he taught us how to fix things and build things. He had me help move the couch and finish dry-walling the basement. He passed on his love of power tools and football to me, which has come in very handy over the years. Having a daughter and a son of my own, I see how it could be easy to treat them differently based on societal expectations of gender, even when it's not reasonable to do so. I'm so glad my dad knew that my sister and I were able to do most things that our brother did, as long as we were interested.

What about you? What did your parents do for you that you wish you could thank them for now? What struggles are you discovering in parenthood that give you new or more respect for what your parents did? Do you call them up and thank them? If not, you totally should.

Fidgety Baby Growing Up

My daughter was a very fidgety baby. More fidgety than any other baby I knew through all my years of babysitting, being an aunt and having friends and family with babies. So fidgety that I wondered if something was wrong, if there was an underlying reason for her fidgetiness.

There really wasn’t anything wrong. As far as I can tell, she simply has a LOT of energy in her body. Her father is the same way. Londo is full of energy and has always been a fidgeter. And me? I can’t sit in one position for a long period of time. I don’t really fidget so much as I shift positions periodically, and I don’t think I ever simply sit normal, facing forward with both feet on the ground when I’m in a chair. In fact, sitting normal sounds like torture to me.

But three years ago, when the Pumpkin was a few months old and through her babyhood, I didn’t know why she was fidgeting so much. When I would nurse her, when we’d be rocking her to sleep, when we would try to hold her calmly, when we’d be lying in bed with her to get her to sleep, she would flail her arms and legs, move her hands and fingers relentlessly, twist and twirl my hair, move constantly, constantly. Sometimes the movements were more flailing than fidgeting. Sometimes it was little but intense movements like twisting her fingers in my hair.

I wondered why and if it was normal. I googled, but found no real information that helped me, and no one else wrote about their baby fidgeting at the time. I asked the doctor, and pretty much came to the conclusion that some babies just fidget. The way that some kids, teenagers, adults, people just fidget.

Yet over the years, I’ve wondered. I’ve wondered about other people with fidgety babies, because thanks to the many, many hits to my site from search engines on the internet, I know that there have been a lot of other people searching about fidgety babies, just as I once did. And I think of all those other people and their fidgety babies, and I wonder if those babies are/were like my girl in other ways. I wonder if those kids continued fidgeting through toddlerhood, like my girl did. Did those kids have so so SO much trouble calming their bodies down to go to sleep or even just sit still, like my girl did/does? I wonder if those kids were later on the curve for developing self-soothing skills. I wonder if those kids were earlier on the curve for developing motor skills, gross and fine. I wonder if those other kids are as energetic and highly active as my pre-schooler.

There are some comments on my posts about my fidgety baby in which people have said that perhaps my child didn’t fidget they way theirs did, that it didn’t sound as severe or as constant or, I don’t know, as MUCH as their did. I believe she probably did, although I haven't seen these other peoples kids so I can't compare for sure. I totally understand the sentiment, the questioning. Like it says the Raising Your Spirited Child book that I often mention: sure most kids are energetic or all 2 or 3 year olds are stubborn persistent, but spirited kids are just MORE. And that’s what it is like with the fidgeting.

My boy, who is now 14 months old, also fidgets some. An average amount. An expected amount, I would even say. I might have once thought, “Gee, this baby sure can be fidgety.” But I would have just been slightly irritated during the worst of the fidgets, and moved on in my thinking. After having a truly Fidgety Baby, I know that his fidgeting is nothing. All babies fidget. But some fidget more. And some babies fidget WAY MORE!

So I wonder about those other kids, those other fidgety babies. Did they learn to crawl early, walk early, climb early? At age 18 months, did their parents move them into a big kid bed to try and make the bedtimes and nights easier? As 1 year olds, did they spent hours in and out of their beds, walking circles around their parents, as their parents fell asleep in their beds, as they kept walking, walking, climbing, climbing? At age 2, did their physical skills match those a year older than them, except the skills needed to sit still for any length of time? As a 2 year old, did they simply stop napping and have trouble even resting at nap time? At age 3, did they need excuses to get out of their chairs at meal times because they simply could not sit still for the whole meal? Are those children also spirited or simply high-energy kids?

Because my fidgety baby did all those things. My little, fidgety girl has great physical skills, and more energy than I thought possible in a human! My girl keeps moving and figuring out how to do things with her body that many kids a year or even two years older than her cannot do. At 4 or 5 months, she was crawling. At 10 or 11 months, she was walking. At 1 year, she was throwing and catching balls relatively accurately. At 18 months, she was sleeping (when we’d finally get her to sleep) in a big girl bed and coming into our room by herself when she’d wake up in the middle of the night, turning the knobs to the doors with ease and climbing into our bed with no problems. At 2 years, she was running and dribbling a soccer ball while she ran. At 3 years, she is already hitting balls off the t-ball set.

I think that all that fidgety energy drives her to do things with her body. She needs to channel that energy and activeness, and it’s up to us as her parents to find ways for her to do that. It’s also up to us to help her learn to calm her body down and to listen, through all the impulses, to the signals that her body is giving her. It’s not easy, for her or us. But the skills we help her learn to handle all her energy and impulses and plain fidgetiness will be so important for her to channel that drive into accomplishments as an older kid, a teen and an adult.

I don’t know if my daughter is a typical example of a child who was a Fidgety Baby. I don’t have any clue how other Fidgety Babies have developed. I wish I did, because I love to learn about development patterns in general, and I love to hear about other kids who might be similar in certain ways to my girl. But what I do know is how my daughter as developed and how amazing she is in so many ways.

My daughter went from being a Fidgety Baby to being a Highly-Active Toddler to being a High-Energy Pre-Schooler. And from here, we’ll see what kind of school kid, pre-teen, teenager and adult she will be. I have a feeling it will continue to be really fun to watch her grow!

Question of the Week - Ready or Not...

I had a different question for this week, but I'm going to have to push it to next week. Cause something happened this morning. Something I wasn't ready for.

The Pookie has pretty much stopped nursing. And I'm super emotional about this. Even though I thought I was close to ready, I'm still so sad and don't feel ready. Even though we were down to nursing in the mornings at wake up and at bedtime, I was (mostly) enjoying those times. Even though I had been planning to wean him by next month so I could start medication for this winter for my SAD, I thought I had another month.

Over the last couple of weeks, he's been been trying to do gymnastics in my lap while nursing at night. That has been frustrating and uncomfortable, but he was still mostly settling down to nurse at least for a little while. But not so the last few nights. Instead, his gymnastics had turned into playing games (kissing-instead-of-nursing games! snuggling-while-hiding-his-face games! catch-him-before-he-dives-over-the-arm-of-the-chair games!) and squirming off my lap to play on the floor. After 5 or 10 minutes of playing on the floor, I was able to pick him back up and rock him or walk with him, but he was not interested in nursing! [sob!] And last night? He nursed for maybe 2 minutes, and that was it. He was done.

So I did see it coming. I figured he was ready to stop nursing at night. We'd just nurse in the mornings for the next month. At least we'd have that.

WRONG! This morning? Two sips, which I doubt were even sips since I don't think the milk had even come down yet. And then he was squirming, cause what was the dog doing? Did he hear the Pumpkin? Was that Daddy? What were they doing? What's going on? Move out of my way, Mommy, and stop holding me back!

I thought briefly about pushing the issue. I could have closed the door, turned on the humidifier for white noise, held him in place, but it really wasn't likely that any of that would have helped. So I called in Londo and told him, "I think we are done nursing."

Yes, there was a catch in my voice. Londo knew immediately exactly what was happening and how I felt about it. (He's good like that.) And in addition to the sympathy, Londo pointed out that it was baby-led weaning in action. The baby was ready to stop, and it was better to let it happen naturally now then to have to make it an issue and possible fight in a month.

So that's it. We are done nursing. I am sad, but I am also proud. We nursed for 14 months! It was very tough at times, easy at others, but it was always extremely special. I may not have felt quite ready, but I'm not sure I would ever feel quite ready.

And I have to say this and put this out there: I'm especially sad because if we don't have another baby, then I'm completely done with that aspect of parenthood and my life. That's hard.

So this week's question of the week is:

What did your kid(s) do before you were ready?

For the Pumpkin, it was definitely her physical capabilities. Every time we thought something was baby-proofed, up high enough, not interesting, locked securely, in a child-proofed container, she was able to get into it, reach it, climb it, etc. She was just always so ahead of what we were ready for, especially with her gross motor skills and her height! Not to mention her instinctive ability to figure stuff out. Can't reach the item she shouldn't have that was placed on a high counter? Then she'd just figure out how to pull up a chair to get it.

For 2 years now, we've had to put things on top of the fridge to really keep it away from her! And the only reason she can't open our baby gates is because we splurged for ones that required more hand strength than a child (even our child) has!

What about your kid(s)? What have they been able to do that you weren't expecting? What did they stop doing before you wanted them to? What are they doing whether or not you are ready for it?